 We say good morning and welcome to another fabulous Sunday here at First Unitarian Society. A happy hello. First Unitarian Society, where independent thinkers gather in a safe, nurturing environment to explore issues of social, spiritual, and ethical significance as we try to make a difference in this world. I'm Steve Goldberg, a proud, incurably shy member of this congregation working on it. And I'd like to extend an extra special and warm welcome to any guests, visitors, or newcomers. If this is your first time at First Unitarian Society, I think you'll find it's a very special place and we invite you to join us for our fellowship hour right after the service. And speaking of fellowship, I'd like to offer you a quid pro quo this morning. If you silence your pesky electronic devices for the next hour, we promise you a service that will touch your heart, stir your spirit, and trigger one or two new thoughts. That's our quid pro quo, and we're really glad that you're here. Before we move into our time of quiet, I have the wonderful distinction and honor of introducing the guest in our pulpit today, Reverend Vail Weller, is our most welcome guest, and brings a wonderful set of experiences that she will utilize in the service today. She is the Congregational Giving Director with the Unitarian Universalist Association. But long before that, from her birth, she was a member of the Unitarian Universalist Tradition and has served many of our congregation since 1998 as parish minister, and so lives in San Mateo, California, has a husband, two kids, and a wonderful big dog named Macy. And so we are really happy to have you here, a wonderful preacher and just an amazing presence. Thank you for saying yes to come speak with us today. I invite us to a few moments of sin ring. May we, for 30 seconds or so, pay attention to our breath, call ourselves fully present here, and offer a meditation prayer, or just breathe and be to bring ourselves into worship together. May that time begin now from that place of deep quiet. May we move now into our opening words, guiding us into worship, as written by James Baldwin. For nothing is fixed, forever, forever, forever it is not fixed. The earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. May we rise in the ways that we do and continue with James Baldwin's words, printed in the order of service as we spark our chalice. Together we say, the sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with each other, the sea engulfs us, and the light goes out. May we join our voices together in invoking that light as we sing together 347, Gather the Spirit. Gather the Spirit, harvest the power it fires, will kindle one flame. Trials in this light appear all the same, gather, gather, and while you're still standing, take a moment to greet each other. Well, I'd love to invite any of you who are young or young at heart to come up to have a closer spot to sit so we can have a conversation. And I'll tell you what we're going to be doing. We're going to be sort of eavesdropping into a family argument today. And so one thing I want you to know is that all families argue. It's just a fact. Does anyone in here have a family that has ever argued? A few more hands at this service than the last service, let me say. It's normal. All families argue. So this argument was brought on by the character in this book whose name is Mountain Girl. That's what her family calls her. She's about 11 years old, and she has called a family meeting to talk about money because she believes that her family doesn't have enough and that her parents aren't taking the subject very seriously, so they're going to have a family meeting. Do you have family meetings ever? Sometimes, yeah. So that's where we pick up the story, and that's what we're eavesdropping into. And I'll try to show you the pictures, but I'm going to read the text this way and then hold up the pictures for you, okay? So my father is sitting here looking me straight in the eye and saying, but Mountain Girl, I thought you knew how rich we were. I say, we can't get very far in this discussion if you won't even admit that we're poor. I'll prove it to you right now, he says. Let's make a list of the money we earn in a year. How much is that? I ask. I'll write it down. But he says, not so fast. We have a lot of things to think about before we add up those numbers. What kinds of things? My mother says, we don't take our pay just in cash, you know. We have a special plan, so we get paid in sunsets, too, and in having time to hike around the canyons and look for eagles' nests. But I say, can you just give me one single number to write down on this piece of paper? So we start with $20,000. I know, it's a lot of dollars. That's how much my father says it's worth to him to be able to work outdoors, where he can see the sky all day and feel the wind and smell rain an hour before it's really raining. He says it's worth that much to him to be aware if he feels like singing, he can just start singing and no one will mind. I have just written $20,000 down when my mother says, you'd better make that $30,000 because it's worth at least another $10,000 to hear coyotes howling in the hills. So I write $30,000. Then she remembers that they like to see long distances and far away mountains that change color about 10 times a day. That's worth another $5,000 to me, she says. I'm not surprised because my mother claims to be an expert on mountain shadows in the desert. She says she can tell time by the way the colors change from dawn to dark. I scratch out what I had and I write $35,000. I know. My father thinks of something else. When a cactus blooms, you should be there to watch it because it might be a color you will never again see another day of your life. And how much would you say that color is worth? $0.50, my brother asks, but they decide on another $5,000, so now I write $40,000. Forgotten how much my father likes to make bird sounds, so of course he has to add another $10,000 for having both day birds and night birds around us that he can imitate. I cross out what I had and I write $50,000. It's just getting to be more and more money. Now my mother says, let's see what our mountain girl is worth to us. I'm beginning to catch on to their way of thinking, so I suggest I'm worth $10,000, even though my little brother has begun to laugh. Don't underestimate yourself, my father says. They end up deciding I'm worth about a million dollars. I say I don't think I am, but I end up writing it down anyway. In fact, it turns out that every one of us is worth a million, so we have $4,050,000. Then I realize I want to add an additional $5,000 for myself for the pleasure I have wandering in open country, free as a lizard, not following a plan and not following a trail, just turning whatever way the wind turns me. They say that's certainly worth $5,000, so that makes $4,055,000. Finally, my brother says to put down $7 more. For all the nights we get to sleep outside under the stars. We all say $7 doesn't seem to be enough, so we talk him into making it $5,000. Now my paper says $4,060,000, and we haven't even started counting actual cash. To tell the truth, the cash part doesn't seem to matter so much anymore. I suggest it shouldn't even be on a list of our kind of riches, so the meeting is over. The rest of them have gone outside to see the new sliver of moon, but I'm sitting here sitting at our nice homemade kitchen table with one cookie left on my mother's good blue-flowered plate, and I'm writing this book about us. I kind of pat the table, and I'm glad that it's ours. In fact, I think the title of my book is going to be The Table Where Rich People Sit. Thank you so much for listening. We're going to sing as you go on a song that's about that cycle of generosity. From you I receive, to you I give. Number 402, let's rise in the ways that we do, and let's sing it through three times. From you I receive, together we share, and from this one more time. From you I'm reading to lead us into our time of reflection, taken from the writing of our colleague, Teresa Soto, entitled The Magic of an Empty Palm. The magic of your palm is that though empty, it can be filled. But look at it. One of the planes of creation with which your body is equipped, lines sweeping out to fingers and the marvels of opposable thumbs, that single leap toward grasping. And do not fear if you do not have hands. We know that you too create. And together we take up what it means to hold a value and make it come alive. More than only thought and feeling, rather being, doing, and becoming. A sculpted expression, colorful, an embodiment of why we are, what we do, and what we will yet become. Here ends the reading. And again for that beautiful music. Well, I'm going to have a conversation now with my dear personal friend, Steve Goldberg, who has agreed to be a good spirit. He has agreed to be a good spirit. To just illustrate a point. So we're just going to have a brief little conversation. Thank you for being willing to do this. So, I have a couple of questions. What was your grandmother's name? Grandma. Okay. Fair enough. That really was. Yeah, absolutely. What's your favorite thing to cook? Leftovers. I like this guy. Okay. And what is or was your primary career? Giving away money. All right. Perfect. Who are you rooting for in this afternoon's game? The Packers. Okay. That's 325. Okay. P.M. And how much money do you make? Almost a month. I think you've demonstrated for us what we needed to see. Thank you for being willing to be put on the spot like that. I think that that is such an awkward topic and such an uncomfortable question and just sort of automatically drains the life out of the room and a conversation killer. So why is that that we are so deeply uncomfortable with this topic? It's as though I feel myself going into a psychological response of fight or flight. My hackles go up. You can just feel the stress and anxiety when the topic comes up. Psychologists remind us that when a reaction is out of proportion to the matter at hand, it's a sure sign that there's something much deeper going on. So join me as we explore a little bit about what that might be. This morning, I could imagine some of you thinking, I'm so glad I'm not Steve, first of all, standing up there being asked that question for many reasons. He said that I didn't. And or, you know, how dare you? You know, that's an appropriate question. We don't talk about that. We're very open about many aspects of our lives, but not that one. What is so taboo about this particular subject? I came across a piece of writing recently from an Episcopal priest named Lisa Kressman, who runs an online community for preachers, and she was writing and thinking about this topic. So I want to share with you a little bit about what she shared. According to Lizzie Post, one of the Emily Post etiquette dynasty, the ranking of topics from easiest to most difficult to talk about is weather, entertainment, food, hobbies, sports, because that can be controversial, politics, religion, relationships, sex, and then money. All the way down at the bottom. Another study in London revealed that people were seven times more likely to talk with a stranger, to talk with a stranger about sex, affairs that they have had, or medical consequences they are facing, more than their willingness to talk about their salaries. And another statistic is that close to three-quarters of Americans think that talking about money is rude. So thank you so much for inviting me here to preach about money, Doug. And congregation. But in all seriousness, I think that there are two things going on, which inform our reaction to the topic of money. First, put in religious terms, there's been a severing of something sacred. There's also a cultural wound that's in need of healing. So let's begin with the cultural. It's a very middle-class value, and a very white, privileged value to not talk about money. So again, from the work of Lisa Kressman, she reminds us, in England, the wealth of owners was easily estimated based on the amount of land one owned and all that it required to build up and maintain it. A person's wealth and the status, power, and prestige it implied were self-evident. People who had money didn't need to talk about it. Therefore, those who talked about money were the ones who didn't have it. And thus, the discussion of money was associated with those in a lower class. To oversimplify hundreds of years of social development, to be classy, meaning to be polite, genteel, respectable, meant not talking about money. And so this social norm was established. The early American colonizers from England brought this cultural value with them. And these values have taken hold in our larger culture and in fact within our own unitary universalism. However, I'm sure that we all know that there are cultural perspectives about money, about giving, and about the sacred cycle of generosity that do not emanate from the colonizer's perspective. There have been elaborate rituals throughout time in cultures across the globe in which gifts are lavishly given and received. Only the very best is what is given and hoarding results in being cursed. We know that there are other options for how to deal with money and generosity, yet I feel that most of us think that we're kind of trapped in the system that we're in. So what are we to do? Well, I have good news. We are here together at FUS and congregations like FUS exist in order to support us in making difficult changes in the direction of spiritual health. Right back at you. We come together on Sunday mornings not only for the pause from the routine daily grind or pain or loneliness of our daily lives but also hopefully for inspiration and encouragement which contains the word courage. Encouragement to express our highest values through the very living of our lives. And we need to make this decision over and over and over again because we are humans and again and again we fall short of our highest ideals. What a blessing to have community in which to be held accountable and called to our highest selves. The culture of white privilege that we move within and I want to pause to just unpack that for a moment because sometimes when those two words are mentioned white privilege people go somewhere else. So I want to invite you to just stay for a moment and let me say that this culture of white privilege is pervasive in the society at large and therefore influences all of the institutions that we interact with. Including this one. So the culture of white privilege distorts our perspective which serves the larger purpose of keeping us separate. If we were together in all of our power that would be very threatening indeed to the status quo. So that serves the larger purpose of keeping us separate and disconnected from one another. White-centered culture also perpetuates the sense of shame around money and we are therefore so much more likely to avoid discussing it altogether. We're far more comfortable discussing anything including sex like you know in that list of all the other subjects and we have our own our whole lives sexuality education curriculum to thank I think for some of our willingness to be open and healthy about sexuality a little plug for owl but we're far more comfortable discussing even sex than we are money. I've seen this play out in a variety of ways as I'm in conversation with congregations across the country. So one of the conversations in which this often comes up is when I'm speaking with congregational leaders about asking members to give a certain percentage of their income to support the congregation. I'll share with you my belief about that which is that five percent is the recommendation that I make to congregations that they invite their members and friends to contribute. And further we recommend that people who have been part of the congregation for 10 years or more increase to 10 percent which is 10 by 10. That's just a little device for you to think about. So in any case the concern that is always expressed when this idea is brought up is for the members that are deemed unable to pledge at that level. What if people can't afford to give like that? We don't want to exclude and we don't want to offend. I agree we don't want to exclude and we don't want to offend but here's the thing. Consistently, statistically, individuals with a lower income give a higher percentage to charity than those with a higher income do. Do you have any idea what the most generous state is in terms of average income percentage, sorry average percentage of income given to charity? Any thoughts about what state might be the most generous? Utah was one. Alabama. So you're thinking now and wondering. Pardon? Midwest. Midwest generally. Totally not. I'm going to just give you a, yeah I'm just going to give you a, I'm going to give you a preview. So the answer is Utah where charitable giving, well let's okay so to unpack that as you said, the folks who are Mormon who live in Utah are asked, invited, expected to give 10% of their income to support their religious communities. And then if they feel called or moved to contribute to other causes they do that on top of their support to their religious communities. So the average giving to charity in the state of Utah is 10.6% of income statewide. The next most generous states are Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, and South Carolina. Where between 6% and 7% of income is given to charity. Fascinating. I would invite you to simply do a calculation at home with your family or on your own to figure out what percentage of your income you give to charity just as a point of reference for yourself. So who are we actually protecting when we express concern about asking for a percentage of income to our congregations? I have a concern that we're actually subconsciously because I do believe that it would be subconsciously protecting people with a higher income. Also we don't know what someone's income level is. That's not a fair thing to judge about another and everyone deserves an equal opportunity to support their highest values. So I feel strongly that we need not be afraid to ask our own dedicated members and friends to give to support their own spiritual home. This congregation, your congregation, is worthy of that support. These values are worthy of that support. Even sacrifice. There are so many things about this congregation that are special and remarkable. And the first that comes to mind for so many is this stunning facility, this beautiful building which is historic and maintains and preserves the Frank Lloyd Wright legacy but also makes a great ministry possible to the community. The building is the holder of larger things that happen outside of the building. Your children's religious education program is dynamic and very successful. You are one of the founding members of the Dane Sanctuary Coalition and voted to host someone in Sanctuary. If asked, your small group ministry program, Journey Circles is thriving, connecting people to monthly themes and deepening their spiritual lives. Your lay ministry program supported over 200 members last year with visits and meals and a caring presence at a time of despair. And you have a sustainability series this year helping people to bring the values of care for the planet to life. Yeah, these are beautiful things that are worthy of support. And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the ministry and the arts that you make possible here, both through the gorgeous music but also hosting all kinds of arts. And that's a ministry that you provide this resource to the community. When it comes to our relationship with money, the other thing that's at work is spiritual. When we forget that we are all connected, we labor under the illusion that money belongs to us rather than understanding that money is a form of energy that can not only be used to meet our basic human needs but also perhaps it exists to serve the common good. Maybe that's the real reason for having money in the first place. We may work to earn money, but that amount of money in no way informs our worth as beings. We may work to earn money, but that amount of money does not in any way inform our worth as beings. It is not our money that defines us. And I repeat that because our culture does everything that it can to convince us otherwise by portraying the accumulation of wealth as the ultimate point in living and then dividing us into very strict class groups which again sever our connections from one another. These separations between us are a part of the sickness of our time and another is the illusion of consumerism as the true religion. But this is the water that we swim in. So how do we possibly try to do otherwise? Nothing at all truly belongs to us. Any wealth that we may accumulate is with us only temporarily. When we cross the threshold out of this life we only take with us the love that we have nourished while here. But I have another piece of good news and that is that there is a way to be reminded that money can work magic. There is a path that leads to re-enchantment and that is the continued re-prioritization of the common good and our own Unitarian Universalist values in our understanding of giving. I predict that if you experiment with this in your own life that you will even look forward to giving generously when you recognize that it's a way to enrich the common good to express and make explicit your interdependence with others and to strengthen Unitarian Universalism and your beloved congregation. I do propose that this has the ability to re-enchant your relationship with money. So the proposition that I have for you to consider is I'd like to encourage you to create an IRA. Now this is not an IRA that would provide you with retirement funds. This is a different kind of IRA. This is an integrity resource alignment. If you were asked by your best friend or your child or your grandparent what your highest values are how would you answer that question? I don't believe that you'd say that your highest value is the accumulation of more stuff. I don't believe that you'd say your highest value is to overwork to such a degree that you return home an empty shell. I don't believe that you'd say your highest value is to earn money that you would spend only on yourself and your own family or conversely to hide it all away so that it never sees the light of day at all. I don't believe you'd say any of those things. Instead I believe that if your child or your grandparent or your closest friend asked you your highest value you might talk about making society better leaving the world in better condition than you found it. You might talk about the inherent worth of every person the interconnectedness of all life spiritual growth you might talk about working for justice equity and compassion in human relations you might talk about your belief in freedom for all people you might lift up love as the most important power. These are unitarian universalist values values that are at the very heart of your life I am guessing. Only you can answer the question of if these values are at the very heart of your giving which is an important part of your life. I was moved yesterday when speaking in the service at 430 in the other building what do you call it? The landmark with the words that were printed above the stone you know which the person in the podium or pulpit can see I don't know if you can but I was struck by a piece of that quotation which said do you have a loaf of bread? Break the loaf in two. So this is like etched into your own foundation here this concept. I invite you to align your resources with your highest values by contributing a noticeable share of your financial energy to FUS when the time comes because this is your spiritual home which is at work in the world to address the actual challenges of our time. When I say noticeable share I want to just say what I mean by that is giving an amount that you actually feel and notice on a daily basis which would allow that commitment to be centered in your awareness and in your life that's what makes it a spiritual practice. It also means not wavering from this commitment and allowing your discretionary spending to come after this promise. Those with whom I have experimented with this way of thinking have not reported back that they feel a major change in their lifestyle only an improvement. So you can experiment with it. You might try offering a five percent contribution of your income and perhaps work up to 10 percent from there. And I name these numbers because of the statistic that we heard earlier our friends who are Mormons. I have nothing but respect for people who are practicing a different faith out of a sense of their own integrity but I have to admit I am a little bit jealous that they are able to affect the culture so dramatically because they ask and expect and give so generously to support those values. So I say our values are just as worthy and perhaps more desperately needed. I ask you now to just follow my lead and do this little exercise with me if there's nothing else that you take away from the sermon and may it be this embodied part of the message. So just take your hands if you would and outstretch them. You can close your eyes if you want either way. Now you just squeeze your fist together as tightly as you can and just become tight with it just as hard as you can and then release. Let's do that again. Really feel the squeezing and holding. And then the release and one last time what do you notice as you squeeze together and as you release how different that feels in the body but also just in the spirit. Irwin Raphael McManus writes that generosity is about being free. The generous are free from the things of this world. While they own possessions their possessions do not own them. They are free from taking for their own benefit and are free to give even when it results in personal sacrifice. Generosity he concludes is love in action and love is measured in giving not taking. Although I have noticed that we're not super good at receiving care either but that's a sermon for another time. Let's just think about the giving for now. We believe in freedom for all people. We believe in religious freedom democracy and the rest. I want you to be free also. I want us as Unitarian Universalists to be free from the illusion of separateness free from the lie of consumerism and free from shame around money. I want you to be free to re-enchant your relationship with money. I want you to be free to give your best share to serve your highest values. I want you to be free to align your integrity and your resources. I want you to be free to experiment with being truly generous to contribute more than you ever thought possible and to experience how healing that kind of generosity can be. I want you to be free to give. And so may we each know what it really means to be free to use our temporary resources to serve the greatest possible good and to invest a noticeable share of our income in this community which transforms lives and represents our highest values in the public square. It's in our hands. May it be so that we may live and love and give freely. Amen. Vail deep gratitude for your thought provoking and soulfully grounding words. I'm really appreciative today. And it seems very appropriate that we move into the time of offering which is a weekly invitation to that re-enchantment and realignment of our integrity and our resources. May we know and be reminded that our offering goes to support the ongoing ministries of this congregation many of which were lifted up so beautifully by Vail and the sermon. And also this week we are giving 50% to veterans for peace and to encourage and strengthen their work in the world. I hope you will take a moment to look in the red forest to remind yourself of that work. May this indeed be a practice of liberation an invitation to a sense of freedom in deep connection. May that spirit be a part of our offering this morning. So as you can see music is a big part of the values here at First Unitarian Society. Important messages are a big part of the values here at our spiritual home. And one of the values of course is the value of volunteering. And now we get to recognize and thank and appreciate those who volunteer to make these services run so smoothly. Running the sound system today on my piece of paper I put your name here because we didn't have any we didn't have anybody volunteering to do that today. It's still work because staff stepped in but we need people to help with the sound and other things. Our lay minister today whom we thank is Judith Troyer. Our greeters were Nancy and Joe Moskal. Our ushers have been Dorit Bergen and Tom Damage. Hospitality is being prepared in the kitchen by Jean Hills and Lauren Manston. And the orchids that you see displayed behind me were donated by Roz Woodward in memory of David and Rachel. So thanks to all those who volunteered make sure you thank them hug them and other words of appreciation when you get a chance. Three very brief announcements. One is a piece of very good news. For those of you who were moved by Val's comments about re-enchanting your relationship with money and about supporting your spiritual home for many reasons that she cited and here she's a relative outsider but she knows all kinds of things about the wonderful attributes of FUS. So thanks for pointing those out and reinforcing them Val. So for those of you who want to re-enchant your relationship with money I have good news. The stewardship opportunity continues and you'll find Cheryl and others staffing the stewardship table in the commons during our fellowship hour so that you can act on your desire your urge to re-enchant your relationship with money. The second announcement involves re-enchanting your relationship with volunteering because art in the right place which is scheduled for the weekend of November 23 and 24 needs a total of 70 volunteers to pull off this gigantic art fair and we're only five or six short of the 70. So you can make Lorna Aronson's day complete by seeing her at the art in the right place table during the fellowship hour out in the commons and thank you Lorna for getting us close to the 70 already we still have a couple weeks but she would like to complete that task today. And the third task is something you can all participate in it doesn't cost any money and it doesn't involve that much volunteering and that is simply returning your hymnals to the book carts in the commons after the service. So end with the announcements and pretty soon you'll be able to reactivate your pesky electronic device. Before we end our time together may we take a moment to remember the very human cares and celebrations that we bring as we gather week after week one of the greatest gifts is that we're invited to bring all that is true in our lives. And so for a moment I invite you to gather that truth and to think about in your own life and the life of those that you were connected with in the larger life what is true what are the moments of celebration and joy for just a moment to collect those in your thought and to hold them as gifts and places of strength and encouragement what goodness in the greater world needs to be honored and remembered on this day in this moment and inevitably there's also the truth of the great difficulties of the world of those lives that you love and care about and your own places of pain and loss and anger it is also essential to bring that truth here so for just a moment what is true for you on this day the power of this community is over the long haul of days into months into years we come here with that truth and we remind ourselves that by remembering by loving by acting out of that sense of interdependence we heal each other in the world over and over again may that good work deeply fill us with a sense of purpose and love for this place may we come here again and again in that love amen and blessed be may we rise in all the ways that we do and do together this lovely song 151 I wish I knew how remembering that when we utilize songs that come from various cultural differences that we do what we can to try to place ourselves into the depth of the original sources and so may the deepest part of who we are connect with these words as we sing together 151 I wish I could share all the loves else apart I wish you could know then you'd see one should be free then you'd see and agree everyone should be the things I can do though I'm way I'd be star like a bird in the sky how sweet the sun and look down at the sea then I'd sing because I know how it feels as the chalice is extinguished and we move out into the living of our days may you feel as you go the embrace of this community the calling of the spirit the deep purpose of your living may you go in peace surrounded by love and with great joy we will receive the gift of one more offering of musical ministry