 Mom was there while allowing her male friends to do these things on him. Some of them starting at the age of seven. And so, or grandfather as well, when her grandfather did that. And even for the males, you know, I have one now. He's such a great kid, but he is facing several counts of sexual misconduct. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Black love. What does that mean to you? So when I say what does that mean to you? I mean, like specifically, you as a person. And then when you're working with these black children, for instance, who've been neglected, who don't have a mom and a dad, who don't have examples of black love, and then they grow up to become what they become. So yeah, what when you even hear the phrase, what does it mean? Honestly, when I hear black love. The first image that pops up on my or my parents, they have been together longer than I've been alive. And yes, they've had their ups and downs, which is to be expected. But they are there for each other. They support each other when one is at 20, the other is at 80% holding everything together. And so for me, just going off of that, I just, black love is strength, patience, nurturing, sometimes silent. The positive side of things, having that cheerleader, having like your very own cheerleader that you know, if I want to try this out, it might be in a whole different field than what you're already working in, but you have that person that's going to say, OK, all right, you know, let's, you got it. If you want to do it, I'm here for you. But let's make sure you have X, Y, and Z lined up and, you know, let's do it the right way as it pertains to my field. I just feel like a lot of the kids that I've encountered. The abuse has come from the hands of their parents or, you know, family members that they trusted. And just building that back up specifically in Black kids. It's, oh, my goodness, it's, it's a, I have no words. It's very interesting, very difficult. It is it's a whirlwind of emotions. And I just think of this one Black girl. She was 13 when I first started my internship. And she was just very, you could tell she had been over sexualized because that's how she she portrayed herself. And so I went. Then we were coming off of 13. I went in. We were still the math. I think the mass mandate was still so, you know, and I'm always changing my hair like every few weeks. I'm changing my hair or I would come, you know, with my nails on. So I'm like, this is who I am. So I can still do my job effectively. How I look, you know, it doesn't matter. So, you know, I'll go there and she'll be like, oh, Miss Tann, I like your hair, girl, I like your nails. So you got your nails for a while. So then when I took my mask off one time, she was like, you got your nose pierced. What? And she went and I don't know if she did it herself. She probably didn't know she wasn't supposed to do it. But she went and she, you know, she pierced her nose and, you know, ended up getting the same kind of jewel in her nose. And I had a specific hairstyle at that time. And she was like, I want my hair like that. You want my hair like that? So I, you know, after talking, talking it over, I feel surprised and making sure everything was OK. I feel surprised. I was like, yeah, you know, go ahead. I'll give you the car. You can go and purchase the hair and, you know, we'll make it happen. But I told her it was contingent on your behavior, you know, when you're in school and, you know, when you're here at home. But I say all that to say once we got to the point of her doing her hair after that, I was going out of the home, I was leaving for the night. And she was like, you know, bye, Miss Tay, I'll see you. You know, you coming back, blah, blah. And then she told me that she loved me and it pulled on my heart. She was like, oh my, oh my God. Like you know, this child is so aggressive. Like she would fight at the drop of you just could look at her and you might just be glancing her direction and she's she's on you before you knew what had even happened. So I was like, OK, so I'm getting through to her in some way. And so I just without thinking, you know, I was like, I love you too. And I was like, you know, I'll see you on such and such whenever I come back. So whenever I would come back, her behaviors for that day would be better than they were before, or if she had an episode because she was the youngest in the home, she felt like the staff just were not paying attention to her. And they would let other kids get away with things that she wouldn't. Instead of blowing up, she would come to me and she was like, Miss, I need to talk to you. Can we go around? Can we go in and talk? And I'm like, yeah, you know, what's going on? And it could be from something a little like, OK, I like this boy at school, but he didn't like me. You know, he called me ugly. And then she went through a period where she had to tell her, OK, let's do her positive information because she just kept saying I'm ugly. She was she was darker skinned and she's like, I'm ugly. You know, I'm just nobody's ever going to like me. But when I started till I started doing groups with her and I would ask her, OK, do you want a whole group or you just want one or one? And she was I just can it just be you and I? I don't want I don't want anybody else. So she and I, you know, we would talk and I would come in, you know, first day I come through the door, you know, whatever day after or even like months later and she would I got to tell you what I did. So I looked at him here today and I told myself that I love myself and that I'm beautiful and she, you know, she would have her brain. She was like, you know what, I am I am. And every time when I would leave, because I was going there four days a week, she would always tell me that she loved me. And so that because I would always just think. Love like just parents, you know, or when you're that romantic love. But working with at risk youth, specifically African-American at risk youth, made me realize, yes, I already know that you guys missed a lot of what you should have had because of your situations. But just in me being myself and showing up how I was showing up. That just warranted her feeling like she was being seen, like she was loved. And so in Lord, let me if I forgot or I didn't hear her if I was doing something else that she told me, she loved me. Um, excuse me. Excuse me, Miss Kay. And it got to the point where she didn't want any of the other kids to hug me. She didn't want them to do groups with me. She became very territorial. And so the other girls, they, even though they weren't African-American, they picked up on it and they're like, OK, so what, what Miss Tay got that, you know, why you always want to be over there with her? And another girl came in and it was like her second day. And, you know, the first one she was like, you know, Miss Tay, it's cool. Like, you don't like her. And that new girl was stuck to my hip. She would not respond to anyone else in the group on, even though there were more African-American staff and she would start saying, I love you. I love you. And she's like, OK, this is all right. So I think you just having just knowing your meaning of Black love and how you can be, you know, you might not even go into having a relationship with someone or building that rapport with them, thinking that it's going to, you know, transpire into them, telling you that. But just being what you can for that person. It's just, it's just a big thing in itself. What is your take on the gender war, the Black gender war that we see on the Internet? Barber shops, beauty shops. And how can you tie that to our childhood? And as you said, our PTSD is Black men and Black women. Oh, boy. Oh, God, that's that's a loaded question. Take your time. Oh, that's a loaded question. Oh, gosh. Loaded questions is kind of what this is. That's my genius. Oh, gosh, OK. We see, for instance, the niggazine ship phenomenon. Right. Right. For a lot of even young girls, like my little brother is 18. That's their default setting. They start with niggazine ship and then go from there. Yes. A lot of young boys, I remember I was in Miami. A couple of months ago and this boy was standing out on the strip. He had to be like 13, 14. He was telling us he was like, yeah, man, these hoes, they out here. And if you got some money to go with you, this, this and that. And it was one of those boys who you can tell comes from poverty. You can tell comes from PTSD in the whole night. So with you working with these kids and the inception of their trauma, how do you think that leads to some of the narratives that they latch on to about men, about women? The environment definitely plays a part. And I guess the one thing that is just like coming to mind is the whole nature versus nurture concept, you know? If you what people don't realize is. Unfortunately, kids are more or youth are more resilient than adults think they are. And they should not have to be in certain situations, you know? But at the same time, they're also paying attention to everything that's around them and I'd say it, but they're soaking it in. And if they don't have. That outside, you know, more positive or the opposite of whatever they're experiencing, they're going to internalize that. And that's how they're going to, you know, they're going to go through life. That's going to be a persona that they take on. But society doesn't help first off social media. And even the girls at the group should not have cell phones, should not have access to Facebook, Snapchat, all of this, they still do even when they're in care. So that is you're still getting that influence from the outside, whether you want them to or not. And being, you know, 12 and being around adults, being around men. Even when I was younger, just wanted to be around the women, the older, you know, the teenagers, you know, when I was younger in like elementary school or whatever, wanted to be around them. And I don't go watch what they're saying, you know, especially if you're a family member or, you know, you're a the sibling of one of their good friends. They're just you're going to pick up on what they're saying. And I just feel like it's the way that African American men and women are being perceived amongst themselves, not even how other races are seeing them. Just how they're being perceived amongst themselves and the titles that they're giving each other. It's just not everyone, but they're so degrading and calling women, hoes and all this extra stuff just just because you don't like that they're not giving you that attention or, you know, for men, if you don't have, you don't look a certain way. What is it? You got to be what I see mostly on social media is Lord, please send me a, a guy that's a man that's six feet tall. Six feet tall. Yes, yes. I'm like, what? And so if you don't have that, if you don't fit into that mold, then that's what causes you to be called something differently. Or women have this idea, black women have this idea. It's false, false conception of what a black man, how he should act, how he should look, you know, how he should handle certain situations. And so if you're not rough and ragged or, you know, putting them in their place, then. It's, oh, you, you acting like a little sis, you know, you acting like, you know, but that, that's not even the case. And that just, it causes a wedge between the genders. And I feel like what I've experienced among my kids is it's a lack of respect that they have for the opposite sex. And it really bothers me, like the, the girls, they'll say, well, I just want him for his money anyway. Like, I mean, he don't have to do nothing else with me. I just, if I want this, I want him to go buy it for me. You know, and if he don't, then he full of shit, you know, and I'm like. And he's a 10, 12. Yeah, that's good. It would help draw or paint the picture of where is this coming from? Right, right. So most of them that I have had the pleasure of meeting and working with their victims of sexual abuse by fathers, uncles, cousins, you know, or mom was there while allowing her male friends to do these things on them. Some of them starting at the age of seven. And so or grandfather as well, one, her grandfather did that. And even for the males, you know, I have one now. He's such a great kid, but he is facing several counts of sexual misconduct for sexual assault of his younger siblings, male siblings, his brothers. And then also his cousin, but he had an uncle that did that to him. And so he now has two kids, but how did he 16? Yes. And he is so just he's so outgoing and he has a good head on his shoulders. He's like, you know, I want to go into the to the military. And, you know, he's like trying to get a job now. But he will even sometimes make statements about not feeling loved, not if someone doesn't want to hug him or if they're not being, you know, physical with him, then he feels like he he's not worth anything. And the same with, you know, some of the girls, they'll be like, well, and then she was 14 and the dude she was talking to was 25. And she saw nothing wrong with that. And so I said my piece and I left it alone. But just from hearing her talk about like, well, you know, he he buys me such and such. And, you know, he's he tells me, you know, that I'm fine. I'm like, OK, well, what else? What else? But that I have to remember. That's all that you know, you know, you came from being abused repeatedly. And so if you don't get that help that you need mentally, then you're going to be thinking that this is this is right. No, yeah. Yeah. And yes, normal that everybody's normal is different. This is what they've experienced. So this is what they've internalized. And until they're actively ready to make that change, to kind of work to alter their mindset, this is what it's going to keep being, you know, this is what they're going to keep doing. These are the type of people that they're going to keep going after. But it's still just really it's really frustrating because I'm a huge impact. And when I'm, you know, scrolling on social media and I'm just seeing the whole baby mama, baby daddy drama, it's like, why are you tearing each other down like this? On a platform where multiple people can see what you're saying to each other, you know, like, let's just let's not do that. But then when you have that audience, you know, and then you have it, I guess, in the sense being reinforced by the African American community, you know, in society or African American in society, then you're going to keep doing what you're doing because you're getting that, you know, you're getting that backup. You're getting that. OK, yeah. Like, you know, from for the men, it's like, yeah, she is a hoe. You know, she she's doing such a such. Yeah, she's a hoe. Or, you know, we ain't got to show her love. We don't got to do this. You just, you know, by her six people or whatever, and she's fine. And then for the women, it's just like I don't have to be committed to him. You know, yeah, we said we're going to be monogamous or whatever the case is, or just using your body to get you what you want. You know, and one breath saying that you want somebody just for you. You want to be in a committed relationship. You want to feel loved. You want to feel supported and encouraged. But then in the same breath, you know, or the same instance, then, you know, you just shaking your behind on camera or, you know, which is that's what you want to do. That's your prerogative. And I believe in self expression. That's how you express yourself. That's great. But knowing exactly what it is that you want and how you present yourself. But if that's all that you know and that's what you've seen and if it, in a sense, works for you and has been working, then that's what you're going to continue doing. But it's just I don't know if sickening would be the term. But it kind of just blows my mind because, you know, men, African-American men, some, not all, that's what they're drawn to. But then literally, you know, in the same breath with their homeboys, they're tearing her down. Or, you know, with women, African-American women, you're saying that you want this from a man and he does it. And then you're you're talking trash about him. So your homegirls, like it's just it's an evolving cycle. And I feel like it's gotten worse over the years. And I guess that's why with with my African-American girls. I know the the boundary of, OK, I'm not trying to be your mom. I'm not trying to, you know, tell you things that you feel like your mom would tell you, but I have real conversations with them. And I tell them about, you know, my instances where I was at a little place and I was in a relationship. And to this day, my parents would tell you they did not like him because they felt like, you know, he changed me. And I even felt like he did because I gave into a lot of things that I shouldn't have. And so I think just having that experience. And when I see these, you know, the gender wars and just all of the extra things that come with that going on among my kids, male and females, I try to just, OK, let's let's let's sit down and talk about it. You know, let's what's going on. Like I'm never just going to bark at you and say you need to be doing this, you need to be doing that because I didn't respond to that. So I know you're not going to respond to that. So let's let's just talk. And sometimes it helps. Right in there, sometimes it doesn't, you know, or, you know, it'll be some months down the road and you're like, well, you know, I understand where you're coming from, but, you know, that's just where I am. So and with what they're going through, of course, they're not going to be like, well, I experienced this when I was such a such age. So I think that's contributing to this. You know, they don't have those breakthroughs. It's just more so of not wanting to go into like one girl, she didn't like to take showers because that's where the sexual abuse was happening. And, you know, I completely got that. But then she also became very, very promiscuous with boys at school. So just understanding that your inner child, if you don't heal or work towards healing that inner child, or just, I guess, bringing them into focus because we all know the inner child is there. But whether you allow them that space to walk hand in hand with you versus just trying to push them aside, then you'll, I feel like it helps you, you know, as a person internally, as you're growing as well, knowing, you know, what, why you are, why you do certain things the way that you do, you know, why you feel a certain way when you hear the song or when you make a certain statement, why you're feeling like this, which is a lot of things that I don't watch. The African American community, they're getting better with it now and, you know, having that realization. But there's still quite a few that don't really. They're not trying to hear that, you know, I think that's the point blank period.