 Welcome back to the art of charm podcast. I'm AJ and I'm Johnny. We just got in from Chicago. We hope you all are having a good week. Getting excited. We had a little bit of an event in Chicago. We're winding down here getting ready to talk about networking. Last week, we talked about two reasons why networking is so important and how it serves a function that's different than your social circle. We also dispelled some myths around networking. So today, we're going to give you a set of AOC techniques. That's right, art of charm techniques, the do's and don'ts of networking, especially when it talks about networking events. I know a lot of us dread going to them if we're introverted. How do we handle them? So we're going to dig into that. How'd you enjoy Chicago, Johnny? I really enjoyed it. It was funny because we had an opportunity to visit and hang out with some of our clients there and they were talking about how amazing the weather is and I said, well, it certainly is pretty amazing this week and AJ are here to collect what's left of it and take it back with us to LA and they did not find that as amusing as I did. No. We know all too well that Midwest falls and winters are not very fun, especially later. We had an executive client that we worked with to start the week and it was a lot of fun actually going out in Chicago, working on some things one-on-one with him. Well, yeah, the one-on-ones are really fun and the bootcamp classes are a lot of fun and it's just a different dynamic and it's just more of the work that we do helping people and I love it. Well, social skills are one of those areas that we can neglect when we're trying to become successful or trying to get to the top of the hill. We can put everything else to the wayside and we're here to help you get those social skills to advance your career, build better relationships, go on better dates and all around have more fun being social. Now, we want to talk about what to do before you go out networking. This is the prep work. This is what you do to get yourself ready to meet people and I know a lot of us overthink it. When it comes to prep work, we think we need this magical pitch and this crazy elevator magic show to get someone's attention and get them to buy right then and there on the spot. It certainly is a myth and nothing can be further from the truth. So we'll hopefully iron some of those things out today. And we want you to view every social event as a networking event. So don't just limit yourself to conferences, symposiums, classic networking events, but think about any time you're out and about, it is a networking event. Well, anything that you put a bunch of pressure on yourself about and then also you have like a time and place where this is supposed to go down and you're supposed to come out on top or you're a loser. It's the black or white thinking. And it's like, oh, on this date, I have a networking event. I have my new thing going on. I need to plug it and I need to get some marketing for it. And then all of a sudden you have that date crossed on the calendar and you begin to fixate on it. Why wouldn't you fixate on it? You've marked it on your counter. Now there's thought towards it. And now everything hinders on whether or not this goes well. But the actuality is if you understand how networking works, you always have an eye and a mind for it. And understanding that when we view everything like a networking event, we get much more practice actually chatting people up and getting more comfortable in these situations so that if there is that one annual conference that you're going to, well, you're better prepared for it. And if you've been listening to the show over the last couple of years, you may have caught our Art of First Impressions episode. When it comes to networking events, your first impression matters more than you probably realize because while we are out, we are constantly scanning the room. We are looking across the room at people's body language, their openness, their enthusiasm, how interested they are to be there, how animated they are. And if you don't give off a great first impression, well, everything else we're going to talk about a little bit later today isn't going to help you. Well, it's human nature to size up the room. It's always about safety first. And so you're looking around to see if there's any threats. And what is going to stick out? The closed off person, the person looking down, the person who has a scowl on their face, the person is not having any fun. That person will stick out and that person will be a negative blip on your radar and you'll do what you can to avoid that person. Why? Because you don't want to be sucked into their negative vortex. And if you think about when people see you for the first time in an event like that, typically it's when you enter the room for the first time. And I know I've talked about this numerous times. My dad growing up told me, look people in the eye and shake their hand. And I thought that was all there was to a first impression. We've all heard that. And the science shows there's a lot more that goes into a first impression than just some eye contact and a handshake. That's a pretty good start to tell a young boy. Yeah. Right? But then there's more to add to it as he gets better with that. But you know, once again, if the teacher doesn't know that, how's he supposed to tell you about those things? And of course, when we're thinking about entering the room, we want to stand up tall. We want to wear a great smile. We want to make sure that we are showing some outward enthusiasm to be there, even if maybe internally, you're not feeling like you want to be there. You're feeling a little under the gun because you don't enjoy networking events. We get it. This is one of the skills that need to be updated as you update yourself, right? As you get older, you should be getting better at this and seeing it for what it is and how to make your move. Rather than going in with, well, my dad always said shake, have a good handshake and look at me. I've got that. And your first impression is something you could work on every single day. Anytime you enter a room, you could practice standing upright, making good eye contact with the people in the room and wearing a big smile. So when you do get to the networking event, you do get to the annual conference, you do get to the symposium, you are ready to go. That's one part of the preparation. Understanding that that first impression starts before people interact with you, but it's actually when they see you for the first time, they're looking at your body language. They're also looking at what you're wearing. So dressing for the audience is important. Well, let's just, I want to go down this road just for hypothetical shits and giggles, which is the, this idea of you're hanging out with folks who don't give a hoot about networking and right. So they're, they're going to put on what they maybe had on yesterday and they're going to go to Starbucks and grab their, their Starbucks. And, and if they, if you see these people and you're hanging out with them and you get excited about talking to them about your networking event that you're going to go to or this opportunity that you get to have to be around some people that, that would inspire you. And they look at you and are like, Oh, that's lame. I've been to those things before. You're not going to get anything out of it. Hey, what does that do for you? Well, that puts you in a mood to start thinking about it. Like, well, why am I getting all worked up? And, and if I got four or five friends around me who I consider my friends and they're all saying this, well, why do I care? Right? And then all of a sudden you don't, you shut down because you want to be cool with them. Right. And now your, your first impression has gone the hell. Now, and I would also say there, you know, like in the nineties, there was this, this sort of slacker movement. And I've mentioned it on this podcast before. It was a, it was not necessarily a movement, but a general atmosphere that young people had at the time. And there still is this atmosphere that the future's already gone for you. So don't even worry about making the best, making yourself in the best that you can be and having at it. That's a bad attitude to have about it because you don't care now. How are you going to care about it later? And what's, what's worse, if you get involved in self-development later and you start to learn that, oh, wow, I shouldn't have been listening to my friends who were telling me to chill out and not get excited about stuff and not work on myself. And now you're in your thirties trying to put it together. Well, it's that much harder for you. Absolutely. And digging yourself out of that hole, whether it's with your first impression or with your mindset is going to be difficult. And that's what we're talking about with the prep work here. It's getting ready to go before you arrive at the event. It's understanding who is going to be at the event. Now this prep work means looking up the speakers, getting to know some of the people at the event before they arrive so that you know, oh, I checked out their social media. I clicked around on LinkedIn. I know what they're into. I know where they work. I know a bit of backstory. I can't tell you how many times we've talked to our clients and they're like, oh, you, you actually prep before going to the event. I just, I just go and wing it. Well, that's one way of going about it as well. And we could talk about how that works. But yeah, let's, let's talk about this. Doing a little recon, know where you're going and who's going to be there and what you're looking for. Do you, do you have a game plan? I mean, that's going to, that is going to allow you to feel much better at home about getting excited to go out. Yeah, of course. And understanding that right now we're in a world where you can find information on pretty much everyone with a couple clicks. LinkedIn, Facebook, checking out their Instagrams, starting to understand a little bit more of the speaker's personality, especially if you're trying to chase down someone who is high value, someone who's a mentor in your field, or someone who you really look up to, having a little bit better understanding of what their personality is before you arrive, doing that prep helps the conversation. It helps you lead things in the right direction. One of the things that I do want to be cautious of, and I think there's a happy middle ground there is to do too much recon. So now you know everything about the person. And all we're saying is not not actually stack lines and in your head game out how the conversation is going to go and predict what their response is going to be. And then your response is going to be seven steps forward. But being loosely aware of what their life events are, what their interests are, what their business is. So you understand a little bit more around all of those areas. That's just going to help you in conversation. And also let's talk about the prep that we got to bring to the table. We got to polish up our LinkedIn profile. We got to polish up our business cards, our website, all of our online representation of us. Because guess what? The first thing that people do after that event is they look you up online. Yeah, you had a great first impression. If you had a great interaction, a great conversation, and now you're following up, they're going to be checking out your online persona. That's just going to be natural curiosity. People can't turn that off. And if you've made a decent connection with the person at that party, well, yeah, you're going to want to know a little bit more about them. Because especially when we get into the later part of the show, when we talk about meeting up with some of these people. So look at your social media. Is it networking appropriate? Is it painting the right picture of who you are, what your interests are, what your business is, so that when people do go look you up, your online reputation is solid. If your Twitter timeline is just talking smack about politics all day, you got news for you. It's going to be pretty difficult for about half the country that doesn't agree with you to really resonate with you after that networking event. Yeah, if you're talking shit, to be talking shit 360. If you're trolling, if your online persona doesn't match the career that you hope to have or the direction you want to take yourself in, well, then of course, when these people you meet at these events, go back home, they go online, they look you up, they're not going to be thrilled with what they see. And understanding that that is the very first step that people take after a great interaction with you. When they get home, they look up, who was that AJ guy? Who was that Johnny guy? And do you have a great reputation online? That's an important part of the prep before you get to the event. Yeah. And be careful. Don't put yourself in a position to read too much into your own profile. What it's going to be telling others because you just can't tell. But make sure there's just nothing that is just overtly negative and nasty that people wouldn't want to interact with you with. Yeah, this is an opportunity in my honest opinion that you could ask your parents, take a look at my profile, take a look at my LinkedIn, give me a little bit of feedback. Does it look and feel appropriate? That's what we're looking at because a lot of times we're talking about chasing down mentors and people with a lot of social capital that we look up to. Well, they are going to be a little older. They are going to be a little more conservative. So drinks with your boys on the weekend, parting it up on spring break. It's probably not the first thing that you want to show up on your Google search. Yeah. Right. So understanding the prep work there and understanding that your online representation is just as important as your first impression at the event. You want to have a small list of folks that you want to be meeting. And just so you have a game plan, you have a target. It's not to say that you're going to meet them all, but at least you know who you're looking for. I can only imagine, well, you know, like anyone else, I have been there when you go to the networking event or you go to the party where you know there's going to be some important people that you want to meet and you decide, well, I don't want to get too worked up about it. So I'm just going to wing it. Right. Then you get there. And it's difficult because they're already people. If you got there late, people are already chatting with people and it can seem a bit chaotic and you're going to have to allow things to calm down before inside in order for you to make your way to start chatting with people. And I know that I've been to events where I didn't do the leg work and I was kicking myself after because I didn't know what the speakers looked like. I didn't know their backstory and lo and behold, I'm standing next to one of the speakers at the refreshments and I had no idea I missed that opportunity. So we're saying do the prep so that you know what the important people look like, the people that you're interested in talking to, you're familiar with them. So when the opportunity does strike, when you're standing waiting for the donuts, when you're waiting on the sandwich at lunch and you're next to someone important, you recognize them and you could very easily strike up that conversation. Now let's talk about during the event, right? We understand now the prep work, working on our first impression, understanding that we should be viewing everything as a networking event, taking opportunity to practice these skills and getting our online persona right. Let's talk about how can we set ourselves up for success at the event, during the event. And if you have been to a large event, you know how it typically goes. There are presentations where everyone rushes to the front of the stage, then there are typically some people mulling around in the back of the room and then basically people move from room to room. And if you're not setting yourself up in a high traffic area, highly visible, well, yeah, sometimes getting into conversations can be pretty tricky. Yeah. Now this is, I know for myself, I go through this, this mental game on upon going out, right? And it's about, I think all of us have this, have certain clothes that when we're feeling really good, we like to wear and if we're not feeling so good, we'll try to wear something a little bit more conservative so that, you know, because you want to feel good going to this thing. And I think that's important. You want to be dressed comfortably, but also make sure that something about it brings some attention towards you in a, in a manner. In a flashy way. Yeah. In a manner that people like think of, this person has it together. This person looks good. This person is enjoying himself and excited to be there. Yeah. One simple accessory, whether it's a pair of shoes, a watch, a necklace, a hat, a handkerchief, a purse, whatever the case may be, you don't want to overdo it. One nice accessory allows you to stand out a little bit and it creates a great conversation starter, which we've talked about on the show in the past. Understanding also at the event, as I was saying, the front of the room, well, everyone's staring on stage. It's going to be very difficult to get into conversations. People are going to be looking at the presenter, taking notes even. So we want to find the areas of the event where people are congregating socially and it's high traffic. So we can be visible. So it's easy for people to strike up conversations with us as well as us strike up conversations with them. Some of my favorite places to hang out are just outside the conference room where you know there's going to be a lot of people going in and out of the conference room. You'll see a lot of people having conversations there or at the name tag table. A great opportunity to start meeting people as they pick up their name tags or near the refreshments. Again, these are high traffic areas that are very conducive to striking up conversations with people. Well, I'd also argue that a lot of the other folks who don't know many people are going to congregate there as well. So it's going to be easy pickings for you to like start striking up some conversations because how you look at first impressions going to go a long way. If you have a smile on your face, you're chatting with other people. You look sociable. Well, then you're going to be a positive blip on the radar. And now people are going to be drawn to you. They're going to see you. They're going to think you are somebody to speak to. They're going to ask the other people, who's that? Should I meet that person? Their curiosity will get the best of them and you'll be surprised because now it is not you trying to drag yourself off the wall to make the approach. It's other people putting themselves in your vicinity so that striking up a conversation is going to be easy because let's here's the reality of it. Everybody has to deal with social anxiety. Even if you've done these things a million times, it's still awkward. It's just how networking events are. And a lot of times the speakers are feeling awkward. The people you look up to are feeling awkward. So it's not just you. So what people do in order to make it easy for themselves to strike up conversation is just put themselves in an area of where people are they want to speak to in the hopes that something will happen. Maybe they'll be so inclined to speak up when that person's next to them or maybe that person will say something to them because they're close by. But if you're in the vicinity, if you're in that immediate area, there is a better chance of allowing or making something to happen than if you're standing against the wall trying to pull yourself off of it. Yeah. And I'll be honest. The refreshment area is a great place because people's guards are down. I was actually at an event. This was a number years ago. This is when I first met Tim Ferriss and we were trying to get him on the podcast back in the day. And of course, we had a pitch ready to go. We're all excited to talk to him. And at this event, they had all these snack tables that they would pull out basically when they knew people were running out a little energy and it was in between food. And he was walking up to the table and he was going for some protein bars. And I saw an opportunity. I said, oh, great. I'm going to go chat him up. And of course, much to my chagrin, he was breaking his fast. So he was jamming two protein bars in his mouth as fast as humanly possible so he can get the food in. And I threw my hand out and immediately I had an opportunity to chat with him after he finished chewing, of course. Now, I've also seen him speak on stage. I've also seen him be very standoffish in some of these environments. So understanding that where the name tags are, people are just getting oriented where the goodie bags are, where the treats are, where the refreshments are. These are typically areas at the event where people are a little more relaxed than when they just got off stage speaking or just before they get on stage to speak. I want to bring up how anxiety can also manifest itself. So either A, it can shut down people, right? So it could push them against the wall. It could close them up. They're going to want to sell sooth. We talk about this all the time. And that puts you into the category of the negative blip on the radar. Not many people are going to want to speak to you. The other way that manifests itself is it has it buzzing you. It has you buzzing around the room, which is now you're just speed walking around the. You're on the move because you want to look like you're busy. You want to look like you're social. So you're running, we call it, sharking up the place looking for the next victim or you're just running laps, which is you're just running laps around the burning off the nervous energy by walking around. Yeah. And you hope that somebody is going to stop you. Now, you can imagine if you're buzzing around the room, how difficult is going to be for people to strike up a conversation. And the hopes here is that you, you, that you land into something, right? Or that you find yourself there. But I can tell you in this, let's make it easy for you and everyone else is listening to this. There is one rule when it comes to this. And well, first of all, it's put yourself in the vicinity of other people in high traffic areas and then understand that wherever you are, that's the place to be. That's where the party is. That's where the fun is. That's where the event is. Right. Anyone comes around you. What do you tell them? Hey, how's it going? Right. Hey, if you check this place out, isn't this great? What's been your favorite speaker? What brought you here? Who you hoping to meet? All these are great conversation starters at that event. But if you're on the move, if you're running between rooms, if you're bouncing off the walls because you have some anxiety, it's going to be very difficult for your mind to slow down to have these conversations. There's something you just said there that I want to bring a lens to, which is you're, you're, if you're running around your brain speeds up, if you are being laid back and standing there relaxed in your brain will slowly calm down. And that is important because if you're going to be able to hold a nice conversation, and chat people up, you want to be relaxed so that you can speak the words that are in your brain. Absolutely. And understanding, this is a huge mistake that a lot of people make when they go to a networking event, they go to a conference is they immediately go with their agenda. I have to meet experts and I have to convince them of why. Yeah. And even with my Tim Ferriss example, we didn't actually pitch the interview because we knew that that's not the best place to do it. But getting some familiarity, getting our name out there, having a great chat, having a great moment with him, creating that impression allows us then in the follow up to start working towards that outcome that we like. But a lot of amateurs when it comes to networking, they try to close the deal on the spot. They come with their pitch deck, they're ready to go and they try to close you and high pressure sales you right on the spot. I will tell you this as someone who's been on stage speaking as someone who's been at these events around other speakers, no one likes that. No one likes being put on the spot. What's going to end up happening is you might get a soft meek. Yeah. Okay. That sounds good. But then the follow up is going to be dismissed. It's going to be a disaster. So coming in with the idea that, oh, I have an agenda and I have to get X number of contacts or I have to close X number of deals or get X number of information from people. That is not a winning strategy when it comes to these events. What we are looking for here is connection over agenda and quality over quantity. If you go to a lot of events, which I hope all of you are doing as we understand that your network grows your potential in your career, then understand that having quality interactions, a real connection with someone is far more valuable than collecting 100 business cards, a thousand handshakes, a few people who actually exchange email addresses. That's not going to get it done. Having a great conversation with people and building a real connection is how we really network and how we view the long game of networking. This is not run rough shot over the whole event and try to force your way in and force opportunities to happen. People smell that and people don't like that. I think the words that you used there to describe that is we're looking at it long-term rather than short-term. That is very important because if you're doing everything properly, you're going to find yourself going to some networking events, at least an opportunity once a month, if not once every couple of weeks. Yeah, and the real value is in the follow-up, which we're going to talk about in a bit. Understanding that putting people there on the spot in the moment at the event is not a winning strategy. It puts people on their back yield. They don't feel comfortable. And as I said, oftentimes, you're going to get a soft yes. That's not a real yes. That's not a hell yeah. It's a, oh yeah, okay, that sounds good. Buzz off. I'm tired. I don't want to deal with this anymore. This guy's pushing instead of allowing the conversation and the connection to happen. So how do we connect at these events? And what I will say first and foremost, it comes down to listening. It's far less about being the one who's blabbing the whole time, who has your whole pitch about what you do and how important you are and what you have to sell. It's more about listening to the other person. And what I love to use in these scenarios is how or why questions. How'd you find out about this event? Why'd you come to the event today? How'd you start that business? Why are you looking to make that transition? Those questions and listening to the answers supply you with so much information that you can use in the follow up to your advantage to really help that networking event become more meaningful. And all of us love to be appreciated. We talk about this all the time. We have this great quote from William James. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated, understanding that words of appreciation, appreciating what you like about that person's personality, appreciating what you enjoy about their business, appreciating the talk they just gave on stage are all powerful ways to open the door to that connection. I want to make sure that the people who are listening to this understand how that works. Now, if you've been a long time listener of this show, you know exactly how this works because it is laid out in our value episodes. However, if you're new to the show and you're not quite sure, I'm going to lay it out for you. Attention, approval and acceptance is what all human beings need in order to feel good. In fact, the behaviors that we exhibit are used to get attention, approval and acceptance. Why? Because when we get attention, approval, acceptance, our dopamine receptors get pushed. We get we get a bit of a dopamine rush and we feel good and therefore we chase that feeling. It's a drug and that's what allows us to feel good. And I will tell you, here's why it allows us to feel good. It is connected to our need to belong. When you're getting attention, approval and acceptance, you feel good because you know that you belong somewhere, which means you are in a tribe. You are in a herd because you are a primate, a herd animal. You need that so that you can feel safe. When you don't feel safe, you get filled with anxiety. The other drugs get pushed, the ones that you don't like, the bad chemicals. And so this is important. And if you are the one who understands this, then you are able to supply or hit people's dopamine receptors by showing appreciation. And guess what? Now they want more. They're going to follow you. They're going to want to connect with you. I can't stress that enough. If you're listening to this, you're going, wait, what? Go to the value episodes, check those out. They should be starting there anyway. We'll put them in the show notes at thearticharm.com. I mean, this is the underpinning of our boot camp here in LA, our residential program. When we work on these social skills, especially these networking skills, understanding other people's wants, needs and desires at the human nature level allows you to foster connection. So instead of coming at this and saying, I need to take this person's attention. I need to get what I need out of this event. I need to pitch them. I need to close them. I need to get the deal. As we said, all of that taking value, taking attention, taking approval from others, that doesn't set you up for success in a networking environment or in a social environment. So now what we've done is we've flipped the script of how you should be looking at the networking event. So now that you're not going there to take from it, which puts you in a place of worry and put your anxiety up because you are looking to take from other people. That doesn't allow you to feel good. Now think about it the other way. Here is an opportunity for you to add value to the room. Here is an opportunity for you to show appreciation, approval and acceptance to the other attendees. That flips the script. The whole things change. Now you can get excited about going out because you're not looking to get something from this. You're looking to add. And I will say what I said last week. And yes, I had ripped it off from John F. Kennedy, which the line of don't look what you can get from this. Look what you can add to this. And we know that everyone at these events, everyone who's going out trying to network, they have their pitch ready. They're ready to talk about themselves. They're ready to fire off with what they're working on, what they're excited about and what they're hoping to get out of it. So by simply asking them, what are you doing? What are you working on? What are you excited about? That's a great conversation starter. And now all we have to do is sit back and listen. Let them pitch us. You know, I've been at events and some of the best networkers that I've ever met in my life. It took me multiple rounds of asking them what they do before I even found out. The amateurs come guns blazing at everyone. I do this. I'm so important. These are all my accolades. This is everything I've accomplished. This is why you need me. The best networkers understand that it's a listening game. It's a listening, patient game, understanding what the other person's bringing to the table, understanding what the other person's wants and desires are. And then tailoring your pitch to that, not just blanketing the room with your pitch or your request because those situations, as I said, put people on edge, make them less comfortable and ultimately make them less interested in you. If you have a buddy that you're going to these things with, here's another game that you can play to make this more fun. Think about it. We just laid out how going into take from the event is different than going into giving to the event. So you could play the game of just now you have an opportunity to watch the room and see how people are handling it. You, you are now, it's laid out for you of who's there to take and who's there to give. And this is so much fun because all of the behaviors and actions are going to point to one or two directions. And you know how you're going to be handling this. So you, this is what, this is what makes these things fun. When you understand the science of it and you understand human behavior, the enjoyment that you're going to get from this makes these things worth going to. And AJ and I for, for as long as we've been working together, one of the things that we like to do always, whether it's a networking event, whether any, basically any sort of social event, we will go, we'll do a debrief. And the debrief is just going down, did you see this play out? Did you see this play out? Oh yeah. Not only did I see this play out, did you see how it affected this scenario? And we will sit there and have a few beers and go over this debrief for close to two hours, laughing our asses off because we're seeing things in the room that other people are not looking for. Why are they not looking for it? Because they're not conditioned to look for it. They're internally focused on their own goals and running the room and being the most important person there. Yeah. And this is why the guys love, this is when the guys leave program, this is the thing that they love doing most because it's, we call this now seeing the matrix where you're seeing things in these events and social gatherings that you've never seen before, only because you've never been told what they look like. Now you're seeing them all fall down. You've been exposed to them. You know how to identify them and you see them everywhere. Yeah. I mean, reading body language is a big part of the boot camp, understanding through reading body language and listening to people's interactions, what their wants and desires are and their strategies to go about getting it. The strategies are amazing. It allows you to see things from a completely different angle than you instead looking internally, what can I get out of this event? Who can I meet at this event? Here's my pitch. How can I close the deal? How can I get what I need? How can I get that interview and move my career forward? Understand that networking is about connection and we can't connect if it's a one-way conversation. If it's us just talking at the person or us pitching the person. And as I said, the best networkers that I've ever met, one of them, Steven Mead, we've talked about his tornado technique in an earlier episode. Yes. Understand asking questions and getting the other person sharing is really all you need to do at these events because the bulk of the work is in the follow-up. Now, of course, as we talked earlier about being prepared, you're going to be asked, what do you do? You're going to be asked about yourself. So having the right answers is going to be important here. And when we talk about ourselves and what we do, we have to dumb it down. We cannot talk in tech, jargon, text. We cannot make it complicated where only our colleagues or people above us could understand it because the way networking works is it's an exchange of information that ultimately you want to get shared with more people. So if your pitch is complicated, if you explaining what you do takes longer than 30 seconds, then it is going to be very difficult for that person to play telephone with that information and say, oh, hey, yeah, this guy was talking to AJ, I can introduce him to Johnny. And when I talk to Johnny, I'll be able to explain to Johnny what AJ does. If I tell him that I'm over the top jargon, text, speak, I work in a very confined niche industry that the other person doesn't understand who I help, what it is that I truly do, they're going to be like, eh, I can't help them. And they're not going to see those other opportunities to help you. But we want to tailor our pitch to be simple and repeatable. Simple enough that if you shared it with a stranger outside of your industry, outside of what you do for work, they would understand what it is that you do. And this happens all the time. We get pitched constantly and these pitches, everyone thinks they're polished, there's to the point, this is great. I'm laying all this stuff out there. If the other person doesn't understand it, of course you're not going to get a yes, but you're also shooting yourself in the foot because they're not going to share it with anyone else. The other thing about it, and if you're listening to this and you're like, well, yeah, you know, I've always, I don't do networking events and I think they're stupid. I can understand why you would say that and I can understand why you would think that. And you know, a lot of them are, it depends on what you're looking to get out of it. You can always make them fun and there's always something to be gained, but I can understand your thoughts on that. This point that AJ is making is you have to have this pitch put together because what happened on the plane today, right? When we were getting out of the plane, ladies said I looked interesting. What was the first thing she asked me? What do you do? What do you do? It's a common question. In fact, it's one of the most common icebreakers at a networking event. So if you don't know how to answer that, you are unprepared for the event and you are going to struggle. And let me also add, right? Here's an opportunity where this woman, and granted, this was on the plane, it was a very silly situation, but it just goes, it's a microcosm of how this happens all the time. When you get used to that and you have something to say, you can spin this any way you want. Let's say that I had found that lady attractive and I was available, right? Here's a perfect opportunity to throw some dynamite right into the pond, right? And how would I have done that? Lean in, say something. I have tonality at my disposal. I have the words that I'm going to use, how I'm going to say it, all this goes down. But if you don't have anything worked up or you get embarrassed or you shy away from that question, it's, oh, I'm really done nothing. I just post a podcast and they're like, I gotta go, right? Like, we've all been there. We've all done that. I've certainly done that myself. And of course, but I'm so used to this. I had a blast and I could even tell you what I did. I leaned in and I dropped my voice on a real raspy level. You were still, you were still right there to have some fun and play around. At this point, it's just habitual, right? Because I've been doing this for so long. But people always ask me, how did you turn this into that? Because I've been prepared to turn this into that, no matter what those things might be. We talked last week about how the axe thing came up, one of the very first ventures that the artichoke got to do corporate wise. Now we do corporate training all the time. But back then, it was the very, one of the very first opportunities we have to be in that environment. It was thrilling. But we had that because we were prepared in an actual elevator to state what we were doing. So let's break that down quickly here. The best pitch is explain who you help. So who is it that you work with? Who is your customer? Is it businesses? Is it patients? Is it clients? Whoever it is at your help, be a little specific with who you help, and then let the other person know the benefit. So what is the benefit for that customer, that patient, that client, that business that you work with? And then the last thing you want to add to your pitch is and what you're trying to do, where you're trying to grow, where you're trying to move. So for us, it's like we help young professionals strengthen their social skills to build better relationships, grow their network and become more successful in their career. And we're hoping to do more corporate training. Wow. That pitch is now something that anyone on the street could share with someone else and go, oh, you're a young professional and you're saying you're struggling in your career. Hey, these guys help with social skills. You got to talk to AJ. But when we have a pitch that's full of jargon, that's tech speak, that really only people in our industry understand it's not shareable, it's not amplifiable, it's going to not help you when you're networking. So that is what we're doing at the event. And of course, we're looking to exchange information. Why? Because as I said earlier, the payoff is in the follow up. Yes. I can't tell you how many events I've gone to get off stage as a speaker. Someone comes out to you and says, great presentation. They get into their pitch. They're all excited. I'm like, yeah, I'd love to chat more about this. I got to meet some more people here. So here, throw your number in my phone. Let's exchange the contact information. Get back from the event. Fly back from Denver. Check my email. Nothing. A few more days. Nothing. Well, I guess he wasn't that interested. I guess she really wasn't that interested. Most people in networking fail here and we laugh about it now because we call it out to be we go and we're going to follow up on that. Honestly, it bears repeating. I can't tell you how many times I've been approached at events, thought it was a great connection. And then there was zero follow up. Well, let me tell you how much it happens. It happens so much that I want to try to set this up in the best way possible where somebody has proposed an idea to us and it was ludicrous. It was a absolutely insane idea given to us by an insane person. And AJ or myself will say, yeah, that sounds great. Hit us up about that. Because we know that they're not going to follow up on this. This is a dirty little secret. Okay. This is a dirty little secret and everyone who gets pitched a lot knows this. Yes. Knows that it's easier to just be like, yeah, okay, sounds good. Shoot me an email. Shoot me a message. That's great. We'll chat more about it because the know can come across as harsh and then you have to manage potential conflict, which you don't want to do in an event. And especially when you're one of the speakers or one of the more important people at the event, because now everyone else is watching you and they're like, wow, that guy's a jerk. Then it hurts your reputation because you have entered into conflict at a networking event where people are not looking to get into conflict. Thank you. So the inside information here is, yeah. Oh, that sounds great. Hit me up. Give me a call. Shoot me a message. Hit me up on LinkedIn. Why? Why do we do that? It may sound a little silly or crass, but you know what? We know that 90 plus percent of the time that person's not going to follow up. So I'm going to let you in on one of my little tips and tricks here. Whenever I meet someone at an event and I do the exchange of information, I'm like, I'm going to follow up with this person. I start making a note in my phone of the follow up. I literally start working on the follow up at the event while it's still fresh in my mind because as you get better at this and you start going to more events and socializing more that next morning or if it gets busy that next afternoon, when you're going to circle back and follow up, it could be a little hazy. What specifically do we talk about? Oh, what's the value add that I have? How am I going to do this? So I like to start making the note for my follow up at the event. And if you flip through my phone, you will see name, some information about the person, their contact information, and then how I always start with how I can help that other person, whether it's a bit of information, whether it's someone in my Rolodex who could be helpful, whether it's a link to something that we talked about, I'm always first looking to add value. So that's the first step and understanding that when you get good at this stuff, you start writing the follow ups, then it's so much easier the next day to follow through. The worst part about going to these events, spending money, hopping on a plane, collecting business cards is to not follow up. But guess what? We're telling you how to jump the line to get to the top, to become that extraordinary person who stands out as a networker by simply following up. Well, we probably just opened ourselves up to a lot of people following up now because I still enjoy laying that out there because we do it all the time. And also, we know how many, here's the other secret here is people are lazy by nature. They're destined to follow the easiest path. And listen, we understand shiny object and then, oh, they interact with Gary Vee and now they're onto the next shiny object and so on and so on. And all of a sudden it's like, oh, yeah, who's that guy AJ? I get it. And I'm not faulting anyone. I'm just telling you, like, if you want the cheat codes to networking, the meat is in the follow up. It is not in running the room and talking to everyone and collecting a bunch of business cards. Well, the other thing is so many things have to happen in order for whatever proposal it is to go down and get the call. So it's always, listen, the odds of making all these things happen are ridiculous. It's not impossible. A go getter will get them done. And guess what? By telling you, yeah, and you following up, I'm going to know whether or not you're a go getter. And in the follow up, this is what's so important. It's brief. It gives them the pertinent information. It's not a long bio. It's not a pitch. It's not a link out to my website and all this other extra work they have to do. I spell out how I can help them, what value I can add. And then I give them an opportunity to connect with me again, because this is the long game. I want a yes. That sounds great. I want a response. I don't need a firm. All right, here's my credit card. All right, perfect. You're invited to this. I'm not looking at this as I have to make things happen now, because the more pressure you put on that other person, the less likely they're going to be willing to follow through. We all have these expectations of what the pitch and the yes and the follow up is going to look like. But that picture that we have in our head is a, that is it. It's usually a Hollywood picture that we've devised to make it romantic and interesting and special. But the reality of it's a sloppy mess. And a lot of pieces have to be put together and they get put together rough shot. But that's all you need. Now, we understand that sometimes your follow up is going to necessitate a request. You might need something from that other person. We need to use empathy here. Put ourselves in the other person's shoes. Are they a busy person? Do you think they get a lot of requests? We want to lead first with value. We don't want to lead with the request. And then we want to show them that we did our homework, that we actually will follow through on whatever the request is. Because understanding that most people are going to get bombarded if they're going to these events specifically to network, especially the people who end up on stage, the people that everyone is chasing after for their attention. So we want to be brief, succinct to the point, offer value, make the request, not something that they could just Google themselves, not waste their time. And then as you make the request, have a clear call to action and make it an easy one. Don't make it something where they have to read three pages of an email to get to the, oh yeah, AJ just wanted a cup of coffee. There's something else in there that I want to look at as well. When it's this big long drawn out four page email or letter or whatever it is, it's usually not thought out very well. That's why it is so long. It should be three sentences. It should be three sentences. The value that you can add to their life, the request and the clear last sense of the call to action of what it is that you truly need. Is it, can this be discussed over coffee? Do you need to hop on a zoom call? Would you like to grab lunch with me? I can't count how many times I heard a pitch and at the end of it, I had to ask, what exact, what is the pitch? I don't, I didn't, I didn't hear anything. Well, what is it? Well, I mean, you could peruse through my inbox right now and the pitches that I get, it's clear that they're just scraping email addresses off the internet. Yeah. They don't understand what the art of charm does. They have no understanding of what my wants or needs are. They haven't offered me any real value. No. But now their call to action is, let's get on the phone and bang this out. Let's get on the phone so I could present to you. Let me take up more of your time and that's just not going to work in someone's inbox. Here's the thing. It is this, once again, we've got, because of the technology that is in front of us, people tend to think, well, this wide net will get it done and it doesn't. Let me ask you this. How many sentences can you read before you realize that they haven't done any research? Typically within the first couple of sentences, I know because they're either positioning my wants or needs wrong or they're claiming the company is a tech company that builds apps. And I know you, you don't know anything about me. Soon as it's within the first three sentences and then I scanned the recipe email to see if there was anything that jumps out that shows that it isn't what I thought it is. Right. So we got to get their attention, right? If it's a speaker, you talked about this on stage and I found this to be fascinating. Here's this other bit that I thought either is a counter argument or is in line with what you thought. And I have something else. Boom. Request. Simple. We don't want to be in a position where the person has to scroll to read through the email. They're scanning it. They don't have time. They're going to end up saying no. Here's something else to go along with that, to keep in mind. If I read it and it shows me that you are a fan, because they, that I was like, we're a big fan of your show, but it doesn't say anything about the show, right? If I see that you went out of your way to actually show why you enjoy the art of tour, where you've done your research or you flatter AJ or I, flatter, we'll get you everywhere. And when I get that, there is a part of me that then wants to help the person. And so I will look to see if it's been a mutually beneficial. Yeah, absolutely. That's the point. The first sentence has to grab their attention and a compliment's a great way to grab their attention, but we don't want to lead with our request. And we certainly don't want it to be complicated. Now, the other thing with all of this is sometimes you may not have a request. Sometimes you just add them to their LinkedIn, hop on Instagram, connected them on Facebook. So another strategy in all of this with our network is staying visible. And we stay visible by posting something on social, posting a photo on Instagram, writing a blog post on LinkedIn, starting to plant the seeds that, oh, this is what AJ is about. This is what Johnny's about. Oh, this is the art of charm. And just staying visible after collecting some information from people is winning when it comes to networking, because the more visible you are, science shows things start to work in your advantage. People start to view you as an expert, an industry leader, someone who shares interests and values with them. The last piece we want to talk about to become a successful networker, you have to bring people together, which is why some people just host massive events. The one banging conference where they bring everyone together because they understand that when we bring people together, we're not only adding value, but we're maintaining those weak ties. We're maintaining those connections. So I believe I've talked about this on other shows, but two things that I love doing, bringing people together. And I'm firing this back up. Johnny, you're invited. I love morning hikes. I love morning hikes with entrepreneurs. So I have Friday morning coming up, going to go on a morning hike, get some people together. And the reason I like hiking with people is one, if you don't drink, if you're trying to get healthy or stay healthy, you're trying to enjoy some of the sun here in LA, it's an easy thing to do. You get a hike in in the morning, you feel good. And while we're walking, our brain is working and we have an opportunity to connect with a few different people. Dinners are a little bit trickier because you're kind of stuck in one seat and you're going to interact mainly with the people who are sitting near you. Hikes, we're kind of walking in this amalgamist group where sometimes I'm going to be connecting with one person. They might walk ahead and it gives me more opportunity to connect with multiple people. Now the flip side is I also have hosted poker nights where I get some entrepreneurs together, grow in my network, tell them to bring a friend to the poker night and boom, I'm bringing people together. And it doesn't even have to be at your own place. You could hike on a hill. You don't need people coming over to your place. If you're not happy with where you live or maybe you don't think it's that impressive, whatever the case may be, it doesn't have to be at your event. And you can also do this before the event. This is another hack. You look up, you do your prep, you see some people and their interests and you invite them to an escape room before the event. You invite them to a dinner before the event. You know everyone's coming in on Thursday. The event kicks off on Friday. You say, hey, I'm hosting a small dinner. I'd love to have you. You'd be surprised how many people will take you up on that offer because they like doing things outside of the event. They know the event's going to be fun, but they're always looking for, oh, what can I do in San Diego? Or, oh, they're looking up the restaurants in Las Vegas. Well, there's also a reason behind that as well for to meet up with some other people before the event allows everyone feeling that much better about going in. It's less intimidating. Everyone's a bit nervous. And so by meeting up with some other people, you have a few drinks, you have a few laughs. And now all of a sudden it's us against them. You have a crew you're rolling in with. Yeah. And these large events, they'll often post who's going to be there, who the attendees are for you to see. And you could hit them on LinkedIn, hit them on Facebook. Hey, I liked your post. I saw your YouTube video. I thought that was cool. Oh, I love the business you're running. I'm hosting some interesting people. We're doing an escape room. We're going on a hike. We're going to this restaurant. We're grabbing some drinks. Those pre-events are a great way to hack the networking event to start fostering relationships before it starts. So to recap, you got to prep, work on that first impression, build up a little bit of information or recon about who's going to be there and who you might want to talk to, what they look like, all very helpful stuff. Then at the event, we want to position ourselves in a high traffic area and focus on quality interactions, asking how and why questions, get any other person to share to build a connection. We do not want to start pitching right out of the gate. You're certainly not trying to close the deal on the first try. And then the follow-up. This is where most people screw it up because they don't engage in it at all. We gave you some great tips, lead with value, make it clear, make it succinct, give them a call to action, and you will find that you get more responses. Then the last piece is start hosting your own events, either before the event or after the event, and that's how you can maintain these weak ties. So here's our challenge for you this week. Last week, we asked you to make a list of the kind of people that you want to bring into your network. Not writing down specific people, but instead creating avatars with a list of traits and interests. Well, today we're going to build on that challenge. It's time to make a second list. Where will you be able to run into these people? So think about, given their interests and backgrounds, where would you be able to find them? Would you find them at a certain location, in a certain activity? Think about interests and backgrounds and where those intersects. So you can figure out where these people might gather, where they might hang out. And this list should have both professional events like conferences, but also social events that are happening in your city. Then put these events into your calendar. We want to know how it went for you. We're always excited to hear from you. You can send us your thoughts by going over to theartofcharm.com slash questions, or as always, you can email us questions at The Art of Charm or find us on social media at The Art of Charm, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.