 Jack, we're going to the Super Bowls. Okay, I have Madden 22 installed, downloaded on the PlayStation 5. I'm gonna be completely honest. The most patriotic American thing that's ever happened is getting Madden 22 for the PS5. Madden is the best MMORPG. Xbox Series X is better. Dude, what year is this? Console Wars in 2021. Is this 2002? It's a game. Can I fix this before I get banned for DMCA? Finalists, some real music. The tradition of American football. They said there wasn't no World War III. I said, hell, World War III happens every Sunday in the fall. Look at how different this is from yesterday. Look at the hair. Like actually poggers, dude. It's actually Pog, people pog on a tree hard forehouse, dude. Isn't this, dude, this is what it should look like. This is what pregame for a football game looks like. Not the, the, they were playing against each other before the game. Like this would be the fucking flame. Like this is the show, dude. See, this presentation is so much better than last year, dude. This is so good. This is hype, dude. All right, fellas, listen up. We got Minnesota Vikings. We got Minnesota Vikings this weekend. Hell, listen, offensively, they're hurting bad. Good for us. But defensively, this is a damn good defensive football team. It is we have gotten to spread the ball around the field. They got good linebackers. They got a good secondary. We have to spread the field horizontally against these folks. Sorry I'm late, Coach. Someone put IC Hot in my jockstrap. OK, you know what? Scratch that. One, stop putting IC Hot in other fellas' jockstraps. You're an adult. You're a grown-ass man. You're acting like a damn child. Eatin' Coach. All this IC Hot on the field. Nice. Good, it's all pump-no-dumb, dude. All pump-no-dumb, son. OK, Michael Parsons. I literally, Parsons, Parsons. I just told your ass you got to focus on taking out the running back. You have an open lane, straight, direct shot at him. And you tackle the damn turf. The hell you doing, Parsons? Good lord. Wait, who's hurt? Oh, nice. Oh, what you're doing back there, bud? Hey, we got to get some pressure. Dude, look at the fans, dude. This looks so good. I like how all the things tell you, like, uh, oh, bumble, bumble, bumble. Oh, it went right into his hands. It's the essence of football for footballers. Oh. Oh. What a hit, dude. They're playing down to hold it to a short game. Mm. Got your ass ran over. Oh, what? OK, hey, good stop. Dude, we're going to light it up, dude. Minimums. Oh, oh, easy. Oh, easy. E. Oh, look at that, dude. Yard time. Dude, see, this is all new, dude. This is a big warning to this team, man. They know now that they have to stick close to these receivers because they're ready, ready, ready? And beat you consistently throughout the game. You can rush more aggressively off the edge. Oh, my. Oh, my. I'm going to drink. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh, dude. I'm so lucky. Upper arm fracture. What? I'm so lucky. No, that's the wrong guy. Man, this is incomplete of number 7. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, dude. Dude, look at him. He just gets outrun. Oh, yes. Michael Gallup. Skip it a button. Oh, my. Exituted. What was that? So posessionals stay to say. And they're operating in plus territory. I actually heard it. No. Oh, the crowd have intercepted. Come on, dude. If we get a field goal, we will tie it up. OK. We're going to try this again. No. Stop. See if he has that confidence. And that one. OK, we're going to try it again. Why do I keep trying this? No, he's running. Why is he running? And he'll be out of the crowd. Look in deep in the direction of Cooper. Oh, my. How do you call timeout? How do you call timeout? How do you call timeout? I don't know how to call timeout. What button do you press? On the touchpad? OK, I have one second. Please work. OK, I'm spamming it. I'm spamming it. Mark Kiddum low. Kiddum high. And watch right here. Oh, save. Nice, dude. Tie to half, boys. Tie to half. All right, folks, listen up. Listen up, fellas. That was the hell of a first half. OK, but I'll be honest with you. We had about two plays. It's 10 to 10, but we had about two plays. And they're both deep throws to Murray Cooper. And they get a damn play when you had an opportunity. Can we go to city bars after the game? No, that is literally. No, absolutely not. Now the scoreboard. Why are you spinning? Oh, he completed. Prescott, you have to catch the football, dude. It's going to work this time, I promise. Because he looks to throw. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Be an athlete, dude. Just be an, that's all I'm asking. Just be an athlete. I'm going to pull this off, dude. Thanks for the great stream, man. What are you doing? Where are you throwing that to, Tebow? McKenzie Alexander with a pick. He brings it back to right around the 26-yard line. We've thrown two interceptions this game, and neither of them are from my quarterback. Authentic Cowboys fan experience. No, let's go, Parsons. They go play action. Cousins. No! You just got burned. What are you? OK, it's OK. We're only down seven. We're only down seven, boys. We got this. We got this. Now on third and fourth to third. Oh, no, no, no, no. Get intercepted. Dude, off the tip. Hey, it's OK. No, we're not going to lose, chat. We're not going to lose. This is not a loss. You know why? Because of the Philly special, dude. OK, one more time. One more time, one more time. This one's a touchdown. This time it's a touchdown, I'm telling you. And first and 10, Elliott. OK, OK, Amari Cooper. Ready? Prescott off play action, but it's incomplete. Cooper, now Prescott, and it's intercepted at the goal. Dude, come on, guys. We got this. Dude, the mechanics are different on the PS5 than on PC. OK, OK. Minute 36 left, chat. Minute 36, no timeouts. Do you believe or do you doubt? Let's go Philly special. We'll watch as they scan. Always going to let this go for the end zone. No! Oh, what? How? How? Dude, how? It's looking a shot in the end zone. Defend. Dude, it hugs him. I should have been Philly special, dude. The music. Why did the music stop? This is awkward. I was one of the worstest places to play football ever. Hey, coaches fan, it's me, Jeff Gladney. Thanks for telling Prescott to throw it to me a few times today. Get the hell out of our locker room. It'll really help out next time I'm in contract negotiations. Get out of our locker room. Here's the $5 bucks we agreed on earlier. Get out of our locker room. Absolute worst NFL coach. Fire the sky. You're on the damn team. Mate, maybe one of you sons of bitches would execute, OK? Tim Tebow, you ain't a damn quarterback no more. You're a tight end. Why the hell are you throwing the feet through more interceptions and completions this game? There's a reason why you're a tight end now and you ain't no damn quarterback no more. Now I gotta go talk to the damn. Coach, we asked for ice cream yesterday and we still haven't gotten it. Can we please have ice cream after the game? No, there's no ice cream after the game, OK? That was one of the worst plays the Athletes might have seen collectively as a team. Watching your team in the red zone is like watching myself make love while drunk. Just can't get it in. Coach, I have this rash on my bum. What cream should I use? I'm not the damn team doctor. I'm the coach. Coach Fondt, man, dud, man. These boys, man. What the frick dud? Fire this joke. OK, here's what we're doing. Listen, I don't want to look at you all. I don't want to look at you all boys, dud. Man, what the frick this darn coach? Dud. Listen, I don't want to take one more look at you all. OK, we're coming in extra practice tomorrow. How are we supposed to win a damn football game? Coach, there's only so much you can execute when the play qual is the 10th Philly special of the game. That wasn't me. It's supposed to be a trick play. No, that was Tim Tebow kept calling that on. Not your only play. Listen. Coach, it sprinkles. Dougals and I want to invite you over for scones and espresso tomorrow. What the hell is a scone? We just got the front room redone and it's a calming post-modern feel. The only damn scones I know are the ones you're supposed to run damn agility drills off. Can I give you a hug, coach? No. Nobody has a hug. I don't want to look at you. I don't want to smell you. Coach, you stand. I don't want to see you. That was a heck of a defeat, sir. I don't want to hear you. But I think everyone in the stadium is wondering one thing. What is your preferred method of eating corn? OK. Do you eat at lengthwise or widthwise? Do you slather the entire length with butter? Do you use your offhand or dominant hand? I know some people will spit on the end to make entry a little smoother before consumption. That said, what's your preferred method, coach? You eat corn the long way and that's it. Now listen. Sorry, coach. I pooped my pants halfway through the game. I'm leaving. OK. I ain't going to chew your ass. I'm chewing your ass in here. I ain't chewing your ass out there. I just want to say y'all look terrible. Every single damn one of you. And every single damn one of you should be afraid for your damn jobs. OK? Every single damn one of you. I ain't going to go out there and throw y'all under the bus. I got to go. I got to press conference to attend to. All right. Another damn week of this bullshit. OK. Yo. Coach, I need that butt-paste real bad. Can you please pass it to me? That ain't a question. Leamer here from Madagascar Times. Slash slash, I don't think it is fair for all of you reporters to make fun of coach's fan for losing to the Kansas City Chiefs. They are a strong team that anyone could lose to them. Dot slash slash, away does fan lost to the Vikings. W.O.M. Eagle Old W. My team is dog shit. And there's going to be some major, major, major changes. It's Mr. Underscore Mustache from the T3 Financial Times. I talked to the grounds crew and they said it was your choice to remove the coffee from the press room. Rebuttal? I'm not a damn, I don't handle that. That is not my job. My job is to coach football. Football coach is coach football. How hard is that to understand? Hey, coach, for giving us this free win, we thought it would be appropriate to give you payment. So we have ordered 15 happy meals just for you. Hey, coach, anything to say on rumors with the owner thinking of firing your sorry ass? Thanks, coach.