 Today, we're gonna talk about the men who are a keeper and we're gonna talk about the five signs he might be the one. I think the problem with many of those of you who are out in the dating realm, it's hard to tell the difference between the men who are gonna use you or waste your time or those men that you should actually invest in you. So we'll talk about some signs you can pay attention to in the early stages of dating or in the relationship period, that three month window to really pay attention if he's a keeper or not. Before I get into it, I wanna dive into something really quickly. This relates to the golden bachelor, okay? If any of you have been watching the show, it's coming to its conclusion and the gentleman Gary is a man who grew up in the Midwest. He's a 72 year old widower who is looking for love in this format called the golden bachelor. And I believe it started with 22 women and now it's down to the final two by the time you're watching this, okay? Or at least by the time this is being recorded, excuse me. Why am I bringing him up? Because he represents the type of man who might be a keeper. He represents what's known as the wholesome man. Now many here in the United States gravitate towards people that are from the Midwest, okay? There's something that I believe he's from Indiana and there's something about people from the Midwest that are wholesome. Now I'll be candid with you. I take a little, I take a little on bridge to that being that I live in Southern California. I'd like to think I have, I don't know if I'm wholesome per se but I'd like to think I'm a good catch. I'd like to think I'm a keeper and whether you live in New York, Dallas, Miami, Seattle, I'm discovering the four points or anywhere in between, I think wholesome men exist. In fact, I think the real challenge for many women is to find this wholesome guy who could be a keeper. I recognize it's difficult and I think we have to understand that in the dating market pool today, unlike Gary who's a widower, I would say for those that are over 45 years old, roughly 75% of singles who are in the dating marketplace are divorced and yes, as we age that number begins to change to some who are widowers or widowed, some that have been never married, but for the most part we're swimming in a sea of divorced people. Why is this so important to understand? Because divorce comes with it a very traumatic experience that can wear on a person's wholesomeness, okay? It can wear on their wholesomeness because I think most men and women are good people. I've often said this on my channel. Most men are good guys, they're just bad daters, okay? We just have people that are bad at the dating process. But at the same time, we are also swimming in the sea of emotionally wounded people that have gone unhealed in their life for their childhood wounds and traumas and their adult traumas and let's just be clear. Divorce is an adult trauma. You know, it carries with it a lot of weight that might cause someone not to show up as a keeper in a relationship. And so right now we're gonna talk about the first and probably the most important thing in my five signs, he might be the one, and by the way, I could have come up with 10, so let's just stick with these five for right now. But what's most important, I believe you have to ascertain, is his emotional maturity, his level of emotional maturity. Ladies, this is more, you know, we have our current dating system, hyper-focuses on attraction and romance as the entry point, as the entry point, please forgive that, the entry point into relationship. There's such a hyper-focus on that, that it deceives us from who might actually be emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy happy relationship. One of the reasons why I created my private coaching, by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link below as well. Why I created it is because it's so important to practice what I'm about to share with you and that is intentionality. Intentionality and intentionality is really to ascertain is this person aligned with you through a process I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, okay? Now, by doing so, you can ascertain someone's emotional maturity through deeper questions than the surface. I know many of you are hyper-focused on the attraction priest, so it's all about, oh my God, you make me feel so good, you're so wonderful, oh my God, you're unlike any woman I've ever met, oh my God, I could see us getting married, I could see us traveling together. All this rhetoric about how he's feeling about you is usually from the result of lust or limerence, lust or limerence and lust is simply I wanna have sex with you and limerence is extreme infatuation. So how do we circumvent this? This being by getting sucked in by people that can use us or waste our time. So I recently purchased something, I'm gonna share it with everybody today, I'm not a sponsor for this, although I did write them and asked them to be a sponsor, it's called the Intimacy Cards by Best Self Company, okay? I got this on Amazon, okay? There's a link below to my shopping card if you wanna check it out, okay? So what these are are cards with pre-written questions on it that you may want to explore in the early stages of dating. Now what I mean early stages, I don't mean the first, second or third date, but if two people are exploring a relationship together, they're exploring getting to know one another and they're on the track for physical intimacy, wouldn't it make sense to create some emotional intimacy? See, intimacy means into me you see and to ascertain someone's emotional maturity usually happens when we ask deeper questions in the early stages. So again, I'm gonna pull up a couple cards right now for fun and I thought we would discuss this today. So let's pick out a couple of the first cards in the batch, okay? I'm just gonna pull them out right here, okay? It's called Best Self Company and the first question is on a scale from one to 10, how messy are you to live with? How messy are you to live with? So everyone, I want you to write down what number you would be on this scale from a scale from one to 10, how messy are you to live with? Now I'm gonna assume 10 is extremely messy. Now I'm gonna pick myself, I'm gonna say I'm probably a four, I tend to clean up after myself most days. I mean, I could go a day being messy, that's why I give myself a four, but I would say I'm fairly clean, but not 100% totally clean. I mean, I have a friend of mine that it's like, you're in a mausoleum when you're at his place and certainly I do kind of prefer coasters and that sort of thing, but on a scale from one to 10, how messy you are. Let's look at the next couple of questions just for fun. Okay, the next one is, what kind of present do you like best? See, I'm not a big fan of this question, mainly because if you're not familiar with the five love languages, I'm gonna pull this book out. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend and Jonathan recommend books. Okay, okay, of the five love languages, there's words of affirmation. If you're a Leo though, it's words of adoration, okay? I think, or at least for me anyway, physical touch, quality time, access service and gifts. Now for me, gifts is the lowest one on my list, so I don't necessarily like this question because I'm terrible to shop for and honestly, I really can't stand buying gifts for people and when I say I can't stand it, I've botched that one so many times that I feel like I'm very upfront with somebody. Now, maybe this question is a good question to have a conversation about it, so just like what I'm talking to you about, my preference around this, depending on how someone responds, you can get a sense of their love language, how they feel about this, but more importantly, you can have a deeper conversation which builds intimacy. So I just don't like that particular question. What's something frivolous that you don't mind spending money on? What is something frivolous you don't mind spending money on? Okay, I like to travel first class, okay? And I have on occasion probably spent more, I've spent money, wasted money on that, particularly when you're flying on a 737 because the seats in first class aren't that much greater. By the way, I invite you to post a comment or share something frivolous. What's something frivolous that you don't mind spending money on? Now maybe I actually, let me reframe that. I actually do mind spending money on it, but the idea is can you see how now by me talking it out with you, this creates a conversation with someone, this builds intimacy. Now this is in the beginning stack, let's pull out the sex stack and see what comes up there. Oh, someone just posted manicures and pedicures maybe is something frivolous. Okay, now this is for a couple that seasoned in their relationship. They've built some, they've built some, let's just put it this way, they've had physical intimacy together because this is a physical intimacy question. What's your favorite sexual memory for us? Now, I don't think this would be a good question to ask if you've been married for a long time and haven't had sex, or maybe it would be a good thing to ask for a couple that have been married. I was just thinking in the early stage of dating, I don't know if that's a really great question to ask and that's why there's 150 different cards here. Let's pull out two more, but this centers around the capacity to be emotionally mature. Okay, what do I do that turns you on the most? Okay, I love that one. I think that's an important conversation. Now, why are the sex conversations really important? Because I will tell you many couples in midlife actually aren't sexually compatible with one another. I am learning as a coach, and when I say learning, I've witnessed many women find themselves in romantic relationships with men where the sex is mediocre between the two of them. So I'm a big advocate for deeper conversation centered around your sex life and using these cards at least as a prompt, but what's most important about this, and this comes back to emotional maturity. How a person responds, it's not what they say in the response, it's how they react to deeper emotional questions. And that's really the conversation I'm here to talk about with respects to emotional maturity. You may wanna check out using something like intimacy cards by Best Self Company. I found this on Amazon, it was 27 bucks. I actually ordered it today and it showed up a couple hours later. All right, so that's the first sign he's a keeper is he's capable of having these deeper conversations early in the getting to know you process. Not all of these would be on a first, second or third date, but certainly within that first three month period. Number two, good sign he's a keeper. He has a generous spirit, a generous nature, a generous spirit. Now, when I talk about generosity, I'm not talking about financial generosity, I'm not talking about he takes you out to nice restaurants and that sort of thing. I'm talking about a generous spirit with his time, maybe a generous spirit with his resources, maybe his generous spirit as being a teammate. You know, I have a dear friend of mine, several dear friends. I know if I needed help, I could call them and they'd be there on the spot. To me, that's a generous spirit, that's a generous nature. In other words, they're not so wrapped up in their own lives that they can actually be a giver. That's what generosity is, is to drop everything for somebody that matters to you, to invest in somebody because they matter to you. So when we think of generosity, it's not always financial generosity, it's their time, it's their effort, it's their resources, of course financial is a resource, but are they generous in their spirit? I think when you meet somebody who has a generous spirit as a teammate, that's a great sign. I remember once early when I was dating someone, she happened to be moving and I said, hey, would you like me to help you come move some stuff? Would you like me to help you pack? That's the sign of a generous spirit. Well, that relationship didn't work out. Oh my God, that turned out to be a nightmare, but that's another story. Fortunately, I have a few nightmares in my baggage, if you will, my knapsack, if you will, but nonetheless, offering that and assisting is a sign of a generous spirit, that's number two. Number three, does he take care of himself? Now, I think this is, even though this isn't about you, it's really important to be with people who take care of themselves physically and financially and emotionally in their life, physically, financially, mind, body, spirit, and emotions. So we're talking about, do they take care of their physical health? I think if we're at midlife, we really want some longevity in our lives, so it's important to choose people that take care of themselves and financially, they're responsible. I'm certainly there have been circumstances, and certainly during COVID, there's been a lot of up-evil that's happened in the world, and it might cause someone to be temporarily in a financial despair, but do they take care of themselves? And this is true for you ladies as well. Emotions, are you regulating your emotions? Sadly, we have a population that is so unhinged. Oh my God, can I give you an example of unhinged, and this happens to be a woman? I got an email from a dating site, by the way, I've not gone on a date with anyone. I got an email from a woman on a dating site. I read it, and I didn't respond because I wasn't interested. And two days later, I get this response. How dare you not respond to me? I would expect something better from you. Well, it only been like 48 hours, let the body get cold a little bit. But my point is you went unhinged in that moment, and I'm just giving you a slight example of how humans actually get unhinged, and regulating your emotions is part of mind, body, spirit, and emotion well-being. And that's what I'm really here to talk about. Okay, number four, do you feel open to be yourself with this person? Do you feel open to be yourself? Folks, coming back to these intimacy cards, this creates conversations that allow you to get to know someone at a deeper level. And I invite you all to begin to create opportunities for deeper conversations. Most men aren't gonna think of this. Guys are clueless. Guys are just in their head. They're in their head and they're in their penis, okay? When guys are in their head and they're penis, they're not thinking about the heart. Ladies, you are the facilitator to a man's heart. And I invite you to use these resources as a way to connect with a man's heart. And lastly, number five, does he appreciate you? Does he appreciate you? Even when you're not having your best day, can he appreciate you? Now, when I say you're not having your best day, I'm not talking about your yelling, screaming, or reprimanding him. I don't mean it in that context. I just mean you're having a bad day. Is he still appreciative of you? I can tell you something. The number one complaint I've heard from men after going through a divorce, let me say number one complaint. This is top five complaint. Let me revamp that. Was they didn't feel appreciated in their relationship? But also, they most likely weren't very appreciative to their partner because women also have this top five complaint is a lack of appreciation. I think couples who don't regularly spend time in gratitude for one another and expressing this gratitude on a regular basis, oftentimes are plagued with unhappy relationships because gratitude allows you, is the antidote to taking people for granted. I have a practice. I've done this in my last two relationships where it's important to once a month express what you're grateful for in the relationship to actually sit across from one another and express gratitude with one another. Gratitude is the antidote to suffering, or one of the antidotes to suffering in a relationship. It's like a B vitamin. We'll call it a G vitamin. You just take this G vitamin, practice gratitude. And certainly a person who appreciates you is a good sign. He's a keeper and he's serious about you. So those are the five signs. And again, the most important sign centers around emotional maturity. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. If it is, post a comment below. I do my best to read them all. And if you found value in this content today, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. All right. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box if you're watching live. And if you're listening to the replay, there's a little super thanks button. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's my son who passed away a few years ago. Well, wait, where is he? There he is. The Woody next to his brother who is Buzz Lightyear Colin. And in his honor, I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute, just to name a few. And by the way, our goal tonight is $50, $50 to donate, okay? So we'd really appreciate that. All right. Let's see what questions we have in the house. And again, purchase a super sticker super chat makes it easier for me to find, okay? So I think I saw a question here. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Lee wrote early in the broadcast, she said, do you think you can teach someone emotional maturity or is it largely inherent and innate quality in a person? Can you teach a man this? I'm gonna tell you folks, I wasn't very emotionally mature. I was a very selfish human being for a significant portion of the early part of my adult life. And it was through workshops and trainings and quite frankly, well, I'll be candid with you. It took a couple humbling experiences for me. One was losing my high-end corporate job. I mean, it devastated me, humbled me. And I got addicted to drugs and alcohol as a way to navigate the emotional effects of this. And then the market crash of 2008, this was at the same time and I was going through a divorce. I was in the perfect storm of emotional chaos. And my drug of choice besides the cocaine and alcohol was online dating. Now I had no idea it was preparing me for this vocation that I have right now, but I was addicted to the dating process. I was addicted to talking to women. I would spend two, three, four, five, six, seven. I had one time an eight hour conversation. We started at eight o'clock at night and finished at four in the morning. Her name is Grace. No, her last name is Grace. I remember that conversation. She actually had went out with a serial killer. She was the, this guy killed six people and she was in the middle of this. She got out of it unscathed and they did a documentary on 60 minutes about this. Anyway, I remember this. My point in sharing this with you, it was through conversations with women that I began getting in touch with my heart. I think women have a capacity to open a man's heart. My dear friend, one of my oldest and loyal friend, I know he wouldn't have connected with his heart if it wasn't for a woman in his life who habitually talked about her feelings. And because he cared about her, he began adopting what she was selling, so to speak, or leading by example. So yes, I do believe men have a capacity to learn. Does that mean you might, you might be teaching them for the next woman? Most likely I would say it's been a few women. Okay, I'll be candid with you. My most significant relationship is the one that opened my heart and we're not together. But she's also in a fantastic relationship with a man who they live together, David. She's my dear friend, Sherry. We weren't right for each other, so, but guess what? You won't know unless you try, and that's my invitation for you, Lee. So I hope that helps. Ah, pump, pump, pump, pump, oh, let's go swimming. Let's go, let's keep swimming. We're just looking for, okay, Barbara's in the house. When a man states that he is sex positive in his dating profile, is that a red flag? I've been seeing this a lot on Bumble, thank you. Hey, Google, what does sex positive mean? According to Wikipedia, the sex positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality. Promoting the recognition of sexuality as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices and consensual sex. So safer sex, consensual sex. So I've, by the way, Barbara, I've noticed the same thing too on Bumble. And honestly, I really, I did look it up before. I really didn't know what sex positive means. I gotta tell you something. I mean, you need to be a Gen Zer to understand language today. I imagine it was much like when I was growing up in the 60s and 70s. I was born in the 60s, I mean, but I grew up in the 70s, mostly in the 80s was when I was an adult. And I'm sure the stuff I talked to my parents about was they were like over their head. So I would say that to the extent that if you listen to the back the last few seconds of it for getting the beginning part of it, safer sex, consensual sex, I do believe that there's some value to that. I've noticed it too. Here's the thing that I wanna bring to your awareness. If you're dating someone that states that, then it's a great conversation starter. So tell me what sex positive means to you. I'd be really curious to know, what does sex positive mean to you? Like folks, I have this vague understanding of it floating in my head before I had you listen to it of a vague understanding because folks, there's probably 60 trillion, there's more than 60 trillion. There's 60, 60, 60, 60, 60, 60, 60, 60, 60. Trillions, trillions, trillions, trillions, trillions, bits of information out there. I just don't know it all. I honestly don't know it all. I'm a person that kind of sticks to kind of a narrow vortex. And then I teach from what I learned. So in this capacity, it's a great opportunity to start a conversation. What does that mean? Okay, so you heard what it said on Google. I'm an Android. I know you're all Siri people out there. I know everybody's an Apple. We don't talk to each other. Oh my God. I know it sucks when it comes to plugging in, using your chargers and stuff, but how many of you are an Apple and how many of you are an Android? Raise your hand. Hmm. Anyway, I think it's a good conversation starter. Laurie wants to say great information, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Even Beach Lover wanted to know what was sex positive. I hope we answered that for you. Okay, let's keep going here. Let's see, Jennifer's in the house. Honestly, I had an ex who had erectile dysfunction due to shame and childhood trauma. He was verbally abused as a kid by his mother. That sucks. And I understand you're an Apple user and Laurie is an Android user. There you go. Let's keep going. Here's a question from Bella. Are lifestyle clubs sex positive? Lifestyle clubs sex positive? I don't know. I mean, folks, I'm pretty, I gotta be candid with you. I once, I went on a BDSM talk show and I'm like, like they asked me to come on cause I'm a dating relationship coach. I'm like, look, I'm vanilla. I am straight vanilla. I'm not, well, I guess I'm in, I do a little tantra and that sort of thing. So I'm not totally vanilla, but lifestyle clubs just aren't my thing. So is that part of sex positive? I suspect it fits the definition. I hope we don't spend the entire time talking about sex positive here. But anyway, that would be a good, be good thing to ask somebody who is in a lifestyle club. Okay. Marie Collins says sex, sounds like sex positive is sex without relationship. You know, that's what I originally thought. Is that sex, is that masturbation or not? Okay, folks, we're gonna need some good new questions. Otherwise we're gonna have a short conversation tonight. So put, oh, Sovereign Angel says, I too was caught in the perfect storm of physical and financial chaos all out of my control, hit me out of nowhere and turn my life upside down. I had a good life being single before it happened. Folks, I think it's really important to recognize that a significant percentage of people have been through emotional and or physical turmoil in their life. Many of you have experienced, particularly in your childhood, you might have had an abusive parent or parents, you might have had alcoholic parents, you might have had parents that were not very present in your life, all of this. And by the way, this is true of men and women alike. And I think the emotional ramifications of our upbringing, along with financial concerns as we age as adults can create a significant challenge for us to establish a wonderful life. You know, folks, I went through a period, remember I told you about losing my corporate job, getting wiped out financially, going through a divorce. I found myself in a period where I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up. And I had two small, look at, where's my picture? Two small children at the time. They were just a little bit older than in that picture. And I'm sharing this because I'm sure many of you can relate or you've been with a man that you can relate to this. So I'm gonna tell you, I was in the pit of despair for probably five solid years of real, I mean, borderline depression, if not true depression. I didn't see a counselor or anyone for that. I was given medication by a doctor and it was, I think it was Lexapro and I almost wanted to commit suicide. I took it for three weeks and I said, no, I'm not gonna do this anymore. And so I recognize that the way out of the pit of despair was through personal development, self-help and spiritual work. The movie The Secret came out around this time. And I remember just gravitating towards it. And then I had been given a book, where is a copy of this book? Oh, well, this isn't the book. I've got it. Okay, does anyone know Louise Hay? She wrote a book called You Can Heal Your Life. I don't know where my copy is. It's not up there, but this is the workbook. Love yourself, heal your life. You can heal your life. And I remember began reading that book. By the way, if anyone can relate to this, please let me know, post a comment. And I began a journey of personal development, started with the movie The Secret. And it was all a lot of attraction. I began listening to Abraham Hicks. Does anyone know Abraham Hicks? Write it down. And by the way, listening to Abraham Hicks is trying to read hieroglyphics. At first it made no sense to me whatsoever. It was like this, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, like that's what it felt like. And then I got, I realized what she was saying. And by the way, have you noticed that she repeats herself for those of you who follow her over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? Well, have you ever wondered why I repeat myself? I have the same narrative in almost every video. It's the same narrative over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Because one of the things for us humans to learn, repetition is an important part of the equation. Now I'm gonna add something to that. If you really wanna get good at something, repeat it over and over again, but do what I do. I teach this. I teach this so I can get better at it for myself. I'm in this perfect storm. I'm in this emotional pit of despair. I was looking into the abyss and I didn't see anything. That's how bad it was. And it was through personal development, self-help and spiritual work that I began digging myself out of the pit of despair. Why does this relate to dating, mating or relating? Because if you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship, it's imperative that you find the healthy, happy part in you that will shine. Ladies, I wanna share something with you. The most attractive quality you can have, the most attractive quality you can have is radiance. To radiate. And when you're loving on yourself, you radiate. It's a powerful force. It's a powerful energy. Can I tell you I've gone on more first dates where women walk in with resting bitch face. Does anyone know what resting bitch face is? Has anyone ever had resting bitch face? I can tell you there are sour puss look on so many people's face. Men too, they've got, men can have resting asshole face and women can have resting bitch face because they're not radiating the love inside of them. That's why I'm here to scream and repeat myself over and over and over and over again. And while Jennifer wants to remind everyone about confidence, I think confidence and radiance. I agree, I have confidence, but most, you know, here's the thing about confidence. We are all on some level suffering from I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable on some level. So while we might, some people pretend to be confident, I don't, and they can fake confidence. I don't believe you can fake radiance. Maybe I'm wrong. And by the way, injecting your lips is not radiance. I'm just not a fan of duck lips. Duck lips anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. All right, who has a question for me? Write the word question or post the question after or could you please purchase a super sticker, super chat? I'm gonna donate some money. All right. Jennifer says, arrogance can also be confident. I agree. Hope says, Louise Hay is one of my guru books. And when I had my bookshop, she was one of the many I could not get enough of. Yeah, she was one of, like she was the first one of, this was the first book for me, you can heal your life. One of my favorite books since then, folks. If you want to change your life, read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This is a game changer. This is like, this is like my Bible. Okay, I want to say something about reading this book, okay? By the way, there's a link below in Jonathan recommend books, okay? Only read one chapter at any sitting. This is way too deep. This is way too deep. It's 19 chapters, it'll take you 19 days to finish it and quite frankly, you might only be capable of reading half a chapter. It's that deep, okay? It's like being in the Marianas trenches. But I highly recommend that book. All right, let's keep going here. Do you have a question for me? All right, let's get off the sex positive conversation. Cupcake Betty says, I gravitated towards the secret as well. Yeah, I love that movie. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Cupcake also wants to remind everyone radiance, I agree. Please extrapolate on radiance because this is a vital personal strength. You know, I don't even know how to quantify it. I wouldn't even know how to extrapolate it. I just know it when I see it. I gotta tell you something on the dating apps. Okay, let's just for fun. I'm gonna give you an example. I'm gonna do some swiping right now. Is she radiating? I don't think so. I don't think she's radiating, okay? Well, this one has sunglasses so I don't think she's radiating. I don't think you can radiate through your sunglasses. I don't know. I wanna find this one, oops, shoot. I just accidentally swiped right on someone. Let's go this way. Okay, please forgive. I don't wanna exclude her name. I don't, I think that's just not a happy look, you know? And I can go through one after another after another and I will tell you, okay, folks, not to brag but tell me if you think this is my, here, this is mine. You tell me what you think. Am I radiating here? Am I radiating? Tell me, you tell me if you think I am, okay? I'd like to think I am. I'd like to think there's a radiance. I could be wrong but I'm gonna tell you something. There's a lot of sour pus energy in the dating marketplace, particularly on the dating sites. And I don't think if you're wearing your sunglasses you can be seen radiating, okay? All right, who wants to disagree with me? Let's see if we're gonna get negative comments now. Barbara says you radiate. Okay, thank you. Cynthia wants to say gratitude, self-love and peace, radiance, exactly. Hope asked me, have you read the book The Road Less Traveled? No, I have not. I've heard of the book, I just, I haven't read it. Folks, I was gonna say this is just a partial list of books that I have. I skim through it professionally. I've got so many on my desk that I'm still trying to read and get through. And when I say I skim through them, I go through the meat of it, but sometimes I don't go through them cover to cover. I have some core books I always recommend in my videos. But anyway, all right, let's keep going. Do you have a question for me? Cupcake says, Jonathan, that picture of you is fantastic. Great smile, thank you. Jennifer says, I went out on a date with a guy with sunglasses and his arms folded across his chest. They exuded anger on our date. Well, that sucks. That sucks. Okay, Tanya says, I think sunglasses can be a form of hiding. I gotta tell you, it really pisses me off when I see a, by the way, okay. On Bumble, Hinge, any of these apps, swipe apps, you have six photographs, okay? That's it, allowed to put in six. I can't tell you how many of them, six of them are wearing sunglasses. Three of them out of the six are the plate of sushi, the eight the night before. Three of your photographs are your dog. I mean, this is real estate. This is real estate. You should be putting, okay, so here, let's go through Jonathan's Bumble, okay? Okay, you saw the first photo, was that one? Okay, let's go to the next one. This is prime real estate, okay? Here's the next one. I'd like to think I've got a happy look on my face, okay? All right, let's go to the next one. This is at my pad, another one, I'd hope I'm happy. Oh, here's one, folks, the books I read. That's when it, now, this, okay. Obviously it's not, or I'll put it back up again, books I read, okay? And you can see my book is in the middle. Now, this isn't a picture of me, but it tells a story. Somebody looks at this and says, calling in the one, Hoffman process, non-violent communication, eight dates, getting the love you want, attached untethered soul. What the heck is self-love anyway? Where's that book? My book, what the heck is self-love anyway? Journey of Personal Development, self-help, spiritual work, link below to get a copy of the book. Five love languages, four agreements, the Buddha dated, return to love, daring greatly by Renee Brown. Shut up, stop whining, get a life, and the mastery of love. By the way, one of my favorite books, folks. Shut up, stop whining, and get a life by Larry Wingett. I read this 17 years ago, and I read it from cover to cover, I couldn't put it down. We've got such a whiny fucking victim consciousness mentality here in the United States. I mean, people are just suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. Folks, you only have yourself to blame if all you do is whine and complain. Oh, I just made a rhyme. You only have, someone write this down for me. You only have yourself to blame if all you do is whine and complain. I gotta remember that. You only have yourself to blame, and that's gotta be a Jonathan quote. You only have yourself to blame if all you do is whine and complain. Okay, so the next photograph. Okay, now this one, this is one of my spiritual camps. I was in a happy mood. Now that, well, it's not a great picture of my face. It exudes energy. It exudes radiance. And then my last one, I'm wearing sunglasses, but it's a body shot. It's a body shot, okay? So I think that's okay. Folks, on the dating sites, quality photographs. If you're wearing sunglasses, you're only allowed one, and it's so long as it's a body shot, okay? That's just my invitation for everyone. What does everybody think of what I just said? Here's my quote. You only have yourself to blame if all you do is whine and complain. I just love that I made that up. Hope says, what would you say that your society, wait, what you say that your society over-thinks everything? You know what, I'm a fan of processing things. I'm not a fan of over-processing things, but I do believe there's value in processing your thoughts and your feelings. Analyzing to me as oftentimes is to rationalize our choices. But I certainly like to assess and ascertain things, but not at this, at not, at nauseam, okay? Anyways, that's just a perception I have. Bum, bum, bum. Okay, that's funny, Jennifer. The book's authors wearing sunglasses. I don't think it matters. He's a tough guy. All right, let's keep going. That's a good point. Catherine says, humble confidence is key ego-based confidence is easy to notice true authentic radiance naturally for lows. I agree. All right, let's go. Sovereign Angel's back in the house with a question. I have dated, wait, I have not dated in seven years, but have had many married men that I know come after me. They act dirty, it disgusts me. Why are these men, what? Why are these men who I've known for many years doing this? Is it possible? I'm just speculating here. Is it possible you're putting out an energy that might suggest you might, I'm just, is it possible you could be inviting in? Or, that's one possibility. Or the other possibility is since you haven't gone on a date, and if you're surrounded by married men, we have a lot of married men that are not happy in their marriages and they seek to get sexual gratification elsewhere. We have a significant population of unhappy married people. I would venture, you know what, that 50% of marriages end in divorce. The other 50% that are still married, I would bet 75% of them are miserable in their marriages. I mean, it's a sad state of affairs. So either A, you're putting out an energy and I'm not suggesting that is it. I'm just saying that's a possibility. Or B, because you're surrounded by unhappily married men, they are just taking advantage of whoever's in their vortex, if you will. That could be a possibility as well. But I'm sorry you're experiencing that and I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan Barahak. Blessed is in the house. He invited me bowling. Inside he says, you pay this time. Then went away and ordered a drink without asking, only asked for the card after. He's a millionaire, I'm not. When I asked him out to pay, wait. When I asked him out, I pay. I don't know what your question is. Is he a jerk? Possibly. I mean, was that not cool? Since if he asked you out and he didn't offer to treat, he probably doesn't have a generous spirit, as I talked about in the beginning of this conversation. And you have to ask yourself, do you wanna see him again? That would be a question. You have to ask yourself. Doesn't sound like he would be, but you have to ask that question for yourself. Okay, blessed? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's keep going. If you have a question, write the word question. Folks, we need $50 tonight to donate. Come on, I gave you a great quote. You only have yourself to blame if all you do is whine and complain. That's gotta be worth five bucks from somebody. And if 10 of you gave it, we'd hit our goal tonight. Annabelle says, why would a woman pay? Heck no. Well, as she said, if she offered to take them out, I'm a big proponent of reciprocity. I'm a big proponent in the dating processes to people investing in each other and taking turns. Now, if you're with somebody who's a millionaire, like she said he was, and the person who has the most resources should contribute, but at the same time in the getting to know you, I'm a big proponent of reciprocity, taking turns, planning things individually, like each person makes a plan to go do something. This way you get to know each other's likes and dislikes. So I'm just a big proponent of reciprocity. Beach Lover just gave us $3. That means we're $47 away. Thank you so much. Wanda's in the house. How do you know if they're married or not truthful on a dating site or a date? They can, wait, they can after all, okay. You know, you can't. I mean, unless you do a background check on a person, I mean, unless you do some investigatory, looking at their social media footprint. I got to tell you before social media was a lot harder, but I will tell you, it's very difficult to know who's married or not because if they don't wear their ring. Usually they're secretive. They only call you at weird strange hours. Now that's not texting. I'm talking about calling. They never invite you to their home. That's a great sign. Folks, I'm a big proponent. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should visit each other's homes to see where the person lives, okay. You got to see their home before you get, before you give your heart to someone, he should see your home and you should see his home. That's my invitation for everyone, okay. Rosemary says, I'm looking for a godly man, okay. Then I highly recommend go to churches to find that person. That's your best bet to meet that type of person. And beach lover wants to confirm at church, okay. Hey, blessed has given us a $10 super sticker. So that means we have $13. We're $37 away from our goal. Thank you so much. Wanda says, thank you. Sherry just posted. Wanda, I asked men this, is there something that thinks that, oh, okay, this is something I learned from Ariel Ford. Is there someone that thinks they are in a relationship with you? Do you have a wife, a separated wife, a girlfriend? Agree they are secretive. Yeah, I should have mentioned this, but you can point blank ask the question, are you married? Okay, a really good liar knows how to lie and get around that. A guy that's a newbie at this kind of thing, liar probably isn't. By the way, I wanna thank Barbara for the $4, $5 super sticker. You have to pay attention, folks. I mean, to some degree we do have to become detectives. It's in our best interest to learn how to read people. This is why I recommend book after book after book after book for everyone because you have to become your own detective and matchmaker, okay? So does anyone believe they're in a relationship with you or does anyone believe they're married to you right now? I highly, a cheater is probably gonna sidestep that question or I forgot to add this. He might say I'm unhappily married and we're separated, we live apart. He might fess up, but he might make up some excuses. So that's a possibility as well, okay? But as Jane says, that's a good question. I learned that from Ariel Ford, who wrote the book, The Soulmate's Secret, okay? Let's see, let's keep going here. Oh, and Sovereign Angel says several, Wanda, several of my lady friends dealt with men. They met online that were married all live and this was on a Christian dating site. Just because somebody is godly or Christianly doesn't mean they aren't fucked up. We have dysfunctional human beings in every religious capacity, every political capacity. There is no immunity to dysfunctionality, okay? The only thing you can do is become a detective in your life and I don't mean this from a fear-based way. I'm talking and not about protecting your heart. I'm talking about what do detectives do? They ask questions, they're curious. They try to find out about a person, okay? If they have children, oh, where did the children live? Did they live with their mom? Where does their mom live? You know, like you can ask curious questions if someone's married, most likely in the demographics we're talking to the midlife demographic. They have children. So be inquisitive, what's the schedule? Okay, here's a good one. What's your custody schedule? How did it go at family court when the two of you were going through divorce? And the person, by the way, they're not prepared for these more complex questions and this would be a way to trip up a married guy. Most married, listen, most people cheating are married with children, okay? Most of them. And you can ask about, hey, what was it like going through a divorce? Oh my God, that must have been horrific. When did you file for divorce? How did your children handle it? What's your custody arrangement? These are really good questions to ask to trip up the married guy. A legitimate guy is it's gonna be easy to answer those questions, you know? But those that are married and cheating are gonna be harder to answer those questions. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Melissa says, I did ask the question, does anyone think they're in a relationship with you? He responded, well, well, I have a lot of relationships with people. You know what, see that response alone is just, you know, here's the thing. The answer is either no or yes. Anything else is just, you know, bullshit. And it speaks volumes. Terry says, Jonathan, those are good questions to ask to trip them up. Yeah, I came with those. It just occurred to me as I was processing this. This is overthinking. I'm processing, I'm processing. I'm overthinking coming back to that. Get his cell number and reverse lookup for $5. You can find out a lot, yeah. Jane says, a man can have two cell phone numbers. Should I be worried? Yeah, two, I mean, no, you don't need to be worried. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Annabelle says, here's our first first, Jonathan. I would feel turned off a bit if I had to pay early in dating. I feel less as a woman just saying. Annabelle, I understand that, okay? I understand that's how you feel. Not everyone subscribes to my way of thinking. I just believe if a woman is genuinely interested in me, she'll want to make effort. That includes planning something and treating for something. That might be a turnoff for you. Good, that tells us we're not a fit. I will tell you ladies this. I posted a question, I just talked about this. I posted this question to a group of 15,000 men in a private Facebook group I met. Men, how would you feel if after a first date, a woman said something to the following? After a first date, she says something like this. Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated me on this date. Will you allow me to show my appreciation and plan and treat you the next time? How would you feel about that? And I posted this question to a group of 15,000 men. I had over a thousand responses to this and this is what I heard. She's a keeper. She's one of a kind. She's a unicorn. She's partnership material. Don't let someone like that go away. This was the response. And a few select men, less than one-tenth of 1%, went into, I would never do that. And the way they responded in all caps is because most likely these are people that are control freaks. They want to be in control. I'm here to say, if a man cannot accept your generosity, because coming back to generous nature, and when I talked about the five signs he's a keeper, generous nature, in my opinion, includes taking turns. That's generous. That shows that you're investing in him. If he resists it, that might mean he has difficulty accepting your love later on down the road. So I'm here to say, mutual reciprocity is a factor in making decisions in relationship. I understand Annabelle, that doesn't work for you, and that's fine. We're not a fit, okay? I'm no worries there. But I invite everyone to process this and decide for themselves what they want most. I guess here's a question. If women expect men to pay for dates, should men expect women for sex? I'm just asking that as a question. Matthew Hussie discussed that in one of his videos, who should pay for a date, okay? So expectation is the mother of disaster, in my opinion. I believe in generosity and reciprocity, those are just too high values for me. And I know I might have lost some of you, that's okay. You don't have to subscribe. I'm here to offer perspective. I'm here to offer perspective. I'm not saying this is the gospel. I'm not saying this is the truth. Generally speaking, most of what I share is consistent. Most of the most important thing I share is the importance of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. Coming back to loving on oneself. When someone loves on themselves, they radiate and they become a magnetic attractor for what they want and why do I repeat myself on personal development, self-help, spiritual work over and over and over and over again? Because if you want to attract an amazing partner, then become the person you want to attract. Become the person you want to attract. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right. Bella says, I would love to treat more often. There you go. You see, man, appreciate that. Let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's see. Da, da, da. Nietzsche says, Jonathan, great point bro. Thank you so much. Jennifer says, I know a woman who always pays the dates right away. She has turned off a lot of men. Okay. What I talked about earlier was reciprocity, taking turns. I'm not talking about paying for every date. That would be a turn off to me as well because what that's not allowing is my generous spirit to come out. So it should come from a place of generosity, not a place of control. Control is a turn off and trust me. A lot of men use paying for dates as a way to control things because if I paid for every date, I can bail on you whenever I want. Just remember that. That's also a possibility. It's not always coming from a generous place. I think we'll take this as the last question. Do you think that some males are takers because they're afraid of being used? I know this is ironic. Yes. I think a significant percentage of men after divorce in particular have felt used in their past relationships and they turn into takers as a result of this. It's a sad state of affairs. I'm not advocating for it, but I do believe that this happens. That a person that might've been generous at one point in his life who felt unappreciated might become a taker. This is why I talk about, when I talk about childhood wounds and adult traumas, this might be an example of an adult trauma that might have caused a man to become a taker after he was a giver at some point. And I see this with women as well. This is equal for each gender. All right, folks, what we just talked about is he a keeper? The five signs, he might be the one. Since I mentioned it earlier, I'll just remind everyone, does he have emotional maturity? Does he have a generous spirit? Does he take care of himself? Do you feel like you can be open to him? And lastly, does he appreciate you? Those are five signs he might be the one and he might be a keeper. I hope you found value in this. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below. I do my best to read them all during the first 24 hours. And if you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video and please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. If you reach this point, the Golden Bachelor is on, so go out and enjoy and let's see who Jerry picks tonight. Or has fun at the fantasy suites, all right? Have a wonderful evening, take care. Oh, I want to thank Wanda and Cecilia and Sherry and Beach Lever and Terry and Annabelle. Let's see, Cupcake and Jane, Marianne and Hope and Sovereign Angel and Cecilia. I think I said Lisa, did I say Jennifer? All right, everyone, big hugs. Have a fab.