 As-salamu alaikum and welcome to Making a House a Home with myself, Sanaa Aaraji and our guest, Fahima Mohamed, who is a qualified life coach and an NLP practitioner. As-salamu alaikum, Fahima. Alaykum salam. Now, today we're going to be discussing mental and physical abuse and the impact it has on us, which is a bit of an important subject really because a lot of us can suffer from mental abuse but we're not aware of at times. Yes, that's the thing. Can you go into some depth for me? Well, we are obviously sitting here in this show so it's really about mental and physical abuse within your home, in your family. It can happen a lot between spouses, it could happen between even parent, child relationships and a lot of anger and arguments can be considered like normal parts of a healthy sort of like relationship. However, psychologically, it is not and it's not really acceptable. And I think the more and more we think like that and feel like that, the more we can allow these things to happen to us and then we don't realize the effects and the impact and it's because of that. And it's very easy to sort of like gauge physical abuse, obviously, but I think it's more about the mental abuse that we feel that we don't know how to sort of define that and how to sort of adjust ourselves to sort of saying, well, actually, this is abuse, this is not acceptable and this is actually happening continuously and it's having an impact on my life which is negative and it's actually going to destroy me. So I feel that I need to be making aware for both men and women have this issue. It's not just a lot of the times we think, especially in our cultures, that it's always the women that are being abused but in today's day and age you find that it's quite equally both if not more towards the men and the men are not speaking about it because they're embarrassed and they feel they have no one to turn to and no one's going to believe them and because they're male they should be able to handle it, they should be able to overcome it but actually it's happening to them and it's really and even right now the suicidal rate even in our Western societies is really high amongst men because they don't really address their emotional issues in their mental state and whatever experiences that they're going through and I think in our homes women are becoming a lot stronger, they're much more powerful and it's a really good thing and they are working, they're earning, they're looking after the children some of them are even breadwinners and they have powerful positions in their careers and professions and they sometimes feel that they can express themselves a lot more but it's just to what extent does any individual express themselves that is harmful to the other side so these things need to be addressed and it's not acceptable in Islam in any sort of human state in mind to really put someone else down to embarrass them, to look at them in a way to make them feel that they're not good enough belittling them so these are the things they either control what you do, where you go, how you dress I can understand if you have those concerns because you are thinking of their safety and security but if you're doing it just out of the fact that you wanted your way for them then it has to be something to be considered also when it comes to mental abuse especially if you think it's just the ones that they're being a little bit the man or the woman is being a little bit possessive or obsessive over certain places that you go to and you're like oh that's just not acceptable, it's the one that's over it's fine but when it's continuous and it's controlling and it's actually not giving you that freedom to choose because even in a marriage, even in a home, we each individual have our own rights over each other and ourselves and we cannot abuse that just to think that we are the man of the house and it comes my way or we are the women that's earning and working and we have to have equal rights and equal say and we can express ourselves anyhow in any way we want we shouldn't and we have to be careful when women are really powerful in their careers and professionally that when they come home they can probably resent the other side if they're not on the same level and that's when the resentment turns into abuse yes and they don't even realize it and they don't see it so I want people to sort of like be aware of what it is that is mental and physical abuse physical abuse is normal we know we can see it we can see it we can feel it and it's physical obviously mental abuse is really a grey area where a lot of people find that especially in our cultures it is acceptable and it's the norm to be only having one person in that household make all the decisions for example whether or not they consider the other partner there might be occasions where that is viable and needed because that person has the knowledge or they're looking out for the whole family and they're looking at a bigger picture yes so that's why it's really according to individual households and their circumstances when I have clients come to me with these sort of issues of being controlled not having the right to make any decision or choices in anything in anything not even knowing what their partners earn and how it's spent I know it's a thing that in each home they can take it upon themselves to actually decide okay I leave that to you I'm happy for you to sort all of that out that's a different scenario but when one is seeking and asking that they want to be involved that they want to have more input they want to be part of that decision making and it's not being allowed and it's continuous then that's one part of a little bit of something that's not natural and normal and it's not just one thing it's the abuse as in the controlling the decision making preventing you from working and developing yourself being trapped being trapped being imprisoned in your mind being fearful that perhaps if you were not to do things the way that your spouse, female or male has said you start being scared like oh my god he or she is going to know that I haven't done it this way a very common thing nowadays is that of mental abuse and people are not aware of it because we know we have sociopaths and narcissists and those sort of individuals they have a tendency of sort of working with the other individual their partners for example to say that well it's your fault and you made me do this or you know you are not good enough and you're wrong and it's they're blaming all the time that you know at the end of the day whatever is done wrong the other person is blamed for it you know you are doing something wrong and you're not right and it's not good enough there are other things that is very dangerous we have to be in families and have connections and relationships but still have the right to express ourselves and to have control over our minds and our body and make decisions for ourselves and even if those decisions are not met we need to be able to sit comfortably and express it and you know have those dialogues to say well I want this I want to learn I want to do a course whatever it may be and have a conversation and when it's done in a healthy way to say well it's not like I don't want you to work because I don't want to develop yourself I want you to not work because I think that right now that stage is not perfect time for example because you know the kids still need you at home that's a different story so I talk to individuals in analyzing exactly where that stoppage is coming from and how often and for what reason and how has it come to that decision is it just being dictated you know is there an authoritative sort of like figure in that family or is it an actual discussion that's when you know all these things can be highlighted to know whether or not you are actually being mentally abused whether or not you are actually in a state in a mind that you know is not healthy for you in a relationship that is detrimental for you and sometimes it becomes habit we don't even realize and even the partner doesn't mean to be that way so we can't always assume that they meaning to be horrible to you maybe they brought up and they seen you know their father figure as the authority and always making the decisions and this is how it has been done but you need to voice that you need to tell them because if they are not being told what they are doing is wrong they don't know that they are doing what they are doing is wrong the first stage is first being aware that what you are doing what you are going through yourself is not necessarily healthy and making you happy it's not giving you the freedom to express yourself even if it doesn't come to the point where you get to what you want but you are able to express it understand the other person's point of view because in our cultures you know it is very much male dominated still and the household is you know the decision is mainly you know in that way there are a lot of modern families now especially with women working it is meant to be something that they talk about and that's the healthy way forward and compromise so I think in order to make sure that you don't have the sort of mental abuse you need to recognize that you have freedom of speech and of action within your home and you do have input and you have got a lot of dealing with things where your opinions matter your decisions are taken into consideration because mental abuse can be even if it's not physical you'll feel pain because of the stress in your mind because of the stress in your body and it can affect your relationships it can affect your self esteem, your confidence and it can really destroy you as a human especially if you don't talk about it it's actually worse than physical abuse it can be it can be worse than physically being abused because it's not because you can actually see it it's because someone can actually believe it that it's actually happening and it's true as well mental abuse can be sometimes even you or yourself might think well I'm being a little bit sensitive even he's not actually that bad to me so it's both ways you have to be very careful in diagnosing this in making yourself aware of it but it happens very often especially when you're living in families for such a long amount of time over years and you get used to certain habits and then you realize why is my life not moving forward why am I feeling even physical pain why am I being depressed why am I being stressed why am I not growing as an individual what's stopping me where is my my block is it the individual that's stopping me you can put yourself off doing certain things but when it continues over many years you have to question it yeah okay and when it comes to mental abuse not only can it impact adults but your children you could belittle your children without you knowing being a parent you could just say to them oh you're not really good at that that could be emotional abuse I was about to come on to that that's perfect so not only is it adults we sometimes forget to think hang on we might actually affect our children in the home with certain things that we say to them that we think is acceptable but it's not you know emotional abuse is is actually very common and we don't even realize a lot of the times when we are even mentally stable ourselves that we use it for our own benefit for our children in order for them to influence them to do something but we don't realize that it's damaging that's why I even coach parents to be coaching parents so they're not actually forcing their children in a direction that they think is safe for them in an unhealthy way because they're using emotionally you know sort of like abuse for that by saying if you don't do it this way you're going to end up that and doing this and you're going to do that and then they end up doing it but then they're unhappy doing it instead of giving them the advantages and the benefits and talking them through it and giving them meaning and understanding for doing certain things in life then you know that's a healthy way of influencing your children instead of emotionally abusing them like your mom you know heaven's under my feet and if you're going to make me cry and if you're not going to do that you know that degree and become a doctor then you know it's not going to happen for you your life's going to be you know and it does happen I don't adults have sat there professional really really successful and completely unhappy because the route they've chosen is because of their families and it's because of their emotional abuse that they have experienced throughout their life and yes it is it's something that we've laughed about but actually it's really serious so that's why I'm addressing this right now because literally adults have lived their entire life with this emotional abuse and they've taken a career they've taken on a marriage or they've taken on you know any decision in their lives that is so long term that they're living with very unhappily so that's the other side of it which is not so in the extreme end of it where it's physical and mental so you know it's the obvious but this sort of abuse is actually much more harsher because you don't see it coming it's a habit and you think you're pleasing somebody and to a certain extent we should have those qualities of sacrifice but to what extent exactly you think you're showing love to the child but in fact you're not or the child showing love to the parent at what cost and then when the child grows up if this is normal for them and they get married and they have children they have that same expectation of their child so it's just rolling on from generation to generation if no one is actually saying hang on I don't want to be a doctor I want to be a singer or if I want to be a chef so something has to be said to kind of identify that hang on there's a line between and what is on the verge of emotional or you know emotional abuse and you know our profit please be upon in many's family has stated as well that we are responsible for our dependence you know whether it's children or your spouse either way husband or wife for either emotional support or financial support whatever it may be so that's the man and the wife to be honest when I'm saying this so you know the man depends on the wife the husband depends you know both ways there's dependence and obviously your children depend on you and you also depend on your children to make sure that they are going to lead a life and live a life where you have guided them in the right way and it's going to be safe and it's not going to be looking back to say well you know you made me make this choice and you make me have this life actually now depressing for me there's such a high rate of depression anxiety and stress and it starts with our family homes we think that the outside environment really really you know makes a difference but actually it's our home a lot of the times parents come to me worrying about the amount of time that they are spent in school and the influence that is at school yes there is a certain percentage that's there but actually what you really learn from and take from is your actual home so that's why we need to know these sort of states of minds that we're in we need to understand that even though we have a culture of obedience and a culture of respect and understanding we also within Islam there is freedom there is freedom in a family where we can express ourselves and we can communicate and we can come together as a family and have a discussion even on things that are controversial even the things that we're not going to like about each other and decisions and choices but we discuss it healthily giving meaning, understanding and the benefits or the disadvantages of whatever is choices that we want to make and decisions that we want to make then we can move forward in a much safer way and then we can actually move forward in a healthy mental state so these are the things that we need to be aware of and there is help out there if something doesn't sit right with you you trust your gut don't just keep accepting don't just keep tolerating because you're going to get what you tolerate in life you're going to, you know, that's what it is this is life it's coaches even, you know I can really coach anyone and everyone should see coaching and they're like, well I don't have an issue it's not about you having an issue what are you tolerating what are you putting up with what are you wanting to do that you're not getting now that's where I step in and help you through that process to get you where you want to get to can you tell me a bit more about the physical abuse and the effects it has as obvious as we say it is to some families and some cultures even in our sort of communities it is not that clear to a lot of people that the actual physical abuse is not acceptable it's very clearly stated that even though women or men or children should be obedient and should be respectful but to raise your hand or to, you know, be physical in any way is really something that is not acceptable and we need to speak up about it and a lot of the times even if it's not between the spouses it's very easily done to the children and even though it's law in this country but in the old times and what we feel now that it is something that's normal in our society to actually be physical with the child and just to think what it does to them because when you actually train and realize the impact the stages that children go through and how their mind is developing and what vulnerabilities they have and to add mental and especially physical abuse to them that can destroy their entire future that can destroy their present that can destroy them as people growing up into adults, teenagers, whatever it may be there's no self-esteem they think there's something wrong with them they think they're not good enough and also when you're in a household which has got more than one sibling and the way in which you treat each one individually you might not look at it as abuse but the way in which you treat them and if you don't actually vocalize and speak to them and say well get away with the little things or the young one gets away they will use it against themselves thinking that I'm actually a victim here I'm the middle child or I'm not loved enough I'm the younger, I'm the older whichever way they're going to look at it you as parents have to be so aware of your dealings with your children especially when there's more than a couple of them at different stages and it's not abuse but it can turn into it because of extraordinary habits exactly, yeah and that's what is also we look at abuse mentally and physically like the obvious but I'm actually talking about the things that we do on a daily basis that is actually detrimental for us and which we don't make ourselves aware of and physical abuse is something which should not ever ever and there's no need for it ever be used especially for children should not for any circumstances it can really lower somebody and make them feel so degraded and so powerless not just in their mind and in their body but in such a big way that they can actually lead themselves to thinking that they are nothing that they deserve it they should get that if they continue to allow it and they believe that actually I deserve that to happen to me and if there are children around which a lot of the time abuse cannot be hidden away from children they start to lose respect for the parent because if one parent is more authoritative and abusive they will gain respect to the person who is in control and tend to say for example if it's the mother being abused the mother will be below the child in a way where the child will be disrespectful towards that parent because they've seen their father act that way so it can also have an effect like that it works both ways to be honest depending on the individual child they can either use it as saying they role model father being abusive and they want to do it the same way when they grow up or they can turn it around and say well I'll never do that there's so many ways in which you look at it but we have to obviously be aware of the negative side of it so that it doesn't actually happen and continue in that negative way so obviously we know but I want people to be more aware of the little habits that people use against each other which can lead to something a lot more detrimental and you think that you're not poking with a knife but that pin constantly poking at you can do more damage over years than the actual knife which you see and you think no it's not right that's the only analogy I can really give you to make you understand as to what I'm trying to make you see as the little emotional and mental abuse that comes along the way it's a good way of putting it I think like you said we should take it very seriously very seriously and our homes are our sanctuary and if we don't feel peace if we don't feel safe and if we don't feel free then these sort of things need to be addressed because those are the three issues that are really important to be in a household regardless of how old you are how young you are and what's your position what's your role outside of it there has to be some sort of security in that house which is giving people some sort of accountability for how they live that's great thank you so much unfortunately we have to end that once again a great topic to discuss I mean it's reality we have to face reality this is what happens day in and day out where we'll be taking some questions from our dear viewers and inshallah we'll see you soon Assalamu alaikum and welcome back to the second part of making a house at home where we've been discussing physical and mental abuse with Fahim Muhammad now we are going to answer some questions from our viewers regarding this topic the first viewer is Sumeya and she says how can one find the love, respect and trust for your partner after they have been abusive towards you that is that is very hard to deal with but the fact that it's what she just said like as coaches it's very hard for me to describe it unless I'm in a session but just by your question the fact that she said after meaning that it is the past and you've got to recognize people that they make mistakes and we cannot label them for life and maybe they have their own issues for doing that it's not giving them an excuse for it because it's not acceptable but it's having understanding and empathy for the abuser that they have come to that stage in their life where they were abusive but they've taken steps to come out of it and you've got to see them for the new person that they are because to be honest we all make mistakes and we all do things and if we want to correct and develop ourselves we want people especially the ones that are close to us and connected to us to support us and see us with a new lens in order for us to grow and develop because actually that part of your development and growth and to change is other people giving you that chance and seeing you in that way and they give you that positivity by saying you know what you were that but I see you as better and when you see someone in that way knowing that they've hurt you but they're trying to make amends and because obviously it seems like there's still love there there's still a chance to move forward from this that even though you might have that feel of it coming back to you or that a little bit of bitterness the fact that they have done that to you because the impact is still there I'm not sure how long the stages have been but regardless the memories there you know even if the bruises are gone you know the memories there so we have to work on ourselves first to say that can I move past this and yes you can you definitely can you can forgive people if Allah can forgive we can forgive but doing it in reality isn't much more harder so I work with individuals to help them break it down very simply to say that as a human we are going to make mistakes and we can make the worst of mistakes but if you have love for them and if you see them in the light they will enter that light and they will stay there and that's the other way I can only say it and you do it in many ways give them hope, give them support have belief in them that they're going to do it you know sometimes a person changes for the better knowing that someone actually just believes in them that they can do it it's really powerful it's the motivation, it's the drive it's the encouragement it's also them knowing that someone loves and cares them after they have treated them in that way and they actually been given a second chance that could create such a bond and connection and relationship which is even better than anyone can imagine if it's done properly but it's hard on your own because people go through up and down it's not a smooth sailing road so you need help behind it because you're going to fall, you're going to slip you're going to go back to old ways and you're going to have these thoughts in your mind because as humans our brains constantly give us stories and a lot of it is protection and it's doubt and it's suspicion and that can hold us back from letting the other person move forward and us moving forward but when you have a coach constantly reminding holding you accountable that reminder that no, keep striving, keep moving forward remember, he's not that anymore she's not that anymore what are the steps that they're actually taking are they taking the steps and then you can focus on it when your focus is on something different to what you're scared of then you can bring that whatever you want a lot quicker it will arrive quicker so that phase that he was at will disappear it will be in the background and wherever they tend to become that will appear a lot faster and that vision will be clearer because of that focus so it's highly beneficial for them to kind of get that coach it's not easy and a coach, a trained qualified coach can help you through these stages and a lot of us we deal with it by ourselves we talk to our friends, our families and we hear lots of things no one makes the rules, there's no rules you give it your meaning everyone is giving you their opinion and then that makes you even more confused because everyone has their own view of what they think how they think you should deal with it if you just go to every friend or family they're not going to tell you the same thing at least with a coach, they're going to mean non-biased they're just going to say this is how it is this is how we should deal with it reality, yeah no culture involved, no think but you have your values and your principles whether it's by religion or not these are the things that I deal with so I have a selection of clients it doesn't have to be from my background or culture or religion they're all backgrounds all faces and experiences that they have on their own their own beliefs, it doesn't matter but I will bring out what they are to themselves, whatever is authentic to them so they can live life in a genuine way to their own values and beliefs in this particular case you do need to go through the stages because if someone wants to say to you why are you even giving them a second chance then it's so simple to just back off and then completely disregard that never let that person move forward or yourself move forward just from that one statement it's so powerful so give it a chance seek outside help if you cannot do it by yourself if you cannot read the books and if you cannot seek the advice there's plenty out there if you cannot do this alone especially if you're finding it a struggle already thinking that I cannot forgive of course you can forgive absolutely everyone can forgive but you've got to know how to forgive at what stage you need to move forward and how to get through those stages okay that's great thank you so much and inshallah that helps our dear sister to deal with those challenges the next viewer is Meyadeh and the question here is it's quite normal because I do consider the impact of my actions and words and how that they can affect my children however when staying or visiting other family or relatives especially the grandparents and they make negative comparative comments or just statements that judge demean my children then how can I respond to this that's quite deep yeah it's also another common scenario because in your home you're safe you're doing things the right way without other people respond react differently especially when it's relatives or family other family members you know grandparents as she's mentioned and they all have their own way of seeing things and doing things and also depending on the child's age but even still regardless of that you got to create a home that you set your boundaries but you should not be afraid for your children to experience these sort of things as well because this is life lessons you can't sugar coat them bubble wrap them box them up and label them and send them out they have to be open to that scrutiny they have to be able to take that emotionally too but with your support but with your way of being so that they feel safe to come back and talk to you if it bothers them and you can explain to them it'll be nice that we can go tell every person no I do it like this in my household when I go to your house can you also do it in that way to somewhere like that we all have our own rules and ideally it's nice to influence people and you could you could have an influence on those parents and you could actually address it if you're close enough or bring it up and say you know when you said that this is how my son or daughter responded when they came home and maybe they're not aware of it so it's a good thing to actually address it but if they're doing it deliberately they won't see your way even in a good way or they just want to complain and compare and say this one's grandparents or people just do it out of because of habit again they don't realize the impact so educate them firstly secondly educate your children that they are who they are they need to accept who they are and people are going to have opinions about them good or bad they're going to still also be okay with that they're not going to have a smooth clear road in front of them at a young age it's good to put that into them because we need to build individuals to overcome challenges in this life we are here as a test right yes so let that be a reminder that we are living through continuous tests as much as we love ourselves our husbands and wives and our children and we don't want them to get hurt they are going to feel some sort of hurt they are going to feel some sort of challenge they're going to have to overcome that so what we need to teach them is that's coming to you let's learn how to jump that let's learn how to walk through that let's learn how to cut that bridge or whatever break that wall if it's in our way children need to become more resilient much more resilient as parents we do wrap them in cotton wool we don't want them to take risk but in fact risk is what allows them to develop I feel sometimes I'm stopping my children progressing so every time I feel like I'm going to say no I don't want you to do that I'll say actually it's okay do it I'm watching yes that's the thing which is hard I think it's more hard for the parent than it is for the child it's not like you're just pushing them and saying go and fly right now they don't mind taking risks it's more the parents that have the issue because we have that awareness that they don't of the dangers of our own fears right so that's the other thing and we have a natural inept anyway as humans to sort of know as a survival whether or not we should fight or flight in psychology we do have this where we either you know run away from something or we stand there and fight and we have to learn even in circumstances as to which one we need to do we can't do the same for every situation too so psychology is so important in every stage in every way and the more you get yourself involved in it and you think that we're in a home we know and the Quran and the Hadith teaches us all yes it does but we need to be able to extract the information bring it into today's psychology you know put it together and live both healthily where we're living in the way of our religion with today's psychology and that's where Islam is modern and progressive with ourselves, with our spouses, with our children and that's where people are not actually doing and that's where there are problems in every area so mental and physical abuse is done like we explained not just in the obvious but it's done even through our own family members because of the way in which they approach things so we can avoid it when we have a tough mental state as well and we don't allow it to enter us and to infiltrate ourselves in the way in which we're thinking to make us depressed and to make us have low self-esteem and lack of confidence and things like that so we need to train our children but we need to have the training ourselves first and that mindset first and this is a lifelong learning what I do, it doesn't stop and me myself I'm continuously knowing I've got something else to learn and develop and remind myself or go to the next stage just like with medicine just like with anything else but the mind is powerful so you need to know that because it's powerful you can either allow it to rule you or you take control so you choose to respond to that and Shala hopefully that helps our dear viewer with those issues the next viewer we have is Hassan and he says I love my wife but I feel that her moods and temper really do affect me and this may not be real abuse but she does put me down and whatever I do is never good enough this has lowered my self-esteem and made me doubt my abilities and attributes how do I approach the situation I'm more upset and also taking me serious with regards to the impact it has on me now I'm really glad that a male has actually expressed their feelings because you don't get that so well done for being honest and being brave to come out there and speak definitely and I'm sure there's a lot of people out there with similar issues from a male's perspective and as women you know we can milk it we can actually use certain situations to say well we're moody and you know we're tired and we cannot cope and we expect the other to understand and there are times that they do need to understand but at the same time we can be a little bit more compassionate as well knowing that what we are as individuals the impact on the other person male or female to be fair but in this case you know as females we can run a little bit longer with the way in which we feel and use it as an excuse and it can be a bad habit that we create our lives are lived through habits whether it's from childhood or whether it's something new that we've learnt and we are quite manipulative even without thinking if we have a certain way of being and we get our way through it we will continue in that way in the effect on somebody else so firstly he needs to also be aware that his reality of what he's experiencing is real is it really what he's experiencing all the time because we generalize and we distort and we delete information is it real is this scenario all the time happening how often I will go through with him whoever it may be sitting with this case to say it's not bad when are the times that she's feeling moody which can be understandable or is it something where you know am I doing to encourage it or is something else in the surroundings that is encouraging it there's a lot of things to consider that's first then is she doing it with awareness because she's actually getting something out of it so she's playing moody or whatever it may be and are you actually communicating it to her to say that by you being and acting this way do you realize what it does for me and how does it impact me because I want your happiness but your moods or your way of being is not just making you unhappy it's making me unhappy it's making the whole environment and the whole energy in our life unhappy so there's a lot of issues to discuss it's very simple but at the same time you have to be careful because you don't want to belittle anything and you don't want to expand something you need to be very balanced in how you approach it and first and foremost we have to be knowing our reality because our minds take us to things and we generalize like children I hate school you know it's horrible for example and when I question someone what did you hate about school oh it was that particular incident then you realize you breaking it down it was actually just one incident that happened maybe at break time and you just remember it or it made you hate school actually you don't hate school you just hated that one incident so this is how an example of that is to show when we are claiming to have issues or problems is it real and if it's real then what's the next step how often and what it is so this is just an insight as to how I would work with individuals to sort of like firstly address these things and for them to also analyze it not just in this situation but everything else they can use the techniques and the strategies that I use for them in this particular situation for everything else around them whether it's their work or other relationships which will help them have more control of themselves and that's something that I like to do with individuals is them having more control of themselves in whatever state they are facing okay and I think that's very powerful it's very interesting to know that individuals have that ability if they have the awareness of it definitely thank you so much Mim Insha'Allah I hope that helps you brother Hassan and Insha'Allah you can find a solution try to find out how her day is because sometimes women if you don't know what their day is you can come into a situation where you haven't been around it can make us a bit moody well it can make me anyway but Insha'Allah hopefully you can find a solution for that unfortunately we have to come to the end of this show and discussing this topic again such a brilliant topic and thank you so much for all of your input Insha'Allah we'll see you again in another episode of Making a House a Home Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wabarakatuh