 Sister James Charles is back to making content. He just came back with his brand new video Hi sisters and something that James Charles is going to struggle with is major trust issues And I know a lot of us can relate to that What is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem But focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel What I like to do is take different topics from the YouTube community and try to see what lessons we can pull from them to improve Mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell And while you're at it make sure you follow me on Instagram and Twitter at the rewired soul So real quick real quick for all of you loyal rewired soldiers out there You all know that I'm working on my new book rewire your anxiety Which is dropping on June 29th in the e-book format. Well, I'm also doing the audio book So do me a favor because I'm trying to organize and strategize some things Let me know down in the comments if you're getting a copy of rewire your anxiety Let me know if you're planning on the e-book or the audio book. All right It'll help me kind of plan some things out in the coming weeks. All right. Thank you. You're amazing. Okay, but anyways Yeah, let's talk about James Charles. And again, I give you new to my channel. This video isn't necessarily about James Charles I just like to use YouTubers and things going on in pop culture as context, but my videos are for you, okay? So let's recap what is going on with James Charles. What happened with James Charles? So he had all of that drama happen with Taty Westbrook and she kind of you know exposed him for all these things Jeffrey star got involved and he said he had all these receipts which he didn't end up releasing and James Charles ended up coming back and clearing up, you know a bunch of the air and showed receipts and all that now during this process a Bunch of people unfollowed James Charles a bunch of people that he considered friends Aside from that two of his mentors Taty Westbrook and Jeffrey star and this is something that a lot of us are gonna Have to deal with in our lives, right? Like what do you do? What do you do when people that you considered friends just completely turn their backs on you? What do you do when people you looked at as mentors or people who are always there for you and You know they they seemingly backstab you right like this is something a lot of us have to deal with like I'm sure you've dealt with it before maybe maybe it was something that happened in high school But like as adults now like I've had this happen at jobs and things like that and you're like what the heck like One situation that I remember really hurt me was I was working at this place for a long time and myself and my co-workers Like we weren't just Co-workers we kind of developed friendships, you know what I mean and like we hung out outside of work Not just like after work grab some drinks or whatever. Well, especially cuz I'm sober, so I don't even drink But you know, we would like get together and play like games and things like that, right? But when I left that job a lot of those people wanted nothing to do with me and it hurt I get it so This can affect us greatly and sometimes we don't even really Realize it but with our trust issues moving forward, right? Like how can we trust anybody again? How can we trust if our friends want to come back to us? How do we trust new friends or new people coming into our lives? This can also affect your relationships, right? If you've ever been cheated on it can be hard for you to get into a new relationship Because of your trust issues So the first thing I want to kind of talk about is I heard this excellent story from Brené Brown If you don't know who Brené Brown is you better ask somebody that woman is amazing, but it was in her book I believe daring greatly and she was talking about, you know trust issues and she is a Scientist and she like does studies around like vulnerability and shame and everything and she was talking about vulnerability And trusting people and she like I love me some analogies and she had a great analogy for her daughter So anyways just to kind of summarize this story her daughter Felt betrayed by one of her friends and her daughter's like grade school, right? And anyways She felt betrayed by one of her friends and her daughter didn't really trust anybody Well in her classroom, they had these things of like marbles, right? Where when the class did something good they put marbles in the in our little jar and then when the jar filled up They got like a prize or a pizza party or something like that, right? Well anyways what Brené Brown explained to her daughter is trust is kind of like that jar of marble Okay, and that's how we need to treat our relationships when somebody does something trust worthy We put a little bit more of the marbles into that jar, right? And the more they do the more we put into that jar and everything like that And I love that analogy because I feel that is how I overcame my trust issues I used to have walls up with so many people because I've been hurt so many times in the past So what I've had to start doing and something that might help you as well if you feel like James Charles and getting betrayed by friends is Just gradually starting to trust people a little bit more, right? Like don't expect them to hold your deepest darkest secrets, right? And there's a whole another video I did a while back about over sharing But you trust them a little bit you trust them a little bit See how they do with that information or just simply holding space for you, right? Like you get vulnerable with them about something that you dealt with maybe at work or school or whatever it is See how they handle that and then that that gives you a little bit more knowledge and wisdom for the next time You want to turn to that person and see if they are trustworthy. All right So gradually fill up that jar with marbles now the next thing like to be honest Like I got the idea for this video Back when James Charles went to I can't remember was it Kylie Jenner's launch or was it Kendall Jenner? All those Jenner's and Kardashians I get I'm confused. Anyway, she went back to that I was like wait it wait a tick like didn't she like stop being friends with James when all this controversy happened Now she's like inviting him back and like there's a whole business aspect of it But like something I want to talk about is like trusting old friends again, right? Like how do we do that and the thing is is that we need to see that there's some kind of remorse Okay, we need to see on their end that they are sorry for what they've done to us if they've broken our trust, right? Because like there's that old saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me You know what I mean? And like I I'm a huge advocate for forgiveness like that is huge Like looking at James Charles situation with Jeffrey star and talk to Westbrook like I hope sometime in the future Maybe it's gonna take years, but they can rebuild that friendship But sometimes it takes time like something that I tried to teach everybody is that we need to pull away from that Black and white thinking like all of us screw up like sometimes we might be the person who betrays a friend's trust And we need to be empathetic to that like would we want somebody to never trust us again just because we messed up You know what? I mean now when it comes to James Charles and Jeffrey saw talk to Westbrook This is all like a massive scale, but in your personal life, right? Like we need to work on forgiving people, but when people come back into our lives We also need to Sometimes treat it with a little bit of caution not give them too much too soon like they need to rebuild and earn that trust but Like something that I had to do as I grew up and as I was working on my mental health It start rebuilding relationships with people because I used to be the type of person with so many trust issues Like it could be one of my best friends and they screwed me over. I just cut them out of my life it's so easy for us to forget all the times they have been there for us all the things they have done for us Right and something happens and we just completely cut them out So over time once we have our time to work through things and heal and all of that like we need to work on you know At least attempting to rebuild that relationship if it was an important relationship to us The other thing that we need to work on is when our trust has been violated by people in our lives We need to be very mindful of how that affects our newer our new relationships, right? Like I used to do this all the time I've worked with countless people who do this as well where they bring the baggage from a previous relationship into a new one Whether it's a friendship whether it's an intimate relationship, right? Like maybe your ex-boyfriend or maybe your ex-girlfriend or ex-husband or ex-wife whoever it is Maybe they hurt you maybe they violated that trust and now that it's built up this wall and then you bring that into a new relationship and you don't trust the new person and Something that I've had to do to really overcome that is ask myself like is that fair? Is it fair to this new person in my life to punish them for what somebody else did, right? We see this all the time with relationships where somebody has a bad relationship, right? And they take that baggage from the bad relationship and bring it into the new one and it completely destroys their new relationship, right? So then they break up now they have baggage from two relationships They bring that into the next one You see what I mean and like just the golden rule the golden rule is would I want somebody to do that to me? Like would I want my beautiful girlfriend Tristan to bring in baggage Against me from an old relationship, right? Would you want your new significant other to do that to you? Would you want a new friend to bring in that against you? You see what I mean? So if this is something that you like really struggle with like you need to get your butt in therapy and start working through that stuff If not it's gonna continue to destroy our relationships moving forward for the rest of our lives Now the last thing I want to talk about the last thing I want to talk about like none of us deserve to be betrayed or hurt or anything like that But but we do need to take some responsibility for this All right, we need to realize that we are in control of these situations in some way All right, and what I mean by that is be mindful of who you're hanging out with be mindful of who you're becoming friends with Right like think about it if you're hanging out with people who are constantly talking behind other people's backs Like what do you think they're doing with you? You see what I mean? Like sometimes we like oh, I like hanging out with this person That's a wild and crazy. You know what I mean, but like we need to pick better friends sometimes Sometimes when we're getting into a new friendship, we need to be like, okay, maybe this person isn't who I should be hanging out with Yeah, sure. They're fun. They're crazy. They're wacky, right? But is this somebody who I want to trust now don't get me wrong Those people are cool to hang out with every now and then if you want to go, you know to a party or do a concert or whatever it is Right, but do you want that person as like your best friend who's gonna hold like your secrets and everything like that? Like we need to do a better job with that because something that I had to learn was like I was hanging around with scummy people, right? Like I was picking scummy people to be my friends and then when they like hurt me or when they betrayed me I was just absolutely baffled by this right so something that I started to do was I started to be You know better at picking friends I was more mindful of who I was hanging out with like and this comes from being a better judge of character like What characteristics do you want in a friend or in a significant other like think about that? Like sometimes it's helpful to write down a list like what do you want in a good friend? You see what I mean because now like to be honest I don't have that many close friends anymore Like I have a lot of acquaintances of a lot of people I talk to but like it takes a lot to like truly have a friendship with me Because I've become better at picking who I'm hanging out with all right But anyways, let me know down in the comments below like do you struggle with trust issues? What have you done like what tips can you give to other people who struggle with trust issues? Let me know down in the comments below All right, and don't forget follow me over on Instagram and Twitter at the rewired soul because I'm launching my new book We were your anxiety coming very very soon. All right, but if you liked this video Please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos And a huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon You're all amazing and if you would like to support what I'm doing here become a patron and get access to all sorts of cool Stuff pick a top right there. All right. Thanks again so so much for watching. I'll see you next time