 narcissist and sex. What do they think about sex? How do they regard physical intimacy? Anyone who has been involved with a narcissist or been intimate with a narcissist will know that it is a very unpleasant and uncomfortable topic. The way that they regard physical intimacy could be considered as a distinguishing trait of a narcissist. Narcissists are not comfortable with real love. They are only interested in the image of love and how other people perceive it. They cannot experience real love because they have too much fear, shame and insecurity. They see love as a weakness. They see it as something to manipulate and exploit in other people. They will pretend to be interested in you emotionally and sexually even though it's something that they are not capable of experiencing. You cannot experience love when you have all of that hatred and resentment inside of you. But they assume that love comes from external sources rather than within. They know that other people need love and sex. So that is what they will use to manipulate you while having no attachment to it themselves. They just use it to dominate and control you. To keep you under their influence and authority. To get you to attach yourself to them. So that they can keep you in bondage. They can keep you as their slave. To keep you as their source of supply. And if you are watching my videos it's likely that you have been compliant with that. Which is something that you need to take responsibility for. You need to recognize that this is coming from an unmet desire in childhood. Where you didn't receive the attention and validation that you desired from your parent or caregiver. But of course the narcissist is also responsible for their part of manipulating and exploiting that unmet desire. That is what they're using to control you. For them to be able to control you. There cannot be any boundaries. And this includes sexual boundaries. They have to be able to do whatever they want with you. So that they can feel like they're in control. Because they're actually sexually insecure. Which stems from sexual emotional or psychological abuse in their childhood. Which made them feel like they're not enough. And that is why they will sleep around. They will have many sexual partners. Because they're trying to fill that void. They're trying to receive the validation that they never got in childhood. And at some point in their lives they learned that the way to do that is through sex. This is something they may have learned through child sexual abuse. Maybe they were molested by someone in their childhood. And they were rewarded for doing this. They felt validated. Or maybe they were abused by someone else. And they were not disciplined or taught anything about sex. Which then led them to believe that this behavior is okay. Which then resulted in them becoming sexually insecure. And seeking endless validation through sexual acts. They have to be in control. They have to dominate you sexually. Because they're sexually insecure. Where there's insecurity there's domination and control. They see sex as a way to get in. They see it as a weakness of vulnerability. It's a way to control you. But they never really feel like they're in control. They always feel like they have to do more. But when they target you, they have to have sex straight away. They will seem very impatient. Because it's a control factor. It measures the extent to which they believe they are in control of the environment. They see it as another thing they have over you. They see it as though they own you. So they need to have some form of sexual control. Because they're sexually insecure. Narcissists can't experience true physical intimacy. They can't experience love or an emotional connection. They just use sex to make you attach to them. They used to control you. But they do acknowledge that sex is a thing. They know that it exists. They know that it's something that you might desire. And they just see it as one of your little weaknesses. Another little thing that they can use to control you. And for this reason, they are obsessed with it. It's a big deal for them. Because it compensates for their sexual insecurity, their inability to feel what you feel. But they will often project this on to you. They will try to make you feel sexually insecure. As though there's something wrong with you for desiring sex, or for not wanting it as much as they do. So they project that on to you. They try to make you feel insecure. When you need to realize that this has nothing to do with you, this is coming from within them. They are sexually insecure. They have unresolved sexual issues. Things that may have occurred in their childhood. And this has led them to be obsessed with sex or not wanting anything to do with it at all. But it does often become an addiction where they see themselves and other people as sexual objects. As though we're just nothing more than objects of sexual desire. They objectify you through the projection of their own sexual insecurity. They are sexually insecure. So they require endless sexual validation. And then they hold you to that same standard of expectation. As though you should do the same. As though you should share the distorted way of thinking. So they try to own sex. They see it as though it's something that belongs to them. They try to gain control of it to compensate for their sexual insecurity. Because they need excessive admiration and praise. They use sex to feel like they're worth something. But then they also show aggression or independence. That always define or resistant to the very thing that they're trying to represent. They're very bitter and resentful. They're very angry when it comes to sex. So they try to get back at you by making you envious or jealous of something. Because although they need you, they hate that they need you. They resent you. They need sex and they also hate it at the same time. They hate that they need it. Because it requires them to be dependent on someone for their sexual validation. Which is why they always try to lessen your effectiveness, power or ability. They try to destabilise you and undermine your authority. But whatever they're doing with you, you could be sure that they've been doing that with someone else. And it was probably very recently. But it doesn't matter who the narcissist has sex with. It's not really important. Other than the validation they extract from it. Other than how it may feed their ego. But other than that, it's all the same. It's just the same act with a different person. Because there's never any true intimacy or emotional connection involved. They cannot experience that. They just see it as a household chore. It's something they do to get the result they want. So they can feel like they're worth something for a short period of time. But it never sustains them because the validation they're looking for, whether it's sexual or any other kind of validation, it's supposed to come from within. It's not meant to come from another person. But they see it as though external validation is something to be proud of. As though that means they're better than other people. When really, it just means that they're heavily dependent. It reveals that they never received the love and attention that they needed in childhood. Their lack of awareness blinds them to this truth. But it is the reason why they're so aggressive and trying to display independence. It's the reason why they're always defiant or resistant to the very thing that they're trying to represent. And why they're very bitter and resentful, because at one point in their lives, they trusted their parent or caregiver. They were dependent on them for validation. But they never received it. And that is why they can only see you as an object of sexual desire. They can't see you as anything else. If they don't see you as that, they will just use sex to hurt you. They will withhold sex from you. They will try to make you envious and jealous. They will become very angry and resentful towards you. And they will project their sexual insecurity onto you. What you need to do is recognize that this has nothing to do with you. Take responsibility for how you feel. Recognize that your validation and security should come from within. And also recognize that their behavior stems from them not receiving the love and attention that they needed from their parent or caregiver. That is why they have an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors. That is why the behavior is difficult to control. That is why they turn themselves into sexual objects. And that is why they will only ever see you as an object of sexual desire or as an object that is not of sexual desire. They can't see you as anything else because that's all that exists in the world of sexual trauma and dysfunction. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my paypal link is in the video description. Coaching in Cris, you can email me at coaching at Nartaviva.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.