 W-E-A-F, New York, 8.30 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime, Boulevard, official timepiece, American Airlines. A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess that Avalons cost you less. So why not always travel on? This is Del King saying welcome to Avalon time with Radio's red-headed ragamuffin, Richard Redd, Skelton, Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, the four pups, Bud Hercules, Vandover, the Avalon chorus, and Bob Strong and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with this a hundred to one. Popular prices for your cigarettes simply because you think that's the only way to get the quality you demand. Well, think this over. Avalon cigarettes are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality, but cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Yes, Union-made Avalons are guaranteed highest quality. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette regardless of price, regardless of brand. Avalons are the cigarettes that give you both outstanding quality and exceptional economy. Try a pack tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. When some men overtax their brains, they have a nervous breakdown. Others start cutting out paper dolls, but our pink-painted Pagliacci just edits headline hokum. And here he is, that streamlined, streamlined redhead scarehead hunter, Red Skelton. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and now for the news. Cincinnati, Ohio. The New York Yankees win the World Series again. Poor guys are just in a rut. See, the way those Yankees tour around the bases, you'd have swore the guy behind home plate was Carol Lombardi. All five of those Cincinnati Reds, though, after the last game they just sat around and hung their annuities. $4,000 a piece. Chicago, Illinois. Disney Dean will probably manage a Hollywood baseball theme next year. If anything goes wrong, I suppose the news items will read, Hollywood releases a new talking pitcher. News from New York and California. Both world's fairs are scheduled to close soon. Gee, think of all the jokes that'll throw out of work. See, the fairs were really beautiful, though. No kidding, they're all together different than what it was when I was back home in Vincenzo. We used to go out to the county fair and everybody would say, what time's the balloon go up? Nowadays, when you go to the fair, they say, what time's the bubble dancer take off? Milwaukee, Wisconsin. A mother of a three-year-old child says that she should have known better than to marry a chiropractor. Already, her kid's starting to talk back. Hollywood, California. A new pitcher is released called Mr. Smith. Goes to Washington. Must be a slow-motion picture. Mr. Smith started for Washington in 1928. And here's something that just came in. It's something from our one-hand department. Louisville, Kentucky. Wanted a funny comedian. Hey, how about that? Sounds pretty good. A comedian wanted for a big program. Phone, cipher, ought, ought, ought, double ought, ought nothing in Louisville. And asked for Mr. Avalon. Yeah, he wouldn't dare. Well, I guess that takes care of the news for tonight, so I'll pick up the copy I've copied and pick my way out of here while Dick Todd sings to you. And I do mean you. Hurt and my love, I'll bring sunbeams from heaven above to you. To me, you're an angel, and you mean the world to me. I'll be far and the shadows on high. When your kiss was a real inspiration to greater things. My dreams, I'm so thankful and grateful to say, came through. I owe it all. Big waves was a real inspiration to greater things. My dreams, I'm so thankful and grateful to say, came through. Way the hair that looks almost natural. But I must say, Dick, that your new page boy hairdo is simply ravishing to me. May I have those wigs, a dig, Skeleton? I love telling people that this program is now in the lap of the Todd's. That has nothing to do with it. I repeat. Oh, you repeat, huh? A bicarbonate baritone, folks. Well, let me tell you something, crumb. The word is chump. OK, chump. Just a raffle on one shoe of cutting remarks, cut out. Those sharp barbs of half width. Spongebob, Spongebob. So he thinks my remarks sting, eh? That's not the word he used. Let me tell you something, Toad. Just a minute here. Just a minute here, you two. Why can't you fellows be friends? Well, he started it. When he came on the program, I offered him my hand and he gave me a hot foot. And by the way, uh, by the way, did you, uh, did you have a good time at the World Series, Rhett? Did I? Did I? Is there anybody here from Cincinnati? Say, you should have seen that game, Del. I saw the little man who wasn't there. He played for the Reds. For the Reds, Rhett? Who is he? He's the guy that hit their home runs. Saw your uncle after the game. He must have liked the way the series turned out. Yeah, he sure did. After the last game, he started a Yankee celebration. He took four straights. Oh, Rhett, uh, how's that new apartment you took with your uncle? Oh, it's kind of a dopey place. They call it the Villa Nova Cane. Wow. How do you bachelors get along without that feminine touch? Oh, we have the feminine touch, don't we? We have a Lady Landlord. Do they ask much for rent? They ask every day, but they don't get it. Now listen, Miss Stillwell, you just act as my secretary. That's a nice job, acting as secretary to a screwball who's not acting. Say, you look as if you could use some sleep. Well, me? Why, every night at 9 o'clock, I'm put to sleep by the Sandman. Yeah? Well, last night, he must have left a couple of sandbags under your eyes. Those are not bags. My cheeks are just flabby. I can't be bothered anyhow. I'm waiting around here for my tailor. I'm warding some new fall wardrobe. Look, can you make this suit for me? Do you like that material? I read that looks to me like genuine Harris burlap. Yeah. It's genuine shark skin. Shark skin? Yeah. I thought I smelled fish. Yeah. Ganging up on me again. It ain't fair! No fair, no fair. Stop whaling, Grover. Yeah. I'm not going to bother my time with you folks around here. I wish my tailor'd get here. That's probably him now. Boy, the only one that don't give raps on this program is the Sandman. Let's try it again, will you? That must be him now. Come in. I'm glad you got... Well, are you the tailor? Well, I ain't skip a rally. Oh, heaven's yes, Mr. Skelton. And can I weave a yarn? Weave a yarn, huh? You don't sound like a tailor, herky. You sound like a corn broker. Oh, gee, that's clever. Well, let's not waste any time. I'm here to give your clothes the needle. Well, you're just a few minutes late. The cast has already beat you to it. Well, let's see. I've got some brand new material, checkered rubber. Checkered rubber? Yes, would you like a rubber suit with bouncing checks? And knowing how you wear your trousers, Mr. Skelton, I'm making you some real fancy pants with beaded bags at the knee. Well, first, I'd like to discuss those uneasy payments. Uh, how much are you going to charge me? Oh, my goodness, don't worry about the price. There's only one price during my Republican sale. Republican sale? Well, haven't you heard about my Republican sale? Oh. Everything's going for 1940. Well, I guess I'll take your measurements now. Okay. Let's say, uh, neck below the chin. Chest, downfold. Waste of good material. Thigh, knee, calf, back. All present. The measurements. What a happy-looking shroud that's going to be. Well, where do you see the style? I can either drape it, droop it, or drip it or drop it. Well, I've got to go now. I'm working on a new streamlined bustle for women. A streamlined bustle? Yeah, it makes them get around faster, and I'm going to call it the hustle bustle. Ain't ol' Herky a so-and-so, huh? Say, Skelton, is your name really Richard? Yeah, Dick, it's just the same as yours. Then we really shouldn't be ribbing each other. Oh, that's right. Say, you mean, uh, we ought to pull together? Exactly. Let the three riches dominate this program. Three riches? Well, that's... But who's the other Richard? Well, don't you get your jokes from the poor Richard's almanac? Yeah. Nice of you, Dick. Well, you're Bob. The most champion Bologna Eater said? Well, he said... I'll push him down to 100 pounds of bologna in 90 minutes to 45 seconds. That's a lot of bologna. I'll push him down to my cigarettes, of course, to one third with the Avalon. That's a lot of bologna. Yes, friends, it is absolutely true. You can save plenty of money by switching to Avalon cigarettes. Avalons cost 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular price brands. But judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalons cost you less. Give Avalon cigarettes a trial tonight. It's time to present Dick Todd again. This time with the Avalon chorus. But first, we have a distinguished guest here tonight, and it's my privilege to introduce him over the air. Mr. Richard B. Gilbert, editor of the leading musical publication metronome. Mr. Gilbert. Thank you, Del King. Friends, I wish to pay the respects of my publication metronome to one of the members of your cast. For his ability as a vocalist, both on phonograph records and on the air, it is my pleasure to present to Dick Todd this silver plaque metronome's special award for Outstanding Merit during 1939. To you, I dick. Thank you, Mr. Gilbert. I certainly do appreciate this high honor, and I hope I may continue to keep up the high standard of metronome that it has set for me. Thank you again. At this time, we really do present Dick Todd in the Avalon chorus in a song that sings of a memory most all of us cherish, the old milhuyo. It's a life, a short playlist about things that really happen, things that you do and that I do, in fact, everybody does, and tonight's slice of life is about the trouble we go to to see a baseball game. You set the scene, Del. Okay, Red, the time the day before the last big series game, the place and office somewhere in your hometown. Red Skelton plays the part of a young man about the wrong side of town, and he just won free tickets for the big game in a raffle. Edna Stillwell, who plays the part of Red's girl, got him the same way. Listen. So happy about it. I just won two tickets for the World Series in a raffle. Honestly? Yeah, I pulled my ticket out three times in a row. I thought the way they ran those raffles was to have a little girl come up and pick out the number. Yet they do, and everybody said I look very cute in my Shirley Temple wampoom. Say, would you like to drive down to Cincinnati and see the ball game? Oh, Richard, I think it's sweet of you to ask me. And I'm just dying to see someone throw a field goal over home plate. Did the boss say it was okay to take the day off? Yeah, I told him I was going to my great-grandmother's funeral. Did he fall for it? Yeah, he said he's sorry he couldn't see Derringer pitch the sermon. Well, come on, let's get out of here. Boy, am I getting sick of this office. Why? Oh, that clock on the wall keeps staring at me all day. Well, let's go. We're off to the ball game. Yeah, boy, if they seats good on a clear day, you can see the color of the field. Boy, it was never up so high in my life. Look out, look out, took your head. Huh? What was it? Buck Rogers. Funny man, I knew it was an airplane, but what's he doing flying so low over the world series? He's dropping pamphlets for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Oh, look at all those little boys down there in short pants. Edna, those are the ball players. Well, what are they going to play? Marbles? That depends on who's pitching. Oh, there's Red Ruffing. Boy, he just watched that guy. What a showman. Before the game, he usually throws a screwball over the fence. Aren't you glad you're out of reach? Yeah. Look at that man surrounded by all those policemen down there. Oh, he's the umpire. It won't be long now. He's dusting off the plate. Oh. Oh, so that's why there's big crowds here. It's this night. Uh-oh, here we go, batter up. Who's the first batter? Oh, it's Crossetti. Green Knight, get him while they're hot. You can't enjoy the ball game without P. Knight. I can enjoy the game without you, though, brother. How's that again? Little man. Come on, get going. We don't want any peanuts. We just want you to move so I can see. What's the matter, brother? Don't you want to see someone make a living? Well, in your case, no. Oh, one of them capitalists, huh? Huh? All you got to do is watch the ball game. Friends, you have to see some poor slobber. You can gent make a few bucks. Oh, now, five down, fellow. I like to see everybody working. Oh, a slave driver. Well, how much are your peanuts? Ten cents. Oh, here. Ten cents. Thanks. Oh, don't forget my change. Oh, I won't. I'll always cover you next to my heart. Goodbye, plunger. Well, I'm glad that's over. Look, the sign says it's the third inning. Oh, that's, well, third inning? What happened to the first two? I guess they went the way of the Indians. Here they are, folks. The official baseball book of 1939. All the batting averages and 700 illustrations. Say, what am I? The man in the iron mask. I can't see a thing. So what happened? What happened? I don't know. Hey, book of the month. Come here. How many, brother? Look, I'll buy two of them if you'll get out of my way. How much are they? Well, I know you won't believe it, brother. But this little book is free. Yeah. But there's a small $2 coverage off. That's for a facial baseball. Oh, look. It's the sixth inning already. I haven't even seen a good argument. Say, what's that fellow standing behind a catcher with his hand up for? Does he have to... No, Edna. No. It's the umpire. Now we're going to see some action. Free. Absolutely free. A bun with every hot dog. Get your hot dog. Hot dogs, they are guaranteed. Not to rip, tear, shrink, fade or pull up the seam. Yeah. Clinging Sam is back again. Are those skinless? Nope. I always look this way. It's been being out in the sun too long. How many, brother? Oh, stop pushing. Oh, pardon me, sister. I didn't see you crouching there. What are you doing after the game? Oh, wait a minute. This is the last straw. No, it ain't, charm. I got plenty. What color? Now, don't get excited, Richard. I think I know how to get rid of this indigestion peddler. Hey, Jackson. How about meeting me at the main gate after the ball game? Okay, girly. Do you think you can ditch your little brother? Yeah. I ain't her little brother. See, after the game, sweetheart. Well, if he thinks I'm going to meet him after the game. He doesn't mean you. Oh, oh, oh. Let's see what's happening down there. Oh, there's the wind up. There's the pitch. Strike threes out, Adam. Hey, why is everybody leaving? Oh, it's probably just the seventh hit. Hey, well, gee, the ball game's over. I want my money back. I didn't see a thing. I don't even know what the score is. Ah, you're just self-conscious. What does the scoreboard say? Doyle's guarders. Well, here I am, folks. Hey, what's the matter with little Audrey? Somebody swipe his pops, they go. Now, listen, you've ruined my whole afternoon. Maybe the least thing you can do is tell me what the score is. I don't know, so it's playing. Yeah. Now, that settles it, brother. I'm going to fix you right now. I'm going to punch you in the nose. OK, brother. You ask for it. Oh! You come back here. Well, he's gone, and it's a good thing, too, for Richard. Richard, are you all right? Yeah, I'm all right. Gee, isn't it wonderful back on the farm? Farm? What makes you think you're back on the farm? I've just been plowed under. A word to the ladies. You, ladies, are known as shrewd, careful buyers. You shop before you buy, saving several cents here and several cents there. And those repeated savings mount up to real money. You know that to be a fact. Then why not apply this same smart thinking to your cigarette buying? Avalon cigarettes guarantee you highest quality, but cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. And that repeated saving means many, many extra dollars every year. So the next time, try Avalon cigarettes and save the difference. And it was quite a divertisement. Divertisement. That's French for clam bake, folks. By the way, do you think the program gets over as well on Wednesdays Red? Do I? Well, according to all reports last week, people were laughing for an hour after we left the air. Oh, kid. Sure. Fred Allen came on right after it. Well, good night, everybody. See you next week. Goodbye now. Remember, friend, during the week when you asked for Avalon cigarettes. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess. But Avalons cost only 10 cents, plus city or state tax. Enjoyed our show. And be with us next Wednesday night at the same hour when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skeleton, Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, and the entire gang in Avalon time. This is Del King saying good- Special announcement for pipe smokers. Men smoke the tobacco that's recognized everywhere as the quality pipe tobacco of America. That tobacco is Sir Walter Raleigh. Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the Army. The Navy. On American college campuses. Yes, everywhere you find men who know quality smoking. If you paid $100 a pound, you couldn't get finer quality tobacco than Sir Walter Raleigh. Yet it costs no more than ordinary tobaccos. This is the national broadcasting company. W-E-A-F, New York.