 Today May 40 here Just thinking this morning in a in my weekly conversation with with a mentor of mine but a big difference that I noticed between successful people and unsuccessful people is that Notice successful people when they have good reason to do so a much more trusting and unsuccessful people tend to walk around with a chip on their shoulder and a very distrusting Attitude so one of the key steps perhaps the most important step in the 12 step work is to take on a sponsor and Taking on a sponsor tends to be really hard for addicts because addicts tend not to Trust anyone and that's tends to be a characteristic of addicts that they don't trust anyone And the whole reason that they have addictions is to fill that hole in their soul that normally comes from human relationships and so without the energy and Suspense that you get from having relationships Something has to fill that so we're wired to attach And so if you don't attach to people you're gonna attach to substances or processes that become addictive because they feel that They're yearning for all this in your soul, but I just thinking about any of the most successful people I've known How how open and trusting they've been with me and and I think partly that's a reflection of me but I Have much that is good in me much that is trustworthy and maintains the confidence in me, but Why why do so many people? distrust when there's not good reason to be skeptical and distrusting and I think we project out onto the world and onto other people what we experience so When I've been in bouts of self-loathing I felt you know, I'm not worthy of being trusted I don't even trust myself and therefore I project that on to other people that they're also Not worthy of being trusted while when I'm at ease with myself, and I'm happy and I'm comfortable And there is good reason to trust then trust Comes a little easier for me but Just notice that with people who earn a million dollars a year I've often been blown away how open and trusting they are I've interviewed thousands of people in my life and some of them are highly successful and You know, they welcome me in they set me down and they got me a drink and they they told me their life story and they were just incredibly open I think there's a component of IQ in this that that higher IQ people are more likely to seek out win-win solutions and that when you're less intelligent than average You then have you have some reason to be skeptical of everybody Because you kind of sense that they're smarter than you are and so you're gonna try to protect yourself But notice in general higher intelligent people seek more win-win solutions. They see more benefits in cooperation Now if you screw over someone who's smart and you screw over someone who's capable They may very well take their time Getting getting back at you and they may wreak an exacting Revenge that the less disciplined less intelligent people could not cannot pull off So I'm not saying by any means that successful people trust blindly Or that they start trusting against all evidence No, you screw over someone and a healthy person once you screw him over will cut you out of his life Well, or certainly cut you out of a certain area of his life so they can't screw him over again and It's pathological to keep leaving yourself wide open to be being taken advantage of so I'm talking here about using trust When it is well placed When you have good reason To to extend trust such as say you might belong to a similar club Where if you screw someone over in the club, there'll be enormous repercussions Right because the club may be central to your social life So maybe in your church or maybe in your synagogue or maybe in your Yoga group, right? There are all these incentives where people are not gonna want to screw over someone But I just thinking about the incredible openness And trust that is that has been demonstrated towards me by highly successful people and then the contrast of that with Many of the addicts I know who don't want to get a sponsor because they don't trust anyone because All relationships I've had and just ended up hurting me is often being the attitude or I've just been screwed over so many times But I think you see you see people's thinking Demonstrated in their behavior and their choices and when you see someone who's open and trusting when there's good reason to do So you're seeing someone who's basically at ease with themself someone who trusts himself who knows that he's you know, a forthright upright person and He senses that you have the same qualities and therefore he meets you at that place As opposed to people who just kind of go through life in some kind of a defensive crouch that the world's out to screw me over Right the attitude that the world is out to screw me over The attitude the world is the enemy to be debunked generally does not lead to success and prosperity but the attitude that That there is that there is abundance out there that there is friendship out there I mean friendship takes all the difference in life between between a life that is endured and a life that's enjoyed, right The difference is friendship between those two states and friendship requires trust You're not going to establish much friendship much much depth of Connection without without trust now you need to you need to use very good judgment and There are some things that you shouldn't Disclose to people unless it's privileged. All right, so let's say you you made a mistake and You know had sex with with an underage girl, then then that's something You probably should not disclose unless it is Privilege meaning to a therapist or to an attorney so there are some things definitely you shouldn't you shouldn't just lay out but in general If you if you have good reason to something to trust someone Then that's that's the basis of a good relationship So I don't know what happened to my audio colon says it sounds tinny But I had a good time going on Joseph Cotter show last night. I always enjoyed going on Joseph Cotter show he He creates a framework that seems to I think break out my best and bring out the best of his guests I guess I like I think I like the Lengthy way he poses questions because I can light up my answer so when I'm interviewing people I tend to ask very pithy questions, but I like the the lengthy way That Joseph Cotto Poses these questions because it enables me to line up my answer and to refine my answer. So Joseph will typically pose a question like three different ways So that by the time he throws it to me, I'm prepared and I thought things through Yeah, and Ironwood says for me it is levels of trust may trust someone 75% 50% 25% Well and also there will be areas of life so someone for example with with kids and a spouse and Many obligations if you trust them to make plans with them You have to understand that there's a high likelihood that they'll have to cancel Because they have so many other obligations that that may interfere with with your plans and then some people you can trust with money and other people you can you can trust with your wife and Other people you can trust with with certain types of secrets and then other people All right, you can you can trust to help you out when you need to move Bye-bye