 You are about to witness an epic Tarot Magnus reaction. What's happening Magnus Sikes? Sooo, you have been begging me, and begging me to watch wrestling isn't wrestling. Alright, so what I'm going to do is, I'm going to post the link in the description box, okay? So you can click the link, open the page, and you can watch it with me. Because it's kind of long, and I just, I'm not sure about making this a reaction video with the video in it, okay? The guy here says he's not monetizing or anything, so maybe it's got footage that I'm not really allowed to show without getting copyright strikes or something like that. I don't know, so what I'm going to do is, like I said, click the link in the description, set it up for yourself, alright? Pause it, so you can watch with me, alright? And when I say 1, 2, 3, we're going to watch this together, and then you will be able to see my reaction for the whole video, okay? This will probably be the only reaction video I'll upload today that is so damn long, and I've been working all day. So, let's get this in, and I will probably stop at one point or pause it when it gets to the 20 minute mark, because my camera cuts off at 20 minutes and then starts recording another segment for another full 20 minutes, alright? Are you ready? I said, shut up! I said, are you ready? Yeah, alright then. Woo! Let's get this on. Right there! 1, 2, 3. No, it's fake, right? Yeah, we, of course we know, just like every other fucking TV show. More real than any other TV show. WWE Raw features live, death-defying stunts performed in front of an audience of thousands every week. Absolutely true. People who feel they're meant to tell you that wrestling isn't real, clearly don't watch wrestling, because the show features an undead wizard, leprechauns, an evil group of male cheerleaders. This show does not pretend to be an athletic competition. She does! Instead, it's a TV show about a wrestling show. It has more in common with Game of Thrones than it does with UFC. And if you follow one character all the way through, you can see that this format allows the telling of interesting, diverse and compelling stories. And there's no better place to start than with probably my favorite wrestler, Triple H. Ah, the game! The character Hunter Hearst Helmsley is introduced in the mid-90s. Basically this snobby, Connecticut blue blood character, he's from a super-rich family. Someone who his whole life has just been told that you're the best. And for reasons we don't really understand, he's just a professional wrestler. So like this fancy, pretentious guy rolls up his sleeves and he gets in there. I was just about to talk about the Ultra Warrior. Hunter Hearst Helmsley is just getting his ass kicked week in, week out. At around the same time, a guy named Shawn Michaels is off the top of the mountain. He's a main eventer, he's challenging for the heavyweight title. He's kind of been a feminine, male stripper, gy-raining, pretty boy, weirdo. He and Triple H kind of become friends. He moves his leg around. Shawn Michaels goes to Triple H and says, I have a plan to get us both to notice. Are you ready? And it's a crazy fucking plan. They get this big moon woman called China, a big pop-out like, Oh, suck it! Suck my dick! Yeah, what up? Wrestling's all rated now, tinny dick, suck a vagina! These two guys are going crazy on live television. Ooh, look at my butt, my butt can talk. Ooh, I'm gonna take out my balls and see what happens. There haven't been characters like this. No, completely changed. Suddenly all the kids watching it were like, Suck it! They're talking about sucking dick! Right on TV! Call me, call me. I'm gonna say suck it to all of my friends. $5 for the dick-sucking t-shirt, please. So these two idiot douchebags were on a fowl of Stone Cold Steve Austin. And Stone Cold beats the ever-living shit out of Shawn Michaels. Shawn Michaels disappears. And that's the bottom line. Oh, my neck hurt. My back hurt. My back. And for the first time, Triple H is alone at the top of the card. This is the very time. He reinvents himself. He was holding me back! I can become world heavyweight shit! I get a jean jacket. And put a leather jacket on top of that. Right at the time that wrestling is filled with some of its most memorable characters. But raw. Guys like the raw Stone Cold Steve Austin. Yes. Mankind. Yes. Jericho, the biggest ass kickers of the generation. Triple H is buried under a pile of people who are better than him. He needs to figure out a way to change the game. Because even though he's like a vicious psychopath. He's wearing that dumbass hat. I hate that hat. He's not quite as tough as the really tough guys. I think it's fair to describe him as a B plus player. So what does he do? He finds a bunch of losers. He like finds them on the side of the road. And they're just idiots. It's pop. It's doing good. Of Mr. Ass. My thing is I have a butt. Well, I'm the road dog. My thing is I spell my name. And I'm Edge Pop. My thing is... Yep. Like Sean's real personality versus the next pop. I think he can really get over his regular personality. He can degeneration X with me. The guys are like, titty-titty suck of vagina. We love degeneration X. Triple H is like, yeah, you're my bodyguards now. He builds an army. He's turned what was a friggin' movement in wrestling into a group of stormtroopers who he pushes in front of him whenever a real fight comes around. When having an army isn't enough to really secure a kingdom, you have to get the princess. So he gets Stephanie McMahon, the daughter of the owner of the company. Kidnaps her, drugs her, and marries her while she's passed out. Uh-huh. How do you marry someone without their consent? Shouldn't he go to jail for kidnapping a woman and drugging her? These are questions that you don't have to ask because wrestling isn't real. That's true. Triple H repeatedly wins the title of guys who could kick his ass. The thing is, whenever people are about to beat him for the title, you've got this group of, like, puddies from Power Rangers and DX shirts. I hated Triple H. So much back then. He wanted to be the working yield, like Ric Flair. Kid, oh, he did such a good job. I hated him so much. The longer he's still irrelevant, though, I really started... Triple H is like, why? To respect his game, that character. That's why he's one of my favorites of all time. Triple H is like, I'm the best at wrestling. The audience is like, get the tomato! I'm annoyed about his own guys that he takes them out one by one and allies with Stephanie McMahon. Triple H is like, but I kidnapped you. You love me now? He's like, yeah, I've been super evil the whole time, basically. He's like, no way, that's awesome! DX is dead, but Triple H is now a corporate champion at the top of the company. What's important to remember here is that the way this guy originally got power was by saying, fuck you to authority. Then he became the authority. He's got it, he won't let go. In Triple H's mind, this object is everything that he isn't. He wants that power, he wants people to cheer him, he wants them to know he is the best. You know it took me months to realize that he really made a gimmick out of spitting that damn water. Triple H is now being pursued by dozens of guys. He made spitting water cool. So Triple H does what he does best. I almost took it as his way of spitting fire. Like a dragon. I really do that's what it kind of looks like to me. His skin is basically leather. He's a disgusting old goober who yells weird. He's awesome, just trust me, he's awesome. Sometimes when you describe something, it doesn't sound awesome, but then you'll face mountain and ride. Triple H scouts out this total lunatic snake-like psycho named Randy Orton. I like to hurt old people. Harry Potter. Triple H is like, this seems like a guy I could trust. The final brick in the wall is Batista, a ripped ass kicker who's more brawn than brains and Triple H can order to destroy almost anyone on the roster. For nearly three years, Triple H holds on to that title like Gollum with a fucking ring. He can't let it go because if you are about to get in Triple H, surprise, there's Ray Flair. Oh, turn around, it's Randy Orton. Yeah, okay. Batista will throw you off the surface of the earth and into space and you'll hit the moon and go through the moon and go to space and die. That's real, that happened. This group called Evolution. They're a little craps. Ray Orton is a crazy person, but Batista has a serious rage problem and Rick Flair is old as fuck and things get real hard when Shawn Michaels comes back. Hey, Triple H! I love when Triple H had that match with Rick Flair. Get the fuck out of here! Remember he told Flair? No, Rick, you don't get it. Lay down. In that opinion, beat the fuck Shawn Michaels was going for his title. And everybody amps Flair up. Flair was bumping his ass to most of the match. This guy shows up. This little Canadian guy. This guy is not a main eventer, like Triple H and Shawn Michaels, but he wins a shot at the championship. But the Grim ones too, baby. Triple H can't believe this. Ignore him. When the time comes for Big Match, Shawn Michaels, it's gonna be you and me. This is destiny. Shawn Michaels is like, I mean, he did win the title shot. Triple H is like, but he's a little guy! At WrestleMania, Triple H's obsession with trying to beat Shawn Michaels cost him the title to Chris Benoit. And Triple H tries he might can't get the title back. But you know who beats Chris Benoit? Randy Orton. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wins the title back from Randy Orton. So this time, that Batista wins a shot for the title. Triple H is like, hey, Batista! Hey! I was on that fucking Batista bandwagon hard. When I first saw Batista, when he came out with Reverend Diva, I knew he was going to be a top guy. He was going to be a top guy. You are nervous about someone taking the title and you turn on people, you turn on your best friend. You beat up, yeah, me beat up Randy Orton. I feel like you're probably going to turn on me soon. I'm there with Batista. Man, I want Batista because he's come out like this. He's come out. Let's kill him. Oh, shit! Batista, one ups Triple H, takes that title, and rises the top of the card. I remember that. It's a conversation with Triple H where Triple H is basically like Batista's not better than me because he beat me. Randy Orton's not better than me because he beat the guy he couldn't beat. And Shawn Michaels isn't better than me because because Rick Flair say something, tell me I'm good. I think I did that Batista thing backwards, but it was somewhat there. Enjoy your quad. Don't like John Cena. John Cena is a newer character this time. He's basically Superman and people hate him for all the reasons people hate Superman. He wins all the time. John Cena sucks. The character never changes. He always does the same thing. Then fucking up. Fucking suck. Kiss my ass. Fuck you. Kiss my ass. Triple H says, well I do have a sledgehammer. Triple H comes out like, hey John Cena, you suck. I'm the best, right? Audience, tell me I'm better than Shawn Michaels. They're like, well, beat John Cena. We'll think about it. Triple H goes after Cena and he loses. Then Triple H and Shawn Michaels end up going after Cena at the same time and they both lose. He can't beat Superman. But then hanging out a little bit makes Triple H like, hey Shawn Michaels we're both like, older and like, way more mature. By the way, if you want to see my version of John Cena's entrance I'll post the link below. 45 years old. Triple H is like, yeah but we're best friends. So out they come, but wrestling is rated PG now. Which means they jump out like, Drove me nuts. When Shawn will come out like, Generation X. Dx. Shaking the fucking sticks. We're cheering for him and that's when Shawn Michaels gets bored. You see Shawn Michaels is reaching near there. He took on the undertaker. He's coming out shaking glow sticks. He's Undertaker at WrestleMania. I see your face. Who is the Undertaker? Well, hold on to your suspension of disbelief because it's about to take a fucking period. He's here. A satanic magician and no, I don't know why he's a wrestler. He was part of this cult when he was a little kid. They sacrificed his three little girls. Now he's got this creepy guy Paul with them. He has this intense relationship with his demon brother, Kane. It's all pretty fucking insane. And after that, he commands a cult of hundreds of hooded figures. You know it's fake, right? Yeah, it's getting. What matters is that Undertaker has never been defeated at WrestleMania. Shawn Michaels is like, I think I could beat him. I feel like he could really beat him. He's got one more chance, you know? WrestleMania matches ever. Undertaker says, I will give you another match next year's WrestleMania, but only if when you lose, you retire from wrestling forever. Shawn Michaels is like, I don't know if I should do that. What do you think, Triple H? Triple H is like, no, it would be so terrible if you left and never came back. That would be the worst. Oh my God, you should do it. You should do it. Shawn Michaels is like, okay, sure. So Shawn Michaels loses to the Undertaker is permanently retired. The important thing to remember about Triple H is that he views himself when he looks in the mirror as this warrior knight, Conan destroyer, super badass, unstoppable guy. Exactly. In fact, he's actually an insecure, cheating, undercutting, manipulative coward. He's kind of blind to. I can't see it. And that's why when the Undertaker beats him, all Triple H she can think about is, but I still got some good hits in them, right? And everyone's like, sort of. Hey, stop acting like you beat me. Yeah, but I kind of did sort of. Yeah, but I hit you a bunch of times. That's not how wrestling works. You can't wait and just, you lost. I admit that you lost. No. He says no. I won't fight you anywhere. He said Shawn was better than him. Any weapon I want. We're almost there. I'm at the pause in a second. My best friend, Shawn Michaels. No, we'll keep it going. You chill it on the best friend. You chill it on the best friend. You're my best friend. Shawn Michaels is a guest referee. Access any weapon he wants in a match that he chose. Alright, hold on. And we're back. Let's do this. Triple H loses to the Undertaker. Yes, he does. I was there for that. This is the end of that era. Triple H is so beaten up at the end of his match that he, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker walk out together in what should be a beautiful moment. He has three careers. Instead, Triple H uses the fact that he's married to the daughter of the owner of the company to secure a corporate position. That's right, the rebel, the barbarian ass kicker, the guy who could never be tamed. I am the ultimate destroyer, the one true diamond in this industry. I'm also a suit. I'm here to tell you that my wife says that she's in trouble. But this is almost the perfect position for him. No longer an active wrestler, Triple H is closer to the title than he'd be holding. See, he gets to choose who fights for it. And Triple H is so insecure and so obsessed with this title that he is constantly interfering with real wrestlers and can't let go. He never proved that he was good enough. So I'll tell you one last story. It's about a guy named Daniel Bryan. Was this little scrappy, weird, vegan sort of like almost hipster? No, yells the word yes. People fucking love him. They love him so much. And you know what, I don't blame you. There's something great about Daniel Bryan. He's not the best actor, but sometimes in wrestling that doesn't matter. When you have a heart and a weird enough face, you can reach the top of this industry. The fact that Daniel Bryan is competing against guys like Randy Orton, Triple H's former protege and Batista, another Triple H creation, pisses Triple H off. Because when Triple H sees Daniel Bryan, he sees a guy who isn't good enough. When Triple H sees Daniel Bryan, he sees Triple H. Oh god of you. You are not a commercial. A B plus player. He hates you and you never get a title match. Triple H ends up repeatedly interfering in this guy's career trying to shut him down. This is bullshit. Go crazy. You know what, at WrestleMania right now the main event is Batista versus Randy Orton. But if you can beat me, the game, the king of kings, the ass kicker at WrestleMania Daniel Bryan, you can be in the main event. You'll have to be the three toughest guys in the company in one night. So fuck you. And Daniel Bryan doesn't. He beats Triple H real easy. Then beats Orton and Batista. And an audience of 20,000 people yells yes, yes, yes. As Triple H responds by crying on the floor. The story goes on. That's the thing about wrestling. It doesn't end. Never stops. It's about life, too. And yeah, I let stuff out. It's the real never ending story. They create melodrama. They create fiction. When you're sitting alone and texting it's because you're bored. Our imagination is our greatest gift and our greatest curse because we're bored all the time. And that's what fiction does for us. It gives us a sort of simulator for bigger stories and bigger emotions. That's what Lord of the Rings is. That's what Phantom of the Opera is. That's what Goodfellas is. That's everything. It's us watching and feeling the human capacity for empathy through imagination. That's why we have stories. Triple H is a great character in fiction. Told over two decades a snob who had a chip on his shoulder that he could never let go and just wanted to be the best. But never could be that without cheating. Finally, selling out to the point that if he can't be the champion he'll choose the champion. From Long John Silver to Percy to Walter White we love watching people grow, change, struggle. Good people, bad people, we don't care. We want to see it, man. We need entertainment and we need it now. Wrestling. That's what you get. I don't get me wrong. A lot of wrestling sucks. But when it's good it's fucking great. Wrestling is melodrama. Wrestling is mythology. Wrestling is action. Wrestling is comic books. The only thing wrestling isn't is wrestling. Yeah. He did a better job of telling my story than I could have. Now Magnesite This is a record for me. This is the longest reaction video that I've ever done. And you all sat through it. You watched it. You enjoyed it with me. If you like this, maybe I will do longer reaction videos like this. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm into reacting for this long. But I guess it's the closest thing you guys get to watching a full length movie with me. Huh? Until I reach 1 million subscribers. And then I run out the nearest Lowe's Theater where all the millions of Magnes fans will line up fill the theater and then you will be able to go millions on one with the great one and watch the Black Viking react. Lie. Now Subscribe