 Look at this guy's face. He's like Thanos Yes, that is literally why I became a cop is to perpetuate the bullying that I did in high school But except I could do it now with a gun and a badge I don't remember asking soy shit boy Well, I signed up to be police officer. Oh We can't do that son Nobody's gonna know but nobody's gonna honor your quest. Why the hell if there ain't no signups to become police officer Says the damn police department. No son son you can't be going inside there Boy, huh, you're gonna make my walls of what I can't do don't do I know my laws So I'm gonna ask you to leave Son you ain't quick as you ain't anywhere near as quick as me son You stale What stale are you stale? Scared scared of me scared of what Me cuz you know that if we were in a survival situation, I would eat you Okay, where do I sign up? We actually just had Academy. Okay, that's why there ain't no signup Oh, I get it So you're telling me Academy just happened cuz you don't want me to sign up Cuz you're too afraid that I'm too quick wet for you Boy can't handle A half or so sir No, it don't work like that, okay So you mean tell me this is a little test that if I make it to the end that turns out I pass No, this ain't a test, son. Hey, I'm gonna go take care of this one out back. Okay. Oh Big bad boy gonna resort to violence now because he knows you can't keep up with my skills and Son who the hell talked about violence? Don't get that Don't get what now next to the twash can is a figure or speech of how I'm a twash person, huh? Is that what this is little lesson for me condescendo, huh? Listen, son What are you gonna do to not get shot what? Tell me son, what are you gonna do to not get shot? What am I gonna do tonight to get shot? Uh-huh to not get shot to not get shot son. What are you gonna do? Screaming screaming yelling ain't gonna work son. Are you are you a religious man? So son are you a religious man? Huh? Let me tell you my favorite passage is equal 25 17 The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides By the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil man Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill Shivers the weak through the valley of darkness where he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children And I will strike down upon the with great vengeance and furious anger Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers and you know my name is the Lord When I lay vengeance upon thee Listen son, I'm not gonna kill you, but I sure as hell want to kill you. Okay Hey, I ain't bound by shit. Okay, I am the law Hey son, you ever been corn rolled son You ever been corn rolled corn what? Corn rolled son Hey, how's it feel son? How's that corn roll feel tough cop stuck in predicament where he can't kill me But I want to handcuff me cuz you know, you can't get in trouble for it. I want to shut the hell up son Resort in a violence, huh? Son, you ain't seen violence You want me to get the other side to this regard disregard that was a misfire No one's gonna hear you son. You can yell and scream all you want Ma'am how many police officers you shoot? Pardon? How many police officers did you shoot ma'am? Hey, I just asked her and she said she didn't shoot anybody. So we can probably just disregard, right? Con would do not be fooled by her Charming outward appearance internally She is like a snake seeking to coil about your innards and squeeze the dereft of life Lenny here. Let me tell you something When you get about damn near my age You're gonna you're gonna see that about most of them. You know what I'm saying Hey, it's one of you know, you're going to Joe for life We just got a word back that you killed an old man earlier and 16 kids off of school bus. So That's funny because I didn't know such thing Yeah, well, that's all the criminals say and then they found guilty and then they go to Joe for life So that's where you went Joe for sorry I Thought you told me didn't shoot nobody I didn't shoot nobody damn liar 16 kids sir That comes out of his mouth cuz he eats shit every man ma'am It doesn't come out of his mouth it goes down his throat. So now you're a liar and you're a murderer I'm not either which one is worse ma'am. I'm an innocent Canadian girl Well, okay now you're a liar murder and you're Canadian. So yeah, we got a commie on our hands Yeah, that's fine. We got a commie spy. That's right. I'm pretty sure she also Canadian Why the hell would I be jealous that my money ain't got no value. It's like damn monopolis Yeah, what is that? Your money says has bro in the bottom right hand corner ma'am Fuck it's colorful. It's pretty you guys have paper that rips and shit. Who wants that it gets soggy and wet Gross, you know, it's sad. That's like the best thing you can say about your country You know what? We got we got maples here smelling money Everyone is nice in Canada and all like this shit plays Everybody's nice, huh ma'am. You've ever been to French, Canadian. I don't like anything Canadian Mother truckers The hell free Listen, ma'am. The only thing that's free. The only thing that should be free ma'am Should I spell that out ma'am? F re only applies to one thing and that's Saturday morning Damn samples at Sam's Club in Costco. Okay, that's right. That's right They're stealing our Costco bro, I'm coming to the damn commie spies that come down here these spies in yep Oh, they steal our information. They build them over there what we got over here You know what we should do you know, I got me an idea. Why don't we build the wall? Oh God, you know what? Hey, she's singing like her heart out right now Well, I mean she's I mean she's Canadian so delusion is Your name's on them, right Yes, hey on them listen, I know you got your free health care over there You got your fancy maple syrup smelling money It's free, you know our taxes are a bit higher But hey, I'm not spending a million dollars a month on crappy health insurance that isn't even covering everything You're spending a billion dollars in your whole lifetime for something you ain't gonna Yeah Shelly shelly, okay. Oh no, shelly My god, are you okay? Shelly, are you okay? Shelly, just see him. It was a damn it was a damn drunk driver. He just drove away PD master damn the damn driver hit me in the hip hit my damn car from the back and maybe run into you Are you okay? Shelly can we get 52? NVA pedestrian on base the info base of the avenue, but you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Shelly. Don't worry, okay? We'll get someone here right away. We got to find out who that damn drunk driver was who hit me in the back Look, he hit me in the corner right there in the back He even took out the damn tail light you see that and then we ended up spinning us out. We got medical comma shell You can be okay It'll be fine. Okay. You'll be fine. Trust me. Don't worry No, that's fine. It's just normal. That's normal. Don't worry. I usually can't feel my legs You're not dying. You're fine Number what's your badge number? Hey, you know, we'll get the fuck off the scene right now Great They're just dragging her corpse down the side. No, it's not a core. She'll be fine. Okay Hold on what the hell are you all doing here? What do y'all do? Yeah, y'all y'all work a burger shot. I thought it was a raccoon. I was gonna eat it. No, I don't work it, but I'm banned from Me I see why you're banned. Yeah, cuz you're you don't listen Tony that was a Yeah, Jesus Christ Okay To the hospital, maybe we'll meet you there. I will go No, no damn drunk driver hit her hit me and then the pinball I can I can see the blood on your car How you got a butter up you got a butter up Shelley She likes you. All right. Yeah, I think this shouldn't be there shouldn't be a problem Hey, I'm gonna be completely honest and she was walking across the street without a damn crosswalk So who's fault is that? Hey, we should I'm not sue shelly Let's try to keep it on the road there cornwood. All right, the sidewalks don't really work so well Well, why? Why cuz you can hit pedestrians. Yeah, that'll never happen It just happened you just hit Shelley on the side. Well, she was walking across the damn street without a crosswalk I'm not We might have a lawsuit on our hand, I'm not sue her ass Getting in the damn way of my car nail this just just following my lead the hell Wait Shelley you doing okay, wait, can we go back here? Can I shit? What the hell? Oh, no. Oh, no Be ward Were you the one driving baby kid that nope? Well, I'm not was but it you know I have the beholder. You know I'm saying Where's dr. Minton? He's treating a patient who has a potential paralysis in their legs Three Do some miracle work, all right. Yeah, shelly. She's in the back of the x-ray. I need to do some miracle work All right. All right This could turn bad for us. All right What'd you guys do? Well, who fucked this up? Somebody hit me in the back And it was cornwood cornwood. No, I did not cover something up from corn. No, that's not what happened He would really appreciate it. I'm but yeah, what do I need to cover up man? What do I need to do? He's my he's my kid that right now So I need to see what you did cornwood now You're gonna get the best cop in the fucking city in trouble No, hold on now it ain't my fault somebody hit me in the damn back You know and then I and then I rolled into her and then apparently It hit her right right in the lower spine. Oh, Jesus Christ possibly between the L5 Well, it was a portion of my weight, but it wasn't my weight. It was a vehicle's weight. Oh god You ran into her. It's hard to explain. It's a lot harder to explain. It's not as bad as it sounds Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go try and fix this all right. All right. Yeah, I need some some of your best work. You've ever done Dr. I believe they're coming in hot getting scans done at the moment All right, let me go fucking see if I can make these scans All right, can I talk to her? I got you Mac Yeah, I'm pulling my long-term card here. I've been working with Drake for a long time I've been been getting on his good side for like almost a year now now. I'm using up my card on this Listen listen Mac You'll learn you'll learn someday. You'll learn Please it light me Sometimes you gotta you gotta break the law to uphold the law That's driving. Does that know ought to be broken or you know uphold well But listen, we got to break the law my telling her it's her fault that way we can continue to uphold the law not lose Her job. That's what I'm saying Yeah, I mean Thank God. You're a fucking diversity hire. That's all I'm gonna say. Oh, I think she's shelly's in the lobby. I think Oh, how else you get out there? Shelly you doing okay No And I ain't what it looks like Barrier engaged Corwin he said you ran over your wife's legs not ours like this shelly. No, that's not I didn't run over. Nobody's legs. Okay You almost killed her No, shelly. It's not what it looks like shelly. And I ain't what it looks like. It's real. No I'm confused shelly. It ain't what it looks like First you hit me cornwood and now you hit shelly chain. No, it was it was it was an accident Why do you keep running over burger side employees? Listen, it's not This is what happens. It's fine. Shelly. Shelly. Here. This is what I'm gonna do. Okay. I already taught I already talked to him. I said I vouched for you. Okay I'm gonna clear your charges for jaywalking and you're gonna be fine. Shelly. Okay Because because I listen I vouch for you I'm gonna do you a favor. Oh, yeah, but you were jaywalking approximately So man, shelly, don't don't you worry. Okay, shelly. We're friends Shelly, we're friends. Okay. I'll cover for you. Don't worry. Okay. You're not gonna get charged. You'll be fine I'm just concerned. Hopefully you're healthy. Okay Again, cornwood what side of the road do americans run the right side. It's the best and what is your Point to your right lift up your right hand or tell me what's That's your left According to you know, what do you mean? All right, you lift your right hand up. Let me see you lift your right hand up Yeah, exactly the fuck's going on here. What are we doing yoga? No, I'm not honest. I have seen your driving. I was in the back of your car when you were driving once I'll be honest with you if I was gonna if I was gonna run over anyone from the burger shop to be this guy Who's this guy who me? I don't work in burger shop anymore dipshit. Well, so then I wouldn't be planning on running over anybody from the burger shop But you wait wait wait That's what I'm saying. I didn't I didn't mean to listen the burger shop is like home for me Okay, I wouldn't I wouldn't never done that No, I said I wouldn't never do that. Okay, cornwood. I think needs to be a bike cop now You can only write all this down We'll see you in court, what's wrong? Don't wait bud What the hell I need to warn him about something catastrophic Okay Okay, I think I think we're good. Yeah, let's oh you're driving. Maybe I should drive for a minute. Don't worry. I can drive I know. No, I think I should drive for at least like, you know, it's just a little bit here Listen, you wouldn't run over a civilian on sidewalk. Would you No, well cornwood I think that one's pretty catchy. No, I can't wait to run for sheriff Hey, shelly Cornwood, you don't run at all. Uh, just wait till it's clear Your days are numbered punk What the hell are you saying son I'm gonna I'm gonna make I'm gonna see to it. Okay. This is the last time you ever drive this car Who the hell are you? What the hell do you do? Probably Probably struggles to Carry you that burden of a weight you got, but you know, what the hell do you do son? The hell that who who who the hell are you you think you you think You think you're some kind of jackass you think you're gonna stop me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I got a podcast mister. Yeah I'm gonna expose everything I just saw you do On my podcast. You didn't see a damn thing. What the hell are you talking about? I'm in rights. I took videos. I took samples. We have the blood here The blood's at the same bloods on there. No, there's no damn blood Your days are numbered Let it be known I'll get that badge. I'm not going anywhere. All right. We're getting the hell out of you. Y'all crazy. Yeah, we gotta go. See you later Have a good day. Thank you We gotta fix this oh god Can you drive like like you know what you're doing for a second? Huh? Oh god Lights at least lights at least if you're gonna drive like oh I can't the fuck car. I'm driving for a sec Just get the fuck in You're gonna mess cornwood Maybe you can love me you can leave me i'm a honky tonk star Yeah, i'm a honky tonk star