 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan of Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five signs he thinks about you and he wants something serious. All right, really quickly before we get started today, hit the, if you're brand new to my channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, this content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, we're gonna talk about those five signs a man is thinking about you and he wants something serious. You know, it's interesting. I've been thinking about something a lot today and I'm wondering if you're experiencing this, if you're a woman experiencing this and that is men who tend to come on strong, they seem to promise the world very early on in the dating process. And a lot of this is done on the telephone to begin the process and then when you physically meet one another and there's just this intense connection between the two of you. And a man might, like I said, promise the world, make so many promises of seeing you in your future, telling you that you're unlike anyone else in their life. And after a little while, you might begin to believe this. And if this happens enough time, well, let me come back to this particular situation. And then all of a sudden, you two are physically intimate with one another. And then when you could have spent a weekend together because it's a long distance dynamic or it could have been something even close by. And then you notice that he starts to pull back, he starts to pull away. And I'm noticing this a lot from the women who are reaching out to me for advice for my private coaching and whatnot. And they've been told that the advice that women have been told by other women is to do the no contact rule, by not contacting him when he pulls away to create some tension so he misses you. Now, I understand why that might be the case, this idea of no contact, but I want you to think about something. He's just done no contact to you. How does that feel? How does that feel when someone that you thought you could potentially share a life with someone? You thought that you were actually getting to know one another. You really thought this was building something together. And then all of a sudden their contact begins to diminish. And what you're being told is to do the exact same thing. And I can understand why you're being told to do that. Now, part of the problem with that narrative of being told to do that is that this idea that he's going to all of a sudden magically miss you. He's like, he's just gonna magically miss you. And what you have to recognize is that the reason why this happened and why this doesn't actually work in the long run, I'm gonna share with you in a second. The reason why he came on strong and I know you've been told over and over again, this is love bombing and it's part of a narcissistic plan to hook you, okay? And yet the average guy can do the exact same thing because what's happening to men is that when we feel extreme infatuation for someone, that's actually known as limerence, limerence. In other words, it's extreme infatuation. And this happens when the chemical cocktail of chemistry, physical attraction mixes together and a lot of chemicals get released from the brain into the body that says, get this girl, excuse me, get this woman, get this woman, get this woman. I mean, literally that's what's happening. And then the minute there's any sexual tension involved, that actually turns the limerence to lust, which means that we have to physically conquer you. This is why I know when you've heard this narrative over and over that men are the hunters and they're supposed to chase you. Do you think men are actually thinking like this? I'm chasing a relationship. I'm hunting a relationship. Do you think men actually think along those lines? No, it's because what's being hunted or chased in that moment is that physical conquest. And what happens is when that physical conquest happens, all of a sudden the chemicals literally get flushed out of our body like we just took a shit in the bathroom. Bum, bum, bum. I know that sounded graphic. I know that sounded gross. And yet that's literally what happens is literally there's an excavation. Is it, I'm trying to think of the word when you flush something, someone tell me what that is. But literally all those chemicals are released and what's left is the deer in the headlight because all of a sudden he's going, oh my God, I made subconsciously. This is happening on the inside. Oh my God, I made all these promises to this woman. Now I have to retreat. So the pendulum went all the way this way. And what he's doing is he's got to bring the pendulum over here just so he can get back to center. And you're being told to do the exact same thing. And by the way, you're also being told just go live your fabulous life because if you're living your fabulous life, he's gonna wanna claim you again. Do you know why this narrative doesn't work in the long run? And that's why the book, The Rules, is a piece of crap that suggests to women to use game playing techniques like playing hard to get. All that does is get the emotionally unhealthy person to come back. And what causes a man to vomit all of this in the beginning is an emotionally unhealthy person is chasing what he's not even sure what he's chasing. He's just feeling that chemical reaction because he doesn't actually have a real sense of how his emotions operate. So this whole no contact rule isn't going to work. And I wanna invite you to look at this from a different perspective because this is what's gonna make a relationship work in the long run. That's what I'm about to share. And that is actually when there's two people that are at least marginally attractive to one another. And I say marginally, in other words, it's more than 50%, but it's not like through the roof attractive to one another. Okay, I said marginally, fairly attracted to one another. This is the time to build the friendship along with the physical connection. And what I mean by physical connection is holding hands and kissing one another and being affectionate with one another, it's touching one another, but not going down the sexual path because what's going to make him really hooked into you so you never have to worry about using this no contact rule because it doesn't work anyway is to actually build the friendship with each other to build the friendship with each other. And how's that gonna happen? It's gonna happen through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. And then when you've gotten to know each other pretty well, then you go on a trip together to see how you might handle some of the conflicts that can happen in a trip. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and I can't do that. Yeah, it's really hard to build that friendship over the phone because all it is is a chemical reaction happening over the phone and not an actual bonding action. So for a relationship to actually build some deep roots of trust. First off, right off the bat, you're gonna need about a hundred hours of face to face time together just to build that first layer of trust. And I don't mean a 24 hours, three days in a row, 24 hours, that doesn't count. I'm talking about in bits and pieces that the max 10 hours in any given day but probably somewhere between two and six and do this over a period of time. Even Steve Harvey who wrote the book, act like a lady, thinks like a man, suggests to women waiting 90 days to be physically intimate with one another. I'm saying put in at least eight hour or excuse me, a hundred hours of face to face time or what you can do is read the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman before that penis ever gets to go inside that vagina because that's going to determine if the guy is really genuinely serious about something or he's in it for the short run. Because ultimately, if you wanna build that kind of relationship where you don't have to worry about no contact or anything, then you're gonna have to build it from the roots and folks, men aren't thinking about this, they're not. Men of the gas, you are the brakes, you are the emotional container of the relationship. And by setting your standards right from the get go and I have to tell you, I have so many women now using this. They're using this book before they have sex and it's working wonders. I'm getting email after email after email. Not to mention all the clients I've been calling me lately. I mean, I've had one marriage, two engagements and four, five now, just in the last three weeks of clients who've told me they're in a fully committed relationship. By the way, there's a link below that's a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So if you wanna change the narrative, then recognize that building trust through friendship and trust means I care about your feelings as, excuse me, he cares about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings and he has your back. That's what's going to take the relationship to the next level when you build that level of trust. And if you haven't built trust before sex, you have a good chance of having it implode. Because ultimately, what's gonna make a man think about you a lot and want a serious relationship is first establishing that commitment of friendship, that building of friendship together. Friendship is that space where you feel like you can talk to this person. So I'm gonna share those five things that gives you some insight as to whether a man is thinking about you and wants something serious. Because I know you've all been waiting for that, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and I've got my notes. And really quickly, number one, and this happens very early on in the stage. He's vulnerable. He's authentic and most important, he's transparent. Vulnerable means he's capable of expressing fear to you or insecurities or doubts. I know maybe not on the first, second, or third date, but even someone who has a little bit of fear is actually vulnerability according to Brene Brown is the most courageous thing a person can do, man or woman alike, because that's your truth if you're feeling a little bit vulnerable at any point in the relationship. Being authentic means that your actions consistently match your words. You're in a state of integrity. You're operating from the place, oh, I didn't pull up the five, the four agreements. If you're not familiar with the book four agreements, check out the link below to all the Jonathan recommend books, the four agreements. Because that's not what an authentic person does. And lastly, transparency. And transparency simply means if it's material to the relationship, you're gonna speak up about what's coming up, if it's material to the relationship. That demonstrate that he's thinking about you actually and he wants something serious. Number two, he sees the real you and he still is there. You know, I look at dating profile pictures. I gotta tell you, I look at so many and they are so doctored up with all the filters and all the crap and all the eyelashes that look gigantic, which I have to tell you is quite frankly a turnoff. All the Snapchat filters and everything is quite frankly a turnoff to me. Not to suggest that you shouldn't be wearing makeup or anything like that. I'm not even suggesting that. I'm just saying when it's over doctored up, you're actually could be setting yourself up for failure on a first date. But beyond that, he sees the real you. That you that doesn't wear makeup and he still finds you beautiful. The you that goes to the bathroom, maybe in front of him and he still doesn't care. The part of you that's vulnerable, authentic and transparent and he still wants to spend time with you. That's a sign he's thinking about you a lot and he wants a serious relationship with you when you could be vulnerable, when you can speak your truth from a kind place. And by the way, my book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? Chapter one, Speak Your Truth, Do It From a Kind Place. Ladies, I see so many of you so reluctant to speak your truth to a man. But that's being real. One of the things when I work with clients over and over and over and over again is just that capacity to speak up because it is your realness that we're gonna eventually fall in love with. Did you guys ever see the movie when Harry Met Sally? Sally was a bit neurotic. I mean, Harry was a misogynist so that's another conversation. But she was quite neurotic, that was the real her. He didn't run away because we appreciate the realness of you. It's the fakeness that's going on today. It's the game playing, these no contact rule kind of bullshit games that's causing a lot of dysfunctionality in the dating process. And number three, he apologizes when he needs to. He knows how to fight fair and fighting fair simply means, fighting fair means he's gonna, when there's conflict, when there's tension between the two of you, he listens to your point of view and he accepts your point of view as being true for you. Ladies, I know you've been told about gas lighting where when someone gets defense, they get defensive because you criticized or judge them and they turn it around and make it about you. That's not the way an emotional grownup operates in a relationship. That's the way an emotionally unhealthy person operates in relationship. And sadly, I'm gonna say something too and I think it's really important to recognize this. The vast majority of humans are emotionally, have weak emotional skills, weak relationship skills and weak emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my chart, emotional maturity relationship skills, roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. By the way, this is not a fact, it's an opinion. And while I stayed over here, 20% are relatively healthy. I'm being rather generous there. Most everybody is dysfunctional. And you wonder why, and by the way, this is women too. And you wonder why it's a cluster fuck out there. And yet, I mean, I personally know some great men who are in awesome relationships with women. I have clients now falling in love in a way that they never have before because they're stopped playing the games and started to be real with each other. Both of them. By doing this work, you set yourself up for success, not failure. That's why I recommend book after book after book. But a book I'm recommending a lot these days is, I hear you, the surprisingly simple skill behind extraordinary relationships. I highly recommend reading these books because folks, it's time to change the narrative. The old way of dating doesn't work. It never did to begin with because most relationships up until the last 50 years have been ridiculously dysfunctional when you consider we have a 50% divorce rate for first marriages, 65 for second marriages and 75 for third marriages. And people that are still married, half of them are miserable. You wanna change the narrative and then start from the inside out. That's why coming back to my book, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you can actually come at this from an empowered place. You don't have to be in your feminine energy and just leaning back. You can be in your empowered energy because that's what's attractive to an empowered male. Number four, he's willing to compromise. I see so many of you with men who are, it's all about their way of doing things and you're the one compromising. Compromising means trade-off and he's willing to compromise as much as you're gonna compromise because there isn't this perfect dynamic going on all the time. But whether it's your lifestyles or schedules, there's a fairness between the two of you. It's not one-sided. When it's one-sided, it's a misaligned relationship. It's a misaligned relationship. And number five, and this is my favorite one. After sex, he's still committed to you. After sex, he's still committed to you. He wants to even spend more time with you. As I started this broadcast, I talked about these guys that come on strong and then disappear. When a guy is serious, he wants to move deeper into the relationship and that tells you, all of these tells you he's thinking about you a lot because what's most important as I said in the beginning is that that friendship has been built and it takes a good two or three months of doing shit together for that to happen. This is why I'm a big proponent of don't jumping into bed until you've actually done a lot of activities together. And if you don't know what to do, grab a deck of cards and play gin rummy together one night or get a backgammon game. Backgammon's fun. My mom and dad, there's a picture of mom and dad. They used to play every single night after we had dinner and the kids kind of went off to do their own things. They played backgammon for hours. And by the way, it played for a dollar a game and you thought it was World War three. Sadly, we could be having that right now, but my mom and dad, that was their play time. It's play, it's fun, it's laughter. Going to a comedy show or just walking somewhere and just seeing what's going on in the world. That's what's going to build deeper roots of trust. Not all this, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Oh my God, you're amazing, you're amazing, you're amazing, you're amazing. That's not building anything. What's going to build things, what's going to build a relationship is when you can be that vulnerable, authentic, transparent self, you and him. And if you're building those deep roots of trust through friendship, you don't have to worry about playing any games. And you don't even have to second guess if he's serious about you. You will know because he's progressing the relationship forward, just like you're progressing the relationship forward. Is this sinking in, is this resonating with you? Please let me know, post a comment. All right, I think it's time to move on to our Q and A of our live stream. For those who know my format, there's a chat box there. If you write the word question or post the question there after, I'm going to answer as many questions as I can or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away. There he is right there, there he is right there. The scholarship fund is to help defray the cost of personal development for those who need it and also to donate to things like the Hoffman process and insight seminars.org. I highly recommend checking out the Hoffman process and insight seminars.org and that can be done online. All right, let's jump into work Q and A. Jan says, thank you, Jonathan, I appreciate it. By the way, if you're listening to the recording, you won't be able to see any of this. I did see a Super Sticker a little while ago from Allison. And by the way, Allison, thank you so much for that $5 earlier, five pounds. Okay, question. She says, after doing a lot of personal self-development, spiritual and emotional resilience work, coming back from the brink of suicide, I'm in great shape. Do you agree a man has to deserve me? So I'm not a fan of the word deserve and because it feels one-sided because if he deserves you, do you deserve him? So then do we deserve each other? Might be a better way of looking at it. That's just kind of off the cuff, how I feel about that. What I most would invite you to look at is not about deserving one another, does he deserve me? But I'd rather you look at it this way. Are we aligned with each other? Do we share the same values? Are our lifestyles blendable? And more importantly, do we have the emotional maturity? Do we have the relationship skills to build something together? This is why when I say it every single time before the penis goes inside the vagina, read this book, eight dates, it's the blueprint to having the conversations to determine if you're actually a fit with one another. And did I bring the other book? Oh, there's a book, I don't have it right now. There's a book by the guy who started eHarmony called Two Dates, D-A-T-E-S. And it talks about the 25 areas of compatibility. By the way, I know many of you may not like eHarmony, that's not the point. I'm talking about the book is brilliant, talking about real compatibility. His belief was if you took compatibility and ignited it with chemistry, you're gonna have a relationship success. And he claims to have roughly a 3% divorce rate for people that got paired up through his site. I'm not saying that's accurate. What I do believe alignment is a lot more important than thinking about deserving. Deserving to me feels like I'm better than someone. I don't operate from deserve, I operate from do we mutually want to be with each other? Now, I set my standard, I'm just sharing my personal now, I set my standard very high. That's because a lot of women can't communicate at the level I'm at. I require a sapio-sexual that actually has the skills to communicate their thoughts, feelings and emotions in a way that's seen, heard and understood. And sadly, a lot of you women who you think you're the unicorn, but you oftentimes vomit your feelings from a victim consciousness. I see it in the chat boxes all the time. Every single time you write one complaint about a man, it is literally victim consciousness. It's victim consciousness. I don't complain about human beings. What I do is draw attention, attention to the dysfunctionality. So there's a big difference. And there's a difference between complaining and venting. Complaining is usually in a blame mode. Venting is getting something out. It's one of the reasons why I scream so much. I'm trying to get it all out. And then I'm venting is also about seeking solutions. And I know it went up on attention here coming back to deserving. So ultimately, I want you to sit in your power and say, I seek a man that meets me where I'm at, that where we meet each other where we're at in that place of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So we can communicate at a level that we can be both seen, heard and understood, where we can play and laugh together, where our lifestyles are compatible, where we can learn how to handle conflicts and differences in these. And most important, not most importantly, but as importantly is that we like to, we like, we are incredibly attracted to each other. We wanna fuck each other on a regular basis. That's my invitation, make that prayer for you instead of looking at it as a deserving. Does that help Allison? I hope it does. I'm just off the cuff on that one. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And by the way, I will say this, I wasn't on the brink of suicide. I lived in a space where I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up. I went to, I was at a space in my life where I wished I didn't wake up. And so I've been there. And I know to dig yourself out of the pit of despair takes a lot of work. And so bravo to you for doing that work and to anyone else that is doing that heroic work of doing inner work and doing it on a daily basis. Most humans spend more time brushing their teeth, combing their hair and trying to pick out their shoes. And spend little or no time on their heart health. And I don't mean the blood pressure, I mean the emotional heart. And so reading these books, watching videos, listening to podcasts, going to workshops and trainings, seeing a therapist, all of that is designed to heal the emotional heart. And when you come out of it, you're much stronger. It's like a vaccination to emotional chaos. And that is my invitation for everyone. So once again, Allison, thank you so much. I appreciate the super sticker and the question as well. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go, oh, excavation. I said earlier, excavation, expulsion, excretion. Thank you all so much. All right, I appreciate that. Let's go down to the bottom here. Oh my God, we got so much. Let's go swimming. Heather, hey, sweetheart. By the way, Heather recommended that I watch the show Nine Perfect Strangers on Hulu. Oh my fucking God. It is worth, I binged it. I mean, she told me about it yesterday. I purchased Hulu at four o'clock and I stayed up till one in the morning. I was hooked. I'm not gonna give away any of the secrets because it's my jam, or like what was in it was my jam. But I will tell you, Nine Perfect Strangers, folks, I've done the Hoffman process, which is very similar to what happens in the storyline. I've done many spiritual retreats, which is partially what's in the storyline. I've done insight seminars. All of these workshops and trainings, I was like, it was like releasing the 800 pound gorilla that's been in my life. I'll read the question in a moment. It's like releasing the 800 pound gorilla in my life. From losing all my money in the marketplace in 2008, going through a divorce, getting hooked on drugs and alcohol, going to bed wishing I didn't wake up, coming back to the previous comment. I was in the pit of despair. And it wasn't until I read the book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and then it was the movie, The Secret. And of course, I purchased Tony Robbins CDs along the way and I began watching Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks and Marianne Williamson, love her work. Here's her book, Return to Love, Marianne Williamson. This is the CD. And doing all this was like, it was like crawling out of the pit of emotional despair. And I'm gonna tell you something. This journey has been at least 10 years in the making. I'm not here today. And I would say the last four years, I've been on a dramatic experience after losing my mother. There's a picture of mom and dad and my son Connor. And then my father moving back to Europe and my business tanking. And I was back in that pit of despair, but in a different place because for the 10 years prior, I did so much work so I could handle the loss of a child. It's interesting. I don't wanna give away the storyline, but there's something similar to in that story that resonates with me. And I share this with you because everybody's hurting in some way, shape, or form. You don't have to lose a child to be hurting, although as a parent, there is no other tragedy that can happen in your life. But I'm here to say we're all hurting in some way. And it's going to take time to dig our way out to a place of having the ground underneath us stable and what's sadly, I see this from women is you operate from a place of, from the dating premises. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And this is why you're so susceptible to the limerence and lust that I talked about earlier, which is now coined as love bombing. And again, I'm guilty of doing it dozens of times. I was unconscious to the chemical cocktail that happens when you feel limerence, when you feel physical attraction and when you want to get your nut off, I'm sorry. It's part of the male process. And yet these days I'm not looking for a heart on, I'm looking for a heart on. I want my heart to be, you know, raised as much as my penis raised. And I share all this with you is this isn't going to happen for most of you unless you begin to work yourself so you aren't susceptible to the dysfunctional people out there. Now it's going to be harder. It's going to be the needle in the haystack, but I promise you it's worth it. It is so worth it because there's a person that's been in the pit several times and this last time was a tough one losing my son, but at the same time, I know he would want me to be victorious. I know he would want me to thrive in my life. So in his honor, I do this work for all of you because I'm passionate about making a difference. And I spend most hours talking, talking, talking, talking just to bring some joy in people's lives. And I'm so grateful for the messages you all send me. So thank you so much. I went off on a tangent there. Let me answer Heather's question. Question, how do I avoid becoming his therapist? I love psychology, study behavior analysis and I enjoy those discussions, but men open up very soon about everything and we fall into the trap. This is a great question because I'm guilty of kind of being the therapist. Here's the thing. It requires putting a mirror up, a mirror, a mirror up. Can you see me there? You can see me looking in the mirror and say, what is about me that is attracted to helping others at my own expense? What do I get out of this? What do I get out of helping others at my own expense? Now there's nothing wrong with helping others. That's okay, Jonathan, but not at the compromise of self. A successful relationship. Jonathan, a successful relationship is a two lane street where you're both giving to each other and you're both receiving each other. It's not a woman sitting in her feminine energy waiting for you to all do the work and it's not you being the chaser as a woman doing all the work. It's about a mutual volley of give and take to each other. And if someone needs a therapist, then they should go hire a therapist and that's my invitation to you, Jonathan and that's my invitation to you, Heather. If he needs a therapist, have him go find one. Your job in the beginning stage of the relationship is to get to know each other at a deeper level and not to be a support person because then it's on you. It's on you if you do that. And ladies, you oftentimes blame the men. That's your fault. You got to take ownership on that. So that's just my rough thoughts on that. Did that help, Heather? I hope so. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Barbara says, I wanna thank you for your wisdom and understanding. I appreciate it. I'm assuming that's for me. Lee Hong says, deserve is a dominant word. I feel the same way. I do feel the same way. All right. Marlene says, thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Lynn says, I love you. Oh, thank you. Allison, thank you so much. I'm glad you asked that question. All right, let's see what we have here. Oh my gosh, I'm loving this. Jonathan, coach, amazing big brother. Awesome advice is the books, the videos. Thank you so much. All right. Let's go. Oh, here we go. N-V-S question. Will the book, Eight Dates, still be a beneficial after the penis has gone inside the vagina? Yes, because let me tell you why. If you're not a fit, better to find out sooner rather than later. And I don't mean that the penis fit inside the vagina. I'm talking about you two being aligned in who you are and what you want. It's a good start. And then check out the book, Two Dates by Neil Clark Warren. Two Dates by Neil Clark Warren. Highly recommend that. What else? Oh, remember, everybody is a stranger. So purchase the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. What you should know about the people you don't know. So N-V-S, yes, it's absolutely okay at any time, preferably before the penis goes inside the vagina. I've read it several times so a woman doesn't have to worry about that with me. Watch me pull, it says, Eight Dates is great and relaxing into my feminine energy is not disempowered at all, quite the opposite. I understand how you feel. It's just, it's my languaging. I believe in empowered energy rather than terming it in a male female terminology. That's all, that's all. I'm more for empowered energy. So thank you so much. All right, let's go, Sim and Kelly, sweetheart. How are you doing? Thank you for your authenticity. As always, the truth is liberating versus living in the dream world. Oh, folks, I have this, I just came up with a quote. I'm gonna come up with a meme on this, but I wanna read this to you all. I wanna read this. It was just a quote that popped in my head today. Where the fuck is it? Oh, darn it, darn it, darn it. Oh, man, okay, this is a Jonathan quote. Men express their fantasy before sex and women dream of a fantasy after sex. Let me repeat that. Men, what I mean by fantasy, it's all the love bombing. That's what the men are fantasizing about the future. So men express their fantasy of the future before sex and women dream of the fantasy of commitment after sex. And you wonder why it's a fucked up system because you two are misaligned. Anyways, I'm playing with that quote, so thank you for allowing me to share that. All right, watch me pull dances. The truth is the truth, whether it's Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson or any great spiritual teachers, that's how you know the teachings are real and it resonates so that you feel it. Yes, I agree. All right, let's keep going. Oh, here we go, Abel says, question. I went on two dates. I really like him, but tried to play it cool and not see him. He took it, he took it, me not making effort. We ended things, but I can't stop thinking about him. How do I get him back? Well, first off, you never had him to begin with. Two dates is not enough to have someone. By the way, sometimes you forget you're awesome and this is your reminder, everyone. So how about send him a text message? We'll call him Tim. Hey, Tim, there's something really personal I'd like to share with you. Is it okay if we jump on the phone for a few minutes? Can you pick a time that works for you? And just see how he responds to that. There's something personal I wanna share with you. Now he might create some fear, but just say it's nothing serious. Just say you could put in quotes, it's nothing serious. And you get on the phone, just say, you know what? I want you to know that I really enjoyed our time together and I probably acted a little bit aloof because I've been told by all those knucklehead dating coaches to play it cool. And I realized that was a turnoff for you. By the way, you don't have to say that piece. I'm just, I'm elaborating a little bit. You can simply say, I really enjoyed your company and I realized I was being a little bit aloof. And I'd like to make it up to you. Are you free for drinks on Thursday night? Are you free for dinner on Friday? I'd like to make it up to you if you're still interested in getting to know one another. And if you're not, that's absolutely okay too. You could even send that in a voice text. You could hit, you know, your text message, hit voice text and send it as a voice text. You know what? If he's the right guy, he'll pick it up. If he likes you, he'll pick it up and he'll say, yeah, I'd like to see you. If he doesn't, then you guys move on. I wouldn't hold a lot of space for someone. Don't, ladies, you have a habit of doing unrequited, unrequited love, which ain't healthy for you. It ain't healthy for you. So that's my suggestion. Will you try it and let me know how it works? I appreciate it, Abel. Abie, thanks so much. Ah, let's keep swimming. NBS says, thank you, Jonathan, you're wonderful. I appreciate it. Lee says, question. I know you're not a fan of long-distance relationship, but I met a man in NC and I'm in New York. We're reading eight dates on the television. Do we, we do hope if we do seek months, okay. I'm trying to figure out what your question is, but I'm assuming that you're saying, you guys have, you've met long distance. You live in North Carolina. He lives in New York. You're doing a video chat and you're reading the book eight dates. Here's the problem. That's a virtual relationship until you're doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together. That's how you build the deep roots of trust. It's hard to build trust over the phone. And so, or through even Zoom. Because at the end of the day, it's gonna be your, you know, if you wanna have a fully committed relationship that actually means something, you're gonna have to spend time doing shit together. So that's my invitation for you. It's very difficult to build a relationship long distance. Very difficult unless you have a plan. So right now, if you're not gonna see each other for six months, you're holding out a long time for someone that this may not even be real. Folks, I see so many of you wasting years on shit like this. And it's hard enough to build a relationship when you live around the corner from one another, let alone long distance. But you know what? What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. I'm here to say this. If it's real, then you find a way to see each other on a regular basis. And if it's not, or I mean, if it's, if you can't, then it's a role of the, you know what, then you know what you do. You pray, dear God, universe, spirit, no matter what happens in this dynamic, please give me to the strength that even if I have my heart ripped out, broken, and stomped on, I will still be emotionally safe to be healthy and happy in my life. I'm sorry I had to be that graphic, but that's my invitation for you. So thank you so much, Lee, I appreciate it. All right, Heather says manifest that fantasy instead, exactly. Oh, I love this from Susan. Wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment. I actually heard this a little bit different. Good judgment comes from a lot of bad judgment. But that's the way I heard it, so. No, Jonathan, you misunderstood. We have a plan to spend six months in each home once the books is finished. Okay, well, I misunderstood. Good luck then. Oh, Alexandra says great quote. Yes, empowerment, not fake, not male or female, just like all this advice. Thank you so much. Ah, let's see. Do we have any questions? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. All right, all right, you know, we're gonna save the last few minutes if you have any personal questions to ask of me, Jonathan. I'm gonna save these last few minutes if you have anything you'd like to ask of me personally about Jonathan Asley. I'm happy to share some personal trivial things with you. If you're interested, I'm happy to do that for the last few minutes. Anything you'd like to know about me personally, post a comment below. Purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. Let's give some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. I wanna donate some money soon to the Hoffman Process and Insights Seminar, so please purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All right, Heather, question, personal question. Are more books in the works? For me, actually before I wrote What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, I began writing a book called Compassionate Dating, Why Modern Romance Needs a Makeover. And I was about a third into the book, but it just was stuck. And when Connor passed away, it was like, so I wanna share a story. I did a post shortly after he passed away saying, I'm thinking about writing a book about self love. And I had a woman reach out to me and said, Jonathan, do you need help writing the book? I'm a ghost writer. I said, wow, thank you. So what I did was I recorded my book, I recorded 30 different chapters. Roughly about 15 minutes per chapter was my thoughts on each chapter. And she took my thoughts and put music to it. And that's how What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway was birthed. And by the way, there's a link below. And you know what? She did it for free. Can you believe that? She's, here's the thing. I wanna read you my, here, hold on one second, everybody. She's the first acknowledgement. I wanna thank Jennifer Matthews from the bottom of my heart who like an angel came down and held my hand and said, let's get this book written because it's so needed. It would not have been birthed without your talent, generosity and love. And she said, I wanna gift this, oh, makes me cry. She wanted to gift her work to me for Connor. This was literally several months after he passed away. I cannot begin to tell you the generosity of so many people. My audio book isn't my voice because I have dyslexia. So it's hard for me to read my own writing. And I had a dear friend literally offered to gift me to do the audio portion of my book. She has a British accent. She's a dear friend. I struggle, I just like Connor. Connor had major dyslexia. Even at age 18, he had a horrific time being able to read even a menu at a restaurant. He struggled mightily, just like I do. It's taken me a tremendous amount of work just to be able to communicate in a way that isn't a dysfunctional way with my written words. So that's why I struggle writing the second book. If I had the right ghostwriter and I could just pump out my thoughts maybe. But thankfully for Jennifer, she made this happen. And this has been my pride and joy. And I am so grateful for all of you that have purchased it. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. And thank you for asking that question, Heather. I really appreciate it. All right. Jennifer says, what are first date questions? That's what I teach in my private coaching program. Check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with your coach is right for you. But here's a great first date question. What not, what are you looking for? What you basically say, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a relationship? If the answer is yes. What are you looking for in a relationship? And what does commitment look like for you? You want to hear what it looks like for them. And this is what's gonna sound like. What, what, what, what, what, what? Because most men and women are fucking clueless as to what they want. So anyway, that's just my rough thoughts of those tasks, those questions. Thank you so much. Thank you for the don't chase video step back and he's walking forward. You're very welcome. Mary Ann says, question, doesn't it feel good that your son lives nearby now? He has changed yourself. You know what? Yes, Colin who's right there, right there. Oh, I love that picture. He just texted me, meet you at the Jacuzzi 20 minutes after your show. I'm like, fuck yeah, I get to hang out with him. He came over today, we're gonna be doing, he's teaching me how to do what's called reaction video. So yes, I am beyond grateful that he is nearby. Burley says, are you seeing anyone special at the moment? No, I spend a lot of time prospecting, you know, I call it prospecting, pre-qualifying people to go out on dates with, but I haven't had a first date in, gosh. I haven't had a first date. Well, I had a friendship date with a woman a few weeks ago, but that was friends. I haven't had a first date in three months. Just no one excites me. By the way, I've been ghosted three times in the last three months. I've been totally ghosted. So I've micro ghosting, I mean they disappeared. So anyway, it'll happen when it happens. It'll happen when it happens. Thank you for the question, I appreciate it. Oh, about your book called Heart-Centered Dating. No, it's called Compassionate Dating, why modern romance needs a makeover. I'm just still, I need someone to help me ghost write it. So thank you. Lee says, are you aware of any books on long distance relationships? No, I'm not, but you can go to, just type in Amazon. Check it, try it that way. How do you like living in California? I love living in California, folks. I love, love, love living in California. Let me tell you, that was my view the other night. That's the view from my balcony. Yes, I fucking love California. So thank you for asking. Lee says, stay strong, Jonathan. We need you, thank you so much. Is chivalry gone forever? Remember, chivalry implies weakness from the other person. So chivalry is about strength for weak people. So if you're a weak person, I'm sure there's a strong person for you. But if you're not, I'm not a big fan of chivalry. What I'm a fan of grown-up behavior, grown-up behavior, two grown-ups meeting each other on the 50 yard line. Because you don't need chivalry. What you need is two grown-ups. That's my invitation for you anyway. Thank you so much. Jack says, I'm very sorry for the loss of your son, Jonathan, may I ask what was the cause of his death? So I don't think I've actually shared this publicly. It was an accident. You know, in his honor, I'm not gonna share what it is publicly, but I'll just say it was an accident. But the specifics, in his honor, I'm not gonna share that. And he was a few weeks after his 19th birthday. So that's how he died in the accident. Thank you so much. Oh, I don't know how to pronounce the name. I bought your book today. Thanks for helping me get in touch with my sovereignty. Thank you so much for the 1999 Super Sticker. That is so sweet of you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Oh God, I can't pronounce it properly. Okay, AAZ7, thank you so much. Jennifer says, thank you for responding to my question. Lynn says, if you have a list of all the things you want in a perfect girl, have you ever thought of shortening the list? My list is actually, my core list is this. We are totally into each other. We're totally into each other. She is totally into life. I mean, she's passionate about life. And that means personal development or spiritual work. She's passionate about the things that I'm passionate about. What was the third thing? I had to, I was just toying with this the other day. And she basically has her house in order. In other words, she's not completely a train wreck in her life. If we're in, she's into me is what I'm asking for. And I'm into her. She's totally as passionate in her life, particularly in the areas that I have passion in. And she has her house in order. After that, I'm seeking that alignment, because it's a lot harder when there's not alignment, but those are the three things I look for to kind of begin the process. Does that help you, Lynn? I hope it does. All right. Watch me says, thank you spirit for allowing whatever happens in the relationship to be the highest good of all concerned. Amen. Oh, I wanna thank Abby for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much. Angelique, Angelina, my eldest son passed away. I completely appreciate how precious those moments with our kids are. God bless your efforts. There are no words. And I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug if that's okay, because there are no words to anybody who's lost a child. And in this moment, you're in my prayers. And I'm praying that God universe spirit gives you the strength that Connor gave me to not grieve with suffering. To grieve with love. And that's my choice for you. And that's my invitation for you to grieve with love. Sending you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. All right. This is gonna be the last question. What's your moon and rising sign? Love your Leo passion enthusiasm so much. I'm a Virgo son Sagittarius moon sag rising astrology. So folks, I have four houses in Leo and one note in Leo. My rising is Leo and I think my moon is Leo. So I am like a total fucked up Leo. All right. This will be the last question Dave. You said micro ghosting recently. What is that? Micro ghosting. Ghosting is when you actually are in a relationship and they disappear. Micro ghosting is when you began communicating with one another and then they disappear. Disappear. That's micro ghosting. It's kind of like the old form of standing you up or not showing interest. So that's micro ghosting. Thank you for that question. Folks, I'm gonna run by those five signs he thinks about you and wants a serious relationship. First off, he's vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Number two, he sees the real you and he still wants to hang out with you. He apologizes. He knows how to fight fair. He's willing to compromise when there's something when there's a conflict in your lifestyles and schedules. And lastly, after sex, he's committed to you. All right. I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. Folks off from the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you all so much. Please share this video with your friends. Please like this video if you appreciate the content. Check out the links below to a free discovery call. My group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can follow me on Instagram. You can check out my books. I recommend and also my podcast and you can grab my free gift. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic chocolate bear hug. So, love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wanna thank Sherriot and Jamie and Jennifer and Jennifer says Leo's are fabulous and Jackie and Angelina and Aubrey and Roe and Lee and Jenny. Jenny, you're in, sweetheart. Abby, Trudy, big hugs to you. Lynn, all of you, thank you so much. Wishing you a fab evening. Bye-bye now.