 So today we're going to talk about the three early signs. He's ready to commit. He's serious He wants a relationship with you and we're also going to talk about the three-day rule of Revised version of the three-day rule. So oh my phone beeps here with me one second I just want to turn it off See I don't edit these live streams I just do them stream of consciousness. So let's talk about some of the early signs a man is ready for commitment And we're gonna take a cue from the TV show the bachelor or the golden bachelor. Excuse me If any of you have been watching it I highly recommend it for those of us in midlife and let me tell you why I recommend it the theme of the show is Love happens at any age love happens at any age and don't stop believing that the song that's being played In the second episode is don't stop believing and I want everyone to believe that you can actually find a life mate At a life partner in midlife I don't believe it's a death sentence to be in your 50s 60s or even 70s because many people are living well past their 80s and even 90s My father is 98 years old So for those that are 60 years old, you might have another 20 or 30 years of life left in you And why not find a partner to grow old with or to spend the balance of your life with So let's talk about some of the early signs and we're gonna take like I said the first Cue from the TV show the golden bachelor and one thing he says right from the get-go is I Want a life partner. So that's number one. It's a strong sign when a man Declares that he wants a life partner Okay, someone to spend the balance of their life with and now I recognize that many of you are frustrated because you're either dating What's known as a spender or a user and if you're not familiar with my chart I know many of you are but this chart that I created and excludes the excuse the glare This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. You might notice that 20% of the population are users These are people seeking short-term gain and Then while 20% of the population or what I call grower and builders These are people that want the life partners You're most likely in the in the dating pool spending time with what I known as a spender He will wants occasional companionship occasional connection occasional sex He'll spend time with you, but he won't commit to you and we're gonna talk about The further this category of the grower and the builder the grower and the builder before you ever meet him Will declare he wants a life partner. He won't say things like well, let's just take it slow Let's see where it goes. I'm just not you know, I'm not ready for serious You know, they're basically saying that because they don't know who you are yet. Okay? They don't know who you are yet and that's understandable that they can't commit life partner to you but folks I'm a you know an eligible bachelor and I'm very clear just like Gary is in the golden bachelor That I want a life partner and that probably only represents maybe 20% of the population So we're gonna talk about a tool you're gonna use in a moment to narrow this down quickly Okay, so the first sign is he states he wants a life partner. Okay number two He's consistent about spending his free time with you and If he doesn't have free time, he makes time out of his schedule to spend time with you Now we have to have a caveat of this because you might get confused about the type of men Who are the love bombers the type of men who are needy the type of men who are desperate Those types of men might want to spend a lot of free time with you usually via the telephone Those men who are desperate needy Even the love bomber the love bombers want to be physically in your presence a significant amount of time Okay, but the the driving caveat is that they are leaning way more in the sexual or physical aspects of the relationship Versus truly wanting to get to know you at a very gentle pace. I mean I I think You know while we all are biologically driven physically for the sex and and Chemistry is the first thing we notice in the early stage of dating. It's that Attraction piece, you know But a man who's ready for commitment or man who's serious isn't driven solely By the need to get in your pants, okay a man, so you have to really be Dr. Stan Tatkin calls it a Sherlock so he means Sherlock Holmes You have to be a bit of a detective and kind of differentiate Does it feel like he's wants to spend time with you or communicate with you at a needy desperate over the top space Most men that are desperate needy over the top what they're really seeking from you is therapy That's right therapy. See what's happened particularly with dating apps is dating apps have Created an opportunity to connect with a variety of different people There's this belief that there's an abundance of people But many of the people on the dating apps are either seeking hookups or they're actually seeking feminine energy feminine what let me reframe that female Conversation I want to I want to really clarify this female conversation Because men are more apt to open up to a woman on an emotional level when he's not in a good space in his life Because you beautiful women are nurturers. You're loving your kind. You'll listen to a man's problems And so what happens is in the for those that are those men who are coming off of a contentious divorce maybe the ending of a significant relationship and they did very little healing From their past relationships or maybe they've got contentious issues at work or whatnot They actually need to dump their problems on somebody and By doing this the dumping of the problems They feel a sense of relief and since women are these great containers for listening to and you're nurturing in these capacities and you're oftentimes Okay, so ladies I want to really be clear You all have a capacity to do the following when a man is dumping his emotional problems to you Some women see that as weakness. Okay a lot of women see this as music to their ears. Oh my gosh He's so vulnerable. Oh my gosh. He's so Emotionally he's able to emote his feelings He must be emotionally mature. He must have relationship skills See folks when somebody is venting their problems There's nothing wrong with venting their problems. What's worse is when they actually complain there's a big difference between venting and Complaining complaining is dumping their problems from a victim mentality Versus venting is look I need to get this out. I've got something inside of me I just got to get it off my chest Okay, I just got to get it off my chest and I want some true healing after I get this off my chest That's venting. Okay But you see a man in the who is Seeking a life partner. He's not going to choose someone brand new in his life to vent to his problems He's already got a circle of people. He's got his inner circle. Maybe even has a therapist And so if a man is coming across needy desperate over the top um or love bombing It might confuse you on this space of a man who's truly serious about you Wants to spend his free time with you or he makes time to be with you That's a great sign that he's he's serious about a relationship with you or wants to commit with commit to you Okay, the third piece of this puzzle And again, we're going to talk about a revised version of the three date rule in a moment So you got to stick around to hear this. Okay okay After about 90 to 120 days of consistently seeing each other Consistently seeing each other Okay, now consistent happens to has to be on average two to three times a week doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends. Maybe even a trip during this period of time Within the first 90 to 120 days. Okay. This is usually the Probationary period in dating. Okay You think about you know, I think California law here at least here in the United States Is there's a 90 day probationary period when you hire someone that you can fire them without any recourse Hmm Excuse me my copy mug says don't make me go all psycho roommate on you Those know I have a passion of going out on a rant on some cases, but we're not going to rant about this See in the 90 to 120 day period He's very clear about progressing the relationship forward He's very clear about progressing the relationship forward You feel him coming forward. You don't feel him pulling back Men who are commitment ready men who are serious about you will begin to lean into their emotions This is the time where they might vent with you This is the might time where they might share something more deeply intimate about who they are as a person They're not pulling back. They're becoming more Emotional towards you instead of what typically happens to those people who are emotionally Stunted if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills If you're brand new to watching my videos by the way, this is not a fact merely an opinion I believe 20 of the population has clinical Issues when it comes to emotional maturity and relationship skills And while I say 20 percent are emotionally healthy and have good relationship skills I'm probably being kind of generous there Because the vast majority of people are dysfunctional when it comes to their emotional maturity and relationship skills so again If you've reached the 90 to 120 day mark and he's not pulling away. He's not becoming scared See because remember I said earlier the driving force is that chemistry See roughly about 90 days in is where you have to be really look in the mirror and say am I serious about this person Is this somebody who is my potential life mate again? Number one is he wants a life mate in that 90 and 120 day period is when he goes Is this really a strong potential for this person to be my life mate and they are demonstrating it By progressing the relationship forward You know, I know it's very tricky because many of you might ask yourself You might be watching this video you're in a relationship That's a year or two years old and you're like he doesn't do any of these things He hasn't declared he wants a life partner. He's not consistent about his time. He's not progressing the relationship forward Well, you have to ask yourself Really, we you know what coming back to the golden bachelor. These are people that like look I don't have time to mess around You know if you're not serious like at least gary serious if you're not serious Then don't waste my time but ladies you have to take charge of your relationship destiny But jonathan i'm just supposed to lean back in my feminine energy and let the guy leave No, you are in charge of your destiny folks You know instead of treating this like the job in the 90 day probationary period I want you to think of this like Two business people that are going to partner with each other two business people They're going to partner with each other much like Lawyers that partner together much like accountants who partner together. Maybe even doctors who partner together We take those particular professions because in some cases, you know Or there's a partnership of jones and smith law firm or jones and smith accounting firm or the jones and smith medical clinic I want you to think of this as two sovereign beings Deciding are we going to partner with one another instead of like? I'm the employee or i'm the i'm the employer. You're the employee dynamic. See that has a one up one down I want you to treat this like this a side by side And this is why you have to activate the three date rule that i'm announcing Okay Now the traditional three date rule basically said this came out about 15 years ago Is if a man hasn't gotten laid by the third date, you are not most likely ever going to get a fourth date That's what the three date rule was basically get laid by the third date. Okay I'm activating a revised version of the three date rule and the three date rule is this Number one your first telephone call with a man is your first date And there's something that you have to do during this phone call that's critically important But the first phone call is the first date. Okay second Is um your first meeting with somebody Is a meet and greet and we'll talk about that a little bit deeper in a moment. It's a meet and greet and then If you see each other a second time, that's the first legitimate date. Okay, that's the first legitimate date And we're going to talk about what that means as well Okay, so the pre date that first telephone call During this telephone call you have to before you End the telephone call you have to determine your three top Must haves during this conversation. What are your three must haves? Or we can reverse that wait three must haves or reverse it three dealbreakers in other words If they don't pass these three things whatever they are for you And you know what and as I reflect on my own life today I think one of the first things that I know is critically important is someone that has a relationship with the divine Whether we call that god universe source energy. They have a relationship with the divine That's critically important for those of you. It might be religion. It might be you know spiritual but not religious Whatever that is. I'm just sharing. This is my personal one. That's one of my top ones number two Top on my list is they are devoted to personal growth. They are devoted to personal growth To healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. This just happens to me mine. Okay, and the third is that they are devoted to To being wanting a life partner. So those are three things I mean, those are mine. You're welcome to borrow mine But I invite you all to come up with your three must haves which are Essentially your dealbreakers and get that answered before you ever meet someone because what's the point of meeting them if they don't Maybe for some of you it's having children Maybe some of you it's wanting to be a grand, you know to be an active grandparent whatever that is for you I invite you to identify it for yourself whatever those three things are number two is the Is the actual meet and greet this is the time to have a good time with someone to feel the vibe You know just the vibe with another person. Do you are you physically attracted? Do you click with one another? That's the purpose of the meet and greet at the end of the meet and greet You only have one question to ask yourself Would I like to see this person again? Would I like to see this person again? It's just that simple Okay, would I like to see this person again? That's the only thing. Do you vibe well together? Are you physically attracted to one another? okay, and then The third time you you know are interacting with them. That's the real first date This is like really this is your time to really go a bit deeper Maybe you ask some deeper questions during this time Maybe you have a few more must-haves on your list This is your time to determine if you are have similar, you know similar values This is the time to determine if your lifestyles are blendable with one another. This is the time to actually go a little bit deeper And whether you do this on the third, you know remember There's the predate the meet and greet the first date Maybe you know during this period of time you might want to have a telephone call to go a little bit deeper This is your look I've got to decide am I is this somebody I'm willing to invest A significant amount of time to get to know them because the reality is folks It takes a fair amount of time to really get to know someone whose partnership material remember we talked about 90 to 120 days That's the kind of period of time where you go is this really life partner material or not And so begin the process of going deeper by this, you know by this third, you know by this first or second date Remember I said the meeting there's the predate the meet and greet And then the first date but first second date This is the time to start going a little bit deeper to see if you share the same values If your lifestyles are blendable with one another and to determine their emotional maturity outside of the physical sexual component of a relationship Folks it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust So just recognize this. Do you want to have sex with someone you don't trust? I don't recommend it I think that's highly inefficient way to To approach this process But I will tell you just like gary from The golden bachelor. There are good men out there. There are the grower and the builders There are the emotionally healthy men out there. Your job is to sift through the landmines This is we're working with a coach like me. By the way, here's a link To check out my coaching program Schedule by the way, if you need help learning how to vet to do all this schedule There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you If you haven't already got my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I highly recommend and get it those links to all the books I recommend as well because while self-love this book isn't a dating relationship book It's the empowerment book that you walk into this this dynamic Being your best self so you can attract that person is also their best self is this sinking in is this resonating Please let me know if it is please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts Also, if you're watching this, please hit this like please share this video If you haven't followed me on youtube, please hit that subscribe button hit that notification bell as well All right, folks. Hope you got a lot of value what I'm shared out of here the three strong early signs He's ready for commitment with you and I hope you take advantage of it. All right. We're gonna wrap up this video As I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bearer of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it. We could often use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye