 Taking inspiration from musical movie journeys like Purple Rain from Prince, Jennifer Lopez sets out to do the same thing with her movie. This is me. Dot, dot, dot. Now. Unfortunately, this doesn't have the Pink Floyd's The Wall charm to it or Michael Jackson's Moonwalker craziness. It's just insultingly bad on every single sense you have. This is me. Dot, dot, dot. Now is the name of the film. A one-hour journey that felt like seven. And for some reason my wife convinced me to watch it, so now I'm going to cry and complain online because that's what we do. Let's begin. Before I jump in, if you like watching a grown-ass man suffer through some of the worst atrocities ever put to film, subscribe to the channel because this isn't the only time it's happened. Netflix, Amazon, Apple, Peacock, they all come out with these terrible things. And for some reason, for some reason I still watch them. Not since the cinematic masterpiece known simply as Gile has Jennifer Lopez shown such range in the terrible acting department. And sure, she's had a couple decent movies in the past. Anaconda and such. I know what you're thinking. Adam ENOUGH was an alright film too. And you might be right, I can't imagine I've seen it. But my wife Lindsay has seen a lot of these and she kind of likes the schlocky rom-com shit Jennifer Lopez has done. She likes the spicy attitude, the tough as nails woman who will stand up against all odds. But that's not really what this is me. Dot, dot, dot. Now is all about. I can't decide if I'm going to keep saying the dots every time or if I'm just going to say this is me. Now. And just put the pregnant pause in there as the title wants me to do. So what's this movie all about? Well, for starters, it's an Amazon Prime exclusive so it's got that going against it. Number two, it is truly only about an hour long. Really less. It's like 54 minutes long with 15 minutes of credits for some reason. There's I think a lot of animators working on this or AI. It looked more like AI, but we'll get to that. We'll get to that piece in a second. I can't tell you what it's about because I don't think anybody knows. It's really whatever you want it to be at the end of the day. It's a spiritual journey through the mind, the body, and the soul of JLo as she goes through her marriages in a abstract artsy sort of fashion told through story hour. And there's also commentary going on by a bunch of random mass celebrities that JLo managed to coerce into being in this thing. Sofia Vergara, Post Malone, Jane Fonda for some reason, Kiki Palmer, Fat Joe, Trevor Noah, and Jennifer Lopez is kind of playing different characters too because of whatever is happening with the makeup and her face and whatever surgeries she had. Don't get me wrong. She looks fantastic. I don't know how old she is, but she's older than I am and she looks younger. Whatever works being done, maybe it's just hard work and I'm not just getting to the gym enough working on my fitness or it's good genetics or it's facial creams or it's plastic surgery. I don't know. I don't know, but sometimes she looks a lot like Ariana Grande. Sometimes she looks like Jennifer Lopez from the 80s. Sometimes she looks like Jennifer Lopez from the future. This, I guess I would say experience takes place in three different formats. We have this movie, this horrible amalgamation of everything I hate in this world put onto the screen. We also have an album dropping. I think it came out already or it's dropping soon. It has the same music from the film. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can see it. You can believe it. And then there's the documentary on this movie and on JLo figuring out how she wants to make it work or more importantly not work. I did not watch the doc, you. I did not watch the doc. I decided, you know what, Adam? Life is precious and you've already wasted an hour of it on this garbage. So get some sleep, son. You've earned it. What Jennifer Lopez really is teaching us at the end of the day is to not be fooled by the rocks that she's got. She's still very much Jenny from the block, but she's wearing a lot of rocks in this thing. Like every scene she's in, I feel like a couple million dollars are walking around a green screen. There's nothing to connect to in this movie. It's just so vain. It's so all about her at the end of the day, how she falls in love with these three super handsome guys that look like they're maybe 20 years younger than her every single time and how they've hurt her physically, emotionally, all of the above and how she has to rise up and take on these odds and walk away and be the stronger one. No one has names in this. They just have labels. I was confused. I went to IMDB and confirmed that. In fact, that is the case. No one has names in this. There's the artist, which is JLo. We're really stretching the term artist. There's the fighter, the therapist, the cynic, the new guy, the idealist, the realist, the candlestick makers probably in there somewhere. I don't fucking know. I do know this. Not only can you not connect to any of the characters because they're just trivial things that JLo has conjured up, but there's no story. It just jumps around about a woman trying to find love. She's a lost flower petal, a leader, or whatever the story was that opens up the movie that I truly believe was built with AI. I mean, maybe someone that worked on this film will see this and go, oh no, Adam, I actually animated this shit. It was crazy. It was wild stuff because the first few minutes are just these backup shots of all this garbage getting thrown at the screen. It's kind of impressive for a few minutes until the nausea kicks in because this thing keeps pulling back further and further and further and then we get to the scenes of the movie themselves. Holy shit. I do not believe for a second she was even on a set at any point. Maybe at one point when there was a wedding scene because there's a little blooper reel at the way end. You can do yourself the disservice of watching if you want. She picks up cake and starts throwing to that people. She's relatable. She's down to earth. This is a musical experience like no other. Because I don't think anything else in this planet is as bad as this. I would rather watch Cats Again and that's the honest of God's truth and that's an hour longer than this thing. How's the music? Thank you for asking. It's not great. I like some of her songs from the past, preferably the ones featuring Ja Rule. Baby crazy because I'm real. The way you walk, the way you move. That's a good jam. I'm real. I believe it's called. I like that song. She's got better stuff. She's got better stuff. None of it's on this movie. None of it's on the album I would imagine. A lot of pretty generic sounding poppy crap. Nothing really making a nod your head. Nothing really having you slam your foot to the beat. Although there's a lot of slamming to beats in this movie because the dancers are all in. The choreography is out of control. People are smashing stuff down. JLo's on the ground more than she's standing. She's on her knees all the time looking up yelling. She's really upset. There's a mechanical beating CG heart early on in a warehouse scene where I guess she works in a refinery of sorts that makes metal pedals or some shit. I don't know. If you want me to break this movie down from the most basic plot I could, it starts out with her on a motorcycle ride with her lover. They're on I don't know if it's water or ice. It looks to be both. It's maybe the dumbest place you could possibly ride a bike together and spoiler alert it doesn't end well. They get in the most absurd crash ever conceived. The bike rolls like 5,000 times. Michael Bay's looking at that going okay calm down. Calm down champ. It's just she falls into a coma and we fall inside of her psyche and that's where we're gonna get the backstory and we're gonna get these different connections she has with men and how she needs to find true love through all the heartbreak and sadness and that's the whole movie and then everything after that's shenanigans. It's nonsense. It's antics. It's nightmare fuel. The other actors that show up Jane Fonda, Neil deGrasse, Tyson for whatever fucking reason they're clearly never together on set. They just green screen them all in their little ceremonial garbs and then put them on a background up in the stars because they're constellations. They're gods and legends looking down and just judging her and hoping the best I guess. I believe the budget for this film was 20 million dollars. That could have gone to literally anything else and it would have been a better use of that money. As far as the effects go, sometimes they're cool looking I guess. She's in a glass house. There's commentary there about throwing stones or something. It doesn't matter. People are tethered together. They're dancing. They're fighting and you know there's CG stuff all over the place. This whole movie CG. She yells, glass breaks. It flies around in slow motion. I hate myself for watching this movie. So animators I guess worked on it or computers. Something worked on this atrocious thing and they did what they could. They did what they could. What do you do at the end of the day when Jenny from the block walks up to you and says, listen jackass. I want to be on a couch in my nightgown which of course is Prada or Gucci or whatever super rich people wear. It's probably something I don't know the name of because it falls out of my purview. They're too rich for me to even know what they wear. But she says to these guys, listen idiots. I'm going to be on a couch. The couch can maybe be real. I'm not sure but the rest of it's all fake. Fake fire, fake fireplace, fake house, fake everything. Even my voice is fake. It's going to be auto-tuned to shit. People are going to love it because I'm a treasure. I was Selena damn it. If you're wondering if the blushing groom is in this, you bet your ass he is. Ben Affleck, Duncan Donuts himself. He's in here playing a news anchor for some sort of a cable network show that's just on a TV in the background. He has terrible prosthetics on, kind of masking his face and he's just kind of angrily yelling stuff in the background once in a while until the end credits when he gets his time to shine. He has a bit of dialogue. He gets to vomit out. It's awful, redundant. He says love is love. Love yourself. Love your friends. Love your lover or something. I don't know. It's awful. I think the takeaway from all of this is maybe these studios could spend time on shit that's not awful. I understand Jennifer Lopez is a celebrity. She's a commodity. People love her somewhere, somehow still. And so they're going to put a movie out and they're going to spend money on it. But maybe let's do a once-over on the script. Maybe see the stack over there in the corner from other people that you could spend less money on. You could probably do like five movies on the scripts over there instead of one $20 million dollar pile of shit. Just my two cents is probably worth nothing, but I'm going to throw it out there anyways because I watched this horrible nightmare of a film. All right, let me know if you watch this or if you were wise enough to see a stinker ahead of time and you don't listen to what your wife or husband tells you. If you hated this film as much as I did, please subscribe to the channel because you appreciate honesty and that's what I provide here. I want to save people time and heartache from watching this or give them a sense of a voice that they're not alone, that I too have struggled through watching some of this trash with them. And here we are together. Please like the video, comment. Let me know if you did watch this thing or if you knew this was going to be horrible from day one. I had no idea. I went and blind and then what an experience it was. There's a super thanks icon under the video. If you had a good time, you could throw a dollar or five my way, say hey Adam, this was great. Thanks for doing this. I would appreciate it and hopefully I see you next time.