 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success Lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LS MFT MFT MFT you bet and how lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Independent tobacco experts present at the tobacco auction can see the makers of lucky strike consistently select and buy the finer The lighter the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco this fine lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking and joy So it's not that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike And now ladies and gentlemen as you all know last Tuesday was VE day But as person Truman said we still have a problem and here he is Jack Benny talking and on the president didn't mean me he meant Japan Japan that little body of land surrounded by mimits But getting back to VE day this morning has been a story week hasn't it done? I certainly hasn't Jack when you were overseas. I'll bet you have no idea the Germans would surrender when they did What would you mind repeating that down? I said when you were overseas I'll bet you had no idea the Germans would surrender when they did Don are you kidding? What look now that it can be told let me tell you now wait a minute Jack You're not going to tell me that you planned the invasion. Oh You know And we try to keep it a secret Oh for heaven's sake Jack you only went overseas to entertain the boys You go for that too, huh? I didn't call for anything if you didn't go overseas to entertain the boys Why did you go down when Churchill comes over here and hands you a note from Eisenhower? You can't say no Well, let's not oh, hello, Mary. Hello Jack. Hello, John. Hi everybody. Hey, you're pretty happy tonight Why shouldn't I be even though we still have work to do at least the fighting in Europe is over That's right, and Mary you want to know something Jack's taking credit for the whole thing Oh for heaven's sake Jack, what do you know about military affairs? Listen sister I was in the Navy during the last war and if I must say so myself I was a darn good sailor some sailor that was 27 years ago, and you still haven't got your 85 points Mary don't be funny. I helped make naval history. Oh sure sure The first day you joined you got on a boat try to salute an officer stuck your thumb in your eye Couldn't see where you're going stepped off the side of the ship Mary Your suspender is caught on a nail and if they hadn't stuck a paint brush in your hand you'd have been non-essential All right, all right. Anyway, John was talking about what I did in this war That's right, Mary and Jack claims that he went overseas because I was an hour sent for it. Eisenhower sent for you? Well, not only that Mary, Jack said Churchill came over here and handed him the note Churchill handed you a Jack's then if you weren't wearing glasses, I'd punch you right in the nose I'll put him back on and stop showing off I'm sorry, Mary, but it's little things like that that bring out the arrow fin in there So watch it kid But your own father making up things that aren't true Churchill handing you a note I didn't say he actually handed me the note. He came over to my house I wasn't home, so we walked around to the back porch and stuck it in the milk bottle So naturally I Come in Mr. Benny. Yes, you may not remember me after all these years But I was in the name you the same time you were a great leg. Yes, sir. The name is Flanagan. Oh, I can see one very class. Oh Flanigan, why don't you sit down after the show? We'll have a bite and talk over all the time Hey Benny remember the first day you joined the Navy You got out of ship saluted novices like your thumb and you know about that. They know about that I'll never forget you hang in there by your suspenders They called you Benny the human yo-yo Look Flanigan remember the time you had a watch tattooed on your wrist, so you wouldn't have to buy one Now go sit down. That's terrible. Where was I? On the back porch with a milk bottle Oh, yes Well, I left the note from Eisenhower packed it fast as I could grab the first plane and when I arrived overseas Who do you think I met? The milk man. He had the milk first You're not gonna believe anything I say there's no use letting me in. Oh, Mr. Benny. What do you matter about? Oh, nothing Larry. It's just that I've been telling Mary and Don about my military accomplishments, and they don't believe me Oh, well, why don't you tell to me mr. Benny? I believe you. You won't get sure it's in my contract Oh, oh, yes, well clear kid. Hmm. You see like when I was overseas I perfected a new system to dive by me You did yes, and it doesn't state my system. I took a bomber of 5,000 feet putting the guys You flew a dive on it Certainly What are you laughing at? You're the only man I know who blacks out on a merry-go-round That only happened once I was reaching for the brass ring and the buckle book on my safety belt Anyway Larry, I'll tell you more about it later. Let's have your song now. Okay Hey Benny Now what? Remember the time you stuck your head out of a float hole and you couldn't get it back in? Plan again. Oh, oh, oh, for two weeks we had to stand on a dock and float food at you Larry go ahead and sing Throwing food at me they could at least open the age You know Larry Stevens very good Larry and now as I started to tell you after I perfected the dive bomber I came back Hey, Jackson. Hello, Libby. You clowns getting any laughs? Hello, Phil. What do you hear from Vermouth Vermont? All right. All right, Jackson. So I made a mistake last week that can happen to anybody I know but it was written right in the script French removed and you called it French Vermont All right. I'm sorry Don't you know the difference between Vermouth and Vermont? Oh, I never drank any Vermont You must have been drinking something. Now wait a minute, Jackson. You ain't gonna hang that on me I've been on the wagon for three months and I haven't touched the drop Well, congratulations for three months you haven't had a suit Say Phil, this is the first time I ever noticed it You got blue eyes I want to see two Well, you can take our word for it. You're very pretty Say Phil, how's your nightclub doing now that the curfew has been lifted? Oh, well, Libby, swell. You know, he listed the ban on racing, too That won't make no difference to me, Jackson. We never serve many horses anyway I may not make any difference to you, but Crosby is very happy about it. He can race his horses again Yeah, now that the curfew is listed, they won't have to come in by midnight I don't want to change the subject, but you know, next Sunday we're broadcasting from San Francisco And we're leaving tonight, so I want you all to... Now take it Hello? Long distance? Just a minute, Mary, it's for you, clean field New Jersey Oh, it must be Mama Hello? Hello, Mama, I was going to call you right after the show Happy Mother's Day It's good to hear your voice, too Please, Papa He's in the refrigerator reading a newspaper What? Oh, all the other lights have burned out What a family. How's your sister, Bay? I'll find out Say Mama, how's her heaven's sake when? What happened, Mary? She got her nose caught in the vacuum cleaner I knew she could do it You couldn't remove the vacuum cleaner, so you sent for the head of the FBI? I wonder how she breathes with that vacuum cleaner on her nose Mama, how can Bay breathe with a nose stuck in the vacuum cleaner? Oh, you keep it running Look, Mary, we're doing a program Mama, I've got to hang up now, so I'll write you a law Mary, please Cousin Bobby got out of the Army under the new system? Well Long, he was discharged and had enough points left over to buy a happy Mother's Day You know, Mary, I like your mother In fact, today we should all pay tribute to the one person to whom we owe so much It's for myself, I can say, all that I am today I owe to my mother Now, wait a minute, Jackson You ain't going to blame any sweet little old lady on that We'll just take your vermouth and go back to Vermont Now, kids, as I thought it would say before Many. When are you going to get to that clever stuff? What? You know that part where you go Wait a minute, wait a minute I don't do that, you're talking about the commercials Yeah, that's the stuff I like Well, those guys rush out and say, Right, sir, yes, sir, you bet Lucky strike means fine tobacco So round, so firm, so fully packed So free and easy on the job Way a matter And a train cricket, you got Cricket? Yeah, the one that goes tick, tick, tick, tick, tick How is that a man did that? When are you going to get to that? That comes later at the end of the show Well, hurry up, get through with your stuff Well, yes, you're holding things down All right, all right, planning and sit down Now, kids, as I thought it would tell you We're all meeting tonight at the station A half hour before our train leaves I got to run home now Because I got some last minute packing to do What time is it now, Jack? I don't know, my tattoo isn't running I mean, my watch isn't running Now, Phil, you and the rest of the gang Finish the program and see that Nobody misses a train Okay, Jackson So long, kid See you later After I'm late and I've got to hurry Come on, help me I've always started packing for you, boys Oh, swell How far have you gotten? Well, I've had your iron capsules Got the motions Caught a little oil East Hamlet Aspirin Sweeping pills Benzedrine Hair tonic Hair tonic Now, let's get these Eye drops Nose drops Ear drops Corp drops Corn pairs Bunion pairs Heating pairs Soda pairs Now, let's Vitamin A, B, C, D And L, F, M, M, C Good Boys, if you really need all this stuff, you better not go I'm going anyway Now pack my shirt before I go in the bathroom And get the rest of my toilet articles Let's see Toothpaste Toothbrush Shaving cream Razor Razor Hmm, let me see Oh, Rochester, when did I put a new blade in my razor? Uh, new blade? Let me think, boss Let me think Oh, yeah, I remember It was D-Day plus six Oh, then this blade is still good I'll take a long and new one, sometimes they break Now, let's see Saving brush Face lotion Powder Gargle Root spray Sympathy soothing cream Hmm, here's your peppermint Here's your peppermint Here's your peppermint Here's your peppermint Now I'm getting away from it That cold porter writes beautiful lyrics Well, I guess I got everything How you doing, Rochester? I'm about half done Good And say, Rochester, I've been meaning to tell you I might be entertaining some important delegates From the conference, like, well, like Anthony Eden And I want you to be very dignified Dignified? Yes, I want you to speak with a broad A You know, con, don, command, and so on Now repeat this sentence after me I con, don, this afternoon as I have paint on my pond Oh, boss, this is so funny There's nothing silly about it Now repeat it Okay I con, don, this afternoon as I have paint on my pond That's very good, Rochester And remember it when I'm entertaining in San Francisco Now let's get on with the packing I'll take my socks and put them in a small bag And put my handkerchief Answer the phone, Rochester Are you there? This is Jack Benny, star of the cinema legitimate drama and wireless Ordered black photographs, two for shilling Man of the army, marines, or his majesty's navy, hot price Hey, come again? Oh, this is most dispensing Most dispensing Right home, I'll tell you Cheerio, that's it That's better, I guess, sir You tell her, sir He said you caught toss this afternoon Unless you pay in advance for your pond I have to begin Before we get to San Francisco Now you finish packing While I go into my vault And get some money Well, I better cross over the moat to the safe Oh, who goes there? Oh, it's only me, Ed I want to get into my safe Oh, it's you, Mr. Benny Yes Well, we're having very lovely weather now, Ed It's spring again Spring? That must be nice By the way, Ed I've got some good news for you The war in Europe is over Germany surrendered on Tuesday Oh, that's wonderful Did they, uh... They catch the kaiser? No, no, Ed That was... Oh, I'll explain it to you some other time Right now I'd like to open my safe Very good, sir Shall I put on my blindfold? Of course not, Ed Of course not, I trust you Now, let's see The combination is right to 45 Left to 160 Back to 15 Then left to 110 There How much money will I need? I'll be in San Francisco for 10 days I'll be hotel bills, meals, entertainment, tips $15 ought to be enough Maybe I should take 20 Nah, if I take a lot, I'll just spend it I'll take 15 But then again, maybe I'll need 20 Oh, well, I'll play safe and take 17.50 There Bye, Mr. Benny Goodbye, Ed See you in the fall I'll be here Well, come on, Rochester We better wait in the station Rochester, check my bag I'm going up to the information booth To make sure about the time I train leaves Yes, sir And, pardon me Are you the information clerk? Well, what do you think I am in this cage? A bird of paradise? I always have to run into him Look, I'm going to San Francisco Will, will Don't tell me the La Brea Tar Pitch Is sending a delegate to the conference This is when my train leaves for San Francisco And if you won't tell me Let your hands off my lips I just want to look it up I'm not crumbling Then will you please tell me What time my train leaves for San Francisco? Well, which train do you want to go on? The Lark or the Owl? What's the difference? The Lark and same silly Look, I want to go on the The evening on track by For Anaheim, Azusa, and Cuckamonga Well, there's no need to tell Here I am We'll be back in just a minute With a very important message But first here's my good friend L.A. Speed Racer For the... Quality of product is essential To continuing success Lucky strike means fine tobacco And that's quality where fine quality counts Right in the tobacco itself Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco The finer, the lighter, the naturally milder Lucky strike tobacco So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky strike So round, so firm, so fully packed So free and easy on the draw The famous tobacco auctioneer Is here on tonight's program And Mr. L.A. Speed Rigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina And Mr. Effie Boone of Lexington, Kentucky And Mr. Effie Boone of Lexington, Kentucky L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T. Fine tobacco makes a fine cigarette So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky strike So round, so firm, so fully packed So free and easy on the draw the draw. Ladies and gentlemen, it seems like more than a coincidence that Mother's Day should fall on the first Sunday after VE Day, and the very glowing tributes have been played to mothers everywhere. At this moment, I wish it were possible to tune in on the hearts and thoughts of the mothers whose fighting sons are far away from home. And then we would learn the true meaning of VE Day and Mother's Day. They probably wouldn't express their feelings in a lot of fancy words. Perhaps they couldn't. But then they don't have to because we can see in their faces not only sorrow and anxiety, but courage and faith. Mothers who have given the most and asked the least are doing the hardest job to be done in war. Staying at home, waiting. So today our thoughts and prayers are with all mothers, as well as the hope that by next Mother's Day their journeys will come marching home.