 W-E-A-F, New York, 8.30 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime, Boulevard Masterpiece of Fine Watchmaking. Here, rats, please. Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost you less. So why not always travel on? This is Del King saying, welcome to Avalon Time, featuring Radio's red-headed ragamuffin, Richard Redscoutin with Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, but Hercules Vandover, the Avalon chorus, and Bob Strong's orchestra opening the program with Good Morning. Just exactly that. Judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalon's cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. They're union-made from a blend of the choice Turkish and domestic tobaccos. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brand. Never before has a price so low bought this unexcelled Avalon quality. The next time, try Avalon cigarettes. And now we'd like you to meet a man with a million-dollar smile, a million-dollar personality, and a two-bit haircut. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, so you noticed my haircut, eh, Del? How do you like it? I think it's fine, but where are your ears? I got them in my pocket. Say, can I help it if my mother's just learning? Well, uh, you look better that way. Oh, thanks. Listen, Red, seriously, have you been to the automobile show yet? Yeah, I've been to the automobile show. Yeah, I just got back from there. You see, I do a lot of walking, and I want to see what car I'd look good under. They have one big foreign car over there. You can tell it's a foreign car. They can't keep it in neutral. I think I'll have to get a new car soon. My car's getting a little loose in places. In fact, every time I go over a bumpy road, that action keeps hitting me under the chin. It runs nice, though. In fact, it's the only car in Chicago that runs by remote control from the finance company. You get more than five blocks away, they press a button and the wheels fall off. Not much of a car, but it's good enough to walk around town in. I really went over to the automobile show, though, to see, well, look who just came in. Dick, say, you look a little tired tonight. What's the matter? Well, I've been up all night worrying about Sally Rand. Yeah? You know, she just declared bankruptcy. Yeah, poor Sally, fanned out. Well, what's your first song tonight, Dick? Tonight, my beautiful from George White Scantles. Okay, Dick. Watch him, girls. He's got a gleam in his voice. Sing it, boys. Beautiful Just being with you is so beautiful And tearing up is not easy to do My wonderful There's nobody who is so wonderful Each moment with you Is like living a dream come true So hall-waking far The night will be long He's choice for mayor. He's young, too. Oh, say, Dick, with you, Bob Strong and me on this program, that makes us young, strong, and handsome. Who's handsome? Yeah. I was talking to Dick Todd. How are you, Edna? It's a nice dress you have on and wait for cues. Well, when do I come in? Top of page six. That was Edna's still well, folks. We call her fast, witty, and punchy. Everybody on this program has nicknames. It's a funny thing. Bob Strong, they call dark, tall, and handsome. And Dick Todd is broad, blond, and dashing. And me, they call... Hey, I must be something. What am I? Dick, red, and rancid. Yeah. Wait a minute. What is this? Why does everybody get the idea? Because I'm a comedian. I have to be insulted. Why does anybody who gets insulted have to think he's a comedian? It's mutiny. It's propaganda. I'd even say it was sabotage. I knew what the word meant. It's the top of page six. Can I come in now? Yes, Edna. You're just in time. We're going to do a slice of life. And then I... Who's that guy? I assist. Oh, come in. Mr. Scouton, I want you to meet my brother. Your brother? Yes. He's an ex-athlete. An ex-athlete? Yeah. In 1930, I was a rum runner. Very funny. Stick around till after the program, dear brother. I'd like to run through your curly hair and my football shoes. Why, uh... Now, brother, don't antagonize Mr. Scouton. Remember, the world's made up of all kinds of people. Mr. Scouton, my brother wants a job as your press agent and your personal manager. What? Yeah, he wants to take care of everything for you. Yeah, I take care of everything. Oh, by the way, here's your laundry. It just came back. Well, laundry, it can't be. I just sent it out an hour ago. I know. They refused it. Yeah. Where do you get those jokes out of a silo? I don't need a publicity, man. My picture was in every paper this morning. Yeah, I saw it. What a picture. And underneath it said, Don't let this happen to you. Now, I'll get you good publicity. I'll put your name in lights. You've got something there. Skelton with a publicity man. Gee, already I can see my name in lights. Are they over at theater? No, they're over at... Well, it's good enough to start with, though. And now, Scouton, we're going to work. First, we'll take the initials off beside your car and put on two-foot neon letters. Red, Skelton, Comedian, question mark. Yeah. Why a question mark? That's so your fans won't think you're conceded. And next, we'll put your name on every Avalon cigarette. All right, I'll bite why. So your name will be in everybody's mouth. And next, we'll go to work on this program. It's supposed to be a variety show, ain't it? Yeah. Well, where are the guest stars? Guest stars? Now, on the way over here, I took it upon myself to hire a real Hollywood personality. A real Hollywood personality? Sure. Gee, somebody from Hollywood on our program. Where did you get him? MGM. Hmm, Metro Golden Mare? No, my grandmother's. Yeah. I never bet so many comedians in all my life. Everybody on this program is funny but me. Even Bob Strong thinks he's an old cut-up because he's doing the wood chopper's bowl. Play it, Bob, before the termites beat you to it. All of you, too. Right after this program tonight, get a pack of Avalons. Cigarettes that are second to none in quality but cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Remember, Avalons, the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Be sure to give them a trial tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. That was very well-spoken, Erdell. I see you got your bridge fixed. No, look, rather worry. You really do, my goodness. What's the matter? Well, I am a little worried. My new publicity man hired a guest star and he hasn't arrived yet. Where's the guest star from? Hollywood. Hollywood? Yeah, Hollywood. That's a suburb of Hedy Lamar. Gee, I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah. Well, I like that. I made a picture out there. Yeah. I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah. Gee, that must be our Hollywood guest now. Quiet. Quiet? What is this? Well, welcome to Avalon time. We're glad that you... Are you the Hollywood personality? Well, I ain't a bundle of wetwash from the range. Curcule's one of the four feather brains. Please, Mr. Skelton. Well, that's no way to talk to a man that just got back from Hollywood on the chief. You came from Hollywood on the chief? Yeah. Why didn't piggyback on an Indian all that distance? No, I can't. Oh, it was terrible. I think he must have been drinking. By the last thousand miles, he was just staggering all over the highway. I bet you've never even been to Hollywood. Oh, haven't I? Did you see that funny-looking outfit I had on this afternoon? You mean that sports suit with a purple and yellow house coat? That's it. The green and gold pants with a red stripe? Yeah, and those open-toed shoes with fur-lined braids. Yeah, you sure look funny. Yeah, I know, but in Hollywood it didn't even get a snicker. Well, I believe you now, Herky. Say, tell us something about your life out there, will you? Well, for three years I was a big director. But I was replaced by a traffic light. Then I was a big producer. Why, Mr. Skelton, one day I called 3,000 girls. For a picture? No, for a date. Hey, I bet you were a screamer. I bet they called you derelict panic. Say, what was the last thing you did? What was the last thing you did in Hollywood, Herky? Well, let's see, I ran a drive-in restaurant. Yeah? And you know I had the cutest little gadgets that wiped off your windshield and your chin at the same time. Oh, that sounds very handy. It certainly was. Oh, but you should have tried my Herky Lee special hamburger. Good, huh? Oh, it was so tender you could gum it, gobble it, guzzle it, or gulp it. Well, I'll be seeing you, Mr. Skelton. I have an appointment with that little man who wasn't there. Yeah? Oh, but I'm gonna surprise him. I ain't gonna show up either. Right now, folks, it's time for Dick Todd and the Avalon course to sing. We'll rest at the end of the trail. And right after that, we'll... Hold on just a second, fellas, I'll take it. Hello? This is a criss-cross radio survey. What program were you listening to? The Red Skelton Show. Yeah, we turned it off too. Yeah, sing, Dick. Let's go. We'll rest at the end. We like Robin. We'll hitch to a star. So just keep on... Catch about things that really happen. And tonight's playlet is about the trouble people go through when they work in a department store. You set the scene, Del. Okay, the time, 7.30 in the morning. The place, a bus stop somewhere in your hometown. Now as the scene opens, we find a young floor walker approaching a pretty girl standing on the corner. The pretty girl is Edna Stillwell, and the guy with the wrong approach is Red Skelton. They're both on their way to work in the same department store. Listen. Hi, Edna. What's the matter? Is that bus late again? Yeah. Gee, I wish I had a car. I'd give you a lift downtown every morning. Not only that, I wouldn't charge you a cent more than a bus fare. Gee, you look nice today. Is that a new hat, sorta? Yes, it is. How do you like it? Oh, it's a nice hat, but how do you keep it on, from memory? What's the supposed to represent? I don't know, but this morning it laid an egg. What's keeping that butt? I don't know. Gee, I hope it gets here soon. My feet are killing me. Yeah, mine too. Oh, I'm glad today's the last day of this week's fire sale. Yeah. I never saw such crowds in my life. Yeah, it was so crowded in the bargain basement yesterday, I saw two women trying on the same griddle. And I don't mean griddle. Here comes the bus. But my goodness, look how crowded it is. Yeah, it looks like a sardine can's on wheels. Gee, I wish I were a man. I don't think I had help. Look, they're standing too. Hey, wait a minute. We've got room enough for two more. You in, Edna? I'm using back of someone with a newspaper. You know if you miss one day of Little Orphan Annie, you're lost. Yeah. Neckis' department store, information speaking. Yes, madam, everything in the children's department is on sale at half price. Boys' pants? Yes, madam, they're half off too. Pardon me, buddy. Where can I find a manager of this joint? I want my money back. Oh, wait a minute. What's trouble? What kind of cheap stuff is this joint selling? I buy a complete fall outfit, see? Suit, overcoat, hat, socks, shorts, and handkerchief. Well, what happened? The range came and the outfit went. You'll have to see Mr. Seller. Where is this Seller? You'll find him in the basement. Next, ma'am. Young man, do you have anything in the carton stockings? Yes, my aunt Haunts and Vin said. I mean, third floor, please. You fresh thing. I've never been so insulted in all my life. She's never been so insulted. I guess she was never in a cocktail lounge on Saturday night. Biggie, pardon, but I'd like to see something in an old-fashioned nightgown. You wouldn't dare. I'm sorry I bothered you. Oh, it's all right, Bob. Think nothin' of it. Mr. Scalton. Huh? Mr. Scalton. Boy, they wear me out. I get called more times than Dr. Kill there. Scalton. Oh, I said it in trouble. Yes, darling. I mean, yes, Miss Dillwell. She almost forgot the rules for a minute. What's up? Well, you wait on this, lady. I can't stand her another minute. Get a load of that face. Is that a face? No, it's not a face. It's sabotage. And I still don't know what the word means. What's the matter with her? Attitude? What's the matter with her attitude? Well, she doesn't know what she wants. No, she keeps looking at me. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know what she wants. No, she keeps looking around the store. And after I go to the trouble of showing her every bolder good that might count her. I'll handle this for you. Now, what can I do for you, madam? Ooh, you again, huh? I want to see some velvet, but that stupid person doesn't seem to understand what I want. Oh, it's stupid. Now, before we go any further, I want something to fit my personality. Yeah. You want one with silver handle? I'll report you to the manager. You wouldn't. I've already said that. That's right. Now, what was it you wanted? Well, now let me see. Oh, what's that up there on the second shelf? That's my bubblegum, but it ain't for sale. That is this way. Well, let's see that bolt on the third shelf. Over here? No, no, Dagwood. But not that. Oh, the guy that said the customer is always right must have been the customer. Here, how do you like that? Now, that's a very fine thing to do. I don't like it. Well, listen, lady, we've shown you every bolder goods on this shelf. Why don't you just leave your name and address? We'll mail you the store, huh? Why, you have not shown me every bolder goods. Now, there's one on the top shelf. Now, see it up there? Oh, yes. My goodness. How did I ever miss it? Oh, well, don't bother getting it down. I really didn't want to look at anything to begin with. Oh, that's all right. You see, I was just waiting around for my husband to show up. Oh, yeah. Well, if you think he's in that other bolt, lady, I'll take it down. If you're looking for high quality in your cigarettes, you'll find it in Avalons. Avalons are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. If you're looking for real money-saving economy, you'll find that in Avalons, too. Avalons cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands, a saving that will net you many extra dollars every year. Truly, it's needless to pay more for your cigarettes. So the next time, try Avalons. This week's the same time, though. I guess you're going out, then, and join the Halloween pranksters, huh? Halloween sure brings back a lot of memories. I remember I was a little kid. My dad used to hold me up to the window. To see the masquerader? No, he was too stingy to buy a pumpkin. Good night, folks. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye now. Well, friends, we hope you've enjoyed our show and be with us next Wednesday night at this same hour when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skelton, Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, and the entire gang in Avalon Time. This is Del King speaking and reminding you that during the week when you ask for Avalon cigarettes... Don't forget your change. You'd never guess that Avalons cost only ten cents, plus city or state tax. You men who smoke pipes, could I have your attention for just a moment to tell you about Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America? Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the Army, in the Navy, on American college campuses. In fact, everywhere you find men who know and appreciate quality smoking. And the reason for this tremendous preference? Well, you'll know the reason the first time you try Sir Walter Raleigh in your pipe. Why not get a tin tonight? This is the National Broadcasting Company. W-E-A-F, New York.