 in the course it talks about these steps of forgiveness and basically the third step is is basically once something has has been exposed or it's not hidden and protected and it's offered overwhelmingly to the Holy Spirit Jesus says it is gone it's not like the Holy Spirit then has to say okay you got it this far now let me work on this a while it's like it's it's gone once the first two steps the exposing the not hiding and protecting and the offering it over then it is literally gone it's the third step is accomplished immediately so for me it's like over the years of working with my people and healing and myself for healing it's been it's been just turning the tables on that to start to feel like when the emotions when the darkness starts to come up to go instead of trying to have an immersive reaction or a judgmental reaction or harsh reaction to actually welcome the stuff to come up you know actively welcome it and I mean over the years it's taken different forms where I would say like bring it on or that Benatar you know hit me with your best shot fire away I've used different that's a really good one to use with the Holy Spirit hit me with your best shot fire away Holy Spirit really likes Pat Benatar that's what's going for it but the thing about it is I mean when you're going through when you seem to be going through something and in the ego is reacting to it you know judging and reacting that's that's not the time when you say that is for those kind of things it's more you just want to just crawl up and and go hide just crawl under a rock or you feel like you want to back off you know that's where people say stop hold up not so fast I can't this is overwhelming I can't take this I can't handle this but but generally for me I guess I went through a phase where I just started to welcome it and then when I welcomed it the face of David was wet with tears for many years after that invitation it was almost like we'll say millennium of denial and repression and then came the turn okay I welcome this even if it doesn't look pretty even if it doesn't feel pretty no matter how it looks let's let's get the healing in here let's go for this you know I really don't care how it's gonna look let's get get through it knowing that the ego just wants to minimize things it's all those defense mechanisms are designed were made to minimize fear without letting it go which which is really a just a trick you know the minimizing of fear seems good and you talk to anybody they say well that sounds good minimizing fear but the bottom part the real linchpin is without letting it go you know so that just means to perpetuate it if you're going to minimize it without letting it go so for me when I just decided I wasn't going to judge myself for however it looked or felt that was a big step huge step and then the tears came for many many years the intensity came the intensity of most of emotions was so strong that I really felt like I was gonna be crushed underneath it like how could people function how can you have a job how do you have a career and go for the healing of your mind you know in one sense it was hard to kind of like like how do you keep it together just seems like it's difficult enough in this world to keep together a career it's difficult enough to keep together relationships and families and whatever then when you give that kind of invitation to the Holy Spirit it's like wow that's like a washing away it does seem to be that certain things seem to fall apart melt away break down crumble you know those of course would be ego interpretations but that's then again the spirit is not going through an awakening process the spirit is awake it's the ego that's going to interpret the process every step of the way you know and it's usually quite a negative interpretation this hurts too much this is too painful you've got his love why does it hurt in my heart so much why is there an emptiness you know that's basically the ego protesting the whole awakening you know process it just is the ego is the belief that there is no God and the awakening is the experience that there's only God so you see there's not a lot of meeting point between there is no God and there's only God so I guess the more I just let it be however it was you know I always turn to music you know John Lennon whatever gets you through the night it's all right it's all right do it wrong or do it right it's all right it's all right you know that's the kind of songs I would get from the spirit you know it's like thank you for going for this thank for really giving it your willingness you're really putting the effort into it and then I think the more you open up that way the more miracles you start to have and then what seems like little glimmers of acceptance here and there which are very important at the beginning start to become more stabilized you start to feel this acceptance it is first comes like more of an allowance I just allow I allow I allow I allow it looks how it looks it feels how it feels I don't care I'm not going to judge and then after all this allowance you start to come more and more into state of acceptance which is really a another word for that is recognition this is just this is really who I am who I've always been the one you know the one the one spirit and so there's a stabilization that occurs with that acceptance but initially when you get little specks of acceptance all that does is it stirs the ego up even more the ego is is about non-acceptance little pinpoints of acceptance even start to poke holes in its facade and it just gets better and better you feel just wonderful when things turn right side up the most difficult phase is the beginning of the turn but then when you really get into the full swing of the turn and things turn right side up and everything stabilizes and it's like so natural so effortless don't even need vigilance at that point you know it's just like being carried along carry down a stream how difficult can that be