 Those sneaky little devils over at Amazon quietly put out another exclusive film called Jolt. Wow, what a fun surprise! Is it any good? No! While not quite Catwoman levels of bad, it's not too far off either. In fact, I think I would prefer to watch Catwoman because at least it's completely stupid and enjoyable in that sense with some really hilarious fighting. Jolt is just, just so, so sad all around. Remember how a smoking hot Kate Beckinsale was? She still is. I don't know what she's eating. I don't know what she's putting in her body or on top of her body to make her look so good, but really showing the ladies out there how to not age gracefully and do anything and everything you possibly can to maintain those looks, and I'm here for it. So what's Jolt about? Thanks for asking, prepubescent teen. We follow a character named Lindy. She struggles with a very rare but actually real disease called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Not to be confused with Intermittent Explosive Diarrhea, which more people suffer for, especially here in America. We eat well. The problem with this disability is it makes her go full blown Karen whenever someone slightly annoys her. A lot of things really annoy Lindy. She's kind of like Larry David without the humorous commentary and social awkwardness, but instead beats people up within an inch of their life, which is super plausible and realistic here because she has no training of any kind, yet she can hold her own in some pretty aggressive fights. Now, it's already very hard to convince me that a 90 pound Kate Beckinsale is going to take down any guy, but the fact that she has this disorder that keeps her from holding a job or being in a location for more than a day means that there's no way she could gain any sort of special skill set that would allow her to be good at hand to hand combat or a great driver, all of which she kind of picks up on the fly and is really great at, which makes for a really compelling character, said no one ever. This movie sucks hard and there's not really much to spoil here, so I'm just going to kind of talk about it off the cuff if that's okay. Don't watch it. The movie starts out with an incredibly long narration. That sounds like it was ripped right off of an episode of Desperate Housewives. This is accompanied by a montage of our girl growing up in all the wrong ways. She's got bad parenting. She can't control her intense anger, and we see some really bad slow motion at play. We're talking slow motion straight out of bad 80s action films that went straight to DVD, or straight, I guess, straight to VHS to be more accurate. Fortunately for Lindy, people take notice, the different scientists, different smart types, and they put her on an advanced system that allows her to control her rage by shocking herself, or giving herself jolts of electricity. Oh, there's the title. That's where that comes into play, Jolt. At first, I thought Jolt was based off the extreme soda from the 90s, which was really a precursor to the energy drinks we have today. Now, me personally, I was a surge guy. Jolt was a poor man's surge. It was essentially the Mellow Yellow to Mountain Dew. Now, if you like Mellow Yellow over Mountain Dew, then you might like this movie, because you have bad taste. I'm a Noss man myself. I prefer that over Monster. I don't like the taste of Monster. I think Noss is superior. Let's move on. Now able to control her emotions randomly, seemingly not that often, she's still beating people up in broad daylight and getting away with it, because there's no consequences for anything she does. She ends up falling in love for a guy she meets at a restaurant one night. I don't know why she was there. I guess she was just eating by herself. A lot of stuff happens in this movie, and it goes by quick, and I don't even recall if anything's explained. Like, she meets the guy, right, who's played by Jai Courtney, who continues to find work in Hollywood, which slightly annoys me, because I don't get the appeal of Jai Courtney. But what really crosses the line for me is he gets to go back and pretend bang Kate. That's just a bridge too far. That's a line crossed. Jai Courtney getting to touch Kate Beckinsale is some sort of bullshit. That's an injustice like none ever before. So yeah, they whine and dine and bang back at her place for the night. They went on two dates, I think, and he got her a beautiful gift. It's a new Nikon camera. How do I know the brand? Because the movie shows me the brand multiple times. In fact, Lindy gets herself a nice little camera montage where she goes around the city taking photos of what? I don't know. The camera never leaves her camera. It's always right on that Nikon from this angle, from that angle. Look at that Nikon camera straight on. Wow, she's maybe taking a picture of something interesting over there. No, no, no, no. Good sir. The real magic's happening on the camera. The real magic is the camera. Nikon, just do it. No, that's not the right brand. After a fun photo montage, Lindy finds out some terrible news. Her new boyfriend is dead. What are the chances he comes back by the end of this film and is actually the bad guy? That's crazy. That's never happened ever in a movie with such brilliant writing. Occasionally she'll stop by and see her friend slash doctor played by Stanley Tucci. He's held up in a dilapidated office of sorts. It's the only place he exists inside of this film. They probably had like two days with the guy, so they just shot all their scenes and called it. But really, that's how I like to think of Stanley Tucci. Around every corner of every office building is a room where Stanley Tucci resides in, waiting to impart wisdom and life lessons upon you as you enter. And that's nice. That's heartwarming. So the premise is set. Lindy needs to find out who killed her boyfriend that she had for two days time and get revenge. In order to do this, she'll have to break some laws, which is nothing new to her. She does this shit all the time and gets away with it. No problem. She ends up running into the law. And the male officer is incredibly polite to her. He's very obliged to help her out, even if she does seem like a very good suspect candidate. His partner, however, played by Laverne Cox, isn't as keen on this woman. She's not as cocksure about her. It's made pretty clear that she doesn't like her when she opens fire on Lindy unarmed in a hallway. And I have to say, it's some really poor aim. She hits a couple of the walls and that's it. She's not even close to her. And it's not even a tough shot. Lindy's just standing there. Now, to be fair, Lindy was doing a B&E. She was breaking and entering, but it was super easy for her to do. All she had to accomplish was getting the police out of the precinct by just calling him and saying, like, hey, I want to talk. So the two lead officers on the case bounce from the precinct, Lindy sneak in by just walking in and taking the keys and going into the back room and grabbing the file and taking whatever she needed out of there and then leaving the precinct. And no cops stopped her or talked to her. Could you imagine seeing Kate Beckinsale in a room and not even noticing her? Are you out of your goddamn mind? The rest of the movie is just a string of different awful sections where she finds a bad guy, beats up some henchmen, proves how great she is as, I guess, the hero? A hero who puts a matri-dee in the hospital because she was a little root to her who constantly shoves and pushes and kicks and bites and slaps and attacks innocent people on the streets because they might have bothered her with one of their ticks. My favorite scene by far is at the hospital when she's running from the cops and she ends up in the NICU of the hospital. Laverne Cox's character catches up to her and the only thing Lindy can do is look down and throw some babies at her. Not fake babies, real babies at the hospital. It's so fucking bad. I just can't get over that this was written down on paper, typed up on a laptop, submitted to multiple people for approval, and they said, yeah, you know what? This is gold right here. I can't wait for audiences to see our heroine pick up little children, little infants, and throw them at the cop to catch like she's in Naked Gun 33 and a third. This was about the point in the movie where I started doing other things because I just, I can't anymore because they're shitty films. They come out so quick. They're churned out so fast. There's no thought put into them. No care. It's got the garbage in it too. The writer is just such a freaking hack. She has to put in the one or two stupid lines about how the men suck and she's going to take his balls and it's got that feminist angle to it which normally I can look past. I don't care that much about that stuff. This was just so bad. It insulted me from every angle so I have to point it out. There's a lot of that crap in it too. The music, by the way, we have a female pop punk group or many. I don't know. I've never heard any of these songs before. They're all atrociously bad and really out of place in the film. Towards the end of the movie she has to get inside of a building so how does she do it? Well, she scales the side of it. She puts up it like this. She's doing this up an entire massive building. It's so freaking bonkers and this movie is not really having fun. It's trying to. It's trying to be kind of silly and whimsical but it fails at every corner. I didn't laugh once. The action is inexplicably bad with slow-mo speed-up shots. Not for her style but to mask really poor, horrendous choreography nothing lands. No impact is felt much like gunpowder milkshake that I just reviewed recently. That somehow has better action than this. We are really treated to a fantastic fight towards the end though where she takes on like six or seven guys and the camera crew, the directors clearly just fully checked out at this point. It's some of the worst choreography I've ever seen in my life. The movie ends with Kate Beckinsale once again appropriately admiring her Nikon camera. Is it Nikon or Nikon? I think it's Nikon. Who cares? Before Susan Sarandon shows up she was narrating the beginning of the film for no reason at all. She's in this for about, I'd say, a minute to kind of lead us into the sequel that will definitely never happen and I do love when films have the cojones to think they have what it takes to earn a sequel. Someone on my channel recently recommended that anytime I talk about a really bad movie I should offer something else to watch that's similar. This is an easy one. If you want to see a cool, slick action fighting film with Kate Beckinsale, look no further than Underworld. The sequel's not so much but the first one's good enough. It's no blade it's like a poor man's blade but at least we get to see hot sexy Kate in skin tight leather kicking some vampire and werewolf ass. I think there's a, well the werewolf I think is on her side actually. It's been a long time I just remember Underworld's pretty cool. I'm gonna give Jolt 2 out of 10 strong female lead babies. Thanks Amazon Prime Video. You truly are the gift that keeps on giving me nothing. Thanks for watching the video. If you haven't, please feel free to sub to Adam Does Movies. I put out content weekly. You can also hit that join button if you want to be a member and get access to the cringe which is a satirical show I do. It's also available for patreons at any price point even starting at a dollar. I'm on Tiktok I got a second channel called Adam Olinger I'm on Twitch at Adam Olinger I'm places I'm around