 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm your host Jonathan as they have Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic Why do men act so wishy-washy wishy-washy? when dating um Really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content I shoot about four videos a week. All right, let's talk about why men are so wishy-washy. I don't get it Why are they so wishy-washy? This is actually a very serious conversation, so I've been a little bit ingest, but not bad and I Want to dig a little bit deeper into what causes someone to act hot and cold in and out that sort of thing and I do believe that one of the number one causes is that life gets in the way of the pursuit of love life gets in the way of the pursuit of love and I'm going to share a very dramatic Illustration of this and it's going to be something very personal and for most of you who have been following me for a little while You know, I lost my 19 year old son Connor to an accident in the summer of 2018 oh Excuse me for a second and While I'm going through this experience in my life of mourning my child I didn't date, you know, like the day after he passed away but months later I put myself back out there because I have been single for a little while and Um, and I and I'd like to have a mate in my life I genuinely like to have a life partner just like my mom and dad that's a picture of my mom and dad who were married 66 years before my mother passed away and What I experienced though is a roller coaster of emotions That were centered around Predominantly losing my son. So while I was actively putting myself out there I also found myself kind of on this emotional roller coaster and I was acting hot and cold and back and forth and And you know, well, some people might say well, you may not be ready for a relationship in my heart of hearts I want a life partner It's the date it's the challenge of dating. It's the challenge of getting to know another human being That is difficult when life Gets in the way of all this and it's not just the loss of my son or something that's happened in your life Maybe a loss of a child might be COVID going on. It might be It might be work related issues It might be elderly parents It might be health issues going on in one's life when when stuff is going on in one's life It can make it kind of challenging to be fully present To approach the dating process and I know you've been so conditioned to hear that when a man knows what he wants And he goes after what it wants everything else stops in his world and he's single focused on you Well, that sounds great in theory sure, but the reality is is I mean unless we're chasing sex You know, which we are very highly focused on that Man like necessarily highly focused on being I want a relationship I want a relationship from a fantasy perspective now I certainly want a life mate and I'm very present to that But I'm also aware that my emotions can be rocky at times and it might seem wishy-washy Does that make me a bad guy? Does that make other men bad men? Does that make you a bad person because you might have stuff going on in your life? No, it's part of the process and This is why if you're not familiar with the book by Barbara DeAngelis called are you the one for me? Are you the one for me? This is a great book to really learn how to assess who's really a right partner for you and They asked those deeper questions related to what's going on in one's life because that's a fundamental principle of vetting a person is to get a sense of where their life is at and I'm very upfront with women I say that either at times when I can act emotional because I'm mourning still mourning the loss of my job But I'm upfront and I'm aware of that not everybody is up front This is why you got to get a picture of what their life looks like to get a sense of how stable is the ground underneath him How strong is his foundation in life and if his foundation is weak from a Practical sense what's going to make it challenging to fully invest in a relationship and God forbid the foundation of his self Love is weak. Well, that's very problematic And if you're not familiar with my book and I always pitch it on every video what the heck is self love anyway by Jonathan Asley That's my book. The link is there below self-love the book I Talked about this on multiple videos a man can't fully be present to a relationship if he's not at least Loving on himself a little bit a little bit Not like this never do this in front of a guy, but a little bit I'm not expecting men to love themselves this way. I'm not expecting you to love yourself this way But loving on yourself a little bit making that effort that that daily Investment of personal development self-help and spiritual work Because how can we really truly be partners with one another if we're not at least on a journey of loving on ourselves? Loving on ourselves when we're loving on ourselves. We're not as wishy-washy in our lives and That's my invitation for you in your own personal life and to be mindful to pay attention how a man shows up and Recognize that there sometimes are very valid reasons why he might seem hot and cold that have nothing to do with you Oftentimes it's always pointing the finger a lot of coaching is pointing the finger at women And I'm here to say we got to point the finger at the individual And I mean by point the finger is at least understand their perspective Understand their perspective because when we can understand we can predict behavior and we can predict behavior We can make better choices and that's what this is all about how to make better choices. Oh my god I'm so parental when I teach. I'm yelling because it's a wake-up call I want to invite you to make better choices in your life And that's what my channel is all about when you understand you can predict. I mean you can predict you make better choices Okay, you got it All right, you might have something to say Please do come post a comment below if you have a question for me on this I do my best to read all the questions. I try to respond to some or certainly you can go to my private group Midlife Love Mastery to join my VIP group. The link is below So you can ask me direct questions on a regular basis. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video As I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic hug of self-love I'm gonna reach into the cyber screen and give you a gigantic hug of love I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And we can use a lot more love in our lives. Thank you so much and wishing you a fabulous day Bye-bye now