 So sexual physical attraction is immensely important in general and in specific to romantic love You should take no shame in valuing physical sexual attraction points very very highly Sexual attraction. This is a little bit of a separate point It cannot sustain Romantic love in itself, but it's a requirement. You can't to go without it is You're on thin ice. I mean to have a long term relationship with someone that you're not deeply and consistently physically attracted to it's You're skating on thin ice and you're setting yourself up to really Run uphill for years to come and just make things harder on yourself so It is important. It's a requirement. I even have like kind of an analogy here some reference to a nutrition Sexual physical attraction is a once the equivalent of both outstanding taste. So you enjoy it very much But it's also an important nutrient. It's something that if you go without it Over time it will catch up to you. Just like vitamins and minerals You don't even for the next month, but two months from now. You're gonna be hurting You're gonna have some kind of conditions come up some kind of deficiency and you're gonna be you're gonna pay the price for it So over time the need will surface and you can't get away from it. I think myth number five Sex is negative bad and shameful There's first point kind of brings us into the foresight earned focus I'm skeptical in general, but if Pornography is immoral it is so because sex is so good not because it's so bad Which is what you've been told Knowingly or unknownly your entire life from society and from religious institutions in particular Pornography is sex is bad. So if you film it, that's also bad in itself. Just because sex is bad Which I think is this horrible. That's like the most One of the most destructive idea is you can hold in life That sex is something you should be ashamed of that it's bad that it's evil that it should be in a dark room with Not that it can't be private. That's a good thing usually To make it more enjoyable but the idea that it's something that it said it should be a taboo and locked away and just Bad that's really really bad and in particular. It's very destructive. I think for romantic love to actually have that deep down In your subconscious like an idea you have kind of floating around that's destructive To the contrary sex is a celebration of self of life and of reality Which is the exact opposite of something that's evil and bad by definition Something that I inferred from the book as well as the psychology romantic love and elsewhere is That sex in romantic love is the meeting the meeting of self-respect and I'm raising for another human being So something that's that's great Fundamentally deeply definitively across the board. It's not evil. It's not bad should not be ashamed of it You should not be ashamed for wanting it all the time as much as much as you want indulging yourself and trying new things A couple quotes that I really like from the book. I'll read them to you in case you can't This one's directly from Nathaniel Brandon Sex is the assertion that your partner is a source of joy to you This is true in romantic love as it is true in general with someone you've just met recently But it's even more true in the relationship another quote. I liked a lot The bed is like a metaphysical arena in which we play out the basic drama of our existence This is something that when I read it I Shut up pretty quick That was one of the true statements. I'd ever read and I've definitely lived that in my own life That has been my experiences have confirmed that Holy and across the board Myth number six love is self-less as opposed to selfish and when I say selfish We don't need to get into it in there, but I'll get into it here When I say selfish, I don't mean petty selfishness I don't mean lying cheating stealing self-destructive behavior I mean it like you're on Brooks said this convention just a few months ago in Texas and in London Rational self-interest Just like as Nathaniel says your next breath of air is selfish. You want to live so you're gonna breathe You're gonna eat. You're gonna drink. You're gonna enjoy life These things are selfish. You enjoy these things But the rationally selfish you're not selfish. You're not hurting people when you breathe You're not hurting people generally when you eat. Let's see rob them and Drink and enjoy life and meet women and so on the selfishness in Rational self-interest the best sense possible Not what you've been told about selfishness as far as it being lying cheating and stealing which in my opinion is not selfish But self-destructive and it was obviously destructive to the people around you So one of the greatest aspects of mature romantic love is that your self-interest Your selfishness Grows to deeply encompass another human being That is a almost a direct quote from the book and I agree with that deeply if you're in a committed relationship that you care very much about well, if you value Your partner very much You're interested in life How much you care you care about I mean this scene in movies. It's not sometimes it's not too bad But you care about the other person Almost as much or as much or maybe even more than you care about yourself So it's it becomes something where You're interested in life. I mean she is just on every level with you, which is something that's really rare and really powerful As far as selfishness and being selfish and self-less As far as the myth goes You should not only bring your best self to the table in a romantic relationship I think it will be absolutely necessary in the long term So when someone says that love is in any sense self-less This is just by definition false You really need to bring yourself to the table the best self possible The self that you have developed that you have created that you have authored in your own life There's no way around it Nor would you want to avoid that in any capacity Finally To choose a woman out of billions and assert the fact that she is of particular and immense importance to you Is one of the most rationally selfish acts you can take in life When you choose a woman to be in a relationship with of any degree of any caliber You're declaring that she is more important and she's of greater value and importance to you Than all the other ones No matter how many you've met whether it's 10 or a thousand or a million So this is Just the act itself Of being in a relationship and of choosing her and of judging that She is of great value to you and she shares your values in life And you want her to be a part of your life to a great capacity This is just selfish in itself. You want that and it's a good thing. It's not Selfish in the self-destructive sense, obviously