 I'm Wendy Lo and I'm your friend as we journey to take your health back. We are coming to you live from downtown Honolulu from the studios of ThinkTech Hawaii. Today our discussion will be on healing hearts, healing health. How I broke up with, this is so funny, how I broke up with, not me now, how I broke up with spam, sugar, and sickness and hooked up with success. Today we will hear how one local girl, Plastida, overcame childhood trauma to find love, agape and aloha, and heal from the inside out and if she can, surely you can too. What I would like you to take away from today is a discussion. When you heal your heart, excuse me, you can heal your health, it's like cleaning house hit by hurricane. Start small and keep taking steps forward or I would like to add, if you know that a hurricane is approaching with 150 mile an hour winds and rains and wind to follow, would you just sit at home and watch TV and eat your malasadas or what would you do in preparation? Right? So it's like your health. You know the rates of cardiovascular diseases, cancer, diabetes are raging. All are you just going to sit at home and just wait for something to happen or are you going to protect your temple by eating healthier, exercising more and less TV. Today we are blessed with the heart of a mighty warrior, a friend, her name is Don O'Brien. She is the president of Hope Hawaii Foundation and she's the law ambassador and she truly is ambassador of aloha. Welcome Don. Aloha. I am so blessed to finally get you on my show. Thank you sweet friend. Yes. You are a patient, wonderful warrior of Christ. The only thing is we only got 30 minutes. I'm going to jam him and talk real fast, rip at the lip, rub at the cross, let's roll. All right. So before we get started, can you just tell us a little bit about Don? Yes. I am actually half Tongan. Half my mom is Tongan and I am half Irish. And so I got all the temper and a body for back it up or back your truck up. And I moved here when I was 12 years old. We flipped between America and Tonga a lot and I graduated from Helohai, went to UH Manoa, got a speech degree and I've been involved in media ever since. Wow. And I love hearing you mornings and just being in the room with you. I was just so enamored with what you said, how you said it. And I watch you and I've watched you learn and I've watched you grown. Thank you. And then I watch you grow some more. Okay. And so no pun intended, but I know you picked up some weight. Yes. Okay. Because I'm very observant. I did. Okay. And you lost 30 plus pounds. Yes. You look awesome. More awesome I should say. We go from glory to glory in God's image. And you did this with no exercise. Yeah. I mean that in itself is amazing. So how did you do it? And what the heck is your secret? Because we all want to know it, right ladies? And guys. Yes. Well they say happiness is an inside job. Well there's also a lot of other sayings that health is an inside job, wealth is an inside job, success, contentment, peace, every good thing is an inside job. But unfortunately every bad thing can be an inside job as well. And so happiness is an inside job. And I was eating a different way and it was called a self-medication addiction type of way. Now I always joke because I just said I'm half Polynesian and so I joke and say I eat for your survival. You don't want to see me hangry because you're going to get dead. And so I joke about it and we make a lot of jokes but we're covering up that in our culture especially in the Hawaiian Tongan Samoan Polynesian cultures. There is a lot of affliction and addiction because our people once were warriors. The most fit people who used to sail across entire Pacific Ocean which covers a third of the Earth's mass, we went from the most fit to the most unhealthy in the most unhealthy nation. Yes. Why? Yes. Why? So let me explain that a little bit more. It's an inside job but happiness is not determined by just what you're eating but what's happening inside of you. It's not happening around you, it's what's happening inside of you. In other words, it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you. Now the USA is the number one most powerful superpower in the history of humanity. We are the most powerful country and yet we're the most unhealthy, most unhappy. That is the number one killer of our children. Depression and drugs, both legal and illegal, depression, drugs, those are the number one bestsellers and we also know that incarceration is number one in the world here in the U.S. and especially with Polynesian Americans. The most incarcerated group is not just African American, it's not Latino American, it's not even American Indian, it is Polynesian Americans. We have so many prisoners in the state of Hawaii, we have to ship them out of state. That is correct. We suffer for it. So what's happening? We are a great nation but we are a nation of great addiction and affliction because we are not paying attention and affection to our children. It's happening in every single home, Wendy. It's happening in every hood and it's happening everywhere. Why? Well, it doesn't matter if you're Oprah Winfrey or Don O'Brien, it doesn't matter if you live in Mayor Wright's housing or over on Mariners Ridge in the million dollars homes. It is killing our nation that we have trauma in every home. Now trauma as the CDC or Centers for Disease Control calls it the greatest health threat today in the world, not just for the United States. So that's the big picture. Let me pull it into the individual picture. This is the silent killer epidemic that was killing Don O'Brien. And as a Christian woman, I started to stumble and it started to show on the outside. People who used to watch me on TV a few years ago with Pastor Wayne on Connecting Point and then I was on my own show, The Dawn of a New Day in Hawaii, they could see the pounds racking up and even though they loved me so much, they were asking what's happening with Don because obviously something was eating me up. Right. Wow. You know, you are speaking such from the heart and so many people out there will be able to relate to this and I love the transparency. I love that you're sharing with us that you, you know, from the outside, like you said, looks perfect, happy, healthy, just the best heart for the Lord and just always smiling and abundant rays of abundance and light coming out from you exuding. But yes, the afflictions on the inside. Yeah. And you know, I deal with a lot of different organizations, American Diabetes, American Heart and taking care of God's kids at Campogape. Yes. And that you said it about the Polynesians. Yes. The numbers are greatest with the Polynesian culture. The most unhealthy people in the most unhealthy nation in history. Yes. Why when we were warriors? Yes. And exactly that. And that's, that's part of the root of the problem. Yes. Right. And so, you know, when you talk about trauma, it's such a general term. So tell us more about that trauma. Absolutely. So this silent killer epidemic started with two doctors who stumbled on it in a fat clinic of all places because the people losing weight started regaining back fat. And they wondered what was going on. And when they stumbled upon the fact that it was sexual violence as a child or it was different trauma that happened to them as a child, then they did a massive study. Over 17,000 people in a Kaiser Permanente study. And as you know, that's a huge study that's now been backed up by a meta-analysis in other studies. And the results were shocking. It is now what is known as ACEs. ACE is adverse childhood experiences of fancy terminology for trauma. And there are three types, abuse, neglect, and then there's household dysfunction, or we call it dysfunctional families. We put the fun in dysfunction. And then under those three types, the first three specifics are, number one, physical abuse, which we see a lot of here in the Polynesian nation. Emotional abuse, sexual abuse. And then numbers four and five on that list is physical neglect, where they're not home. Your parents are not home with you. And then emotional neglect, where they are home, but they're not available to you because they're playing video games, because they are in their addiction of drinking or drugging after work, or all day long, or maybe it's pornography and they're not available to their children. And then number six out of 10 of the ACEs that are now well known is mental illness, threat to the mom, known as domestic violence. Number eight, divorce or separation, which you have to imagine, Wendy, is a huge majority of us. It's probably almost 80% plus. Then number nine, substance abuse or addiction. And number 10 is incarceration. Now any single one of these is extremely harmful to a child. And these 10 are happening in every house in every hood. And it is extremely harmful to their minds, their hearts, and to their spirit. The CDC, the Centers for Disease Control, says children raised by an adult with just one ACE is 1,000 times more likely to suffer adverse experiences in their lifetime. That's shocking. And this is the silent killer epidemic that we're seeing, the fallout in our homes and in our hoods. Wow. I mean, I have no words, Julie. That was so depressing, but it was so real. Yes. And you know, I do a lot of work with the women in the prison system. And when we just need to spend more time with them listening, and that's the therapy they need is to listen, to listen to their hearts and listen to their stories and listen to their backgrounds before we judge. That's exactly what we need to do more of. And I know you do a lot of that as well. I know we do that with the children and when we have them at our camps. It's just mind-boggling because, you know, like, I didn't have that. So it's hard for me to relate. But the Lord is putting me in such environments where I'm exposed to this more and more. And every time I go to the prisons and I work with the children and the women as well, it's just, where do you begin? It goes deeper and deeper. And it's not that that's dark enough, but it gets even darker the deeper you dig. Yes. Absolutely. And I myself am traumatized by what I hear from them. Right. And it's just, yeah. So, you know, what do you see as a result? So some of the effects, because every time I've said this, Wendy, I mean, I'm even seeing off-camera that your tech person is writing this down as quickly as possible. But every time I've shared this, they list down the 10 and they can say, I have two or I have three. Four is a high score, but here are some of the effects of ACEs. The results is when our kids lack affection and attention, they will turn to addiction and affliction as I did and as too many of us have done. And here are some of the behaviors. Number one is lack of physical activity. We stop exercising because we're gaming. Can I say social media addiction? Can I say mass media addiction? We're watching the news. We're watching TV films. We start smoking and vaping. Hawaii's early onset of vaping starts in fifth, sixth grade. That is twice as low as the rest of the nation because we're hurting hard. Yes. And they say our Hawaii kids are starting vaping in second grade now. It's earlier and earlier. You also see alcoholism, drug use, both prescription drug abuse where they go into their parents' prescription cabinets, medicine cabinet, grab the prescription drugs, missed work. And here are some of the physical and mental health effects. You can see it on the screen there is obesity, diabetes, depression, suicide, STDs, and then the number one killer of heart disease. Quickly coming up is number two, cancer. And then you have stroke, COPD, which is your breathing, and then broken bones. Unfortunately, here in the state of Hawaii, we're seeing way too many of every single one of these. And what do we do about it? Yes. Where do we start? We know the basic killers of the disease is, of course, cardiovascular and then cancer. And they're right up there. But a lot of the issues, a lot of the issues is even deeper than that. Yes. And because of all this darkness. You're in the owl. Yeah. From all of this, it just erupts and it's just grows into the disease that we label as cancer. Yes. Exactly. And you're in the dark spot of the trauma in their lives. That's right. From one of the aces. And now it's one in three men are being impacted by cancer. We need to be concerned. So this is what is now termed by the CDC and most educators, psychologists, all the smart, brainy people. I went to Hilo High, so I'm not in that group. I'm trying real hard. But they are calling it toxic stress. Toxic stress, if you think of it in a simple term, is like pouring Clorox in your heart. You're not pouring the living water. You're not drinking water. When you see abuse in the home, when you see abuse of mom, when you're suffering abuse, neglect, all of these dysfunctions, that is Clorox in your system. And that's what leads to having a hard time at school or work. It leads to having a hard time in relationships. You become dysfunctional even though you love this person. You're acting out anger. You're acting out all these, as you said, dark spots are coming out and you're thinking, I hate treating this person this way that I love, but I keep doing it. Why? When you see on this pyramid that the CDC has put out to help us visualize the effects, it starts with the ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experience, quickly goes up to disrupting your brain. It actually shows that the chemicals in your brain are rewired, which disrupts your neurodevelopment, the developing of your brain. And then the yellow band is where you have social-emotional cognitive impairment. You can't think. You can't function. Then the green is where you have help at risk behaviors, like having too many sex partners, drinking, smoking, vaping. And then you go up to the blue of disease, disability, social problems. And finally, ultimately, is the early death, which happens now for kids who have a lot of ACEs, early death happens at even 35 and 40. Wow. And a lot of that death is self-inflicted. Yes. And a lot of people don't know this, but Hawaii does have one of the highest rates of suicide, teen suicides. And we need to work on those issues of why, not how come or don't know another number and bring it out to light and let's get to the root of the problem. That's right. And what you're sharing with all of us in the audience, Don, is a lot of people didn't know all the ACEs. So when they evaluate their lives, they can see, like, oh my gosh, I'm in a danger zone. I better fix on here the soul of my body, my tempo. I need to work on those things, address it, and then let's fix it and work on it. That's right. So, Don, right now we're going to take a 60-second break and we're going to get right back and grab your Kleenex, everybody, and just clean your heart right now. I just know that there's hope for all of us by learning what to do above these things. Aloha. Hi, I'm Rusty Kamori, host of Beyond the Lines. I was the head coach for the Punahou Boys varsity tennis team for 22 years, and we're fortunate to win 22 consecutive state championship. This show is based on my book, which is also titled Beyond the Lines, and it's about leadership, creating a superior culture of excellence, achieving and sustaining success, and finding greatness. If you're a student, parent, sports or business person, and want to improve your life and the lives of people around you, tune in and join me on Mondays at 11 a.m. as we go Beyond the Lines on ThinkTek Hawaii. Aloha. Aloha. I'm your host Sharon Thomas Yarbrough, sister power here at ThinkTek Hawaii. And sister power is all about motivating, empowering, educating, and inspiring all people, and we have various subjects here. Sister power is here at ThinkTek every other Thursday at 4 p.m. Again, my name is Sharon Thomas Yarbrough, host of sister power. We look forward to seeing you. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me as sisters in power and kawaii at gmail.com. Aloha and welcome back. We're here today with Don O'Brien, and I am just lost for words because of all the information that she shared with us in the first half, and I just advise all of you, open up this segment, watch it and watch it again, and put it on pause and make sure you're aware of the aces in your lives and the loved ones in your lives, but look at it and you know what? Come to grips with it and face it. These are like the devils in the dungeon. You need to face them. And when you face them, then you can work on it and make it better so we can get all that darkness out and just fill our temples with light. That's what we really need to do is fill our temples with light. Absolutely. And so, oh, Don, where do we start? So the aces, what did it do for you, Don? OK, so I have to say that I am the poster child of an adult with aces. I am the aces, the ace of aces. I mean, I aced the aces test. There are 10 aces. I have nine out of 10 and the high score is four. The only one we didn't have in my household is we were not incarcerated because we were too smart and we got away with all our sins. But then I got arrested a couple of years ago and that's part of what I want to share is I was on TV, I was on the radio, I've been on the internet, I wrote a book. I'm a public personality, but I had a very private life. And I was, as I will describe, a Kardashian Christian. I had a whole lot of junk in Matra. And what that meant was that I was in a self-imposed hypocrisy. I was in a self-imposed hell. And so, in the morning, I was on the radio show and I was, and still to this day, I get recognized as anti-Don. I was the Don of another beautiful day in Hawaii, and I was on Christian radio. But by night, I was a Wicked Wahine. And I was engaging in my affliction and in my addictions. I had nine out of 10 aces and I was self-medicating with a lot of alcohol. And it was just wine because it's biblical. Jesus drank wine, but he didn't drink as much as I did. And so it was wine. And then I was always hanging out with my two best friends, Ben and Jerry. And they are not my friends. They are frenemies. And they were killing me because that amount of sugar consumption. So three years ago, I was up to 220 pounds. I was told by my doctor I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. I was already heading right in there. And I was also, my thyroid had failed, hypothyroidism, as well as adrenal failure level four, where your organs are shutting down for death. In addition to that, I had a heart monitor strapped onto me. So we're on the outside. I'm the Don of a new day. La-di-da-di, happy birthday. And the Chihu champion cheerleader from the state of Hawaii. On the inside, I was dying. And I was trying to hide that. And so I got diagnosed. And then two years ago, I got arrested for a DUI, which I'm extremely public about with everyone today. Well, that was a blessing. It was an absolute blessing because I went to prison. I finally got caught. I went to jail. And for 12 hours, I prayed and I struggled. I wrestled with the Lord. And when I came out, I had a good Samaritan in Pastor Jimmy Yamada, Jr., a good friend of both of ours. And Uncle Jimmy, to me, he bound up my wounds. He put me into a hospice care, which was with Rob Gross, Healing Hearts. It is prayer, healing and deliverance. It got deep down into the root causes. If you heal the man, heal the land, heal the root, and you'll see better fruit. And we went into Healing Hearts and we exposed it all. And then at my lowest of lows, Pastor Jimmy, Uncle Jimmy, still looked at me one day when I had gotten in a car accident. I mean, I was still texting and messing around. He looked at me and he looked at the car. And as I turned away, he said, Don, I turned back to look at him and he said, nothing you do will ever make me love you less. And nothing you do will ever make me love you more. Agape, I love you unconditionally. Wendy, in that second, in God's eternity, in that infinitesimal moment of infinity, I fled up the stairs of the homeless shelter where I was living because of my sin. I couldn't receive that love, but it broke in through all the walls that I had. And it penetrated me with that agape, which in Hawaiian we call aloha. And that's exactly what every child today of trauma needs to hear is that they are seen, that they are safe, and that they are celebrated. There is nothing we can do to make the Father love us less. And I wish everybody in the state of Hawaii had an Uncle Jimmy. But here's what it did for me. It set me free and it let me know that in my worst, my people who loved me, they knew everything bad about me and they loved me still. Now that didn't mean that they were gonna leave me in my afflictions and addictions. They loved me more than that and they were asking me to step away from that. And so that's where I was personally impacted by ACEs and what it looks like in the, I am the ace of ACEs. Wow. And so, you know, Don, as I was always following you and I see you at all the events, did you notice me always coming up to you with a kale smoothie? And I just said, Don, just give me a call. Don, just give me a call. You were one of the many friends trying to reach out to me. Thank you, Andy. I saw the pain, I saw the suffering and I said, Don. Thank you. So thank you to Jimmy. Yes. Mahalo, Uncle Jimmy for finding her and in reaching such, in such deep places. Amen. Where the strongholds were broken. And now we have the brightest Don. Hallelujah. The brightest new day. From glory to glory. Yeah, I'm so excited because now you can impact even more, where you impacted so many, you can impact even more and bring them to just love themselves. That's my prayer because too many of us, and I'm not just talking about the Christians who are Kardashian Christians hiding junk in our trunk and trying to live out a word of God that does not appear in the word of God. This is all lies, but that's the Christians. I'm talking about every person on earth is being impacted by aces. Right. And so if you were to wrap it up in one simple sentence, what is the answer? I just said it. The answer to aces is aloha. It is agape. It is love, but it's not just any love. Like I love pizza. I so love my hair today. It is unconditional love. Yes. It has to start with love. As I said, children need to be safe seen and celebrated. Now the science part of it, they're not gonna talk about the God side of it, right? So let's talk about the science half of it. They call it overcoming trauma or aces is AAA. It's an always available adult. Or they started off with the MAMA, which is all my students at Manukulihay know this one, a meaningful adult, meaningful activity. So this is somebody, if your parents or your grandparents, your family might fail you because they never were equipped and had the wherewithal, you can turn to a teacher, a counselor, a coach in your sport, in your football team. You can turn to an after school person, someone who is meaningful adult and meaningful activity. And for me, that was through a pastor. It was through my swim coach and my volleyball coach when I was a kid. And so that's where it starts is being consistent, intentional and available to children being relational with them. So that leads us right into the very next slide, which is a VIP, a very important principle. And it is this, that the presence of a stable, caring adult in a child's life is the key to building resilience. Where you have trauma, you wanna overcome with resilience. So like I said, being consistent, intentional and relational means just be regular, Wendy, be in a child's life regularly. Be in their life, be there. Look at them in the eye and then finally be loving. So that's where it all begins to overcome. And I love that so many schools today are overcoming and becoming trauma-informed schools and they're dealing with it. Cause a kid's gonna show up in school and we cannot teach the mind if we have not reached the heart. If they just came from an abusive home, from an abusive incident, or they have not eaten that day, they didn't sleep the night before because they are addicted to gaming, then we need to deal with those issues and those factors first. So we need to be a trauma-informed Ohana community. Come on, teachers, come on, Diori. Get it? Do you get it? I mean, truly, once I traveled with our friend, Mick Wojcik, and he was going school to school, we went to 18 schools in three weeks' time. And his point at that time was addressing bullying. Yes. And a lot of these issues of the bullies are there in trouble as well. They're hurting on the inside, so they're lashing out. And then while they lash out, they affect the other students. And then the students that are bullied, they're not in the best position to handle and deal with all this. So they say, one more person hurts me or says anything bad about me, that's it. And it's not just like when you and I went to school, and I'm turning 15 next year, but when I went to school in the 70s and 80s, we would get bullied at school a little bit and then we go home. Today it's 24-7 with the internet, with the worldwide web. These kids are being slaughtered by the bullying. Right, they go home, there's no one home. So they've gotta deal with it themselves and then they turn to the internet and that's their parents for the moment. Yes, that's their community. And so like you say, Don, you know, just spend time with the kiki, spend time with each other, building relationships, and even Don, the adult 50-year-old, she needs eye contact, she needs love. You need 12 hugs a day. Yeah, 12 hugs a day. We all need it, we all do. We need these relationships. And that's why everyone thinks here in Hawaii that it's not what it is because they see the aloha and the love, but that's superficial. Yes. And so we need to dig deeper than just a hug. We need to follow up with that hug and make relationships even deeper than what it is. And I think we can really manage the situation, the darkness, by just overcoming it with hugs and love and a copy love. It's choosing aloha, which I am now an ambassador of the Choose Aloha program. It started actually on the East Coast with Choose Love and now it's being adopted into, it's in 75 countries, it's in 50 states, and here in Hawaii it's in at least 50 schools. And the newest one is Nana Kuli High and Intermediate. Thank you, Principal Pili Aloha. We are now choosing aloha and teaching our Kiki how to choose aloha, because like you said, we are the state of aloha, but reality is we're a state of great addictions and afflictions. So we gotta go back to the original aloha. Amen, amen. I, okay, we're gonna jump around because we're running out of time. There's too much to be said here. Okay, so we've uncovered or we've covered the internal. Now let's talk about the external. Okay, sure. Did you take? Number one, I went on on deep talks cleansing fast for, it started with 10 days and then my neutron Nazi Susie, I love this nutritionist, but she had it extended two to three weeks. So no sugar, no dairy, no meat, no processed, anything, right, no carbs. Instead I ate a lot of veggies, a little bit of fruit and I water, water, water, I turned into a camel. And then number two, I had to get supplements. It's just like wearing eyeglasses. I was missing certain hormones with my thyroid deficiency, with my adrenal deficiency. And so I had to take supplements. No shame in that, start taking it. And then 70, 30 split. It's gonna come up on the screen, but I cheated, Wendy. And I saw that working out is only 30%. Some people say even only 20% and diet was 70 to 80% of the solution. So I just changed everything that I ate because I wanted to, I've never been married. And I said, I'm gonna be ready. I'm gonna be warrior fit woman ready for that man to come along. So I did 80, 20 and then self care. I had to learn that I am an extreme introvert and I need to unplug from social stimulation from people. And I go home and I'm alone in a quiet place. Okay, but let's jump to this next slide because it's so cool. What is the top secret that you have? The S-bomb. All my non-equity kids know the S-bomb is sugar. Do not eat it. And you can do that by number one, drinking plain water, number two, reading labels. And number three, I eat dark chocolate every day. Dark chocolate is the best. And then one, what is one final thought that you would like to leave our audience with? I teach my ninth graders at Nanakuli and they all know this. You walk up and you ask any of them and it is this and I share it with you, is that they say, I am a miracle and I deserve great love. Amen. Love is a superpower and self love is the greatest love you can do it. Now, Christians listening might say, no, Don, Jesus' love is bigger than that, but you can't find Jesus. It's part of finding that self love. So know that, Wendy, you are a miracle. You deserve good love and you are a miracle. You deserve good love. And lots of aloha, which is love. Yes. So thank you so much, Don O'Brien, for being here and sharing all the secrets and all the aces that we all need to be looking at and I challenge all of you to look at it and do something about it. All right, aloha hoi, mahaludan, mahalo.