 Non-violent communication, verbal communication is often an inefficient tool. It's all too easily misinterpreted and that leads to undesired consequences and often adversarial relationships. Because there's a high degree of collaboration required in agile development, then we need much more communication than traditionally so as well. Not everyone finds effective communication comes easily, especially when they're in stressful situations. So sometimes having a structure to our communication can be helpful in getting a more constructive outcome. Non-violent communication is one such technique and it's based on separating out the various elements of communication, differentiating between objective data and subjective interpretation, as well as feelings and thoughts. NVC asks the communicator to take explicit responsibility for their choices and how they contribute to the communication. Effective non-violent communication almost always leads to more destructive disagreements and more authentic and fulfilling conversations, as well as greater empathy and awareness of others, which is a good thing. The basics of NVC are to state what you've observed, acknowledge how that makes you feel, explain why it makes you feel that way and what you would like somebody else to do. For example, my children regularly leave their bedroom lights on when they go to school. Now rather than shout at them or dock their pocket money, I might choose to adopt a non-violent communication stance. Something along the lines of, I see that you left your light on this morning when you went to school. This makes me feel frustrated because I don't like wasting electricity or money. Are you willing to try and switch your lights off in the morning? Of course, it might not work and it gives my children the option of declining my request. By separating the action of my feelings though, I am taking ownership. It's not them that's making me feel frustrated, but rather my need to reduce waste. While they may not have the same need that I do, hopefully they'll be able to acknowledge that I'm entitled to that view. Practicing this type of communication can feel strange to begin with and very forced, but over time it becomes a little bit more normal and it's a very respectful way to begin sharing our feelings with our teammates. If you want to learn more about non-violent communication and get professional guidance and support while practicing this communication tool, you can check out cmvc.org.