 We proudly present Hollywood. Radio Theatre starring Victor Moore, John DeFore, Carly Wuggles and Gale Storm in It Happened on Fifth Avenue. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Wyldham Keely. Seeing from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen, when I was a struggling young actor in New York, there was no greater thrill than a ride on the top of an open Fifth Avenue bus. So I was saddened to hear that they'd been recently replaced. Imagine my joyful surprise the other day to see some of those old friends rumbling down of all places Hollywood Boulevard, signaling the release of Roy Del Rue's romantic and delightful comedy, It Happened on Fifth Avenue, from the studios of Allied Artists. We're fortunate in having with us the original All-Star cast, Victor Moore, John DeFore, Carly Wuggles and Gale Storm. Here's Act One of It Happened on Fifth Avenue, starring Victor Moore as Lallawish's T. McKeever, John DeFore as Jim Bullock, Carly Wuggles as Michael O'Connor and Gale Storm as Trudy. The Michael J. O'Connor mansion on Upper Fifth Avenue is one of the showplaces of New York City. But on this blustery November afternoon, it stands empty. Its windows tightly boarded up for the winter. Michael O'Connor is at his plantation in Virginia. His divorce wife is in Florida. And Trudy, their daughter, is at finishing school. Well, let's say that up to two hours ago, Trudy was at finishing school. It's true, Mr. O'Connor. She's run away. Your daughter's run away from school. Well, I won't stand for it. Are you here? I want the best detective agency in New York. Tell them to keep in constant touch with me. Yes, sir. The board of directors are waiting, Mr. O'Connor, for the building projects. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, let's get it over with. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Look at this newspaper. Yes, I've already seen it. Look at this photograph. Evicted veteran calls O'Connor occupied. Yes. To build our office building, we have to tear down that apartment. Before we can tear down that apartment, the tenants have to be evicted. Isn't that simple enough? Yes. Well, next time, no pictures in the paper. You understand? No pictures. Well, while this is going on, while Trudy is running away and building projects are being projected, a rather dumpy, shabby-dressed gentleman furtively slips through the high-board fence in back of the O'Connor Fifth Avenue mansion. He lifts up the iron cover of the cold chute and disappears into the O'Connor cellar. One hour later, with splendid and high-still cats, striped trousers and walking stick, he's strolling leisurely in an adjacent park. Oh, what a wonderful feeling. I've never thought... Oh, good afternoon. You mind if I share the bench with you? No, but I present you're calling this bench a bench. This happens to be my new home. Your home? Yes, and Michael J. O'Connor is an octopus. A human octopus slowly strangling civilization in his tentacles. He is? Yes. I've been evicted. Michael J. O'Connor has just thrown me out of my apartment. Oh, it's a terrible thing, isn't it, this housing problem? Well, I'd settle for an upholstered, steam-heated gutter. I solved my residential problem years ago. Judging from your clothes, you could afford to. Well, I wouldn't say that. But if you're in trouble and have no place to go, you can be my guest for the night. Oh, no. Thanks a lot, but I'll manage somehow. It's getting dark now. I'll be happy to have you. Well, you know something, Pop? I think maybe I'll take you up a bit. Oh, you will? Fine, fine. It's that lovely house just over there. That? That's your house? Well, let's just say that I live there. Well, here, try one of these cigars. Nothing like a good cigar, is it? Oh, my boy, well, how do you like your room? Giving me a place to sleep, huh? Passing out cigars, huh? Well, you snaking the grass, I could break your... I was afraid you would... Now, look, when you brought me through that fence, I didn't say anything, did I? I figured you were eccentric. Okay. Well, when we came through the servant centers... Yes, but I explained the house is boarded up. We had to... Shut up, you. This is what it says here on the Silver Loving Cup. Go on, read it. It says, Winner, Newport Yacht Races, Michael J. O'Connor. The great Michael J. O'Connor in person. Well, listen, money bags, are you so wrapped up in yacht races you've forgotten as a human race? My boy, much to my regret, you forced me to divulge a secret. I am not Mr. O'Connor. My name is McKeever. Aloysius T. McKeever. McKeever? Well, then where's O'Connor? In Virginia. A place called Bubbling Springs. Now, it's quite beautiful there. Oh, yeah, but you're a friend of O'Connor. Well, let us say Mr. O'Connor is a friend of mine. You see Jim... Jim Bullock. Yeah, well, you see Jim, every fall Mr. O'Connor goes to Virginia. As soon as he leaves here, I move in. It's been a very satisfactory arrangement. Hey, the lights. The lights just went out. Oh, well, it can't be them. It's too early. It can't be who and who's too early? Never mind. Say, did you say you live here alone? Yes. Well, you ever got company? Somebody's coming up the stairs. It's a girl. Oh, I don't understand this at all. I suggest we hide in here. Hide? Yes, please. Hey, look, I don't get this. I'll explain. But later. You gotta hurry, tooties. Just grab your things and get out of the house. Oh, my new phone. It's got pretty good taste, haven't it? Ah! Come on, if they shed that mink. Who? Who are you? Me, I'm a frontrapper. Come on, give. Get your hands off me. Uh, I surrender the coat if I were you, young woman. And just what are you to... You'll get out of here before I call the police. Police? Oh, well, go ahead. There's a phone. Call the police. You bet I will. Uh, just a moment, please. I better take that telephone. Hey, where you going with it? Just out in the hall. Jim, I think you'd better come with me. Uh, your excuse is missed. Well? What did you grab that phone for? Jim, I'm afraid we're in no position to let her call the police. Why not? Because the young lady, no matter who she is, has as much right here as we have. Oh, now look, I don't get this. You're a guest of O'Connor's, aren't you? Well, yes. Except Mr. O'Connor doesn't know about her. You see, I've never even laid eyes on him. You mean you live here without permission? Uh-huh. But how do you get away with it? Oh, it's not difficult. He never comes back until March 15th. I leave on March 13th. It works out very well, everyone. Why, you old posses. Oh, I never do any harm. As a matter of fact, I do a lot of good. I dust off the furniture, wind up the clocks. Then you take these clothes I'm wearing. If it weren't for me, they'd be in the closet gathering more. I take a different suit every day for a nice airing. But that girl in there, what are we going to do about her? Well, you just leave it to me then. Come on. Young woman, we've decided. Please, you won't call the police. Oh, I know I shouldn't have broken in here, but I'm applying for a job tomorrow. Oh, sure, sure. It's true. Here. Look, here's the ad. Girl wanted to sell sheet music, apply Times Square melody shop. Oh, sure. You've got to wear a main coat to work in a music shop. Young lady, don't you know there's a law against breaking into people's houses? Yes, I do. What's your name? Smith, Trudy Smith. Where do you live, Miss Smith? In Dubuque with my 13 brothers and sisters. 14 children? That's mine, mine. Neighbors must call your house a star club. Are you sure you... Hey, hey, the lights again. Oh, dear. That's the Gates Patrol. They watched the house out of sight. Now, quick. There we go again. What's going on here? Oh, I can't explain now, Miss Smith. We'll hide in the icebox. Now, you just follow me. It's cold in here. I'm freezing. It takes them about 10 minutes to look around. Here, here, put on my jacket. Oh, but I... Come on, put it on. Thank you. Now, get as close to me as you can. There. How's that? That's much better. Thank you. Hey, hey, hey. We should do this more often. Oh, we will. We will. You really should see this icebox with the lights on. It's as big as a barn and just loaded down with wonderful things to eat. Now, look, Pop, exactly what goes on here. The Gates Patrol. They just stopped to see if everything's all right. They were a little early tonight. But the block out. Oh, I'm really quite proud of that. I've arranged a gadget that connects the front door with the main electricity switch. Whenever the front door opens, all the lights go out. But why do we have to hide in the icebox? Well, you may as well know, Trudy. I'm an entrel over here, the same as you are. You mean you go through this every night? Oh, you get used to it. In fact, it's kind of fun after a while. Well, we can go out now. They're gone. Now, if you'll wait here a second, I'll throw the switch back on. Ah, there we are. Oh, don't worry. They can't see the lights from the street. All the windows are boarded up. Well, it's defrost. Now, how about you, Trudy? I guess we won't call the police after all. Oh, how can I thank you, Mr. McKeever, Alice's team McKeever. And this is Jim Bullock. Let me give you a tip, Miss Smith. New York is no place for a kid without friends. Yes, you'd better go straight back home. Oh, please. I just can't go back. My father's a terrible drunkard. He's lazy, and he beats us. All 14 of you? Every night. Your old man's not lazy. When I wouldn't want any girl to go home to a boot like that, I suppose you can stay here. Thank you. Just for the night, mind you. Oh. You can sleep in the room where we found you. Be sure to make your bed in the morning. And don't touch anything. I won't. Good night, Trudy. Good night. Good night, Jim. Huh? Oh, good night. Oh, you got the job, Trudy. Well, that's just fine. $30 a week, Mr. McKeever, and I start tomorrow. And is that Jim and my Mr. McKeever? Yes, and some friends of his. No, I'm being placed in a very awkward position, Trudy. All right, what's the matter? Well, come in. Maybe you can tell us. Well, I'm sure glad you got the job, Trudy. Oh, I'd like to meet the heavy of my friends here. Trudy Smith, Whitey Johnson, and Hank Anderson. Hi, Mr. McKeever. Whitey and Hank are my buddies in the war. Oh, it's Mrs. Anderson and Mrs. Johnson. Hello. And don't forget the baby. Oh, Henry. Oh, don't cry, darling. It's all right. All right, well, it's criminal. It's inhuman. What's inhuman? They've been evicted, just like I was. You know where they're living? In a trailer in Flatbush. Oh, now take it easy, Jim. You can't blame Mr. McKeever. Max, look. You simply can't turn these people out into the street. Oh, this is really very embarrassing. Well, look, you're O'Connor's guest here. I'm O'Connor's guest here. OK, we'll all be O'Connor's guest here. Me too? Well, why not, Trudy? There are 43 rooms. Not in my 20 years of living as a guest in other people's homes have I ever been faced with a situation like this. He can't very well turn children away. Look at him. Look at you, look at you, look at you. Hello there. Well, I guess we'll be able to manage somehow. That, of course, Max. Look, your baby's smiling at me. Oh, come in, Max. Sit down and join us. Ah, talking business, boys? I thought of Mr. McKeever. Where's the girl? They're doing the dinner dishes. Oh, nice having her on, isn't it? It's rather nice to have a place to be around in. Ah, cut, cut, cut. Well, it's like I was saying, Jim, while we're in the Army, we heard all about those $150 a week jobs. What happened to them? Some guys seem to get by without anything, without experiencing without money. How do you do it, Mr. McKeever? Well, I believe that people who require money should work for it. As for myself, I gave up working years ago. I never could make enough to satisfy my lavish taste. So I let other people work for it, and I enjoy it. Well, I haven't seen Mr. O'Connor's cigars. But suppose you had a wife and a kid. Suppose you had a make-do. My boy, making money, is simply a matter of analysis. Analyze what people want most and give it to them. What do you want most? A better job. A place to live. Exactly. You'll find plenty of vacancies if you boys will just use your head. That came out a little different from the way I meant it, excuse me. Well, where are all those vacancies? Army barracks. Vacant army barracks. Army barracks? Well, sure. Sure, it's made to order. I could redesign them. A few plumbing changes, a closet space, landscaping. Hey, wait a minute. Where do we get the dough? The dough, why? Well, we get the dough from the same place we get the labor. Two or three hundred XGIs, just like us. All chipping in. And we'd all be partners. Gentlemen, gentlemen, your problem of capital is secondary. The first thing to consider is which camp to reconvert. Now, do any of you know Camp Kelsen? Why do you and I were inducted there? Well, Kelsen would be great, but how do we find out if it's up for sale? Well, it's for sale, all right. I read it in the newspaper. But you'll have to go down to Washington to get all the details. Well, my wife knows all the ropes down there. She and I could go. What about your baby? Oh, oh, yeah, that's right. What are you worried about? Judy and Mark can take care of the baby. Yeah, and I personally will mix its strengths. I mean, supervised. It's formula. Well, come on, let's sell a girl. Well, well, speak up, Harold. What is it? What is it? They found him, Mr. O'Connor, your daughter. She's using the name of Prudy Smith, sir, and she's got a job here in New York. A job? Great scoff. Where? At Times Square Melody Shop. I'll have her lawyers go there at once and pick her up. No, no, no, those fatheads. No, no, they've got all they can do to handling that Camp Kelsen deal. Yes, sir. I certainly hope we'll be able to buy Camp Kelsen from the government, sir. Well, of course we'll buy it. We'll just outbid all competitors. I'll go and get my daughter myself. I'll charter a plane and I'll... Well, good night, Mr. Flipman. I'll see you Monday. Ah, I wouldn't be so sure of that, Prudy. Father. Prudy, why did you do it here? Why did you run away? If you don't know that, I'm sure I'll never be able to explain. Well, get in the car. Yes, father. Drive us to my office, Henry. Yes, sir. Dad, I am not going back to finishing school. And why not? Because I'm finished. Besides, I've met someone, Dad. I'm in love, I think. Oh, that's ridiculous. Never mind the office, Henry. Drive straight to the house, yes? Oh, no, no, not the house. Are you out of your head? Why can't I drive to my own house? Well, because I'm staying there. Only they don't know that I'm me. They're the people. Mr. McKeever and Jim... Mr. McKeever, woman blazes of age. Mr. McKeever is the man who moves in when you move out. And Jim... Oh, he's a wonderful father. He thinks I'm a thief and you're a drunkard and you've beaten me. He thinks I'm a... Oh, this is fantastic, my goodness. I'll have the police up there and about fighting. All right, Dad. Call the police. Have it your way. You always do. Oh, truly, please. Now what is it, honey? Can't we talk this over like two sensible people? Why don't you tell me what's troubling you? Dad, I've been terribly unhappy. Ever since you and Mother... Dad, I've been so lonely. That's why I ran away. Ah, I see. Well, what do you want me to do? I want you to meet Jim. All right, I'll meet him. You will? Yes. Oh, darling, thank you. Oh, but not as Michael O'Connor. Well, what's wrong with Michael O'Connor? Nothing, but if Jim knew who you really were, well, I'd always be wondering. You're wondering about what? You see, we're really thinking of me or your bank account. Oh, truly, this is your... Oh, Dad, please. Let me have my way just as once. All right, all right. Now what? Henry. Yes, ma'am? Drive to the east side, Henry, to one of those second-hand clothing stores. What in the world for? Well, if you're going to be a bum, you'll have to look like one. If I... Please show off, I haven't seen... In a moment, we'll bring you the second act of It Happens on Tiff Avenue, starting Victor Moore, John DeFore, Charlie Ruggles, and Gail Storr. They say that opportunity knocks but once. Perhaps under certain circumstances, but not where your education is concerned. For human and women on active duty with the United States Armed Forces has the opportunity to continue your education while serving your country. The United States Armed Forces Institute has been knocking on the door of service men for over 20 years. In that time, USAFI has proved conclusively that service personnel who use their off-duty time constructively are more proficient in their military jobs. Ask your education officer about a USAFI course. Here's William Keely at the microphone. Act two of It Happens on Tiff Avenue, starting Victor Moore as McKeever, John DeFore as Jim, Charlie Ruggles as O'Connor, and Gail Storr as Trudy. Nearly an hour later, and in Finkelhoff's second-hand folding store, Mr. Michael Gale O'Connor, a second-richest man in the world, stands aghast in front of a dilapidated mirror. While Mr. Finkelhoff proudly surveys his handiwork. Well, there you are, Mr. $12 for everything. Then already you'll look good. Oh, come on, I'm not going to look at that. Trudy, look at me. Just look at me. I look like a tramp. Darling, that was the idea. And here, here, a fine dirty hat. Hardly faded. Compliments of the house. Oh, Trudy, this is positively outrageous. A baby hat coming, maybe, from the head of a dude. All right, give it to me, give it to me. $12, huh? Less than 10% discount in keeping with the policy, maybe, from the write-out. Well, never mind that. Now tell me, how much will you allow me for my suit there? Well, $6. $6? Your suit is all wool, maybe? Why, certainly it's all wool. Oh, that's bad. Well, wool is bad? Mr. Look, when the moths are hearing, I got here an all-wooled suit. One moth tells another. They're coming for a banquet. They're bringing their friends. Trudy Tuna got here a moth convention. A spray gun I got a buy. B-T-T I got a buy. All night long, I'm staying in spring. I'm not coming home. My wife's getting mad. She's packing her bags and going to Reno. She's getting to me at the door. What am I getting? Cuxody of the moth. I'm paying. Payments, I'm missing. To jail, I'm going. My business, I'm losing. I'm a bum. All because you are bringing in here an all-wooled suit. For heaven's sake, let's get out of here. Now, you understand everything, Father? Yeah. You're to sit on the bench here in the park until we walk past. Yeah. Then I'll notice how awful you look and I'll suggest to Mr. McKeever that you invite me to my own house. Exactly. Now, don't worry, darling. I'll try not to be too long. You see, Dad, I told you Mr. McKeever would invite to deliver with us. Everything's working out fine. Now, how did you like Jim? Well, I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm going up to my room. Oh, no, Dad. Mr. McKeever told you to wait here in the hall. He'll tell you where you can sleep later. Who's house is it? Now, sit down. What are all those clothes lines doing here? Is this my house or a laundry? Are those diapers? No, naturally. You see the baby. The baby, the baby. Come and get it, Mike. Come and get what? Oh, darling. Now, I told Mr. McKeever you were starving. Here we come, Mr. McKeever. Well, Mike, like I told you in the park, we can't have every bum in New York living here. But I suppose one more won't matter. Well, thank you. So just make yourself right at home. Yes, I'll try. That's a mighty nice lounging robe you're wearing there. Oh, yes. Yes, pure silk. I noticed the braid work on the cuffs. See, maybe I'll let you wear it sometime. Of course. I wouldn't think of depriving you that cigar smells pretty good, too. Well, I might let your smoke one after dinner. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Well, come sit down, Mike. Go ahead. Dig in. No, I'd better not. Don't you like baloney? All I want is milk and crackers. Milk and crackers? Oh, speaking of milk, truly, don't forget the baby's bottle. Oh, my goodness. It's way past his feeding time. Look at her run, Mike. Great little mother, isn't she? He is great. Now, what about my... Did you say mother? Baby? Oh, my goodness. Oh, what's the matter? Trudy! Trudy, wait a minute! Mike, where are you going? I'm going crazy. Trudy, wait a minute! Trudy! What's the matter with you, father? I'm trying to give the baby his bottle. Trudy, I simply have to talk with you. Just look at this angel. You know, he's got dimples exactly like yours. No, not Trudy. I'm going to try to be very, very calm. What's done is done. I consent to your marriage. Then you lost him. Oh, dad, I knew you. But just tell me one thing. How did all this happen? Well, I guess it happened in the icebox. He gave him control. It was cold, and Jim put his arm around me. Mr. McKeever was there, too. Mr. McKeever? He tried to send me away afterwards, but later he said I could stay. He's really very nice. Yes, he must be. You like Jim better, too, when you get to know him. Yeah, well, I doubt it. But if you're married, well, then you're married, and I... Dad, we're not married. You're not married? You're not married. I don't even know if he wants to marry. If he wants to... Oh, my goodness. What kind of a man is he? I'll kill him. I'll put him with my bare hands. Well, well, well. Meet Mike. Well, how do you do? And guess who do you think you are? How do you do? What's the matter with him? I wish I knew. You wish? Do you? Please calm down, Mike. Well, Alice, how was walking time? Oh, a madhouse. How did you enjoy playing nursemaid? Oh, hello, darling. Did you get along with someone? Oh, Alice, he's wonderful. I only wish he were mine. Wait a minute. Well? Whose baby is this? Is this your baby young woman? Well, my husband has a half-inch. You're baby. Pretty little thing, isn't he? You know, Mike, you wouldn't have to eat milk and crackers if you didn't have altars. And you wouldn't have altars if you watched that temper of yours. Any more suggestions? Oh, now look what you've done. Milk all over the tablecloth. I'm very sorry. Oh, you're terribly sloppy, Mike, aren't you? You'll have to be more arggly here. You can't stay. Under the circumstances, you'd better make your sleeping quarters in the servants' hall. Sam sleeps there, too. Sam? You mean there's someone else living here I haven't met? Sam is my dog. He barks at 7 a.m., so let him out of the yard, and I won't have to get up too early then. Are those orders? For a while, until you prove yourself a little more cooperative. Well, in that case, good night. Good night, Mike. How you doing, Mike? And you can mind your own business, too. Oh, brother, what a character. Well, Mike, you want to hear what happened in Washington? Go ahead, why do you tell him? Well, briefly, Mr. McKeever, the government is willing to sell Camp Kilton, but there's a catch. Yeah, there always is. They've already had an offer of $150,000. You know who's for them? The billionaire Michael J. O'Connor. What if he went with that property? Hasn't he got enough? Well, the thing for you to do, boys, is raise O'Connor's bed. Offer the government $160,000. We're going to get $160,000. There's no harm in making an offer if they accept it, and it's time to worry about where you're going to get the money. The essence of big business, gentlemen, is never put one worry ahead of another. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better take Sam for a walk. Operator! Operator! Operator, I was connected with... Hello, hello, hello, Farrell. Well, certainly this is Mr. O'Connor. No, no, I'm not kidnapped. No, I'm in town. In an icebox. Hey, babe. I can't tell you where. Now, listen, why are we at him? And tell him I'll take $6 million for that West Coast chain and not a cent less. Right. Now, is Philip's back from Washington? Well, why isn't he back? Well, all right. Tell him I'll call him sometime tomorrow. Meanwhile... Tomorrow the icebox, Mike. Yeah. Look at him, Jim. Do you insist on using the phone in the icebox, Mike? I suggest you wear an overcoat. Yes, sir. We know it's a great temptation, but you must simply learn to control it. Control what? Well, just playing it being a millionaire. We heard you. Just because you're living in a millionaire's house, don't let it get you. Maybe I am a millionaire. Oh, all right, Mike. You're a millionaire. And since you decided not to go to bed, you've got a million dishes to wash. Come on, this way, Mike. Dad, dad, are you awake? Kiss me, I'm awake. Oh, am I and where am I supposed to sleep? It's dad, of course. I can't. The dog is sleeping in the bed. He wanted to let me get near it. Washing ditches. A ballot to a dog. He barks at seven, and I have to take him for a promenade. And as for that Mr. McBeatle, who smokes my cigars and wears my best clothes and drinks my brandy, he's leaving this house in the morning. But, Dad, you... They all be out in 24 hours, or I'll have them locked up for vacancy and Christmasing. Oh, Dad. You heard me, 24 hours. Yes, a straight telegram, please. To Mrs. Mary O'Connor, Royal Palm Hotel, Palm Beach, Florida. Dear mother, please fly New York at once. We'll contact you at Waldorf Tower. Terribly urgent. Love, fruity. That's the whole story, mother. I wouldn't have sent for you, but I just didn't know what to do. Well, darling, I haven't seen your father in four years. But I think I know just how to cope with this situation. How? Your households would just have to make room for one more guest. Mother, you, why not? And don't worry, fruity. I won't give anything away. Oh, mother, you're an angel. I'll have to talk to you again. Mike, you know what have I done. You just came in the front door. Rule number one is never use that front door. Well, I forgot. Where did you get the key? Well, I found it this morning when I was scrubbing the floor. Well, come on. And there's a... I'll do no such... Here. Thank you. What's that I smell? That's what. I smell something cooking. Slum gullion. Slum gullion? Yeah, it's a kind of an Irish stew. As a matter of fact, it was on account of slum gullion that I fell in love. It must be quite a dish. Yeah, she certainly was. My wife. My wife made the finest slum gullion in New York. Mike, George, that is slum gullion. Yeah, it could be. We've got to cook now. Go and add in the kitchen and me there. Well, who cares about the cook? I want to meet that slum gullion. Slum gullion. Hey, Senator. Mary. Hello, Michael. Well, well... May I ask, what are you doing here? I'm here for the same reason you are. Tootie wanted me to meet Jim. Oh, and have you had that extreme pleasure? I have. And I found him to be everything Tootie said he was. Oh, indeed. You've taken on a little weight, haven't you? In the wrong places, I might add. It's these clothes. And you're no van Johnson yourself. I could remember when you had only two tins. Well, let me tell you, stop shushing me. We're going to dispose of this nonsense once and for all. Imagine our 18-year-old child wanting to marry this... You married me from our 17. And look what happened to us. Mary, I resent your being here. And Tootie belongs in school, and that's where she's going. Oh, Tootie is in love. And she wants to win you in the hard way, not with your money. Instead of admiring her for it, you're fighting her. Just as you've always bottled anyone, it wouldn't then be your stubbornness. You just haven't occurred to see this through. Oh, I haven't, huh? That's what I said. I can stick this out just as long as you can longer. Do you hear longer? This style has to see. And get away from that slum gullion before I pour it down your neck. Back three of it happened on Fifth Avenue. Calling Victor Moore, down to four Charlie Ruggles and Gail Storms. If you think the life of an average congressman in Washington is rather glamorous, consider the typical schedule of a present-day senator. He's up by seven o'clock. Skim the congressional record, read the Washington Post with breakfast. Eight o'clock, off to work. In route, he reads The New York Times and often dictates a letter or two before arriving at the office at 8.30. The Philadelphia Inquirer is waiting to be read along with testimony to be presented at committee hearings. Nine o'clock, staff meeting and discussions of forthcoming speeches. As many as three simultaneous committee meetings are often scheduled for 10 a.m., and our congressman will shuttle between them all. Lunch with reporters, constituents, or other congressmen. After lunch, maybe a short nap in his private office. Then to the Senate floor for a speech, some debate and the offering of amendments. Radio, TV, or other press interviews will last until 5 o'clock with paperwork and hometown politicians obligating him until 6.30. After an embassy dinner, there may be nothing more to do but to begin the new tomorrow. Back now to your producer, William Keely. Act three of it happened on Tiff Avenue, starting Victor Moore as McKeever, Don DeForest, Jim, Charlie Ruggles as O'Connor, and Gail Storm as Trudy. With Trudy's mother joining Mr. McKeever's household, it appears that the entire O'Connor family is once again residing in the O'Connor mansion. Now in the kitchen, Trudy stands helplessly by as her parents exchange a few affectionate remarks. I'll give you just three days, Mary O'Connor. Three days over these pots and pans and you'll be slinking back to Palm Beach so fast. No, I'll tell you a thing or two. You might as well realize right now that this house isn't big enough for the both of us. All right, plenty of leaving. Hey, hey. Hey, what goes on here? Oh, they've been having a little argument, Jim, but it's all over. Well, look, take it easy, Mike. You know good cooks are hard to find. Anything you want them to do, Mary? Yeah, they can peel these potatoes. Before I peel potatoes, I'll have your watch. I'll get a chair and sit down. Well, Trudy, Trudy, it's happened. Great news. Well, tell me, what? Well, Whitey and Hank got over 200 of the boys together and they're all raring to go. We're putting up an average of 500 bucks a piece. Jim, you'll be able to buy the property. And I just call on the Wheeler Construction Company. They may even put up the rest of the money we need. I'm going to see them again on Friday. And if we have any luck? Hello, hello, Farrell? Yeah, it's me. Listen, do we still own Wheeler Construction? Good. Now, a fellow named Jim Bullock has seen Wheeler on Friday. He has some half-baked idea about model houses or something. He's to get routine number six, you understand? Well, make sure Wheeler understands. Now, how are we doing in that Camp Kielsen deal? Well, why don't you know who's bidding against us? All right, all right. But I want that property. Oh, and if you need cash, transfer a couple of million from Chicago. Oh, Mike? I'll call you there. I'll call you again, Mike. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. McKeever. I just can't seem to break the habit. I know you have millions and millions of dollars hanging in the balance. But, Mike, you didn't make your bed this morning. I don't know because I've ever eaten you. You suppose I could have a little more, Mike? Well, pass your plate, Mike. What about your milk and cracker diet? Well, my stomach feels a lot better. Well, that proves what I've always believed. When a man's happy, he could eat nails. You know, I wonder if your comments were as happy in this house as we are. Well, from what I hear, they're the snarl of the uppest people in the world. Well, what makes you say that? Well, check, Mr. O'Connor. They tell me he's one of the worst tempered tyrants in the United States. Well, well. I understand Mrs. O'Connor's no bargain, either. It's time trying not to admit she's middle-aged. Well, suppose we talk about something else, hmm? Well, Mike, you have enough to eat? Oh, yes, yes, I feel fine. Sure, then there'll be no excuses. Excuses. Yeah, if we're going to work. You see, when I lived here alone, what I ate from Mr. O'Connor's large air was never missed. But now, well, we've got to start feeding ourselves. I figure you and I can get job-shoveling snow. Are you serious? Now, let me tell you something. Neither you nor any other man is going to make me do manual labor, and that's final. There's a shovel in the garage, Mike. I'll get it. Oh, I must admit, Mike, for a man who wasn't going to do manual labor, you're doing fine. Where have you been? Oh, I've been working hard. I've been lining up another job for you. The parking lot across the street. Now, listen, you. And now I'd like to do something else for you. I should help. I know. I'll see if I can find you a bigger shovel. Have a hard day. Oh, no, no, no. I just shoveled off half of Manhattan. That's all. Tell me, Jim. How did you make out with Wheeler Construction? Well, they turned down a housing proposition, but they did offer me a job. $12,000 a year in Bolivia. Yeah, well, when are you leaving? Are you kidding? Why would I want to go to Bolivia? Besides, I'd have to be single. Oh, well. Oh, now look, Mike. I couldn't leave Trudy. And all those sellers, why, they're counting on me. Jim, just what is this big idea you think so important? The government's selling Camp Kielsen and they're trying to buy it. Camp Kielsen? Well, what's wrong with that? Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing to do with it. We thought we could get a cheat, but some drip has bit us up to nearly $200,000. Oh, well. Tomorrow's another day. Yeah, well, don't remind me of it. I'll have to shovel snow again, eh? I'm going to find the liniment. All right, Michael. If you can shovel snow, I guess I can rub you back. Oh, thanks, Mary. Down a little further, Mary, will you? Oh, there. Ah, that's it, that's it. You remember, Mary, the first time you rubbed my back? I was a bricklayer then, wasn't I? Oh. We had lots of fun in those days, didn't we, Mary? Yes, you had lots of muscle. Yeah. Now look at you, flabby as an old scene. Oh, flabby. Oh, flabby. Mary, Mike, she's just rubbing my back. Mike, I must ask you to go to your room at once. Yeah, now just a minute, you. Go to your room. I'll talk to you in the morning, Mary. Good morning, Mr. McKeefer. Good morning, Mary. Good morning, Mike. I hope you don't think I was being a bit stuffy about last night. Only, you must remember, there are young people in the house. Oh, Mary was merely rubbing my back. Well, not that I'm opposed to a man and woman falling in love, but... Falling in love. You too. Well, I admit that you saw each other. Why not? It's never too late. Now you take Mike. He's nice enough for her, but what is he made of himself? Absolutely nothing. What you both need is responsibility. Whatever you do, don't end up like me. You know, if I were a younger man, I might be asking Mary to marry me. Well, think it over. You know, Mary, he's right. Is he, Michael? Why? Why do you think I've been hanging around here submitting to all this? Only because you're here, Mary. It's by Michael. You've changed. It's almost like old times again. And I'm going to change even more, Mary. I promise. Good evening, Michael. Have another hard day, Shuddling Snow. Oh, Mary, my back is broken. So are the hearts of 200 families. What are you talking about? What I read in the evening paper. Michael J. O'Connor adds Camp Kilson to Empire. You knew Jim and his friends were trying to get that property, didn't you? No. Well, yes, I did. But not until it was too late. Still not too late. What a nice Christmas present Camp Kilson would be for Jim and Trudy and the Red. Oh, Mary, that idea of theirs, it's nonsensical. It'll make an awful lot of people happy. You never could understand that business and sentiment bears. Oh, look, Mary, let's not even talk about it. Is Trudy home yet? She's out with Jim. What again? He has a lot to talk over with her. Not that you're interested. Oh, now, Mary. I was wrong, Michael. You haven't changed, and you never will. Never. You're nothing, Trudy. I'm not hungry. Want to dance? Hey, look, I know you're disappointed, but O'Connor's got Camp Kilson, and I've got to get a job. So I'll have to go to Bolivia. You must have decided in an awful hurry. Well, it's not forever, Trudy. Just a year or so. That's a long time, Jim. Okay, okay, then. Maybe you better not wait. Maybe I shouldn't. Well, just promise me when I'm going, you won't start breaking into people's houses again. Then what if I haven't? I might never have met you. You'd be better off. Would I? Maybe you're right. I know I'm right. Then you can go straight to Bolivia and stay there. You hear me? Stay there. I'm going to Bolivia, Mother. He's taking that job. Well, maybe it's all for the best, Trudy. Yes, of course it is. Trudy, did you say Wheeler Construction Company? Yes. And they want only single men? That's what Jim says. That's strange. In fact, it's ridiculous. I just remembered your father owns that company. Dad. Well, all right, all right. We'll forget about Bolivia. Michael, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I'm leaving here tomorrow. Trudy will be going with me. Yes. You'll have this whole house to yourself again. I hope you'll be very happy. I just can't understand it, Mike. I can't understand it. Don't tell me you were in the dumps, too, McGeebert. Jim going to Bolivia, Mary and Trudy leaving. Hank and Whitey looking for apartments again. You know, Mike, I think I'll spend the rest of the winter somewhere else. Well, why? What's wrong with this place? Well, since Jim and the boys lost their big chance, all the happiness that filled this old house is gone. It's like a morgue. I was looking over the old Guggenhaugh place this afternoon. The Guggenhaugh place? Why, that doesn't compare with this. Mike, a house, any house, is only what its occupants make it. Well, I think I'll make some coffee and eat a caviar sandwich. Hello, Jim. Hi, Max. Jim. Oh, Mike. Jim, you don't want to go to Bolivia. Why not? Well, perhaps if you had a talk with O'Connor, you wouldn't have to go to Bolivia. O'Connor? Yeah. Now, how are you going to talk to that old octopus if he can't even see him? Well, maybe you can see him. I have a friend who works in his office building. He's a janitor there, and believe it or not, O'Connor thinks an awful lot of old Charlie. Oh, now wait a minute, Mike. I hope you don't mind, Jim, but I asked Charlie to ask Mr. O'Connor to give you an appointment. And guess what? He'll see you in one hour. Mike, have you been playing million on the phone again? No, no, no. I know what I'm saying, Jim. Oh, don't pass up this chance. OK, Mike, OK. It won't be the first office I've been thrown out of. Hello? Hello, Farrell? Yeah, send my car from here right away. I'm coming to the office. No, no, no. Not to the house, you idiot. To the park. Yeah, and I'll be waiting in the park. All right. Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon. I know this is a silly question, but may I see Mr. Octopus? I mean Mr. O'Connor. My name's Mr. Bullock. Yes, Mr. Bullock, Mr. O'Connor's expecting you. His office is straight ahead. Take another wire to Anderson. I thought I told you to transfer the cash off that cash to our Paris account. Can I leave for five minutes without things going haywire? Send two million immediately. Mike, what in the name of... Sit down, Jim. I'm using the victim phone. Have a lawyer's phone San Francisco immediately. If those lumber contracts aren't signed tomorrow, the deal is off. Mike, do you not stop playing millionaire? Get away from O'Connor's desk. Then get cable to London. Canadian holdings for sale. Price is still 12 million. So long, Mike. I'm going to get a doctor. Oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon, sir. Here are the Camp Kilson papers, Mr. O'Connor. If you need me, I'll be in the outer office, sir. Did he say O'Connor? Oh, why not? That's my name. But he... Here, now, don't start popping questions. I haven't time. Jim, I'm transferring Camp Kilson to you and Hank and Wike. Here are the papers. But there's one thing you must do for me. Oh, right. Not one word of this must ever reach McKeeva. As far as he's concerned, I'm still just a panhandler. Is that clear? I think so. Yeah, you were right, Farrell. Bring in the water. He's painted. That's before, folks. But I think the occasion was the bottle of Mr. O'Connor's best champagne. Now, if everyone will please take a glass. This toast is to Mike. To Mike who saved the day. I'm glad I was able to be of service. And even though Mac here chooses to think of me as a drifter, a panhandler, and a man of little principle. Water under the bridge, Mike. Please try to forget that I ever said it. Mac, it's already forgotten. Well, it's too bad we have to leave here. But since Mr. O'Connor told Jim that he's coming back to his house, since I've already made arrangements at the Grugunoff mansion, that's it, y'all, for the best. Our paths may never cross again, but it's wonderful to know that you've all been my friends for to be without friends is a very serious form of poverty. Mac, look, truly and I are going to be married. Oh, that's fine. That's just fine. A double wedding, Mac. Mike and I are getting married, too. And what Jim means is that we're going to have plenty of room and you could stay with us. Oh, but Mike and I were hoping you'd come with us. Well, how about it, Mac? Well, thanks. Thanks to all of you, but you have your own lives to lead and I... Well, it's a little too late for me to change. Besides, I may decide to go down to Virginia. There's a lovely house in Bubbling Springs. It's Mr. O'Connor's place. When he comes back here, I usually go down there. What are you all in the morning? I'd better take a walk with Sam. Hey, Mac. Hey, Mac, where you going? Through the patch here, Jim. Same way I came in. Well, I guess we'd all better leave that way, huh? Well, perhaps we shouldn't all leave at once. Jim, Trudy, you go first. Goodbye, Mr. McKeever. Goodbye, dear. I hope you'll be very happy. Thank you. Mac, I'll never forget you. Good luck. Thank you, Jim. My, their nice couple aren't they, Mary? Oh, my God. I nearly forgot. Mike, in case you have no place to spend your honeymoon, here are the keys to the Vandivert mansion. They're in Europe. Well, thanks, Mac. Thanks. Mary, if he doesn't treat you right, you come back and report to me. I'll be here again next November 3rd. That's a date, Mac. Well, goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Mike. Come on, Sam. That's a good old dog. Come on, we'll be all our way. Come on, Sam. You know, Mary, there are richer men than I. Michael. Mary, remind me to nail up the board in this fence, will you? Next November, he's coming through the front door. Goodbye. We leave Aloysius T. McKeever to solve the housing shortage in his own inimitable way and turn our attention to the tonight's stars as they are in real life. Victor Moore, Don DeFore, Charlie Ruggles and Gale Storm. You know, I didn't see you four at the premiere. Oh, we were there, Bill, but we may have been a little late. You see, Bill, we all rode to the premiere in one of those displaced Fifth Avenue buses that you mentioned earlier. And something went wrong? Well, the way it was coughing and wheezing, I think the climate must have gotten. Besides, you could tell it wasn't used to California traffic. How so, Gale? It stopped for pedestrian. And then, when it saw a sign pointing to Riverside Drive, it turned around and went looking for Grant Jones. But we finally figured out what was the matter. We were on the upper deck. And? No driver up there. Good night. Good night. And thanks to another four stars. This is William Keely saying good night to you from Hollywood. This is the American Forces Radio and Television Service.