 No-one enjoys having difficult conversations at work. Difficult conversations are one of the most feared aspects of being a manager. If you are in a management or leadership position, you need to work out how to manage difficult conversations at work because dealing with the difficult stuff is a really important part of managing others. To be an effective manager, being able to manage the things that don't go well, the bad attitudes of team members, underperformance issues and all the other negative aspects of managing people is pretty essential. Certainly if you want to get a lot done, if you want to keep the team motivated, if you want to get that next promotion. So I'm going to share eight steps of how to manage difficult conversations at work without putting yourself or the other person through an emotional rollercoaster or risk not getting the outcome you need. The eight steps are and at the end of the video I share seven tips on how to control emotions when having difficult conversations, so do keep watching. My name is Jess Coles and I've had a 25-year management career in corporates and household names through to SMEs. And as you can imagine, I've held a wide range of difficult conversations during that time. I still don't enjoy having them, but I don't put them off and I know with the right preparation that 95% of these conversations are okay. For both parties, there are no fireworks and we get to a good result for the team and the company. If you're new to this channel, Enhance.training provides online business courses to help you improve your performance and that of your team and business. And if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up and subscribe. So let's start with the first step in how to lead tough conversations and that is don't put off the conversation. Just imagine that something has happened at work. A person has turned in some poor work or has shouted at a colleague in front of the team. If you don't do anything, then you are, by your actions, saying to the entire team that poor work or shouting at colleagues is okay. Then you are likely to get more of these problems. Then you might have the better people in the team leave, the team performance drops, you know, you get the picture. None of this is good for you or your career as a manager. So you must do something. And the longer you leave doing something, the bigger the action of doing something will become in your own mind and the harder it will become. Second, the relevance of doing something will decrease. You know, imagine the difference between pulling the person aside an hour after the incident versus a week later or even worse, talking about it in their next appraisal. So don't delay. Do give yourself some time to prepare. How long you need will depend on the situation and your confidence and experience as a manager. The next seven steps will help you prepare so you can have a constructive conversation which results in the right outcome. The second step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to put yourself in a positive mindset. A positive, constructive mindset is so important going into difficult conversations. Go in expecting to get a good outcome and chances are you'll get it. How confident you are, how calm and relaxed you are also impacts the other person and the outcome. Preparation helps to increase your confidence. Your level of experience very much builds your confidence once you've been there a few times. The next time is less intimidating and so on. So get yourself in a positive mindset. Go into the meeting knowing that you've done your preparation and you are in control of the meeting. Be confident and be open-minded and the conversation will go much better for both of you. The third step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to start with the end in mind. What do you want the outcome to be following the difficult conversation? Is it the shouting will stop and not happen again? Or the quality of the work will improve? Or the person will communicate more? Think carefully about what you want. These examples we've just gone through are very general. Make your outcome specific so that you can articulate it very clearly to the difficult person. For example, the shouting not to happen again might become no incidents of raised or angry voicing of frustration or anger to any colleagues in the next three months. Make your goal or outcome as specific as you can when going into the difficult conversation. Think, how will I be able to measure this? If you have a sensible way of measuring it and this is clear, you have a specific outcome. If not, keep working at it. The fourth step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to hold the meeting in private. Do not have a difficult conversation in front of others. Maybe the only exception is if you ask a colleague to attend the private meeting with you. You don't want others interrupting nor observing what is being said and how it is being said. Having a difficult conversation in public is not fair on the other person, nor on you. Take the difficult conversation into a meeting room or office, no exceptions. And walking to a meeting room or booking one for later in the day gives valuable mental preparation time, even for very experienced managers and leaders. The fifth step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to prepare evidence or examples. I think preparing examples is one of the most important steps as it moves the conversation from two people with two opinions to a conversation about facts and the impact on the business. A conversation about facts is a very different conversation with less emotion and is a much easier conversation to receive. When presenting your examples, I find it very useful to make a statement and then ask a question. Some examples could be, you submitted the XYZ report four hours late, which impacted the sales team and reduced the proposal writing time by four hours, which might mean we're losing the actual sales opportunity we have. How would you feel if you were working the sales team? Second, I've been told that you shouted at Laura in front of the team and used swear words. How would you feel and react if you were in Laura's shoes? Third example, I'm concerned that you are turning up late for work. It's been six times now in the last three weeks. And each time is not just five minutes late, but between 15 and 30 minutes late. How do you think this makes you look in front of the other team members? And fourth, a slightly different type of example. We're having to put your role at risk of redundancy because of a change in business strategy and the 2.4 million of losses this division has made over the past three years. Do you have any suggestions on how to avoid team member redundancies? Be specific with your examples, not general. Use numbers in your example where possible and make it about the action or the lack of action. Construct your examples so that you're talking about the action, not about the person directly. Be clear on the impact that the action has on the team, the business or the output. Try to get the person to talk about the impact first and then add in anything that they might have missed. The sixth step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to plan, but don't script how you're going to run the difficult conversation. List out the bullet points of the topics that you want to cover. The person asking the questions and framing the conversation is in control of the conversation, not the person talking. Plan out the questions you will ask to direct the conversation to get the other person to cover the points that you want them to. They are much more likely to listen, learn and change the behavior if they articulate the impact of the behavior than if you just tell them. Where appropriate, aim to help the other person. Give advice, mentor and coach them towards the outcome that you want to reach. Don't be afraid to outline the consequences if the behavior or situation doesn't change. If you're having a redundancy conversation or you're entering into a disciplinary process, these steps work just as well as for poor performance or poor behavior. The seventh step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to actively listen. Actively listening is a very powerful tool when handling difficult conversations. By actively listening, you are demonstrating empathy and understanding and the other person will be much more willing to listen to you and be calmer during the conversation. Getting the other person to talk also forces them to articulate their thoughts and feelings which gives you a lot of insights into the situation and gives you the opportunity to change your messaging and thus build better buy-in with the other person. If you're not prepared to listen to them, why should they listen to you? The eighth step in how to manage difficult conversations at work is to keep your emotions under control. How well you control your emotions and are able to convey empathy and understanding with the other person, the easier and the better the difficult conversation is likely to be for both parties. Important tips to manage emotions include firstly, use a calm, steady, relaxed tone and pace of voice. Second, keep your comments focused on actions or admissions rather than the other person themselves. This reduces the other person's negative reactions. Third, use lots of examples rather than stating opinion. Examples are less emotive and much more powerful in getting your message across. Fourth, stay professional and in control of your emotions regardless of how the other person behaves. Don't get angry, frustrated, impatient, etc. If you remain calm and in control, the other person will also be calmer. Keep breathing deeply and build pauses or even take many breaks if needed. Fifth, ask questions and actively listen more than spending time talking yourself. The difficult conversation is about them, not you. Actively listening is a great tool to calm emotions of others. Sixth, be clear when making statements. Don't beat around the bush or be ambiguous. Being unclear doesn't help you or the other person tackle the reason for the difficult conversation. And seven, get to the point of the conversation quickly. Don't procrastinate or put off the difficult part of the conversation. Starting a difficult conversation is often the hardest part and what makes you nervous or anxious. And the other person will pick up on this and get nervous themselves. Get to the point quickly. Practice the techniques to keep calm that work for you. Experiment and build your experience and confidence in having difficult conversations. So there you have eight important steps to take when preparing how to manage difficult conversations at work and tips for managing the actual conversation to the outcome that you want to achieve. Having difficult conversations is one of the most feared aspects of being a manager. Yet handled in the right way, the difficult conversation will be a lot less difficult even straightforward in most cases. Don't shy away from having these conversations. Prepare so that you can have conversations that achieve the outcome you need. And if you have any questions please leave them in the comments section below this video and I'll get back to you since I can. Thanks very much for watching and I look forward to speaking to you again soon.