 Well, Petrach, your beloved Catherine is not here. So, oh, but it is being live streamed. So she might catch this. But my memory of that, is she here? My memory of that bookstore was that you were getting packed up to come to America, and Catherine had told you not to pick up one more book. And so you kept stuffing them into places of your pocket. Like a hobbit. What's in my pocketess? That's my memory as well. So there you have it. Very, very fond memories. Bishop Strickland, I was really grateful that he came first because, you know, he opened his talk with a Texas howdy. Yes, but I'm not from Texas. So really what I, you know, I'm from Nashville. So I should say, hey y'all, but I'm not really from Nashville either. I'm from Baltimore. So we say, hey guys. You can imagine how that went over in the convent. My first few months. Hey guys. Anyway, there you have it. So Bishop Strickland also helped me out with this talk because he said, it's not an academic talk and neither is my talk, an academic talk. Though I do hope I say something rather important as soon as my slideshow shows up. I'm kind of looking for my slideshow. Oh, there it is. There it is, thank you. One of our sisters, sister Mary George Barrett, I'd rest her soul, you know, we would often go to her before we would start classes or even give a talk and I especially would say, sister, I'm nervous about the talk or I'm nervous about this year. And she'd say, oh honey, you should be. And then she'd say, because that shows that you really understand the gravitas of what you're about to do. And so I took that to heart. So I am a little nervous about this evening, not because I'm afraid of a stage, apparently you've noticed that already. But because what I'm gonna present to you really does have a gravitas to it. And it really does come from the depth of my heart and my experience. It is a doctrine that I have been living all my life but I didn't quite understand it and still until my recent assignment that I'll tell you a little more about. So let's begin by asking our mother Mary to just take this all up into her heart and bless you who are here and those of you who are watching. Let's just give our whole life and our whole day and our whole everything to her as we pray in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen. Mother Mary, we ask you to put us into your most beautiful, immaculate heart, that is so pure, so strong, so full of peace and so full of joy. Mother, I entrust all of these people to you, those who are here present and those who are participating through the live stream. You know our stories, you know our past, you know our present. Just bring that all into your immaculate heart. Wrap us in your mantle of grace and protection as we lift ourselves to you and those whom we love, as together we pray. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen. Saint Dominic. Saint Francis. In the name of the Father and of the Son of the Holy Spirit, amen. That's for Sister Johanna. So we have a sister at home that when you ask her how you do in, she always says, never better. And there are days when I know what her day's been like and I keep thinking, this is better, I mean really? People ask me how am I doing? And I say, I'm doing the best I can. With the graces I'm wasting. That was a joke, by the way. Everybody at home was laughing. Think about it, I'm doing the best I can with the graces I'm wasting. And actually that's true, not just for me, but for you as well. We are all doing the best we can with the graces that we're wasting, amen. Cause the truth is that God's grace supplies are all need, all things that we hope for, all troubles that we have, all difficulties in our self, in our families. His grace is sufficient. Well this summer I must have been having a real doozy of a time, or past summer rather, wasting graces because when I learned about the theme for Bosco, that it was this troop rallying battle cry, shine out among them. Like bright stars in the world. The first thought that came to me was, right, fair enough. But what if you're feeling nothing more than like a smoldering wick or a bruised reed? It's hard to go out with bravado, peresia, when you're feeling like a smoldering wick or a bruised reed. What if the light of Christ that was given to you in baptism has suffered wave after wave or gale after gale of personal, professional, or moral failure? What if now it's been 30 or 40 or 50 years since the light of Christ pierced the darkness of your soul, and instead of growing brighter, it seems to have grown more dim? What if your light feels like nothing more than a smoldering wick? And what if, dear friends, we're not just talking about feelings of desolation? What if the light of Christ in you really is nothing more than a smoldering wick? Objectively speaking, your petty, grumpy, controlling, envious, gossipy, vain, jealous, self-indulgent. If you are, we have a lot in common, and that was not a joke. What if you have an uncontrollable need to be right, to have the last word, to be successful or approved? And let me toss this net just a little bit wider, if I dare. What if you can't stop shopping, eating, drinking, gambling, taking pen medicine? The fact of the matter is most of us are all broken, bruised reeds, smoking, smoldering wicks, and those who aren't now used to be. I've been asked to speak a word of hope to you all, a word of comfort and peace in a rather messy world, a messy apostolate. I'm gonna speak to you about that in the context of a messy self, and so that's what I'm gonna do. Hope begins and ends in God, and we know that from his word, he will not crush the bruised reed, and he will not squelch the smoldering wick. And it's on this hope that we stand. And so shining out like bright stars with all that light of Christ in us, I think starts with a honest, humble reckoning of the darkness that's within. I wanna talk to you tonight about wasting graces and making a plan to start over. Reflect with me as we go through scripture meditating on light and darkness. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was a formless and empty darkness, was over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, let there be light, and there was light. He reveals deep and hidden things. He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? But you are a chosen people, a rural priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Tonight I wanna give you a word of hope. I wanna offer you a light in the darkness. And I've been coming to these conferences for many, many years, and I have walked a journey with many of you. I know my own life. I know my own sisters. I know people. All of us can use a word of encouragement as we struggle with darkness. And moving through that darkness requires a hope in God's light. So here we all are navigating midlife or close to it. I have a few younger sisters here, but they'll get there soon enough. And we've been battling our vices and our struggles and our ups and downs and slugging away with our daily prayers and sacrifices. And the temptation is lurking, or you might be in the full throws of it, to throw it all in. Today, Father spoke about the bar that Jesus Christ sets as the perfect human and how we stand up against the wall and kinda measure ourselves according to that. Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. And with God's grace, we are called to do that. But we might right now be in that moment of good heavens. Does it ever get better? Now maybe you're not having a spiritual midlife crisis. When I'm finished, you can pat me on the back and say, it's okay, sister, you'll get through it. But I don't think I'm the only one. As a matter of fact, St. Philip Neary on his deathbed, he said to his feather brothers, when I get better, I'm gonna change my life. It's true, you can look it up. When I get better, I'm gonna change my life. Navigating this spiritual journey that we're on is coming to terms with where we are and where God wants to bring us. So I've been keeping social distance with a few friends during COVID. So Philip Neary was one. I was reading his works and listening to his life and St. Paul, St. Thomas Aquinas, of course, Dominicans, you know, we always have to get a shout out for St. Thomas. But I was reading St. Thomas. I was also reading St. Ignatius of Loyola because I'm very ecumenical. I hope my mother general's not watching this. But I've also been reading Dr. Gerald May. He's a clinical psychiatrist. I read a little bit of Brene Brown, so I'm not gonna quote her because she cusses like a Texan. And I've also been reading a new friend I'd like to introduce you to tonight, named Jean Heaton. And then there's this group of fellas that I affectionately call my St. Joe fellas. It's the year of St. Joseph. Now I'm confident that most people wouldn't throw this mix of people into the same crock-pot, but that's what my life has been like. A whole plethora of different personalities. And it's their wisdom I'd like to share with you tonight about being a bruised reed on a smoldering whip. So let me give you a little background. So currently I am assigned to work and minister at our Bethany Retreat house in Dixon, Tennessee. Nobody's from Dixon? Well you should come to Dixon because it's a great place. Craig Morgan lives there. Thank you, somebody loves country music. So as Patrick said, I'm also trying to finish up a book and hopefully that will be out next spring. Last summer we had a number of major landscaping projects and road erosion projects that needed to be done. We had dead trees and dead bushes. We had French drains to be dug and truckloads of gravel and soil to be spread. A stone foot pathway, six by 100 foot long that had to be put down. Boulders, 500 pounds, 200 pounds. It was just, it was a lot of work. It was man's work. It was man's work. Except we didn't have a man. And we couldn't afford one. Because we couldn't have people come to the retreat house for free. Now for the record I want you to know I have a perfect spouse. Amen, amen. I have a perfect spouse. And I love him deeply. But he doesn't show up when there's man's work to be done. Not this kind of man's work. What are you ladies clapping for? I hope your husbands aren't here. So what did I do? I did what any matured married woman would do. I pitched a fit. I sure did. I let him have it. I let him have it. It was about mid-July and I was at my wit's end beyond physical endurance. And I went to Jesus in prayer and I really let him have it. And I said, I'm done with doing man's work. And then I went to St. Joseph and I said, Joseph, do something about this. So see this talk really does fit the year of St. Joseph. St. Joseph sent me some men and good heavens within two days. I have not had a prayer answered this quickly from Joseph but in two days, don't you know men start popping up. And it all started with a last minute and it really was a last minute decision. Like we were one exit away and sister says, oh, go ahead and stop. So I pull off and I'm going to look at a local field. It's a field, I'm looking for fieldstone and it's a mulch and stone gravel yard. And so I'm there and we're about to leave in this really tall man with like the span of the incredible hawk. And Matt loves it when I describe him that way, right? To the rescue, you know, Superman. And he leans down and he says, sister, I have a black truck, can I help you? I didn't know him from Adam, but I was that desperate. And I said, yes. So we exchange, he gave me his number, I got home when I come to find out he's actually one of our parents at our school. Matt Wolf is just good as gold. So he comes down with his big black truck and I come to learn that Matt is a recovering alcoholic. He shared that with me pretty quick in the exchange of shoveling mulch. And through him I came in contact with a group of fellas who live at Discovery Place. That's a non-profit recovery center for men trying to break free of their addiction. Every Wednesday, a van pulls up at the sister's retreat house and unloads five to 12 men willing to give their sweat and blood to help us take care of 72 acres. I affectionately refer to them as my St. Joe fellas because St. Joseph brought them to us. And every time they come, and one of them is here this evening and he will attest to this, I look them in the eye and I say, you are an answer to a prayer. And I mean that. The fellas who helped me at Bethany are all recovering addicts. They come from all over the states, from many different backgrounds. Some are young enough to be my son or my nephew, others my brother. And they have tried to break free of their addiction multiple times and have failed. Because attachments to a certain way of thinking and choosing are quite hard to break. Some people never do break those habits and some never try. But these fellas are. They've chosen to belong to a sober living program recognizing that they can't break free of their enslaved patterns of behavior. They can't change their behavior on their own. They need the help of others and they need the help of God. Each one has a past and a present and each one prays daily for a future. And while they're not particularly religious men, though some really are, they've come to accept that it's God who is putting their life back together or trying to. And now they help me. What my addicts teach me about wasting graces is almost inexpressible. They are so honest with their addiction. They're so honest with their transparency and it might be what I'm wearing. They feel safe with me and that's beautiful. But I think it's also part of their coming to terms with what has happened in their life. And they can't hide anymore. Each one has made in some way a mess of his life and he knows it. I used to be married. I used to have a business. I used to have a license. Sometimes they tease each other when they're working and one will say, oh, that's just his alcoholism. There he goes, trying to control everything. He thinks he's his higher power. And I start thinking, maybe that's my problem. I think I am a higher power. Maybe that's what it is. I'm a recovering higher power. Laughing, that's not, no. Perhaps they share with me their past because maybe I've earned their trust. I do love them. They can't really fix their past. They don't presume in their future. They know too many who have fallen back into addiction. They live in the present as best as they can and they ask God or their higher power to sustain them this day, this hour. And though I'm not canonizing them because Mark won't let me. He's the really, really dirty one in the front next to me. He always tells me, sister, sister, they're messy. And I think that's what I love about them. They are messy, but so am I. And so are you, amen? Now I'm from the cell. Lots of Protestants and Baptists down there. Amen? Amen. No, it's true. They are messy. And so am I, and so are you. Last fall, the fellows we were working on a project to erect a cross on one of the trails. There's a lot of trails at Bethany. One spot is a convergence of three paths. Two are which are really quite rigorous and our sister Marie Evelyn, she wanted to put something there for people as they're making the way on the trail to stop and, and she says stop and pray, but I think it's to stop and catch their breath really. So the fellows and I put together this linking log cross. We went into the woods and we first cut down a dead tree and sectioned off a cross beam and then we fastened it to this beautiful live tree. And it was a real meditation for us. The dead tree fashioned to the live tree. And we were finished. We gathered around the bed of the pickup truck admiring our work. And I do work with them by the way. Don't I Mike? Don't I work with you? Thank you. I do work with them. So we're kind of discussing the juxtaposition of this dead branch on a live tree and it's forming this cross. And one of them likened it to his addiction and recovery. And another echoed and he said, you know, sister, I wouldn't be the person I am today. If I hadn't suffered from my addiction, it taught me to stop relying on myself and to rely on God. The early church fathers were captivated by the whole concept of the incarnation. And they would wonder, God could have saved us in any way. Why did he come in this way? Why did he come in the flesh? And Gregory of Nanzians, and he said, what has not been assumed has not been healed. What has not been assumed has not been healed. God's entry point into humanity was in the flesh. The word became flesh and developed among us. And you know something, dear friends? It's still that way. God's entry point into humanity is still in the flesh, in your flesh. He's coming into your life, in what your life is. Wherever it is, whatever it is, that's where God's coming in. Grace is not some ethereal idea out there. Grace is the point of contact between God and me, God and you. St. Paul the Cross said that sickness, and I would insert sin, brokenness, woundedness, addiction is a great grace of God. It teaches us what we are. In it we recognize the patient, humble and mortified man. When sickness, addiction, brokenness, woundedness, weakens and mortifies the body, the person, the soul is better disposed to raise herself up to God. St. Paul said, I willingly boast of my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. What is your weakness? What is your brokenness? What is your wound? Do you trust? Do you believe? Do you dare hope that that's the very place that his power will demonstrate its strength in your life? One of my favorite miracles stories is the man born blind in St. John's Gospel chapter nine. And I think I like it because it's just so earthy. You know, Jesus can cure any way he wants, right? We know this. You can say a word and people are cured, but on this particular event, he takes any spits, makes mud, and he smears that mud on the person's eyes. It's just so earthy, isn't it? I think that's what our life is really all about. Allowing Jesus to get into our muddy mess, to use the mud that's in our life, to use that mess, to use that mud to heal us. We are all messy, muddy miracles of grace. Any good you do, any good you've ever done is God's grace. It's not your power, it's his power. And he's already working in you. Don't run away from the mud and the mess. Give it to him. Let it be the point of contact. The entry into your flesh, into your life, into your world. What's my point? Just do whatever you want and wait for God to figure this out. I wouldn't be a Dominican if I thought that. God has a plan for each one of us, and we need to be serious about living that plan. But sometimes we really do mess up. We really do. And for so many people, that becomes the point of no return. I've ruined it. I've ruined my relationship with my family. I've ruined my relationship with my boss. I've ruined my relationship with this friend. I've ruined my life because I can't keep a job because of this addiction. It becomes the place of no return. And what I'm asking you to do this evening, dear friends, as Catechus, is to look at your life specifically, be honest with what's going on and don't give up. Don't give up. And don't give up on others. Don't give up on your children. Don't give up on your boss. Don't give up on the people you're teaching. A bruised reed he will not crush. And a smoldering wick he will not squelch. No one is beyond God's power. No one, not you, not the heroinin addict, not your children, no one, not the transgender people. No one is beyond God's reach. And if you're comfortable with your messiness and if you stop trying to hide from it or cover it up or lie to yourself about it, if you become honest with what it is, I think you will find yourself a little more tolerant in the right kind of way of burying others is what tolerant means. You'll be able to bear others in their brokenness. Pope John Paul II said many years ago that the drama of every life is the struggle to surrender the person I am to the person I ought to be. That's the drama, it's the struggle. Surrender the person I am, where am I right now? And where is God calling me to be? And to get into that struggle, to be at peace with that struggle in a certain sense, to be willing to take that struggle on. Every life is quite dramatic. Every one of you is a great story of hope, of recovery, of new beginnings. John Cardinal Newman said to live is to change and to be perfect is to change often, to change often, day by day, hour by hour. To look at my negative behavior, my moral failure, my messiness, what was the list? Petty, grumpy, vain, gossipy, controlling. Remember the list? I'm sure you've got your own. And to be willing to change that. To be willing to do something specific to change it. And that's what I wanna offer to you as well. Maybe let's start changing some bad habits if we can. So they say it takes 28 days to change from one way of thinking to another way of thinking. But that I think presumes that everything's in place actually. That presumes that everything's in place. You can kind of change that habit. Anybody try to stop quit smoking, don't raise your hand. I shouldn't ask you that in public, I'm sorry. No confessions here. But you know how hard it is to, here's the way you operate, here's the way you think. Here's your default mechanism for dealing with stress or frustration or somebody who hurts your feelings. We all have them. Thank you for nodding your head because everyone else is like, don't look at me, sister, please don't look at me. I know you're talking about me. No, I'm talking about me and sister. No, I'm just, I have those patterns of being and living and moving. And we have tried to change them and it's very difficult. It's very difficult. And so I mentioned to you that I was keeping company with some friends and Dr. Gerald May was one of them. I have read his books before Addiction and Grace and Will and Spirit. I think Addiction and Grace is in your bookstore. Bob Siemens uses it in his School of Spiritual Direction. Read it many, many, many years ago. But I read it in a new way after working with my St. Joe Fellows. I really did. Jean Heaton is, oh, she's a mom. She's a mom. She's written a great book and I'll tell you a little more about that. But she's a mom who's navigated addictions in her family and she was actually one of my star catechists in my catechetical formation program. So in his book Addiction and Grace, Dr. May looks at kind of the psychophysical nature of behavior and addiction. Maybe you knew this, but I didn't know this. There are 10 billion to one trillion neurons in the brain and each neuron is talking to other neurons through neurotransmitters. And neuro receptors and they're firing back and forth all the time. And the brain fires off about 500 trillion, 500,000 trillion synapses a day. This is this constant, constant movement of chemicals that go on in the brain. Synapse is firing. Have you all read this stuff? Oh, it's a good book. Let me tell you what. So he says that a simple knee jerk response might take a few hundred thousand of those. Simple knee jerk response. Few hundred thousand of these connections. Complex activities such as thinking and judging and choosing to act requires millions, billions. So for you to change the way you think about something or to change a choice takes millions, billions billions of these neurotransmitters and neuro receptors working in the same direction. No wonder I have such a hard time making up my mind. So according to Dr. May, he says that addiction, addiction, now I'm using that word addiction, but he uses it, I'm using it as broad as he uses it. So let me give you this, what he says about addiction, the definition. Now listen carefully, it's a little technical. So take your pencil out or something like that. I'll try to take it carefully. He says addiction exists when the collective power of cellular patterns existing to maintain a behavior is greater than the collective power of cellular patterns that function to oppose that. So this whole thing of gotta have a drink, my brain going this way, is so overpowering that the opposite cellular pattern that would say, no, don't have a drink is overwhelmed. So to hold your tongue when you wanna say something nasty about somebody and you've been doing it a long time and dag on it, you're good at it. It's just going that way. That's what I do when I'm mad. Overpowers the cellular patterns to breathe in Jesus, breathe out peace. Now his book is a little technical, but I think it does have a lot to offer us in this whole complexity of behind one choice. And it sheds a little light, at least it did for me on St. Paul's lament, why do I do the things I don't wanna do? Cause I'm wired in one way. Even the most simple saying is really complex. Now, I wouldn't be a faithful tomast if I left all of this to just chemicals. And neither does Dr. May. He clearly sets up what's happening in the chemicals of the body with patterns of behavior, with addiction, and let me tell you what, his list of addiction is hilarious. Like addiction, oh, it is easy to be addicted. You just think about, can you stop doing something you don't like that you do? Gotta have that Coke, gotta have that Sprite, gotta have that Starbucks, gotta have it, gotta do it, gotta say it, this is how I do it, it's gotta be in this box. Dr. May would say that's an addiction, cause you can't do otherwise. Now St. Thomas would not reduce choice to just this firing of chemicals. And I'm not saying we don't have free choice. We do have free choice. The intellect and the will has the higher power over the body. But what I am saying is that there are an awful lot of free radicals racing around in your body that are influencing the way you think and choose. And that's what we need to be intentional about asking God's grace to go to. So Jean Hayton has written a lovely book. It's very easy. It's in the bookstore. It's very easy to read. Jean and I became acquainted, reacquainted three years ago through a series of catechetical events and talks that I've given. And she has written about her experience of her son who has recovered from serious drug addiction. She's been blogging about this journey and she's really trying to share with people specifically Catholic women these insights that she has from this whole ordeal. Through the many conversations I've had with Jean and you'll see this, actually read this in her book, I've come to appreciate that negative behavior, even sin, is a kind of addiction. My default pattern of being grumpy or nasty or gossiping or detracting or critical or vain or self-reliant, needing to control things is really very similar to the addict who's attached to a heroine. There's a pattern of behavior that needs to change but I can't do it. In a way, I'm a little hardwired to go that way. And you might be too. You might not be willing to admit it tonight. Fair enough, I did. But if we can't change that behavior, if we're stuck in ruts, a certain behavior, it's time to say, I can't fix this. And what Jean taught me was that the pattern to freedom, the pattern to freedom in my moral life, right? To really live in God's grace and really live in his freedom is very much like the addict who relies on this very simple mantra. I can't, God can, I'll let him. I can't, God can, and I'll let him. That's not a pithy phrase, excuse me. That's not a pithy phrase at all. I can't change the hardwired patterns of behavior that I have nurtured over and over and over again. But God can, and he wants to. He can and he wants to. And he will if we want him to. I'm not a counselor, I'm a catechist. Right now I'm a gardener. I'm a landscape expert. I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a counselor. I'm not even in the AA program. Attachments anonymous. Though I probably should be. So I can't pretend to be an expert in this. What I'm offering to you is that I know my life, I know my struggle. I have been with so many of you who have been so beautiful with sharing your life and your struggle. I know my St. Joe fellas. I know their life and their struggles. And I just wanna start a conversation, that's what Gene always says, let's just start a conversation with our Catholic brothers and sisters to come out of the darkness into the light that addictions are real and attachments are serious and there's a way out of them, there's a way out of them. And so the first way out is a reckoning. It's a reckoning. It's an honest to goodness looking in. It's admitting that we're powerless about addictive behavior. We're powerless about it. And there's no one in this room who doesn't have it. Yeah, I'm gonna say that again. There's no one in this room who doesn't have addictive behavior. You might be functioning, thank you. You might be functioning, you might be happy. I mean, but there's some, we all have this and God wants us to be free for freedom's sake he has set us free. That we can move in freedom in his grace. So admitting that we're powerless over the compulsive need to be perfect, to be right, to be successful, to be powerful, to be in control, to be admired, compulsive need, to be rich, popular, a compulsive need to gossip, compulsive to deceive others, to judge others, to detract, to lie, to drink excessively, to engage in any unhealthy behavior. Admit it, reckon with it. You have it, you're powerless over it and then to trust that God can do it. And I'm using the word professing. So professing, trusting that God is your higher power. God can take care of what you are suffering with. God can take the mud and his spittle and make saints out of us. Trust that he wants this in you. He wants you to be free, to really be free. For freedom's sake we have been set free. That we can walk in boldness and calmness and peace and joy. Where we are, what we are, moving forward. God can take care of us. Professing his love, believing in his love, believing that he's not waiting for you to be perfect. He's not. You know that, right? He loves you right where you are. He loves you right where you are in the mess that you are. He's God and he can do great things in our life, in our lives when we profess his power and stop relying on our power. And the final step is surrendering, surrendering. So, it's a true story. I have been trying for two weeks to finish this talk. Two weeks I've been trying to finish this talk. But I work at a retreat house and there's always lovely people who come and there's always work to do. And so every time I try to sneak away to get this talk finished, something else would come up and I was a real mess before I got here. Because I'm a recovering higher power. I'm recovering. And so I didn't get this page done. I went around with Jesus and I was like, okay, this is Bosco, this is live streamed. There are really people who are gonna be watching this. I mean, come on, mother may never let you out of the house again. If you, all kinds of fears, overwhelming fears, overwhelming anxieties, overwhelming what will they think. Petrox here. And it didn't happen. And all day long I gave myself to people in spiritual guidance thinking I'd sneak away and it didn't come. And then Kate who's in transportation dispatch. I was like, Kate, I didn't get the last page done. She said, what's it on? I said, surrendering. She went, sister, I think you got that done, didn't you? So what is it? Surrendering is, I can't. I can't and I can't control it. He's in control. And I can either accept that and live in that place and be peaceful or I can keep trying to make things happen and make myself a wreck and everybody else a wreck that lives with me. So on the way up here, I finally was trying to just let that go. And I think I did, Lord. Surrendering is simply recognizing that you're not God, he is. Did you know that? You're not God, he is. And the first time I came to reckon that with my own life, when he was like, you're not God. I mean, look how I'm dressed. Can you imagine getting that message? Remember, Sister Mary Michael, you are not God, I am. I found great relief in St. Catherine of Siena who was a 14th century Dominican saint, you might know her, set the world on fire, brought the pope back to Rome, had bishops and cardinals and princes and kings listening to every word she said she was dynamic preacher. At the height of her game, God said to her, remember Catherine, I am he who is and you are she who is not. So, surrendering. God wants us to live in freedom. That's why he created us. He had a plan in his mind. He has a plan in his mind for you. That plan hasn't changed. He knows what he's about. He is with you, he loves you. He is waiting to take care of you. He couldn't possibly love you more. He doesn't want you shackled to fear and shame, failure, concern, about petty things. He wants you to walk on water to surrender it all to him, knowing and trusting that he can do anything with your life, with your mass. He's just waiting for you to give it to him, amen? So, I'd like to give the Blessed Mother the last word on this because she is a model of surrender for us. You might like the chosen, you might not. I'm not here to have that discussion really. But, what I do enjoy about what Dallas is trying to do is to have us have a little bit of imagination about what's in the scripture and fill in the blanks a little bit. You know, what was Mary thinking about her life? I mean, surely she could sense that there was something unique about her. I mean, gosh, even when I have God's grace in me, I get a little, ooh, and I am not immaculately conceived. So, if I can have, in a moment of knowing God's grace, and you can too, right? Imagine what Mary had. So, she's having conversations with God about her life, her future, and here comes the angel. And he says, this is what God wants of you, you know? This is what God wants of you. And she has to let that go and give that to the Lord. And when she does that, she comes into a place of, of a, yeah, of an exaltation, a place of joy and praise and it's awesome. And she goes to her cousin, Elizabeth. And Elizabeth recognizes that she is carrying the Son of God. And Mary gives this beautiful proclamation, a testimony to God's grace in her. It is about her, but it's God working in her. Dear friends in Christ, your life is where God wants to be. He's coming into that very life, that very place. And if you let him, he will transform that and make you, make of you miracles of grace. Miracles of grace. So I ask you to stand. I'm going to profess the words of the Blessed Mother. I'm gonna ask you, can you say them too? Can you say them too? And Mary said, my soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord. And my spirit rejoices in God my savior. Because he has looked upon the humiliation of his servant. From now onwards, all generations will call me blessed. Will call me blessed. For the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name. And his faithful love extends age after age to those who fear him. He has used the power of his arm. He has routed the arrogant of heart. He has pulled down the princes from their thrones and has raised up the lowly. He has filled the starving with good things and he has sent the rich empty away. He has come to the help of his servant Israel mindful of his faithful love, according to the promise that he made to our ancestors of his mercy to Abraham and his descendants forever.