 What's up everybody and welcome to the brilliant idiots podcast and today it is brought to you by Squarespace, okay from websites and online stores to marketing tools and analytics Squarespace is the all in one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your business. Okay, there are no hidden fees or price hikes and all websites are optimized for mobile and it's so simple you could just start with a design template and use drag and drop tools to make it your own. How do you do it? You head to squarespace.com slash idiot for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code idiot to save 10% off your first purchase. Now let's start the show. It's so stupid, it's positively brilliant. What's up everybody, it's your boy Schultz see Charlemagne is not here today he has a special secret that he's handling. Okay, and maybe you guys will know about that secret in the future maybe you will not, but I've been told that this secret is not out there in the world. Right, Taylor Taylor, what what wax, I don't know what's going on. I hate starting the pot on a lie. What are you talking about? It's not a lie for me not a lie. You do know it's going on. I don't know nothing. You do know everything. Me? Yeah. All right. Well we have Akash Singh filling in for Charlemagne today. And Akash also knows the thing that we're lying about. But it's somebody else's personal business. I know. I'm not going to say what it is, but I know I won't lie. Please like wax. Taylor is on the mic today. Now that Charlemagne is not here, I refuse. I refuse to silence black women. I don't silence black women. Not on my podcast, not on any platform. I will I silence black women. We'll see how long that lasts today. I might pull the plug right out of that fucking mic. But I am not silencing black women on this podcast today. Taylor welcome. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Here's your big shot. Be interesting. I'm always interesting. Here we go. Here we go. I agree. They just typed in www.reddit.com on their browsers and they're ready to roast. Listen, we are here today. I'm sure Charlemagne will explain why in the near future you guys will know. But all cool, good things. So don't be concerned. Like this is all great blessings, blessings, blessings. God is good. Okay. What is the saying? God is good. All the time. All the time. All the time. All right. Good shit. Okay. So we got some things going down here. Taylor, you put together some notes for us. Snoop Dogg announces next album on Tonight Show plus Def Jam Kids album two. It's positively brilliant. Oh, that's positively brilliant? Yes, he has to scroll up. Why is that positively brilliant? What do you mean? That Snoop Dogg announces new album on the Tonight Show plus a Def Jam Kids album two. You don't think? No. You don't think that's cool? I don't understand. Nobody watches the Tonight Show. I mean, only listen to gospel. I'm just biggin' up black excellence. So whatever. What is Def Jam Kids? That's something new. I guess for songs for kids. Congratulations. That's dope. How do you feel about it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The problem is you only listen to gospel. I ain't gonna lie. The only music you listen to is gospel. There's only gospel. Look, you see what I got on my fucking leg? This is what I walk around every day with. I have to have gospel music in my ears to walk around with. This is absolutely terrifying. Can you throw me this mask right here? I can't believe that you walk around with this mask. I have to walk around? You're asking for it. You're asking for people to be afraid. I'm asking the fuck am I asking for it. No, no. I would be way more scared of it. Maybe what are you asking about? You're a huge black guy with fucking dreadlocks. You're walking around with a skull mask like the Predator. Every bus driver used reason to be scary. No, that mask is only scary for white guys wearing it. That's a serial killer mask. Black and brown serial killers. No mask, way scarier than the wax of that mask. Can I say something? And this is something that you should all know. White guys do not use masks to serial kill. We use our whiteness. We would never expect that we were gonna be killers. And then we take you, we snatch you up, and then we kill you. That's a good point. You walking around with this, you're being an asshole. No, I'm not. You're being an asshole. I'm not being an asshole. What is this for? What are you doing with this? This is for my Airsoft paintball spot. But you're not... This is my mask. But are you playing paintball today? Yes, I was actually, but I just bought it. Everybody know they are for sale. You want to go ahead and go to Who's Wax Paintball? Oh, this is an item that he sells. You look like a soldier boy on this podcast. Every single week he got a new item that he's dropshipping. Who's Wax? I don't know nothing. Apparently. Can you just put this on? He's like raging. He really is. He got AirPods, WaxCon headphones. Everything, brother. Listen. Okay, this is good. There you go. Great. Yeah. Oh no, that's scary as fuck. Yeah, it's scary. It's terrifying. It's terrifying. It's terrifying to me. I don't think Wax, you look better. You look better. No. Taylor with a bar reddit. Don't hate on that. That was funny. That was an actual funny line that Taylor just said right there. Come with heat. Okay. Wax, take, I'm going to call the cops if you don't take that off right now. I'm not playing around. If you want to look as scary as me on Halloween or something, you know. Okay, make sure you go get the, where can they get the masks? Who's Wax got right now? Okay, we got it. Keep scrolling down, Taylor. Dot net, dog. Keep going. You can't even get a dot com, bro. These are all positive. Positive brain. Keep going. Okay. This is positively brilliant. Let's start with what a fucking idiot. Let's start with what a fucking idiot. Okay. Haunted house worker accidentally stabs 11 year olds when attempting to scare him. What? Stab them with what though? But yeah. A real knife. But why would you have a real knife? Yeah. Isn't this supposed to be a joke? I don't know. Click on the link. You're supposed to read these fucking articles. Oh, you want me to read them? Okay. Yeah. Before. Beforehand. I think is the idea. Okay. Yeah. This is absolutely crazy. But that haunted house is legit. So what did we say? So basically the man was allegedly willing a knife he would have brought from home and began scraping the ground as a child approached with a friend. And basically the kid wasn't acting scared. So to scare him, he stabbed. Hold on. Hold on. He stabbed the kid's toe. And the kid was wearing crocs. Fuck that kid. That's all the kids. Fuck that kid. Get a real sneaker where your toes is protected. Yeah. You're wearing a croc. Obviously you're going to get stabbed in your foot. Anything can happen with a croc. Anything can happen with your shoes that you have on. Yeah. You can't go on flip flops. Exactly. Why not? Why were you dressed that way? Yeah, he was asking for it. He was asking for it. He was asking for it. You came to the fucking haunted house in Crocs? That's only like 40% of your feet covered. Like you don't give a fuck about it. Can we be honest? You work in a haunted house. You like scaring people. And then this cocky little kid walks in wearing crocs. Like there's no way I'm going to be scared. I'm not going to have to run out. Yeah. I'm not going to be terrified at all. You're going to want to scare that motherfucker. The next time you come in with some Timberlands. What is it? Hell yeah. It's yours? Yeah. Yeah. Be ready for action. Come on now. It's a haunted house. Why are you trying to protect this kid? I didn't run. Because he's a child. You don't know that. What do you mean? Who dressed him? You don't know that. How do we know he's a child? He's 11 years old. You can look 11 years old. His parents let him walk outside with crocs like that. To a haunted house. Parents are accountable as well. Come on. How old was Mulan when she started getting busy? That's a good point. She was probably 11 years old. Save in the country. Right? Come on now. People have done great things at 11 years old. Definitely put on some real fucking sneakers. You know what? I was doing that 11. What were you doing at 11? Running. Running. Yo, I went to therapy yesterday, right? And? It was like a new version of therapy. Now I get to listen to my talk. I curse that therapy is out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'm taking mad time. Talking all slow and shit. You know what I'm saying? So I told my mother, fuck it. Yeah. Because everything is a fucking hour. $100,000 an hour. Oh, it's only three hours before you fucking end up talking. So she was like. Oh yeah. If you're billing by the hour. Yeah. They might as well talk slow. Yo, sir, your name again. You own my fucking name? Yeah. So now we're doing this shit that people get to and talk. Like audio book shit. So now I get to talk to you after. I talk to Carla after. So that's my therapy. So now I get to yell at the lady. No more. I get to yell at Carla. What do you mean? What the fuck did you just say? Are you all in the same room? No. Yeah. The lady is like the audio book. So it's not like somebody. I don't understand what's happening. You talking about Zeus? No, no. It's like all the old person talk to me. Therapy over the phone. Over the phone. No, no, no. It's fun. It's a recording. It's a recording. I'm listening to a recording. Of what? I feel like a therapist. How is she going to hear what's wrong with you if it's a fucking recording? You know what I'm saying? Every time they tell me it was wrong, I yell at them. So nobody could talk to me like that. So now they're telling me what's going on in life. It's called respect versus love. That's my new therapist right now. You're still fucked up. You need a pre-therapist. Yes. Your therapist got to screen you. Now she's sitting and stopping with you learning about that. And I was like, okay, I can do better with this. I understand. So that's a little bit better than somebody telling me. But that's not therapy. Yeah. Because they're not working on your problems. He's getting over on you. This is the best thing for therapy. This is cheaper, way cheaper. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, hot dogs are cheaper than therapy. But it doesn't make them therapy, right? Hot dogs. Right? I like the therapy better. Say again? It's like an hour out of my day to talk about my feelings and shit. Yeah. But are you actually talking about it with you and Carla? Yeah, me and Carla talking about it. After the lady tell us what's going on. But it can't be like a real person guy. How much are you saving doing this? $100,000 an hour I'm saving. She just got YouTube videos. I don't know where she get it from. But she repushed the plate and I got to sit there and listen. Have you ever heard anybody... And drink tea. And drink tea. No, no. Have you ever heard anybody say like... I think you could drink tea with any therapist. My marriage was on the rocks. And then we started this audio book and then it completely saved us. Literally with that love and verse and respect just now said it. Really? Like I promise just literally the guy was saying it was like, yo, we was going to go to... This is their last step. It was going to that Friday to go to get divorced. And they... Are you telling about the book Love and Respect? Is that what the shit is? There's a book called Love and Respect. It's a Christian based relationship book. Shout out to my homie, LJ. He's the one that told me about this book, him and his wife. LJ, you in the same boat. Luther Jackson shouts but... Is that what you're talking about? I guess. You listen to an audio book about relationships. How does that help you, Wax? What the fuck do you mean? Because I don't get fucking respected. What the fuck are you talking about? And they speak my language. So imagine showing up to therapy with that mask on. That's what I was going to do. You're not getting no advice, bro. You're not getting no advice, bro. That person right there need help too. Yes. But that's the person who really needs help though. That's what y'all understand. The problem is you don't think you need help. I don't. Exactly. So then why are you in therapy? Because I have to. Because you have to exactly. Who said? You don't even think that you need help, right? So that you're in there thinking that there's nothing that needs to be changed. So when this woman is telling you to change shit, you're like, change what? I'm perfect. Now you understand what I'm going through. It must be difficult. Like a stoop. No. Like he said, it's like if you really think about it, right? If you're going... Let's say you're the fucking... You're Michael Jordan. And you got a coach. Iverson. What doesn't matter? Yeah. Practice. Practice. You got a coach exactly. Iverson. Yeah. Coach said you got to be in practice. And you're like, motherfucker, I dropped 30 a game. Tell these bums practice. They're not dropping 30. Exactly. I'm not even dropping 30. No. Right. So here's the question. Why do you think that you're so good at being in a relationship? Why do you think you're the Iverson of being in a relationship? What makes you so good at being in a relationship? Because I think it is only so much you can do when it comes down to protecting and providing. Protecting and providing. And she has is like, what else a man's supposed to fucking do? You do protect the fuck out of her. You protect her. Provide for her. Provide. So what the fuck else a man's supposed to do? Did y'all learn anything else a man's supposed to do? Well, yeah. It's supposed to be emotional and everything else. You hang out. You can enjoy your time together. Do you guys have conversations? About protecting and providing. You ever watch a movie together and be like, I was pretty cool. About protecting and providing. That's it. There's the only thing. There's a movie watching. It's going to be like the army movie and stuff. I'm like, okay, I got to get those. I got to get those flashlights. Yeah. I got to do this. Everything is based on a build me and build her. Things that she should hopefully have me watching. Things to build her. What's her job? To make sure I could help be protected and be providing. Help me help us. To protect and provide. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's her job. So her job is way less specific than yours. Yours is two things, very specific. Hers is everything else. Just to make sure I'm able to help. Do you have to have sex? Do you have to have sex? Is that part of your job? Do you have to have sex? Provide dick. Provide dick. Provide dick. I gotta make sure at all times I'm ready. Even if there's a time where you don't want to do it. What does that mean for me? Oh, I have that all the time. Me and my girl have that conversation. You're able to say no. On the way back in the Uber? No, it's not. It's more like this like, yo, we fucking tonight? And then we're like, nah. You're able to say that? Hell yeah. Cash, your question? Y'all never have a mutual now? You just had a big ass dinner dessert. You guys, dinner, dessert, you fool as fuck, you exhausted? That's, that's, I mean. It's never her going, oh my God, I want it so bad. I'm like, I can't, then I gotta go do it. I don't know what you're saying. We both be like, we tired. That's it. I'll touch you, you be like, or, no, not tonight. I'll be like, I ain't gonna, I'll turn, I'll go to sleep. Yeah, I'm not turning my back on her, but we'll both look at each other like, we need to get it in. Should we do it tomorrow in the morning when we got energy? I ain't got time for the morning shit. You can't do it in the morning. Oh, you waking up with Charlotte? Hey, my rest of my day is fucked. Ah, you're fucked. The rest of the day fucked. Wait, wait, if you fucking the morning, the rest of your day is fucked? Done. Why? You can't defer the dick. You gotta fuck when it's ready. Yo, it rocks nuts as I'm going to sleep. Oh, you have, what? I'm tired as hell. That's like you're gasoline? That's like you're... You only do one time, too? Oh, Taylor, stop it. Half of the time. Taylor, stop it. Taylor is a wild girl, man. What are you talking about? This is why you're single. This is why you're single. No. You need too much dick. That's a lot. I have high sex drive. One round is not gonna be shit for me. Every time you say that, you're running man away. You're scaring him. Yep. If the one round is bombed... I'm scared, my girls listen to this right now. I'm terrified. Give me the mask. Put that shit on Taylor. That was a man, baby. You're coming, this lady. I was a dude talking shit. Don't believe none of this. Come on, now. But you're gonna talk about how you discussed with her. No good man is going more than one round. How do you have that kind of time? Yo, that's not true. Get a job. Buy you something. Get a job. Get a job. He got no job, Taylor. Why you not tired? Why he hanging out? Why he got that kind of time? Why you not tired? Can I ask you a question? Just so we keep it a buck right here. One round ahead isn't enough for me. I need multiple rounds. Ooh. Fuck you. This girl is hard. You gotta start it up like that. I really thought I had her. I thought I had her on the ropes, bro. I said, one round ahead is not enough. She was like, gulp. I lived in New York. I warmed that shit up. But how y'all are talking like you talk to your partner about like, oh, we're going to have sex tonight. My eyes used to get mad at me if I used to bring up like you want to have sex. What? You guys say it all the time? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. You be having sex, Isabel. Yo, you want to fuck again? Yo, we should fuck after this. Yo, this is kind of fun. I can do this all day. I'm like, man, I'm trying to get the fuck out. All day, yo. Spontaneous sex is great. Don't get me wrong. It is. But at the same time. We got responsibility. We know we're going to be busy tomorrow. Yo, we got to get it in today. Boom, let's go. I need to know if I got a shower. My ex used to give so. Listen, if you going on vacation, y'all know what time it is. You ain't got shit to do all the fucking day. You the fuck all day. Just make sure you ain't got me nothing. If it wasn't all nut, I could fuck you all throughout the whole fucking day. No, that would drive someone crazy. I'm surprised Carla's not pissed off at that shit. What do you mean? You just don't nut with her? No, it does. And listen, if you want me to go all day, I'm just not going nuts during these sessions. Yeah, you be nothing, bro. No, no, no, I'm not going to nut during these sessions. Like I do a session, you good? And then I keep on if you want to fuck all day. But if you want me, if I let loose on any one of those, I'm done, I ain't got time for this shit. You done for the day. You're a one nut per day guy. You don't have much fucking nut. Come on, you feel that fucking cunt. Ew. That shit comes a lot. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest. When you say it, I believe it. I'm trying to tell you this shit's wild. Now, when you got that mask, was it all black? Is that your jerk off mask? Is that what you give your girl this time? Just a little bit. Just a little. One shot hits you and then you duck the next one. Now, that's crazy. I think we got to have more realistic expectations for sex. I think your day doesn't have enough structure. You need a more structure day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about on the weekends, right? If I'm hanging out, just hanging out. Yeah. You don't got no friends to hang out with. I mean, it's just a while, dude. What about brunch? Brunch is counted sex one time. If we went to brunch together, we fuck. That's the real question. Sex for me is any time I pay for something or if I put my penis on my head. No, how long is it going? Huh? How long is it going? Because I'm acquiring, when I say sex session, I'm talking about head, like all that, everything. Now that child every time? Yeah, I think I just got woken up to the head not too long ago. That shit was great. You got woken up to head? No, dude. I'm not doing that. And he went down for 15 minutes. Guy doesn't make any real money. I'll tell you that right now. There's no way. No way. Don't be mad because he went down for 15 minutes. Y'all can't. 15 minutes? Well, he might have been down there for four hours. You have no fucking clue. You woke up before the end of it. I didn't wake up to like we were, I was half up, whatever, and then. You were half up or you were asleep? You said sleep. If you're snoring. Oh my God. Partner shit, he's down there. That's wild. Right? You were in the fucking splash. Listen, you didn't know girls never even know when they were on their period, like, oh my God, you knocked it on. If he was down there, your period came on that night. Yeah. Don't you came when they blame us? Like, like God didn't make it every 28 days. You fucking girls. Oh, you must have started it. Oh, did I? You know what's crazy? Oh, did I just start your body? Is that what happened? Me. I'm the Mr. Lucky. I used to think that. Yeah, I did something. It was supposed to be two weeks from now. I just knocked it down. Oh, I guess. Yeah, yeah. It was pregnant by somebody else. What happened with you this past week? What happened with you, Wax? Yeah, I was. I had food poisoning, man. From what? I went somewhere. I went on a date. You know, it was Judy and Carla. She's now starting her date night shit. And my first date night, I ended up with food poisoning. Which day of the week? I tried to do it like a Thursday or Friday. I don't talk to me. Talk to me. What? Thursday, Friday, you competing with all the single people. What? Hey, that's literally with all the rest. Think about it, right? Thursday, Friday, you competing with all the single people, right? Saturday, you compete with single people. That's a lot. Saturday night is nuts. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, nobody's going out to dinner. Reservation's much easier to get, eat at the best restaurants. Monday's. Wait, say what? I think about Monday. Monday, I do Tuesday, but like, why am I going to be out with all these fucking single people? Fuck all that. I don't want to be around that, shenanigans. I want to have a nice... I'm not trying to meet nobody. I got the girl that I want to meet. Why does it matter if they're single or not? You're with the girl that you're with. You got a pretty girl. It's a bunch of single dudes. Pretty girl. It's too much. I like to be quiet. Like, we went to the movies a couple of weeks ago. What movie you see? Uh... Candyman? He probably fell asleep during that shit. You don't know. Baby, I went to sleep. You know what I'm saying? When I sit down, it's like a tunnel. I knew it. I had a bunch of food. I knew it. Wax it. You're boring, Wax. Get up. I can't finger you now. It's me too old for that shit. You know what I'm saying? It is for you to do what the fuck will happen. Like, that's the best way to do it. Now, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. This is, tell her, I need you to wait on this as well, but how long would y'all wait into the movie before trying to finger your date? Back of the day? Back of the day. Um... I was a fast finger. Second preview. Second preview. No, this movie looks crazy. I got my hand on the lap. You stick your hand in the butter popcorn? That's way, way back in the day. That's just what you... That's your first kiss. You know what I'm saying? That's your first kiss. I remember the movie night fingering, bro. Has that ever happened? Like, I ever tried to do that to you during the movie? My boyfriend, but like... I mean, I hope. Not some fucking random guy in seat 36. Can I say this? I'm not ambidextrous with my hands when it comes to finger. Like, I can't finger with my left hand. Like, I've been, like, hooking up with girls in a bed and they've been on, like, this side of me and I've tried to do it and it's almost like writing. Like, I don't have enough dexterity in these fucking fingers. So I gotta roll over them to the other side. So I can finger with this hand. So if I'm in the movies and I always... What is this? My finger. What is this? You play the notes, bro. Wait, what? I'm lost. When you finger a girl... You're just doing this? Yeah. You're just playing for release on her vagina? I never did that. No, no, no, no. I didn't want to go this on fucking camera but now you guys are making it happen. Yes, there's a little bit of that, right? Yeah, good job. But I can only do that with the right hand. Even right now with you guys, that's hard for me to do. Look at that. It looks dirty. This one is not. This is... You gotta practice. Your fluid would be better than sturdy, I assume, right? I'm right here. No, no, I gotta go this one. Ba, ba, ba. What? What? You're crazy, too. This girl is crazy. You gotta practice. All I'm saying is I only got one hand. So if a girl was sitting to the left of me in the movie theater, she not gonna... You're a very respectable date if she's on the right seat. How the fuck am I supposed to cross over my body? Get down under here. Imagine how to switch two seats over. Hey, what do you want to do? Hey, baby, can you actually sit here? She gets up to use the bathroom and I switch the seat because I know what's going on. That's the thing. Has she ever got turned away by it? Like, she actually wants to watch the movie? Nah. I did it. I did it. It was actually her friend. I tried to get two fingers in one night. Wait, like one on each side of you? Yes. So I was... What? There's some covers. I mean, like the jackets. I remember because I just got that jacket, too. And she kept complimenting my race jacket. It was a new race jacket we got. Okay. Well, you finna finish, bitch. Yeah. I was trying to finger both. And then what happened? She just grabbed my hand up under the... The jacket. The jacket. And one girl said no, but the other girl was cool. I ended up kissing her on the night, though. Bill. How long goes it? It's all about the jackets. I was probably like... Eight. No. I was probably like 14 to 12. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Wild. I thought you were going to say at least 20, not 14. What? Are you fingering 20 years old? Nah. Yeah. God, I miss fingering. Wait, hold on. You miss fingering at 20? It was fun, dude. Fun time. Y'all don't finger at all even during head? Finger? After you started having sex? Yeah. I mean, it's like you can a little bit for warm-up. But the thing about fingering is that, like... It was... I think it was so exciting when we were younger, because... It's like that's when it became real, the sexual interaction. Like, you're making out with a girl. Like, you're grabbing parts. It's like, you're kind of hooking up, but you're not hooking up. You can do that while you're dancing. Everyone touching the butt was a thing, too. Yeah. But, like, the finger was like, oh, we're going to have sex. Yeah, something about to happen. Yeah. Like, this is going to be real. It's very exciting. Like, you open the can or something. Keep going on that. You get that little whiff. Keep going on that. Once you get that little whiff, it's like, okay, I can eat this. Yeah. You get that whiff. That's that albacore. That's the darkest. Yeah. Crank it open. See how harsh she's been dancing. Back in the day, too, baby. I made my girl now listening to this. Okay. Taylor, what else we got, y'all? Okay. You have to say, like... All right. For no reason. For a shit... I mean, do you guys want to talk about the R. Kelly convicted or no? I mean, what do you think about R. Kelly? So... So that sounds great. All right. So at this time, I feel like, yes, he should get what he deserves, whatever, 140 years ever, how much he's getting. But at the same time... Whoa. Don't do that. I'm just... At the same time, like, and everyone's saying, oh, we got to cancel this music for real, for real, blah, blah, blah. But, like, what are we going to dance to at your wedding? What are we going to dance to, like, step your name in love? What's going to replace that? A freaky lineman. Akash had an interesting point about this, though. Yeah, he... I believe he does not own his masters. So you can still listen to R. Kelly without giving any money back. He doesn't own his masters at all? I believe not. So I think... I heard that once and I didn't want to fact check it because I don't want to be wrong. And I just want to enjoy R. Kelly's music. But here's the tricky thing about R. Kelly's music. Yeah, right. I got let off the hook morally. R. Kelly wrote the music. Yeah. Those old songs that, like, a composer would write, and then you'd just have the most famous people of the time sing them, like Frank Sinatra would just sing the hits, et cetera. Yeah. Like, I feel like you could still like that song no matter what because that person just sang it. They didn't write it. Mm-hmm. And if the meaning for you is, like, what the song is about, then you could probably listen to it. You'd be okay. But R. Kelly wrote all this shit. I know. And he meant it. And you're right, though, Akasha says. So who is... So who else is, like, in R. Kelly's shoes that we still listen to who did bad? Who did bad 100% confirmation? Yes. All of them? Not this bad? Hitler. Well, I mean, I don't listen to Hitler's hits, you know? I bet that she was good, though. He'll talk about it, though. I'm not listening to that shit. I learned about fucking Hitler. Why the fuck I need to learn about him? But I don't think he was a musician. He was an artist. He was an artist. Who else? Like, who else is just as bad as R. Kelly, but we still watch his stuff? I mean, Woody Allen married his... His daughter. Well, his adopted... Elvis Presley? His wife's adopted daughter. Yeah. Which is close enough. It's still weird. It's very weird. Elvis Presley. His wife adopted... What'd he do? He married like a third... Hold on, hold on, hold on. One convo at a time. So, the Woody Allen thing? No, it's not... Yeah, it all depends on the age now. He was young. When they met. He was young. Yeah. I mean, I think she was 19. When they met? I think they met for the first time at 17. But they lived in separate homes. Or maybe the first time they met, she was 19 or something like that. And like, I'm not trying to cap for him. It's fucking weird. And he should know that it's weird and just not do it. Yeah. Even if that's the person you love more than anybody in the world, marry the second person you love more than anybody. Not everybody gets their first chance or first choice in life. So, he married his wife's... step daughter. No, his wife's adopted daughter. Yeah. Wow. So, wait. He married his wife. 17-year-old adopted daughter at the time. And then two years later, he left his wife for this girl. I don't know the exact timeline of when he left. Yeah. But I know that he wasn't apparently in her life as much as we assume. I assume they all lived in one big house. Everybody's happy. You assume. But the wife lived in a separate house. He wasn't a father figure, say again. Like Chris like... Oh, yeah. He looks a little like Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't Chris marry an aging guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Chris trying to run it back. One time. For the culture. Chris actually probably knows the details. Hey, Chris, are you on with us? Yeah, but I'm not... I don't have anything to say, but I don't know what you guys are talking about. Yo, Chris, come on. Don't leave us hanging out here. You know what happened with Woody. Talk to us. No, listen. If you want a better comparison to R. Kelly, I would suggest Jimmy Page, the guitarist for Led Zeppelin who in his 50s was married to like a 17-year-old woman, Jerry Lee Lewis, the early rock star who married a 13-year-old Elvis. Those are probably closer comparisons. Elvis Mary. What was her name? Priscilla. Priscilla Lee. Yeah, she was only... She was definitely a minor. I think he met her at like 14, apparently. Wouldn't have sex with her until she turned like 16? Or something like that? Like... But yeah, that's fucking disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, they're all monsters. I didn't know that Jimmy Page, who married a 13-year-old? Yeah, Jimmy Page was infamous for dating essentially teenagers. Yeah, these people are absolute creeps. Why won't you talk about the Woody Allen thing? Just out of curiosity. Oh, no, I just heard you guys comparing. I didn't know what you were talking about, but I think you pretty much nailed the details of it. He... It was Mia Farrow's adopted daughter, and they claimed they didn't start having an intimate affair until after he had broken up with Mia. And he also claims that during the time he was technically her father or stepfather, they were living apart in separate houses, like you say. But I think you nailed it. Even if this is the person you love the most in the world, marry the second one, right? Like, there's just no scenario where it's kosher essentially to get in a relationship. It's also kind of arrogant to just assume you should marry the person that you love the most in the world. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of people who go, I love Beyonce the most in the world, but I don't get to marry Beyonce. That's a good point. Jay-Z marries Beyonce. So then you start going down the list until you get someone that you can have. And, yeah, your wife's adopted daughter. You think she was upset? Who, the wife or the daughter? The wife. I mean, yeah, she... I think so. But to be clear, the big allegation, even more so than that against Woody Allen is that he actually sexually abused his birth daughter when she was like one or two. And that's what's really the source of controversy, even more so than marrying his stepdaughter. They've investigated that a bunch. And I think even the CIA or FBI or somebody looked into it and they're like, nah, this is not legit. Yeah, there's a whole doc. I haven't watched it, but I mean, certainly you can go down that rabbit hole. Yeah, that's the thing. It's got to be 100% if you're going to put that on screen. Yeah, don't do that. But also I think like the Mia Farrell, the woman who his wife, like I think three of her adopted kids ended up dying from either like suicide or drug overdose. Jesus. Why would they keep giving her kids? Say what? Why'd they keep giving her kids? They just do that with rich white women. That's just a thing. If you're a rich white woman, you just get to... Rich white women can get anything they want. This is the rule. Yeah, you didn't know how America was built? No, sir. They put a woman on the coin. They did? Yeah, Susan B. Anthony. Oh, yeah. Never even knew that. She was anything. She couldn't even have a job to get the coins, probably. She was selling a flag or something. Betsy Ross. No, Betsy Ross. At least she put her on the bill like, what was she doing to be on the money? Huh? Want to see the change? I got no change. No, it's on like the dollar. The dollar coin or something like that. Yeah. But what did Susan B. Anthony do? Price fun good. I don't even honestly think she deserves a middle initial. That's Susan Anthony. Anthony, champion of... These are rights activists. Abolition, the rights of labor and equal pay for equal work. Actually, that's kind of lit. Yeah. She will fight you for people. First feminist. Ah, bro. I should respect. And now wax sells masks made out of her. So this is a real... All right. Shout out to Susan B. Anthony. It's so crazy how they pose back in the day in the picture. Right? Proper. Like, look how we pose now versus... Good. Also, like, back in the day, if you were painting me and my family, the audacity of you to make it accurate. What? Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. No filter on you piece of shit. Do some gruesome Photoshop. This one was forever. Like, they don't even know what I look like for real. For real? I don't pay you for accuracy. You making my wife look like this so everybody knows I like these big chicks? Yeah. You know what I mean? Slim it up. Yo, look how long... You look like a museum. A little airbrushing. That's it. Look how long you have to sit there and pose with pictures back in the day. Exactly. Yeah. Hours. Somebody sit there and draw you out a whole time. Walk in the room and be like, make me and my family look as beautiful as possible. And I'm going to help you do that by not being here. Yep. So you just pick some people that we should look like and that's it for history. Because that's all we know of old people, right? Yeah. Like, all we know about George Washington and shit is how he looked in that one picture. That's it. I got one idea of George Washington. He had a bad hair day. This shit wasn't curling sometime. For real. Right? Imagine George Washington came back and he was telling people he's George Washington, but his perm is all fucked up. That ain't you. Santa Claus. Santa Claus had a dope beer all these fucking years. Okay. So there was controversial stuff happening on like the showroom and stuff where you know who Ari Fletcher is. No. Who's Ari Fletcher? Ari and Money Bag Yo. Do you know who that is? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's the girlfriend of Money Bag Yo, Ari Fletcher. He used to date G Herbo. I'm like nobody. And basically he brought her, or she brought him 28 acres of land in Memphis. Oh, we smell like this. I love this. I think this is so cool. But did you see what the girls from The Real said about it? No, what they said? What they said? Alex, this is the first link under shit. You won't care. So who bought who? She bought him or he bought her? No, she bought him. He bought him 28 acres of land in Memphis, which sounds great. And basically they were trying to say that that's wifey duty. And she's only a girlfriend. I don't believe that. She does dope girl duty. Yeah. I mean, what a great- Keep pushing the arrow and you'll see what they said. That's fine. That's her kind of coming back at her. She made a good point. Let me see. Should there be limits placed on gifts in your relationship when you are not married? Last year, last season, Lonnie and I were talking about don't act married if you're not married. This is acting married. That's like- Can you pause this for a second? Yeah, I hate this fucking. I need to see the same energy when these girls are talking about buy me a Birkin. Exactly. Where's the same energy, right? Saweetie out here getting fucking luxury. Girls get a Birkin. You get jewelry. You get watches. Go ahead, girl. Get him, girl. I'm not on hubby duty, right? Yeah. Am I acting like a husband when I do that? We always do a husband duty, always. Can I be honest? Pay the bill? Facts, bro. This is just annoying about these girls talking shit about this. We were talking about this on Flagrant too, but this is like- This is a gift that can provide generational wealth. Exactly. And it is something that should be rewarded no matter what. Like, giving people an asset that's just going to grow in value. Come on, man. Like, what a cool gift. God bless you, girl. It's a really cool gift. A car depreciates every single day. Every day. I used to think like that, though. Not necessarily off her, but like, I think- I used to think that there used to be wife duties and- How are you going to be wife if you don't do wife duties? He's going to stay girlfriend forever. No, he's got mad knowledge of the guy's energy. The guy's energy is not up to par, then I'm not going to be certain. Yeah, but we can't assume that for him. We don't know how he treats her. Of course, no, no, no. I'm saying not be soft to him. I'm just saying for me. Like, I do not do certain things. Is there anything that husband's supposed to not do? Because we do literally everything all the way throughout. Nothing changes for us. We still take care of everything throughout. Yep. Like, are you going to do anything different when you get married? No. No, I've been treating my girl like my wife. What the fuck am I going to do then? I don't treat her any differently. What more can I do? Shut up and lose. One, two, three. I'm going to therapy. I'm going to therapy. I'm learning. That's why he wants to yell at his therapist to get it back. So stupid. Let me to lose again. That's my problem because I still fight. Like, I still try to win the argument. You're bugging. You do? I know, I do. You're going to lose anyway. But I'm like that in life. That's a bigger present, bro. That's me. You got to get the last one. I never understood married men who were like, oh, I'm going to win the battle. And now I'm like, oh, I get. There's so many things. It's like, oh, this one, you can have this one. And then when it's worth it, we can fucking go. I don't understand that. Every battle. It could be the littlest thing. Oh, my gosh. The fucking thing. She's going to end up winning anyway. Oh, I know. But it just, I don't know why. There's something in me that just compels to fucking argue. If I see something that is like, karmically off in the universe, I have to correct that every single time. You learn. That's childish, yo. Yeah, I'm a child. That shit is childish. Yeah, I'm a fucking child. You got a lot of fucking liquid. What do you mean? Because my mouth is too dry to do all that. To do all the argument? Oh, I can argue all day. I love it. You know, I got water next to you or something. I got that shit right there. I got the white ship building up my fucking corner in my mouth. I don't care. I'm ready to roll. Smoke coming out of my mouth. I'm ready to argue. She won. Say what? She won. No. She's like, let's talk. I said, you already won? So whatever it is. No, I don't. No, I think you got to, if you think that you're on the right, you got to. Now, if I'm wrong, I'll say it. Me too. I'll say it right off the job. Dude, what are you arguing? Well, because she don't admit she's wrong. That's right. And then if you're going to not admit you're wrong for so long, now it's a thing. When you are wrong, I need to see it. It could be about the littlest. It could be about the littlest shit, bro. It could be, hey, you know, it could be, it could be her saying, yeah, I turned, no, I turned off the light in the room already. Then I go back in there. I'm like, the light's not off. And she's like, oh, that's weird. I turned it off. And I'll be like, no, you didn't. Got you. Say you didn't. I need you to admit it. Oh, sometimes there's a problem with the system. It turns back on. Don't do that. I know you blame it on the system for no fucking reason. This is great. I need that. I need this. I need that. You know what? They make us own up to it. I ain't got time for them to make them own up to it. I ain't got time for that shit. I like an argument. Yeah, man. This is something that has not gone away with age. It actually has increased with age. I like an argument. Not necessarily with my girl, but just in life, I like a fuck. Dude, the other day I was at, we were at this place of sedels, right? It's just like a fancy like bagel and like cream cheese and like lock spot. And I take my mom, my dad, and I take my girl. And we all go, right? And they sit us at this table that's like right under the AC. And the AC is like blowing down my fucking head and neck. And I asked the guy, like, hey, man, can we switch tables? The AC is blowing down. And the guy, the waiter, like kind of like rolls his eyes. And I look and I'm like, are you telling me at a Jewish restaurant, nobody's ever switched the fucking table that they were put down here? Like you should be the most aware of this, right? In fact, you sadistic this fucking table because you think that I'm not Jewish and you think you could sit us under the AC. So I move it and I swear to God, all the other Jewish people around, they look at me and they're like, good for you. You stood up for yourself. Good for you. Nobody sits at that table. They were so proud that I actually moved. Like I protected my family. Like I took care of them for a day, but I like the argument. But you know what I'm mad at? That you don't sound like me. And I can put you on the phone and you go ahead and do all the arguments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, on the phone you can do it. But in person, it looks more intimate. I love as I get older walking away from an argument. Like when they're pissed off, she's mad and I'm like, yeah, we're not doing this. And then I just walk off and just leave him in it. You can do that too? What the fuck? Oh, it's a bigger fight later. But I'm fine with that. Because in the moment you just sit in your anger. Sometimes they'll level off. Most of the time, no. But it's like, I'm not doing this. Matter of fact, if I start a fight and then we get into a fight and then she's still upset after we've resolved the fight, we're going to fight about that. Fuck you upset about. We just resolved it. I said sorry. I took accountability. I apologize. I was cranky. That's on me. Nah, you cranky. I'll get the fuck out of here if I can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What the hell? I need to go. The fuck is wrong with you? I need to go. Shout to. Yeah, we got a lot of cookies. This is my voice. Yo, this is my voice. This is what I need from my arguments with my girl. Just an energy drink. Do you think you do that too though? Do that too though? Because you find maybe like content for your jokes and stuff or that? Nah, not even, man. Not even. I don't think you go through life looking for content. Yeah, that's joy. Okay. One of the nice things about being a comic is when something horrible happens to you, you go, oh, at least this can be material. But you're not going through life looking for horrible. At least not for me. Yeah. But like when something incredibly embarrassing happens, you're like, oh, this is going to be good. This is going to be good. I don't know. I can't believe you don't get into an argument. I can't take it. I hate arguing. Because she's going to win anyways, like, you know, that's like playing against somebody and you on a wheelchair and it gets basketball. Is it because... You know what I'm saying? You know you guarantee you're going to lose. Is it because maybe he's the only one with a white significant other? Oh, that's what I think it is. I mean, I'm going up against a fucking battle axe dog. Like I don't want this. I don't want this yelling, bro. A tourist Puerto Rican. It's too much, yo. A tourist Puerto Rican. A curly hair. T-O-R-E-S. Yes. Yeah. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second. Because after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers, we've learned something very important. And it's that there's always a catch. So when I first heard about Mint Mobile and the fact that they're offering premium wireless services at just 15 bucks a month, I thought, well, what's the catch? There must be a catch. 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Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts. I mean, that's absolutely crazy. It's so convenient to go over to Mint Mobile. And if you're not 100% satisfied, Mint Mobile has you covered with their 7-day money back guarantee. Switch to Mint Mobile and get premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month, OK? To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash idiots. That's mintmobile.com slash idiots. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash idiots. Now, this episode is also brought to you by Upstart. What would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt with Upstart? You can pay off your existing debt quickly and easily and start living your life. Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online. 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What happened, Will Smith? He came out and said that he cheated, too. No way. After, though, right? The timeline is important. It's after. Yo, bro. It's after, but they said that in that thing. They said that he was thinking about looking that way. Your girl fucks around on you. Everybody finds out. Then you got to be like, Well, we all do it. I didn't tell you. She probably made him do that, too. Jada Rotten, yo. He said that he was trying to... He was thinking about going with Halle Berry. Like, doing... He should have. Me, too. Yeah. What the fuck he wasn't there saying? It's not entanglement. What does that even mean? Thinking. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot. You've been thinking about that shit? I've been thinking about fucking Marilyn Monroe. Too bad she dead. But I've been thinking about it. That's not even mean. How you threatening your girl like that? Girl, I've been thinking, yo. I go over there. I go fuck Rihanna right now. Okay. I heard he fucked Margot Robbie, though. Word? Yeah, that's what I heard. This is out there. I heard that's a thing, yo. Yo, that August shit must've really fucked him up for him to be going out there. 100% dog. He got fat. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. He tried to blame her on the pandemic. The pandemic. All right. All right. How is any famous person's life different? Pandemic, a cheating ass wife. That's the pandemic. That's really what it is. Your life as a rich person ain't any different in the pandemic, right? You stay in your house, private. Your house is huge. Compound and Calabasas. Got everything you need. Personal trainer. Backyard, crazy. Yo, famous people that get fat, fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. You lazy pieces of shit. You have every opportunity not to get fat. Yeah. You have a private chef and workout trainer. Will a better life. You just gave up. Yeah, you're right. You have no excuse. Maybe they don't like to work out, though. Yeah, fuck you. Will Smith loves working out. Will Smith will die on a treadmill. Those are his words. I will die on a treadmill. Like this one? Yes, he will. Now. Yeah. Don't put that bitch up above six. Yeah. Listen, Will Smith is the fucking king, bro. I love Will. He's the goddamn man. It just sucks that they even got to be open about their relationship. Yeah. This is really, this is hurtful. It is all hurtful. It is hurtful. And the fact that he has to do damage control for her, get the fuck. I'm Will Smith. No. I'm the famous man. Why do they say she's famous, too? She's slopped. She's not famous like him. No fucking chance she's famous like him. Of course not. Of course not. I'm not saying. Yes, she's famous. She's famous. She's Will Smith's wife. That's why she's famous. Jada famous. Did you watch Woo? I didn't. Did you watch Hawthorne on TNT? Hold on. What has Jada done for Will? We know what Will... Have babies. Take care of them. No, y'all ain't not about to do that to Jada, yo. Take care of kids. Take care of the house. Turn her head when he have sex with another woman for years. Chill guy, turn her head. It's already sucking on another man. Yeah. She turned her head first. I'll get to see what the fuck you done did. This guy can't eat a whole... You gotta name a fucking guy named after a month. This guy spends a whole month pissed off? Yeah. Is this waiting for September? A great month. Summer. Great month. It was even during summer. It's his birthday. Exactly. His birthday didn't... Oh my God, yo. Nah, that's crazy. But now, yeah. But listen, for real, if your girl and your wife cheat on you, what the hell do you do? If... Wait, what is that? Will must got some... He's so strong to be able to stay around. Your wife cheat on you with the fucking... Yo, he's the king, bro. I love him. No, but they said... They said in the interview that they can't be in like a prison in their marriage. So, she never won a... She was unconventional with marriage. Like, she didn't really want to get married. Man, cut all that out, yeah. But you got married, though. No, but she had said that in the past, though. She said that in the past. What's unconditional? Not having sex with somebody else? You know what's unconventional? Getting to marry Will Smith. You got your unconventional marriage. You married the greatest man in America. Wow. That's not conventional. He ran a marathon. That... Yeah, sure. I think a lot of people do that. But, yeah. That's not the most impressive thing. This guy used to save the earth every summer. Every summer, this motherfucker saved the world. Literally is a superman. Like, come on, y'all. Okay, and guess what? She was... She knows how to, like, you know, hold guns. You can't even name a movie. You can't... Hello, send it off. That's like one of my favorite movies. Oh, she was one of the four leads and sent it off? She made it. Who raw? All my friends passed away. That's the writer, bro. You tell them about the ending of the movie. Like, that makes her a star. Will Smith's her husband already. Duh. I might think she survived. Was she employed at Justice? Yeah. Yes. Will Smith was already her husband. The Tupac. No, Will Smith was already her husband. That was when she was a Tupac. The only man she ever loved. Yo. Yo, I hate you, yo. And she's on Girls Trip. Yo, imagine... That didn't help. That didn't help. That didn't help. She was friends with the girl that fucked Tupac in the postal truck. Right? No. She was loved. She had Jackson you talking about? She wasn't. Oh, Janet Jackson was putting just... She wasn't even putting... She was ill. She was Jason's Lyric. Get out of here, dude. Yeah, yeah. She was putting... She was Jason's Lyric. She was Lyric. But, yeah, let's just... She worked at a day. Let's just keep it above. Will is... Diana. This is why this is so hard for us to, like, settle this equation. Because we see Will as this massively successful actor, superhero, just superstar. And we don't think that he has to sacrifice in a way that his wife is out there banging other... Right. We think a guy of that stature should be able, if he wants to, not saying it's right or wrong. But he should be able to have five wives that are all faithful to him. Period. Because he's that successful. And now he's decided to marry this girl and spend his life with this girl who is, objectively speaking, less successful than him. Yeah. And he's still got to allow her to fuck other dudes. Wow. That seems unfair. In our brains, it seems unfair. But maybe they have something... I would say, actually, they had... You get to have some for yourself, girl. They had open marriages. And, like, I was listening to her. Right? She had, like, old ones. Oh, you mean her damage control? Go ahead. Sorry. Oh, my God. That shit is all PR, though. It drives me crazy. But go ahead. I enjoy them. So-so-so. You're allowed to. So... And she was saying how, like, y'all think about Will Smith being so successful. But what about his personality? She was saying that he was controlling... Not necessarily controlling, but, like, he was trying to make too much perfect, instead of just kind of, like... Yeah. Real monster. Sounds like a real monster. Oh, my God. Listen, don't you know, if you're that successful, you expect you to be able to have something for yourself. I wouldn't be able to have my own car. My own house. What does he control? My own wife. He's a Virgo, man. But what does he control? He's a Virgo, too. His kids do whatever the fuck they want. Right? Come on. Like, you can't be a controlling parent and then your kids are that fluid and, like... Dress however they want. Dude, like, a controlling parent is, like, this is your haircut. This is how you dress. This is the school you go to. Like, this is the life that you're going to live. Like, my parents were controlling it all. They were way more controlling than that. My dad's not letting me walk around dressed like that. You out of your mind? I couldn't even play football. Come on, yo. You think the Will Smiths... I'm talking about father. I'm talking about... Also, is it controlling to say you can't have dicks inside you that aren't mine? That's controlling? No, that's not what she's saying. That's not how she was saying it. That's the only problem. That's what we're hearing. Oh, my God. If that's controlling, I'm controlling. I'm a tyrant. I'm a really controlled freak. What the fuck? You know, oh boy, what's the guy with the beads in his hair? The rapper. Oh, Yachty? Yeah, Yachty. He said, you're a child if you want to know if what's your girls count. You are. I'm a child of God, for sure. You and your bucket. I want to know what the hell... You want to know how many bodies? If you go to a car, you want to know how many car effects? I don't want to know. You don't want to know the car effects? No. Because if I already love the car, don't tell me how many motherfuckers wrote it. I love it. What if it was an Uber? Say what? What if it was an Uber? And then you probably wonder why it's breaking down. Like, damn, I knew this. I see in 10 miles, this shit was going to break down and have problems. But I love it. I love it this far. So I'll fix it up. And that's all that type of initiative. You got it from all the different type of people. It's going to be all in you, too. Yeah, I know. It's fucked up. That smell, that gum under the seat from the third person. The nut stain from the number six. You know what I'm saying? The fucking, the Bird King spill on the floor that they never got up. I like how he went from metaphor to the real thing. He's like, the gum under the seat. You're like, I know what that is. He goes, and then the nut stain. We're being literal too. Then back to Burger King. Back to Burger King. No, I hear what you're saying. I think that makes complete sense. But my feeling with relationships is ignorance is bliss. I don't want to know nothing about your past before me. And I don't want to tell you anything about mine because I know it's just going to create conflict. Why would she still be upset? My girl wants to know how many bodies I got. And I'm like, no, you're not having that conversation. How would a man know? Yeah, I got to count that. A man I supposed to know, a woman's supposed to know. No. How many bodies she got? For sure. Absolutely. That's not true. That's what I'm saying. If a guy goes, I don't want to know, we're really saying, we really want you to go, it's not even that many. And then we go, all right, how many? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to know. And then they go, like, I can count it on one hand. Like, all right. But if she says some shit, like, good. What do you mean, good? See, I don't think the stuff that they're doing to you, like during sex, they didn't learn from someone else, another guy? No. One other guy. One guy. One other guy. One guy who was really good at sex. He taught her all the moves. He's hoping he's not waxed. Do you have a temple in his owner? I do. Nah, dude. It's fucked up. It's vulnerable, I see, for a girl, because, like, I remember I dated a girl once, and then she said, she said, what she wanted to do is, what is it called when somebody watches you? Cuck. Cuckold. She was like, I want you to watch me get fucked by someone. What? She said that to you? Which is super disrespectful that you were even comfortable enough to say that to me. Like, why would you? Why would you think I was going to be like, no, me too. I was just thinking about that. I just get to sit here, and if I need a towel or water, or something, I just don't drink. No, like, you are the one that's supposed to say that. Say what? That's kind of disrespectful. You say that to her, too, though. I'm not saying that to her. Way more disrespectful to himself. But it was crazy. Like, she was saying it, and I was like, wait, wait, hold on. Like, the way she said it, it was like, I want to do like a threesome, like two guys, like, and then me or something like that. And I'm like, wait, did you just get that wrong? Like, I literally, yeah, I was like, hold on, wait, what do you mean by, you mean like two girls, and then, because I'm like, why would you be saying this to me? Right? Like, I was so confused. I couldn't believe that you would be this crazy and disrespectful. So I was like, you had two girls. So I was getting hyped. I was like, did this girl just say her dream is a threesome? Let's get it. Me too. I'm down. Shorty goes, no, no, like two guys are like, you could watch me have sex with a guy. And I was like, yo, yo, yo, yo, what is happening? Like, what happened before this to make you feel comfortable? You did something to make her think it was okay. You did something to make her think this guy would want to watch me get fucked. You need to retrace your own steps that night. I started wracking my brain. I was like, what the fuck? Well, it lasts like another year since that happened. I don't know. But maybe I was listening too much. I think there's something, there's some imbalance in the relationship where she got so comfortable. She was like, yo, you should watch another guy fuck me. And then she looked at me as if I was about to be like, all right. Like, she wasn't even embarrassed. Wait, hold on. How long we got together before she told you that? No, we weren't together. We were just fucking around or whatever. But like... So then that's scary. So how trash is your dick game? Yeah. Like, I just finished fucking you. She's like, my dream is someone else fucks me. And you take notes in the corner. That's not... That's crazy disrespectful, yo. How do you disrespect me like that? Right? Dumbass girl? That's even funnier than that. That's fucking... Now that I say it in front of y'all. That's tragic. No. I didn't know you just finished fucking. Yo, I literally just finished fucking. I'm the man. So I'm still looking at myself in the mirror. I got the mirror attached to the fucking closet. I'm like, yo, you boy, are you killing it? And she's like... After sex? She said that? Yeah, probably. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah. She probably still in the mood though. Little horny mood. Make girls say anything. No. No, I'm not going to say this. I'm trying to help you out. I know you were. I know you were, bro. I guess I didn't lay it down, man. Fuck. Maybe it was so intimate that she really thought she could share everything. I think I even said that shit. I think I looked at her and I was just like, why would you say that to me? I was just so confused. Can you count all your times? It was like real good or you count your worst times ever in life? What, in sex? Yeah. Can you count your good, the best times? I can't count good or bad. Me neither. I definitely can't count bad. That shit is innumerable. I'm trying to think of like really bad ones. Like, I've had like hilariously bad ones. Yeah, I haven't had hilariously bad ones. Like, yeah, I had one where... Yeah. I need to know. Yeah, go! I had... Oh man, this girl... It was this bomb-ass Brazilian girl, bro. I was young, I was like... Kyle was like, fire-ass Brazilian chick. And this is when you're younger and I hadn't slept with a Brazilian girl. You just know about like the Brazilian models from Victoria's Secret. So like, you already add two points onto a Brazilian. Like if you got a Brazilian, you're like, ah, I gotta do it. And we started fucking and I nutted so fast, right? That I just kept fucking. Like, the nut is in the condom. I kept fucking. I started getting soft. I pulled out. No condom. The condom is just in the pussy still. So I had to be like, oh, I left something. And I had to go back in there. Oh my God. Pull the condom out. That's embarrassing. That was the wrong size. Say what? That was the wrong size. What do you mean, the condom? Yeah. It's always the wrong size when you're soft. It. You say so. Yo, shut up. It's soft. The condom is a tourniquet on your soft dick. Fuck out of here. Wax. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Y'all are crazy, though. Y'all never had girls with tight pussies before? Taylor about to ask you to watch her fuck her boyfriend. Y'all never had girls with tight pussies before? Yeah. Oh, it pulled the suction off. Yeah. Oh. What do you think happened? I don't know. I thought you fell off. You never had a girl like, say, I snatched condoms off? You never. You never? She says she snatched condoms off. This is like a girl's bragging line. Like, I can snatch it off. Oh, kikos. Kikos. Kegels. Yeah, kikos. Oh, now it's flipped. No, no, no. Now the girls push you so strong, they're pulling the condoms off. Yeah. What? That can happen? If it's tight enough? Or, no, most of the time you have the wrong size. No. How about, say, what's up with fucking kikos, girls? No, wait. But it is, I mean, it's possible. So you're telling me the girl pulls you go do this? Let me tell you this. If I am soft inside a girl and I have a condom on and she wants to squeeze her pussy, she can take a condom right the fuck off. All right, but what's this? I should squeeze it. Or you guys haven't done with tight pussy before. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. If a girl can't take a condom off your soft dick, I don't know what to tell y'all. You really don't know what to tell y'all, bro. Well, you must have got a lot of girls who work out. Nah, just a Brazilian one. Okay, kikos. I would never find out about kikos, no. Okay, now y'all just fucking made me feel horrible. Remember I was telling you about comedy and horrible things that happen to you end up becoming funny things and everybody gets to laugh at you for it? Do you get embarrassed or incest? Do you like apologize to the girl like, I'm sorry, sis? She said it went like it happens all the time. I don't think it happens. Charlemagne, come back. Listen, we all have seasons. I promise you. I'm not early. Like everybody not all year round, you just every single time, like you the man. Out of a year, I'll probably give you, say if you have sex 100 times, 20, 13 times in the early. This is the fucked up thing about none of us. Out of 100. A baker doesn't. Yeah. The only thing about nothing early is just, it's not an amount of time. It's just an amount of time before you nut. Yes. That's the thing that's fucked up about early is like, if you come, it's never early. See what I'm saying? Nah, if you nut like a couple of pumps, like I had them type of shit like. No, no, but if the girl comes and then you come after her, it's never nutting early. Oh, it's cool. But how are you going to get that? You won't have sex for longer for sure, but it's never considered nutting early. If you define what is coming too fast. Like if we fuck for 30 minutes and you don't come, and I come. I still nut it early. That's different. It's not 30. I'm talking about like within. You're satisfied. I've had sex and it lasted for probably two minutes. And. And don't you feel good about yourself? No, granted. That's what's nice, but at the same time, it happens all the time. It's like the fuck. But isn't it worse if you fucking for an hour all the time and he won't nut? An hour's. He just can't nut. What would you rather a guy who nuts two minutes and you've got the best pussy in the whole world or a guy is an hour. He's just fucking you. If you nut early, you better eat her out then or something. Not after you nut. Yes. That seems why. No, I can't even do anything afterwards. Backwards? Yeah. That's like having a peanut butter and jelly outside the sandwich. What? What? Right? It's just a. It'd be messy as hell. All right? Oh my God. Yo. That was the best for a wax. Good job. I don't know. Seems like that right. I wouldn't want that. You don't eat her out after nothing? After is wild. You didn't do your part? You want to know? She's got to deal with it. No, no, no. Eat out my wife. Yo. Yo, y'all are crazy, bro. Come on, yo. Me paying attention in life. Come on. Interesting. I love my. You want to know? You're going to be married one day. You're going to be like, what the fuck are we doing this for? What's that? This is ridiculous. No, all the four play that kind of shit. My love language is touched. I need that. All right. All right. All right. Once you love, you don't need that no more. Exactly. Once you get married, you love. That ring does something to your finger. It goes into your arm and to your heart. That's why they mixed the ring that side. You're going to be sitting there like, man, I really want my pussy licked. You're going to see your ring like, do I? Mm-hmm. I'm pretty sure. You think? The only thing, I'm going to look at my ring and be like, yeah, I want to see my head on my hand. All in his head. This girl's a fucking animal. Just a sad. She need prayer. Stop objectifying us, man. We're just out here trying to satisfy you. Okay. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second because I know what you got. You got a music subscription. Right? Of course you do. At home fitness subscription. Yes. Definitely. You don't have a delivery subscription. You don't have, but you should because it's a thing. Time to try dash pass by door dash and unlock those savings. You didn't even know we're missing. Dash pass is a membership that offers unlimited $0 delivery fees from thousands of restaurants, grocery stores and convenience stores. With your membership, you can save an average of $4 to $5 on each order you place for delivery or pickup. That means on average dash pass pays for itself when you order twice a month. Think about that. 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So start your free month today. Also, this episode has been brought to you by Squarespace. Okay. Domains, websites, online stores, marketing tools. Squarespace is the on one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your business. You'll find what you need. Whether you're showcasing your work, blogging and publishing content, selling products and services, announcing upcoming events or anything you can dream of buying a domain from Squarespace is easy because there are no hidden fees or price hikes and get to know your audience with their analytics tools. Okay. Those include insight on the page views, traffic sources, time on site, audience geography and more. It's also simple to start with a design template and use drag and drop tools to make your own. Okay. All websites are optimized for mobile. Your site looks great on any device. Every Squarespace website and online store comes with a suite of integrative features and useful guides to help maximize prominence among search results. These SEO tools are paramount. So head to squarespace.com slash idiot for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code idiot to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that Squarespace.com slash idiot with the offer code idiot for 10% off your first purchase. Now let's get back to this. All right. Do you guys want to go to ask idiot or y'all want to have Let's do one more topic discussion so I can get y'all laughing at me for having a fucking condom fall off. Century. He thought everybody was going to be like, me too. I thought, yeah, I did think that. It popped in with this way. Yes. Okay. Well, um, what'd you guys think about did he dating Bowell's baby mom? So who? Did he dating Bowell's baby mom? Bowell got an impressive roster, yo. Yeah, he does. Yeah. Like, I got to get on with his girls. He's been broke for decades. I don't know how much money he got. Why do you think he's broke? That's the way you always read these articles about these rappers that are broke and then Bowell flexing like he got the private jet and he's in fucking coach. He does like to lie about that. There's a whole Bowell challenge. I know. But probably why he got his money because he's in coach. Ooh. The ones who save all their money. That's interesting. And he has been on TV or film for years. I'm hosting 106 in part. Let me tell you something. If you're a little Bowell and you find yourself hosting 106 in part, something went wrong. He used to call himself Mr. 106 in part because he used to have the top videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go host that. Video to host is not that great. Yeah. Can you imagine if fucking Instinct started hosting total requests, you'd be like, something fucked up happened. Well, one of them is hosting like Love Island. There you go. Yeah, that's not that great. He ain't doing great. Yeah. I mean. What was the topic? Diddy's fucking baby mom. Diddy and Bowell are friends. He like just came from, well, not just came from, but you know, Bowell used to party with Diddy and everything else. Yo, when you get successful, I don't know, maybe Bowell feels this way. His girls. He said, yeah, let's talk with him. Yeah, but like, I don't know. I think you reach a certain level of success. Like a lot of these guys reach a certain level of success and then like, they don't have as fragile egos as the average person. Nah, you know, you got to pass along. They all pass along. You got a group of girls, they know they're going to be passing along. Yeah, but that's what I was saying last week. The knee-jerk reaction that the tailor feels right now, I think the average person feels right because their ego is tied into their partner so much. Like the partner's reflection of them and there's like this ownership and almost like property type feeling. No, but they're, no, it's more so their friends though. We don't know that. They are. But even it is the girl, they know these girls are going to be passed along. He probably got here for a couple of months and they get passed along to the next one. That's just how it is. It's okay. There's no way a lot of these other girls, I cannot get mad at none of the guys that I know there were any of the other girls that I did. So like how did he mess with his son's ex-girlfriend? He knew that's a pass-alone. He know why he had that girl there. That girl knew why she was there. She's like, I'm coming for a couple of weeks. Also if you're a diddy son, he gave you everything. He can't take one thing. Come on. He provided for you a lot. That's only 10 toes and 10 fingers. You don't think that's like kind of this like a deadness? Also that's a compliment. Like did he's taking your old word? If you were diddy son and he took the girl that you were dating, say you actually have feelings for her. My dad smashed any one of my girls. That'd be dope. Shut up. I'm talking about a lord. What? He said if my dad smashed any of my girls, that'd be dope. And then I think you said, shut up wack. He was saying to you. If I'm dead, I probably can't be boys. Shut the fuck up. Your mom will hear you. You want to care if your dad smashed? Yes, I will. He's married to my mom. Put it outside of that. You wouldn't care. If my dad wasn't married to my mom and when I try to get my dad some pussy, probably is this and that where everybody like. It's like one bottle of wine. If you guys share liquids and shit like that, that's basically inside. Who's sharing liquids? Y'all are haters, man. So hold on. So you nut it shoots off? No. That's disrespectful. That's disrespectful. Now you're disrespectful. That's disrespectful. Now you're disrespectful. That's disrespectful. Like that? You like, you'll watch this trick. You nut. Okay. Okay. You nut in the condom. The condom fills with cum. Okay. Okay. So now there's liquid on the inside of the condom. So now the inside of the condom can move around very easily. All right. Okay. Now you start to get soft. This girl is still riding, grinding and squeezing. Right? So it gets smaller this way. My dick gets smaller because it's soft. My dick is bigger when it's hard than when it's soft. I didn't know it would get smaller this way. It gets smaller in every way. It gets smaller in every way when it's soft. When it gets soft, it's smaller in every way. I guess so. Your dick is the same size? No. I've never used a condom, but that makes perfect sense. You having the same girth dick erect and soft? That seems weird. That's kind of crazy. Your dick doesn't get small. I don't even know this baby. I didn't tell them. I didn't say anything. So when you get hard, your dick just raises up like the cat hand in the fucking Chinese food spot. That's the same size. It's the exact same size. I'm just saying for it, you make it seem like it was like this. Wax, you were really bodying him earlier and now you're the one looking weird. You ready? Here it is. Mario. Mario eats a mushroom. Mario hits one of the Koopa troopers, whatever like that. Little Mario again. That's it. But you making it seem like it's like, hold on. You making it seem like it goes from like this to like this. What? You have to use the same thing. Exactly. So you make it seem like this to make it like this. Baseball bat to whiffle ball bat. Wax. Yeah. Baseball bat to whiffle ball bat. And now you have liquid on the inside of the condom. So the condom is moving around. Exactly. Before like, like you know how you like don't know how to put on a condom where you don't squeeze the top of it? You know what I'm saying? And then the shit can just like go down and like morph. Your head goes into the fucking thing. You know what I'm talking about? You got to squeeze the top or else you just rip through the fucking condom. Yes. So I feel like I'm talking to someone who's never used a condom. I know you have it. That's how you do it. You never use a condom before? No, my wife and I were just first. So why would we be gay? Shut up. No, for real. Yeah, for real. Like he's the man. Yeah. He did it right. He is really the man. That's why I judge you so much. So I say to you. I say to you. Because I know this guy does not know how to use condoms. Right. I do. What are you talking about? Yo, how much it stays on, Elise? Does it? How many kids do you have? How many kids do I have? I just wasn't using them at all. But I know how to fucking put them shit on. It's a little different, but I hear what you say. How do you put it on? How do you put it on? Just put it on the right way. You just got to, just like you say, a hole right there. What the fuck? What are you doing? What the fuck? It looked like you were peeling a banana. Oh, so I'm going to kind of warn you? No. Damn. God, I want to see. I want to see. No, we need to say to put it on a condom. Not on your penis, on something, on our cautious penis. I'm a whole fiance out here. My girl going to kill me. But just like, you know, I don't know what that moves. I don't know what that is. What are you doing? It's not a banana. Oh, wait. He's trying to say it. What are you trying to say? What? What are you talking about? Because you're doing this. I just don't know what that is. Al? I don't know what's going on. What you mean? I don't know. I don't know what that is. I don't know what it means. I don't know what this is. Are you talking about banana? Because that's what you're peeling. Yeah. This is the same guy who catches his shit in his hand before he uses it. Maybe all his tactics are off. I was feeling really bad about myself earlier, and now I'm fucking redeemed. Redemption. Redemption. This is great. The person who showed me how to put a condom on is probably not the same person who showed you how to put a condom on. Yeah. That is a fact. That's all it is. Now, do they show you how to put a condom on with a condom? Because I don't know what goes like this in a condom. Did you? I just want the chimpanzee and the banana. I think it's the same. Put it on. You just fucking put the shit on. You got to hold it and put it on. But you're doing this. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. You hold it top. I had put it on a long time. You hold it top, and then you roll it down. Yeah. Fuck you. Roll it. Wait, what? Oh, my God. You're not using condoms, son. I use condoms a lot. This guy really not using condoms, bro. No, no, no. This is crazy. Yeah, I said they have way because... You're not using condoms, son. I honestly believe right now you've been stinking bananas into your dick. You've been using them like a fucking plug for the bathtub and you just stick it in. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm trying to figure out what this... Like, why are you doing it twice? Listen, how do y'all wipe your stuff? I bet you it's probably different than mine. Yeah, it's different. Absolutely. It's different than... Open up the condom packet. Take out the condom. Right? Open up the condom packet. Take out the condom. Take out the circle thing. Pinch the top. Right? Put it over your dick. Roll it down your dick. Okay. That's it, right? Yeah, you can go to health. You pinch the top. Do we got a shaft? Do we got a shaft? Show the sperm as a place to go. And if you don't do that, then it's a great machine. Oh, okay. I know. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want it too tight and you don't have to do that because it's not for you to know. Yeah. But... Don't you guys learn this? But you guys didn't learn this in health class? We did. We did. You know what? They were probably putting condoms on bananas in health class. And I think after that, I think you could just use the banana. I think the banana is doing most of the heavy lifting here. I think Wax saw that first step when I peeled the banana and he just was like, ah, I got to peel the condom. Every time, did. Everybody fucked up. This is one of the greatest comebacks I've ever seen. She also was down big. I was down so big. Big in the first cat. I was down so big. Honestly, if you're lying to get me out of this, I really appreciate it. I think you're one of the best friends that I've ever had. No, I'm telling you. Let me see. Let me show you something. This is 3-1 LeBron and the Warriors kind of stuff right here. There we go. All right. Oh my God. All right, go ahead. All right. Let's see you. Let's see you. That was actually a pretty impressive catch on hand. Do we have anything he can put it on? No, no. Before you do it. Put it on. Put it on. Yeah, you can put it on that. Before you do it. Before you do it. I just want to let you know. Show the guys. Show the guys how you put on a condom. Don't open. My man. My man. My man. I'm a fiance. I don't even know if this is okay. I'm asking. Okay. Go. All right. She's been okay with you putting on a condom like that. Boom. Boom. Then you pull it down. What is this and this? Shifty is that. Yeah. Again. Yeah, pull it. Watch this. Martin, have you used condoms with your girl before you once? Did you? I didn't see how it looked in there. That's what it makes you see. Like it's adjustable. Right. You go like this. Right. Okay. Oh no. You guys like this side. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You put it like this, right? Yeah. Yeah. Again, like I said, you got to do this. All the over. Cat. Cat. Cat. He's doing this on one side would never allow the other side to just stay there. It's easier to roll it on both sides. How the fuck would you roll it? What do you mean? Hold it like this and just go like that and roll it down. There's no way you're rolling this like this. You got to put it over the mother fucker. Nah. It's cat, bro. You are. You're lying, bro. You never know. Don't work. Look at him trying to do it. And your dick head is not bigger than that little silver thing. But you got to squeeze this shit. Not squeezing. Go like this and just roll it. Watch. Go like this and just roll. Stop it. Stop it. If the club don't fit, it wants to quit. Let me see. Let me show you how to watch this. Ready? Ready? One, two, three, go. Ready? Come on. Come on. Good job. Hold on. There we go. You bullshit with life. Look at it. You can't even do it. There it is. First off, what size condom is this? What? What size condom is this? Okay. All right. What do you mean what size condom? Look at that shit. You're not fucking nobody. He didn't roll all the way down. That's why you lost the race. Dammit. It took off. So that's what it is. Okay. And if you got a tight pussy Brazilian, then that shit just comes off. Exactly. Adam. Adam. Adam. We had me on a rope. Adam. It's off. It's off. See, it's off. It must have unscrewed my dead cap. One sentence too many dog. One friend's too many. You had it. You had it. I was out. You had it. Max, how you were doing it, though? How long did it take you to put a condom on? It took you mad long. It really don't. It's like you got to hold it, but you squeeze it. Doesn't it explain a lot now? Yes. You can't squeeze that. You can't squeeze that right there. You can squeeze it and just put it on. What are you talking about? Listen. Okay. What else we got? All right. Do you want to do church announcements? Oh, shit. Church announcements. Wax. Hit them. Yes. I got the whoswax.net. Go to there and go get your mask from the whoswax paintball. You go ahead and sign up over there. I got the gun range over there that will be out there really soon. We got Bullying the Beast on Wednesday. I want you all to go ahead and start listening. This week's mad funny. Me and L'Oreal out there talking shit. I'm always in trouble. And, you know, oh, whatever she says is back. And those gummies, whoswax.net, man. We got the gummies and we got the lemonade. Now go ahead and go grab that stuff, man. This marijuana game is actually doing good. I'm in 36 stores in LA. Hell yeah. Let's go. Drop next week that's coming. So, you know. Actually has someone for you too that wants to put your gummies in there. Yeah, dope man. Anybody got gummies in your area in your store, your legal, your CBD? How about me jumping into DMs? Let's do some business. I'll put some money in your pocket. Akash, what do you got? Yo, this Friday I am at the secret group in Houston. We, I think, might have found some more tickets for the first show. We're going to be able to sell some more. Second show still got tickets available. This Tuesday, I'm going to be at New York Comedy Club in Gramercy. I'm doing a night. I got both shows, so come through. And then October 21st through 23rd, I am at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick. On November 6th, I'm at the Red Clay Comedy Festival in Atlanta. Tickets at AkashSing.com, a.k.a. S.H. I'm going to be cancelling actually all my shows as I recover from pain and smart surgery. I'm going to get in trouble. My hand's going to be in trouble. The infamous store. Say what? I'm going to get in trouble. She's smelling my hand. I know. The infamous store. Guys, we are going to be in Las Vegas this weekend. The show's sold out. Thank you so much. Then we're going to be in Louisville and we're going to be in Cincinnati. Still a few tickets left for those shows. Make sure you go get them. TheAndrewShows.com. We added a bunch more shows to the tour, so make sure you check it out. The second show in San Francisco. The second show in Chicago. We also got a second show in D.C. Coming in Indianapolis. Minnesota. We'll be in Jacksonville and Boston for New Years. Go check out all those shows. Get those tickets before they're sold out. Okay. I'm telling you this right now so that you don't hit me the week of. Like, yo, how do I do it? I told you right now. TheAndrewShows.com. Go get that. Thank you so much. Taylor, take it away. For asking an idiot. All right. So here's one for you. I like, you know, I like to, you know, get wax. So who do you think will win in a fight? Wax or John Cena? Wax. Wax. Oh, you're going for wax this time. 100%. Yeah. I don't think John Cena would be able to beat wax up in a fight. I mean, yeah, I don't think, I don't know. I think I'd beat John Cena. Really? I think in a boxing match. Does he have any like boxing training or anything like that? No, a fight. Just a fight. A boxing match. A fight. Oh, it's a great street fight. I mean, he's definitely way stronger than me. He's like a much bigger guy. So if he maybe grabbed me, probably has experience, you know, doing like real wrestling, not the actual wrestling. So if that's the case, probably throw me around or keep me on the ground, but like a boxing match, that kind of, if he doesn't have an experience, then. Yeah. Boxing match fair, but a real fight. Wax and John Cena. I think wax. I think wax. I mean, I don't think John Cena is a, has a background in fighting. He's an entertainer. He's like a theater actor. Do you call wrestlers theater actors? Yeah, it's theater. Is it? Was he a football player at a high level? I know some are like the rock way to be you. I mean, this skill was killed with everything that you do. But the thing is, people don't understand. It's like, I really do this. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I sell everything in the world. Like next, you know, next week I sell puppies. You know what I'm saying? It's just like a wax sell things. He know how to play the piano. He know how to do this. Like what? No, I really, before I do all that stuff, I could like fight the best out of everything I do. Well, what about you? Oh, I meant to ask you for the drinks. You don't drink? I don't drink. I'm gay. Really, I'm no fun. I'm really no fun. Actually, when you get down to it, I'm not a fun time. You're a comedian. How are you not a fun time? That's why I had to get funny because I don't do shit else. There's only one way you're going to hang out with me if I'm funny. I'm not going to drink with you. I'm not going to chase pussy with you. I better have jokes. Yeah, you're right. Let me try to get you to chase pussy with you. That was really your first time? Yeah, me and my wife. We were with each other's first time. I can only get pussy for years. I will only fuck wax. That's why you never got none. Alright, so the Pineapple 22 wants to know, is there anyone you still get starstruck around? Jesus. Yeah, I think Jesus, I'd be starstruck for sure. Jesus is a humble-ass dude. I wouldn't get starstruck around him. That's a regular guy. There's a lot of amazing things. Yeah, you also don't believe in him. I believe in him. I just think he's just, yeah, we believe in everybody. He doesn't believe, that's what makes it so easy. We just believe in all of it. All of it? Yeah, it's all just different forms of the same God. And we say like however you get to the mountaintop, that's fine. Yeah, who would I be starstruck? Obviously, if I met fucking Jesus, I'd be starstruck. Yeah, I think I'm starstruck by people that I'm like, I just respect their talent. So it doesn't matter if they're famous. If there's someone who's really famous, but I don't respect their talent, I could give a flying fuck. But if there are people who I really respect their talent, and they're maybe not even that famous, I just think that they're brilliant, then I would be a little bit more nervous around them. Yeah. I think I'd be starstruck around super famous people. Like the Kardashians, I wouldn't be like, oh my God, but I'd be like, whoa, that's a fucking super famous person. This is crazy. Also, it depends the environment you meet these people in, because a really famous person changes everybody else's energy. Yes. You start acting weird, too. Yeah, and I'm also fascinated by that ability. Like I was at Carbone, I think Drake came in. We don't know who's in the back, but they just started playing. They went from 50s Italian music to straight Drake for like 45 minutes. CLB all the way through. Somebody was smoking weed back there. Like, wow, how are you smoking indoors? And then I'm like, oh shit. And then we tried to take a picture and they were like, no, no, no. Not of Drake, just in general, at the restaurant. They were like, no. So I was like, oh, I think that might, and then you start being like, whoa, this guy changed the whole restaurant. Everything, like imagine being so famous. They just play your shit as soon as you walk in. It just becomes hard to socialize with people when they're so caught up in the famous person in the room. So now you're having a conversation with somebody, but you know that they're really just paying attention to the famous person. You know, so it's not, I'm sure you've experienced this like with guests at breakfast club or even just being around Charlotte. Like you're trying to talk to somebody and that person is so excited that Charlotte's there or that that like famous, you know, person that is in the fucking room and like it's not even a real combo you're having. So that also makes it very hard to be normal in those positions. What do you all think about with Shaq saying that he don't want to be a celebrity anymore? He wants to be a celebrity. The way he worded it is so funny. It's just Shaq being Shaq. I thought that too. I was like, like Shaq doesn't want to be a celebrity. Then you read his statement. Not me, but you know, that's what Skye just say. You know, when you are that, you know what I'm saying? Not me. Me. I'm just saying like. Okay. We get it. We got it. You got it. You got it. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Your dick's huge, bro. No. I just want you to know. Hey, for me to you, dude, your dick is fucking huge. I'm just saying that's what Shaq can say. He know he like wanted to fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, to have a big dick and be faithful is so gay. You're so gay. You're having this monster dick and just using it for one person. That's good. You're wild. You're wild. That's like having a fucking a bus. A 24 passenger. Yo. You just only have one person. What's Travis Scott's daughter? That's you. What's that? Travis Scott had the whole daughter, had the whole school bus for herself to go to school in. Fuck up. That's you. Fuck up. Fuck up, bro. You ain't shit, man. But you know the most famous person? Like I'm drinking a nobody. Big as a regular person, though. But you know who got me most? It was Pops from the Wayne's Brothers. All fucking dudes. More than everybody. You know we see everybody. Like who the fuck happened I seen? I've been in people's houses and shit. All right, boats and parties. Like I'm going to smoke weed. But as soon as I see Pops, I'm like, me and Pops talking and talking shit. Martin, I was really excited to see Martin. People from your childhood. Yeah. Like the Wayne's Brothers was a big show when we were kids. Martin was from the childhood. Yeah. Jerry Springer. My little bang, bang, bang. Yeah. You like Jerry Springer? I couldn't be less. Himmari. He was happy with himmari. Yeah, me and Mory real cool. I told me fuck my life up. Like people have impacted my life. Yeah. I really don't care about everybody else's life. Oh, he's famous. I'm like, he gave me some money? What the fuck he do? Yeah. I remember seeing Madonna at the comedy cellar. And I could care less. But I've never seen like gravity around a human being like that before. Like it was unbelievable. Yeah. People couldn't even talk. I was trying to talk to people in the back table. Right. And like, don't get me wrong. It was exciting seeing someone who was that famous for a second. But like after that, like, let's get back to it. But there was so much fucking energy to this one human being. Yeah. The entire place stopped. And she knows that. Yeah. She knows if she gets up from her table, everybody's looking. Is she leaving? She's door. Yeah. Would y'all want that though? Like that thing? I wouldn't want that. Charles Barkley said that about hanging out with Michael Jordan. He's like, I'm famous. I know famous people, but he said those exact words. When people see Mike, they can't even talk. Yeah. He's like, I've never seen anything like it. And that will warp you. It takes like a real strong internal constitution to not be changed by that. I don't know. Imagine Beyonce. I don't know if anybody's that strong. I don't know. I've heard Beyonce is really nice. Yeah. But I still imagine that's got to change you. Apparently Tom Brady, I just read like a little, there's some book that's coming out about the Patriots. But after the, during the first Super Bowl week, he was like trying to go out to get a drink and berm suit with his boys. And then he like couldn't cause there was too many photographers and you're like, sneak off. And he called his parents after they won and said, and he said, our life is about to change. You're about to change his people. I'm about to change as a person. We're never going to be the same after this. Like he just knew that you're not going to be the same walking out of this. You can't. I know it's got a lot of people that's on you, but what if it was just one person that wants you? Like when you're getting neck and a girl, they really want to have sex with you. Like, is that something to you where you feel like the more people, like which one is more important to you? Like, I'm about to have it famous with all these people or does one person love you like that? I think you're famous with all these people. A lot of them want to fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. But it's probably better to have like one woman. Oh yeah. What's more fulfilling? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. 100%, 100%. Yeah, fuck all of them. Okay. Well, let's keep riding with it because someone wants to know what's the greatest person you ever have met? Who's the greatest person you've ever met? The greatest person I've ever met. Wax and his big ass dick. Wax is dick. Not wax, but just his huge dick. Just how big and massive his dick is. That is the greatest person I've ever met. You gotta have bosses that have all these fucking companies and shit. You gotta have big balls. What? They have all these fucking big balls. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your dick's not just big, but you have huge balls. Dude, dude, dude. Wax, bro. Wax. Here we were disrespecting your balls by just saying that your dick was so big. They only fucking lead these motherfuckers out. They said we fucking companies like that. I'm just saying you have the biggest genitalia that anybody's ever seen. I've never seen it. Right. But on condoms like swim caps, just fucking. I don't even look at it. That was crazy. Do you not even look at it? Like, why would you even look at your dick? It's a dick. Shut up, wax. Like, for real, y'all look at that shit for what? I look at my shit all the time, dude. For what? Why? Wait. What do you do when you look at it all the time? So you look at it at the peak? For what? I love looking at it when I pee. I love looking at it. Love examining it. So when you pee, you don't look straight or look up or look around? Don't you guys usually look down? I'm pretty sure you look down. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you glance at the very least. So if y'all do that, y'all definitely when y'all kiss y'all open your eyes. What the fuck is he talking about? It's not remotely the same thing. It's just like this. You don't want to make sure you're not kissing on the seat? Wait up. So when you start coming out, it just automatically your head go up. It's no way you pissing and seeing the shit go out. Sometimes I do. Why not? Think about it. Yeah. Are you that afraid of being gay that you won't even look at your own dick, Doug? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's just, when you start coming out, it just looks straight. You don't fucking look down and just fucking meet, bro. What? Meet for. Why not? Why not? I think he thinks he's gay. Do you think it's gay to look at your own body? It's just looking at a dick. Are you serious? What is going on? I'm your dick. It's yours. So if you're not in your hand, you're fucking... So you never jerked off in your life? Because if you have, you're giving yourself a hand job. I hate that shit. Can I ask you a question? What? Have you ever had a girl ride in you and then you're about to nut and then you come on yourself? No, I never come to myself. What? You never came on yourself? Shut the fuck up. You're a liar. I never came to myself. You're a liar. I never come on myself more than I've come and when. That's a hundred percent guarantee. Why are you coming yourself back? What the fuck? I just come on my fucking tits. We're all in my stomach, dude. Hundred percent, dude. That's why I don't get why girls have this big deal to y'all. It's like, I'm coming on me too. It's equal. Wait, what's the big deal? Just to get the titties coming on. You know what I mean? Some girls are like, don't come on my titties. I literally never just went crazy and just let it all over myself. No, not crazy. You just thrown it up like that. What I'm gonna do is that are the sheets. I don't like doing laundry. I'd rather wash my belly. Nah. You've never come on your own self? They're lying. I come on myself. That's cat. Oh, you're bugging. No. I've never done it on myself. So where do you nut? You never, where do you pull it? No, no, no, no. All over there, anywhere in the toilet. I just jerk over in the toilet. I'm not jerking off. I'm not jerking off to myself. You get hard off to me yourself? Don't put this on me. Yeah. We never jerk off in there. I never say I was jerking off there. I never say I was jerking off there. You get hard off yourself. You just look in the mirror. I spoke like what? They said like who's what? Who's what? They didn't. What the fuck? He's got to look just like me. He's beaten off too. What a coincidence. This is crazy. All right. I have one more. Yeah. I just lost it, but I forgot the person that said it, but they said, would you date a female you? Well, I did a female me. Dear God. No. Yeah. Nah, nah, nah, nah. God, I don't know. You're gone. You think you're too much to deal with? I will. Oh, shit. I gotta go. Okay. Guys, this has been Brilliant Idiots, okay? What does Charlie usually say? I can't believe I haven't memorized this after seven years. If we said some, you know, smart shit, you think we're brilliant? We said some dumb shit. We're Idiots is the Brilliant Idiots podcast. Thank y'all for listening. Bye.