 And when I got to the point where I'm like, okay, I'm coming at him. I'm about to tell him, like, look, I messed up. Can we start over? It was too late. He was like, look, I care about you. I love you, but I have a girlfriend now and I'm not leaving her for you. And when I tell you tears, I'm like, no, no. I can see Lil Duvall like, city boy is up, five minutes. No. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Cause I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Obviously the goal of these conversations is to reunite black men and black women primarily through understanding. So let's talk. What is it that you are confused about when it comes to black men? What are some things that you have an issue with when it comes to black men? I'll try my best to add context. And then we'll just, you know what I'm saying? We'll just ping pong from there. Okay, okay. So talk to me. Okay, so I'll start off with the, what do I want to understand more when it comes to black men? Black men, I would like to understand what you actually want in a woman because I feel like what you want and what you desire are two different things. And this is why I say that. I feel like what you desire is the physical aspect but what you want is the personality and the character traits of that woman. So what you desire and the characteristics that you would like to go along with what you desire doesn't always line up. So the same way y'all say to us, the type of men we want look a certain way but they don't behave that way. Help me understand why is it like that for you too because you can literally have a, they say when a guy's ready, he's gonna be ready. But with a woman, a woman could be ready or want something but what she desires isn't what she thinks she actually wants. So I'll backtrack to what I was saying. Have you ever thought like, you know, let me take Tom to kind of hear this woman right here out because it might not be what you visualize. Now, let me say if you're a fitness girl and you want someone that's fit, that's completely understandable. But what if she doesn't have, what if you're a fan of like a huge bud or a huge, and she doesn't, she has an amazing frame but it's not like that. Are you okay with that? Because what if everything else check out? But women are not perfect. Just like men don't want to be looked as perfect. We don't either but we're held to a higher standard when it comes to perfection. And I know men can say, well, I don't think that's true because you know, women want us to provide, they want us to do this, they want us to do that. But men want the same things from women just not in that same aspect. So be healthier y'all. Okay, I'm gonna try my best. I like to use like sports analogies, right? So pick a sport, basketball or football? Football. So you know football better? Or like football athletes better? They're kind of handy hands. Okay, Cam Newton, because you're in Charlotte. Everybody wants a quarterback that's athletic like Cam Newton, but accurate and consistent like Tom Brady, right? Cam Newton went, I think Cam Newton was first overall in the draft, right? Now, did his career last as long as Tom Brady? No. Is he going to be a first battle Hall of Famer like Tom Brady? No. Is he gonna be considered the goat like Tom Brady? No. So you have to ask yourself as a woman, do you want to be the first overall pick or do you want to be the goat? And those things are not always synonymous. And I tell people all the time, the reason Tom Brady is the goat is because he doesn't have what Cam Newton has. So Cam Newton's athleticism would be like a woman who's dropped their gorgeous, you know? Because a Cam Newton is athletic, he doesn't necessarily have to understand the playbook like a Tom Brady. He doesn't necessarily have to practice as much as a Tom Brady because he's faster. He can jump higher in the whole nine. But unfortunately, those things that Tom Brady, I mean, I'm sorry, that Cam Newton has, he loses them over time. He's not as fast now as he was when he got in the league. He's not as, you know, he can't jump as high, you know? Whereas Tom Brady's game is one that improves over time, you know, because it doesn't rely on things that diminish over time, it relies on skill, right? So the, I guess the lesson for women is in a perfect world, we want both, right? We want to say lady in the streets, freaking the sheets. We want a baddie who also has a personality. In reality, we know that there is a, there's a trade-off, right? And typically the best that you can get as a man, mostly in life, it's gonna be like an eight. If you get really lucky, you can get a nine. But when you start getting to nine and 10 territory, they usually cuckoo. They usually don't have a personality because they've never had to, right? They usually don't, can't communicate well. They usually, you know, don't want to settle because they've always had things given to them. So I say all that to say, if you are a woman of substance and you're not relying on things that mother nature's gonna take away, you can still win, but you have to develop the skills, the jump shot, you know, crossover. You know, whereas the other girls who might get picked first, they're not gonna be in the lead five, 10 years from now, right? So my only kind of advice to women is to understand the skills that you are improving and why. But if y'all just keep competing based on who's the baddest bitch, you're gonna lose. But if you understand, I may not be the baddest, but boom, I could point to a man, boom, I'm agreeable. This, this and that, you will win. But in a perfect world, men want both. But when we get to the age that we are ready to settle down where we've gotten it out of our system, kind of like you alluded to, all the fat ass, big titties stuff, it doesn't matter as much, you know? I'm 29, but I'm getting to that age where the shit don't even matter as much, right? It's just about, you know what I'm saying, what kind of energy do you bring to my life, you know? More than just how you look, how do you move? How do you smell? You know, again, these are the jump shots and the crossovers, whereas the bad bitches, they just getting off of how they look, but they might stink for real. When you get close to them, they breath might be bad. You know what I'm saying? They might sound like Kevin Gates when they start talking. You know what I mean? Yeah, so a woman can compete, but she has to understand what is the goal. Okay. I hope that made sense, because I went all over the place. No, no, that's no difference than how I'd be when I be talking. No, it makes sense. It makes sense. Okay, so what about that woman? Okay. Who actually do possess both, then what? Because they're out there. Sure. I've been told that I have like a goofy, fun personality, but then I also can sit down with someone and have an intellectual conversation. I do like the cook. I can clean. I like- Oh, you about to get a shit ton of DMs. I don't mind being nurturing, and I don't think anyone who's ever experienced that, part of me can never say it is not valid. So now, because there are women like that. Yeah. But why is it that when a woman like that is presented, then a man automatically feels like it does not exist? Because, well, two things. Number one, sometimes those women tend to be janitors. And I did a video a while back, a while back, about different personality types and how, and I call them the janitor personality type. They like to fix people. All right, they like to rehabilitate. They like to go into a bathroom and clean it to make it better than it was when they got there. So that's number one. Some of those people that you're alluding to, for whatever reason, they seek out projects and they validate themselves based on their ability to repair or to clean, right? The other thing that tends to happen is, unfortunately, it might be an age thing too. Like if you're a woman in your early 20s, most of them get your age, they're not really, you know what I'm saying? They're not really trying to settle down. But when you start getting into the late 20s. We're the same age. Yeah, when we start getting into like the later 20s, when we start getting into like the 30s and shit like that, that tends to be a situation where, unfortunately, those women aren't used to a good man. You know what I'm saying? Like I've had women even on the show say that, yeah. Because I'm so used to chaos, even though I'm a great woman, but because I'm so used to chaos, when I'm with somebody or in a situation where it's peaceful, it's too quiet. It's ominous almost. I end up holding my breath like, what's gonna happen? Because for the last 20, 30 years, I've been used to, what's this nigga about to do now? Or what do I have to bail him out of? Or what do I have to prepare for? And that becomes kind of your comfort zone in a weird way. So I would tell those women to kind of start with yourself and figure out, are you a fixer-upper? Why aren't you attracted to or attracting the male version of you're the good dude who's ready to settle down in the whole nine? And then kind of ask yourself, do you actually want that? Because you might just like the idea of it, but you might not actually want to be all these things that you're saying. I actually don't disagree with you. So you made a very, very valid point on something because I used to do that. I used to do the same thing and I wanted to realize that you have to stop. The fixing. Fixer-upper, yeah. So and one of, I don't know if I talked about this in one of the episodes, but growing up I was always taught to fix things even if I didn't break them. Even if I didn't mess it up, go apologize. Go say sorry, go do what you have to do. Be the bigger person, it was always that. So I realized as I got older that kind of transferred into my dating life and I would attract men that were broken and I felt the need to try my best to fix. But I wasn't fixing because I wanted power. I wanted to fix to show them that there is somebody that cares about you that won't throw your secrets in your face. I was trying to be- Go ahead and leave me like everybody else. I was trying to be that person that was patient that God saved like, hey, we be at our roughest moments and women don't stick there by us. And I tried to stick there. Oh, we gotta talk about that. Yeah, I tried to stick there. You gotta talk about that. But I'm not, I can give a person tools but I can't fix everything. First. And you're gonna, I wanted to realize that I tried to fix so much that in turn I was breaking myself down. So then that's where self esteem problems come in. So now it's like you've been hurt by the people that you're trying to fix. And like you said, you don't recognize that good person because I had that person in my life. You remember that day I was telling you I don't regret a lot, but this particular guy, I mean, it didn't matter what I went through. He was so supportive, so supportive. Do you need anything? And I did not treat him how he should have been treated at the time I didn't. I was so busy trying to fix other people but it was breaking me that I couldn't see. I didn't see his value at the time. I could be real, I didn't see his value. And it wasn't until I start maturing and learning and I wound up realizing, wow, like he was an amazing person. Still is an amazing person. And when I got to the point where I'm like, okay, I'm coming at him. I'm about to tell him like, look, I messed up. Can we start over? It was too late. He was like, look, I care about you. I love you. But I have a girlfriend now and I'm not leaving her for you. And when I tell you tears back, I was like, no, no. I can see little Duvall like, city boy is up five minutes. I know, no, but that was my fault. That was my fault. No, I wasn't in the most hill place, but the same time if I look at it in a woman aspect, we like, you know, guys, we going through stuff and we wanna be there. But they don't cherish us. Sometimes it could be if you don't love yourself at that moment or value yourself at that moment. How you gonna value this person? And that was the lesson that I learned because I wasn't value myself. So when I got to someone who did value me and saw everything that I wanted someone to see, I didn't know how to receive it because I was still confused with them myself. So I agree with you. I agree with you. Now what I can say is for a woman, we have to turn off the fixing. It's a difference between fixing and being submissive. Being submissive is catering and loving your man based off of the love that he's also pouring to you. So now you're all pouring into each other, not dealing with someone who has trauma issues. You know he has trauma issues and you're trying to prove to him that someone can love you, you can't. It doesn't matter. You could cut off your leg and to him, he's still not gonna understand it because why would you cut off your leg from me? I didn't actually do that. So that's when you come across narcissists. So you gotta kind of lay your option. So I don't disagree with that. So let's talk about that because I hear that a lot and it's interesting because on one hand, we have to recognize black men have received a bad deal. So it is important that our women are riding for us in the whole night. I think unfortunately our women don't understand that that fixing shit is actually masculine. It's actually masculine energy. Women are called to, if you look at it, biblically be a help me. They're called to nurture. And nurturing a seed and planting a seed are two different things. Nurturing is watering, right? So you can either be watering a seed that's healthy or you can be watering a dead plant. And unfortunately, what I see a lot of women do is they fall in love with not the man that he wants to become, but the man that she wants him to become, right? And I think what we feel realizes, even if he becomes that guy that you want him to be, he'll always resent you. Because for instance, let's say he wanted to be a doctor and you want the nigga to be a lawyer, he might become a lawyer, but he's not gonna be a very happy one. So instead, unfortunately, of our women trying to mold men, which is a masculine thing, I think it's a lot better to figure out where a man wants to go and if that's in line with what you want for your life. So if you aspire to be the wife of a famous rapper, then hell yeah, get you a SoundCloud nigga. You know what I'm saying? Get you a SoundCloud nigga, y'all can team up. You know what I'm saying? Boom, boom, boom. But if you want a man who's like a business owner and he's this, this and that, find you somebody who is on that path. Because at the end of the day, to your point, if he doesn't love himself, he can't love you. If he doesn't respect himself, he can't love you, right? So I know in a way that kind of means that damn, a lot of black niggas ain't gonna get no play. But at the end of the day, there are a lot of men who are solid men, a lot of black men, like we're talking about the passport bros now who are leaving the country because they see women choosing to more so invest in aspiring SoundCloud artists than in software engineers or an astrophysicist, whatever the case might be. So I think our women have a huge power to change that narrative, but we have to stop trying to mold. You're not that strong, I promise. I agree. We're strong, but you can't. I mean, think about, even as a woman, if we don't wanna do something, we're not gonna do it. So we can't expect that from men. But since you said that, I seen a post that was talking about, would you rather a man who makes like $50,000, $50,000 a year and is nine to five type of guy that goes home, go to work and comes home, or would you rather like a scammer who you can flip the money and get money back for he has the fast life? And I was so amazed by how many of us would rather go with the scammer because of the fast money. It's not that. You don't. You know what it is? The image? Partly, but in a lot of dudes have been sensing this for a while, but we have been reduced to handbags. We've been reduced, as men, we've been reduced to an accessory. So it's about, it's not about what can we build. It's about how can you serve me? So in the analogy with the scammer, the scammer can do more for you in a shorter amount of time. And the ideas that men are disposable, so fuck with, if he goes to jail, get killed, whatever the case may be, fuck that. I get to be on yachts in Dubai on a beach. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's really more of what it's about. It speaks to the fact that our women these days don't actually think we are necessary. They actually don't think we serve any other purpose outside of what we can do for her. I don't disagree. And it's sad as fuck. Because men feel it, men feel it. Yeah. It's disheartening to know that you would rather, because even if they have the fast life, all that money, those yachts, that's going in real soon. So. But I'll go into the next one. Yeah. Because even think about the disposable, men are just, because even think about like, and that's why I have such a problem with me as somebody's son. Like literally, I'm not a human being. I'm just somebody's son. I give me another somebody's son. So again, we're just a placeholder. We're just a filler. We're just somebody to help you look good, help you make your friends jealous, help you feel validated, help you create this image to the world that somebody wants me, a man with money wants me, big ballers won't me and this and that. But him as a person, I give a fuck. I get another one. And that's what, that's what's sad because most men, we're not articulating that, but we feel it. We feel it. Like, yo, I'm just here to fulfill her fantasy. I'm a placeholder for her. I'm a handbag. Y'all, all women don't feel like that. I just want to let you know. Not all women, but I see it. So I can't disagree because I'm questioning it. Like, so you're a brother. I actually had like a homeboy that, you know, know about that whole life. And he like, man, you don't want nobody that can fly you out. And I was like, why would I fly out with somebody I don't know, why would I do that? Why would I just, just because you have money and you hit me up and say, hey, let me fly you out. It just made me realize how many out of the women that I said no, but how many would actually say yes, because a person wouldn't feel comfortable asking questions like that. If guess wasn't a more frequent answer for him. So when you actually say no, it's like, I mean, what do you mean you don't want to, it's like, I don't know you. Why would I, why would I, we have no chemistry. I don't know what you're about. I don't know what type of people you hang around. I don't know what kind of friends you have. I don't know how your parents are. Like, how do you talk, how do you treat women? But it's so many of us who just fly out that the women who do have expectations or boundaries. Guys, look at us be like, we're, we're disposable too. Like, okay, you, I could just get another female. Right, right, right, right. And it's like. It's a vicious cycle. Right, because it's the same, I was telling you this before, the same thing that women are doing to men, men are doing to women, we're doing it to each other. But we're blaming the other person, oh, women do this, oh, men do this. If it wasn't for y'all, then we didn't, we wouldn't be like this. If it wasn't for y'all, then we wouldn't act like this. And it's like, at what point are people gonna start taking accountability for their actions because we do it to each other. Like, men don't wanna be disposable, women don't wanna be disposable, but we dispose each other for other races, for other feelings, for substitutions, for voids. And then now we're just leaving each other hurt. Like, it's not fair. It's definitely not fair to the men. I can relate when it comes to being disposable because I've been a person being disposed. So, and I still try to try, but men it's okay to just give up too. Like, you don't have to try so hard. If I'm starting to realize and learn and value more of a person, that if you can sense and feel there's a person that's not value to you. Yeah, right, right. And unfortunately, like, as much as I don't necessarily co-sign like the passport bros and the Save Yourself Black Man movement, I get it. Because the idea is that black women as a collective do not value us. Black women as a collective do not respect us. And unfortunately, it even boils down to the whole, like, weight thing, right? Because a lot of men feel like, and I don't know if we're articulating it, but we feel like you being the size of Lizzo or you being the size of a fucking NFL linebacker is all you think I deserve. I busted my ass to school. I'm now making six figures. I'm now a great man. And this is all you feel like I deserve. You looking the way that you look, you acting the way that you act. This is all you feel like I deserve. When it's a bitch in Brazil on her knees every day praying to God for a man half of me. I get it. That's why it's hard for me to even continue, I guess, this beef with them because I get it. And I've been trying to explain that to women, like even with the weight thing, like men, literally men's number one driving force is improving themselves enough to have the ability or the opportunity to mate, right? So our woman should be our trophy. A woman should be the manifestation of how great I am. And collectively, it's like our women are saying, this is all y'all niggas deserve and you should be happy about it. Shit hurt, man, it hurt. Even if it's not even like a romantic situation, like I've had dudes DM me and like, yeah, even the cashier at the grocery store, even the cashier at the clothing store, like they talk to me like I ain't nobody. And it's like, what she doesn't realize is that I'm all the shit that women on Instagram say they want. I make six figures, I'm six foot tall, the whole nine. But it's like, just based off the fact I'm black and I'm male, my default assumption of you, sir, is that you ain't shit. And I will address you accordingly.