 I am James Swanick and today we are talking to a lovely woman who is celebrating one year alcohol free. This is Debbie Oates who lives in the Lake District in Northern England. She's a children's day nursery owner and director. She is the mother to a six-year-old and just over a year ago she completed, well actually she started I should say project 19 and now we're catching up with her nine months after she started but one year later being alcohol free and we're going to find out how her experience has been 12 months alcohol free. Debbie congratulations firstly. Thank you very much. Tell us how does it feel to be one year alcohol free before we go back a little bit and share your story. It's amazing. It's a life changing decision really but it's also that I'm not sitting at home and think oh god I really want to drink now so that is completely gone. You just live, you just learn to live without it and you're actually happy about it so my husband stopped almost two years ago in June. We do have sometimes still a little five minutes congratulation pet on our shoulder thing and our husband not amazing and well done us and so we do do that as well just to cherish it I think so but it's amazing. It's yeah it's amazing. It becomes very quickly very normal and you don't know how you dealt with alcohol before that. That's a funny thing I think. I don't know how I cope with the stress with my constant hang of us. I don't know how I did that. I mean I must have done it because obviously I'm still here but I don't know how I did it. It was funny. Yeah how do you see or how do you respond or react when you are in the company of others who are drinking socially and you know quite happily what goes through your mind if anything in those kind of surroundings. Well obviously with the past year being pandemic year let's put it like that there weren't many social temptations let's let's say and I live in England the English are known maybe for you know being very less affair let's say with the alcohol consumption they like their pop culture no offense and well most people are interested because most people are a bit like in disbelief why did you do that it's like oh yeah why not you know so it's a it's a it's a question which comes all automatically now and and then first they kind of try a little bit oh come on it's you know just one it's my birthday or whatever we had a stuff leaving party the other day well just with colleagues and they're brought prosecco in oh come on just have one it's my last day and it's like no I but once they realize that you are sincere about it and that you're not really embarrassed about it anymore I'm not embarrassed to say well no I stopped drinking they're actually quite inquisitive they ask you why that is and why did you you know and suddenly you realize that they get interested in what made you stop drinking and you can see their thought process you know what I mean it's a it's a funny and then you have actually a really good conversation with it and people are then very accepting they don't try to force you anymore or come on just last just one last one or so it just stops there because I think they see that you are quite comfortable with it and quite sincere and then they're just not asking anymore awkward questions really and what feedback have you got from people after they realize your alcohol free or what feedback have you got from people who maybe have noticed a shift in you this past year compared to previous years and well I think well some people say well I can't stop you know I'm in complete control and then I always think to myself well I thought I was but you are not really are you so but I I'm not lecturing anybody so because I think it's a you can't win the argument it's like convincing someone you have to believe in God now so you can't win it so if someone doesn't want to stop drinking then that's fine isn't it um well I got compliments in regards because I started I always wanted to do a master's degree but I never had the time as you always said you know can't you can't do it you know I'm a mother you know I can't I own my own business so I enrolled finally and people said oh how are you going to manage it I said I don't know I will find out you know um but I want to do it and I managed quite well and I think that feedback is that people realize that you are getting things done in a way so even though they don't they don't reflect it to alcohol I think or I know it's because of that but I'm not kind of promoting it really maybe I should but I think they are well well done you're doing this now wow that's how how do you fit that in the day and it's like in my head I always think well the three hours I was normally sitting in front of the telly or in my in front of my you know having my dinner and drinking my bottle of wine that's the three hours now which I have free and can read my things or do my studies or go to bed early and get up early the next morning and do two hours of you know what I mean so they don't realize that it has a side effect and yeah so I think the feedback is positive even though not everybody makes a connection to or you stop drinking if you know what I mean so that's only for me so I'm quite proud of that actually because I think well normally I wouldn't have done it yeah so it seems like you've become increasingly productive as a result of being alcohol-free that's what I'm thinking yeah yeah but you have more time I think the biggest thing for me is I mean except of my my parenting as well with my daughter because she's quite a whirlwind I mean I think every six years is anyway but you always think your child is the unique one but she's quite demanding which is nice and I used to just park her in front of the television all the time to just have my hour with my bottle of wine or with my glass of wine or with my beer which was silly really and now I take that hour and actually interact with her and play with her and so you have much better time with that but for me it's the time it's time you have more time even if you go to bed early which is like 10 o'clock which is not early early but you know we normally watch the 10 o'clock news in England and then a 10 30 quarter past 10 we are going to bed we didn't used to do that we used to go to bed late but then obviously when you go to bed late you're tired in the morning so now we are getting up at six but I'm not because I have to get up at six is because at six o'clock I had a really good night's sleep no hangover and no headache and then you are ready for the day and that hour here and there or two hours here and there just makes a difference it accumulates over the week doesn't that even on the weekend it's just amazing how much you get done and you get up early especially with the good weather now it's it's light in England we six o'clock the sun is up and it's a bright blue sky day and you automatically wake up with more energy and that's just I think for me the biggest yeah the biggest benefit really time take us back to a year and a few months ago yeah what were your daily drinking habits and how did you identify those drinking habits were compromising areas of your life well my drinking habits before I stopped I mean it was also again lockdown so they say everybody drank more lockdown anyway but for me it was I came home regularly and I was stressed and I had to drink to relieve my stress so sometimes I think me and my husband obviously my husband a bit earlier than me but when he was still drinking our habit was really come home first walk was to the fridge bottle of white wine and I loved white wine so when your blow was my thing and before we did anything else so we didn't you know child walked in straight to the telly we went to the fridge had a bottle of wine or glass of wine and then the evening started so and that became a habit a really bad habit and you feel it because I every three days I had to go to the bloody supermarket and buy more wine or every second day so you do feel awkward another one is empty and and the compromise was that most of the nights went to bed tired and you know hung out drunk really and then the next day of a hungover we didn't really spend the time and we didn't have the patience with my daughter I mean every toddler is yanking up for bedtime but you have to kind of stay calm and in the zone to kind of control that behavior and we couldn't we just kind of said all right okay well then we got grumpy with her and we I don't want to say we shouted at her we got really annoyed with her because we wanted to go back to our wine and our evening activity which wasn't her so she was not really part of that so conveniently when we wanted to have our time for our alcohol she watched the television and I think that's just the bush is awful in a way when I look back now I think oh my god we've spent so much time really spending time with her then just drinking wine so I think that was really bad kind of downhill cycle and then we argued me and my husband we did argue a lot as well because when you are drunk you don't reason you don't or you reason differently you and then the next day you woke up and oh you think oh why did we argue I can't remember but then you feel guilty about it and you feel a bit anxious about it and it's just awkward isn't it so that just adds to all the stress and the funny thing is the next day it starts all again isn't it you do the same thing just to kind of relieve your stress again so it's a real devil's cycle isn't it in a way and I think you only realize that when you go out of it of how it is because when you're in it it's quite it's your routine it's your habit isn't it it's your life so yeah funny thing and so what was the what was the time or the moment or the incident or the accumulation of incidents that led to you first of all doing the 30 day no alcohol challenge program that I offer and then completing that and then enrolling in the project 90 experience so what was the what was the catalyst for taking the action well I think the worst thing for me is that my husband and I at that stage were at a very difficult moment in our marriage really so and I don't want to say it was the alcohol but it was many other things and I think the alcohol was really the trigger for many of our difficulties and it was at that stage where I mean I knew I had to change something and not only like all right I'll you know give him a little bit more attention it was a drastic change really and to save the relationship so I remember that we were just before lockdown last year and we have a second residence which is a lighthouse effectively so we rented out at the moment so for holiday lets and obviously with lockdown nobody was able to to rent it so we stayed there over lockdown which was amazing it's an amazing area of England and I sat in the garden I thought okay what am I going to do with my life am I going to waste my life and lose my husband and just you know and then and I thought I need a challenge I need something to take my mind off myself in a way to just focus on something else for a while and everybody in England I don't know in America but in everyone they did all 30 day challenges in regards to an exercise or 30 steps a day or whatever and I thought no that's not big enough and then I found your video and it's really that random that I thought you know what and then the video gave me made me really think is that maybe the reason and I know my husband got really angry with me because he stopped so long ago and he said you should really stop drinking I said no no the drinking is not the problem you are the problem so and when I read your 30 day like the description of it I thought maybe that's really the reason maybe the alcohol is really yeah standing in my way of being happy and that was for me the moment where I thought I'll just have to try it and I wasn't a bit worried about it because I you know I like my white wine and it's a big change but I thought I'll just gonna try it for 30 days and see how I feel and after a short while obviously I think halfway through it I already thought this is different but good different amazing so you that was halfway through the 30 day challenge you were feeling like okay great and then you completed that yeah and you felt pretty good I guess and yeah like rested and energetic and I don't know little changes already isn't it better sleep so you are you know I mean the the fact of our eldest daughter 23 you drink with 23 so she's drinking less actually which is it has a benefit on her as well because she sees how we are now without alcohol that she often sits with us now and I think for my younger daughter it will be completely different because I don't think she will grow up with alcohol which is I think fantastic I think she will you know and we all I know when we're young we all kind of get pissed and be silly and everything but because she's watching us having fun more fun with alcohol and spending more time with us I think it's teaching her a really important life lesson and you know because we used to sit with my eldest daughter we used to sit with her and got drunk with her I mean how awful is that with a 21-year-old but you do that yeah come on have another glass and you know and then you're silly and then they they think it's hilarious oh my parents are you know but awful I mean when I look back at it's like oh my god what lesson are we teaching her now and she's not often with us and you know so she sees a huge difference and so yeah so after the 30 days I knew I didn't want to go back to drinking but I also didn't know how I how I how to do it in a way you know what I mean because I'm the kind of person I like these group calls I like the support I thought I need some something to kind of keep me going a little bit because I know I used to stop I used to smoke and I stopped smoking and it took me five attempts to stop and I'm not a very willpower person so I thought I need that security net my husband didn't he just willpower you know stop switch fine and then we started to listen to all these people we listen to a podcast obviously all you know your podcast other podcast out there I'm going to promote any other but there's like one year no beer and we all the people said the same thing and I just thought well I want to be part of that so for me the group gave me a lot of exchange that I'm not a weirdo because you do have funny thoughts at the beginning don't you what am I doing if I go to a restaurant and I can't order wine what am I drinking you know and oh god will I be strong enough to say no if the waiter says I have a really nice bottle of red wine for you and we have a Italian restaurant here and he always has really nice wines and I said oh what will I say to Salvo if he brings a really nice red bottle for me and all these insecurities where you don't you know where the temptation might be there and all will I be strong enough to say no in that moment isn't it so yeah so for me then the 90 day challenge was definitely the the the next step to get where I'm now really yeah and so what was your experience like when you went through that 90 day process and why do you think that was so instrumental in you getting long-term power over alcohol because a lot of folks think that if they do a 30 day no alcohol challenge they're all of a sudden they're broken through and everything's fine and now then they're gonna have power over alcohol for the rest of their life which most of the time it doesn't happen because a lot of people especially with these dry januaries you know it's like oh I'm gonna do dry january but of course you're just waiting for February 1st to roll around so you can celebrate with a drink and then you just go back to the old habits so what was it about that 90 day process that you went through in project 90 that you think made the fundamental shift in you for it to be a long-term habit and that long-term habit being alcohol-free I mean I think the coaching I didn't manage every week because sometimes it because of the time difference the group called sometimes where either too early bedtime five-year-old or too late in the middle of the night in the UK so I couldn't join all of the group calls but the coaching always worked and that's once a week isn't it so and I had that with Kevin and sometimes he did upset me but not by on purpose but he just challenged and he asked and then I was you know sorry to interrupt Debbie's just referring to one of our coaches there when you when you're sorry yeah yeah that's all right no just for context for the listener who maybe doesn't know what you're referring to we have coaches who work with our work with our clients and you were saying that sometimes you felt upset by some of the coaching and what I just say that he puts a mirror on isn't he reflects what what you maybe don't want to face because I do think as well and I wasn't I mean you don't know it until you've done it how much you use alcohol as an excuse to hide behind it and when people told me this a year ago I thought yeah right I'm not hiding anything and I used to be the person who was always in control of alcohol I didn't drink at home on my own but I needed it for social confidence and all that so you are hiding behind it and I think sometimes you just don't want to hear that that is the weakness isn't it and when someone tells you that directly but not rude but just directly and you think hang on a minute who are you again you are kind of feel a bit offended don't you so I there were moments where you just had to like think about it and then think maybe he's right you know maybe and then you then the thought process starts and I think that's where it digs deeper in where you then really take those moments and and think yeah he might he might be on something there and and I think that's where you find your strength to say no I don't want to drink anymore because we had the discussion the other day and because my eldest daughter asked me oh will you ever go back to it just pour a glass you know a nice glass of red wine with your fillet steak and I thought you know what in theory it sounds fantastic doesn't it if you had one glass but I think I would not be able to I would not be able to believe it there and I think it would then lure me in you know what you would then everything you worked for in the last year would then kind of slide away again you know what I mean so for me it's really no it's I said no to it and I don't look back and I'm glad about it so I just it's like someone made the decision I made the decision and now I don't want to regret that decision so and I'm quite happy and I'm happy with it you know what I mean I can't really explain it any better sorry does that make any sense you're doing great so you don't feel like you're depriving yourself of any enjoyment or pleasure or fun by choosing to be alcohol free no not at all yeah that's an important distinction because a lot of folks feel like giving up alcohol will send them into a prison yeah they're depriving themselves of life's pleasures I can't I can't I see yeah I can I think that was my worry as well last year like what are you going to do and it's a funny thing because I mean again the year was a funny year so you couldn't maybe socialize as much as you wanted to so that like I said the pressure was maybe less but I know that last summer in England we were less locked down so there were more no freedoms and we have a and the best example I can tell you we have a friend couple and they love to drink big drinkers and we always used to go there we got absolutely leathered with them had a good laugh I must say and they invited us for dinner and I said to my husband what are we going to do with them you know so we didn't drink and it was actually a really funny thing but I for the first time I was actually I actually talked to them and I found things which I didn't know about them and I've been knowing them for like over 10 years now so I should be able to say I know them but I didn't know their family history so you you get to know those people suddenly and they drank less as well so the effect you have on other people is actually starting to take the alcohol away and actually interact with the human you were actually having dinner with rather than only talking about whiskey and wine and being doing silly drinking games so and then we played charades so you know we we did we did other things and I think for me that was much more sophisticated evening because I remember everything be I didn't feel rubbish the next day and see I thought you know what for me meeting friends is not only for dinner and drinking you can do things in the day you can bond with people differently and I think that comes too short when you only invite them to dinner and it's basically an excuse to get you know get bamboozled really isn't it so now you're starting to actually interact with the humans and maybe join interests together we I with that lady I started boot camp now I hate boot camp by the way it's a gym but it's really good for me and I I don't think I would have done that with her with the drink because all we would have done together is just getting completely pissed and you know that's just the thing isn't it you you bond differently to people so you'll go you're actually exiting your prison I think you're going out of your prison and you actually start into make friends and real friends on real things not on alcohol yeah real friends on real things and not involving alcohol incredible uh sleep is a big thing did your sleep change noticeably did your physical health change uh yeah yeah um yeah I started like I said I started boot camp which I needed to do something and I don't think I would have been able to do boot camp because it's at eight o'clock in the morning before I start work again with a hangover no chance I would have probably been sick on their floor every more every week and you lose a lot of weight don't you I lost a lot of weight even though I'm already I would say relatively slim so I'm not big but you lose all the trouble the wobble bits you know I and that's without any training really that's only by not drinking and I think that's amazing so just by doing that people said audit you are you on a diet well in a way I am but now I'm just not not drinking because drinking has so much so many calories and you don't realize until you stop drinking of how many calories you're actually able to eat without throwing them away and two glasses of wine which is crazy um so that's better um fitah um sleep big thing um I always used to sleep anyway more than my husband but I think even when you sleep less you sleep better so even if you had a late night last night we went to bed at one for other reasons but um still had to get up at six for work and yeah I'm a bit tired five hours is not really cutting it but you sleep anyway better so you are even though you sleep less you're more rested you just you know you're yeah you just when I used to sleep eight hours drunk I woke up and I was absolutely naked in the morning I was tired I had a headache I everything was foggy and you didn't really concentrate on things as well and I think in my business I see that as well that you are just you're not waiting two months to do something you're just doing it right then right now and in two months time you have the result already whilst two years ago I would have waited a month because I couldn't really be bothered and I'll do that tomorrow you get the bit in your own lazy kind of routine you're just going through the day as things are occurring but you're not proactively doing things because you are not well rested really isn't it you're not you're not fit you're not at your highest potential really I think so yeah that's yeah that's probably it and and in terms of your business tell us just a little bit about your children's day nursery you're the owner and you're the director and how have you found that experience being alcohol-free in the past year well with children whoever works with children you you can't have a hangover I mean you can but you can't so um well it just overall when you when you own your business and people might probably relate to this you always want to change things and you have really good ideas and you have you know moments where you think oh I want to do this but they're always on your wish list and you never have time for them they are these things which you're right on your to-do list on number one and then you never cross them off isn't it so I had a list like that and I always want to do this and the other and the master's degree is one part of it because I want to change the direction of it but obviously I need the qualification for it without that I can't do it and and with with that I mean it's not overnight it's not a thing or I stopped drinking and tomorrow you're making millions more in cash but you are you're tackling problems early I think and you are actually taking your wish list and you think you know okay let's do this and then you're just sitting down and you're just doing it and then you're getting because you are doing it and people see that you are now really involved in it and you are inspired by it and then you start researching it and then other people I think they're getting on your train a little bit more they are kind of you they're in through the Aztec about it as well and suddenly you have this movement of of a certain project which you always wanted to do and you always thought oh god it's such a big thing I'll do that tomorrow I'll do that next week or let's just let's just finish the term and I'll do it in the new term so you always have an excuse don't you and with that you just tackle it and they're not done and the wish list probably always be there because that's just the way I am I'm a very ambitious person but I know now all right if I want to do something I will I I know I have the time to do it really or at least the energy to do it and then yeah and then with that I think you are starting a bit of a movement within your team as well and they feel it um yeah so it's positive really change comes positively and quite naturally if I may say so now so that's the biggest the biggest I think biggest influence so and we are really busy now and things are always wanted to do with social media so suddenly I don't know it's maybe also a little bit faith isn't it but then suddenly you find the right people you're talking they are really inspired so now we have a really good social media company which promotes Linwood very well locally because obviously our business is very local and and we we are busy we busier than ever really this is the busiest term and that might also of course be because pandemic people are going back to work I appreciate that it's not every not everything that's related to that but I think because of your fresh mind let's say in your brain fog you know which is gone I think you are just more open to these kind of changes as well and more yeah positively about it and I think that only benefits your business isn't it so if there was a business owner listening right now yeah and they suspect or they or deep down they know that their drinking is compromising their business operations probably compromising their health and relationships but specifically their business what advice might you have for them uh stop drinking and and go for it I think and it's it it can only bring positive change it cannot have a negative effect because because you are more rested because of all the things I just explained I think you are just going as a business owner you're just going into the day continuously well prepared even though you know even though you how can I say it even though you're not necessarily working more or harder you're working at the same level but because you are more in the room maybe you're in the zone in the zone you just it has a bigger effect on on your business really so and I think with staff and I have I have 19 staff to manage and staff management is really hard I find it very hard anyway some people might not but it's um you have to be consistent with staff and you can't just say oh today I can't be asked really sorry can't be bothered really to um tell them off for something or encourage them or or do that or do the other you have to stick to your word don't you have to say no you have you have to teach them train them every day I have to be there for my staff every day I have to give them the same answers every day because if you give them one answer one day and another then they are confused and then they maybe think oh she just talks rubbish or she's you know not in the zone just leave her alone so it's just consistent that that presence really isn't it that you are in charge and you are in control and I think staff appreciate that so that's obviously very regional I don't know other stuff might be different but for me it gave me um confidence of of also maybe sometimes um not avoiding conflict you know when you are not really fit you have a really bad hangover and so I really have to speak to that staff because she kind of you know made a mistake yesterday but I really can't be bothered with the argument now so I'll do it tomorrow but if you don't tackle that I think staff will either carry the mistake on so they will do the mistake over and over again which is your that it harms your business and and they won't learn from the mistake so I think you need to you know you need to be in the zone don't you need to address mistakes directly you need to manage them right then right there another example is we are doing appraisals once a year and I always hated appraisals because I was never really you know you don't have the time to prepare for them their hard work you know but this time I was really positive about it and rather than taking a month to do them I did them all in like 10 days so I had two a day which are hard work sometimes but the feedback I got and because everybody knew that I would not shift those appraisals I had to do them and suddenly there was this positivity in the in the team where they maybe felt listened to and they felt you know what she does really care what I think and she does really look how I work and she gave me good feedback and because it was immediate and everybody was in the same kind of time frame and they were all very positive and I think that's also a key of success isn't it if you have motivated happy staff especially where I work then you you bring the business forward our parents feel that the staff are happy and I think that's what you want isn't it you want that kind of positivity going over to your clients and saying oh they are a great company they have really good staff and their customer service is amazing or whatever in our case it's the care and that's the word goes around and suddenly you get more people buying your product or in my case putting their children into my care really and that's what I want isn't it I want more children I want parents to come so it does affect and I wouldn't have and I without with with the alcohol with the you know with the the tiredness the headaches the the laziness in a way as well the being oh god I groggy feeling exhausted I did to start it's reflexive stuff that the management style goes back to them they see that even though if they can't pinpoint that but yeah they yeah well Debbie thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey congratulations on one year alcohol free it's amazing and uh yeah continued business success continued relationship success and continued health success obviously on this alcohol free journey that you're on yeah thank you very much here comes to 2022 then yeah now it's going to be we're going for two years alcohol free now you think oh yeah definitely definitely amazing well Debbie Oates from the Lake District in northern England thank you so much for your time and thank you very much thanks yeah absolutely and to you the listener say hello to Kevin for me and Anton yes yeah you want to say hello to the team why don't we put you we'll do a little Marco Polo here you can send a little message to the project 90 current project 90 clients who don't know you will keep recording here for the podcast so so the listener can can listen in so we have this little group on Marco Polo which is a little video messaging group and uh if you want to yeah let's let's have you send a little message i'll set it up here we go hello project 90 clients i am live on the podcast right now interviewing Debbie Oates who is one year alcohol free today and Debbie joined project 90 uh a year ago which is incredible Debbie any message yeah any message for our existing p90 clients oh you are doing all great keep keep keep keep going it's completely worth it um it's the best experience ever um yeah you all doing fantastic however long you are in the journey the longer you go the better it gets completely worth it don't give up amazing thank you Debbie so one year alcohol free today so there that was fun thank you very much a lot of folks a lot of folks who are kind of either on week one or who are on week four or week five or six they they tell me that they get super inspired when they see someone graduate after 90 days so which is why I think our our program works so well because you know people there who are on their first week are mixing with people who are on day 80 or 85 or you know people who've just finished 90 and maybe they're on day 120 and so when they see a message like that from you who's at a year alcohol free it actually inspires them and propels them more yeah well don't know that's that's what you need sometimes isn't it a little um inspiration for that really isn't it yeah yeah well Debbie thank you so much for your time and uh we'll catch you on the next one bye thank you very much James bye thanks for listening to the alcohol free lifestyle podcast I want to load you up with some free stuff right now so if you want to go to jameswanick.com slash guide I will send you my quit alcohol guide which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals produce or quit drinking you can also text the word quit guide to the number 4422 if you're in the US of course it doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US but if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide text the word quit guide to the number 4422 or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide if you'd like to schedule a 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