 The biggest mistake we make with narcissists, when you first got involved with a narcissist, everything seemed okay. You may not have suspected anything initially, but it soon took an unexpected turn where it was then thrown into chaos. You found yourself becoming a victim to their mood swings, emotional instability and disordered personality. How did it get to that point? How did the narcissist gain access to your life? You stuck around long enough to the point where you were groomed. You were prepared and trained for a purpose until you finally accepted and adapted to their behavior and expectations of you. You gave into their demands and you accepted that this is your new world. This is your new reality. If you could have seen into the future how this person was going to be, how they were going to treat you, would you have talked to them? Would you have given them a chance? Would you have stuck around? I'm sure you wouldn't have. If you have realized and accepted the consequences of doing that, you wouldn't willingly put yourself through that. You wouldn't want to experience all of those problems, but you didn't know any of this when you first met them. You didn't expect them to turn out this way when they first gained access into your life. They modified their personality and character to suit you, to be what you might want to see. They made themselves appear to be attractive or interesting. They acted as though they were heard to endanger when that's not who they really are. They intend to cause harm or trouble. They like to hurt people. That's who they really are. That's what they're really about, but they can't secure you as a source of supply by showing you who they really are. You wouldn't want anything to do with them. They would never get the chance to bring chaos and drama into your life. They would never get the chance to hurt you, so they have to find a way around this and they do this through charming you. They delight, attract and fascinate you. They agree with you. They use their ability to please and attract in order to influence you. They are trying to gain your love, admiration and respect, not because they want to develop any significant or meaningful thing with you, but because they want to control you and use you for their own benefit or need. And it works. You don't suspect any danger or threat because you're unaware of who you're dealing with. You're not aware or concerned of any potential danger because it's comforting. It improves your mood. They're being nice to you, so naturally this will come across as something pleasant. It's not something you're going to want to turn away. You're not going to want to resist it, but this is what they are using to entice you and allay your hostility or suspicions. It makes you focus on the emotional aspect of the situation rather than the intellectual component, which then gives them the ability to exploit you. It makes it easier for them to enter your life without critical observation or examination because you're unaware. The more charming or bubbly they may seem, the more fake they are, but it's their charm that allows them to bypass your rational mind. It makes you lack good judgment because they have captured your complete attention and focus. The biggest mistake we make with narcissists is when we fall for their charm, when we fall for their power or quality of delighting, attracting and fascinating others. When you fall for their charm, you're also falling for their dishonest scheme. You're giving them the ability to exploit you. There's nothing wrong with people being kind or polite, but charm is used to take charge. They're pursuing you. They're persistently seeking to form a relationship with you. You accept it because you want to be treated in a polite, respectful or considerate way, but you're unaware of the dangers that could result from this. Narcissists are not really charming. It's an illusion. It's deception. They're hiding who they really are to gain an advantage over you. They use charm to manipulate and control you. They know that by saying or doing certain things, they are going to get a specific reaction out of you. When you've developed some kind of relationship with them and you have an argument, they're still using their charm to get you back. It's not from any truthful acceptance. They pretend to be kind. They feed your ego, but this is not healthy behaviour. They give you excessive and insincere praise only to further their own interests. This is what sustains the illusion. It overrides your logic and reasoning because we tend not to be as critical to people who appear to be charming. People who are pleasant or attractive. People who don't appear to bring any danger or threat to us. We don't always want to deal with people who are straightforward or honest and this is where the narcissist is able to gain your trust and support by being kind and polite, but also by being indirect. But this is how they gain access to your life by seducing you with their charm and that is why you need to be very cautious when you are first meeting people. Anyone who seems too charming or too bubbly. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being kind or friendly, but with the narcissist it's done excessively. They're flattering and praising you. Feeding your ego until they have you eating out of their hand which is why you have to take yourself off the pedestal. Stop identifying yourself with what they're saying. Be realistic about who you are. Make a careful and critical examination of this person to ensure that they are credible and trustworthy. They are using their charm to manipulate you. Anyone who is charming does not have your best interest in mind. They are seeking to exploit you. They are seeking to make full use of and derive benefit from you in a way that might be considered unfair or underhand and they are seeking to abuse you. They have to be charming because there's no other way for them to do it. They have to be fake and that is why your best defense against them is to be real. Be real about yourself and be real about them. Continue to live and exist in reality. Don't let them drag you along for a ride in their fake world full of fake superficial nonsense. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you're lighter than 8, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries you can do with me, I'd love to have a coaching at gmail.com. Thank you for watching and I will talk to you soon.