 Low State Ritz-Carthé Circle, Second Laugh Hit, Dixie Dugan. The Grape Nuts Flakes Program with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. And back with us after an absence of five weeks, Jack Benny! Of course we've all heard how it takes two to make a bargain. Well, truer words were never said when it comes to modern shopping. Because it takes two kinds of currency, cash, and ration stamps, to buy many of today's foods. So here's a thought to put in your pocketbook on your shopping expedition next time. Nearly all foods, let's face it, have gone up in price. Gone up anywhere from 2% to 75%. But there's at least one big exception to this general wartime rule. Grape Nuts Flakes is America's fastest growing breakfast cereal, and because you folks have been switching to that big 12-ounce economy-size package, you're paying on the average less for your Grape Nuts Flakes today than you did in 1939. So, with the price of many foods where it is today, it's great to know you're doing both your family and your budget a favor when you serve more crisp, toasty brown Grape Nuts Flakes. For they're a real flavor treat, they provide important whole grain nourishment, and they bring you real savings. So plan to buy several packages at a time in the big 12-ounce economy-size of unrationed Grape Nuts Flakes. Not anybody played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we would like to take you to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills where Jack is convalescing from his recent illness. The time shortly before noon today, the place Jack's bedroom. Take it away, Beverly Hills. Let's see. I got two teaspoons of cherry syrup in it. A couple of drops of menthol. I think it needs another dash of gin. There, that's enough. This kind of medicine makes the cold a pleasure. Oh, Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny, wake up. What is it, Rochester? Well, what do you want, Rochester? It's time for your cough medicine. I think you'll like it better now. I put more gin in it. More gin? You mean to say this cough medicine I'm been drinking has gin in it? You couldn't have that silly grin on your face from just plain sight. What? You may not believe this, but you've been snoring sweet Adeline. Well, I might have known you to make my cough medicine wrong. Believe me, from now on, I'll have my prescriptions filled at the drugstore. Okay, boys, but you'll find very few pharmacists with the imagination I got. Now, to want imagination, I want my medicine right. Now, put my electric heating pad under the covers. My feet are getting chilly. Electric heating pad? That's the toaster with a towel wrapped around it. I don't care. Plug it in. Yes, sir. Answer the phone. Hello? Mr. Benny's residence? Woodward extension? Oh, hello, Sugar. How are you? Hmm. Well, I don't know, honey. I'll have to find out. Oh, Mr. Benny, can I have tonight off? I want to go down to Central Avenue to see my girl. No, absolutely not. Looks like you'll have to come out here, honey. So... Rochester, you know I'm not feeling well. Why can't you see your girlfriend tomorrow night? Tomorrow's Monday. I got a date with my Monday girl. Your Monday girl? Maybe I could switch my Tuesday girl to Wednesday and make Saturday a double-header. If it's standin' bald, you don't ever... Whoops! Whoops, pull it out! Pull out what? Pull the plug! Pull the plug! My toes are caught in the toaster! Quick, pull it out! My foot burns. Wow, pour some ice water out of Rochester. Hold still, boss. There, that's better. What's the matter, Jack? Somebody give you a hot foot? No, I got my toes caught in the toaster. Your toes caught in the what? In the toaster. Could happen to anyone. Oh, sure. Everybody's making toast in bed nowadays. It's all arranged. We're using it for a heating pad. Oh, Rochester, what are you doing with that bottle of cough medicine? I was holding up to the light and some of it ran down my throat. Well, why were you holding it up to the light? I told you, some of it ran down my throat. Put that bottle down. Yes, sir. How do you feel, Jack? Do you think you'll be able to make the show today? I've got to. I can't disappoint my public. Just think, Mary, people have been deprived of hearing my voice for five long weeks. You'd be surprised how fast they went. Well, I'll admit that Orson Welles did a pretty good job. Pretty good? He's one of the most polished performers I've ever worked with. He is, eh? He's the most beautiful speaking voice I've ever heard. Oh, he has, eh? Gosh, when he says, good evening, this is Orson Welles. I get goose pimples all over. I don't care if you break out in billiard balls, he's no better than I am. Now, let me tell you something about the guy that gives you such a thrill. I was sick in bed five weeks. He didn't even send me a basket of fruit. I finally had to wire him. The least he could've done, you think, would be to... Well, look who's here. Hello, Phil. Hiya, Mary. Hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. Boy, you have been sick. Well, I imagine I am a little pale. A little pale? You look like you went to the blood bank and forgot to say when. Oh, I'm not that bad. She was at the front door, Rochester. Oh, it can't be my girl yet. She just called. It might be for me. It's my house, remember? I answer the door. Okay, okay. Hey, Jackson, I got a surprise for you. Alice Faye, now appearing in Hello Frisco, Hello, made a dozen donuts for you with her own little hands. A dozen donuts? Where are they? Out in the car, I'll get Rochester to help me carry them in. They're that heavy, Phil. Leave them in the car. No, I gotta get them out of there. My tires keep going down. That hairs is really pumping these gums. Well, I'm only guessing, but I'll bet my temperature just went up two points. Well, Jack, if you have a fever, you ought to stay home and let Orson handle the show today. That's a little fever. I've had it for five weeks now. One minute I'm hot, the next minute I'm cold, then I'm hot, then I'm cold. You sound like a shower bath at a cheap hotel. I don't care what I sound like, Orson Wells is not going to do my program today. Guys, I'm sure going to miss wealthy. Without him, the show won't have no refinement, no culture, no class. And it won't have no Harris, if you don't shut up. Anyway, what's all this raving about Orson Wells? Gosh, when I was in third grade in walkie-gain, I was a genius, too. I did something no other pupil ever did before. What'd you do? He joined the Navy. All right, my record still stands. Say, boss, the doctor's here. Do you want to see him? No, Rochester, no. I've been lying here in bed all week because I can't find my pants. You're pressing them under your mattress. Well, show the doctor in. Okay, here he is. How do you do, doctor? Well, well, and how's my little patient? Shall we take that nasty cast off your leg today? I got a cold in my chest, doctor, not a broken leg. Oh, pardon me. I was thinking of Claudette Colbert's Cocker Spaniel. He's coming along fine. Well, I'm glad to hear it. Now, doc, would you mind examining me? I got to go down to NBC and do a broadcast today. Why? Is Orson Wells sick? No, look, I'm getting better. Now, now, please examine me. All right, I'll take a look at your chest first. Now, roll up your night shirt. Okay, here it goes. How do I look, doc? My, my, you're kind of caved in there. Yeah. Get a load of his chest. That's the only skin hammock I ever saw. Oh, don't be so funny. Hey, doc, hey, watch your cigarette, doc. That's my mouth, not an ashtray. Pardon me. Now, let's see. I think I'll tap your chest. Well, go ahead, tap me. Now, hold still. There seems to be a piece of metal in there. That's a bullet I got years ago when I was hunting moose and sasscatch a while. It's a bullet you got from a Spanish dancer in El Paso. Ah, Rosita, she finally ran away with a bullfighter. I wonder where she is now. I wonder where the bullfighter is. I could use some meat. Ah, Rosita, well, can I do my show today, doctor? Yes, you'll be fine. I must run along now. W. C. Field St. Bernard is out of Brandy. Goodbye! Hey, Jackson, I wonder if that doctor's any good. Oh, he must be. He delivered Whirl-A-Way. Hey, I hope, I hope Don and Dennis get here pretty soon. Then we can have our rehearsal and get started for the studio. Hey, Jackson, what's the idea of rehearsing here in your bedroom anyway? Well, I'm saving all my strength for my public. After all, I've been pretty... well, I'll be darned. Oh, Rochester! Why are you pouring my cough medicine in those cocktail glasses? I thought it might liven up the party. Now, you put that medicine back in the bottle. Never cough at the party. Dennis should be here by now. It's almost one o'clock. One o'clock already? How about some lunch, Jackson? Okay. But remember, Phil, we have rationing now, so I can't dish out food like I used to. Like you used to? Yes. You got so many meals out of a leg of lamb one time, it got mad and kicked you. Well, that settles it. There'll be no lunch served. Rochester, the lobster salad, hot rolls and apple pie a la mode are out. There's a dream meal that can go back to the clouds. Whatever we have, don't serve it. Hey, Jackson, I was just wondering, if you still got that crazy border of yours... If you're referring to Mr. Billingsley, Phil, he's not crazy. He's not crazy. You know how he made orange juice this morning? He ran the orange just through the ringer. Through the ringer. Then he hung them out to try. He just likes to try out new things, that's all. As a matter of fact, he... Uh-uh, speak of the devil. Here he is. Yeah. Oh, hello, Mr. Billingsley. Hello, Mr. Benny. Phil, flat on your mattress, I see. Yes, yes, we were just talking about you, Mr. Billingsley. Your ears must be burning. Well, I'll have to call the fire department. I've got a new hat on. Oh, you haven't changed a bit. By the way, Mr. Billingsley, we're going to rehearse our radio program in a few minutes. Would you like to stay and hear it? Oh, I'd love to. I'll just hide under the bed here in case your husband comes home. Here I go. Whoop, up my head. Well, goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye, you dog. Good old Billingsley. That must be Don and Dennis. Come in. Oh, hello, Jack. Sorry we're a little late. How do you feel, Mr. Benny? Oh, hello, fellas. I feel pretty good, Dennis, and I'm anxious to get back on the program. You know, I have a hunch we're going to have a pretty good show today. Without Orson Welles? Yes. Gosh, the Orson Welles program without Orson Welles. I worry about things like that. It's the Jack Benny program. Get it straight, you little traitor. What's the matter with this gang? Oh, Jack, don't be so touchy. You always imagine that people are running you down. I imagine? Yes, you jump at conclusions. If somebody happens to say you're a heel, you always take it the wrong way. Well, how else can I take it? A heel is a heel. You said it. There you are. I imagine things, eh? Well, let's get started with the rehearsal. Rochester, pass the scripts around. Yes, sir. Everybody gets a script and a glass of cough medicine. There'll be no cough medicine. I read this script, boys. The little nectar won't hurt it. Rochester, whenever I need you in the capacity of a dramatic critic, I'll let you know. Now, let's get started, fellas. Now, Don introduces me in the show, and then I come on, and I say... Who can that be? Come in. Hey, it's Miss Harrington, Mr. Welles secretary. Hello, Miss Harrington. Hello, Dennis. Good afternoon, everybody. Hello, slugger. Hmm. My, what an odd bedsheet. It has blue eyes. This is me. This is me. I'm pale. You certainly are. I have news for you, Mr. Benny. Mr. Welles is about to pay you a visit. Orson? Orson's coming here to visit me? Yes. He'll be here shortly. Rochester, I want this room tidied up at once. Yes, Miss Harrington. I want a chair placed beside the bed. Yes, Miss Harrington. And put an X on Mr. Benny's forehead so Mr. Welles can spot him immediately. Oh, look, I'm not that pale. I'm Miss Harrington. Would you mind sitting over there on the corner? We were just starting to rehearse our program. Rehearse without the master? Mr. Welles won't like it. Nuts to Mr. Welles. I know just how you feel, Daddy. Well, I'll be darned. She's human. Tension, everybody. Mr. Welles is about to make his entrance. Mr. Welles, Mr. Welles. Come in. Gee, you'd think he was Frank Remley or something the way they're jumping around here. I haven't say. Well, Merritt. Well, Merritt, it's nice to see you. How's Jack feeling today? I feel well enough to do my broadcast, brother. Wasn't that Jack's voice? Jack, where are you? Right here, they forgot to mark me. Look, can't you see my big blue eyes? Oh, yes, they're gorgeous. Thank you. You're so pale, Jack. Well, you see, Orson's been so cloudy lately, I haven't been able to get any sun. I sit out in my backyard every day, but nothing happens. I'll fix that. Miss Harrington, take a note. Yes, Mr. Welles. Get in touch with the Weather Bureau. The sun must shine tomorrow. Yes, Mr. Welles. See what I mean, Daddy? Hey, maybe he can do it. Oh, by the way, Jack, I noticed a lot of orange fields hanging on your clothesline. Is that to ward off evil spirits? No, Mr. Welles, see, my border was making some juice. Now, if he'll excuse us for a few minutes, Orson, we'll go ahead with our rehearsal. Oh, I certainly don't mind if I stay and watch, do you? No, no, no, not at all. Now, as I was saying, fellas, Don introduces me. Then I command... Pardon me, there doesn't seem to be a chair here. What? No chair? Mr. Welles doesn't have a chair. Oh, my goodness, here, Orson, take mine. No, Orson, take my chair. Take mine, it's got a pretty cushion on it. Take my chair, Orson, it's peachy. I'll go out and hang on the clothesline. For heaven's sake. Now, let's get going with the rehearsal with Mr. Welles' standing, sitting, or floating around the room. Now, the first thing to do is, Orson, come down here. He knows more magic. Now, the first thing to do is run over the dialogue. Run over the dialogue? No, that'll never do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Comedy jack should never be rehearsed. Repetition destroys its sparkle and spontaneity. But Orson... The important elements of a variety program are the songs and music. Now, Dennis, I want you to run over your songs so we can get an idea of its length. Now, wait a minute, Orson, this rehearsal is my business. You're not even going to be on the show. I know, but I shall be listening. It's about time we listeners had something to say. Sing, Dennis. Yeah, sing. I see what you mean, sister. Well, do you think it'll do for the program? Well, Dennis, I think Mr. Bennish should answer that question after all he's running a show this week. Darn right I am. Your song was swell, Dennis, but it's a little long. I want you to cut half a minute out of it. Cut half a minute? Cut of that beautiful ballad would ruin it. Might have said. Tell you what, Dennis, I want you to add a half a minute to it. Add? You want him to add half a minute and destroy its musical climax? You never thought of that. I mean, leave it alone, Dennis. Leave it alone. You want him to leave it alone and sing? Now, wait a minute, Oris. Orson? Oris? It took him 10 years to build up the name Orson Wells. I made it Oris in one second. Look at Orson. What the heck do you want? I wish I knew. So do I. Look, Orson, it's getting late. You mind? Oh, you know. Look, Orson, I'm sorry I killed your gag there. Or I'm glad. I don't know which. Orson's getting late. Do you mind if we get on with the rehearsal? Of course not. I'll just glance through this manuscript here on the table. Is it a screenplay? No, that's my autobiography, Orson. I've been working on the story of my life since I've been sick. An intriguing title, Jack Benny from Rags to Radio. Yes, I was going to call it the loves of Jack Benny, but I haven't done so well. My. This is a thrilling opening. I, Jack Benny, was born on a farm near Waukegan, Illinois many years ago. It is thrilling, isn't it? A great day of great rejoicing on the farm. Chickens were cackling, cows were mooing, hogs were grunting, and father was cock-eyed. What a celebration. Young Jack Benny from his very earliest days. Pardon me for interrupting, Orson, but we've got to get finished with our rehearsal. No, no, no, this is interesting. Go ahead, Orson. But Jack, now, I've got to rehearse the sponsor's message yet. You've got to yet? Oh, yes, the sponsor's message was done. Done. As long as I haven't been on the show for five weeks, I thought we'd concentrate on me. Now, just a minute, Jack. You can't seriously believe that we listeners tune in to the Grape Nuts Flakes program every week just to hear about you. But Orson. Of course not. We want to know how those toastie browns, sweet as an up little plate, they're getting along. But Oswald. We want to know. We, we want to know if they still. Now, you know I can't louse up the sponsor's message. No, no, no. I've got to, now, break them. I've got that multi-rich flavor. And if they still. Well, the sponsors? Yes. There's still America's fastest growing flake cereal. But Orson, look it. I think that people want to know. Darn that night shirt. But Orson, after Don delivers his message, can't I talk about myself? Can't I tell people my cold is better? Jack, I wouldn't take any bows on that cold but you're strong enough to have a beautiful nurse. Oh, well, I'll, I'll tell them anyway. Well, well, and how's my little patient? Shall we take that nasty cast off your leg today? Jack, I'm not a cocker spaniel. Look, but as long as you're here, you can give me an aspirin. All this excitement has given me a little headache. An aspirin? Here you are. Thank you. That'll be five cents, please. Look, put it on my bill. Now, if I can just swallow the thing. Would you like to grease the track with a little cork medicine, Miss Bennet? I don't need any chaser. See, it's down. Say, that was a pretty, pretty big pill. It didn't look like an aspirin to me. Me neither. You neither. You're the doctor. Well, you don't have to get so huffy about it. I just happened to give you a sleeping pill by mistake. What? You're lucky it might have been a dog biscuit. A sleeping pill? He, he gave me a sleeping pill. Gosh, I can't go to sleep. I got a, I got a show to do today. Remember, Don, you introduce me, and I'll come on and say, I'll say. Well, Orson, looks like you'll have to do the show today. Be glad to, Mary. Now, come on, everybody. Let him sleep. Those bills are wonderful. I'm headed for Central Avenue. I came back for the cork medicine, folks. A traditional service. And one of your big jobs is keeping the family well fed in spite of wartime food restrictions. Well, your job will be a lot easier if you serve more un-rationed whole grain cereals more often. Cereals such as delicious toasty brown grape nuts flakes. For our government's nutrition program urges that everybody gets the important nourishment of the whole grain cereals every day. And in each luscious bowl full of malty-rich grape nuts flakes and milk, you do get that important whole grain nourishment that includes many of the same essentials found in foods that are scarce. And friends, to enjoy the swell-tasting goodness and the whole grain nourishment of grape nuts flakes, you don't have to give up a single precious ration stamp to last for plentiful, nutritious grape nuts flakes in the big 50, 12-ounce package tomorrow. Thanks, Orson. Good night, folks. No ration stamps needed for hot grape...