 Ladies and gentlemen, the Jaws of Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin presents the Halls of Ivy starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. If you like good beer, you'll find it pays to be curious and learn about Schlitz for yourself. The Halls of Ivy. The college that is in the town of Ivy, USA. It's a quiet day, a day of contentment. Even the flies muffle their buzz in respect to the general repose. But judge not according to the appearance. In a dormitory, two students cramming for a final examination in calculus are engaged in a hot contest of canasta. Professor of philosophy has just scalded his throat with a boiling cup of tea. And in the tranquil home of Ivy's president, Dr. William Todd Hunter Hall, his wife Victoria, erstwhile leading actress of the London stage, is pacing the floor as though waiting for a first night curtain. Back today. Why today more than any other day? Because I have something for you that I think you wanted for a long time. There ever been a moment that you haven't had everything I've wanted for a long time? Yeah, there you are. For Dr. Hall with the compliment of Mrs. Hall. Or go on and wrap it. First I'd like to make a little speech about how my gratitude will run us over. You open it open. He can't do it. Open it. Well, it looks like it's... And it is a book. It's... Vicki. You're welcome, Todd. Oh, but Vicki, how in the world? John Dunn. Is it really the first edition? I wasn't too sure. Yes, it is. It's the quarter. Look. Here we are. Look. The poems by J.D. with elegies on the author's desk. London. Printed by M.F. for John Marriott. And are to be sold at his shop in St. Unston's Churchyard in Fleet Street, 1633. That's what you wanted. Oh, Vicki. I enjoyed it. I've been searching for this slim little treasure for some 15 years. I've accumulated enough dust from bookshelves, both sides of the Atlantic to fill up the Pacific. I've ransacked every seductive seller and attic from the Hebrides to Halifax, and you... where in the world did you find it? I don't think that's a fair question. Why not? You know, darling, that every woman must have at least one secret to be a woman. It's a hangover. I see. So it's none of my business. All right. Wheresoever, howsoever, and howsoever much I will thankfully receive. Forgive me, my darling. I haven't even kissed you for it. I'm entirely and everlastingly indebted. Again. And again. And again. Oh, darling, won't I have produced one little book for Christmas Island if you adopt Elliot's five-foot shelf? Well, there's more where that came from, but Vicki, wait, wait, where's the poem I want? It's somewhere near the... here it is. Yeah, do you remember? The Good Morrow. I wonder by my truth what thou and I did till we loved, where we not weened... unquestionably someone who hates love and poetry. Well, we did dispose of him in short order. Excuse me, darling. Hello, Dr. Hall speaking. Hello, Doctor. This is Maryweather. Oh, it's nice to hear from you, Mr. Maryweather. Yeah, well... Again? Well, that's a chronic condition, isn't it? Well, what now? You and the rest of the board appointed him college librarian. I wash my hands of it with a good, strong soap. Well, then, who is it and what is it? Well, in the first place, Mr. Wellman doesn't know the word, rampant, and if he does, I'm sure he thinks they're trousers for land shop. Secondly, what has they got to do with Maypole? Or do you mean that Maypole is running rampant? Mr. Maryweather, do you know the title? Well, the name of the author? Yes, yes, yes, I'm here, and then again I'm not quite sure. Well, I'm not worrying about Wellman. Good. Oh, thanks, thanks very much, Mr. Maryweather. Goodbye. In the first surge of excitement, I may have misunderstood you. You just brought me this book to look over, was that it? Well, it was silly, darling. It's yours. I bought it just for you. Yes, I understand. That is, I didn't misunderstand. You did buy this book? Well, of course I bought it. I came through that. Are you bothered because I didn't tell you what I paid for it? Well, it helped to know. Well then, I paid exactly 50 cents for it. Well, what's the matter with that? Isn't it good? Good. My dear Mrs. Hall, the last list price on this rare and precious volume was $1,450. Why, Vicki, that's the first time I ever heard you whistle. For $1,450 I just learned how. Well, where did you get this remarkable bargain? At the campus bookshop on the remainder table. Do you mind if I call them? Oh, I should die. This is Dr. Hall. Oh, good afternoon, Dr. Hall. May I help you? I hope so. I'm calling in reference to a first edition of Poems by John Dunn. Oh, my gosh. Pardon me, Dr. Hall, but that's all I've been hearing all day. But we, Mr. Wellman and the Maple, you think I stole that book? They've been on the phone every five minutes since noon. Now they're even threatening to search my shop. I see. Then you've never had it in your store? Yes, yes, I have. Oh, you must feel very badly about all this. Yes, yes, I do. Well, for your sake, I hope they find the book. For my sake? Oh, yes. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Empton. Goodbye. I did buy it there, Tori, no matter what he said. I bought it there this morning. Yes, of course you did, my dear. Now, look, I'm not a chargeee. You might just as well tell me what's going on. It all started with that telephone call from Mr. Meriwether, didn't it? Well, come on. Come on, I can take it. By a remarkable coincidence, a rare book has disappeared from the Ivy Library. A first edition of poems by John Dunn, which I bought at the campus bookshop today. Only they never had it. That is approximately the situation. Now, let's face the truth, Vicki. This is a hot book. Does that make me an accessory after the fact or something? If you are an accessory, my dear, you're the most indispensable one since the self-starter. You would defend me, I know. But you remember who sold you the book? I don't know his name. It was a young boy. He must be new at the bookstore. I don't think I've ever seen him there before. Well, by some agency, whether natural or supernatural, this book was transported from the library to the bookshop where you found it. And we'll have to return it at once. At once. And with an apologetic footnote to the good Dr. Dunn, seek not to learn for whom the cash register tolls, doctor, it tolls for thee. I was curious. I hated it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. We'll return to the halls of Ivy, starting Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman in just a moment. But first, let's hear how one man turned an idle moment into an ideal experience. Well, I'm a member of that large fraternity of the tired businessmen of America. It's not a club. Anybody can get in it. Although there are certain qualifications. Take mine. I've worked hard all my life, haven't had a vacation in five years. And my wife keeps telling me I don't know how to take it easy. And she's right, of course, or at least she was. Things have been different the last few weeks. Lately when I get home from the shop, I've been finding a bottle of Schlitz beer next to my favorite chair. That's the little woman's subtle way of getting me to slow down. And by George it works, too. I remember the first night she put out the Schlitz beer for me. I came home after a pretty rugged day with everybody wanting their orders at once and four of my men home ill. I was dead tired and, ah, you don't know how good that bottle of Schlitz looked to me right then. I sat down in the chair, kicked off my shoes and put on my slippers. Then poured myself a tall glass with a good collar on it. I took a man-sized swallow and then leaned back and let that fine Schlitz flavor roll around in my tongue. Well, if I hadn't known that Schlitz was the largest selling beer in America, I'd have known that it deserved to be. And by the way, if you want to see a picture of a man who knows how to ease up and enjoy himself, drop around my place before dinner some evening. I'll be sitting there with my bottle of Schlitz. There'll be one for you. And you can join me in saying, no wonder they call Schlitz, the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Once we return to the halls of Ivy, we find them preparing regretfully to return their precious prostitution with rightful owner, the Ivy College Library. Toddy, the binding's falling apart. We could take it back page by page. No, no, no, no, darling, all or nothing, just blindfold me, tie my hands and arms, tack John down under my elbow and we'll be on our way. Shall I untie you so you can answer the door, dear? No, no, you remain seated, Mrs. Hall, just in case it's Wellman. Well, I could swallow the evidence leaf by leaf. $1,450 worth, huh? A rich dish. Come in. Good afternoon, Dr. Hall. I'd like to talk to Mrs. Hall for just a minute. It's terribly important. Oh, you sound important, Mrs. Hall. I'm Tucker Mills, sir. I'm a freshman. Oh, I'd never have guessed it. Come in, Tucker. Uh, Vicki, uh, Mr. Tucker Mills to see you. Oh, my William, this is the boy in the bookshop. Uh, please, Mrs. Hall, could I speak to you privately? I mean, personally, on business? I would have to be obtucer than I am not to perceive an act upon a hint as broad as that. Please excuse us, William. I'll take a long stroll into my study, and I want to look up a word, obtucer, as a comparative adjective. Mrs. Hall, do you remember you bought a book from me this morning? Indeed, I do. I'll give you a dollar for it. Tucker, I only paid 50 cents. I wouldn't want to make a profit. It was a purchase, not an investment. Will you take 50 cents, then? It isn't mine to sell. I gave it to someone else. Oh, well, dear, think you could get it back. I doubt it. Would you tell me who it is? Maybe I can make a deal for a dollar and a half. Well, why are you so anxious to buy this book back, Tucker? Oh, a friend of mine wants it. Well, a friend of mine has it. Very dear friend. Oh, there's got to be a way to just got it. What does it mean so much to you? Perhaps if you explain to Dr. Hall... Oh, that's all I need, the prez! And Dr. Hall may have his forbidding aspect, but he's really a rather wise and compassionate man. And besides, he's the one that has the book now. Oh, I'm cooked. Gee, I didn't want to tell you, Mrs. Hall, but you're in awful trouble. I am. I am? And I got you into it. Do you know what that book was that you bought from me? Yes, a first edition of Foams by John Dunn. Why didn't you tell me? If you know what it was, why did you let me sell it to you for only 50 cents? Gee, it's worth an awful lot more than you paid for it. I know. I'm told it's worth almost $1,500. What? Oh, brother, who told you that? Dr. Hall. I'm dead. Yes, darling. A young man just died. So I see. He's quivering with rigor mortis. Did you coin a medical novel to him? Dr. Hall, I didn't do a thing, but now I've got you all into a mess and I've taken that darn shot out. Now sit down, Vicky. Would you scare up his neck for a tucker? Sure. He looks a little weak. Vitamin's coming right up. Now go ahead, tucker. What were you saying? Well, I worked for the campus bookshop. This morning they sent me to the library to pick up some duplicate books. You know, whenever the library gets a new shipment, they weed out the shelves and sell all the extras for the store, and we put them on the bargain table. Well, there was a whole pile of them and I just took them. Nobody can blame you for that, dammit. No, it's always possible to blame anybody for anything. That's why the index finger is slightly curved at points around corners. Well, when did you find out that you'd taken the John Dunn along with the other? Oh, when Mrs. Hall picked it out. We thought you'd have beat up book. It didn't look worth 50 cents. And that's why I noticed it. Then Mr. Ampson started yelling about a valuable old book by John Dunn missing from the library. I just ran here as fast as I could. I didn't want to make any trouble for Mrs. Hall. Well, thank you. I can still make my influences on Q. There you are, boys. Thank you, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. Vicky, Tucker here has just vividly described the pedigree nation of a particular book which has put us all in a kind of a pickle. Well, you can read it with relish, doctor. Well, it's all very simple, Tucker. Mr. Maple will understand when we explain what happened. For Maple? He'll never understand. He hates me. Oh, then it isn't so simple. Why does he hate you? Well, I used to work for him at the library. One day I found a book he'd misplaced and he never forgave me. Then when Professor Cameron asked him for a book, Maple said it wasn't in the library. Only I found it in the stacks. And I got fired for that. Well, you often expose him. Well, don't worry, Tucker. I'll return the book to the library myself. Maple need never know you had anything to do with the matter. Oh, gee, you can't do that, Doctor Hall. I got you into this. And besides, the book's really yours now. I think we should have that door removed in a ten-cent-ten-style install. I'll get it. Tucker, I told you Dr. Hall would understand. He's a great man, Mrs. Hall. Oh, Mr. Wellman. Uh-oh. You don't have to shout, Dr. Hall. May I come in? Yes, yes, of course, Mr. Wellman. Come in. Come in, Mr. Wellman. Quick, Tucker, let's find a foxhole in the kitchen. Mr. Wellman, I'm honored. This is not a social call, Dr. Hall. I thought you'd be relieved to know that the thief has been found. Oh, what is he still? Didn't Mary whether call you or is it so unimportant to keep your mind, Dr. Hall? A rare volume was stolen from the library. Oh, yes, yes, the, uh, John Dunn. The thief is one of the students, Tucker Mills. Well, what makes you think so? He has a bad record. My cousin had to fire him from the library. He's been working recently at the campus bookshops. And was seen in Maypole's office this morning when the book disappeared. The police will soon pick it up. Then I assume it's out of my hands. Well, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Wellman, for taking the trouble to relieve my mind. Your mind? Oh, yes. Goodbye, Dr. Hall. Well, come out, come out, wherever you are. Oh, that, that cost that gone, buddy. Come on, Tucker, the coast's clear. Weather's still cloudy, small storm ahead, I'm afraid. Gee, Dr. Hall, I'm terribly sorry. I better give myself up and just tell the truth. Oh, I believe in the truth, too, Tucker, but, um... If, if Wellman and Maypole have their way, now they must have it to clear up Maypole's blunder. You'd have your day in court, and I've no doubt the justice would eventually prevail. But in the meantime, what about your term papers? Your final examinations, you'll miss all of that. Who's gonna make up for it? For all of truth, you'll still pay a penalty, and that would be very unfair. Gee, Dr. Hall, besides that, I'm causing you an awful lot of trouble. Of course, Tucker, but you could be the innocent victim, and you will be unless we find a way to silence Wellman and Maypole. For instance, if the, uh, if the missing book were to be found in the presence of witnesses right on Maypole's desk where it was all along or should have been, well, then I, I think they'd be glad to let the matter drop. Who's going to put it there? I'll toss you for it. Hey, Nick, all you always win. I'll keep looking for another one, and someday I'll find it maybe at an old rummage sale or at a cut-rate drugstore somewhere. You know, Vicki, so often the end of a search is the beginning of disillusioned, but I remember one occasion when it was the beginning of everything. When was that? Oh, not too many years ago in London. I, usually so full of words, in an excess of adoration, sought another voice. I rushed you to the British Museum Library to found the volume I wanted so that another might speak my heart for me. Remember the quiet of that library as I read to you from John Dunn? I wonder by my trove what thou and I did, till we loved. William, you always part your hair on the right side? Yes, yes. Shall I, shall I start over? And does the hours in your eyes always flash, little spark? No, no, no, I don't think so. I'm sorry, darling. Go on. I wonder by my trove what thou and I did till we loved. Were we not weaned till then? But sucked on country pleasures childishly? Or snorted we in the seven sleepers dead? It was so. But this all pleasures fancies be. If ever in a beauty I did see which I desired and got, it was but a dream of thee, and now good morrow to our waking soul, which watch not one another out of fear, for love, all love of other sites controls and makes one little room and everywhere. One little room and everywhere. Excuse me, sir. If you two are going to make a commotion, you'll have to leave this library. Oh, my good man, are you calling love a commotion? Who is speaking of love, sir? What else is there to speak of, sir? And if you insist on making a commotion about love? Buddy, I'd love to make that kind of a commotion. If you could drag yourself back from wherever you are and wherever it is, I'd like to be there, too. You always are, my dear. Dr. Hall. Mrs. Hall. Sorry I wasn't here in my office to greet you. I left for a moment to check with the police department. Oh, are you on probation for something, Mr. Maple? Of course not. You know what has happened? Well, I've heard disturbing rumors that you lost a very valuable book from the Breckenridge collection. Lost? Lost, indeed. Dr. Hall, it was stolen. Of what was stolen, Mr. Maple? A first edition of John Dunne, I thought you knew. John Dunne? I saw it here a minute ago. Well, here we are. You mean this? Dr. Hall, where did you get this book? Why, I just picked it up from your desk here. It wasn't there. It couldn't have been. I tore this place apart. I know it wasn't there. In fact, I know who took it. Couldn't you have made a mistake, Mr. Maple? I never make a mistake. I know who had this book. Oh, then you knew I had it. You? I bought it. You? I bought it for Dr. Hall for 50 cents. 50 cents you couldn't have. But I did. I bought it at the campus bookshop. But how did it get to the campus bookshop? Perhaps the answer is that you left a very valuable piece of merchandise lying on top of a pile of discards. The boys stole it. Now, why should a boy steal something worth almost $1,500 and sell it for 50 cents? Particularly when he didn't make a cent for himself. I'll talk to dear Mr. Wellman about this. Do. Do by all means. I hardly think that your cousin, who is at least a good businessman, would approve of such ineptitude. This is a trick, Dr. Hall. No, no, no, Mr. Maple, just a fool, lift somewhat eccentric circle, which is a grateful the circle is now completed. But I don't think the Board of Governors would find it very funny if they knew that the custodian of such valuable treasures as this didn't know a first edition from a duplicate. Oh, Dr. Hall, in all my years, I've never been accused. In all your years, and in all the years to come, Mr. Maple, you should be everlastingly indebted to one person, my wife. If she hadn't bought this book, somebody else might have come along and bought it. And then, where would you have been? Good afternoon, Mr. Maple. Do you switch our plans around a little? Why, you tell Maple a real story. He didn't deserve to know the truth. I couldn't help myself, darling. I'm a lazy man, and I've always found the truth so much less effort than evasion. You know, sometimes I... Vicky. What is it? Something awful has happened. We've got to go back to the library. But, Toddie, are you all right? What is it? George Maple owes you a lot. George Maple owes you 50 cents. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. And here again are Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Good night, everybody. Good night. The magazine now on the newsstands is Mrs. Ronald Coleman in the halls of Ivy. It's called, Ronald Coleman becomes a college president. If you read it and see the interesting pictures, you'll know why the Coleman fits so convincingly the roles of Dr. Hall and the charming Vicky. That's Look Magazine on the stands now. Other players in our cast tonight were Willard Waterman, Herbert Butterfield, Ralph Sedan, Sidney Miller, and William Tracy. Tonight's script was written by Barbara and Milton Merlin, and Don Quinn. The halls of Ivy was created by Don Quinn, directed by Nat Wolfe, and presented by the Jones & Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ken Carpenter speaking. The Great Gilders League on NBC.