 Y254 Imagine So we've touched on a few things, we've touched on how to form friendships, how to start, how to tell friends apart. And then before we went on the break, we were talking about people who baby wata kuzoku lize for help and when you can't they start being haters. So there's also the aspect of friends who turn into haters, which we'll touch on. But Beryl was just sharing something important. She's talking about the yukwachi yia friendship because so many of us are sentimental. So she's talking about the yukwachi yia friendship because so many of us are sentimental. So she's talking about the yukwachi yia friendship because so many of us are sentimental. So she's talking about the yukwachi yia friendship because so many of us are primaries. But you've outgrown the friendship, so how do you let go? So Beryl, just share what you were telling us and then maybe we can get it from the expert to how we can deal with that. Okay, I think basically when I started to realize this is a problem, when I got pregnant with my girl, what were you put here? Like people, you remember when you tell your friends, guys I'm pregnant, we'll be there for you, we'll stand with you, we'll work with you. And then I got vanished. I was like, where? And then when I came back, okay to myself I used to tell myself, I have a problem with letting go. I think that is one of my weaknesses. Kwa shilia took it to. Mi na kwa ngawantun. Na se mangani mi invest manzei. Lazi ma tunish hile. So I think I used to be like no. Maybe they didn't have the time because now to me grow, now people are working, some are working on their careers. So I used to have that problem because everybody, I feel like my squad vanished. To a point where by someone realize this and adia na kwa mbia. Ono jo nanga marafiki wa lienda. So you know when it came to that, when it came back from my hours, I was like, where did these people go? So I started looking. Mi mi mwenyewe personally. Nili anza kwa tafta. I am with yenda maali. But I have been through Tikanthin. You know at that point I used to feel like through Tikanthin was zile mashere. Labda ulpwa heartbreaker was there. Labda mzazi wa mkwa. So I used to feel like those were the Tikanthins they too. So I know I am not the only person struggling with this but kwa chilia friendship. Mi kwa chilia anything. I feel like anything ni mi anza kwa chilia. It's both positive and negative but how do we let go of friendship? I am pretty sure she is not the only one. So many people are very sentimental. Una chilia je friendships and you have really outgrown it. Ama usha realize unim tum fake. How do you let go? Number one thing you have to realize is that ulpwa mwenyewe ziko let go. Or maybe you have been having friends na wakahepa. Na you feel like hapana. Maybe you even take a step forward una adiwa una ta futa. Number one this person is experience in loss. Number two the indinayo. And number three they need to be ready to grow. And one thing about friendship we always have to grow as some friends. Mara fikiwa ingina tuli anza na wakitambwe manishi tutakwa. Let me use a good example. I used to have a friend back in the days 2018 na wuka. And this friend of mine. Aka kuja, aka boom, aka pata pesa, aka pata fei. Aka kuja tuwa pointa kuku juu kabisa. Na that friend few was like after like two years later. Ma three years na kama ta futa. I texted them. Ma kani ambia. Tu kawangia kidogo. Salamo then na kani ambia. Kamuliza what happened, what happened to our friendship before. Kani ambia. Anthony let me ask you a good question. If you used to work in a bank. If you used to work in an empire and you get promoted to work in a bank. Will you still keep the friendship you had in your empire? Work place. It depends. It depends. You might but you know this now is another environment you are in. It's a bank area so meaning you have to be ready to make new friends. You don't live in denial of the friends you had. So I think the only solution to that is number one. Learning how to accept. And learning how to accept is now the hardest part of it. But one year another you have to just learn to and time heals things. The same thing with stages of loss. There is denial. There is anger. There is bargaining. There is depression. There is acceptance. Most people have to go through all that. It's the same. You are lost. You come at two loss or any other kind of loss. So the first step of it is denial. So maybe you not being able to let go is maybe because you are in denial. So the second step is that these friends who are there with me and who live in a relationship kazuri and they know what really happened. So you are in denial. You are not ready to accept what happened. The other thing maybe you feel unaji kasi rikia. Amono kasi rikia. And the other thing you bagain. Bagain comes in. I am talking now about the stages of loss. Bagain now comes in in terms of now you bagain even if it's cold. Now it's a mungu. So you can let it at a moja at least. Now you can let it at a moja and to make sure you keep your relationship and your friendship you can have. And depression comes in here. By now you feel stressed. You are sad. You are emotional. You even like sleep. You like appetite. And now the last stage is acceptance. So one thing you need to just realize is you are in denial and once you know you are in denial now work towards accepting. Acceptance, lonely. And I think maybe we can also highlight when you've outgrown. Yes. Because on a jo labda who are in persapia and are grown at the same pace as you. Because there are people who are not growing at the same pace as you. And kamao yo to seme labda me fika po alafu maturiti ya ke mind said his perspective of things has changed. They've shifted. And maybe timeline equivalent. Because we need to also understand that. So if the timeline is different accept. Exactly. Go through the process of grief but then accept and move. So very little says it to me to me accept namesha imesonga. Tu ko apu, tu ko apu. Because of that we have the aspect of people who become haters. Friends who probably you got to a point and you realized I've really outgrown the situation. Amu kwa namtunim toxic because there are those people who genuinely you know this is not my genuine friend. Umi akofek behind my back they'd stab me immediately. Then they turn to haters because you left them. They feel like Uya linia chatu alafu they keep talking you. They throw shade because they feel like they used to know you and they're holding on to that idea of who you are. Beryl have you experienced that from people who maybe uli kwa marafikina wukitambu alafu they thought mashaime ime kuhambu then God akasema no this is still my girl. So people who became haters because your friendship ended. Have you experienced that personally? I've not had it direct but I feel like I know it. One thing about me feel like I know it but I just could direct push I don't know is it because of my attitude or just my personality someone feels like I'm a very approachable person but when it comes to some things direct I would tell you no. So I feel like I've had it but it's na kujama to zile statements na zile zina rushuangatu so you pick it whether you like it I feel like there's a statement that really hit me at some point. So when I joined Compass there's this statement that used to go around o tango join university o tango join campus tango join campus then I became pregnant and then like oh ziluri so uli ritu area uuganda nuta ya nuta ruidi then I've gone back and I'm like oh tango ruidi campus so I feel like there's that hater that comes with when you get to some point in life and whatever Anthony has talked about I think most of us don't understand that it teaches a point that you have to grow. Because when I go to campus I'll have to get new friends when I was in Compass the first time the same friends that I had there then and now they're totally different. So we get to meet new people daily but now that is the problem just the same as you said acceptance kukubali chum tu alia uuganda na kwa shida because I'm like ah kuzina jirenka oh no tango pachi job tango nene let me tell you something and this I'm addressing those I've had a lot of friends who have really had issues with hate kwanza on social media you have been friends with someone that may or may not grow sasa wana hate based on where your level has reached na kumbe wumianza maringo jutua ukuwa na mesejiha on time will reclile it ti sasa wumianza kuri inga na maybe you go too busy kumechoka excuse you go busy sana chetuna time here too so let me tell you something about hate let me just repeat as I add kido go what I just say or what I'm supposed to say don't ever dwell on the haters let me tell you one thing about haters whether you do good they will always hate and whether you do bad at the end of the day their work is to hate I think they are fully employed full time employers of hate and don't ever care about them the way I said it focus on those you love or people who love you those who love you are those who bring you that positive or that good of good energy don't focus on those who hate on you kus the moment you focus on those who hate on you you will lose even these people who love you so usi wa i focus na mahitas hate is what I hate whether you do this whether you do right whether you do good whether you do what and what they will always hate awa so ukusubwa adisaso na kata kungara amo na kata kufanya kenyuna fanya kusaba bumbu yema hita wata ongaya waka fanya waki head nisha uriawa wanya wana kupenda wana juwa wana ku juwa mali umetoka nwa wataku sabot that's very important because na jusangine if people fixate on that as opposed to the love 100 people can compliment you mu tu maja semen wana kaji So, we really need to change our mindset, focus on the love as opposed to the hate because honestly, if you don't have the haters, then you're doing something wrong. They say that, if you don't have enemies, if you don't have people who are competing against you, you're doing something wrong. So, I just want to pull up the comments. Timoti, if those are ready, don't want to know what you're saying. Thank you so much. This is Facebook, so let me read some of them. Outsiders says, nowadays, ni had hua tofa utisha, unless shida ikutuange proper noong tajiwa the true one. And that's also a very important perspective because we're trying to find out who is a true friend and who is a fake friend. Stone Cold Ken Otees says, Sherry looking for a few things. Anyone that you don't know online, personally like me, is a fake friend. But when you meet me and know what I am about, then you become true friend. It's that simple regarding this topic. That's also true. Because so many people form friendships online, na hawa juyum tu personally. Albi Katoliki Salano says, vihigama go center, tuned in. Thank you so much for watching us. Ali Kings Jeshi says, a true friend is there, is they usually help when one is in a certain problem, but a fake one is causing problems always. That's true. A true friend will be there to help you always. Mutum fake ata leta mashida. Krista Lionel says, Gidurai 44 locked. Thank you so much. Glenn Blim says watching, thank you for watching us. Fredrick Kiruri says, you don't differentiate. But how don't you differentiate, Fredrick? Utajuwa je kuza sa ita kuakilam tu. Deno and Sururu says, a true friend is just a person who cares about you and will be with you at any time. Be it time of sorrow or happiness, but just fake friends is the kind of a thing like a parasite who is only attracted to your property or belonging. That's true. And that sums up what Anthony was saying to begin with. GTKE says, live from Bungoma North Vocational Training College. Thank you so much for watching us. Kinyua Jaepoil says, embu, massive tuko locked in. Thank you so much. Julius Murega says, pamoja sana asanti Julius ku tu watch. Babi Bahati says, I think in every person we mingul in any kind of relationship, there's always a red flag. It's just your honesty and love for the friendship that makes you ignore. And some people ignore the red flags. Una pujakush tuka in future. China boy says, everybody appears true until you go broke. That's true. I like the comments. Thank you so much for watching us from all over the country. We really appreciate it. I love the comments because we've gotten people who are echoing what we are saying. But most people are saying that which was leading me to the next point of the conversation. Do you really have to go through problems? Or do you have to test your friendships? Is it important for you to test your friendships? Beryl, what will you say right now after what you've experienced? Do you test the friends that you're with? Testing your friends is risky. But if you're ready for whatever precautions that will come about. So if you're ready, you know what you're trying to attest. If they're true friends, if it's not, it's bad. If you're okay with it, then do it. But if you're not ready, please. Shikili atu raya kwa apu. But I've noticed that topic. Something someone has said that you know your true friends when you go broke or when there's something wrong. And I feel like you have friends who are disguised. They're haters, they're just there to pick. Ila tu. Tu na nita nga zi? What are your followers? Cebabolis. Leave alone Cebabolis. Kuna tu na nitu kumisha ako, ya nia nga liya tu progressia kumifika wapi. Paparazia. Ya. What are you trying to monitor in spirit quiz? CCTV is bad. People are just monitoring your lives. I call them CCTVs. And I feel like whatever one of the guys of said online it is very hard kwa jua. Who is it? I want Anthony to kind of tell us how do you differentiate? Because they're not flagged up, they are true. But we ignore them because I'm like ay apana lamda ni itu ile tu dem ama nitu ile the human nature. Kwa ni upiti e shida dojo ni rafkia because the way Barbie has said there's always a red flag. And that's true because everyone kuna yo kakitu ta sema I don't like this about this person. And you may ignore it because maybe you have more things in common. Maybe you share some interest. But your red flag that can lead you to find out that this is a fake person. How can you really focus on it? Because sometimes we want to be delusional to say me mi estakiku jua. How do we combat that? Nalazima to test friendship. Zetu ndo tu jua. Okay. Well, I think I'll just say this. I don't think it's necessary for you to test a friend. We'll just eventually know who the friend is. But the problem is one thing I feel like tuna fokasingi on the big perspective of now seeing whether they are true or not. Nasa zingine, oneeza kuna rafikia ako. So for example, she is my friend and I know she is my friend best one because she's consistent, the positivity and I'm vulnerable, you know, such kind of things. And I ask her, hi, Beryl, would you assist me maybe with a thousand bob? I'll refund you. And you tell me at the moment I don't have. So many say me, hi, koni on rafikia wina gani. Sasa wu say me, sasa wewa ni fake friend. Do you? Honestly, I say matu hana. That is not how you distinguish what you say when you fake friend jua miku nima ma jua me kata. Haima nishi hati. Nasa kwa ni genuine hana. Na ufayati kuku ushinda wuki say matia. Pana uiwa mini nima wu ni fake friend. Hapa hana. So another thing, don't test, usip test ma rafikia ako. Naku na haji, uta jua haji, communication ana communicate haji. Ka ma, umtusiseni wuna, lemi just tell you this, afrendizu usapus communicate everyday. Yeah, kus that is also, I was going to that because, no, this was very mentioned something like that. Of kamudzani, pigia in a week. Because like, mbonu za pigia, but genuine yuku na utu ako busy. Ama upatem tu mone ameshikana kabisa, then ana eza kwa na intention na kuku pigia asa hau. So, iyo nukitunye piya to clarify here, is it necessary for them to constantly, constantly communicate with you? No, lemi just say this, communication is very good. It's very important and very vital in every kind of relationship because friendship is part of a relationship. But also, communication na ifa yuku ma anisha, ati wana ni pigia, kila siku, kila time, ati kwa zami o friend, after every five minutes, after every one hour, hi. Friendship in terms of communication happens in this way. Say for example, you were in Canada, or you were in USA and I'm in Kenya. Time is different. Sure. But another thing wana fawa understand, we are also working towards our goal to achieve what we want to achieve in life and as much as we are busy, we want to work on some few things here and there. Haima nisha ati sasa tukose kunini, tukosa kumuniket timing yuku available. Not after three weeks, but at least ati in a day or in a week, communicate thrice. Haima nisha juja communicate thrice in a week or in a week or in a week or two. Because at the end of the day, let's not focus on just friend, friend. Yes, we need friends in our life, but remember at the end of the day, you need you. You need to build yourself in terms of your career, your goals, your future and everything. So communicate ati kama nima rata tukoviki. Tiga simu. Tila zima ati kila sasa every hour. Hi, my friend. Sasa besti. No, we are busy man when we are adults. And then I feel like banyu tunasema, ok, you know your true friend. You just get to a point na realize uu ni rafiki. Nahu yu apana kidogo siizi rely on them. So this is this, another thing, talking of friendship. I said, tiju kama iipatu tuongelile, but the problem is this and this issue comes in here. She is my friend and we were friends since kitambo. Then I'm elevate. Nimi anza sasa kukua influence, tamakukua, kufilfi baya juwame gro. Yeah, yeah. Ina anza kuni diminish ati sasa. Bona, alafu anza sasa kuna naringa juwame elevate. Ina kua competition. You see? You compete with your friend. And you cannot be the same. Times only different. Just because burialame fika ma liena fago fika. Aya manisha uta fika, uta fika lakini taimi ya kungoje. Be patient. So don't start comparing yourself ama una compete na burial. Adi sasa burialame na nuwa gari. Mimi kiesho piendan nuwa ii gari. Sasa burialame vahivi designer clothes. Tamora I'm going to buy a designer perfume. You know, that's bad for friendship. Friendship means kua ready kua accept. Kama burialame gro. Appreciate her. Congratulate her. Wait for your time. Piawe uta kungo congratulated. Siku kumpia na kwanza kuhu kushinda ume compete na e. Una jadata also breeds jealousy. So burialame kwa madem kwanza particular madem tukiko to honest. I know there might be some guys who may pitch alas at e gariako si junyumba ume you're making money. But men don't usually have these issues done. I told you no complicated. Ya men are simple. I feel like muna kwa mabraze kwa like three months at wujui junyumba. I don't know what friendship kwa kitu yote. Senior, alakuzei born cc every small thing kina kwangaka issue. So ladies experience that a lot. Even with social media. Unangali ume una compete na ume nyata wujui. You've never met ume a kujui. Amze kutana at e view ujai muwan na na macho yako. But how do you deal with that? The minute you realize rafiako ako in competition with you. Una fi ama the minute you na realize kuno rafiangwa na do better and I'm feeling some type of way. How do you personally unaji saigiazin do kwe like no, let me celebrate her wins and then I will get there in time. I feel like I've heard it once. I've heard it and it took me long to realize that club for others your time is coming because I felt I could pass through so much and aka ingia shulem beliangu and now you feel like everybody maybe na nili patanga job. Beliangu na nga campus yana workplace flani and you're like dea maishemi kuchapa and I'm like kwa ni mindi ko siya wapiku ura fiki? Why is he or she not a friend kuni pigeru lize beliiluku api beli kuna kituflani meto kia there's something that you can do you feel you see kuna bituzina putia and if I can just go back to whatever Anthony had said yo mamba consistency one thing I know about friendship mi ni ki say I look at my friend I give them my life span of one week it's because I know my friends najiwa how tight your schedule is I know at what time if I want to talk to somebody I have friends outside the country so if I want to talk to you najiwa nga umini ya chana umini ya wawia mi am that type of friend nimi kubali kwa mkatri kuku figia kujiri ya waku aji kuku nende le aji utani text nili kwa busy labda I got a held up somewhere I'll reply to you I just want at least kuku apu so you see yo mamba hitting on friends mi ki tuiko it's something that is there and I think at some point everybody of us am epitiya kuna tu eniwe ya liniya chya stages in life liniya chya but you have to accept anga liya ali niya chawapia pa she found this and they couldn't get it so what do I do you just accept mimi ya ngutaku jen another way you know Lisa mi ya used to ask bide uko because I'm a media and I'm a media student so I was like bide uko tu onofu nishiwa nini kuna ni ni uko una so so there's a difference between an anga and a host there's a try to kulizia if you have an interest in the same direction kamae once you come by gari I mean no Alexa's you're like so kanda Alexa's getting a kaiwe I feel like we need to appreciate in such a way to not bring out the hate just show interest and come away to me leave it atu kulizin do tukushi in there to appreciate at least the steps you took do kafika uko that's how we that's how we build friendship if you used to read books na mbe beri lamka subu isoma books badila kushinda on Snapchat Tik Tok chikua 10 minutes read a book learn something that is a little bit see so that's true friendship that's true iyo ni mwenye anaku sa idea kukuinua na mwenye ako chinia na ku celebrate because either way timeline mwenye tu nasemani different you have to encourage someone in that timeline unam celebrate in that timeline when your time comes you'll expect to be celebrated otherwise tu nasemani atu ni maheta na mwenye uta kumisa u labda u li kwa heta at some point so I also want to touch on male and female friendships kusuna jasa sa beri lali ali nanshet something kusama iyo ni relationship but then we have people who genuinely they're friends as male and female labda me tokambali na bondova maybe something besi besi besi besi besi na mwenye na mwenye geni I'm not even calling it I'm not even talking about besi besi I'm not even talking about someone who's like a me friend zoni waa genuine male and female friendships because you know sangi ne kuna kumanga na iyo ati ati madem na mubo ezi kwa mabeshte Anthony is that really true and if you're friends with a lady kasa sa mkusili am zuli sa actually KT is the theory kasa sa chance me a man and a woman is okay to be friends but it depends which kind of friendship you have because well you know there can be million kinds of friendship between men and women neza kwa ni ubeshte a pesa neza kwa ni ubeshte iyo in geni so it depends another thing touching on relationship I cannot accept my woman or my girl to be having a best friend with a guy why yo why I'm supposed to be the best friend exactly what do you mean we have started as friends because that is how relationship builds so why then should you entertain another man if I'm your best actually relationship should be kule demiango I'm your best friend but not another man but the issue is nini ma dem kama wewend yu demiango alafsasa ne kupate u kuna rafiki nini nini nini nini nini nini nini nini sasa it's okay I'm not saying but set boundaries yeah which is important ata in that genuine male and female friendship boundaries should be because without boundaries oneeza kujanga sleepover maramingis she farangre ita kuliwa burial to be a perspective yako do you think you can have a friendship with a guy wouldn't it be a friendship ama ita kua tako besti besti I feel like I have friendship with male the male gender nikuna ma guy nima riftu nimi mehiste nimi tureza pigen mama e manzele o siku me kwa tuma kwa shoulder to lean on that's sure ama na try kuseba haji I'm not sure I'm not sure that's really I feel like it depends village to my summer we have financial friends we have tini I feel I have some kata na live stream na live stream kata I have friends who are male but I feel like our friends are limited and I feel like we both understand the boundaries there's a line I don't curse me wambia my male friends and I think if you're my friend you know ake past nine unless an emergency don't call me there's some boundaries you set as for me I have said me past nine if you understand we'll keep a line we will do it my male friends we will do it no I don't the same thing I expect from you is the same thing that I expect to do so if I go out and say hey you... you you say can I come over can I come over I don't come over can I come over I feel like can we come over let's talk about it can we come over to listen to him we will come we will come I know. I know. I know. I know. Sasa to give back to our question, so how do we maintain and sustain our friendships? How do we do that? Anthony, how do we do that? according to your friendship positivity, sticky na vulnerability most importantly consistency make time for your friend this is what I am going to do every single hour but at least three times or two times a week it's ok so be consistent and also show vulnerability say your vulnerability zikore di ku reveal who I am inside and just tell you what is really happening. So that is how you maintain and sustain our friendship. Another thing is do not ever mix friendship with love. Yes. Kiften subrat, that's important. Yes. So very aside from ya kwa sabupi ya wama kwa communication umesema, that's one thing that you've been doing more consistently since you went through your experience. What else are you doing to help maintain and sustain your friendships? Just in case to say mavenya, to me give example, one is growing at a different rate from you. How do you ensure that regardless of the situation, badum na maintain relationship in you? I think one thing that I do is always show up, always show up. Regardless the time, regardless the distance you guys have, always show up. Always check up on each other. May I always sell my friend, may I always pray for you. I think they know, na umbe hanga. Just give someone something special. Maybe in as much as I took on 247, I'm always there for you. So always show up. It's not a must that you be there for me financially, but just show up as my friend. It really matters a lot. Because at times you just need someone just to, you just pick the phone and cry. Ya na kuzo kwa saba? Na cut. Just show up, any situation. No matter where you are, for me just show up. Always be there. And you see that's very powerful because with the formula that you've given us, if you're positive you're consistent, you have vulnerability, then it's so easy for you to show up and be like, I know her. She is my friend. So every time, brings us back to what you were saying. At the very beginning, if you call at 3 a.m. and you're crying, and it's kama nipal na fika, I can get there, I should make the effort. Because I know that you're genuinely going through something. You're not, it's out of your character to call at 3, So that is, it's very important. You may sum up, you may bring back to the introduction. So Timoti, we have a few more comments. You can pull that up before we wrap the show up. But friendships, it takes a lot. But I like the way your formula really summarized it. So this is still Facebook, I believe. Spiceboy says, wow, you both look amazing. Thank you. Pashaifik says, a true friend sticks on his lane as a friend. Yeah, that's true because that shows respect. MRB, boy KES says, negative mind is a key to depression. Let's all stay positive. That's very good. I think that is a good note to even finish the conversation on. So I think that's it for today. We've had a very interesting conversation. And I hope you've gotten something from this. If you haven't, just be consistent in your friendship and show up for your friendships. Whatever you expect from them is what you should be willing to offer. That is it for today. Thank you so much for sticking to Y254 TV. This has been The Power Talk Show. A repeat of this show will air tomorrow between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. and we'll also have this on YouTube. So tune in again next week. We'll have another interesting conversation for you. Thank you so much and have a lovely evening. Imagine.