 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the common reasons why men say, you're intimidating, why do guys say you're intimidating? Well, we're gonna dive into that. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, I please ask you to hit that like button so it gets seen in the YouTube algorithms. And lastly, this is your explicit language warning. Yes, I do occasionally use expletives to enhance a sentence, not occasionally frequently. So if that is not your cup of tea, I highly suggest you logging off right now because there'll be some F-bombs thrown along the way. All right, our topic, the common reasons why men say you're intimidating. So let me share with you why I wanted to do this topic because I actually heard something very fascinating not too long ago from, I've actually heard this a number of times, but it really seemed to be prevalent recently, how some women have said, Jonathan, you're very intimidating. I couldn't be in relationship with you because you're intimidating. And I'm like, my first reaction is why? I'm just a big teddy bear guy. I mean, yes, I'm six foot two and I'm kind of big broad shoulder to whatnot. Why am I intimidating to someone? Because I really think I have, I mean, I have a hard exterior and I have a mushy exterior, interior. So why would someone be intimidated by that? Well, as I dug a little deeper with a few women and actually asked this question of some women, I know they said, well, a couple of things, Jonathan, many women might think that you might be because of what you do for a living because you're in personal development because you're kind of a therapist or a counselor that they might think that you might be analyzing them, that you might be analyzing them. And yeah, and quite frankly, that's true. I do analyze people. It's just kind of my nature to analyze people, to observe people because I'm fascinated with human behavior. So there's some truth to that. The other thing I heard in addition, oh, by the way, I'll get to men and women in the second, but the other thing I've heard is that a lot of women feel like I might know more about relationships than them and that feels intimidating. And I thought, well, why would that feel intimidating? The fact that I probably study relationships and know more to me feels like I could be a good guide to a person, but for someone to feel intimidated by that really leans into the conversation we're going to have today. What are the common reasons to feel intimidated by another human being? Before I share that though, I want to tell you two quick stories though, to illustrate something that I found very interesting when I've heard women say men are intimidated by them. So let me tell you the story about a woman I dated oh, about 12, 13 years ago. This was shortly after my divorce. I dated a drop dead gorgeous, beautiful woman who was very successful, multimillionaire, very successful in her life. And it was interesting, we got fixed up by someone. And right off the bat, I was a little intimidated by her only because I thought, wow, she's so gorgeous. What is she doing with me? That was kind of my first reaction, but I kind of got over that. And she's rich, what is she doing with me? And I kind of got over that, but I did have a temporary feeling of insecurity, a temporary feeling of insecurity. But once we began a relationship together, I didn't feel any insecure about the fact that she was an attractive woman interested in me and I didn't feel insecure that she had more financial wealth than I did. I didn't feel insecure about that. But what happened is we went on to go, we went on to have a couple of months relationship and then the relationship ended. Now, why I'm sharing this story is what was so fascinating to me is she began to tell all her friends that the reason, and by the way, I ended the relationship. And she began to tell all her friends the reason why I ended the relationship was that I was intimidated by her. I was intimidated by her. That was the furthest thing from the truth. The last thing I was was intimidated by her because the real reason why I ended the relationship was she seemed rather selfish. She was quite controlling. She was condescending to me and she wasn't a really good partner for me. We were misaligned in who we are and what we want. So that was the reason why I ended the relationship. But because she was so financially successful, she went on to believe that the narrative was, I wasn't interested in her because I felt inferior to her financial success. Which was the furthest thing from the truth. So I see a lot of successful, highly successful women state this narrative on a regular basis because they might have more wealth than a man. And that the reason why the man ended the relationship because he couldn't handle the wealth. Well, it's quite possible that they had a lot more to do with behavior than the fact that someone was financially successful then. Now, I wanna tell you another story and then I'll get into the real common reasons why this happens. So I wanted to tell you the story about a woman. This was a couple of years back. I swiped, by the way, if you're familiar with dating apps, the swiping right and swiping left, I swiped right to a very attractive woman who happened to live nearby me here where I live in Los Angeles, California. And as I scrolled through her pictures, I mean, she was a jock. I mean, she was jumping off of mountains and her pictures were skydiving and snowing and climbing and every picture was a jock picture in my mind. I called it jock. And what I mean is she was incredibly athletic. And right off the bat, I was a little bit intimidated by that. Now, what I mean by intimidated was I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted because I'm not a jock. I mean, not to say that I can't do all those things, but it isn't part of my daily life. And so I actually, we both swiped each other and so when she reached out to me because it was an app where she did the asking, I said, hey, look, I see that you're highly athletic and my instincts tell me that you probably would prefer to be with a man who's also highly athletic. Is that true for you? And she wrote me back and said, yes, that's exactly what I'm looking for. So while my initial reaction might've felt intimidation, it was really, I didn't think we were a good fit for one another. And so I actually expressed it early on and the beauty was she concurred what I had already thought and we didn't move forward in exploring a relationship together. So I'm trying to share with you what was going on inside my mind in two different cases where one woman claimed I was intimidated by her, which wasn't true. And another situation where I was a little bit concerned, we might not be aligned with one another. It felt a little intimidating. Oops, did you hear my voice? My pitch just went up. Felt a little intimidating, but the reality was is I felt a little insecure in the fact that I might not be accepted for the fact that I'm a little bit more of a homebody than I am an athletic person. Not to say I don't do athletic things, but it's not a constant in my life. It's just a small part of my life. So now I wanna lean into those common reasons that cause someone to claim that someone is intimidating. And the most common reason of all is a lack of feeling accepted, a lack of feeling accepted by another person. Anytime we feel like we may not be accepted by another person because they might have something more than what we have to offer. I'm gonna repeat that. They have something more than we have to offer. That can actually feel intimidating up to a person. This is why I'm such a big proponent of everybody reading my book, what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work as a vaccination to emotional chaos, which is usually a basis based on fears and insecurity of not being accepted for who we are. Let me repeat that. Fears and insecurities of not being accepted for who we are. Because that's the most common reason why someone might feel intimidated. Somebody might have something more than what they have and there is a fear that they won't be accepted for who they are because they have less. It might be wealth. It might be physical. It might be emotional. Like in the case of a lot of women, they feel it's fascinated to me that they think that they're inferior to me because I happen to know more. But that's just, but that's not true. I haven't done, very rarely does a woman or a man actually do something to intimidate a person. I want you to think about intimidating. Like someone has a baseball bat and is about to hit you. That can feel intimidating because you might get hurt, right? But the reality is from an emotional perspective or from a dating perspective, very few people actually do something to another person. It's usually when a person feels lack compared to someone else, they might feel less, they might have a feeling of not, they're not going to be accepted because they have less. And that's the actual narrative that happens when someone says or when someone claims that you're intimidating. It's because you happen to have a little more than somebody else and they feel like they won't be accepted. Now, is it could be that they're actually truly intimidated by that or they might not, by the way, I'm not going into those egoic men who feel like they need more than somebody else to feel superior. I'm not talking about those kinds of men. When a man rejects a woman, I'm gonna use the word rejects, but ends a relationship with a woman because she might have more than him and because he has an egoic competitive nature, that's not intimidation that caused him to leave. That's his ego being in a competitive mode of I have to be better than someone. And a lot of times that's the narrative that's going on is a lot of women say that they're intimidated by a woman's success, but it quite frankly could have simply been is his ego isn't appreciative of your success because he believes he has to have more, but that's not an intimidation. That's a competition to be better than someone. And when people are in competition with one another, those relationships tend to fail most of the time anyway. So I'm trying to give you some perspective on what might be actually happening when we hear the phrase I'm intimidated by you or when a woman says he's intimidated by me. At least these are some examples that I hope some shed some light so we can come from a place of compassion. We can come from a place of love. We can come from a place of understanding because this is one of the books I highly recommend to be in this state of being is read the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. This is a great book to take out all the gender bullshit and expectations and we can start coming from a heart centered compassionate place of approaching the dating process with a lot more love in our hearts and a lot less ego. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Hit that thumbs up or write an amen in the chat box. All right, I think it's time for Q and A right now. So we're gonna shift to Q and A for those that are on the live chat right now if you're listening to the recording or you're watching the replay, just know that you can post a question in the comment section. Now really quickly, if you have a question write the word question and then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat. The super stickers and super chats and post your question inside there. All the funds go to a foundation I'm starting on behalf of my son Connor who passed away. Actually it's coming up on the anniversary of him passing away and goes into a scholarship fund for to help support people in personal development. So if you purchase a super sticker or super chat you can post a question or you can write the word question and post the question and we're gonna get started with Q and A in just one second because I forgot my drink and I have to go grab it really quickly. All right, I'm back. All right, let's see what we have in the Q and A board. Oh, by the way, my coffee mug says swear a little you'll feel better. So I'll say fuck right now. I feel so much better. All right, let's see what we have in the Q and A board. All right, Ouija writes question, how do I overcome if I feel intimidated by my partner? How to communicate with another human being? Great question, great question. So first off, I recommend everybody read this book called, hold on one second, read this book called nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, it should have been called compassionate communication. This teaches you the techniques to come from a place of I statements, I statements. In other words, I feel this way or this is how I'm feeling and express yourself because here's the thing. Ouija, when you say you're intimidated by him, what are you in fear of? Because what is intimidation but fear? So what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? Let's explore that, post what you're afraid of and let's explore that because to say the word intimidated is a blanket statement. Let's dig a little bit deeper as to what's going on on the inside that's causing you to feel intimidated. So Ouija, great question. Thank you so much and I invite you to post it, okay? All right, mystic with lipstick. Question, is it intimidating to be forward on how you feel about a person? No love bomb, just being frank and honest, cutting through the BS or is that a turn off? Okay, great question. So first off, let's differentiate between intimidating and a turn off. Intimidating is bump, bump, bump. I want you to think of it. Imagine you're communicating with a baseball bat and you're actually going to hit them. Is that what they're feeling based on what you're talking about? Or as you stated, is it a turn off? So going back to your original question, expressing how you feel to another human being is actually a turn on to most people even if they're not into you. It feels really good for another human being to say, I'm into you, I like you. It is a turn on to most people. The only reason why someone might react in a turn off is because if they can't reciprocate the feelings, it could put them in an uncomfortable state of having to say, I don't have the same feeling. So it's not a turn off, it just puts them in an awkward state of having to say, I might not feel the same way. But I'm a, let me go back to this question. But being frank, being honest, so I'm a big proponent of everybody being authentic, excuse me, to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent with people. Let me repeat that, to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent with people. Going back to my book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, by the way, there's a link below to all my recommended books, scheduling a free discovery call with me, seeing if working with the coach is right for you. The link is below. Chapter one in my book though is called Speak Your Truth, Do It With Kindness. And then later in chapter nine, the chapter is if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So mystic with lipstick, let me just say this, when you're in the right relationship, you should feel safe enough to express yourself completely when you're in the right relationship. It's only when we're in the wrong relationship do we have fear of expressing ourselves. But let me tell you why we oftentimes end up in the wrong relationships. It's because human beings do a terrible job of actually developing friendships with one another, true deep friendship. And why I'm sharing this with you, I'm fascinated with how many women come to me for dating advice and they're absolutely afraid to speak to their partner. Let me say this, they're afraid to speak to their partner. Shouldn't the person that you're having regular sex with, you should, shouldn't you be able to communicate with them like they're your best friend? And what I mean to say is, shouldn't you feel safe enough to say almost anything? Shouldn't you feel safe enough to be vulnerable? Shouldn't you feel safe enough to be authentic? Shouldn't you feel safe enough to be transparent? If you're not feeling safe enough to be authentic, transparent and vulnerable with your partner, my suspicion is you two aren't really good friends. So why are you having sex with someone who's not a good friend of yours? Now, I'm not saying you should have sex with friends. I'm saying the person you should be, you're having sex with should be the person that you could feel the safest to communicating with. And until you feel that level of safety and communication and the penis should not go inside the vagina ladies, but I'm gonna tell you something. I talk to women who have been in one, two, three, four, five year relationships and they're not even friends with the guy. And what I mean is they don't feel safe to communicate with one another. And one of the best ways to create safety in a relationship, I highly recommend reading this book called, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. This is the foundational piece to build that level of safety and trust with one another so you can communicate at a much deeper level instead of the surface level most everybody is dating at because they've read the book, the rules, the rules. Everybody who read the book, the rules is dating at a very superficial level. It's all about let's just have a good time. I'm only here to have a good time. I want something casual. I just wanna have a good time. Let's just have a good time. You just sit back in your feminine energy and I'll do all the work as a man because I know what I'm doing. You just sit back and I'll do all the work and you just have a good time. You sit in your feminine energy because I'm the masculine, I'm gonna do all the work. If that was so fucking true ladies, if this whole masculine and feminine energy and all you have to do is sit back in your feminine energy and trust the guy is gonna know what you're doing. If that was such a great fucking narrative then why are people miserable out in the dating realm to follow this feminine energy advice? Because quite frankly, the feminine energy women don't have the balls, I'm sorry, I'm gonna say it, the balls to speak their truth and do it with kindness. They're just sitting back and being soft and feminine because that's what men like is soft and feminine. No, men like women who speak up, real, oops, I almost said real men. Let me rewind that. Emotionally healthy men want women who can speak their truth, that can be vocal, that can be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. The last thing you wanna do is sit back in your feminine energy and just hope everything will magically work out because magic fairy dust always works out, doesn't it? Mystic, I went off on a tangent but I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Folks, does that make sense what I'm saying? Does that resonate with you? If you wanna be able to communicate with your partner, then you have to learn to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. And I recommend reading these books that I've been suggesting to help you get there. All right, thank you for your question. Michael says, amen, thank you. All right, sunshiney says, mystic, great question, I agree, grace says, amen, I agree too, thank you. Okay, Purisitori's networks writes, question, is there something I could do or should I do differently if people constantly feel I'm intimidating? What do you think? Again, folks, all right, here's what I would do, Purisitori. What is it that you're intimidated by? What is the fear? I would ask him, what fear are you feeling from me? What fear are you feeling from me? Because what is intimidation? I'm scared, right? That's what intimidation is, you've scared someone. So what is it about you? What are you either doing or what is it about you that's scaring someone? So now you find out that you make more money from them. So my response to the person that says, oh, so you're intimidated by my financial success. My response is, why are you such a fucking pussy? Now, that was a joke, I'm just being silly, but what is it about you that feels inferior because it's not about me, it's about you? Don't forget, when someone says you're intimidating, look at those three fingers pointing back at them. There is a fear that's going on inside of them, so I invite you, Sitori, to learn what is it that they're feeling regarding you and then address that? That's my invitation when someone says, or friends, people say you're intimidating. Find out what it is that you're either doing or who you are that causes them to feel inferior about themselves. And you might even say, so what is it about you that feels inferior to me? Oh, I love that question. So, and I'm being rhetorical here, by the way, what is it about you that feels inferior to me? So anyway, great question, thank you so much. All righty, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Michael says, Jonathan's library, correct. Jacqueline, love this book, I'm reading it now. The sex chapter is amazing. She's talking about the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Jenny says, fuck feminine energy, I agree. Okay, Ouija, I read the book you recommended, which also gives me a little fear of not practicing and demonstrating perfectly. Well enough as the book describes. Hey, you know what? Practice makes perfect. Keep doing something over and over again until you just get really good at it. That's my invitation for you. All right, let's see. Okay, this is the original, let's go back to Ouija. So what she says, I'm afraid of not, I'm not good enough. I'm going to make mistakes in the relationship that will lead to disaster. Okay, my voice and imagination with past experiences. All right, love this. Thank you, you've actually now expressed what your fear is, okay? Now, I highly recommend Ouija, after you've read my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, linked below, I highly recommend you read the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas, childhood wounds and traumas that causes to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our lives. Ouija, what you're expressing is either a negative pattern or limiting belief in your life that you're not good enough. This book will help you literally put a blanket of self-love around you, so it will shore up your, I'm not good enough, because these two books, my book and this book, I highly recommend is like a vaccination to emotional chaos because the number one a health issue, emotional health issue, facing almost everybody is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is why I highly recommend doing the inner work so that when you're actually in relationship with someone, you feel stronger and empowered to lean into, lean into the relationship. You don't need to lean back in your feminine, you wanna lean into your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem and your self-confidence and by reading these books, you're gonna be partially the way there and I definitely recommend reading the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Oh my God, what a great book this is. Now folks, I wanna share something with you. I just recommended the Hoffman process, you can see that. I got in the mail a couple of days ago a letter from the Hoffman Institute. I was shocked to get this, but I wanna read it to you. It says, dearest Jonathan, I wanted to write a note to thank you for repeatedly recommending the Hoffman process. You talking about it has helped me clean, has helped, or you talking about how it helped you clean up your childhood traumas, inspired me to start my own journey of self-healing and self-love. The words thank you, don't feel big enough to encapsulate the gratitude I'd like to express, but this will have to do. This was actually from one of the employees at the Hoffman process who's come across my videos. I am honored and I wanna say thank you, and what I wanna say is my pleasure. This book is a game changer, folks, and Weijin, this will change your life, so I highly recommend reading it. Thank you so much. All right, let's see what else we have. All right. And Michael says, Weijin, no, no, no, don't think like that, you're already good enough. Yes, I thank you, Michael, for expressing that to her. I appreciate that. All right. If you have a question, either purchase a super sticker or a super chat or post the word question. Donna writes, question, 20 years of no dating and now Mr. Wonderful comes along. He says he sees a future for us. Yikes, should I be running or relaxed and enjoy the ride? I'm 60, he's 71. Okay, I wanna tell you a quick story, Donna. This is a picture of the CD version of the book, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. Marianne Williamson is a very famous personal development speaker out in the world and one of the things she does in her seminars when she's out in public, she talks about chemistry and she talks about when two people have strong chemistry from one another and she goes out to the audience and says, folks, when she goes, she asks the audience, what do you do when you have strong chemistry for one another and the audience is silent for a second and then you hear everybody yell at the same time, pray. What I mean to say is first thing you wanna do is pray for guidance, pray for love, pray for, not for a successful outcome because the problem is most people are praying for a successful outcome instead of enjoying the ride, enjoying the experience, instead of actually leaning into what is this experience all about? What is this journey all about? Because that's what happens when we connect with human beings, it's just an experience or journey. The reason why so many people fuck this up is they get attached to an outcome and they get attached to it has to be a certain way. They've created these ridiculous expectations instead of enjoying the ride because ultimately, I have a thought, folks. I'm fascinated, and by the way, I'm a dating a relationship coach, I mostly work with women who are single and looking for love. If you're single and looking for love, check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. That's my area of expertise to help you attract the right guy by teaching you how to vet for emotional maturity and my coaching program. We have this great emotional aptitude test to really determine is he really the right guy or is he the wrong guy? And wouldn't you like to know this before you even go out on a date by learning all this stuff over a phone call? I can help you with that. Check out the link to a free discovery call. But let me tell you what's fascinating to me, folks. And tell me if you agree with this or not. I get calls from women or requests for coaching from women whose relationships just ended and they are lamenting over the guy because the guy broke up because he is going through some chaos and dysfunction in his life. He's pulled away, he's gone, he's ghosted, he's asked for space, all these things. And the women are lamenting as if the sky has fallen because if this man doesn't love you, doesn't love me, I have no self-worth. Sadly, here in the United States we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself. But ladies, if you genuinely love the guy and he says I wanna move on, real love, real love says, I wish you well and I hope you find the love of your dreams if that's what you want. That's what love would do. But selfishness within ourselves saying, I need you, I need you to love me, I need you to love me, I need you to love me, that's selfish behavior when you need someone to love you so you can feel good about yourself. Folks, I'm here to say you do not need a man, you do not need a woman to love you for you to feel good about yourself. That's not to say that we don't need companionship, connection, sex and potentially partnership with someone. I'm a big proponent of that, but you don't need it for your happiness. If you genuinely love the man and he wants to move on, real love says, I wish you well. But sadly, we are here complaining about men. By the way, I coach women, so I'm only talking from that perspective, but men and women are like, complain, complain, complain about the opposite sex. He was controlling, he was a narcissist, he was selfish, he was dysfunctional, all this stuff. Why not look at your own behavior and say why did you wanna be with a guy who wore all these things and then throw him into the bus when you're not getting what you want anyway? I just invite you all to look at that, y'all. Am I from the South? All right, thank you for your question, Don. I appreciate it. Yvonne says, I'm leaning back, Jonathan, for my glass of wine and I'm leaning back to my swear little cup, you'll feel better. All right, let's see what else we have. Yvonne, thank you for that. All right, Jenny says, I like your yelling. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. Hello, Jonathan. To sit in your feminine energy is right, that wearing dress is part of being feminine to attract masculine men, okay. Dressing nice might be, if we wanna look at that, it's not feminine energy, that's femininity, okay? Let's differentiate between masculinity and femininity. It's not, when you're in your, okay, feminine, okay, a female human being and a male human being. When a man is in his masculinity, it's basically seen as strong, virile, confident, that's masculinity. Femininity is soft, it's engaging, that's femininity. But I wanna differentiate between feminine energy and masculine energy because feminine energy is basically receiving and masculine energy is giving. And a healthy human being has a combination of both giving and receiving because a healthy relationship is with two givers and two receivers, okay? Like it's really one person, both people, both people, this is a human being right here. They can give and receive and they can give and receive. The narrative that you're being sold, this whole feminine energy bullshit is the men are the givers and the women are the receivers, okay? The men are the givers, the women are the receivers. All they have to do is sit and receive, receive, receive. That's bullshit because here's the thing, ladies, don't you want a man to be able to receive your love? Yes, yes you do. Well, that means he has to be in his feminine energy and a healthy relationship, a healthy human being has a combination of both. This is why stop listening to that bullshit narrative and start reading books like if the Buddha dated, which takes out the gender bullshit that came out of the book, The Rules. The book, The Rules, set all you folks up for failure over and over again because it's a manipulative game playing game against men and women. It's just game playing against men and women using terms like that masculine and feminine as if that's going to be relationship success. If you really want to have a successful relationship, folks, I highly recommend reading this book, How to Fucking Be an Adult in Relationship, and I added the fucking part in the title because that's not the title, How to Be an Adult in Relationship by David Rico. Rich, how do you spell, how do you say that? Rico, this is what I highly recommend reading instead of using this narrative about, but that's a bit going back to your question about femininity, I'm a big proponent. Dress sexy, guys dress, you know, handsome, women dress attractive, do things that make you feel like you're gender, absolutely, but don't get stuck in the narrative that it's based on energy because that has nothing to do, energy has nothing to do with relationship success, emotional maturity, shared values, blendable lifestyles has everything to do with relationship success. In fact, folks, I actually, I want to show you a diagram I created. Let me see if you can see this. This is an iceberg, okay? This is an iceberg. Is iceberg one word or two words? Hey, hey, Google, is iceberg one word or two words? In dictionary, word forms, icebergs. Okay, so I wrote two words there, but it's one word. Okay, so I want you to see this. Right up top, you see that? That's chemistry, that's up top. It's the first thing we see, okay, is chemistry. What's below the surface is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's the bulk of a relationship. That's the compatibility piece. This is the attraction piece. Attraction is the smallest piece of the puzzle, but it's the first thing we see. It's the smallest piece in the puzzle because it doesn't matter how fucking attracted two people are with one another. If they don't share the same values, if their lifestyles aren't blendable, and God forbid they're not emotionally mature, either one of them, your relationship is fucked. I mean, it's fucked. You're screwed. So folks, look at that, look at that. The most important pieces are shared values, emotional maturity, and blendable lifestyles. And if you're not asking good questions right from the beginning, you're screwed. So this whole feminine energy movement, yeah, it gets you this much of the relationship, but you better have this going or you're screwed. I'm yelling. Okay, does this make sense? Please let me know, hit that thumbs up button. All right. Mystic says, I feel like I'm too open because if something bothers me, trust that I will confront it. If I like someone, I tell them, it feels like a lot of people don't like it in general. Okay. So I like the word, instead of confronting it, I like addressing it, but here's my feeling about addressing some, if you, okay, here's the problem with addressing how you feel because one of the things human beings do is what I call toxic advice. And what I mean to say is they don't invite curiosity, they actually just tell how they feel instead of starting with a simple narrative. Hey, there's something I'd like to share with you, is that okay? There's something about our relationship I'd like to share with you, is that okay? Oftentimes people confront the other person of what's wrong with them instead of expressing how they feel about themselves. So Mystic, I'm not suggesting what you're doing is that way, but what I've observed with human beings, they oftentimes confront people instead of actually addressing what's coming up for them in a healthy way, speak your truth, do it in a kind way. And that actually is a big turnoff in relationship. And I consider that toxicity. What I mean by toxicity is, you know what, unless you're having a dialogue with someone, I think it's absolutely okay to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Just do it with permission. That's all, just do it with permission by inviting a conversation instead of vomiting how you feel. And sadly, I noticed a lot of women just vomit their feelings and it's all over the map. And we men are trying to figure out what the fuck did she just say? We have no sense of what you're saying because you're vomiting your feelings instead of actually expressing yourself from a confident, self-assured, self-aware place. Now, I'm not suggesting this of you, Mystic, but that's just something I've observed and I just wanted to draw attention to it. So thank you so much for sharing that. Okay, Melinda says, hello, Jonathan. My last boyfriend loved to admire my strengths until we lived together. Then he flipped and kept saying, I need to be submissive. What the what? Why would he, and he now, and he now, and now, and ex? Okay, so look it. Human beings are riddled with flaws, okay? Riddled with insecurities, riddled with inconsistencies. It's very human. It's very human for people to be inconsistent when they've done little or no personal development work. They show up rather inconsistent in relationships. So I'm not surprised that he might appreciated your strengths. The fact he wanted something submissive because he was really a covert control freak, he was attracted to you in the beginning, but he was actually a covert control freak if he wanted you to be submissive later. How do we identify that? Do me a favor, check out a link to a free discovery call with me in my private coaching for those women single and ready to search for a relationship. I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity or at least do a better job than most people because what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. And I see women do this habitually. So there's not much you can do from that. And he's an ex and say, thank yourself for the experience and go, what did I learn about my? Here's my invitation for you, okay? Melanie, ask yourself, what positive things did I learn about myself in this experience? What positive things did I learn about myself in this experience? Does that help? I hope so. All right, Ouija writes, what's the difference between feminine energy versus female energy in your dictionary? Okay, again, going back to what I said, feminine energy is receiving, masculine energy is doing. Femininity is soft, masculinity is strong. That's it. That's as simple as it comes, folks, but be careful of this whole narrative because the feminine energy actually creates what I call princess energy, which also creates submissive energy. And let me tell you something, submissive energy will always backfire in a relationship. It temporarily works in the beginning, but it always backfires in the long run. At least that's my perspective anyway. Vanessa writes, love, love, love, watching you, best advice ever. Thank you, Vanessa, I hope I pronounced your name right. Please forgive me if I didn't. Everyone lean back, amen. Oh, someone just wrote, I just got the book, Radical Awakening by Dr. Shafila. I butchered his name. Her work is interesting, it's spiritual. Good to know, thank you. Paula says, I'm not sure I need balls, but I do have big ovaries, baby. Yeah, Paula, way to go. Jenny says, I lean back when I have no interest in a man, amen. All right, bear with me everyone. Oh, I wanna say, Kay, thank you for the super sticker. I really appreciate that, thank you so much. All right, we have a couple, if you have a question, post the word question. All right, Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy. Oh, if I butchered your name, I apologize. Question, I'm a politician and so is my man. We both could be crustal, vixen, wait, and crush, wait, I don't know what that word, crush on each other in debate, but we choose not to. Is it possible that one can avoid appearing intimidating? Again, folks, the word intimidating, instead of saying the word intimidating, let's get to the root of what intimidation is. Fear, what fear could the other person be feeling by your actions or by who you are or your status? What fear could they be feeling? So I do know that when I debate someone better than me, I do feel inferior. That's what I feel inferior. And I'm less likely to debate someone who is better at debating than me, but quite frankly, I don't like debating. I'm tired of debating, I'm tired of debating. I'm all in favor of expressing opinions. A healthy way to express your opinion with someone looks like this. The person listens to my point of view. They accept my point of view as being true for them. Then I listen to their point of view. I accept their point of view as being true for them. If our points of view differ, that's okay, but I don't like to debate why my point of view might be right because that's egoic, selfish, narcissistic behavior. Now, I'm being a little tongue of cheek when I use the word narcissist, but what I'm saying is when you have to defend your point of view as being right for you, you are in selfish, egoic, power control freak behavior. Because here's the thing, two people can have opposing points of view. It's not about being right. And in relationship in particular, it's definitely not about being right. It's about being happy. So I'm a big proponent of not debating things, especially from a place of I'm right and you're wrong because the minute you do that, that's unhealthy communication. Now, if you express your point of view and the person goes, oh, that's interesting. I didn't see it that way. Then they have an opportunity to shift their point of view. But if they don't shift their point of view, let it go folks, it's not debate. Listen, especially in relationship is a waste of, by the way, to me debating is a waste of time anyway, because quite frankly from a political standpoint, well, I don't even want to get into my politics because I can't, I fucking hate every politician on the planet, please forgive me for saying that. I don't mean you personally, but I can't stand politics because quite frankly, I think most politicians care about themselves and don't actually care about the people they represent and you know why? Anyways, I'm going into politics and I shouldn't go there. That's just how I feel. I can't stand politics. You know, when a politician is lying, when they open their mouth, that's how I feel. Please forgive me. I apologize. This isn't related to you. That's just how I feel about Washington DC. All right, only Washington, everything else I'm cool with. All right, thank you. I appreciate that question. Um, all right, bear with me. Jacqueline, question. What is the best way to discuss taking the relationship to the next level? I've been taking things slow and have, and have, I've been taking things slow and have to have a solid foundation. Now we need to move to gain deeper intimacy. All right, I love this question. I want to tell you a backstory on this question. So a couple of years ago, I got a call from a woman coach, she wanted a coaching session with me and she's telling me about her relationship. And she says, Jonathan, I want more commitment from my guy. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. Ladies, if you can't tell me what that looks like for you, how the fuck is the guy gonna ever know what you want? So my invitation for you, Jacqueline, if you wanna go to the next level, I would first decide, what does that actually look like for you? What does that look like for you? What does the next level look like? Is it moving in together? Is it getting married? Is it buying property? Is it going on vacation together? What is the next level for you? And you simply do this. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. Chapter one of my book, you simply say, hey, this is where I'm at in this relationship and I'd like to move to this level and this is what it looks like. How do you feel about that? You start a conversation. It's as simple as that. But Jonathan, it might scare him away. It might make his penis shrivel up and curl down because he might be intimidated by the fact I want something more than him. I'm being dramatic because ladies, here's the thing. If you're having regular sex with a guy, you have every right to ask for what you want in relationship, I just wanna stretch. You have every right to ask for what you want in relationship, so why are you afraid? I'm not suggesting you, but why are you ladies so afraid that you're gonna scare a guy away? You only scare the wrong man away when you ask something sincere and from your heart. Let me repeat that. You only scare the wrong guy away when you ask for something sincere and from the heart. So stop being afraid to speak up. That's my invitation for you. Stop being afraid. But first off, find out what that next level actually looks like for you. By the way, I see my hair is kind of, well, anyway, nothing I can do about it. Oh God, that's bugging me now. Do you guys see that? All right. All right, next question. Michael, am I boring you? Melissa says, amen. Sarie says, I'm butchering your name. Question, told my boyfriend of six months I loved him. He didn't say it back, but we have discussed since and said he feels strongly for me, but it'll take a lot to say it. What's the next step? I need to hear it. So to me, for many men, the words I love you feels like a promise of some future commitment. I'm gonna repeat that. The words I love you feels like a promise to some future commitment. And when a person can't commit to the future, they're reluctant to say the words I love you. Now, when I say the words I love you, this is what it means to me. Okay, when I say, when two people say I love you to each other, this is what it means to me. I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. So let me repeat that. I'm here. That means I'm present to this relationship. You matter. That means you matter to me. I care about you. You matter. We are important. That means the relationship is a separate entity and I value the separate entity. I've got your back. That means we're part of a team. I'm here to help you. You need me to pick you up from the airport. I've got your back, honey. I'm gonna be there. Number five, wait. I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. That means I'm committed to this relationship. And lastly, I only want you. Now, what's probably missing for this guy is the last two pieces. He's not sure he might not leave you and he doesn't know if you're the one. So ladies, why do we allow the penis in the vagina if we're not with a person that doesn't want to explore a fully committed relationship? Ladies, why are you allowing the penis in the vagina if that's not the direction? You're not exploring a relationship together. I've got to tell you something. The minute two people decide they want to have sex together, that's the time to have a real serious conversation. Are we exploring a relationship together? And if you don't understand, and he doesn't understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship, then you better both be fucking reading this book. I got to tell you something. I got an email the other day from a woman. I got an email the other day from a woman. She said, Jonathan, thank you so much. I bought two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman, link below to Jonathan recommends books. She said, I gave it to the guy. We just started dating where we were, I think she was in, they just were prior to sex, but they were in the fourth or fifth date and they're starting to do the work from the book. Now I've had multiple emails. Now one story I heard from a woman, she said the minute he read chapter one, he ghosted me. Wow. She just dodged a bullet before she had sex with them. And the other woman said, the guy loved the book. He was like, oh my God, why didn't someone tell me about this before? I had no idea how fucking clueless I was. Men are thirsty, actual real men. I was going to use the word real men. Emotionally mature men are thirsty for knowledge and ladies, all you have to simply do is spend 15 bucks or 30 bucks on two copies of a book to change your life. Are you willing? By the way, is everybody willing to invest $30 to change your life? If you are, buy a super sticker right now and give me 30 bucks. $30 can change your life, your love life in a positive way. Can you make an investment in yourself? Would you be willing to do that? If you say yes, please hit that thumbs up button. By the way, my hip is feeling a little, ah, anyway. All right, we're going to take one more question before we wrap up today. Siri, thank you for that one. Ah, all right. Michael says, amen. Robin says, amen. Hoffra says, me too, yay. I'm butchering names, by the way. All right. Donna says, I think some women think sex will pave the way to a relationship or hope it will. Asking where the relationship is going opens women up to rejection that they may not be prepared for. Yeah, that's true. Folks, children, male children think they're rich. They think that sex might open their heart up to love. And let's face it, sex is part of the decision-making process. It is part of the decision-making process. What I want you to do is find out if he's a good candidate to be in relationship before the two of you fuck each other. By the way, my hair is really, that spot in my hair is bugging me. I want you guys to vet each other by asking better questions before you have sex. Because by the way, I'm not a big fan of the site eHarmony, but eHarmony said, when you take compatibility and spark it with chemistry, watch out. You have the makings for a great relationship. Ladies, right here, the iceberg, which is one word, not two words. Shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity. When you take that with chemistry, which is attraction up here, you have a greater chance for success. Asking where this relationship going isn't the right question. The real question is, do you want to explore a fully committed relationship with me? Wait, Jonathan, what? Yeah, do you want to explore a fully committed relationship with me? That's the question you want to ask, not where is it going? Because the minute you say where is it going, you're giving your power away to a man. Don't ever give your power to a man. It's not his job to decide where it's going. It's both your job to be on a two-lane street and say, are we going to explore a relationship together, a fully committed relationship together? Is this sinking in because I swear to God, I'm blown away by how few of you really get this ship? I highly recommend reading the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukoff, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukoff. This will change your life. Ah, all right. I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Listen, I've got a webinar to do tonight, so I'm gonna be wrapping up a little bit early. Yes, there is an audio book of many of these books, so I am the prize, thank you for asking. Melissa says, exactly thank you, Jonathan. Lexi says, perfect way to answer, thank you. If this is resonating with you, hit that thumbs up button, hit that like button, let me know if this is sinking in, please let me know. All right, let's see. You know what, I think this is a good place to wrap up today. Folks, I wanna thank you from the bottom. Oh, we have one last one from Woojin. We've got $30, way to go. She gets it. I see the value of all the books I purchased and read and all the joys and education, connecting and the love here, $30. I'm not hesitant to give specifically to salty scholarship. Oh my God, that just, oh my God, my heart just is, oh, thank you, Woojin, thank you so much. That really is very sweet of you, thank you. It's just to illustrate a point, folks. Invest in yourself and you have a greater chance of finding what you truly want in this life and that is love and love starts from within. And whether you find a mate or not, the most important relationship you're ever gonna have is the relationship with yourself and my invitation for everybody is to love on themselves so much that you don't have to worry about whether or not a man is loving you because you're loving on yourself. Can I get an amen to that? And Vanita, thank you so much for that $4.99. I really appreciate it. Robin says, way to go, Woojin, thank you. Kay says, thank you for cracking our heads or asking ourselves if he or she is the right candidate for a committed relationship before having sex. Way to go, yes, thank you so much. Jennifer says, or Jacqueline says, amen, thank you. Faith says, you're an amazing gift. I am in, thank you all so much. I think it's time to wrap up today. So, hold on one second. All right, I'm gonna wrap up my videos as I always do first off, giving myself a big, gigantic shot to bear a hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thank you so much for joining me today and I wanna wish you a super-duper, wonderful, fantastic day. Thanks so much, bye-bye now. Angela says hugs, Jenny says hugs. Make them wait. And Maria says amen, amen, amen. All right folks, thanks a bunch, bye now.