 Okay, here we are day three and a man That's coming to the stage right now all the way from New York as you can see on his PowerPoint He is from date hotter girls.com and also contributes to TSB Magazine really fun guy took the trip all the way down here to Orlando to speak at the 21 convention for the first time he's got 45 minutes to better game, but he's gonna be up here for 60 So make sure you take advantage of every second ladies and gentlemen give it up for Rob judge All right, awesome guys. Thank you for coming out A lot of you probably have no idea who I am So I don't want to spend a lot of time up here introducing myself All you really need to know about me is like Peter said my name is Rob from New York City my favorite color is green I like coffee love women and I was probably in a worse place than any of you sitting here When I started that so that's pretty much the bare bone facts You need to know and I just want to get right into the speech because I don't have a lot of time But I want this to be a speech that impacts all of you that you what you can listen to what I had to say right now And take this out tonight and translate that into better game. So When I when I was kind of preparing this speech, I I was thinking about it like what would be the best things What would be the best things to talk about and it's always tempting to to go over like the amazing things to say or like the Smooth strategies of the under the radar attraction techniques, you know the classic the classical what you call game And it's so tempting to talk about that because you know what everyone rags and that stuff, but secretly that's what we all want Right, it's so easy. It's so simple just to learn some turnkey tactics go out to the bar and use them But I'm not going to do it because it won't help in the long run and this is what my speech is going to focus on It's going to focus on two things Effectively communicating with yourself and effectively communicating with women because if any of you know Zach and myself if you've read any of my articles if you're familiar with us, you know that Zach and I are two Normal guys. We're just regular guys. I'm not like a pickup superhero I don't go out and talk to the whole club my whole my whole philosophy on meeting and attracting women It's about Enjoying the woman. It's not about being social. It's not about impressing guys. It's not about learning a bunch of pickup tactics I don't give a shit about any of that. That's what's ridiculous in my opinion The only thing I care about is to see the girl that I like the girl I'm attracted to the girl that could potentially change my life and know how to how to have a good chance of Picking her up of getting her number of getting around in a date making her my girlfriend That's that's all I'm interested in and I hope that's all that you guys are interested in too That's all I'm gonna talk about today so The way to do that the most effective way to do that is to change your mindsets in my opinion I look around this room. None of you need to add anything to your personality You're all probably awesome guys You're all probably funny witty and you know that you have this part of your personality already developed The way you are around your friends I'm sure all you have cool friends all you go out know how to have fun kick back But the problem is when you see that girl in front of you all of a sudden all that drops out the window You forget how to be that cool charismatic fun guy that all you already have So my opinion is it's not about adding things to your personality It's not about adding wines or tactics or strategies. It's only about changing the way you think the way you view the world So that way when the girls in front of you. It's not this big epic battle. It's not this epic affair so um You know was really values. That's your perception What you what you value is the way you're gonna see the world So like I said, like you're all already a cool funny awesome guys around your friends But the way you're looking at things it makes it hard to translate that when the girls in front of you Because really attraction and I've seen this play out over and over again It's just a self-fulfilling prophecy the way people treat you It's just a reflection of how you see them and how you see them is just a reflection of the values You've been taught and the problem is a lot of the values that society teaches you or even the pickup industry teaches you It's not conducive to success It doesn't put you in that headspace where you're walking up to the girl assuming that she likes you You're walking up with all these all these doubts all these issues all these things going through your head That's just gonna hold you back from be able to communicate your personality So the thing is some of the stuff I might say might be offensive to you You might you might get butt hurt over what I have to say up here because you know, I did I know when I first started out I had a very I read all the books and read all the theory and I went out practice this stuff And I had a very concrete way of how I saw or how I how I thought attraction worked And I remember I used to like hear people say stuff that contradicted what I thought worked and I would get like pissed off I would like go on message boards and like write like two page responses to people like telling them that like a direct game couldn't work And that's just ridiculous and you know it I got so offended But what I didn't realize is if I had just looked at things objectively I could have taken that like that that That opposing viewpoint and translated into success. I'll tell you a story. It's funny When Zach and I were first starting out with this stuff And we were really trying to like perfect our our theory and our philosophy and try to really, you know Get to the bottom of what attraction really is. I remember there was this this time We were in this this pub in Wall Street You just imagine like it's a hustle bustle people are running around, you know waitresses are Everywhere and I remember I saw this waitress that I was just absolutely White drawn to she was absolutely beautiful and I was watching her walk You know walk around and Zach and I were sitting there And this is when we still very much believed in that you had to like go indirect and go under the radar and tell her a Bunch of stories and do all the stuff before she could like you and I remember I said to Zach I said you know what there's no way I can go up to this girl and do all the stuff But I have to meet this girl. I have to approach this girl So I'm just gonna go up to her and I'm gonna tell her she's hot And she should give me her phone number and we'll see how it goes and Zach was like oh shit man I'll do it but I was like no no I'm doing it I'm doing it so got up and as I was getting up I remember I turned around to Zach and I was like look if I if I get kicked out Just meet me outside and I was dead serious I literally thought if I told the girls attracted to her I would get like my ass kicked or I'd get kicked out of a bar or You know or like mystery was gonna like appear out of a cloud and be like don't tell your gay first You know, I just literally thought that This was like this is my belief system that I thought this could never work But I you know I was willing to try it went up stopped there told her she was hot Surprisingly, she was happy about it and gave me her phone number and this was like this was like amazing to me This was this totally contradicted everything I had learned up to this point and it was it was so hard to accept that It was so hard to throw away all my old values And this is why I understand what all you guys are going through and I understand when guys go on message boards They flame each other and they they have these like dick wars over over whose methods better and whose theory You know like we all laugh about it We all make fun of those guys, but I understand where they're coming from because I came from there too So again, if I say stuff that's offensive or challenges your values I just ask you to be patient with it to give it a try keep an open mind All right Because ultimately why are we all here? What why are you guys sitting here to get girls? That's the answer and so funny answers so fucking obvious But at the same time so many people don't do this to get women They they do it to be more social they do it to improve their their their pick-up skills They do it to impress guys and I'm gonna go all you know We're gonna we're gonna look at all those different things, you know throughout this talk, but I Just want you guys to just make sure you know why you're doing this you're doing this because you love women It's out of a love for women a genuine curiosity a genuine Attraction to women and wanted to improve that and that's awesome, and that's that's why you're all sitting here So just keep that in the back of your mind as I you know go through my slides here So you have to say no to dick logic dick logic is what I what the term I use for Stuff that makes perfect sense to guys like when you read this stuff You're like oh, this is awesome. I can't wait to go out and do this, but it does not appeal to women Okay, it's advice by men for men Maybe if you're picking up guys, you know try out some dick logic, but if you want to meet women forget it Okay, and dick logic. I'm gonna throw a couple of examples out here I don't think you need to go out and demonstrate that you're pre-selected before a girl could be attracted to you I like I don't think some girl like if I see a girl. I'm attracted to you I don't think oh I need she needs to see me with like 13 girls before I go up and approach her I don't believe you need to get this state to get girls I think that's absurd What you need to go talk to three girls before you could approach the girl you like You know like that's just if you if you put that theory into your head again It's a self-fulfilling prophecy if you believe oh, I need to do a warm-up set or oh I need to do a certain number approaches before I could feel I could feel natural or normal then That's the way you're gonna feel, but I don't believe that shit. I think that's all dick logic I think that's stuff that guys have said to you and now you believe it But I think it's bullshit because I know myself when I believed it it was true But once I threw that out once Zach and I because I watched that means that would go out And I watch that go up to the first girly to approach and go home with there and I did Where's where's the three warm-up sets? Where's where's uh, you know also where's the pre-selection all the stuff and I realized this is all stuff that just men made up And it's just absurd so I don't believe in it and again Like I said before this talk is all about just getting you to that point where you can just see the girls You want to get them and without all this all this nonsense in between You know and I'm breaking up the bromance guys like the bromance is over It's all about getting girls not getting high fives from guys like I don't care about if I'm loved by by the layer the internet You know whatever I'm just all about all I care about is that I'm with girls that I find attractive and to be quality women So again, so focusing on women Focusing on women that really that really sifts away a lot of the bullshit. It only matters about two people There's two people you need to effectively communicate those two people are first yourself Effective communication begins with yourself It's what I was saying before to your values the way you see the world because if you can effectively communicate with yourself If you're in tune with your personality that that's that that's a starting point and then you just translate that to her So two people yourself and her the only two people you need to effectively communicate with all right Um, so let's let's spend a little time just just Solidifying how to how to effectively communicate with yourself. So empowering mindsets seeing girls as girls, you know It's I see it or I know I'm from New York I see it over and over guys are going out like to go into the fucking Middle Earth to do battle with women like look These girls are not Gandalf like they're not like the dragon you have to slay. Okay? This isn't this isn't a military operation like I see these guys come into the club I'll be sitting there at my favorite and my favorite rooftop bar with like my girlfriend or or girl I'm talking to and all of a sudden I see like the fucking door kick in and like eight guys like swarming the place And they're going like in eight different directions and they're they're they're like all wingman You know you these like three letter acronyms dude. This is not a military operation. It's meeting girls It's the most natural awesome thing you could do with your time Why make it into this epic battle like we're not going to Middle Earth for those you went out last night, you know It's like and you know, I see a lot of smiles and that's cool because it should be fun It should be just like a fun thing. It's like when me when Zach and I go out It's going out my best friend to meet girls. What could be cooler than that? That's like that's all I'm doing. I'm going to do two things. Maybe three things hanging out my friends meet girls and Possibly get drunk. That's it. That's all I want to do, you know, so again Take this idea of pick up being this epic warfare or this this battle this grand duel with women Just just just eliminated. They're just girls and not only that but they're girls that Want to meet you and this is this is a belief that was so hard for me to accept But once I did my game my quote-unquote game skyrocketed Okay, because if you think about it and really I know a lot of people have brought this up But really just think about this for a second How much would your game change if you approach girls believing like truly believing they wanted to meet you How much would it change what you did what you said, okay? Like really think about that. How would it change the opener? You know how it changed the opener there be no fucking opener Why would you need an opener if the girl already wanted to talk to you if the girls attracted to you? Why throw out like some kind of like wild opener? Why I had to do anything all you had to do just go up and talk to her Why do you need like strategies or why or ways to talk to her ways to get her invested ways to like knock herself? It's self-esteem down a little bit. I don't see it at all. Why would I have to do that? But I woke up to girls I see them as girls that already want to meet me because it's so funny, you know, I Have girlfriends That and I talked to them. They tell me like it's so funny because they know what I do And then they can identify pickup guys very very very quickly and my I was just talking my my girlfriend Kelly last night And she was saying oh my god Like I met one of those guys that studies that stuff you teach and so funny this guy was so cute and was so funny But then he acted so weird like why does he have to do this stuff? You know he was saying all these lines and doing all this stuff like he doesn't have to do this And you know that's a thing These girls are just out to meet you the going to the club. They're getting dressed up They want to meet cool guys So there's no so drop out all the stuff that doesn't that doesn't If it doesn't promote you hooking up with her or you meeting her you getting her number let it go drop it out You don't need it Because that's a thing much so much a pickup theory indicates that you don't believe the girl wants to meet you even compartmentalizing like a pickup into openers and and and you know vibing and storytelling and comfort and rapport that stuff You just be natural It's not stuff to think about and when you compartmentalizing it and saying oh I need to work on this aspect of my pickup That means that you don't believe the girl genuinely wants to meet you because like she's not thinking about this She's not sitting there saying oh, how can I build comfort with this guy? How can I get into rapport? How do I how do how do I transition into a sexual life? She's not thinking this so why should you if you start thinking it you're gonna make it weird You're gonna you're gonna freak her out All right, cuz on a typical night out like again, I see these guys in New York they act like fucking buffoons It's complete clownery. I like they walk into the club, right? I mean and I'll give you a very specific story. I remember there was this night that um the Zach and I were out and We saw this guy just outrageous like Peacock in his tits off You know high-five and everyone spinning girls around talking at talking a mile a minute merging sets doing all this stuff and he knew we were so he came over to us and he He started like machine-gunning questions that I was like how to get the 30-second make out How to? Transition into a sexual vibe with the threesome with the model, you know All he always like really like typical questions you'd expect from a guy like this and I just looked at him And I was like I was like look Question on my best night on my best night. How many approaches do you think I do? How many I thought this was a really simple question. I thought this was a really really simple question But this guy looks so confused. I felt bad for us. I thought steam was gonna start coming out of his ears You know it was just he was just like he was doing like mental math You're trying to figure it out and if I ask you guys that how many approaches you think I do on my best night Exactly one approach my best nights one approach one girl one happy Rob. That's it like There's no reason for me to do a bunch of warm-up approaches look literally I mean, I'm not saying every night it goes like this I'm not saying every night the first girl I approach is the girl that um that that you know I end up with you know for the rest of the night. That's not necessarily always the way it goes down But that's the number I'm thinking in my head. I don't go out thinking. Oh, I should do three warm approaches Then do my approach. I don't go out thinking. Oh, I need to demonstrate social proof I don't go out thinking. Oh, I need to show I'm pre-selected. I think to myself I'm going out to do one approach and if that one doesn't go well I'll do another one so so that's really like that's kind of thinking that like you really need to shift to if you want to like Really make this completely completely normal if you want to be able to do this around your friends that aren't aren't your pickup friends Because I know that like your your non pickup friends They see you running around talking to a bunch of girls and you tell them Oh, I need to talk to these girls before I can talk to that girl They're gonna be like why it's so weird and it is weird and if it's weird to like normal people it's gonna be weird to everyone especially girls and So this is um, this is really this is really important Because I bring this up is on the myth of perfection and the reason this is so important is because this ties in with the idea of needing a lot of approaches is that a lot of guys think that they need to go out and They need to approach a lot of people and get into state and develop and have all these tactics and stuff because The approach has to be perfect I'm sure in your head that like if you could imagine like any of the instructors up here when they talk to girls It seems like they have like these amazing things to say and they have they're always controlling the frame or or super confident And and they're like the the escalation is very very smooth and like nonchalant and I mean honestly my I'm not like that. If you watch me I'm sloppy. I make mistakes. Sometimes I'll be drunk and I'll be talking to girls I'll just say stupid shit. Um, and you know what? I see that as ideal This is another way to think about it Ideally your approach will suck but the girl will like you anyway because you know what happens then the bar set super low If she already likes you and your approach sucked you can only go up from there. That's a thing, you know It ties in with the opener, right? It's just opener fallacy. It's like Everyone's always searching for the perfect opener. It's like the question I always get asked like oh, what's the perfect opener? What's the best pickup line? How can I get this girl to talk to me? And you know, it's funny Zach and I had the perfect opener We were obsessed with this for a while and we figured it out. Look. I'm a writer. We drafted this opener We did like revisions. We tried it We I must have approached at least at least 500 girls with this one opener and this opener was the shit Okay, this was like it seemed nonchalant and I would tell you guys what it is But I don't even want to do it because it won't help you It'll only hurt you if I gave you the perfect opener like the most Shakespearean material to spit it girls to open a conversation It would just fuck you over in the end and the reason for that is because where are you gonna go from there? The bar set so high now like if you go up and you're like and you're like James Bond Where are you gonna take that like there's such an act So my opinion is if you any of you have seen my my infield videos or see me out with girls You'll hear the same thing. Hey, I thought you're adorable. I wanted to meet you Hey, I thought you're adorable. I wanted to meet you sometimes. I don't even say worse I'm not just mumble because my opinion is if I could open with that I could only go up I open like a fucking Neanderthal and then all of a sudden she sees on this like this educated guy like like I'm like I can only go up from there So I advocate setting the bar Extremely low on terms of like the material you think that's okay because if you set that bar low It's gonna make you so much more attractive Like what do you think's more attractive the material you say or how you react to it? But if you have this there's like built-up image in your head that you need the perfect opener and the perfect approach All of a sudden when that doesn't because you would never be perfect And you're gonna make a mistake at some point when you make that mistake You're gonna go into a tailspin you're all of a sudden you say oh shit like I shouldn't have said that blah blah blah And that's why guys who get into this and study too much material get neurotic because they build this image in their head And yeah, you know what the marketing copy that you read on websites and the hype and all this stuff It definitely doesn't help because that stuff also puts forth the idea in your head that oh I need this perfect approach I need I need the perfect opener. I need the perfect banter lines. I need scripted material You don't need any of that trust me. So I had all that material I had I had I had the best I didn't say I had the best scripted material probably anyone any instructor in this community I would go out and just practice this stuff non-stop again. I'm a professional writer I used to sit down and write this stuff up I used to like study old material and come up with my own my own routines And I will go out and try it and try it and try it and try it and you know what didn't get me shit It never got me the girlfriend I wanted it never got me any kind of real measurable success when I actually really started to like meet and attract and date The like like our company says like the hotter girls like the really really quality girls every guy wants when I actually Like to accomplish that it was because that's I took the bar and I said it way low I took it and put it down here because I have figured you know what I Can't keep his act up forever. I can't just go out and do all this like crazy shit You know and constantly, you know keep up this like little song and a dance for a girl fuck that I'll go out. I'll just be myself and I'll I'll walk up to her with these empowering mindsets and that's what's gonna get the girl so really important And once you do that, you're gonna take the pressure off yourself and start making it fun I mean you're there to meet girls, right? So just take that pressure off be okay with with imperfection and go out and just have a blast All right, so now I want to move into another point of my talk, which is your motivation Now we already went over the objective The objective is obviously to get girls is to meet women is to get better with your skills of meeting and attracting You know really quality women, but there has to be a motivation behind that and no one really talks about this because it's very abstract It's not necessarily Something that's easy to put your finger on right because we all know the guys get into this for all different motivations Like are you trying to like possess women? It's that you know Maybe it was like a relationship that went really bad and you don't even know it But you're just doing this to get back at women to try to like even the score feel good about yourself you know get you know, you think maybe if you Bang a bunch of girls. You'll get some kind of self-esteem from that or some derive some kind of identity from that Maybe you're just looking to improve your pickup skills. It gives you a sense of power It you know it gives you sets of belonging Maybe it's you want to become more social Maybe like, you know, you know, you're an introvert and it's something that that's really important that you learn how to Become more extroverted. Maybe it's you know, you want to impress the guys at the layer you want to you know, look really cool in front of your friends and I Went through a lot of these motivations and and and you know how you know it I remember I would like there was a point when I would be like Making out with a girl in a club and I'd be looking around seeing like if the guys I went out with We're seeing this, you know, and that's not that's not a good motivation I remember there was a point when when I first got into this where I broke up with my girlfriend of five years And I just really wanted to go out and I kind of did all this as like revenge against her And that's not a good motivation to do it, you know, and I went through all this These are all phases I went through I'm not getting up here speaking to you guys, you know On an arm chair from a vacuum all the stuff I'm talking to you about I don't mean to sound condescending because I went through all this and I'm just getting up here because I want to I don't want you guys have to go through this like I want to like give you guys a short cut So you guys can go out tonight and and improve and and get the girls you want so So when I really boiled it down, right and I really had to figure out what the key motivation is and this is One thing in my philosophy that guys always connect with when they hear this They're able to just go out and translate into success because this will get you over your approach anxiety This will get you over any kind of anxiety you have about escalating about moving things forward This one thing just change your motivation and change that motivation to finding out the truth Okay, and I know that sounds like ridiculously abstract and like philosophical and pretentious But really you have to think about this because I've been out with a lot of Amazing guys in this industry and just regular guys who just awesome with women and I've seen the way they interact with women And none of these guys are going up trying to possess the girl None of these guys are going up trying to impress other guys None of the only reason these guys are doing it is to find out the truth because look when I see a hot girl I don't see like oh, I need to number close this girl. I don't see. Oh, I need to try out my new opener I don't see. Oh if I get this girl, my friends will think I'm cool The only thing I see is I see that there's truth in that situation There's a truth about her right you can walk up. She could be the most amazing girl in the world She could be the coolest girl have the greatest personality and that's and that's the truth You want to find out? Maybe she's a total bitch. Maybe she's in a rush. Maybe she has zero personality You have no idea but until you approach her you don't know that truth and even alright So say she she blows you out in two seconds, right? Like she immediately just boom shuts it down You've found out a truth about yourself about your bravery about your ability to overcome that adversary, you know about that internal struggle You can find out truth about you and her together, right? How do you guys interact together find out a truth about women? Women in general, you know how women react about the way women think you can even find out truth about dating The whole reason I'm up here is because I have I have You know I've gone out and I was looking through the truth night after night and there like gradually I've learned everything I'm talking about up here So that's a thing the truth is all you could really hope to get you can't possess the girl You can't you don't press your friends You can't do any of this because that's all predicated on other people's reactions Reactions to you, but you can get at the truth and that's so important I remember I was at one night with Entropy and we were at this bar in Boston Really high-end really nice club and I saw this girl and Entropy saw me like checking her out She was gorgeous Japanese girl and she was there with like like six like MMA fighter-looking guys And Entropy, you know, he kept showing me checking her out and he's like well You got to find out the truth about that, you know kind of kind of baiting me to to trap my own philosophy And you know what I did and the truth in that situation was that girl didn't want to meet me But you know, he was that normally that situation would would would really Wouldn't do it because I had too much approach anxiety even as a coach I mean you don't like you see you see, you know one girl six guys six big guys We kick the shit out of you. You don't want to do it, but you know what the truth was those guys They were cool, you know, whatever like they weren't they weren't bad guys and she wasn't a bad girl It was just it was just like, you know, I just found the truth that it wasn't the right time It wasn't the right night, but that's the thing it'll get you over your approach anxiety Just like focus on that one thing Like when those feelings of approach anxiety build up in you just think to yourself What's the truth? I need to find out the truth. I need to find out about this girl I need to find out about girls in general whatever truth you want to focus on make that your motivation Because that's what's gonna get you to put that first foot forward because you guys all know that's all that matters You put that first foot forward the other one's gonna follow and you're gonna you're gonna walk up and approach that girl Whether it's in the daytime nighttime bed situation great situation. It doesn't matter Just approach for that truth wanting to get at that truth And that's because you live by the truth you get blown out by the truth You know sometimes like I said it doesn't always go great But what you're gonna find out is that first of all, it's not a big deal and secondly a lot of times It's pretty fucking funny, you know, I mean, I know my favorite stories of approaching girls have nothing to do with like The amazing approaches, you know, I pulled the girl off like, you know, the three guys, you know Blue these guys what like whatever whatever kind of insert awesome brag story here Those are not my favorite stories My favorite stories are the ones where like Zach and I had a girl scream that we're disgusting, you know Like go nuts. Like, you know, I remember I wrote it in our book. I remember one time I left some girl I thought I was trying to be like James Bond I was like twirling a martini glass in my between my fingers and the glass slipped out of my fans And it shattered on the floor and everyone in the club did the dick chant, you know Like seventh grade or like dick dick and you know what, you know, I found out know the truth wasn't that situation The dick chant is still pretty fucking funny, you know, that's the thing I don't care because when you go when you approach for the truth, it doesn't matter It's not a reflection on you There's no reason to get all offended and get all sad and and and and to like be like oh, I suck on my pick Up skill suck. It's like look you just found out the truth big big fucking deal and it's probably something to laugh About later. So a really important way to think All right So we went over why it's about you so once you can effectively communicate with yourself then it's about her Okay, so you so you have these empowering mindsets you have these way this way to look at the world now It's you know, it's appropriate to approach girls in a way that's attractive and you know again I'm not gonna get up here and just give a bunch of abstract ways to think you know to think You know in your own head and empowering beliefs that's not my style I'd like to give very applicable information as well So the thing but the way to look at this is remember the actions primary The results are secondary that it's more important that you go up and approach the girl Even if it totally sucks then it is about actually getting the girl But again, like you know, we're all here because we want to get better. We want to improve it You know improve in our skills and dating so Just remember that you know so effective communication it begins with yourself and it ends with the girl There's no middleman. There's no middleman in that. There's no amogs. There's no dudes on the internet. There's no, you know wingman All that stuff. I don't concentrate on so Like a brat yourself and the girl. So now let's talk about the girl Let's talk about how to you know communicate attractively because the way I see it There's only four ways you could you can communicate with a woman in a way that's attractive I mean, there's plenty of ways you can communicate with your mom or your friends or a girl that you're not attracted to But when you're attracted to a woman, I put my personality through like it's almost like a prism You know, you know how like goes through a prism and it breaks into into a rainbow I kind of put my personality through a prism and it goes through this and it breaks into four different four different categories of behavior Those categories are drive inspiration Connection and mechanics and I'm gonna explain what all four of those things are but just to give you a sense of How that relates to like your personality is I think you guys can all attract them with your natural personality You just need to balance certain things right like Most of the mistakes you make with women. They're not mistakes You're just doing it the wrong time like say for instance You go up to a girl and you try to get her number too quickly She says no you didn't get rejected and it wasn't you didn't do the wrong things You have to ask for that girl's number at some at some point in the interaction You just might have you might have done it too soon say you open a girl and And you you were too direct say say like you creeped her out like you went up and you were way too sexual and She got creeped out and walked away. You didn't do anything necessarily wrong like you I mean Let's be serious. We're adults here You have to be sexual at some point in the interaction But at the same time you probably did it too early or you did too much of it There would probably a point where you could have balanced that with some more of your genuine personality You could have lightened it up a little bit You could have taken the edge off your sexual out, you know off the sexual tension by give you know providing a little bit of like a release You know so again Every mistake you've made I know myself when I first got into this a big mistake I was making was I was always getting put in the friend zone I was always like talking to girls and and being like really nice to them and connecting with them and Really wanted to get to know them, but I wasn't I wasn't moving things forward sexually or romantically So I was getting put in the friend zone and that connecting with women and being curious about them and wanted to get to know Them that's not the wrong thing to do I was just doing it the wrong time and I was doing it without a balance I wasn't balancing it with the other three elements. So what I'm gonna talk about these three elements The way these work is they all balance each other and they're all just various things You need to do it various times and it's just a prism through which you could shine your personality All right, so let's start with with drive. That's genuine sexual attraction for a woman. Look, she knows it You know it so just make it awesome I mean look you're not tricking anyone going indirect, but she knows why you're talking to her girls are not stupid She's out of the bar. There's no reason why you start a conversation with her if you weren't sexually attracted to her so rather than try to hide it because the biggest thing about drive is I think a lot of guys try to try to hide their drive and What's up? Cool I think an issue with a lot of guys is they try to hide their drive They try to hide it from themselves and they try to hide it from the girl rather than like Sit in denial of the fact that you're sexually attracted to her just be okay with it You know, I'm not saying you need to go direct. That's not your style It comes down to your personality But you should be honest with yourself and you should be honest with the woman and the way I see it You should be shameless about it a lot of the girls like my girlfriend now She said her favorite thing about me is the fact that like that I'm very I'm very upfront about about about like how I feel about her And that's not being needy. That's not being it's not being like, you know, whatever whatever AFC showed whatever You know label you want to put on it. It's not any of that What that is is being confidence knowing what you want You're being needy when you need something from her when you're not looking at that truth But the way I see it is like yeah, she's an attractive girl and of course I want to get to know her better Of course, I want to be sexual with her because that's natural. That's biologically normal and and I don't try to hide that for myself I'm very confident about that. I'm very very shameless about it So I would definitely advocate you all take that attitude of being shameless and You know just being okay with with that natural masculine drive you have okay to inspiration Emotion that this is like emotional transparency of your personality Okay, you have to understand how to access your creativity because you're all creative You're all funny. You're all witty. But the thing is is that if you don't access those mindsets It gives you that ability to communicate that you know that party of personality. It's never gonna come out so Ways to do that is again. First of all setting the bar low like I'm not gonna get up here and tell you Wines that I use you should just use your own personality ways to access your creativity or inspiration is Focus on visual things things that you can see those are things you should talk about Because when you talk about say you go up to a girl and you start talking about how you like her earrings or how you like Some some aspects of some article clothing that she's wearing That is so much better than any routine because first you're telling her something about her Which is what everyone wants to hear about any way people love hearing about themselves But you're also showing her the way that you perceive the world the way that you see her The the reason that you like her the earring you like the article clothing when you communicate that to her that communicates an aspect of your Personality and the way that drive inspiration work is they compliment each other on the one hand You need to be sexual with the girl You need you need to put that drive forward you need to approach her you need to show that you're interested in her But also too you can't let it you can't let that go on for too long because eventually she didn't get creeped out So you need to she's to think oh you're just like every other guy that's approached her like that So you need to balance that element with the inspiration So so one way I always tell guys to do it is that if you're gonna approach direct do it with a smile Do it laughing do it in a way That's fun because that will take you know something a sexual it's something that could potentially be awkward and it Balances it with something that's very very easy very very easy to get into very very easy for girls to be okay with That's why girls like will go will like be totally fine with guys that like directly hit on them If they think it's very if it seems fun like girls will do anything if it seems fun Anyone would do anything if it seems fun. So that's a thing. So you want to balance those two elements. All right So the next one connection creating an emotionally relevant relationship and when I say connection a lot of guys think It's about learning facts about the girl or it's about, you know reciting your biological or biographical You know history or whatever about where you grew up what you do for a living, you know to me That's all bullshit that stuff has no emotional relevance what building a connection is really about it's about sharing emotions Okay, and it's all experiences that you and the girl can connect on when you lost your virginity When you had your first alcoholic drink a time when you were totally embarrassed These are things that happen to everyone. We're all humans. We all feel these things and that's how people build connections That's how rapport and comfort is built. She'll trust you if she sees you're you're an emotionally normal Stable person and the way you show her that is by connecting over shared experiences So figure out the experiences that you've had that you find to be emotionally relevant And that's the stuff that you should connect with women on okay So let's move to the net the next Element here is mechanics the roadmap for moving things forward smoothly. What's funny is The community is really great for this the the pick-up community and the dating advice literature It's this is where I think it really has its value because there are certain things that a woman Like a way to move things forward where it's smooth with the trip where the transitions aren't bumpy You know whenever like Basic physics whenever things move forward. There's gonna be friction So whenever you move in move an interaction forward, she's gonna push back There's gonna be friction that you're gonna hit road bumps and the key to mechanics is taking all the friction out of out of Out of the you know all the awkwardness out of the interaction. Okay, and the ways to do that It's like, you know, you like you can open in a way that That like makes her feel comfortable like, you know, even like the over-the-back opening Like I mean it's kind of corny now, but that's still it's a way that it takes some of the friction out of out of you know Two strangers meeting on the way you set up a date, right? I mean, yeah, you could you could try to set up a date that you know if you want to end up You know if you're hoping that the date ends and you know your bedroom or whatever You could you could awkwardly suggest it at the end of the date or you can set up a date Where maybe you have a candle at dinner in your apartment and you're already you're already you know one room away from your bedroom So these are all ways that um Just ways to think and again I don't want to spend too much time on this because I think the community really has a lot of really good things to say about the Various ways to take the edge off of Off a moving interaction forward, but this this is where it has its time in its place You know there is like one fourth of your personality should be coming through in that mechanics element You should be thinking about how can I move this forward in a way that smooth and in a way that it's not going to Put her guard up. It's not going to get her to to object to it All right, and like I said before balance That's that's a secret to attracting women each each of these four elements It has an appropriate time and an appropriate place, okay? There's a time to be to be sexual there's a time to show your personality there's a time to connect with women and there's a time to move things forward and But by going out and by practicing you start you start developing an intuitive sense for when it's time to do You know whatever element is needed in that moment So just give you a quick run-through in a typical approach So say I approach a girl at a bar the first thing I'm going to do is when I'm going to put my foot forward and The approach for me starts when you put that first foot forward, right because you're already demonstrating your drive You're already you you're already saying to yourself Okay, I'm sexually attracted to this girl and I want to meet her so you put that foot forward You're already acting on your drive. So that's so that to me. That's when the approach begins That's why when you don't approach girls when you get approaching anxiety and chicken out and don't approach the girl That's a rejection that to me is a rejection that that's a problem because that means that that you didn't even act on your drive so the approach begins right here boom I put my foot forward I walk up to the girl and I start talking to her I might say I like to open to racks I might I might again I'm gonna use a really shitty opener because I don't really believe in opener So I might say hey, I thought you were I thought you were adorable. I wanted to come meet you or hey I thought you were cute. I want to come meet you I'm boom now all of a sudden I've I've demonstrated my drive and now it's important that I that I balance that drive Because if I keep sitting there and keep saying, oh, yeah, you're hot. Yeah, baby Like want to go over meet you're sexy. That's too much drive. She's like, oh, you know That's creepy. So what we're gonna say after that as I'm gonna smile and I might start saying oh, you know And also too you have you wearing the hamburger shirt. I remember, you know girls look wear these striped shirts I'm like you look at you know, it's awesome. You get bonus points We're looking at the hamburger and now she might laugh. So now all of a sudden I've demonstrated my personality I've I've injected a little humor into it So now she could feel okay about about allowing that that drive element now I might move into like a connection topic. I might say oh What are you here with is it what is it like girls night out you guys out, you know getting wild So boom now all of a sudden she we can vibe on that we could start talking about oh girls night out being out with friends Those are emotionally relevant rapport building type things and then I might say oh, you know, it's a little bit loud over here Why don't we move somewhere a little bit quieter? I might take her by the hand and move her like, you know 10 feet away from her friends so we could have you know a more intimate conversation and No, so right there the four elements in motion and that to me is a great approach because on the one hand I walked up with the empowering beliefs. I've effectively communicated myself. I've walked up assuming that this girl wants to meet me Top of that I think I think the mic there we go on top of that I also am communicating in a way that's attractive to her that She that that allows her to feel comfortable and okay with move the interaction forward So that's kind of like my philosophy in a nutshell and You know when you learn to interact with these four elements you're gonna learn about yourself It's so funny some of the best material It's come out on my mouth like some of like the funniest things I've said or some of the moments I've acted with the most bravery I've ever had or done things I never thought I could do were just moments when I've approached women moments in clubs where I did really well with the girl and I was talking to when I really liked her and Just the conversation was great and it was just a girl. I was really enjoying you know interacting with I learned about myself And what's so cool is that truth is waiting for all of you guys too There are things about your personality that you're gonna learn just by going out tonight and you know adopting these empowering mindsets and You know talking to women according to these four elements So, you know again, you're much more attractive funny charming witty than you ever have given yourself credit for so, you know That's something to go out and look for So I kind of want to end it on just getting out and finding the truth You know a question I always ask my students and I always ask at layer talks and I always ask even if I Even with guys that don't even know much about community literature if we start talking about girls, you know Because every guy loves talking about women talking about girls they've approached I Always ask How many girls have you regretted approaching? How many like in this room, it's anyone ever regretted approaching I'm not saying I'm not saying the approach had to be great I'm not saying it had to be like the perfect approach or or maybe the girl turned out to be something less than what you expected But have you ever regretted an approach? Exactly, no one's you never regret an approach just like you don't regret going to the gym You don't regret because approaching girls is healthy. It's normal. It's what it's what a biologically normal Heterosexual guy wants to do he wants to go out and approach women He wants to go out and find that truth. So that's the thing always keep that in the back of your mind You're never gonna regret that approach. I've never regretted I've had some approaches blow up in my fucking face, and I don't care I will never regret those approaches because I've always learned something I've always learned something about myself about the situation About how not to approach a girl whatever it is. I've learned something from approaching women So it's just so important that you always keep that in the back of your mind Then you're never gonna regret approaching her ever so Go out and find that truth and you know again, so I always remind you it's about you then it's about her Remember action primary results are secondary. So guys, I really appreciate you guys coming out You know, I know it's really early in the morning, but I think we have some time to do some questions Peter Yeah, do you guys have any questions? Like I said, I know that this is This is kind of more of a abstract talk, but I like again I got up here just from My experiences in community I spent a lot of time doing a lot of stuff that I just didn't really find to be very effective And it wasn't until I really thought that these mindsets that that I really started getting the results I wanted so so so that's a thing so so so if it seems a little abstract and seems a little weird just give it some time to kind of register and Have any questions one thing you seem to talk a lot about was going in and being yourself Not doing some of the routines not not worrying about openers It seems like a lot of guys and myself included it takes a lot of confidence in yourself and self identity self beliefs that you Deserve whatever girl you're going to and it seems like you know, especially young guys They don't have that self confidence self beliefs. How did you develop that for yourself? Yeah, that's a good question. So I know I know it's and I said right in the beginning I came from a place probably worse off than any of you guys, you know I really I really had a lot of a lot of negative beliefs about myself and about women and about about the world and about a lot of things it was it was not a good situation when I got into this so The way I got over it is again. It's it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's funny It might it might happen a little bit as a little bit at a time But allow like that belief to germinate because what's gonna happen is you're gonna start walking up to women and like I said Like I look at you. I don't see any reason why a girl wouldn't wouldn't be attracted to you You know, I don't see any reason why you couldn't go out and meet the girl that you wanted to meet and why you would need any Kind of like routine or any kind of any kind of tactic to meet this girl aside from just keeping those four things I that I outlined in mind I don't see why a girl would ever say oh no This isn't a guy I want to meet you know and that's the thing is that when you accept that belief You start going out and just approaching girls like that like not worrying about the opener not worrying about Doing the right thing at the right time just like letting that myth of perfection drop out of your head That's when all of a sudden you're gonna start seeing that girls like that's when you start like it happens little by little But you'll see that girls like just seem to like you more the interactions are better the girls stop flaking All of a sudden girls are calling you they're trying to kiss you You know all of a sudden these things are happening and you're like wait a minute like I This girl really liked me. I didn't do any of my awesome routine or I this girl was totally receptive when I opened her I didn't have to do that the ten minute opener that means act You know crafted over over you know six months. That's the thing It's so so I would I would just say really like just try it Just go out and just forget about all the shit forget about like the opener and and do all stuff Just go up and you know one thing I do the students a lot I tell them go up and and get blown out Go up and fuck it up and like you don't fuck it up and be pissed and they go up and they try to screw up They try to like be like to mess up and those usually the girls that mean the students spend the entire night with You know talking to interacting with because again you start you set that bar low Like how much that say about you that you can walk up to a girl and you don't even give a shit What you say because you just assume that she likes you What do you what do you think that's gonna communicate about the way you see yourself about about your identity about about how much confidence you have But you don't care like it was like I was saying before like my my girlfriend's like that That go out and they meet guys at a lot of the clubs you go to and they meet these pickup guys Once this guy so once he sees that he's trying once he sees that she he's like thinking of things to say and he's he's in his own head Immediately she's turned off. She's like why why is he doing this? Why is this guy acting this way? Why can't why can't he just why why can't I just get to know this guy? Why does it seem like he has this whole song and a dance prepared for me? So um, so that's kind of the long answer for that Did it kind of answer your question cool All right, anyone else? Yeah, no absolutely No, no dude. I You talked about building confidence and how hard that is to get from to maybe where you might be coming from as a younger guy to Get where maybe Rob is right now or some other guys and yeah, it is hard. It's very very hard But it's a it's a mountain decline, but I want to ask you what do you think is going to be more helpful for building confidence? And I want to ask every guy What do you think is going to be better for building your confidence to use a line? That's not yours that you read somewhere to whereas even if a girl likes that even if a girl responds well to that she's doing it because of this line or Putting yourself out there just being yourself is cliched as that sounds and getting a positive response from that You just going out even if you suck even if the bars as low as possible putting yourself out there And she responds positively that maybe she will but if she does how do you think that's going to feel for your confidence? What do you think is going to give you more confidence and make you feel better about yourself? And continue the snowball rolling in the right direction question Yeah, no, that's a really great point. That's a minute that um, you know Darren DJ Fuji bur up yesterday. I thought was was really good You know every time you're using like a line or a scripted routine You're actually kind of poisoning your inner game, and I don't really again I don't really I'm not really ascribed to like the whole like inner outer game that you know dichotomy, but I thought that was a great point because it's so true you know if you if you're going up and and Even but I think it even even goes beyond just the lines and the routines like if you're going up saying Oh, I need to do this tactic to get her get her to like me. It's like where what what do you think about yourself? What's your own beliefs and you know and the only way I bring this up You know if that stuff was effective, I would just teach it if that stuff worked for me But I tried I tried it for years, and I found I got so much more success when I just dropped that out And I just said okay, you know what like I'm gonna be imperfect. I'm gonna you know there might be points when I suck there might be points when I just say complete gibberish and I'm gonna have to accept that and I don't really care because I started looking at women as all these girls want to meet me rather than Oh, I'm trying to go out and possess this girl or like I'm or I need to I need to win her over. I just kind of Like what that mindset go So I like the way that you're talking about how you go out and try to be yourself And if you get a positive reaction off of that then it really helps yourself esteem But I'm at the point where my mechanics is very clunky, right? So I go out and try to be myself But then with everything not moving so smoothly It seems like I get a lot more rejections off of that versus getting positive reactions So how would you feel about like? Like what are your thoughts on that? How would like the self esteem hit versus like the gain off a positive reaction? That's not that's that's a good question You know that that's why I kind of developed that this four-element system because guys can you know like you said like you can you could figure out Okay, this is where I'm going wrong like my mechanics element is is I'm like clunky and you know that's a common problem So one thing I would even advocate you do if you really feel like that like you're not like that you're trying to like You know, I don't know I don't know where you're running into problems But say like it's like you know isolating a girl or getting a girl to come out You know whether it's like text game you're losing girls like from flaking or whatever Then yes, I would advocate like like trying to find it find some material that you like that you find like interesting like again Like I like if I'm an isolated ground like my favorite thing to say to a girl is oh, you know, it's loud over here Let's just move over here But like I've used stuff that I've like I've read or I've heard people saying oh, that's a funny line I'm gonna use it like oh, I'm gonna show you this magical balcony You know whatever whatever it is and take a girl by the hand of mover So so definitely you want to look at like taking taking that edge off of what you're trying to do but um Yeah, so so so that's one way you do and we'll tell the party question You said the mechanics element is clunky and well the thing is it seems like I get more negative reactions than positive reactions Yeah, but I try to like do away with a lot of the lines and everything I just try to go up and talk to her But like I just said when you get positive reaction or reinforces like your self-esteem. Yeah Oh, I am I am myself and she likes me for me. Yeah seems like it's I am myself But she's doesn't like me for that, you know Yeah, but you know what it really it really probably it's probably not so much what you're like No reflection on you, you know, it's definitely Something that's going wrong. I'm sure that like when you start getting negative reactions I'm sure right before and like if you can pinpoint this I'm sure right before you have a negative reaction of thoughts going through your head like something might be like Oh, I need something this girl's really hot. I need to impress her You know, even if it's unconscious that's I had the same problem I realized the exact same thing because I thought the same thing It's like what like what I said when I when I first heard about natural game because I've been in this for a long time I first heard about natural game. I was like, this is ridiculous. This is absurd. These guys are just doing like This isn't even pick up anymore This is just a bunch of guys just going out and just doing whatever the hell they want That's just retarded, but what I realized is that it's not retarded because What started happening is I realized that like it's more about pinpointing in your own head But as I said effective communication begins with you So I'm sure that there's a moment right before you say something that's getting getting a negative response that you're being like Oh, this girl's too hot because these are the thoughts that I had to I used to think I used to like be in front like this Like this girl is super attracted to and the minute that thought my head was like, oh, wow This girl this girl's so hot. I don't deserve her and you wouldn't even realize I'll give you a specific example I remember this one night. I was talking to this like the stunner like like blonde ridiculous And we were talking and was going so well. She said to me. She said What do you want? I want to buy you a drink. What do you want? And we're in this really really high-end club and the drinks are like $20 and I remember I said no I don't want anything. She said no, no, no, I want to buy you a drink. What do you want? I was like, no, no, no, I don't I don't want a drink and in my head at the time I was like, oh, yeah, I just want a drink and I want to mess it up But my head was really thinking when I thought about later was I didn't take a drink from that girl Because I didn't think that I was worth the $20 that this like smoking hot girl would have to spend to buy me a drink It should be the other like in my head I thought I would have been fine buying me and her around a drink at that time and I would have been like Oh, I would have felt totally normal doing that but the fact that she was gonna buy me a drink I didn't feel worthy of that and that was a problem and that's something I realized so that's why like now So the way I changed it was just by identifying it and then so now whenever a girl sets me to borrow Let me buy you a drink. I'm like like top shelf. Let's do it, you know Yeah, that's not that part But you know what I mean, but like, you know, you have to feel that worthiness, you know And it wasn't like a routine or anything got me blown out or being myself I thought I was being myself by saying no, but really what was really happening was that that that that kind of bad belief Came into my head at that right before it happened and and that will happen throughout the interaction. You know, it'll be like Even sometimes if I open a girl and I think to myself, oh, she's so hot or oh, this is gonna be a really hard situation This is open or sucked, you know, that's It's gonna it's gonna like I'm gonna get blown out whether I use a routine or whether I be myself It doesn't really matter. It's more like effective communication with yourself Oh, cool. All right guys, um, thank you again. I really appreciate everyone come out. I know it's early So so thank you for coming out guys. All right. All right a true gentleman