 As always, this episode of the 1878 FM podcast is sponsored by Green King Sport, where football is more than a game. The league is entering the business end and Green King Sport venues are showing every single televised event fixture over the running. With more than 900 sports clubs across the UK, it doesn't matter where you're based, you can catch every single minute of the action. Football is best enjoyed with your mates, so if you're not at the ground this month, get a text in a group chat and head to your local Green King Sport venue to catch the game. Don't forget to download the Green King Sport app to enjoy exclusive competitions and discounts whenever there's a game. Welcome to the 1878 FM podcast myself, Perth, and Sam is back, Sam Avery is back with us. Sam, how are you? I'm good, thanks fellas, thanks for having me on. It's interesting that obviously me and David are playing by the same actor. Absolutely. I know, we were supposed to have the four of it this week, it's going to be the first time we've got a four and then Sam Lee, sadly David had to drop out and I was like oh, so close, so close. It'll happen, it'll happen. There's a willingness, like a contract, there's a willingness on both sides to do the deal. It just feels like the audience is being cheated, I feel so, but listen. That first Avengers film, you had to weigh in that to me. Yeah, exactly, you know, you've got to, we just have to go through what we go through and it will happen, trust me, trust me, it'll happen. When we recorded last week, the podcast, we finished tidying it all up, went about our business doing something else and the news broke that Evan and I were giving some points back. So, let's just quickly discuss that menu we've done, so go to Sam first. Sam, I mean, ten points taken off, four points given back, but there's obviously the threat of more points being taken, so what do you all take on this up and down, the sort of Premier League points? Well, both times when we had the points taken off and then the four points given back, both times I've been in the middle of something where I've had to have me phone on, had a plain mode. I've turned it on and it's just exploded and my first thing is like, oh my God, like a family relative has a horrendous incident or something. I just feel that way in a way, but obviously last Monday was better news than when the ten points got taken away, but it still doesn't really feel like everything adds up when it doesn't feel like the kind of the work and out that we've been told doesn't seem to align with their own rules, if there are rules, because everything's so hidden, nothing's transparent, everyone's kind of confused about how they've come up with those figures. I think we talked about last time I was on board. You've then got the kind of the idea that Forrest might lose points, but then the idea that we might lose more points. If Forrest lose, do they appeal, do they get some back? If we lose more, do we then appeal and get them back? Or does this based appeal and the points that we've got given back change the next deduction? My brain is constantly on about five different timelines and it's exhausting because all I want to really do is watch the footage and cheer the team on. We can get on to how difficult that is on a certain as well, but what's really interesting is when you get a lot of pundits on Sky talking about the points deduction, and you get people like Jamie Carragass saying, it felt like six points. At least give us your work and out. You've got him and Gary Neville, both of them talking about how it's not fair because points are getting taken out, points are getting given back. At no point of the day to say it's a farce because obviously Sky is so much in bed with the Premier League, there's just a real lack of willingness to call it for what it is, which is just badly managed, farcical and doesn't seem to make sense. Yeah absolutely, I mean Monday was when the points come back and I faced you obviously like well we've moved up a few places so felt alright. But then as the week went on I was getting more uncomfortable with it to be honest Sam I was thinking, actually now I'm not happy with four because I still don't know where six come from, do you know what I mean? I mean they give us four back and the only thing anyone's ever been able to explain to me is well the other commission give you ten and then this commission listened to arguments from Everton and said yeah actually based on those arguments that's worth four points coming back. So where did the six come from then? Like what have we done that is worthy of six points because it still isn't a final figure that if you breach it's six points. So I still don't know how and I am doing the overlap this week with Jamie Carriga so we'll be asking them why six points felt right, how, why, in what way did six points feel right. Do you know what I mean? It's not as if Everton spent a hundred million on a player and you looked them in well you know you've looked what you've done quite clearly here you've breached this thing and that because there's no hard and fast rules for this that's been an issue certainly for me. It feels like how I parent my own children sometimes which is like they'll do one thing and they'll get punishment X and then they'll do something else and they'll get the full weight of you know I remember threatening to like throw all the toys in the bin because of something a real misdemeanor and big things I sometimes got a look the other way because to be honest I want to keep the peace. And if they asked me to actually come out with if you know as a parent. What's your point Sally? Like Richard Masters and I have to explain what had gone on I would look maybe not quite as stupid as him but not far off because you know there's no logic but that's fine because that's what parenting is this is different this is a sport and competition where transparency is key, integrity is key. Integrity is kind of dripping off the game gradually every season anyway or it feels that way to me and you've got you know the teams at the top doing what they want the teams below them kind of hands are tied, glass ceilings are put in place and you know the longer it goes on the less you feel that it's fair and if you don't feel like it's fair you're then watching it with a completely different mindset and you're not really watching it in a way that even in the 90s when I started going the match it felt like it wasn't fair. In a way that we didn't have any money and other teams had money but even that was I don't know you could kind of get your head around that sort of level playing field but now it's like it's gone to the next level. The dream Sam's always sadly it never worked out like the dream but the dream was like Sam's just said it felt a bit unfair because we didn't have money but the dream was well if we can attract someone with money then that will be us but even that now. Even that doesn't matter you've got ask you know forget about Evan for one second, Biller and Newcastle are wealthy, Newcastle incredibly wealthy and they're talking about having to sell one of their top players this summer to fall in line with the set of rules that seemingly the top six don't have to fall in line. I think we all we know all that don't mean we've done that to death and I think the game is just going in a really bad direction and I think it's the whole just the whole thing for me is just like you've just mentioned it. It was almost like we'll give them four back to just make them feel a bit happy about it and maybe they'll shut up and go away and maybe you know maybe they'll come into the next one now thinking well if we give them if we give them a couple of points they'll be happy and they won't appeal it and they won't. I just find it all a bit weird and again it's like when you're older people talking about it it's just the head Paul Mason talking about it on Saturday and he was saying he was going mad about it and he was like yeah it's gonna it's terrible that when it goes to appeal it'll happen after the end of the season and therefore if for us get points they won't get them until next season. I was like what are you talking about like even the media don't know what they're talking about or sitting members of the media don't know what they're talking about. It's like and I don't know whether he was correct or not but I know where Skype hold down the social the social video of it and it's like there's so many different stories and bad narratives running because we've just let this thing run away from itself and I'm not happy that we got four points back by any means. I'm really not because as Sam said there it's like show me what you're working out is show me how you got to the 10 points in the first place before we go to given as a six points because this is huge. This kind of this will affect us it'll affect for us and now a lot of other clubs are piping up and saying need this needs sort and out you know it with a Brentford and a couple of others saying this needs sort about this is affecting the whole league by not by not knowing what's going to happen maybe till after the end of the season and there'll be a lot of pressure. I think when this next one comes in for Evan and Forrest not to appear and I wonder whether that'll have any bearing on the outcome of those two ones now just on the outcome of what's given. I mean we've been told which again stupidly there's supposed to be a precedent set but apparently the same we're not going to have suspended points because when when do you hand that out so they're going against their own logic because that they have been handed out before in the in the NFL. So they're saying on one hand but we're following what's happening in the NFL but they're taking it away by not having suspended one so this depression now have not given out maybe harsh punishments that lead to something happening after the season's finished. You've got to put all that that's not football is it that's ridiculous that's that's that's just adding something silly which really should. You talked about the kind of the media narrative getting out of you know getting out the box and then you know what's the old what's that old quote about the a lie goes round the world before the truth has got to choose on or something. It's the quote. That's the quote. I don't like that. It's people like putting this you know people who don't know what they're talking about speculating. Yeah. I mean we would on other clubs affairs that we know you with you know and we've all become sort of semi legal experts over the last six months probably probably a bit longer but where's the voice from Everton football. Yeah. Where's the voice keeping this in the media and keeping this on people's agendas and also setting out the proper facts when people are discussing this case because that doesn't seem to be happening at all. The only people pushing it are people like yourselves and then in the public you know in the sort of non Evertonian sphere you've got Andy Bain and he's doing what he can. But he's a politician and I'm sure he's got bigger things to be thinking about so he probably should have but he I mean he's at least he's he seems willing to be talking about it in a way that's from a kind of of course biased Evertonian view but from a sort of slightly different perspective. But where's the where's the X plays from Everton. I mean we don't really have high profile X players who've won trophies. Unfortunately, who are like the super media friendly like a lot of clubs do but it seems like a big missed opportunity not just for this case but for pushing the the clubs kind of PR in general. That should be something that's part of the business plan and part of the kind of ongoing conversation with the club. Yeah, I don't just sense the green. We've spoke about this before about about it. They're not being out. Anyone out there shouting like even last Monday. You know, I just mentioned that they're about Carragher Carragher get asked on Monday night football with you got literally an hour and a half to talk about anything but the actual game that's on that night. And I think they addressed it for about two minutes if that and then basically just wanted to talk about, you know, the cup final the day before, which, you know, because because obviously Liverpool has won it. And yet you would have think that would have thought that was the biggest talking point of the day and could have had someone brought in. Even if it was just over, you know, on a Skype situation or whatever and and just spoke to someone to just get their point of view from an everton angle. But like you said, everyone, everyone talks around us, you know, Rooney, Wayne Rooney was on the overlap showed last weekend. This someone who's got very close links to Evan had been at a club that has had a point of production as a manager. So knows both sides of it and yet wasn't even asked about the situation once. And like it's I know it's we want we want everyone to talk about it. But this does seem like a really important moment for football to get right. And yet and it could massively affect, like we said, the end of the season, the last day of the season could be massively affected. And yet nobody's really wanting to talk about it. It's something that comes and goes and for the Premier League, that's fine. That's exactly what they want. They don't want this to be a big story and we don't want it to be a big story. We don't want to be talking about it all time. It's massively boring. But yeah, I don't know. And I'm sure that Evan's hands are tied with they'll say legally, but you can still have you can still have somebody out there who can be doing all that work for you. And God, yeah, it's difficult. It's a real difficult one. And we're just going to have to put make as much noise as we can ourselves, I think. On to, I mean, something that I'd make it almost irrelevant will be if Evan could actually win games of football. I mean, Saturday presented it. No, but it would, wouldn't it be bad, Crystal Palace er om yn West Amorow? And both games, the opposition were there for the taking in both games. And, you know, we had to come from behind against Palace, but on Saturday after a dreadful first half on two very poor sides, the second half we got in front. And the game was there, you know, Dwight McNeill's missed an open goal for 2-0. We had some other poor decisions from players in the final third, but we end up losing the game that we should never, you know, we should never be in a position to lose the game in my opinion. And we just look, I don't know. This manager once had a proper effort and said he don't know how to win a game. It looks like when he was the bernie manager, well, he seems to have exactly the same issue now as the Everton manager. 10 games without a win and you come out of it. I go to some on Saturday thinking I don't know when we'll win another game because if you can't beat a team that are there for the taking when you win them 1-0, there is big problems right now. Seems like anyway. Yeah, it was mad, wasn't it? It was just how many times have we seen that game as well? Like, not just in the last couple of years, but like in the last, I don't know, 30 years that I've been watching Everton. You know, a couple of late goals at the park end. It's always the park end. We tend to kick the other way on the second half, but it's just always that. Whoever sits in the park end, they just feel for them all the time and you can always just see them just flipping the middle finger up whatever opposition teams for us, just like doing the knee slider to the away fans. The second goal winning, day second goal winning and I just thought that's it. And the third goal of Canada, you know, it was irrelevant to that. We didn't look like we were going to score, but to get in front at home against the team who, you know, it's not like they were firing on all cylinders, West Ham, they were kind of, it was such a nothing game. And their equaliser was actually, I thought, in terms of like header goals from the corner, it was a really good header and it was a really good delivery. And sometimes you've got to go, OK, fair enough, let's just crack on and try and, you know, keep the momentum on. It's a little bit more like momentum from Everton in terms of like getting the ball and keeping it in there half, but we never really looked like we knew what to do with it. That kind of momentum that you build up over time, that's how you get defenders making mistakes where you just kind of, they clear the lines, but it comes back. Which is why teams like City and Liverpool score late goals because there's only so long you can put up with that. We weren't at that level in any way, but we were at least keeping it in terms of the possession a little bit more. But some of the crossing was so bad. I mean, there was a great cross for the goal. A lot of the crossing was just, you know, struggling to beat the first man. It was just a lot of like a lack of pace going forward. And then, you know, the final was, it goes and you think, we've lost again. And I think we've now been conditioned there's ever been fans for so long to almost expect and be resigned to that. And that's a big part of the problem, I think, because there's a lack of culpability from the plays to each other, but from the fans to the team. There's also a kind of resignation there. Well, that's just whatever you do. We just, we lose. You know, we concede late goals at the park end. And then how do we turn that around? I mean, obviously we was also on the pitch. That's the starting point. Do we have some kind of like motivational TED talk? Before starting, you know, rather than zed cars, get someone coming out, get that big tall American fella, get him coming out of, you know, adjusting your mindset. But it was, I had to get in the car and drive to Leeds to do a gig. I was just, I was just, I was just in such a bad mood and I was trying to convince myself, okay, this is no good. I can't go and do this gig with this mindset. So I was just saying, right, it's okay. It's just a game of foot. It doesn't matter. And I was just driving. I was listening to music and I was thinking that's okay. But all the good things of was all me mates were evident fans. All me family were evident fans. I knew I was coming on this show. So I was thinking of you too. At one point, David, he popped into my head. And then I had this weird daydream where, you know, this is a real Star Wars reference, but at the end of episode nine, The Force Awakens, Rey Skywalker's fighting Emperor Palpatine and all the Jedi who've been before her are all speaking to her. And I just had home dead relatives in my head going, that was shite. And it was horrible. I just don't know what we're going to do. Will XG ever pay us back? That's my question. XG's that lad that you knew when you were a kid, isn't he? Remember the someone who borrowed a fiver off you once and you still think about it now? Going on the way he is with my fiver, the prick. That's XG. It's never, ever paying you. And you knew when you're giving the fiver, you were never seeing that fiver ever again. Ever again. And it took her away from us, the little prick. You know what, it's great again. We've been giving four points back and pissed five up the wall in a week. The Brighton in this game should have been two wins. Should have been two wins. That's five points. That's been 30 points. We'd be sitting pretty now. We'd be safe. We'd be safe with one of those two games. And we have conspired to lose on Saturday. And I don't know, I walked out that game and I didn't know who to blame. I was just in shock at it to be honest. I didn't know who to blame. I was like, you know, your first port of call is you want to blame the manager, but I was just like, ultimately, the players not putting the ball in the back of the net are the ones who have cost us, haven't they? I don't know, a 2-0 to make a 2-0. Other opportunities during the game, that should have just had them done and dusted. And we've allowed them to go up the other end of the pitch and get, you know, the first goal. Yeah, it's a good header, but it's soft just to get there and the second one, you know. It's a lazy attempt to block a cross and it's a great finish, but you're standing there just shaking what how on earth have we not won this game? Yeah, it's just, yeah. You just, I'm always like, who can I blame? But I was just like, I don't know, I don't know. You know, the subs were late, could we have done that a bit earlier, but then you look at the bench and just, you just, but it's evident. It's just evident and we've done it again and we could be sitting here very, very comfortable. Very, very comfortable without looking at the next set of fixes thinking, yeah, we'd be all right, but again, you're looking at, you're waiting for the looting game and you've got a look at Dean pops up and becomes, you know, as an Everton hero once again and that's desperate, isn't it? That is absolutely desperate. That was sitting here looking at looting. Right up, born with one yesterday. And we should have been hoping for a draw or looking at Benly to get something because born with the three points. I was thinking, you're like, that's Benly. Benly has gone now. It shouldn't be like this. I don't know. I just think any man and I can't win a game. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he took better off at a ridiculous time in the developers effect in the game so much had just scored and was looking like he was going to get another goal and he took them off to put them on and he thought, this rubbish when he come on. And just things like that put the players in. I don't know. I don't know because other managers of, you know, why is it, like, why was it Lampard's fault when we couldn't win and yet Lampard never went 10 games without a win. Why was it Beater's fault when we couldn't win but it's not this manager's fault? Conversely, with that, how can the players not take responsibility for this and not saying they aren't but I mean, like you just said, Dwight McNeill's got the whole goal to aim at and he kicks it at the only place the goal is at 2-0. Why is Jack Harrison crossing? Why is he rushing crosses when he had loads of time? Cos, you know, you can just go on, can't you? Where's our goalkeeper off corners? Why is he rooted to his line? Instead of coming in clear and zooming out? With Dwight McNeill's goals, or even if we just hold on for 1-0, basically if we win the game and even if Brighton's gone because we should have won that, like, like you said, on Saturday, even then, the table, with those 4 points back, it looks pretty in context. Make sure it's in context for pretty good and then you're looking forward and your whole mood changes. You know, cos I then got to the gig, I was doing in Leeds, I was checking on the Luton Phillips score and I thought, Luton's score, why is this affecting me so much? Luton have put a little spate of like 20 minutes of good play together making me down, rubbish. It is mad, isn't it? Realistically, when you just step, I know we can't step back cos we're all in it, and we all act like, well, that's me for myself, act like a dickhead at times over everything cos it just affects you so much. It's 11, well, it's 20 millionaires having a game of 40 on a pitch, and another 20 millionaires on the opposition, side, all in a squad and we go on, we just watch it and it's not life or death affecting it. You go on, it's a game of 40, but it is, it's like, how is Luton equalising? Just pissed me off so much, you know what I mean? And then, like, you know when you watch American TV shows and sitcoms and stuff and you talk about like, ah, the Yankees lost again or whatever theme it is, and maybe I'm doing them with the service, but I always think you can dip in and out of that. That doesn't feel like, again, if any Americans watching, you might say, look, you're totally wrong there, and maybe that's the way to present it on these shows, but I always feel like I wish I could just, on watching the game, the game finishes, turn the telly off. I think whenever it wins, and they're even mid-table, I think you can do that to a degree, although then I just get really wrapped up in the optimism of the fact that it was up next. So it's so intrinsically woven into who we are, it's part of our personality, isn't it, and it's part of our, like I've talked about, the family history, and if somebody could offer me a hypnosis that would remove evertonian elements from my brain, I don't think I'd do it because I think I need a star. Wait, everything, I still need it. Let me just say this though Sam, right? If you did, if you were a baseball fan and you did feel the same way, right? They play 162 games in a season. I'm acting out miserable your life would be. That's terrible. That's before they get to the playoffs, I think. Didn't they have fan channels like this? They can't. No reactions for that. You're mad reactions, just a phone in your face like that and then upload it, and then, right, preview. You've never got a second to read and digest it. That's why baseball is what they call America's pastime because it can't be anything else because it's like it's like the 12 games. Even the basketball is like 84 games or 88 games or whatever. They play every three days. In fact, that's a lie. They play every other day in some weeks. They'll get the head and the fly in there. I'm asking it. But then maybe you'd sensitise a bit to me. I don't know. It is horrible, isn't it? Because I would, I would give I would love to just that whistle have gone on Saturday and me stand up in my seat walk out of Goddison and just think, oh, that's a game of 40. I'd love that. And then that was it, you know what I mean? You come out of it. You go and see a show or you watch a film or something. You just go, that was good, that or. I was a bit crap that one. And then you don't really give it a second thought. I would honestly say I'm different from you there. I think I'd need that men in black thing to just take the emotion away from results for me. I think my life would be so much better. I still feel sick today that everything I've done around. And yet I had a little reprieve yesterday as my lad scored a 30 a three kick tremendous three. And watching them was like, this is joy. This is like football, that's great. And then I come home and then I'm going, I'll be in again. And you're back on it. You're back on it and then you see you're getting people. And then you're like, oh, I don't want that. I don't want to give a shite about man city or Liverpool. I just want to go. You just want to find a little corner of happiness, don't you? I just also want to do it. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to just go. Everton got beat. All right, who do we play next week? I think Sam's got it easy because going to a gig it's rehearsed and you're bringing joy to somebody else's life. Oh, noble. When I was on the cabs, when I was on the cabs, you're talking two hours after a game, I would be working and I'm taking people into town. I'm not being funny. People are saying put him, put you know, put Tucson or put Radio City on or whatever, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no lad, I'm listening to the arches. Fuck off. I'm sitting here going, no lad. I'm listening to a podcast about death all right and that's the end of it. That is the end of it. That is happier than ever at the moment. Because that is the happiest I've been all day, lad. So pipe down in the back there. Go on, Sam. You come out the ground. Everton have had a disappointing result. You come out, you walk down Gulliton Road. You go past the hot walk and then there's a little gazebo and you go inside and it's like some kind of... Basically you're Igela Stodd there and you just do some madding with the spoon in the air. That would be great. And you just go... You see I talk to some people and honestly it's like some people look like they're ready to jump off the bullens with like not to stop themselves. Like tie their hands and go. I'm hitting the floor and I don't care. And other people are like oh well, we got beat. I'm going for it and I'm like, I would love to be like you. I would love to just go it doesn't touch the side. I'd love my brain to be like a wizard's slave. It just doesn't touch the side. It's a great bit on your Gladys Street reaction from Saturday Ped where you do the little montage from your seat and at the final whistle or just after the final whistle and obviously the sounds are very good as an S. And it's almost like what's that? Is it ASTM? It's like good as an ASMR because I think if the great beyond when we're all no longer here, that would be a great connection back to this life which is just there was about three voices one just kept, one of them might have been yours I don't know but screaming and screaming and it was so end of a bad game of course next. No, listen a lot of people might not like that but I feel like I am the time capsule for Gotherson Park. I feel like when we've left Gotherson and handing out all the bits and bobs and we're all paying 75 quid for you should open the box and that's the noise you should hear when you open the box. Now one of be like one when we've won and you're a grand old and everyone's singing and the other ones should be. I haven't got a gram of phone. Now but if there was three options like you know, or two a win and then a defeat and then the defeat is just to remind you of what it could be like. Put it down. Just press one for boo's two for your a ginger. Press three for what? I mean You can say it but this is just evidence of a fan base that has put up with absolute nonsense for years and it is nonsense it was still putting up with it now and people are making excuses for it and I'm still here and we are excuse FC it was the points like it's not the manager it's we're unlucky to XG it's the play it's everything but all of it but we have got to just start winning games and all the excuses need to be put away and we have to grow up and win games excuses that are made for the manager and for the team are just unbelievable not being funny right when James Garner gets two opportunities to put a corner in the box when you're two on down you know he takes the first one and the ref stops it and then he gets the city does literally it was like the matrix it was like knowing they see the black cat and they go oh that's deja vu and that's what it was like on Saturday's second corner and they go up the end of score it gets the ball back though what's worse is the second ball comes in and it goes back to him and he could cross it and he doesn't he waits and waits and decides to put you out of bowing through it was just so weird nice so weird but listen man you knighted away nice easy one of the weekend all out to be honest having a good way so I would look at old staff and go these aren't great is there any value in a conversation about evidence being the first professional football team to have different coaches for home games I think so like in American football don't they have like well I suppose they have that in football as well attacking coach defensive coach but they should take the team for them games you'd always want deja vu they literally have two different teams don't they like a defensive team and an offensive team but you'd always want deja vu cos he knows what he's doing at home it's difficult because we need to we don't attack enough and it's so scattergun do you proud even Saturday we've ended up and you look at it and go oh they had 20 shots or something actually watch the things it's so scattergun there's no build up anyway there's no patterns and to be fair there's no patterns on the lamp and there's no patterns underneath us there's got to be someone who'd be bringing maybe dice brings attacking coaching who just works on that you're not putting your hand up you're not putting your hand up going I'm no good at that cos quite clearly defensive structure he is very good at so bring someone in to help you bring someone in who's creative because we need some idea don't we I just want to talk about Sam's top trump snakes okay they need to be a bit of context before we recorded Sam Sander like he'd been electrocuted so we inquired after his well-being to which he'd replied it was his snake his packet of top trump snakes which needs to be investigated a bit more well you can say that but there's no evidence to prove that first card, Nick Bambi okay see classic I mean these were a staple of the playground when we were kids they were coming back and if anyone doesn't know it's a pack of cards different packs different versions of different things snakes, trucks, footballers whatever else and you just compare them Sam's got a pack of snakes first of all I want to know who went round and checked all of these snakes their abilities and you know decided who was going to give so I mean just pull a card out and give us not only the type of snake you've pulled out but also the sort of abilities of it I guess they called so this one's called Russell's Viper which in life of recent news stories might have a different connotation that's not a move on there's a better one there's one here called if I can find it it's called Boom Slang which I think is a word that we should be using didn't he play for Newcastle on Rangers? he was on it come from PSV I've got my luck on Adam I've got average size 160cm average offspring 10 pair one so he's quite plastered so he's plastered he's quite a friendly little chap Denham score 39 and then Top Trums Top Trums rating 86 so it's out of 100 isn't it generally? I think some of them are out of 100 I think some of them are out of 5 it's very confusing so you don't really know what you're doing well go on they get a diff it seems very much like the Premier League rules get another one Sam pull us another snake he sounds menacing he sounds menacing he's got temper one again quite plastered really saying that one have we got this the wrong way? I think we might have this the wrong way I reckon he's in the top one bracket Cobras a Bastards Eastern Green Mamber is also temper one the Banford Seacrate temper one if you're just very plastered if they are, if they're plastered are you reading them wrong? am I snake lexic? I think maybe snakes are kind of alright if you don't bother them if you don't eat them with a stick they're generally sharned or if you don't kidnap them they're not like snakes aren't going round knocking like having pub fights I don't know I've never been in a snake pub any pub they're not turning up they're not going into pubs why would they want to go into pubs? that's where a lot of knobheads go but why would the snakes want to go in there? I'm sure the snakes sat a ram doing a snake cast going humans are alright they're not turning up into a swamp party you know when a jungle having a go there was Planet Earth Planet Earth 3 was just being on with David Attenborough and there was like a village in India where the snakes just a part of the culture and there's just like these killer snakes and they don't bother them we leave them dead sand the snakes are like why would we bite them these are sand fellas and women these are sand the letters in the pub there's no messing there you go no one's checking IDs on the door I did have a game with top chums with me so months where a couple of packs got mixed together so he had snakes and I had some monster trucks I was trying to that's a battle you want to shoot that's a film monster trucks vs snakes is a film ready to be made isn't it let's be honest that's what we all want to see did you have any top chums as a kid then I had like the best cars cars were the traditional ones wasn't it unbelievable cars speeds and all of that wasn't it a bit confusing wasn't it because you just choose will choose speed on this one knowing you had like bringing Lamborghini I thought you played it it was all of them wasn't it there was ways wasn't it maybe yeah I think you just made it what you made your own top chums we made our own we just had stones and we compared stones how grey is your stone nine well man's ten fuck off I don't think Sam talks like that to me when I'm poor at day one is that the top chums we butter some lad on it the more poor you are the more northern you are everyone knows that apparently is that the top chums real is it the country where you're at Pornish it says in the wealth top chums it's like yeah how sudden are you you're very rich if you are you're one or ten well that's fair that's again talking of northern and shite and stuff like that Sam have you seen I'm sure you have because everyone's seen it and I don't know if you've even put it in one of your shows who knows but this Glasgow Willy Wonker experience which is being called a farce are you aware of this I am aware of it it was amazing and to anyone who says oh the poor kids and parents who went you're lying to yourself because every single one of us loves these stories and you come out healthy every now and again but normally it's Christmas and it's like Santa Land in Milton Keynes and some fella with ginger days pretending to be Father Christmas now I find it's bad but it doesn't work and he's smoking Rollies and he's thinking of Vosene he's got Rudolph he's like a wheelie bin with a red nose stuck to the front and all the kids look dead upset this is brilliant, this was in February so we were treated to this and it looked, I mean I wish it was still open because I'd go what I love is if you'd like AI for the poster the poster's incredible but I would want to go to the poster but the actual place looks like where in Reservoir Dogs where they had the busy and they cut his ear off that's what it looks like it was built as a celebration of chocolate in all its delightful forms but it ended up a tragic tale a tragic tale of an un pal un pa sung I just love that it was in Glasgow it's, please recall to a venue in Glasgow after furious families called them we're going to the Wanker Experience we're going to the Wanker Experience we're going where? Wanker Experience like it sounds if you're in Glasgow after the Wanker Experience straight off the bat I think there's a problem there I think they got the location wrong straight from the off well the house of the organiser, the house of Illuminati I mean if that doesn't get your if that isn't getting you thinking what's happening here maybe he's been done maybe he's seen 35 pound the tickets for an immersive experience at least on the film and the best thing about it is the event publicity promised giant mushrooms candy canes and chocolate fountain with special audio and visual aspect all narrated by dancing un pal un pa sung the best thing is maybe what they thought was if we just give everyone a giant mushroom on the way in then it would look like the Wanker Experience that would date you wouldn't need anything else the best thing is the children were offered half a cup of lemonade and some jelly beans so they never actually got any chocolate the only thing that what happened was the girl had been given one bag of jelly beans to share so she started off apparently with like half a cup of jelly beans as well but realised she was going to run out of jelly beans so in the end they ended up getting two jelly beans and a quarter cup of lemonade that's how bad it was would have been swearing his head would have been fuming the script apparently was written by AI and the villain was called the unknown who was an evil rival chocolate maker who lives in walls it's like damp who lives in walls where you make ice cream or walls where it's just like damp that's it it's it only Britain in it somebody said it was like a meth lab imagine scrolling through the trip there's a comment and you just see that well to be honest that does sound not dissimilar from the book and the two films it's just a bit of a mad place but if welly Wonka looks like Rab Sines but I think you can probably ask for your money back I think that's probably one of the rules in it it is absolutely crazy the girl's face was incredible the one I was working in someone's such a pity they've literally just gone into a warehouse they've put a pity it's like a little pitjet on a big wall it's actually British you know what I mean it's absolutely terrible I remember this happened years ago Mr Blobby Land in Mochum it was like the same people were going insane they'd been ripped off and everything no leadman just at the back counting the money you had kids getting half a cup of lemon it's absolutely crazy it's so British that's literally what's great about our country I think what we just set up I know what we'll do no we are the country of bad scams and we've literally just get scammed every day of all that apparently it done a Christmas thing where they got local businesses to donate everything and they were going to have an event isn't the government and they were going to have an event where they handed it out to children like underprivileged children and they had to cancel the event that's like a guy I used to work with he was leaving and we all had a collection and we got him about 200 quid and the day he was leaving they offered him a new contract and he stayed and we were like can we have our five quid back it's been years ago we were all sketchy and now he's charging 35 quid for Willie Wonker and he lives in the air as well what's mad is it that he actually did a sketch on Saturday Night Live of Barry I need to watch that just to see the Scottish actor if it's anywhere it's good put it this way Baz you've both seen the Harry Potter sketch they did and Sidney Sweeney was on this week's Saturday Night Live so I think we might be watching that just to see how they did it just to see how they did it but a company with the name the House of Aluminar do you expect them to be trustworthy I would Lawrence Fox there at the front with an ex-liverpool and self-handsom player pick one pick one not saying the name to the same pick one of course Sam asked us to suggestions for this and I'm rubbish at things like Hollywood Biophics oh yeah so I don't know where to keep this for next week but the second one we will do because that's a good one so what are life's simple pleasures that's Sam's question things like you make yourself a cup of tea and forget about it and you say it and you're like oh my god I've got a drink because as everyone gets hung up on the big things don't they want to try to be happy and healthy is there anything more upsetting now than thinking you've still got it bro and you've changed you've gone full evident you've just turned a good thing into a negative no no cos we'll go back to the good thing but I'm just thinking you think you're watching something and you're amazed unlike the Wonker and you think I'll just have a bro and you beat you over in the tension on that same line when you've got like these fruit bars from Aldi and there's three biscuits in the pack someone's doing well you eat the second and you eat the third that's the order but sometimes I think I've got one left and I've reached for the third one and I've already eaten it but I've eaten it mindlessly and it's heartbreaking it's a bit strong why are we saying this to a negative but if we're going to say negative I'll say the last negative the cup of tea that you realise and it's cold cold and people say microwave it but I microwave socks so do you? have you never had a situation where you're down to your last pair of socks and they're sitting there and they're drying and you're halfway out the door and you're like this sounds like Ned no you're halfway out the door and you're like I need those socks pronto what can I do it's two minutes in the microwave ding hang on not only have you got dry socks you've got warm socks so microwave dry socks simple place or another simple pleasure is again in a similar way it's a cold day it's a wet day you've been out the day before you've had your gloves on they're on the radiator you're about to go out the door again you say I need my gloves and you realise they are still on that radiator you put them on and they are warm and toasty that's a pleasure toasty bills there you go TBS what else are you thinking of Sam those lovely little pleasures but I think watching a complete stranger in the street standing dog muck is joyful is joyful what about the human element of this what about a complete stranger just falling over in the street is there not a joke to that is there a better one for you if there's a patch of ice that you know about no cos that's that's border and on evil where Sam's is a real genuine delight what watching someone standing dog show no we saw that it's cup of tea making a broom for getting a bar of that paper but that's like that is what he means that kind of thing he's the one who said it not me were you having a go with me for cos you've took it to a dark place I don't find people falling over funny no okay I do that's you isn't it but then again I watch I really enjoy a traffic disaster investigation shows so do you know what I mean cos you've always got to be prepared your life is I watched a 20 minute video on youtube today cos they said you might have found a little bit of joy on mh370 not the plane crash I thought that was exceptional tell me the link what was that to you so much to say you may have found a wing but then lost it again he found the wing and then lost it how did you lose your plane wing the massive he was a fisherman and he said he was pulling he pulled his net up from like the bottom and he said there was a wing there and he said but the problem was it was so heavy that if it didn't let it go the boat was going to tip over or something it sounds legit to me so surely did go to where he was then and actually well they won't come out and they won't come out and that basically what the 20 minute piece was about was like that they won't come out and spend any more money on it because if they find it basically they'd have to pay out endurance this has had the joyful twist hasn't it I wonder who brought it we were on a cup of tea that you'd sort of forgot and it's still good levels of drink and that does bring you joy throw another positive one on planes but without plane crashes when you're on a plane it only happens to me once and you get the two seats next to you empty for like a long journey so you've got the you can lie down the only problem with that is that means you're on your own on the plane doesn't it which is another joy it sounds like a joy somewhere it sounds like a joy for Sam that seems quite happy with that I always find in the little trees Solitude isn't it and the two different things I'd say definitely one and I've mentioned it many a times it's when you bite into a Kit Kat and it's all chocolate see that is the dream that's the dream you get the full solid chocolate there because Kit Kat's a nice and you know that's a nice and you accept the wafer middle but you bite into it and it's solid and it's weird because you could have chosen to bite into a full chocolate bar but there's something about it it's the surprise element there expectations expectations over the liver what you've done is you've tricked your own mouth into thinking you're getting a thing and then you've got something way better well it's not how to live life it's not how to manage expectations really loud to tell people I'm going to be there at a certain time and then get there 10 minutes early but this is what's happened with everything our expectations were low but we didn't think they were that low we've been managing our expectations for years and the fact that we're so miserable now shows how bad it is that's true I don't know where to bring this back we keep coming back the full chocolate every time we throw joy we just can't helpify misery in the joy and I think nothing says evertonian then find the misery in a bit of joy can we have a bit of joy to see if we can hold on to that bit of joy I don't know I don't know what that means driving down a motorway right and then you get to a little section where the road's just been tarmacked and it's suddenly very smooth the quiet smoothness it's quiet and it only lasts sometimes for a quarter of a mile how horrible is it again going back to the negative how horrible is it when you're driving on like the motorway and you know there's sections there's one on the M56 going if you go over the bridge and then you're coming towards Edd and Sir Wales you're hit a bit towards the end of that where it dips down the sections are conquered you just did that you know you're hitting like a section of road and then you hit the fresh tarmac and then it goes quiet again that's incredible and you know what another one is and again it's negative but it's got to be a positive for me because I've got to do something positive about it breaking wiper blades on your car mine has started that I've been in your car with a wiper blade I've literally every time they've gone across your windscreen I've took glass off like literally the windscreen is now about a millimetre thick I've gotten changed you just see a sheet of glass go off people are like diving out the way of big sheets of glass I've gotten changed after that this is the bit in between like banters, the rubber show you know that it's not smooth so the joy for me will be little joy replaced I'm not little joy but kill joy love joy kill joy kill joy kill joy kill joy what is one which is weird but some people might find joy in it when you look at your instruments and you just see on your car not to know if you like looking at your double bits in your bedroom or your trombone go with leave my double bits alone and you look at your instrumentation and you just see as it ticks over and it's just like a threshold like 5000 miles there's a satisfaction there's a sadness when you know it's coming and then you completely forget about it and you mix it back up a mile that's that's because you're looking at the roads possibly you're trying to dodge bits of my windscreen on sections of road there's a great bit on the M60 my favourite bit of road in this whole country I do a lot of driving motorway charts on the 1870 sponsored by RAC where I don't know if it's the two bits of the road joining but as you drive over it kind of goes so like he's standing like it's the Terminator I'll tell you what next week on the podcast we'll be discussing our favourite favourite stops on motivation have you got a favourite? ironically I've got a favourite I've got my worst ones as well as keeping it negative listen we encompass it all we can have a top 3 have you ever seen a next Royal Butler service station Sam just what I know where to avoid I don't think I have now but the stage continues leave it there okay I'll ask you that once we've stopped recording no no I'm not sure with that reference but there you go and you know what you should bring me to you and it doesn't any more I just looked at the shape behind you and the yak you should score for us in the ideal that brought me lots of joy unbelievable I don't think it's back to the negative but they did bring you what could they do to bring joy without being in a trophy buy good players that make me happy buy players that I go what about just winning some games that would be a start but buying some players like entertainers I like this fella Hammerswood Regus was the last one I like this fella I've got a bit of that with Brant Wait Brant Wait I appreciate and I like him when he's a fine player he doesn't really bring me joy though like just seeing a fella turn someone inside out and just being standing up and going you're amazing you can do that all day mash him on him effinlessly that would be lovely when I watch Brant Wait though he's like a pigeon amongst peacocks no a peacock amongst pigeons he's what haven't you got that on my hands even if you like pigeons pigeons are a shite Andy well it's golden and sparse Andy golden and sparse illuminating it was the pigeons the pigeons designed it pigeons are behind everything Andy apparently so Leticia Lawrence Fox I thought you weren't going to name people no you can mention Leticia I just wasn't going to mention the ex Liverpool and Southampton striker Ricky Lambert I just wasn't going to mention him not in any well that's factually correct he did play for Liverpool and he does like going to the town hall in Liverpool not the town house he might like the town house I don't know very clean good parking and I got it over the road where you can get new social value from Sam you surely have heard my town house story haven't you surely it's the greatest story of all time and I think we'll have to finish the podcast on this note very very quickly and I'll just say are you aware of what the town house is is it a pub it's a swingers club in Baconet oh no oh it's tremendous mate honest I've never been you're saying it like it's never been but go on google and it's it's complimented on it's free parking and how clean it is which if you're a swinger is exactly what you want isn't it well of course I read the story very very quickly the abridged version when I was on the cabs picking on Uber picked up in town young gentlemen two girls got in and they were like the destinations already free so I'm driving them to Baconet I'm like I don't know where I'm going you stop off a dish garage over the road in Baconet and they come out and honestly genuinely they've got a bottle of lucaside each and a power bar you know like an energy power bar and I'm like this is weird I've not long started and literally so the chatting and the get out and one of the girls had this dress on and straight away she was so distressed it was like yeah that's something that you would see on it was basically being made out of rubber and I swear to God they both had their lucasides in hand and their power bars and he grabbed both of them by the hand and also one of the girls had a massive drag and tattoo on her thigh which is another giveaway isn't it and he grabbed both of them by like not even the hand by the wrist and he both turned around for both of them and he went are you ready for this and they both just went yes and they literally it was like do you remember Smooth Criminal the video Michael Jackson when the door opened to the club and all you see is like white light and smoke like a bit like stars in your eyes do you know what I mean tonight Matthew and he literally with so much purpose stormed into this club and I was just like wow cos it was baking it it wasn't even like big time baking it it was like under a railway bridge baking it but this like energy energy it gets to you first stormed into it and I literally just went oh my God something must be going on got on google it's time out and suddenly the energy power bars the lucasade it all made sense it all made and but I mean honestly it's one of the greatest stories ever and I could add bits to it if I wanted but it doesn't need bits adding to it it's such a simple story it's like honestly it's like one of the greatest stories ever told cos it's so simple the power bars the lucasade the free parking the clean the software all the many levels milth mundies honestly this place has got it all it's got it all it's time out so you need to do some research cos there's so much content milth mundies it's a here it is here you go what day did you reckon Ricky went oh chewy Tuesday possibly what a place it's incredible on a freaky Friday with Ricky Lambert and there's honestly could be any many levels of it and different floors of different things but all I know is that it's clean and it has good parking and what else do you want from a swingers club and like you said the garage that sells power bars and lucasade but energy must stop on lucasade must now gonna need your energy and your energy you know get your energy probably got those little tamerich and ginger shots in there as well in case you need that protein bars there and a couple of aspirin there you go Michael aspirin just to keep you get you ready apparently there you go let's leave it at that let's leave it at that what a positive weight of finish that's what she said or which one which one of the two who knows both of them maybe the girl with the dragon tattoo fair play right leave it there before we get into trouble right thank you very much to Sam Avery for joining us hopefully he'll be here next week as well when we will be discussing favourite service stations and sandwich waste let us know in the comments have you ever seen a celebrity at a service station that has to be discussed why not make sure you like to subscribe give it a 5 star review all of that stuff and we will see you later bye