 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have John as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic the five stupid questions women ask and don't do number four Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel do me a favor and please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content and if at any time during this video I share something that you like Please hit that like button that way more people actually get notified of this video and I got a tweak this because I just noticed That's a little bit off Our topic the five stupid things women ask men now really quickly I just want to oh by the way for those that are watching the replay right now I just want you know I do the content first then I go into Q&A so if you just want to hear the content don't worry You're gonna begin that first. All right, so why I shared this with you I saw some Blog or something that said something like the five stupid things men say to women or the five stupid things women say to men and I Thought you know, this might be a fun one to talk about and let me just say this What I'm about to share is ridiculously obvious. So this isn't gonna be anything Mostly it isn't gonna be anything new to you However, what I'm going to do is talk about the sub the reason why this happens and maybe when you can Understand why these things happen why sometimes women and or men say stupid things in relationship when we can get under the surface We can actually work on healing what's coming up Okay, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses after I do a little bit of cleaning up because for those who know me I've got my notes right there. I'm not gonna share it. So and I want to say hi to everyone that's joined us Okay, so one of the first and by the way again, these are stupid things So and let me say this because someone did mention this There really is no stupid question But for fun, we're gonna call these stupid questions, okay? And again, these happen because of a reason. So that's really the more important thing to talk about so the first one is When a woman and by the way, this is typically when you're already in relationship with someone It's not necessarily what happens in the initial stages of dating. This is actually once you begin date You're in a relationship with someone So the first one is have you noticed anything different? So this is typically when say a woman Or a guy, I mean, I guess this could go either way, but you've just gotten a haircut You've gotten a new hairstyle or something along those lines a dress or something and you say have you noticed anything different? now Obviously the purpose of this is because you're seeking some level of validation you're seeking some level of Acknowledgement from your partner So the real sub cause of these questions is because there's really something else going on Because the reality is is sometimes men are tuned into what they're doing in life and they're not necessarily Hyper-focused on everything that's happening in your life. Just like you're not hyper. Well, I'm about to say this I was just about to say women aren't hyper-focused on men's life Although as a dating a relationship coach for women, I notice you actually and this isn't all women But significant percentage of you give your power away to a man So you're actually hyper-focused on everything he's doing men typically don't hyper-focus on Everything you're doing. In fact, we're kind of you know We have more like a diffused awareness or you know, well, let me backtrack We have more hyper-awareness and you ladies tend to have diffused awareness You see everything and we're just hyper whatever is happening at that given time. That's what we're focused on So when you say something like, you know, have you noticed anything different? Just you know after you got a haircut, let's understand that this is because you're seeking some level of validation And you don't need a man to validate you for you to feel good about yourself Let me repeat that you don't need a man to validate you for you to feel good about yourself And if you're struggling with this then this is again where I highly recommend checking out my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? If you're watching the replay the description the link to get a copy of this Is in the description below So let's think of some of that let's look at some of the other things that women often say So this is a this is a classic one what I'm about to say is does this dress Make me look fat. Does this outfit make me look fat? Does this outfit make me look bad type of thing Now here's the thing. How would you feel if he said yes? So don't ask a question by the way men are by the way most men know not to step into the quicksand on this one Okay, most men know not to stand step into the quicksand But why are you setting up the quicksand to begin with now? I know a lot of you don't do this So again what I'm about to share with you might seem overly obvious it might seem rhetorical You might be thinking okay I get it and again this video is more of a humorous one because we're gonna talk about the stupid things men Do as well. So get ready for that the stupid things men say But I'll just say if you're asking be don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer and and quite frankly What if I said yeah, you look fat in that now? I don't even like characterizing You know fat or whatever, but since the person who brought it up initiated that I'm just here to say that you know what it's great to get I know it's important to get validation from our partner but let me tell you something I was in relationship with a woman and Whenever she got dressed up to go out. She didn't have to ask me She didn't have to ask me how do I look because the first words out of my mouth every time I saw her work? Wow And so she knew I mean not and part of it was because I complimented her throughout our you know The day in our relationship with what not but yes a guy who genuinely cares about you when he sees you all dressed up And you're ready to go out. He's gonna go why you look by the way My favorite thing is to say what is it wow? I oh, that's a wow So that's a W. Wow, let's see wait W that my face is the oh and then another W All right, let's look at the third thing now Here's one that women some women do not often but this happens is what you thinking when you're saying to a guy What you're thinking especially? When he's in the middle of watching the sports or doing something that he's focused on remember men tend to be hyper focused when they Do things so when you're just shifting the narrative and say what you're thinking what you're thinking It's because most likely you're trying to you're most likely not feeling secure in the relationship And you're needing some level of validation This is why I'm such a big proponent to doing the inner work to doing the inner work So you're not in a place of neediness because all of these things really do reflect a level of neediness By the way, I noticed in the chats a number of you mentioned you bought my book. Thank you so much I'm honored again. What the heck is self-love anyway? All right, what's the fourth and this is what I said don't ever do Okay, and this has happened to me I know it's happened to a lot of other guys I know and maybe you've done this maybe you haven't but have you ever been out with your boyfriend and you see an Attractive woman and do you say do you think that woman is prettier than me? Do you think that woman is prettier than me now? We recognize what you're hoping to get the answer is no you're way more beautiful And and God forbid what what's gonna happen if the guy says yeah, I think she's gorgeous You have to be able to look inside yourself and say if you're gonna ask a question seeking validation How can I shift the narrative? I don't need your validation for me to feel good about myself I can learn to validate myself. That's why ladies I talk about so many different books In my coaching program because I want you to begin a journey like what my book talks about It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you actually come to the table fully conscious and aware and ready for a juicy delicious healthy Relationship is this sinking in this is why I love the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated and why I love This book is because it takes out all the gender expectations in relationship and Focuses on what's most important is your spirit and your heart your spirit in your heart And if you can actually start leaning into your heart in fact, I have a podcast called the what would love do podcast It's on Amazon. It's on Google. It's on Spotify. It's on titcher stitcher, and it's on my website It's the what would love do podcast any time you're faced with a challenge in your life I invite you to say what would love do or how would love respond? Let me repeat that what would love do or how would love respond because when you can lean into your own loving when you can lean into Genuine love then you're not going to need the validation that we're talking about here. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, and the last one for today's pod or live stream is honey. What's wrong? Okay, so I Understand that there's going to be times in your relationship or you notice your partner is feeling off Now when someone is feeling off, it's up to them to bring up what's they're feeling off about Okay, and you might be putting that pressure on them to tell you what's up And let me just say when a man has an issue he typically will bring it up He will bring it up. Okay, you don't need to ask and sometimes Asking puts us in a pressure situation that we have to respond now That's different than if you want to ask something material to the relationship That's a different type of question if it's material to the relationship. I'm a big proponent of both men and women being Transparent in their relationship being transparent and what transparency means if if it's something that's going to affect both your lives And I think it's important to bring it up. This is why I highly recommend reading this book how to be an adult in relationships how to be an adult in relationships because a Lot of times that what I'm noticing today in most dating and relationship Relationships is that they're rather casual most Relationships are rather casual and because they lack a significant roots to commitment the significant roots to commitment It's understandable why you might want to find out what's going on So I'm a highly Attuned and agree that if it's material to the relationship you have every right to ask now part of the problem is how you ask This is why if we're going to really dig deep today I want everyone to buy this book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg It actually should have been titled compassionate communication. Why this is so critically important is That when you learn to communicate in a more effective way It'll land on your partner and he can then he or she can communicate more effectively to you So I just shared the five stupid things women ask men And I'm going to repeat them really quickly and that we're going to get ready for the live chat All right. So number one. Have you noticed anything different about me? This is after getting a haircut or something number two. Does this dress make me look fat? Number three. What's you thinking while he's watching a sporting event number four Do you think that woman is prettier than me and number five honey? What's wrong? Men will tell you what's wrong. All right. I hope you found value in this now Let's okay before we go any further. We're not going to take questions yet So what I want those in the live chat to do is post a stupid question men ask women Post one stupid question men ask women and we're going to talk about that as well And while I'm waiting for that to pop up on the screen. I want to thank everyone who's here I do have a couple of personal things. I want to share with you the other day I saw a comment on YouTube where someone said Jonathan I am in all with no disrespect I want to let you know that I think the hair color that you're using is very unattractive and you should allow your gray hair to grow and you shouldn't use such a dark color hair color product and allow your natural brown hair to come out and When I read that I was laughing my ass off because I Don't color my hair. I've been blessed my mom and dad. There's my mom and dad They were married 66 years before my mom passed away. My father now is 95 and 395 and three-quarter years old. So he's gonna be 96. He still has a head of hair I am thankful to my mom and dad But I have to tell you when that person was with no disrespect. You need to use a different hair coloring I just had the laughs. So I just wanted to share that with you All right, let's talk about some of the stupid things guys say I already see one You know one question come up and it's a great question. So let's dig into this or jump into this All right Sal writes Stupid question from guys. Why are you single or why are you doing that? Should you be doing that? Okay? So this question about being single and it's kind of a It's actually and it's it hits a nerve with me as well because I'm a single man out in the dating realm And I get a lot of flat because well if you're such a great dating coach, why don't you have a life partner? So here's my feeling about that question. Okay, there's no there's you know a lot of people focus on the Destination and not the journey. They're focusing on the destination as if having a partner in your life Mean something. Okay, some of us and by the way, I'm actively dating. I'm on the dating apps Okay, I'm act or I'm actively putting myself out there and Whether I meet my life partner Tomorrow, which is quite a possibility or two years from now It doesn't matter the when what's most important is the individual journey Now if we look at the stupidness of the question What it's really saying is part of that question is saying what's wrong with you for being single or at least That's how it can be interpreted as what's wrong with you being single as if there is something wrong and there is Nothing wrong. It just simply means you haven't met your person yet In fact, there's four reasons why you're single. You just haven't met your person yet The number two reason you just haven't met your person yet Number three, you just haven't met your person yet and number four You just haven't met your person yet. So yes, I do believe that's a stupid question men and women say that continually And the follow-up is why are you doing that or should you be doing that? Um Well, should you is an interesting question, you know, because it is somewhat creating some judgment about what someone is doing So I do I'm not sure I'm a fan of that because that to me feels like judgment In the same venue. Why are you doing that feels like judgment? So it's actually to me. That's kind of toxic questions to ask someone Because it's judging the person. I'm not a big fan of that So that's just my interpretation of that one. Sal. That was a great question to ask. Thank you so much Okay, if you have a stupid thing that men say, please post it in the comment below That looks like Colleen wrote Stupid question from men happens rarely but probably short meaningless. How's your day? Oh my god. All right I'm in the same boat ladies. I can't tell you how many dating apps Question, you know, the first thing. How's your day going? I I'm tired of that. Can I share with you? I'm gonna open my Bear with me one second because I want to open up my phone to a meme that I love Um, and I hope you appreciate this but uh, the meme is called I hate small talk I want to talk about atoms Death aliens sex Magic intellect the meaning of life far away galaxies music that makes you feel different Memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite scent your childhood What keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears? I like people with depth who speak with a twisted mind I don't want to know What's up, right? Can you see that? I don't want to know what's up. Okay So anyway, I hope you found some value in that All right, so let's see what else we have here By the way, joy C writes my mother my grandmother still had dark hair in her 90s without dying She wore it in a bun. It went down to her waist. Love it. Thank you for sharing that. All right Claire writes stupid question. Jonathan, which dating site do you use? All right, let's go through Jonathan's dating site. So we have Jonathan is on hinge He's on match.com. He's on tinder. He's on the league. He's on bumble Um, is there anyone else? Is there any other? Oh, and I'm on millionaire match Those are the sites I'm on now. Uh, some of them I pay for some of I don't A match.com is the one I do pay for Um, I look at this by the way everyone I look at it like this Putting yourself out there is like the more spokes in the wheel the more places you put yourself out there the more Opportunities you have in fact and I'm a big proponent now. Just I The other day I met a woman at my my gym at the complex I live at And she has a big tiktok influence or she's a big influencer She has half a million followers on tiktok and instagram and I put it out there to her I said do me a favor, you know, pimp me out to your community and if you have any single women send it my way So I'm here to say I put myself out to every opportunity I possibly can I limit the amount of time I spend on a dating app to probably 15 to 20 minutes a day max That doesn't include communicating with someone but going through swiping looking at it. Um, I did I'm communicating with a couple of women right now Who knows what's going to happen a lot of times a nine out of ten times it flakes out anyway But it's not actually I don't think that's a stupid question claire and I really do appreciate you asking so Let's go through All right Sal writes, thank you so much jonathan. Exactly. It really makes me cringe when someone says or asks should makes me cringe I feel the same way Teal your rights, uh, and I butchered your name by the way everyone I put your names and I hope you don't mind so By the way, my coffee mug says let that shit go. I'm not drinking. I know it's happy hour, but I'm just drinking coffee today So she writes stupid thing a man said I want to have sex to see if we have a spark before I get involved You know, I can understand why a guy might say that. I mean, it's actually it's I can understand why he says it Is it stupid? Absolutely, but man, let's face it men Inherently throw out sexual innuendos all the time. We're gonna try because ladies. What do men think on a first date? What are they thinking? We're thinking about sex every most every man Operates that way. This is why I laugh at all of the stupid dating advice that is so centered around Men love the hunt and men love the chase and men love to pursue Yes, we do We love to hunt sex. We love to hunt pursue sex. We love to chase sex. Okay? Yes, we do that what we are not hunting pursuing and chasing is I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship Men aren't doing that You're so so when you hear the narrative that men love to hunt chase and pursue You're assuming we want a relationship with you. That's not what we're hunting We will absolutely hunt sex But here's the problem the dating process is very challenging today because it it It's hard to actually get to know another human being by the way. Tell you I appreciate that question It's it so most humans are Rather stupid when it comes to getting to know one another This is why when I created my private coaching program is I teach first off ladies. I say this with all Candor if you will most of you think of relationships in the clouds You're thinking of it in the 40 000 foot level. You're thinking of the notebook You're thinking of serendipity. You're thinking of gone with the wind or something. I'm just picking that I don't know where that came from But you're thinking about it from the clouds one of the things I when I work with a client Is I help them get clarity on who's really right for them I help them get clarity on how to actually get to know another human being and lastly I teach them how to that for emotional maturity And I'm going to say to you both men and women alike are terrible at this. You're terrible at getting to know people It doesn't make you bad doesn't make anyone bad. It's just this is just Because no one taught us how to get to know another human Being so if you need help if you need support by the way in the description Of this pot or this live stream is a link to a free discovery call with me to see of working with the coaches Right for you. My job is to teach or to help Teach you something that was not taught How to actually get to know another human being how to actually Find out who's really compatible with you And how to vet for emotional maturity the problem is we humans humans mostly focus on chemistry As the indication for relationship success. Oh my god, we have such great chemistry We must be so aligned that is if we want to really say a stupid question Is why are humans believe that chemistry equals relationship success compatibility alignment emotional maturity blendable lifestyles That's what creates emotion or relationship success. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know hit that like button all right Jonathan that's all I talk about no small talk here way to go jane all right sb writes hinge. I like hinge Sarat Saratou Uh, so fucking I totally but your names. What is it stupid question men ask women Where have you been? Why haven't you called me for men who get accustomed to women always calling or lazy to reciprocate? ah so Just like women can be needy towards men men can be equally needy They can be possessive. They can be territorial and they can be jealous Okay So Why haven't you called me either could come from a place of neediness? Or it's coming from a place of either territorial or um jealousy Now the problem with this is it's all an underlying issue of insecurity It's an underlying issue of lacking self-love whether it's a man or woman This is why I highly recommend checking out the book the hoffman process the hoffman process Because there's an underlying wound that it's going by the way, there's a link below to all the books under jonathan recommends But let me just say this there's an underlying wound that causes a man or woman To ask these stupid questions because quite frankly it's all of the stupid questions come from Insecurity insecurity. That's why the more you shore up your self-love And this is why I'm such a big proponent This isn't the book. This is the cd version But I highly recommend checking out maria and williams book called a return to love a return to love This is a phenomenal book to get okay Um because it's all about returning to your heart centered space And I know a lot of you think you're there, but let me tell you something I work with women who think they're fully Emotionally mature and I can spot like this how many times they are literally either in victim consciousness or in righteousness Let me repeat that. They're either in victim consciousness or righteousness It's very natural as a human being to either feel like a victim or to be Righteous and the space in between is where our humanless lies Humankind be both by the way, if you like my shirt, please post a comment below and let me know All right, let's see what other questions we have um oops So joy says When a guy asks why are you not married just another take on why you're not single so now Sometimes so it's interesting So when a man when a woman is let's say she's 40 52 No, I'll make it 45 and We'll make her 45 whatever it doesn't matter the age 45 to 60 You need a man who's 45. He's 50 he's 55 and he's never been married. Your first thought is He's either commitment phobic or something's wrong with him So for us men, we don't necessarily think women are commitment phobic What we think when a woman is 45 50 55 60 and never married we're thinking what's wrong with her That's what's most humans think when you hear about that Now there is first off. There's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't met your person yet. Okay And some people I don't know how many women say to me Well, I've been engaged five times as if that's a badge of honor You've been engaged so many times, but you said no to them. All right So what does that say about your picker if you've been engaged six times or five times? I totally crack up When I hear that Thanks joy by the way, I totally crack up when I hear that as if You know, like I said, it's a badge of honor and okay, I get it The bottom line is as I said before the journey is not the destination. The journey is the experience of life This is why I highly recommend reading this book If you want to change your life, tell me if you want to change your life Post a comment or post it here if you want to change your life I highly recommend reading this book the untethered soul by michael singer This is my bible. If you will next to my own book Is my bible and what I mean to say is if you want to shift If you want to shift your life, this should be the most important book By your nightstand Read one chap by the way rule of thumb only read one chapter of time until you get to all 19 chapters And then read one chapter a week thereafter. Just do this Okay, stealing freedom from your soul. That was the chapter and I'm going to read that tonight before I go to bed Because that is what spirit told me to read All right, uh, I hope you're enjoying this right now. Um, let's see what else we have Oops Okay I'm drinking wine. It's friday. I've got coffee jennifer. Thank you Tina says shoulda is shaming Sadly, it is whenever we say should you are effectively shaming someone Um, susie writes. Hey, I can make say that name. Why can't women drive? Oh, I love that one. I love that one You know, that's funny I'm always like when I drove with my girlfriend. I was always nervous now. That's partly because When I'm sitting in the passenger seat, I'm always nervous because I like being in control So it's very difficult To not want to be in control, but why can't women drive? Well, that's a classic one. I love it That's just a stereotype again. That's why this is just meant this this live stream today was just for fun just to Enjoy ourselves today and talk about some silly things, but susie. I really do agree with you. That's a stupid one All right, let's see what gail writes susie. That's a good stupid question from guys I've heard that one and it drives me bonkers all right Let's see what else we have oops. Hey kim. Thank you um Let's see Oh, here's a good one from susie again Number two, let's meet for coffee and see if we're going to get along I wonder if at he at age 70 had trouble getting along Um, actually, I disagree with you. This is not a stupid question. In fact in my mind This is a great thing to say. Hey, let's meet for coffee to see if we hit it off You know, the fact is is the first date is the sniff test I'm trying to be like a dog Okay, when two dogs meet they sniff each other that's what a first meeting is It's the sniff test and what you are sniffing for is your pheromones your testosterone your estrogen Your serotonin your dopamine all these things. It's a stew that comes up in a first meeting is a sniff test So meeting for coffee is a very simple way of meeting someone To see if you get along. I'm sorry susie. I don't think that's a stupid question I think that's a great question and if anyone thinks less of that Then my question is what's your judgment around that? Why is I know you didn't mean to I don't mean to call you out susie So let me just say this But you know, I I do believe that's a great, you know great way to To engage. Okay. Now if someone has a problem, then what's the expectation behind it? What's the expect were you expecting dinner were you expecting drinks were you expecting something else? I think coffee dates for a first meeting are absolutely acceptable when you're meeting a total stranger for the first time This is someone you've most likely connected with through this app It is absolutely acceptable to meet for coffee There's you don't have to meet for drinks and you don't have to meet for dinner Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know Tina says And by the way, susie, thank you. Tina says love your shirt me too. By the way, you can get this on amazon All right Claire says Match bumble hinge. Yes, or rebecca says that I'm agreeing with you Um Rebecca says I think guys mean that a compliment mean that as a compliment, but uh, I hate that one too I'm not sure which one that was So but sometimes that's I'm almost I'm assuming that that is true Um, jennifer says I get the question all the time about why I've never been married and I'm in my 40s I have not met the right person yet. Exactly All right, let's shift the narrative from the date of the marriage question. Okay, let's let's okay Well, first off if you have any other question post the word question and then write the question So I can find it much easier in the chat But if you have something let's get off the stupid question topic and let's get down to some nitty gritty stuff By the way, I want to address or first off Uh sal writes in the beginning of dating I like how my man changed the narrative of single question to ask me if I have a number of guys flirting with me Or if I've noticed guys flirting with me. Okay, that's interesting. I would agree with that. So thank you I want to address something. Okay. I'm gonna look to see if there's any Okay, if you have a question or if you want if you have a question either buy a super sticker Buy a super chat and then post the question or write the word question and post it that'll make it easier for me to find, okay J m k j m j k Is that a guy or girl divorce man over 40 consistently texting an arranging date The first three weeks then suddenly kind of pulled back after we almost had sex. Is it possible something went wrong? Um, I have to sneeze. So please forgive me. I I feel it coming on So let me read that one more time. Um, consistently texting a range. Yeah, a number. Yeah, here's the thing It's a it's a roll of the dice, you know, the early stages of dating. Um Um, I paused because I was reading another question. Which ass has never heard of danica patrick. Okay Um, some people don't know who she is. Um, anyway, um So going back to this narrative In the beginning stages, you know what when you when you feel enthusiastic and like someone It's natural to to over promise And under deliver. Okay over promise and under deliver Now what happened is when you said that almost sex happened and then you stopped hearing from him What possibly happened was he got embarrassed? I'm not I don't know if that's the case but it's quite possible he got embarrassed And for whatever reason and then because of that, he's ashamed to pursue any further So that's my gut judgment to tell you what happened. I can't say that as an absolute truth But that's possibly what happened or he just over promised and wasn't able to deliver Okay, um Let's see rebecca if they're doing one thing they generally don't have a lot of other things floating around in their heads That is true. Men tend tend to be singular focused Unless we unless he's a player then he can be multifocused on multiple women at the same time Just he might not just he's spreading himself then but you know, this whole thing that men are absolutely single focused That's not really true if a man can communicate with 10 women at the same time or a woman can you know Doesn't mean he's single, you know, well his single focus is either I want to get laid Okay, so yes, that is the single focus But men can do it with 10 women at the same time. So I'm just putting that out there Um Patricia says keep yourself safe on dates with a stranger. Yes. Most everyone is a stranger This is why I do my best to vet someone before I date them. I look them up on facebook I look them up on google. I want to see if they have a google imprint So I can feel for myself a little safer and I you know, encourage you do the same Coffee meets bagel is a good app. You know what? I didn't like that app. It was too fucking complicated for me Maybe because I'm not a millennial, you know, I'm a boomer boomers need it simple. Okay Maybe millennials could figure that out. I couldn't figure it out. But that's just me um Joy says how about when a guy asked why don't we ditch your friends and hang out with me? Well, do we consider that a stupid question? I don't consider that a stupid question I think that's a pretty good question. Hey, why don't you ditch your friends and hang out with me? Here's the thing if you like the guy, you're gonna say yes So, you know, I don't I don't know. Well, joe, I don't know why you asked that question or why you pointed that out But I'll say I actually like that one. I've done it a bunch of times and and if sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't Okay, again, let's shift from the stupid questions now and let's to actually get to some real questions. Susie writes Okay. Oh, john. Oh, thanks, john And i'm glad to hear that it's not a stupid question. He was kind of grumpy and just sounded kind of weird to me from this man Hey, sometimes we catch people at bad days. So um, but that's your interpretation. But I didn't consider that Stupid question. Um, let's shift the narrative from stupid questions. Ask me something deeper now All right, um Well, I'm gonna Let's see. Jennifer says I'm not a mental mental any at all. I'm a gen z But I like the quality of men and coffee mix bagel Listen, I'm just saying I'm a boomer. I don't know how the yacht works So I want to address a couple of something really important right now. Let me fix something here um So let's let's Oh, okay. Colleen writes a great question How do you get a guy to open up about past experience when he has a history of a lot of trauma? He's avoidant workaholic so I have there's I watched a video from a secret service agent who worked for three different presidents And one of the things in the secret service is you literally have to go through Extensive human behavior training so you can spot people who are lying or spot people who are a threat And so I was listening to this podcast And she actually gave a great example of three things to ask three things to ask And I'm going to probably screw this up um But if you really want to shift the way you ask questions of someone and colleen, I love this one by the way If you really want to shift the way you ask questions of someone there's three ways to ask Tell me about blank. So tell me about your your childhood or tell me about your past experience. So it's tell me The e or so it's ted ted tell me Explain to me or describe to me Tell me explain to me or describe to me What what that does is it causes people to go beyond the surface to go deeper It's now I know you might be reluctant to use this technique But I want maybe you could start off at smaller layers About his life and then lead up to the deeper things that require because it's so important It is critically important to learn about a person's past experiences because Their past can you can actually predict a person's behavior based on their past experiences And then follow up question is how did you heal from those past experiences? So Tell me explain to me and describe is a way to start asking better questions When you're in the dating process. So I I know that's not really answering your question colleen because Someone who's had a lot of trauma needs to feel really safe with a person really feels safe This is why i'm a big proponent of doing social activities hobbies and mutual interests together to build the routes to trust These are routes to trust because when a person trusts you they're going to open up more Does this help? Does this sink in? I hope it does Sarah Sarah toti I screw your name up. So please or your name up. So anyways question It is it often a deliberate conscious act of men to state their online dating status as single instead of separated or divorced I politely ask how long have you been separated or divorced? um Well, first off, I think most dating apps say never married divorced separated Or widower. Okay, so I don't know too many dating apps that say You know dating apps that have single on there because they're asking never married or divorced Separated some some apps say separated or widower. Okay now when someone's divorced or widow or separated It's like right now i'm divorced But I don't I don't wear the badge of divorce Across my forehead. I just happen to be single now after being married. So i'm currently single That's the way I view it. So if someone is so my My facebook profile says single because on facebook profile it either says in relationship married or single So I don't think there's anything wrong with someone doing that now sometimes people feel ashamed Or they feel they're going to be rejected if they're separated or divorced Some people feel that way Especially younger people feel that way You know us millennia or us gen Xers and boomers We don't we don't really care one way or the other But I do believe the the younger generation might feel a little bit of shame Or out being divorced if you're a young person or separated so I can understand the why they hesitate That's my my belief of why that happens. Okay, so it it is deliberate But it's not necessarily intentionally to hurt someone else. Okay Hope I answered your question All right, let's see. What else we have on the board Oh I gotta take a breath for a second. So i'm oh colin. Thank you. I'm happy to hear that's helpful Alisa, thank you so much susan. Thank you so much when uh when men ask Okay, I got to put this one up on here susan says when men ask are your boobs real I asked a woman that are your boobs real and she said yes, they're really my boobs. They just happen to be store-bought I think these you know, it's funny There was this online quiz and it showed 20 different breasts and you had to pick which ones were You know original and which were store-bought, okay And my one of my friends did it and he got 17 out of 20 and I got 20 out of 20 So I pretty much can I I mean maybe I'm an expert. I can spot it, but Um I think it's just a nervous way. Some people ask to connect. I I know it's kind of stupid Um, but I just think it's a nervous way to connect with someone for some guys All right patricia writes Uh question met a guy over a year ago. We got together Shall we say shall we say now we don't hang out as much as we used to what's up? I know he's committed to his job, but what the fuck all right Let's read this again trish or patricia met a guy over a year ago. We got together shall we say now we're hanging out We don't hang out as much so Ladies this is why I'm such a proponent that before the penis ever gets to go inside the vagina That you start being more intentional and ask better questions in the dating process This is why I highly recommend reading the book Eight dates by dr. John and julie gotman eight dates by dr. John and julie gotman um because It's your job to ask better questions Stop being so naive stop sitting in your feminine energy and leaning back because that's all you have to do is Sit in your feminine and lean back because the man is the driver and he's the chivalrous one and he's going to claim you I laugh at that stupidity It's because you've learned every a lot of these feminine energy coaches are teaching you what's in this book called the rules Which is the stupidest book on the planet. This is mind games. This is reverse psychology bullshit Ladies you have to take charge of your relationship destiny Stop putting it in the hands of the guy and take care of your life. So trisha You should have never went this far with this guy It should have been right up front Asking what does commitment look like for you? How will you know you're ready for commitment and do check-ins on a regular basis ladies Before you have sex with the guys start asking better fucking questions I'm sorry for yelling, but I have to screen this because and i'm sorry patricia I don't mean to shame you insult you in any way I you're i'm using you as the metaphor for so many people that do the same thing So do me a favor get in his face ask what the fuck is going on or move on It's either get busy living or get busy dying everybody Stop settling for mediocreness. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right Gosh that's exhausting being me Leslie writes What are your thoughts on men that have been separated for years and haven't gotten a divorce or don't seem to have any plans So due to the costs involved My belief is whether it's a man or woman if you're dragging out your divorce. I want no part of it Okay, I want no part of it. So my thing is let him work on his shit Let him date all the other women Who will easily spread her legs for a guy who separated? Stop choosing men who are separated find people who have been divorced for at least a minimum of one year now I was dating while I was going through my divorce And I will tell you that a couple things happened Leslie thank you for that i'm going to take this out So I want to share with you a story and this was five months into my divorce or we you know We filed for divorce and I was on a dating site and a woman wrote me. She goes how long you've been divorced I said well, technically I'm not divorced. We're getting divorced. I'm separated and she wrote me back She says reach out to me in 18 to 24 months After you've had one to two transition relationships And I I go, what are you talking about? I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for a relationship I'm ready for a relationship. So fast forward four more months I meet this fantastic woman Really a fantastic woman and to this day. This was 15 years ago. We're still connected with one another And she said to me On our second date. She I mean she was really smitten by me and I was smitten by her And it was a great three month relationship and she said to me on our second date She goes, jonah, but first off hold that thought everyone. I have to go walk and go get someone. So don't leave. Don't leave. Don't leave Don't leave So she says jonathan, I have to date you with rose colored glasses. I go, why is that? She goes jonathan, you're a train wreck And I mean I was a train wreck and she goes. I know you're not ready for a relationship She goes, but I like you so much I'm I take ownership of this because I have to wear rose colored glasses dating you because I know you're a great guy But you're not ready and I kept saying I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready Sure enough three months into the relationship. I hit my emotional wall and that's as far as I could go and um, and we ended up, you know ending the relationship and we remained You know social friends or or I'll say social acquaintances. I mean mostly on social media And we've interacted a couple times since by the way, she's since got married and um, she moved out of state Why I wanted to get up was this is what she gave me for christmas Is a picture frame of rose colored glasses. Can you see that a picture frame of rose colored glasses? To this day it sits on on my bookshelf She said I have to date you with rose colored glasses Listen when you're dating someone who's separated and they're dragging out their shit You don't want to have any part of that and even someone who's going through a divorce like I was You got to recognize that she was one of two transition relationships. I had And actually it took me over 10 years to really be in the place where I'm at today now. Why did it take that long? I was a train wreck after my divorce. I had lost my quarter million dollar year job I was doing drugs and alcohol to numb the pain I was lost all my money in the marketplace. I was a wreck and I was didn't even I didn't have any purpose And it wasn't until I became a dating and relationship coach about 10 years ago that things started to shift And then I had to do a deeper dive into personal development. That's why ladies a lot of times when I was dating to numb the pain. That's what a lot of men do they date to numb the pain A lot of women do the same thing. They date to numb the pain and that's what I did Now through this process. I started to buy books. I started to read about Relationships and I know I'm unique compared to most men But I wanted to understand what was going on inside of me And it took me another five years and by the way, I had a great beautiful six year relationship with a woman It didn't work out And when I say beautiful relationship We just weren't we weren't right for each other in the beginning We knew it But we kind of went up against our better judgment And we parted very amicably in fact We had what was known as a conscious uncoupling if you haven't read this book by Catherine woodward thomas the book is called conscious uncoupling in fact my ex-girlfriend and I are on here By the way, there's a picture of Catherine. She's a personal friend of mine She wrote the book calling in the one but page 220 220 There it is Jonathan and sherry The our breakup letter to our community made in a book. So while I'm sharing this with you Is going back to me It took a lot of work a lot of work to be in a place where I was ready Where I'm ready to be in a fully committed relationship. Well, some people will say well, Jonathan Why are you still single? Well Folks, I suffered two big tragedies in the last three years. I lost my mom in um three years ago and then Okay, now i'm going to get emotional and then I lost my 19 year old son codder. There he is right there I lost him six months later This was two and a half years ago And I was in deep pain. I was in deep pain and as much as I wanted Connection with another human being and I wanted a woman to love me and hug me and hold me through this process My journey was to do a deeper dive. And so Connor's passing Connor's passing prepared me for the biggest journey of all in my life and that was to write my book What the heck is self love anyway? I believe that when we love on ourself, it's a vaccination to emotional chaos and during that next year I did 60 podcasts talking about grief and loss From the perspective as a dating coach and as a person who lost a child And I can tell you that we're all every one of you has suffered loss and pain and suffering We don't have to suffer. In fact, I said at his eulogy. I said When I gave his eulogy, I said I'm not going to suffer. I'm choosing not to grieve with suffering I'm going to grieve with love and this is why I'm such a big proponent of love And this is why I encourage you all to love on yourself because people will human beings will spend more time brushing their teeth Than investing in their emotional maturity Let me repeat that human beings have spent more time brushing their teeth in their lifetime Than they have working on their emotional maturity. And that's why I'm such a big proponent This is why by the way, I've had some ladies complain about the books. I'm suggesting. I'm like, what the fuck You've got to be kidding me I'm here to change your life and you're bothered by recommending books and then some go on to say, well, I don't have time to read books Let me just say something if you don't have time to invest in your emotional maturity But you'll fucking brush your teeth every day Then you have no business out being in the dating realm If you're not going to invest in your emotional maturity, this is why I'm yelling at the top of my lungs So I hope is you can hear this Obviously I'm passionate about this. So that's my invitation for everyone. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Let me know All right, whoo I went on a rant there Well, let's read this backwards Tina says Jonathan, I'm so sorry to hear that Jonathan You might like my podcast that talks about grief and the pain would love to be on a guess I'd be honored to email me at ja at understand men now or go to my website jonathanasley.com. I would be honored tina um Rebecca says gotta deal with that emotional gotta deal with that baggage. Yes, we do gotta deal with that baggage Um Someone says those guys are the ones who have the most baggage by the way Lisa Men and women equally have baggage luggage whatever you want to call it It is we have to stop the narrative that men are bad And that women are better from the woman's perspective and men have to stop being so critical of women because this is an Equal issue emotional maturity By the way ladies so many of you think you're emotionally mature I swear to god It cracks me up How many believe that they are and the minute I ask a half a dozen questions in my coaching program I realize some are either in victim consciousness or they're in righteous consciousness And that is not a emotional maturity is that space in between where you can be authentic transparent and vulnerable To be an actual grown-up going back to How to be a grown-up in relationship how to be an adult So men and women alike at least from my perspective lisa. All right All right Joy says I see in dating profiles all the time for me. It's a turn off. Okay. I didn't see what you wrote uh, rebecca writes Oh, sorry I'm doing personal development school and therapy at the moment. Oof no room in there for dating Well, I believe in putting yourself out there because you never know what can happen So I hope you do at some point make some room for dating. Hey kelly writes Jonathan can I ask you please? I was with a guy for quite a few months He seemed great spent time with me a lot met his friends then cut off cut off three feet of my hair Then cut off three feet of my hair cut off I don't I'm sorry. I don't let me read this again. Can you please can I ask I was I was with a guy for quite a few months He seemed great. Wait. He seemed He seemed great spent time with me a lot met his friends then cut off three feet of my hair I don't get the three. So if I'm assuming if you said you cut off three feet of your hair and then he cut you off I don't understand what's going on but Something turned him off and he ran the other way probably he wasn't ready for a mature relationship is my guess Thank you kelly How do you know when the inner child is out men and women? Okay, how do you know when the inner child is out? When you're needy When you need someone else when you need validation from someone else That's the little kid coming out when you act in title That's when the little kind of comes out or when you act like a victim That's when a little kid comes out the space in between Is not being in victim consciousness or not being righteous or entitled Okay, and being needy Insecure, that's what little kids do. That's not how a grown-up shows up in relationship. Alyssa. I hope that answers your question All right Let's scroll Bear with me. I'm doing my best Women's rights was a mistake. I spent 5 000 on picked artist camp yet to be rejected because of my bad looks should have paid the surgery Okay Thank you I dated two guys going through divorces and was supportive But it was awful ending badly both times lesson Learn my lesson that men need to take responsibility and not date when they're not ready I want to address this I would agree men and women alike Shouldn't date when they're not ready just like when I thought I was ready to my to my friend Diana Who said I dating you with rose color glasses. She knew I wasn't ready. I thought I was ready That's because humans lie to themselves Humans lie to themselves. It is a very here Colleen What does this shirt say human kind? It is a very human experience to lie to yourself Humans lie to themselves all the time men lie to them Men lie to themselves all the time women lie to themselves all the time and the problem is they bring people into their shift This is part of the journey everybody Get used to it. This is why if you really want to shift your narrative by this book And by maryanne williamson's book because when you learn that it's a human thing to be fucked up We judge less We judge less because the reality is as most humans are doing the best they can in fact If you're not familiar with the work of Allison armstrong, please check out the book the queens code the queens code She's all about telling encouraging women in particular To understand that most men are good guys They don't in most men are not trying to intentionally deceive you Just like most women aren't trying to intentionally deceive men. The problem is they're lying to themselves That's the real issue and this is the difference between emotional maturity and People with emotional weak emotional skills So this is why if you want help vetting for emotional maturity Check out the link to a free discovery call and if you can't afford coaching check out the link Below to my group called midlife love mastery where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a private facebook group and a once a month webinar All right, we're probably going to wrap up Get healthy with lauren Why do guys talk non-stop about themselves when you first meet? Is it nervousness or lack of self-awareness the answer is yes To both it could either be worth nervousness or a lack of self-awareness the reality is lauren Is that humans are bad most humans are bad at learning or actually learning how to get to know another human being This is why I studied all this stuff so I can teach every one of you how to get better at this process So yes, sometimes it's nervousness. Sometimes it's lack awareness This is why when you learn how to ask better questions you get better results All right Why do short guys message me when i'm looking for someone taller? Because you know what there's always exceptions to the rule just because that's what by the way, I don't know how many women I talk to All I need i'm they're fight. These are women five foot two. I need to be with the guy's six foot tall I need to be with the guy's six foot tall and then they marry a guy five foot six Here's the thing It's by the way, and why do unattractive women email attractive man. I mean I could make the same argument Okay, let's stop judging what people do And just appreciate the effort if you want to come from a place of love Then just say thank you for making the effort by the way ladies I swipe all day long from women When I see someone I'm not interested or attracted to I always in my heart say I'm sending you love I'm sending you love. I'm sending you love. I'm sending you love I believe the more we focus on the l word the l word of love We're going to get better results than focusing on the judgment or what someone does wrong. That's my belief susan I hope it helps, but let's not focus on why they're doing it How about we just are appreciated that someone made the effort and then we move on because it's the judgment that gets in the way The judgment gets in our way Ah, wow, we covered a lot today all right I'm gonna scroll one more time. I think this would be a good place to wrap up for today I've had a lot of fun with you all I want to thank you so much for the opportunity to share the five stupid questions women ask men Let's cover them real quickly. Have you noticed anything different about me? Does this dress make me look bad? What's you thinking? Do you think that woman is prettier than me and the last one? Hey, honey, what's wrong? Men will tell you when something's wrong. I hope you found value in this video today I'd be honored if you share with friends If you need some love and support do me a favor check out the links below to a free discovery call to my membership Group called midlife love mastery to my book. What the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway my podcast the what would love do podcast and certainly all the recommended books I hope you found value in this And if you have again, please share it with your friends Um, and last but not least it's the weekend If you got this far, I hope you have a fantastic weekend I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives and don't forget be human kind be both I want to wish you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now Oh, I'm gonna say I'm gonna say bye to claire kelly joy. Jessica melissa kira Uh, rebecca woman's rights. Uh joy lisa danielle. I guess dug didn't show up today Liz rebecca joy. Thank you so much. Have fun. Take care now You