 The song is suggesting that we are feeling some type of loving situation. My name is Valentina and it kind of does mean love. Thank you for staying with us. Why in the morning is the hottest breakfast show around Lake? The Moto, Kuli Kojoto, February and January 2. Thank you for staying with us from 7 to 10 a.m. We're just about to finish it up all nice and wrap it up in a boat with girls talk. At our conversation today is losing yourself in a relationship. Now we're going to first describe what losing yourself means and then we figure out what to do from there. At Y254 on Facebook, at Y254 channel on Twitter. Hashtag is Y in the morning. Please talk to me. Tell me how you feel about it. If you've lost yourself, if you're losing yourself currently, if you don't even know, if you're lost, it won't be here. Hi guys. Hi. I'm not sure if I've lost myself or not. I'm not sure if I've lost myself or not. I'm not sure if I've lost myself or not. I'm not sure if I've lost myself or not. But I'm not sure if I've lost myself or not. What's your name? I'm Calvin, a student of University of Nairobi doing journalism. You're not going to smile? I'm not going to dimple my early name. Show us. So losing yourself in a relationship to the definition of losing yourself in a relationship is whereby you change the person that you are and try to retain someone's personality just to please your partner, just to please someone that you are in a relationship with. So that's the meaning of losing yourself in a relationship. There are very many ways that can lead someone to losing a relationship. The first is when you sacrifice a lot, you sacrifice your interests because of your partner. I know your partner's interests should be of interest to you too. But there is some point that you sacrifice your own interests just to fit the interests of your partner. That's not nice, is it? There is another one, changing your decisions to fit your partner's personal decision that if your partner says this, you automatically agrees with it. Atakama ni ba, I just agree with it. That will lead you into losing yourself in a relationship. Okay, now before you continue, I don't know if you can imagine it, but I'm sure it will. Are you ready? Alright, so tell me your name. Noura Albiambu. Social media. Noura Yvonne on Instagram, Noura Yvonne on Twitter, Noura Yvonne on Facebook. And you are queen. I'm Noura Oware. My social and those are Noura Oware at Instagram, Noura Oware at Facebook, Noura Oware at Twitter. Yes. I'm Trixie Mwende, and you can find me on our social media platforms, it's Trixie Mwende. A bit of a smile on your face. Don't be so stiff. Don't worry. Okay, can we start in reverse? The second one was changing your decisions. So, this is at the top of my head. So, I'm going to change my makeup. And then, let's say my significant other, Hapendi, my name on her makeup. But I'll give her makeup. So, now I'll stop wearing makeup just for him. All of it. Do you think that's right? Would you? No, that's not right. When you're in a relationship, just be yourself. Instead of you faking, like, it's me Noura, let me be Noura. But, let me know to be someone else. I'll laugh or die, I'll end up in a machine. Because you can't fake it forever. And it's a lot of work. You can't take time. And by the time, you're like, I'm tired of faking, like being Noura. Let me just be myself. Then the guy would lose interest in me. Because at the moment you can, you started by being someone else. You see. Forced advertising. I want to bring up something. It's a story. Maybe they have a particular body size. And I was talking about body shape yesterday. That's everything from 1GB to plus size. Now everything in between. So you'd find maybe you're small. You're small in frame. But your boyfriend is always there. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. You'll go after me. I don't know. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. So now you start working your way. No, it's not for yourself. I'm okay. I'm okay. Do you think that's fair? That's fair. But most of the time we find ourselves in that pressure. They need to... If, for example, my boyfriend likes thick girls, unless I'm petite, I feel they need to maybe use vitamins to eat so that I can gain weight. Use maybe these plastic things that people just put on so that they can... Yeah. Body shape as well as those ones. Because you feel they need... Like, you feel... I feel like I'm not good at body size because I'm not good at it. Because I'm not good at it. So your pressure is more. Especially with them, yeah. You wanted to say something. I'm there. Now, the second point of view here, Charlie. What's the pressure? Oh, like... At the dems as well, I'm not going to throw it away. I'm not going to throw it away from now on. Oh. It depends on your personality. Yeah. We also have... We also face pressure as boy-child. At a CC, we always lose ourselves in relationships. How? Like... Like... If... If... If... See, I'm not going to throw away my boy-son. Like, even as boy-child, we always love... Can't you believe what he's saying? Yeah. It's true. If you love so much, you always... If your girlfriend wants you... Like, some ladies say they don't like guys wearing official... Official wear. They like casual. Like, you want to change yourself into wearing casual. Because you love her so much. Because they once... Hi. I'm finding that a bit hard to believe. It's true. Gentlemen, do you suffer these same pressures? At WhiteFive on Facebook, at WhiteFive on Twitter, hashtag is Wyndamoy. Now, we got you a couple of slides to walk you through the process. Okay? So, today is Losing Yourself. So, we have a loosely said that losing yourself... Literally. Like, when you date someone, you can't remember all the things you used to like. You can't remember what you used to like. Because now you like everything him you like. So, for example, how many fans do you have? Manu. Manu. And then there's us, you know. So, God damn, girlfriend is a fan of us now. You're going to move teams? When it comes to boy child, the percentage of losing yourself into a relationship is something like three percent. Three percent. So, how many people do you have? Three percent. Three percent. So, how many people do you have? So, how many people do you have? All right. But tell me how it works. Why do you think we feel like this? Why do you think we have your need to take care of that? Why? Mostly, people want to be like, want to take care of the other person. Because they feel like, when, for example, they love the person too much, that they want to be like them. Like to impress them. So, they end up doing things so in order to please the other person. Yeah. What do you say about that? When you see in a relationship someone is trying to do things to please the guy. And the guy knows very well, me personally, Nora, I'm like this. And then he's trying to change me to be something else. I'm like, this guy loves you a hundred percent. Because if he loves you and you're like, you be yourself. You be who you are. If you're not going to be like who you are, it's leading you to a bad place. Then he will be there to guide you. But not changing. You'll find a case of a guy will tell you to lose your friends. Like, I don't like that lady. Don't see it with who. What do you expect him to do? Try to go home. Yeah. Don't go out with your friends. And him, you'll get some in such relationships. He will go out whenever he wants. And you can't ask him. And you can't ask him. You will not be there to tell him. I don't like that friend of yours. I don't want to see you with him. It will be like, who are you to question me? But when it comes to your case it's a different thing. Let me interview you. If you have a feeling, let's just talk about it. You look like you have a feeling. I had a lady friend of mine. She told me that her ex-boyfriend she was in support of feminism. But her ex-boyfriend thought it was anti-male. So that made the lady to avoid the support to feminism and turn to anti-male because of her boyfriend. So guys, I'm feeling, I have a feeling, all this time I thought we were losing ourselves because women love to love. They get lost in love. That sounds like a man can actually manipulate you into doing something. Because what is that? Why would someone feel threatened by someone who has maybe feministic ideals or something like that? Help me, talk to me at 254 on Facebook, at 254 channel on Twitter. Hashtag is white in the morning. Now let's walk through those slides. Alright, my super director, losing yourself. First slide. Don't forget to use the hashtag white in the morning. While they work on that, let's get to the next point, guys. Someone told me perhaps it's insecurities like at the Jipendi. White in the morning. White in the morning. White in the morning. White in the morning. White in the morning. That you fall in love with a guy, your partner more than yourself, you know na. Because these things always don't end up well. You'll find yourselfート We'll have sex and you don't even think about yourself. You don't take care of yourself any more, you're forever. But you don't know at the end of the day what you're thinking. So I said So you start with yourself first. Yes, don't lose yourself because like don't do something because the guy who says he loves you and you want to spend the rest of his life with you to like don't let him control you but it will chance kiddo girl where you think he's right but see at the someone value potato the way you are and you want to change everything about to value now you don't to watch because you know my new but if you love the girl you love spaghetti now you hate spaghetti I think why people also lose themselves not in securities like you don't love yourself it's like maybe you see this guy he's hot and then other girls are hitting on her on him yeah so feel insecure like you want to be if you are maybe slender you and your guy loves thick your life's thick guys go to an extent of going doing some like using the mini shape enhancers so as to please your guy it's not like you don't love yourself but in securities in that we see that your guy might be taken away by some other girl outside there and I'm really glad you said that because that was the king I don't want to kill us and maybe I'm not directed to you to get to clearly guys couldn't I'm too there's that career that you know and as a change mind so imagine in a situation where you want to go do something we want to go out the boys much ball I miss if I'm not mean if I'm not ball this is just an example but we see if I'm not ball so to teach me to teach skoma skoma when they like you you're not having a good time and then you're just a man they matter is you watch games so this that feeling for a man say what you're doing if I mean is a cool fresh ass yeah I don't even know but how do we get over this feeling you can't say you can't get over it like it will take time because I don't even that feeling I don't think that feeling can be all when you get in a relationship you're happy the first first day is the honeymoon phase then when when months pass by weeks pass by months pass by you feel like where did even choose me you don't feel worthy enough of him you start looking at your flaws you start seeing flaws you never saw in you before you started you start feeling like I need to I need to change this I need to enhance this I need to do this and that and this and that because if you're in a relationship and you've fallen in love with someone because you know feel any time he's out there you might see someone else who is better than you my gosh yeah so I don't think we can get away of that feeling but we can try not to lose ourselves in a relationship you can try as much as possible appreciate you and insecurity also when when when you become insecure that's when you're nice of feelings is okay I need to love food for his sake I need to start eating pizza because this girl loves pizza yeah we're going to insecure and it's right as much as possible to be sure swathe of your guy you need to trust him yeah that's it we are getting a buzz I hope you are writing down the notes okay at 254 Facebook at 254 channel on Twitter hashtag is white in the money hi Freddy I have a poor student yes it but anyway can we go to our slides now we were describing what losing oneself is and loosely defined it is to be engrossed in another person to the point that you neglect yourself for example if a significant other likes to drink alcohol and you don't you'll drink just to make him feel good and I I I do not think that this is healthy this this is what I have a lot like you see for example most of the girls they're not party like they're not out going sauna and you end up dating a guy like eating every weekend like from Thursday Friday Saturday he just want to drink if you will not go out then you want to be like hi babe I'm going to their drink I'm coming and drinking the house together and then you'll be like I don't want to drink I only drink maybe once after three months and then they're going to be like you're so boring you see like you don't know how to have fun I don't even know why I'm dating you so like you'll have security issues that's a horrible thing to say first of this guy is cute this case very handsome and I think and it's a new but he goes out partying with another woman club since I'm not drinking then we'll find ourselves starting to drink it don't go make shot shot shot even worse next social media that that incident is very common when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend in campus then like Fridays they almost go for partying so if a boy if a guy has a girlfriend who is not drinking or not partying like they said then they are going for our party on a Friday then the girlfriend doesn't want to go obviously you want to go alone because will bring in security to the lady so it will influence the lady to start drinking to get a feeling secure my guy goes to the party you'll find someone else who is drinking who likes pathing and you leave me so that will influence the lady to start pathing and drinking wow I wish we could bring her I've almost lost my train of thought yes so I imagine a situation so make up oh me some of the cool no but baby not okay so which part appear now not cool so not cool you say I couldn't excess you know the plan of coming to the room and say yes to you picture my friends because of one of changing these things are so disrespectful we have you can do the madame my day did you come if you're coming back I'm bad at your because of a what's on Facebook at what's on Twitter hashtag is one in the morning now the second question of the day is why do women lose themselves why why do we lose us we've listed a couple of things and which has given us two big reasons but as we continue why do we women lose themselves so to me grace any in security and that insecurity involves I'll do something with him with him because I don't want him to leave me exactly and you at the time when you're doing it you don't like think about your health you say me hey how will this thing affect me you're just thinking there for the sake of love for the sake of relationship because now there's ladies fair being singled on many kid or girl why else do you think we have such insecurities do others I even get who took us I yeah we decided to bring our boyfriends which one of us will be confidently one because my name is Kiona much higher now we can control themselves but men they just can't it's true it's true why it's true if not only two percent maybe it's true actually it's like 98% okay I know of someone who was in a relationship so like okay this person met another girl well in this really let's say let's say you updating her and then you meet a group of people and I mean that group and then you just like me and you leave her for me within days yeah so so that happens men men can just and then and then even that relationship will be like okay if he did that for for me why can't he do that for someone else see you think that it just going is just going to do that again so yeah men men can't just control themselves it's just something that's there you can't help me country is where you cannot always you could do it over you know what it means so is there a problem with itself control with Africans I think I don't agree with that not all all guys can't control themselves although it's a quite a big percentage how do we tell the others apart how do I know man only an energy control exact science and symptoms I think if your guy can't control himself like at a panda your friend and leave you for your friend I don't think he like he loves you and that is not your friend I don't think he loves you if there's love maybe and as a crush a best echo but I don't think you'll reach the point of leaving you for that point trust me it reaches that point to the person yeah who does it depend on on the guy the guy the guy like who now other guys who who are any or me that that they can't they can't have one girlfriend and they believe in a perspective if you leave if you leave your mango to get tripe someone's I'm always eating it with salt so they believe in having many girlfriends but I think that's just your personality not all guys are the same there's some guys that when at the point where when they love you they'll be committed in that relationship they will never play they'll never cheat on you trust me maybe like those days but not days of ours right now much and honestly I believe that again when you want a man of a certain caliber you have to be a woman of a certain caliber yeah you cannot just find this man you attract who you are thank you you have to level up the level up but at the end of the day you end up being disappointed but then if you want him just have to keep up with these standards like because I have an example of a friend of mine like who tried to level up like your standard like to you know like the way you present yourself to a guy is the same same way the guy will treat you will take it because of how you are right so like this lady tried to level up the way all of us are saying but she ended up being disappointed at the end of the day like you try that like it's just trying with our topic like you try losing yourself because like you want to make him feel good I want to make him feel happy so not maintain the class that you don't even fit and therefore at the end of the day you're just looking at yourself and you're like really really that's how you find someone has a wife and children exactly with the house with the house exactly I really don't know can we can we focus on on that question first of all just a little bit what the last thing you said what are my missing and and something else to say so I this thing that doesn't only apply co-relationship lovey-dovey issues also friends let's say Nora is my friend and like I want to impress Nora in everything I have to ask Nora can I do this like I want to impress her in everything so not but at Nora maybe she goes out clubbing I don't but then because she's my friend I want to like fit where level your friendship and out and blah blah blah and stuff and stuff so as I imagine come a friendship can influence you that much how about someone that you love with all your heart so it's something very serious yeah yeah no and we are very emotional creatures umesquia that maybe wasn't even about me yeah like when when someone cheats on another person let's say someone cheats on me that's not a reflection of me as a person that's a reflection of the other person you know this there's nothing wrong with me like this way I really don't like that question that you do you am I not enough you are enough imagine like you are enough someone out there for you that guys you have to find the person you are compatible with so when he's cheating is cheating on himself allow him in fact what same at humungu asante thank you for helping me dodge a bullet may this person be someone else's headache from now on bless you now you will continue with that okay yeah good all right someone better than him you know they're trying to generalize it on and taking it to the guy side even girls cheat I would not be surprised if girls cheated more than guys it's just that they're not caught I would not be surprised yeah not these they've developed it's not it's all right so we have feedback at what platform Facebook at what platform channel on Twitter so we have William Adaro at Adaro William there is this that there was this time I was like shining armor to my queen wow and I always wanted to make her feel the best to the point I neglected most of my friends and the fun we used to have together can I read that again wow there was this time I was like shining armor to my queen and I was and I always wanted to make her feel the best to the point I neglected most of my friends and the fun we used to have together so come a boy child and as a man there's more all right so we have Kevin simple guys do love one time I think it's more than a kid over I put me to pay my hi at you guys you have more than girls okay it's just that we understand you girls more I once you have dated more than six girls you can know how to handle any girl in the world if it's money you will show you have if it's fun or being funny I tell you a guy can be for you and fake it they're very good they're very good at faking and they don't know how to tell someone that okay now most of them don't know to tell a girl like now I don't think this can work anymore they just move on to another name still there in the previous one so they just break multiple hearts as much as we are trying to but I know for a fact that girls relationship side but you know who your next boyfriend is like yes you just don't know it a shot but you know equal line so let's not be so hard on them but it's okay all right so we're still on why do women lose themselves so insecure you'd want that feeling for please don't leave me oh what what what what I can't live without you this case that girl who committed suicide because the boyfriend doesn't love her anymore or something yeah and you saw how beautiful she was and the person she was God God please God need to do something in our lives my friends this is why my campaign to love yourself is just so loud please love yourself like you are beautiful you are you should always put yourself fast fast and it's not that it is here to own a ring and I don't know you accept to give me one of the new co-height weight built to knock a sura in a car the hair that you cannot you cannot afford it's okay and choose your friends very very wisely who do I like you know from the beginning you know these are the type of friends I should hang out with because we'll get as in the advice they're giving you instead of building your relationship it's just bringing it down and by then when the relationship is down that the first people will sit down relax laugh at you talk shit about you celebrating instead of like trying to because before that relationship they were having fun with you together you are putting them on the front line everywhere you go you carry them with you nini if you have a problem with your boyfriend will go for help like you tell me this and this and this what do you guys think and they'll be there for you but when the relationship is done my friend yeah but you know you have to like to know like if it has happened to me and you make fun out of it and you are like hey just know you as it is once I heard someone say at a you've been cheated on because you are forcing issues you were trying to make him at a beef first of all you don't know what happens behind closed doors you don't be judging you don't know can you understand you don't know before they agreed I love would man them a cafe near the girl them kakitu Samuel Mia and then you want to go and say something like that we don't even joke about things like that here guys okay we're giving love however my name is Jane imagine it's difficult to read okay I'm just going to go ahead however my name is Jane imagine I'm a ganja smoker because I was trying to fit in some idiots life please tell what rainbow to be themselves wow girls yes it's cool to follow your heart but please carry along your brain like that if you must must must follow your heart drag drag the brains okay all right would you like to say something maybe how to say maybe wrap it up in a nutshell if if you're going to take home anything what would you like them to remember from this what I would say is that if you learn to love yourself first you won't find yourself losing yourself in a you want to lose yourself in any relationship because if you love yourself you'll respect yourself you'll put your morals fast you'll not compromise them for anything for his interest for his this and that you love yourself first so you'll first do what makes you happy before you can do what makes him happy yeah and that by that you'll be fine yeah I see another one kitty melody hashtag white in the morning Queens or Wednesday hey guys me being a guy I won't let my chick lose herself because of me because you as a joy she sure that's nice she really is the one for me I would tell her to stay real and be herself okay you say you want that now until you must love them as they come okay that is the agreement if we're going to be real then you must accept the realness because we are fake or we pretend to be some type of way due to not go up out and Cindy yeah I would want to say that both guys then both male boys and girls should learn to love themselves because you should learn to put yourself first your interest everything like be who you are and then the right person will love you if it's to stay if you still live in live you'll get another person yeah and also I don't know what video but she's always very controversial with everything that she says but she was like what he used the mean in your happy you what were you doing what you also using don't always be victim victim anti please oh just relax yourself move on okay funny funny thoughts at oh I'm going to kill myself I can't live without him were you born with him why you live for yourself don't live yeah how many years of life later past 18 how many guys have you dated how many people it wants to date you now that you have broken up with the other one and also you should come to slap it okay as for girls don't even when you choose that when you want to partner for you don't need to be fast to fall for somebody you should get first get to know them before because you know this is the person that you want to be with so but mommy they can pretend yeah but you can know two weeks or three weeks it's enough to know somebody and that's when I touch is and I was telling guys if they really really want more than one girlfriend you can't live without if you can't live with just one girlfriend then just ask for wisdom because the wisest man Solomon had around a thousand side chicks and three hundred and eighty something so if that's what please ask for wisdom so I think even as we need to ask for disarmament help us see if this guy's telling us that and also valve we should not also put a lot of blame to the guys yeah because they're good guys out there even if maybe ten percent out of the hundred percent they're good guys yeah it's only for you to find one there were the one that is right for you the one will accept you for who you are so that you don't find yourself in a situation that you have to lose yourself in order to please him yeah yeah all right Queen would you like to give me to my girls out there the only work area Daniel now I'm going to be second just be yourself just be yourself like don't try to do something to please someone which will end up hurt you and if it will hurt you then that means you'll even hurt your family members like you close friends and everyone that is close to you because God is there he's watching you and he knows the right man for you the man will accept like according to who you are so please don't fake it to please someone just be yourself thank you for watching me oh sorry the first step to a relationship is loving yourself more than you do to your partner the first thing is loving yourself like where should you love someone more than yourself now you'll always be there for yourself yes so the first thing is loving yourself more always love yourself first that's the first procedure then after loving yourself it will go to a point of building your own boundaries you know this is what I want this is the type of a guy or a lady that I want to be with evil you set your boundaries before going into a relationship so to come enjoy me I want this type of a guy or a lady that I want to be with that will be of help and will not help you into avoiding losing yourself in your relationship so you should know yourself also better be yourself be who you are accept yourself when you go accept yourself it will give the other person an opportunity to also accept you okay accept how can someone accept you come would you accept women now all right you heard it from the King himself he's advising us to love ourselves and I really think it's a good thing because it's important guys loving yourself is understanding your moods what you like what you don't like you know doing the best for you making decisions that future you will be proud of okay that's what loving yourself is let's do that okay at white black on Facebook at Y254 channel on Twitter hashtag is one the morning okay shout outs take a take a yes shout out to my loved ones who have been watching this show from the beginning till the end shout out to you my parents and my love Tamara baby shout out shout out to my mom and dad wherever they're watching shout out to my beautiful elder seal shout out to all my friends my one and only two my one and only two amma shout out to my friends of tuned in today shout out to my brothers and sister and sister shout out to my mom and dad and to Johnny don't this way okay shout out mommy shout out to my best friend Masi Musangi I love you so much and to my family and friends I love you too I think he also wants to say there's three words to you everybody we're gonna go now please have a fantastic week it's a Queens Wednesdays continue to be a Queens Wednesday throughout the day have an amazing when we have a repeat at 2 p.m. a later so if you missed it you can also catch us on YouTube at white 5 4 channel so when I started when we started rather I I said sticks and stores could break your bones but but words can never hurt me but words do hurt so let's do something let's say something nice to someone today okay so please carry it forward make someone feel good today all right guys see you