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Published on Jun 4, 2014
Each and every stinkin' one of DirectTV's 2012 "Get Rid Of Cable" commercials, including the current one made on Twitter! ☺
Don't get bodyslammed by a lowland gorilla. Don't reenact scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen. Don't become a local fisherman they call "Big Fatty Face." Don't have your house explode. Stop taking in stray animals. Don't have a grandson with a dog collar. Don't sell your hair to a wig shop. Don't fall into a dinner party. Don't wake up in a roadside ditch. Don't have your dad get punched over a can of soup. Don't attend your own funeral as a guy named Phil Shiffley. Don't drive into a pizzeria that makes great baked ziti. Don't chase imaginary butterflies and do something highly illegal.
And most important:
Don't get hit by an ice cream truck but then fade away from existence anyways because your parents never ended up doing it!!