 and a seal door really, really wants to go on the Middle Earth field trip. My people, it turns out, are like dying or something. I mean, I feel fine. I just gotta say that Org's got nothing on her foot. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Rings of Power, episode five, might be the funniest one yet. We start out the episode with Nori and not Gandalf. Our Nori is using words to explain other words to a dude that knows no words. We conclude that conversation with him, secure in the knowledge that he is good, whatever that means. And so that we see the rest of the Harfoot party that they tried to leave behind, but didn't leave behind quite. And they're struggling along. And Nori's dad tells her pal, hey, why don't you cheer us up by singing that walking song of yours? So she proceeds to sing a super depressing song about hardships on the road. A song called Not All Who Wonder or Wonder are Lost. That sounds familiar. Then we pause for a brief interlude so we can see some Middle Earth pop stars who've decided to have a photo shoot at the crater site where not Gandalf crash landed. In very short order though, we return to the main plot where we see one of the Org's approach data who happens to be standing in direct sunlight. And here we get the show's first fourth wall break where data has the Org demonstrate to the audience that Org's are in fact vampires because they do burn in the sunlight. Either that or he's just an asshole. So we circle back to the world of men, to the humans who are all in their fortress tower thingy and the main gal. She gives them an empowering speech about standing and fighting against data and the Org's who have offered them mercy if they just swear fealty to them. But it's okay because they have a well-trained militia and wait, hang on. I'm being told that they don't have a well-trained militia or weapons or food. Yeesh. So now we cut back to Numenor, check in over there. And Isildur really, really wants to go on the Middle Earth field trip. But his dad is like, half of Numenor wants to go on the field trip, but I don't think there's a seat for you. And if you're wondering what the other half of Numenor wants, it's to be a mob and to yell about the warmongering elf that organized the field trip. Meanwhile, Isildur's sister goes to chat with her boyfriend and try to convince him to talk to his dad about this whole situation. But he's like, when I speak, his ears close up. And this is when we learn Isildur's sister takes things very literally because she tells him to speak louder. So then we check in with Halbrand, who is called to a meeting by the queen, where he learns that Galadriel has told them all that he wants to unite his people. And he seems pretty upset about this. Flashback. You would do well to identify what your opponent most fears and then give them a means of mastering it. The next day. It's like, well, I didn't mean me. Okay, so then we cut back to the Harfoots who have traveled miles and miles and miles, according to the map. And they get to this forest that they normally go to. And it's like super, super barren. And the lady's like, this forest shouldn't be this barren. That big dude that got here after us cause we left him behind, it's his fault that it's like this. Can't argue with that logic. Anyway, so she's like, we should take their wheels and leave them behind. I just gotta say that Org's got nothing on Harfoots. They are brutal. So then we cut back to Numenorm, where Galadriel observes the dude's training and how to fight. And she's like, they don't know what they're doing. They've never faced Org's before. I'll show them how it's done. She goes up to them and she's like, so here's what you do. You stab them. But later she does also say that you should never trust to brute force, to best an Org. Anyway, so after she says that you should stab them, she's like, come at me, bro. Her next bit of advice is to fight with your feet, not with your arms. And she demonstrates what she means by this, by proceeding to do a series of very elaborate hand and arm maneuvers. And while she's doing one of these maneuvers, she takes the sword out of the hand of one of the dudes she's fighting. And he just lets her. But I mean, in general, all these people she's fighting, they are very polite and courteous. Like when she's fighting a whole bunch of them, she's only got two swords. And she's got those swords at the necks of two of the guys she's fighting. Everybody else just waits politely for her to be available to defend herself against them. Very good manners. But before we move on from them, I do just wanna call attention to this one dude who's standing in the background who has just the worst wig that I have ever seen. Anyway, after Galadriel takes care of like everybody and is like, yeah, I'm the best fighter ever. Hope you learned something. Then Hal Brand, he kicks up the sword and catches it in his hand. And Galadriel goes over to him and is like, I've never known a Smith's apprentice to be able to do that, just takes practice. So moving on from them. When I was in college, I really liked to take my laptop out to cafes to study there. And it looks like Farazan had the same idea. He brought his maps out to the marketplace so we could look at them there. I mean, it's not ideal for private conversations about state secrets, but you know, he just needed a change of scenery, I guess. So anyway, his son comes and finds him while he's there. And he's all like, my dad would not be such an elf lover. And Farazan is like, I'm playing them so that Numenor gets more power and influence. You numb nut. And his son seems kind of convinced by this, or does he? But anyway, it's time to check in with the Harfuts again. And Nori sees that not Gandalf is doing something magical to his arm. Oh, sorry. I didn't tell you that not Gandalf scared away some warthogs. I mean, I'm sorry, oh wolves and saved the Harfuts. So anyway, he injured his arm and he's covering it with ice now. And Nori is like, I know, let me touch it. And then she's like, oh no, I have made a huge mistake. After which she's like, meaty and runs away because not Gandalf clearly hurt her on purpose. Finally, it's time to check in with the elves who are having this like fancy feast with their guest, Durin. There's this fancy eloquent toast. But then, before they can drink their wine, Gilgillad is like, before our wines ascend. So I think he was planning some kind of like wine-based magic trick where they levitate it. Sorry, illusion. And then Durin wants to know where they got the table that they're eating off of. He's like, this shit's expensive and rare AF. Dwarves only use this for super special stuff. And Gilgillad is like, oh well, I'm a rich as fuck. So I guess you better have it then. And Durin is like, damn right. So after that lovely little feast, Gilgillad pulls Elrond aside because he wants to share with him the secret of the rotting tree. So this tree is like in a very central location that is clearly visible to everybody all the time. But it has the good manners to rot only on the side that no one can see so that we can keep the super, super secret that it's rotting. So after showing him the tree, Gilgillad explains all of the horrible things that will happen to all of Elf kind if they can't vaccinate all the elves with the me-thrill. But you know, Elrond swore that he wouldn't share the secret of the me-thrill. He's not gonna break his word over the mere hope that this might help the elves. Gilgillad tells Elrond, hope is never mere even when it is meager, which I'm pretty sure is a direct appeal to continue watching rings of power. So then Gilgillad says, if the hope of preventing that is not enough to make you reconsider your oath, I suggest you find another. Wait, find another? Find another what? Find another what? Okay, so back to Numenor where Isildur's buddy got promoted to lieutenant because of the whole fight with Galadriel. So he tries to convince his buddy to let him go on the field trip to Middle Earth. But you gotta love a recurring joke because his buddy is like, sorry, Isil, see is always right. Next we learn exactly what Farazan's son thought about his master plan. He is not on board with it. He is so not on board with it that he's decided to be a terrorist. He gets onto the boat where Isildur happens to be a stowaway and he starts pouring alcohol all over the deck and he's got a flaming lantern. It's gonna set the boat on fire. So naturally, Isildur attacks him and knocks him around to ensure that he drops the lantern. And as we all know, alcohol is the exact same thing as gunpowder, so the ship explodes. And Isildur and Farazan's son are on the ship when it explodes, they are fine somehow. So in light of this act of terrorism, the queen decides to convene a powwow, but then she decides they should sleep on it. And she tells Galadriel to make sure that Hal Brandt attends the next morning session. I mean, she is the queen and could command him to attend and send her guards to get him. But, you know, I get it. Times are tough. You've got to cut costs where you can. Can't be sending guards to do everything when you can have the elf do it for free. So we circle back to the elves where Elrond is having a real crisis over this whole vow of Mithril saving the elves thing. He made a promise to his bestie that he wouldn't tell anybody about his secret project, but his bestie secret project could save his entire race. Like, what's he gonna do? I mean, it's not like he could go to his friend and be like, yo, bro, my people, it turns out are like dying or something. I mean, I feel fine, but apparently shit's critical. So could you help brother out? Maybe share some of that sweet Mithril? One hour later. Oh, it turns out that he can do exactly that. So what was all the drama about? So then we circle back to Numenor where Galadriel is letting Halbrand know about the next morning staff meeting that he's got to be at. And in this conversation, she tells him, sometimes to find the light, we must first touch the darkness. What that means, your guess is as good as mine. So Halbrand now learns that Galadriel's brother died and she is like, super not over it. And he's like, so this is about vengeance? And she's like, one cannot satisfy thirst by drinking seawater. And Halbrand is like, the sea is always right. Okay, he doesn't say that, which is a real missed opportunity if you ask me. She tells him all about how her team mutinied against her and her friend conspired to send her into exile. And the reason they all did this is because they couldn't distinguish her from the evil that she was fighting anymore. Which makes sense that she thinks that because if the elves ever did find Sauron, the first thing they would do is pack him off to Valinor. So then she gives Halbrand his special meaningful necklace back and is like, this is how you earn your peace. Which I mean, did get me thinking that she's banking a whole lot on that necklace meaning what she thinks it does. I mean, he's a refugee you found floating on a raft and a sea. Like who's to say that's even his necklace? I'm just saying. Okay, but so then we circle back to the humans where they are swearing fealty to Data because you know, they were promised mercy if they did that. And Data is like only blood combined and like makes the old guy kill this young kid that's with him. So is he gonna make everyone who wants to swear fealty do that? Cause it's a real quick way to cut by 50% the people that are gonna be supporting you and alienating the other 50%. Sounds like a great strategy to me. Meanwhile, back at the tower, the elf dude realizes that if he wants a shot at banging that chick he's into, he should try and bond with her kid. So he goes over to the kid who's practicing his archery and is like, lift your aim next time and don't be so afraid of the string. I wasn't aware that the string on a bow was scary, but good tip, I guess, but the kid is not into it. He does not trust elf duties. Like, no, no, sir. Why do you suddenly care about people? And the elf is like, well, you see the thing is I care about people. Also, lift your aim. You can't argue with that. So the kid now trusts him 100% and is like, let me show you my big bad super secret sword thingy. And conveniently, the wall right next to them has a decoration that explains what this thing is and where it came from and what it's for. Don't you just love when that happens? The kid's mom is having some doubts about this whole resistance thing. Seems pretty futile. So the elf dude is like, nah, she needs a pep talk. We can survive this. There is a way. There must be. Great pep talk. He almost had me there. So then we come back to Elrond and Durin where Elrond finds out that Durin lied about that table. It's not actually rare or special. We know how Elrond feels about deceit and lying. Oh wait, he's fine with it. Oh, okay. Nevermind. But yeah, it turns out Durin, the prince, just needed a new table to satisfy his nagging wife. It's being a prince isn't what he used to be, but Gilgalad is secretly watching this conversation, which is bad news because, well, I'm not really sure why, but there's definitely a reason. And I'm sure feeling the tension of this situation. And finally, we come back to New Menor where the Middle Earth field trip is finally underway and they've decided that they're gonna wear armor for the entire journey to Middle Earth. Seems extremely impractical to me, but it looks good. So, you know, if you've got it flaunt it, right? And that wraps up episode five. We learned so much in episode five. We learned that Galadriel is a good fighter, which I think we learned in the first few minutes of the first episode. Okay, no, okay. We didn't learn that. We already knew that. We learned that New Menor is gonna send ships to Middle Earth. No, they decided that before. They just kind of confirmed that decision. We learned that Isildur wants to go to, no, he wanted to go before. Like that's how the previous episode ended, but he's gonna get to go. So, okay. We learned that the dwarves have found Mithril and that the elves want, no. I think we found out that the elves want the Mithril before. I think we knew that. So not that. We learned that the Harfoots are savage and they just leave behind, no. They had like a whole thing about how they leave behind people who like can't keep up. So that's not new. We did learn that not Gandalf can do math. He did magic the first time that he showed up. Okay, so, so that's not new. We learned that, we learned that Orcs and the guy in charge of the Orcs, that they're bad guys. And no, I think we knew that before. I think we went in expecting that, actually. We learned that, that Mithril is a vaccine. Okay, we learned something. We learned a very important something. All right, so I would say that's well worth an hour's watching to learn that. So I can't wait to find out what thing we learn in episode six. Let me know in the comments down below your thoughts and feelings about Rings of Power so far. What you're most excited to learn in the next episode. Who your favorite character is. And just in general, how much you're enjoying this show. I would love to know. Let me know your thoughts and feelings. I post videos on Saturdays. Other random times will be definitely Saturdays. So like and subscribe, join my Patreon if you feel so inclined. And I'll see you when I see you.