 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five qualities guys over 40 look for in a woman. We're gonna talk about that in a few moments. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Also, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. My coaching is rather contrarian. So if I shift your perspective a little bit, then hopefully I've improved your life. All right, let's talk about those five qualities guys over 40 look for in a woman. All right, we really, the reason why I'm a midlife dating a relationship coach and midlife is after baby making years and before retirement is because there's a big difference in human behavior and human interaction for the big difference between those in their 20s and 30s versus those in their 40s, 50s and 60s. And one of the primary reasons is roughly I believe 75% of singles who are actively in the dating realm over 45 years old are divorced. So with divorce comes a lot of different nuances that you can't apply to those fledglings. And I'm sorry if I've insulted any of you 20 or 30 year olds, but for those of us boomers, that's what we say or what some of us say is people in their 20s and 30s are quite a bit different and especially men. Men are driven highly by their testosterone. We're driven by our sex drive. And so whenever you hear men are on the hunt, just remember men are on the hunt for sex and not necessarily a fully committed relationship going, I want a relationship, I want a relationship. So 20s and 30s a little different. Now here's the thing. Men in their 20s and 30s when they make the choice to actually decide to start a family with someone then they're actively on the hunt for a wife. So they operate a little bit differently than those in their 40s, 50s and 60s because a significant number of people, as I mentioned earlier, are divorced. And with a lot of divorced people, the last thing they wanna do is get married. So can you see how there's a conflict in the way people operate? And certainly not all men in their 20s and 30s are looking for a wife, but a significant percentage are looking for, for lack of better word, the mother of their children. So they're going to be more intentional in the process. Okay, so let's come back to the over 40 crowd because this is what this conversation is about. And I wanna lean into how men operate differently in their 40s, 50s and 60s. And as I said before, since they're not on the hunt for a wife, in other words, someone to raise babies with make babies and raise babies. And of course there's the exception to the rule. Men and women do operate quite a bit differently. So when I'm about to share, even though they're the five qualities men look for, men over 40 look for in a woman, these actually go for both genders. In other words, men and women alike are actually seeking what I'm about to share. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and here's my notes. There we go. The five qualities guys look for in a woman and we're gonna get started in here. So get started today. So number one, number one, men are seeking competence, competence. And what I mean to say, and by the way, as I said before, this goes for both genders. So ladies, you're seeking competence as well. And what I mean to say is a significant number of people in midlife, their life is in chaos. They're a train wreck. Maybe they're going through a nasty divorce. Maybe they have issues with their children. Maybe they have health issues. In other words, their life isn't a bit of chaos. So men and women alike and men in particular, we are looking for women who are competent. In other words, they have their act together. They have their act together. And ladies, you know this too, because you don't wanna date someone who doesn't have their act together. And while women can be oftentimes very accommodating in this particular case, both men and women alike are seeking a level of competence. In other words, do you have your house in order? Do you have your life in order? And that's not to suggest that we won't have chaos in our lives. Of course we're gonna have those, but it's how you navigate that in your life. And what's interesting is, and I'm gonna talk about this a little bit later, is one of the signs of emotional maturity is do you take personal responsibility for your choices? So while your life might be in chaos, are you blaming others for your lot in life or are you taking ownership? And for those who take ownership, even if there's a little bit of chaos going on in someone's life, that's okay, because we'll choose that person if they're competent and they take ownership in their life. So that's really one of the key fundamentals of emotional maturity is you take ownership in your life even when things aren't going well. Okay, number two is nurturing. That's right. Now women are supposed to be natural nurturers, but I'm here to say that one of the things that men and women seek as we age is partnership from the area of taking care of us from a physical perspective. And listen, I know some of you might be thinking, well, Jonathan, I'm not looking to be a nurse or a purse for someone, okay? And that's not what I'm suggesting here. But I remember I met someone about 10 years ago who had just started a relationship with a woman. I think they've been in a relationship for about six or seven months and they were in their mid fifties at this time. This was a while back. And he ended up getting, I think he got the West Nile virus or something like that. He got sick and she totally stepped in and took care of them while this was happening. And he was literally out of her for six months. And so it could be, for example, it doesn't have to be something like that. It could be COVID, it could be something else. She totally stepped in, helped him, supported him in his life. And he was so appreciative of that. And he really, it endeared him to her, deared her to him, that he eventually asked her to marry him. And then now they've been married for I think over nine years now or something like that. Now, of course, there's always the exception to the role. I know a lot of you ladies can be nurturing, but to a high value guy, to a man who actually has a level of emotional maturity, we appreciate that nurturing from a woman. Just as much you appreciate nurturing from a man, because the reality is, is as we age, shit's gonna happen. I mean, we're gonna get sick and it's better to be in partnership with someone who where you can support one another through the tough time. So that's certainly something men are looking for. And there are not necessarily every woman is a nurturer and certainly not every man is a nurturer, but these are things that we pay attention to. And certainly thankfully this is an innate quality within women, so you're already ahead of the game there. Okay, number three, this is emotional connection, emotional connection. And the reality is, is remember when I was talking about men in their 20s and 30s, well, they are so hyped up on testosterone that they're so single focus. It's about getting a job, meeting someone and be hyper focused on being that provider protector, if you will, that they actually aren't in touch with their emotional side. And here's what happens at midlife is as our testosterone levels begin to decrease, our estrogen levels begin to increase, and we actually start to become more in touch with our emotional side. And we actually begin to desire, what I often say is a heart on to go with our heart on. For some minutes like this though, that's why the blue pill wasn't done it. So I repeat that a lot of men are seeking a heart on to go with their heart on, okay? Now, I know a lot of you, it may not seem this way. And yet men are thirsty on some level to open up at an emotional level. And the challenge is, and this is true for women as well, is to find a partner we feel safe with, find a partner to feel safe with. This is one of the reasons why recently I've been recommending a book to you all. It's called Oral Sex, Oral Sex. And it says talking and listening your way to passionate intimacy. The reality is as most divorces happen because there's a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship and intimacy means into me you see. In other words, seeing into a person's soul on a more heart-centered level. So men and women are thirsty for this. And while there are plenty of men, and I understand this from the woman's perspective, that are emotionally unavailable, emotionally stunted, they might have avoidant personalities deep down inside, they're thirsty for emotional connection. That is actually relatively true. The challenge is most people don't have the skill set to communicate an emotional level. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And this is gonna be so important when we talked about the fifth reason. Fifth quality men looked for because the reason why it's called Nonviolent Communication is we oftentimes communicate in a combative way and not in a heart-centered loving way. I'm gonna repeat that in a combative way and not in a heart-centered loving way, okay? So that's why I recommend reading this book. Okay, now we're gonna go into the fourth thing. And this is one of my favorites. The fourth quality men are looking for and that's playfulness, playfulness. The reality is is as we age, a lot of people become very stuck in the mud. This is true for men, this is true for women as well. They actually lose their sense of play. Now part of that is we've been beaten up so much on some level, especially if you've gone through a divorce and raising children, then you're back out there. And certainly the dating process can create a lot of frustration as well. And what humans are thirsty for is that level of play. That's one of the reasons why men oftentimes seek younger women because there's this belief that a lot of older women lack that sense of play. And I can tell you, I speak to women all day long that don't wanna date men their own age because they feel like they're a stick in the mud. And so one of the elements or one of the qualities that's so highly desirable is that playful, fun, flirty personality. Now some of you have known this as being feminine energy, but the reality is this isn't masculine or feminine. This is just playful energy shouldn't be labeled by a gender. It should just be innate within us. And it's also playful energy just means you have a youthful way of looking at things and not such a hard pressed way of looking at things. And sadly, at least here in the United States we become so divided on how we look at things blue and red, black and white, you know, this and that. And when it becomes one sided, it no longer becomes fun to be in relationship with someone because they're more focused on being right instead of being happy. And one of the fundamentals for a happy relationship is about seeing both points of view from a fun energetic playful way. All right, number five, and this is the last one. And this one's gonna be a tough one for a lot of people to hear because being rational, being rational, and this is true for men and women, the desire to be rational. And the sad thing is dating triggers the number one emotional health issue most people face is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And sadly, the dating process triggers a lot of unhealthy emotions and a lot of passive aggressive emotions and such. And also jealousy. Oh my God, there's so much jealousy out there because of social media, you know? And like, you know, the social media aspect and the Instagram aspect and the Facebook aspect has created a lot of jealousy and a lot of unhealthy behavior and add to that, you know, this, and I'm just gonna outline a few behaviors that often happen is sulking, stonewalling, procrastination, withdrawal, refusal to communicate. These are all behaviors that men and women are both experiencing in the dating realm and that seems rather irrational. And when a person's behavior is irrational, that's a huge turn off. And this is true of men and women alike. This is why, you know, when you hear about ghosting and disappearing and stonewalling and bread crumbing and God, there's so many different new terms. I can't even keep up with them all. It's a lack of emotional maturity. This is why I'm gonna spend a few minutes talking about the five signs of emotional maturity and start paying attention for this. Do their actions match their words? Do they take personal responsibility for their choices? Are they in victor consciousness or victim consciousness? Do they know how to fight fair and fighting fair simply means I listen to your point of view and accept your point of view as being true for you? And do you listen to my point of view and do you accept it to be true for me? Also, empathy. And empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I care about your feelings and I care about my own feelings from a place of self-love. And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link to get all of my books that I recommend here. This is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can reach that level of inner empathy that allows you to be empathetic to another person. And lastly, transparency. These are the signs of emotional maturity. And transparency really is if it's material to the relationship, then speak up. Speak up to one another because the vast majority of people are hiding. They're in fear. Their ego is trying to make sense of it all and they're acting in an irrational behavior. And that makes it difficult to really form a bond with another human being. And that's why I draw attention to all of the books I recommend. And if you're not familiar with the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. So I'm here to say, I invite you all to do a bit of inner work to prepare you to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Now I'm gonna spend another minute just sharing one more thing and then we're gonna jump into the Q and A. And that is something I talk about frequently now. It's called the four A's to a relationship. And this is your multivitamin to a healthy, happy relationship. And the four A's are attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. And what men are thirsty for is to being accepted for who they are. What they're thirsty for is to be appreciated for their efforts. What they're thirsty for is to feel affection with one another and mutual attention. And let me just say this, women are thirsty for this well. This is why I'm a big proponent of dating emotionally mature people. And if you need help vetting for emotional maturity, then check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you because my area of expertise is teaching you how to pre-qualify your prospect that for emotional maturity. Let me repeat that, my hair is messed up. Pre-qualify your prospect for emotional maturity. So check out the link below. All right, the five qualities guys over 40 look for in a woman. Let me repeat that. Competency, nurturing, emotional connection, playfulness, and lastly, being rational versus being irrational. All right, I think this is a great time to jump into our Q and A. So if you're ready and if you're familiar with my format, those who are listening to the recording or those who are live, there's a live chat box here on YouTube. And if you're listening to the recording, you won't be able to see it. If you post a question for me, write the word question and then post the question in there after that makes it easier for me to find in the chat box. In addition, if you purchase a super sticker, a super chat, all the monies that go to the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in the scholarship fund, I helped defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development. I also invest, I give money to charity like the Hoffman process and Insight. So all the monies from super sticker super chat goes there. All right, time to ask questions. So if you have a question for me, post it in the chat box below and we're gonna spend the next few minutes answering questions from the group. So again, write the word question and post it thereafter. Sharon says, Jonathan, red is your color. Thank you so much. It's because I kind of have blue right here. I wanted to have the contrast today. Gina says nurturing, but not mothering. I agree. Vivian says question and she just raised her hand, but you have to post a question there, Vivian. Thank you so much. Sadie says, I have noticed that boyfriends always ask me for reassurance. They ask me, I am smart, I'm a good person. Good for you. The reality is most humans are seeking some level of validation. So it's very human to seek validation from another human being. Okay, if you have a question, post the word question and write the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker, super chat, otherwise this is gonna be a short live stream for us today. So let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Oh, Doris writes, sunny, Jonathan, I'm seeing a man who is younger. I never hear anything about age difference. Actually I do have a video on women dating younger men. So if you check out all my videos, you'll find it there. All right, do you have a question for me? Ah, well it looks like we have a bashful group tonight. So I'm gonna give it one more minute and if we don't have any questions, we're gonna be wrapping up for the evening. Vivian says, I did, okay, let's see what this is. Again, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Okay, again, write the word question then post your question thereafter. I believe, okay, anyways. Vivian says, date a guy 55 for two weeks. He always talked about future plans together. Since Friday night, he disappeared all of a sudden. Everything was perfect. That's very common, okay? And that happens because folks, the early stage of dating, we are oftentimes triggered by lust or limerence. Let me repeat that, lust or limerence. And so this is why if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, here's a picture of it. The tip of the iceberg is chemistry. Okay, and that above the water line is attraction. Below the water line, it says compatibility and there says shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Here's the thing, humans oftentimes hyper focused on lust or limerence or chemistry and not the real sense of compatibility with one another. So it's not uncommon that men can talk about the future because that's how we operate, we futureize. But then when we actually spend time with someone, we might realize that they're not right for us for whatever reason or we may not be right for them. So that's one of the reasons why men, men come up, listen folks, every time you hear about men, are the hunters and they love the chase. Well, yeah, we hunt sex. Sometimes we love the chase of that, but we hunt sex doesn't mean we're walking around going, I want a relationship, I want a relationship. Even when they say they want a relationship. This is why it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build a healthy, happy relationship together. Let me repeat that, it takes about a hundred hours to build foundation one and a hundred hours doesn't mean you spent a weekend together and that's 72 hours. I'm talking about a minimum of 10 to 20 separate dates where you've accumulated a hundred hours. That's about how long it takes to get to stage one of familiarity, then it takes more time to build from there. So it's not uncommon that this happens doesn't mean that men are bad guys. It just happens to be a bit of how this works. So, you know, like my mom used to say or like I've read quite a bit, men are the gas women are the break. So just remember your boundaries and your standards is what's gonna set you up for relationship success. All right. Thank you for your question, Vivian. I appreciate that. Sandy writes, question. I naturally have anxiety and I'm dating someone long distance and travels for work. We do have the same intensity in the relationship. How do I control anxiety and stay out of my head? Great question. So Sandy, chances are you're experiencing what's known as an anxious attachment style and anxious attachment style. I highly recommend reading the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and the subtitle. Are you anxious, avoiding their secure? How the science of adult attachment and can help you find and keep love? This will help you. And also, one other thing that will help you is to recognize that the sky isn't falling. When you recognize that after a couple thousand times that the sky didn't fall, maybe you can shift to a level of self-discipline within yourself. This is one of the reasons why I recommend reading the book, my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, as well as reading the book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships, How to Be an Adult in Relationships. This will help you quite a bit in your area of anxiety. Also, you may wanna read Joe Dispenza's book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. This is the science-based way of shifting that narrative. I highly recommend reading this book. But great question, Sandy. I recommend doing inner work because there's no magic fairy dust that you can say to him that's gonna change the narrative. You have to change the narrative inside yourself because it's not his responsibility to heal your anxiety. And by the way, ladies, be careful of trying to get validation from men all the time because you shoot yourself in the foot quite a bit when you do that. So great question, Sandy. I appreciate this. All right. Vivian says, question, I need to take this put out of my system, please. Good for you. All right, Mary writes, how do you heal and move on from a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? And when should you start dating other people? How do you heal? Okay, coming back to my book, What the heck is self-love anyway? It's an inner job to heal. I recommend a lot of books. And you might wanna read the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvell Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Getting the Love You Want by Harvell Hendricks, Helen Hunt. Chances are you chose a partner very similar to one or both of your parents' personality. This is a very common thing is known as the Amago, as the Amago. And what I'm here to suggest is, is when you have a better understanding of yourself and you heal within, you can then start making better choices. Now, when should you begin to date again? Someone once told me for every year you dated, you should take at least two months off or two to three months off. So if you dated for three years, you might wanna take six months off from dating. Now, that's just a guideline, that's not a rule. But I'd certainly, if you dated someone for a year plus, I would take a minimum of three months off before you go out back in the dating realm. I know a lot of people will tell you the best way to get over someone is to date someone new, but you have to unravel the tapestry of that old life and establish your life for yourself. And so take at least three to six months if it's been a significant relationship. And that's my suggestion to you, Mary. Thank you so much for that question. All right, let's keep going. Gina, or Linda, oops, sorry, here we go. Linda says, question. Hello, in your opinion, how long does lust and limerence last before blossoming into love? Well, sometimes it can be as simple as the first time you have sex and then either, because here's something that happens. Once that chemical satisfaction happens, this is one of the reasons why men disappear after sex because they were only in it for the short term. But if the sex is great and there's a real friendship-based connection between the two of you, well, then there's a chance that limerence will start leaning into a more healthier form of love. So limerence is basically dopamine being released in the brain that makes you feel good. When you've established a healthy friendship along with the sexual piece in the relationship, that's your chance to build something deeper. And what happens then is instead of dopamine being released in the body, it actually becomes serotonin. And serotonin is actually the love drug that makes us wanna come back for more and more. So I suggest studying that. And a great book to read in conjunction with this is Making Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis, Making Love All the Time. I love this book for a better understanding of how a healthy, happy relationship is built. Unlike the book, The Rules, which is all the manipulative way dating a relationship is today, I'm here to suggest a healthier way to definitely check out the book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis. All right, great question, Gina, thank you so much. All right, Vivian says, question. I believe you mentioned before on other videos that we should end the relationship when we get ghosted and should take the control and tell them something about it. Can you share this again? Okay, great question. So one of the videos I've shared before is Stop Being So Nice to Men. Now here's the thing, when someone's behavior, someone who's expressed affection, you've been intimate with them. They've actually made promises about the future and they all of a sudden start pulling away. I know a lot of the dating coaches will tell you to lean back in your feminine energy to give him space to miss you so he can come and claim you. All right, and most of you know, I think that's a crock of shit. And what I mean by that is yes, sometimes creating space, or excuse me, creating space sometimes creates an unhealthy desire to get this person back, okay? So, but I'm not a big proponent of that. I'm a proponent of leaning into the conversation by simply saying, hey, I noticed you pulled back energetically and I'm just curious what's coming up for you. Now I can understand that you might be feeling some reservations in the relationship and I want you to know I feel some reservations too. And I'd be open to having a chat about this and I just want you to know something, no pressure, because I'm not attached to the outcome. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm not attached to the outcome between the two of us. I just would like to have deeper conversation if something's coming up for you because if it's material to you then it's material to me because we've agreed to explore a relationship together. And I invite women to lean in instead of lean back. Now, it requires being a little bit intentional. Now, most men who have ghosted are probably not gonna come back. But by the way, but, or not but, and by opening the door, you create dialogue with one another. Let me repeat that. You create dialogue with one another what's so missing in relationships today is a healthy conversation and dialogue between two people. So that's why I'm encouraging communication with one another. And if it requires you to make the effort first, so be it. But Jonathan, that puts me in my masculine energy and I've been told that masculine energy scares men away. Folks, masculine energy doesn't scare men away. Let me tell you what scares men away. Criticism, contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness, just to name a few, irrational behavior, jealousy. That's what scares men away. And none of that is masculine energy, okay? Masculine energy simply means doing and feminine means receiving and a healthy human being needs a combination of both to actually have a full life because if a man's always in his masculine doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, guess what? He's gonna die 10 years earlier than you will. Oh, I just heard lightning outside, thunder, excuse me. I didn't hear lightning, I heard thunder. So I guess it's raining where I'm living today. Okay, so getting back to this. And feminine energy, if you're just sitting back and you're feminine waiting for a guy, how can you actually engage in a healthy, happy relationship? So I'm here to change the narrative. Men get turned off by unhealthy behavior just like you get turned off by unhealthy behavior. And I'm here to switch the narrative from making it about masculine and feminine, and let's just focus on healthy human behavior between two people. That's my invitation for you. By the way, my coffee mug says swear a little, swear a little, you'll feel better. This is why I do occasionally drop an F-bomb or two. All right, Vivian, thank you so much for your question. I hope I answered that for you. So make the effort, see where they're at. And guess what? The benefit of by making that effort to see where they're at, you cut to the chase a lot sooner instead of waiting, waiting, waiting. And folks, stop expecting men to be the leaders of the relationship. You are in charge of your emotional destiny or your relationship destiny, not the guy, okay? So take charge of your destiny. All right, great question, Vivian. Thank you so much. Hazel says, amen, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Jennifer writes, question, is it likely for a 50 year old never married man to finally marry? Is it likely? You know, I think the chances, I mean, if I had to put odds on it, 50, 50, I mean, could be 10, 90, I don't know. It just depends on if you guys really care about with one another and it depends on how important it is to you. I know my best friend who's been divorced now for a few years says he doesn't want to remarry, but I spoke to him and he said if his girlfriend wanted that, he would do that. It's not his desire to do it, but as long as it doesn't come at you as a demand or expectation, as an invitation to how to build a life together, men are capable in their fifties if they've never been, by the way, my friend that I've spoke of has been married, but men are certainly capable of it, but it's not, you know, ultimately what matters most is do you have a healthy, happy relationship together? And you might want to read, Jennifer, you might want to read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, great book to determine if you're both on the same page when it comes to your relationship, because at the end of the day, if you're on the same page, it may or may not matter to be married so long as you're on the same page continually, okay? Jennifer, great question, thank you so much. All right, I'm gonna stand up for a second. Laurie D says, question. Seeing a guy second time around have asked the what does commitment relationship look like to you? He agrees on the same wants and needs, but is busy, short in text, can't open up any thoughts. You know, I've got some thoughts on this, Laurie. Here's the thing, the dating process is very challenging because these days we're meeting total strangers, we're meeting total strangers. And as I said earlier, it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time, about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to truly get to know another human being. So chances are, he just doesn't know you that well, he doesn't feel safe with you. You've only gone on two dates with each other, so I wouldn't expect too much from somebody and if their lifestyle is busy, coming back to my relationship iceberg, again, everybody look at my iceberg. Above the waterline is chemistry, below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity, that's where compatibility lies. It might be that your lifestyles aren't compatible with one another, and that's okay too. If your lifestyles aren't compatible, you may not be a fit for one another. The whole point of dating, dating is a vetting process to decide if you wanna be in relationship with someone and a relationship is a vetting process to decide if you wanna be partnership with someone. This is why I highly recommend checking out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, because the better you can vet someone, you'll spend less time with the wrong guy and start choosing men who are aligned to who you are when you get a better sense of who's the right person for you and that's what I can help you with. So reach out to me, because that's my area of expertise. Laurie, thank you so much for that question, I really appreciate it. All right, Lisa writes, question. What if I broke up out of anger and since he ghosted me for a month, I sent a few messages to him? Well, what if I broke up out of anger since he ghosted me for a month? Well, if he ghosted for a month and you ended the relationship because he ghosted you, that seems like a, I don't believe in an angry, I don't believe in a violent way of communicating with one another coming back to the book, Nonviolent Communication. I don't recommend that. But my thoughts, well folks, we gotta stop fucking around here. You know, stop having, again, I come back to this book, how to be an adult in relationship, folks, before the penis goes inside the vagina, read this book by two copies of the book, eight dates, before the penis goes inside the vagina and read these books together so you don't get attached to the wrong person. Folks, everybody is acting like fucking children today, men and women alike. You know, I mean, I shoot these videos about the five qualities guys look for, but it's, you know, here's the thing, emotional maturity is lacking in the vast majority of men and women alike and it's a cluster fuck out there, I get it. This is why it's important to become a grown up yourself first. So you stop choosing people who are going to waste your time, stop spending time with people that waste your time and start making better choices right from the get-go. You know, it's interesting, there's a woman that lives in my complex here and she showed me her hinge profile on, you know, on her dating app and she has 25 messages, 25 different men she's communicating with and she's actively dating four or five guys right now and I'm listening to her share stories and she's like, she says to me, Jonathan, I'm overwhelmed. This is just too much, I can't handle this. Well, she put herself in that vote. Folks, I prefer only, once you start meeting someone I prefer only focusing on one person at a time because it can be absolutely overwhelming communicating with so many people at the same time that you can't even figure out who's a good candidate for you because everybody is dating 15 people at once and that's a clusterfuck. So anyway, that's just my thoughts. I was rambling there. I forgot who asked that question but thank you so much, Lisa, I hope I'd helped. All right. Chrissy says, what is the best way to build a 100% transparency trust with a man who's been hurt in the past? Love, love, love this question. So, I highly recommend, first off, understanding that trust starts within and one of the things I highly recommend for women to do is to lead by example, lead by example. That's why I continually recommend reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This teaches you how to communicate in a way that you're seen, heard and understood in a healthy, healthy, healthy way. Because when you can lead by example, when you've done it enough times, the man will start feeling safer with you and ultimately if someone's been hurt, man or woman alike, it takes more time to feel safe with one another. But I'm here to say, if you already start the dating process with walls up, it's going to be problematic. I'm gonna repeat that. If you already start with walls up, it's going to be problematic. So, start doing the inner work, the inner work of what the heck is self love anyway that I recommend and that will better prepare you so you can come from a trustworthy place and you can lead by example. That's my invitation for everyone. So Chrissy, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Folks, we're gonna take one more question. We're gonna wrap up early today because my back is still hurting a little bit. I'm on my way to see a chiropractor on Wednesday. Let's hope that makes a big difference. So, we're gonna take one or two more questions and wrap up for the day. All right, we, Jen, hey, sweetheart, question. What does it mean to you when a man finally invited me to visit him at his place to cook dinner and make a cocktail on our eight dates? How much can you tell he's serious? He has read eight dates with me. Folks, okay, I always say before the penis goes inside the vagina, read this book. If a guy is reading this book with you together and you guys are having real dialogue about it, that's a great sign he's into you. I'm gonna tell you, eight out of 10 men won't do this. Eight out of 10 men won't do this. So the fact that you've got a guy open to doing this and you've gotten to the eight date, that is fantastic. That is such great news because chances are he's a little bit more serious and a little more intentional. So I'm so happy to hear this. So I hope it works out for the two of you, but that's just, I think that's a great sign that he's gone that far. And does that mean he couldn't ghost you or disappear at some point? Yeah, that could certainly happen. But I'd certainly say you've done better than 99% of the people out there. So way to go, Weachin. All right, folks, you know what? I'm gonna wrap up today, folks. I'm still feeling a little off on my back. I just wanna thank you all for your love and support. I know I don't have enough time to answer all your questions. I really do appreciate it. I hope you find value in the five qualities guys over 40 look for in a woman. We're gonna repeat that really quickly. And that is competency. In other words, you have your act together. Number two, you're nurturing from a healthy space. Number three, men desire emotional connection as they age. Number four, a playful youth youthful attitude. And lastly, being rational because the last thing men or women want is irrational human beings. And let's face it, folks. There are a lot of irrational men and women out there in the dating, mating or relating realm. So folks, I wanna thank you so much. If you found value in this, please check out. Please purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat before you wrap up. If I provided value here today, I'd really appreciate that. Also, if you need some love and support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Check out the links to my podcast, my books, my membership group called, and it's right all there in the description. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video. As I always do, first off, give myself a big gigantic jot than bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, teddy bear or pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank you all so much and wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much, bye now.