 Right guys, it's me. What is going on? The last time you saw me at this very park Well, that's gonna be loud Actually, you know what? Look, that's the swing that I was on talking Extremely emotionally to all you guys exactly two weeks ago That's when I was feeling extremely desperate extremely Ah Depressed, you know at times for certain reasons that I got into Today I've been in Rockhampton for four weeks. I'm absolutely exhausted and I'm not exhausted through physical activity or through anything like that. I'm literally exhausted through severe through having severe anxiety and And you know, that's culminated in in in a severe severe bout of depression I've had the black cloud the black dog It bit me hard the last two or three days But I'm here To say That I've just secured my own two-bedroom apartment, I've just secured my own rental And I'm out here in the setting Sun of Rockhampton to tell you guys that this is my update after being here for four weeks My head has been in such a brain fog. You know, I've tried to make a video. I've tried to write I've tried to post on Instagram. I've tried to reply to comments I've tried to convey with my converse with my kids. I've even tried to go for a walk today With my ex and none of it worked. I'm a mute I've been an absolute mute But my head has been going round and round and round and round and that's what anxiety will do And I'm aware of it, you know, I've been a sufferer of that for a good two to three years And I'm gonna say that began You know anxiety feelings of feelings of You know being over critical of myself when I really shouldn't be And and you know every now and then I'll have a panic attack and I'm aware of what they are now You know, you do feel like you're having a heart attack, but you're not it's just it's a panic attack and it does pass Anxiety does pass It comes on through different reasons. It comes on with different symptoms, but for the last two to three days It's came on through Complete and utter exhaustion So I've actually done something the last three days that I've never done in my life and that is take naps Like I'm looking at my my Fitbit sleep Tracker and I have taken an hour and a half nap at exactly the same time for the last three days straight So I get up at about seven I'm tired again by about 11 and by about two o'clock now afternoon. I simply can't I can't I can't I can't stand up I can't think about anything. I simply need to shut my eyes and shut my brain off and go to sleep and that's exactly what what's happened Including today, but I've woken up today after my nap After going for an hour's walk with my ex and not saying a word. Can you imagine that? It's tough man. It's but it's all in here. She she's willing to talk. She is you know, we've all with both with both behave badly over the last two three years, but It's all in my head and one thing that I've You know finally been able to sort out that's going to allow me to to to think positively You know huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the last hour And that is because I finally heard back from the real estate agent that I've been waiting in the waiting on for the last three days you know To hear back and the longer it goes the less hopeful you are and to be honest I woke up this morning and I'd convinced myself that I didn't get the apartment. I I started thinking about Ways out of the situation Thinking about flying back home to New Zealand thinking about taking a bus down to Brisbane Where there'd be far more? You know opportunities to get an apartment But I did do one thing last night that I haven't done yet and that is apply for a couple of Normal every day nine to five jobs because I thought you know what if I if I don't get this apartment And I'm gonna have to continue paying night by night or at least week by week I'm gonna need some money I'm gonna need an income and so it got like it got it got like that and it got like that the last couple of days the last three days And I'm so happy to say that I woke up from my main hour and a half nap today Which does help man it does and this goes back to when I originally put out a post About quitting weed it's not it's not about going to rockhampton It was about quitting weed and a friend of mine who's been sober for six years reached out And he said look at the end of the day just be kind to yourself Be kind to yourself when you need to take naps take naps and that's one thing that stuck with me because I'd always thought I've never taken naps and I don't know why But I tell you what for the last three days I've needed to I've absolutely needed to there's been no no doubt in my mind and what happens is even after an hour of shut I you wake up, and you're actually feeling better. You're feeling refreshed. It's almost like that saying Sleep on it. You know what I mean sleep on it See how you feel when you wake up and whether that's a full night sleep or whether that's an hour's nap. It does work It works So this is my update in the next video I'll show you the apartment. I haven't got the keys yet I've still got to pay bond and That's been another thing that's been stressing me out So I don't have a regular income except for my YouTube money my YouTube income Which comes in once a month. I have you guys to thank for that, of course There are two other ways that you can support me support the growth of this channel support my family support my my journey and My life here in Rockhampton, and that is through becoming a channel member or Becoming a patreon now there are no perks for each of those I realized that but in future if I can get enough numbers if it really you know if it does catch catch on and You guys do want to support me in those financial ways, which I Understand why you wouldn't I mean I don't support anyone on patreon. I don't support anyone as a member I like the fact that YouTube is free, but I am being completely and open completely and utterly, you know open and honest and transparent and I guess that's worth something to some of you because there are I Think I've got nine patron patrons and I think I've got 35 members all up So I want to say a huge thank you to all you guys Who view my channel who like my videos and who do support me financially because that is that's amazing And it's helping me get through and it's helped me get through so today's date is is March the 11th my next YouTube payment comes in on March the 22nd and I'm about to clear out my bank account to pay bond and Well, I've really got nothing else to say. This is a quick update I'm sitting here at the park. You know, this is the this is the hill That I talked about in the previous video It's probably about I'm gonna say it's about 10 degrees. No, probably about 15 10 to 15 degrees 10 to 15 degrees on the angle and for a kid rolly-polying down. That's fucking cool except The there's actually a re a good reason Which I found out the last few days. I'm sorry guys. My brain has been so foggy I'm I'm struggling. I'm struggling to even make this video, but I hope it's coming across. Okay, it's gonna be completely unedited as per But there is one thing That I've found and that is that it doesn't matter how green the grass is here It doesn't matter how watered it's been in fact if it's green and watered. It's probably worse for this But there's a shitload of ants. Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna lay down on that ground and within 30 seconds I'll be covered in ants and some of them bite so we won't be doing that But this is an update and there's one thing I do want to say and and and look I was meant to get this apartment that I've got I was meant to because It's got I mean it's it's it's not the best place of course, but like I said in a previous video I'd live in a fucking cave at the moment You know what I mean as long as I could lock it and say it was my own I'd live in a cave But this place this place is good. It's just around the corner It's walking distance. So that means that if the girls do stay we can walk back to mums. They can walk to dads and You know seeing as I've got a scooter It's gonna make it a lot easier for that because You know, I'm not gonna be able to take both kids on a scooter although in Thailand and Bali They pack four on scooters and none of them are wearing helmets. That's not legal here. It's not legal there either But it seems they get away with it. Anyways, I Can feel I can honestly feel having just opened up the camera Sitting in the Sun Having been told finally that I've secured this apartment. I can feel I can feel a switch I can feel a change and it's a good change and it's a change that needed to come because I Couldn't continue the way I was something needed to change and this is this is the change, but You know, what have you got to do? You've got to apply You've got to prove your income, which I don't really have at the moment You know, I kind of pulled a pulled a bit of a swift one on them because I do have two sets of income at the moment one one through YouTube and one through my rental property in Alice Springs, but What I didn't include is the fact that All of that income through my rental property goes on Payments of the loan of the body corporate and of the property management fees So I don't actually make any income from that But they think I do Anyway, we'll make it work. Like I said, I've applied for jobs if I have to get one. I have to get one I'm staying here in Rocky It was meant to happen this apartment. I was meant to get because otherwise My two girls may not have had their dad around them When they really need it the most You know, I was I was seriously thinking about going back to New Zealand Because of the fact that if you don't have a job, I can I can get on the benefit I can have You know unemployment assistance and That's one thing I can't get here in Australia, although I was meant to Because I was meant to become an Australian citizen, but that's a subject for another day It actually is gonna be the next video on this channel is gonna be titled the Australian government fucked me over and that's exactly what they did but I Just didn't play the rules. I played the rules right up to the right up to the last second and then I didn't and so it's my fault But I really thought that we could have come to an agreement, but we haven't been able to it is what it is And that's it and I've got someone walking behind me with headphones on I don't think you can hear me All right That's enough from me To you Thank you. Thank you all for the support means a hell of a lot I'm sticking around It's been four weeks. This is my update and I'll see you in the next one peace out