 My name is land to Goshen Let land to Goshen is that no, it's I think it's land To Goshen, what is that the expression? land to Goshen, are you the new Edwin Newman or am I? I'm part of the grammar police Edwin Newman. Edwin Newman was my go-to grammar reference. Mm-hmm I hate to say you were wrong, but the Mitch McConnell seems like a pretty nice guy You were really you know Paul Ryan. You said they wouldn't stand up for what's right, but I guess you were wrong David Time for you to reconsider those guys went to the mat. They're gonna go to the mat. So what's right? Family values I Think their hearts are in the right place and they love this country And we don't need at this point an investigation into the Comey firing and from what I understand McConnell is standing with our president Hey, both sides do it both sides to do it both sides both sides are responsible Both sides are responsible for Mike Flynn both sides. Hey Donald Trump isn't tweeting from a private server like you know who oh Thank God That's the only thing that I've been happy about was that he didn't you know all this time I said the only thing that'd be worse than this is if he missed a small tiny C and one of his emails If they tried to bury the classified information in an email to fool the person receiving it He would he might not catch that Thank God, oh my god all the stuff that she was doing of the place She was making a billion dollars a second on the Clinton Foundation unbelievable Well, they're horrible people the Clintons. She enabled him. Also. She's crooked She's crooked you're bad. Yeah about that. Yeah, who needs it. I don't need it Mitch McConnell his eyes are so beady. Well, I need the second part of this joke His eyes are so beady. Yeah, I know there's something good They're so be there. They're so close together. They often switch No, he's not cross-eyed. He's star of David. I'd Know why scientists have decided why people like him have like beady eyes. They found out why why he's a rat He's a racist. I Don't want to say he has beady eyes, but but on Mardi Gras. I throw them at the floats That's how I don't want to say his eyes are beady, but they're available as curtains. I Don't want to say his eyes are beady, but they directed reds Hey, you know David tell me that you never told me that there was a woman in the studio when I was talking fake dirty Last time it was a lady in the studio She's a comic lady, so I direct message her I Followed her on Twitter. I direct message her and I say I guess I'll let you know I hope you weren't offended. I would never talk like that if I knew you was a woman there never heard back from her David. Thank you. Thank you David. You know why? Why because you didn't take your hat off when you sent that email to that nice lady How many times have to tell you when you were corresponding with a lady comic you you're supposed to remove your hat Oh, I didn't know that pardon me, ma'am. I had no idea. Well, if you had read Edwin Newman You would exactly you would boy Edwin Newman go ahead No, I had nothing go ahead Edwin Newman and Bill Sapphire these grammarians The PC police they're policing language and it's wrong. I Ain't gonna look up paint in the dictionary because I know what ain't there now What was wrong with our society that that became a saying ain't No people would actually go I ain't gonna look up ain't an dictionary because I know it ain't there I heard that that means more than four or five people pass that around as a hilarious Limerick if you look up ain't in the dictionary it ain't there you see a Picture of me You see a picture of me with a pal of paint Hey, if you look up in articulate in a dictionary, you'll see like a don't have like a Don't have like a photo if you look up in articulate a dictionary Don't have like a it'll be like a thing about and it will somehow wind up with me Do you know that I looked up dictionary and what happened the dictionary? Yeah, it's had a compendium of words with definitions Is that funny? But you don't go by me Since the 40s did my last joke that worked. I had a fantastic chunk It was why 2k why neither why 2k why not 2k? That's just how I opened it And then I said, let me get let me get this straight Let me get the straight and on 1999 at 11 59 and 59 seconds What is my is my clock or a turn into a kangaroo? What's gonna happen? Why 2k people? And then what happened with why 2k, you know what happened right nothing it was like the comet Cahotech take it that was like the comet Cahotech remember the comet Cahotech. Oh, no, I don't remember that Is that like a Heraldo's vault? Yes Heraldo's vault I devolved there was nothing in there with Heraldo There was nothing in there. Did you see the when they did the remake of that Heraldo looking in Al Capone's vault starring Rachel Maddow and the taxes Yes, she knew there was a she knew here's what's unforgettable. She knew she had nothing before the show She could say oh Things got lost or wasn't a big deal, but you're going we have them here and we'll be talking about them. Watch this space She had David K. Johnson on with her to go over the taxes. It was 20 minutes of Her saying welcome David K. Johnson, and he said you don't have to call me David K. Johnson You can call me David Johnson You can That was one minute that was one minute then you can call me DK Johnson You can call me you can call me right and then he said at one point Let's get this out of the way the beginning Rachel. He probably sent it to me. Let's get that on the record Which he did say that he sent to He sent to him for those of you who aren't able to follow this join the club. No I hit David K. Johnson the author of Now hit my life and my life. I love David K. Johnson. He wrote it, but it's Rachel I blame it all on Rachel because Rachel You know what it is Rachel didn't have to play the clubs. She didn't have to struggle in the clubs like Ricky Gervais did You know what I mean? Ricky Gervais He would put on disguise So you wouldn't know was Ricky Gervais coming to the club Uh You know that he put announcements on twitter. It's new it's new joke night for me. I'm working on my new jokes Thinking about doing this joke tonight, but it's so offensive. Even I'm offended by it That guy is the worst Right. I've gone past it being a friendly feud now He's worse than hitler. He's like a hitler wasn't funny and then his material was written by Stalin But the office was so good. It was so great. It was like Stalin. He's like Stalin, but he likes animals But the the shaky camera and then you know the cut away that was a great show That was the best show. I watched that show. I made everybody watch it Everybody so this is the greatest show ever So that's why this guy has the nerve all I'm doing is pointing out that he stinks now And I'm the bad guy I know you like Derek David. You call me up every week. He goes you try Derek again Did you try it? I said David I don't want to watch a show that's about like where they're talking about They're kind of soft-selling that he's uh, had mental problems. No, no He says he doesn't have any mental problems in the show He captured, you know, the really annoying boss that we all have That was the greatest show of all time. I even liked extras David Feldman That show was I never saw it, but I'll defend it And he and he speaks power to truth at the golden globes. I mean he got up. Oh, he does He does those are such an edgy joke. First of all I can't even believe that someone would have the ball to do a mel Gibson joke I mean really and it's so current too with the mel Gibson jokes That's dangerous mel Gibson still hates the juice. Hey, you know, uh, it's 2017 But mel Gibson is still writing. I hate the jews on his checks I want to know if he hates the jews so much. How come his name is mel? That is a very good point. Maybe that's why he hates the jews so much But he's a guy who doesn't now here's the thing whoopie Goldberg is friends with him Is this a guy who just like when he gets drunk then the anti-semitism comes out Wait whoopie is friendly with him. It's you know what it is. It's Gentiles with jewish names That's how you that's how you know Who the real anti-semites are Oh, so when he said to whoopie you're one of the good ones That she she took it the wrong way. She says black. They said no one of the jews doesn't look like a jew Whoopie Goldberg I really was wrong about saying that she wasn't funny because she has really brought so much to the table She's redefined comedy as tragedy Now you carry a check In your wallet. Yes, and this check is made out for one million dollars. It's made out to whoopie Goldberg And all it says in the memo part was she was funny. She was funny And you get the check just was your favorite whoopie Goldberg movie eddie Do you know there was a movie called eddie? Uh, no Okay, the very first day of the industry is available for digital download And you know they say there's not a lot of money in these in this digital world It cost 99 cents to download it and after the first four million downloads. I get a penny And they say and they say this is a rough business When they used to say you make a beautiful dollar in this business did they really mean it was just one David you are my target audience There's no reason to have even a career if i'm not talking to you Now I understand is it a secret can I talk about the game that you're getting into The racket why is it that you sound like bud abbot leading me into uh, who's on first material? low No, you can talk about anything. Well, was there something secret what happened? Did you know bud abbot was jewish? I think I did know that But lucas teller wasn't right lucas teller was italian I learned that from uh, shelly burman in vegas. I met shelly burman. He goes it's not i ran It is not iraq It's iran iraq. Do you order? Italian dressing and he certainly put me straight. I said to him air didn't know that yes Yeah, and you said uh, i'm sorry. I had bob newhart and you have a line And his head exploded because the phone rang. That's the only reason he got exploded Nobody gets that Nobody's gonna. I love that so much. You know, I can I love that and I love the fact I love these old style feuds. These were the greatest feuds of all time But people would argue over Did he have a feud with with bob newhart? Oh, he refused. Well, I just think he refused to talk He just assumed that bob newhart took it from oh, you're breaking up. I don't know why Oh, it's not me breaking up. It's it's me Nova acting funny the nova cane Yeah, I had nova cane Did I tell you I went to the dentist today some teeth work done My mouth feels good, but you know what the problem is I still can't feel my career Nova cane by the way is what you used to call michael cane After alfie, right? You said that's true. That's true. And then you used to say I've eaten so much of these locks now That I'm numb from them. It's like I'm from nova cane Nova scotia you're saying Nova scotia cane remember those jokes and they they worked because there wasn't a television back then And there wasn't an audience who would have to tell you the joke wasn't funny Right back then when we started you only changed your act seasonally you never changed the material If we spring you add some spring material in there But you never changed your material We both played like two to three thousand vaudeville houses, right? And so no one saw us they see us once every four years And then comedy on the road went on NBC in 1933 and the rest Right, we blew our act That was we really did you kept saying don't let it be filmed Don't let it be filmed. I said, what are you talking about? Then we can't do it live Right, they're not going to come because then nobody was booking us life. This is the problem These bits go on forever and I notice that I'm not don't seem to be upping the level of the bit You add some humor to it. I just keep beating the same comedic premise Shelly Berman Yeah, was the best-selling comedian in the early 60s He had the album the album, right? And he had the phone call routine He was the first guy to get on the fake phone and you're saying that bob newhart Then got on the fake phone Well, bob newhart says that he didn't get it from shelly, but i'm at me. I I He got it from ellen de generis from the time machine I hear ellen de generis. She watches a lot of lucy. You know that uh, dave. No, she watches a lot of lucy, but unfortunately She watches here You're the only person who has ever gotten that joke Viv viv won't live won't live We both said viv at the same time viv viv as robert wagner viv I Unfortunately, she watched here's lucy I love her show now though. You I know you're addicted to her daytime show because you know, let's have some fun for change I like her because she dances and during the writer's strike she Supported her viewers during the writer's strike. She supported her viewers, you know, she kept the show going and Shea you were during the strike. Nobody was thinking about the viewers and I that's that's the thing Yeah, you know people make fun of her now. Mm-hmm, but back then she was thinking about the viewers And so she she continued to do the show and I thank her for that We are the most agree. We just you just started the most agreeable duo of all time. Mm-hmm. You sure all right, andy Mm-hmm But oh Apple William Holden apple. It's William Holden. I got an orange. I got an orange from his backyard They did that for five No, what happened is they did that for five years where they would pretend that they were coming out to hollywood and meet a celebrity But they already were in hollywood I know that's what fools me. I still can't get over the fact that seinfeld was shot in uh, uh, new york I mean in LA If you look up short-term memory in the dictionary, uh, he should be What was I saying? Volare I think volare after every punchline now Yeah, yeah, are you a colombo fan like me david selman? One final question, mr. Kindler That's it. You do colombo. I can that was an all-purpose joke when I was a kid But someone would do it they go how about doing the thing you said you were gonna do Yes, I loved colombo. I did love and yeah I love it. I love it. And it was the one thing where it's like he's on the ship I think with jack castley jack castley's in a few episodes and this was woman singer is singing volare Ba ba ba boom. Oh, by the way, I've been pitching some shows to antenna tv Uh, they reject. I just pitched something to them and they rejected they said the picture's too clear No one's gonna buy it I pitched a show to the antenna tv. It's called use a coat hanger and lean it against the window Do you watch antenna tv? I do watch all the ones that show the old shows that make me forget that we're all doomed I like albert hit is it alfred hitchcock or albert hitchcock. It's uh, albert surling Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I love his hour show the black and white show. Yes, I do too And I watch any colombo, but then the old stuff. I don't think I don't know, you know, I was gonna call you I don't know why you've been telling me that my mother the car is the greatest show that was ever on tv I don't think it holds up. I'll give it another shot Do you know that you know how badly laughing holds up the tv slides down the wall when I watch it? How about a little wall meadow? Laughin doesn't hold up you say no i'm doing dan rowan by the way It doesn't you say you say yeah, uh, you know who holds up though George slaughter in a bar three in the morning You know how many years he said to me at macho and he can what should we do with you? Andy I love what you do. You don't you don't love what I do enough to stop saying my name and do something Andy killer Do you know why I had a network guy once telling me the name was scott schneider He worked at comic essentially told me look andy I love what you do, but I don't you know, you know how the suits are I said you're one of the He goes I like it, but you know me I'll run it by myself one more time I can't get it by me. I can't get it by me I'll run it by myself one more time. Maybe I'll take myself out to a nice dinner Spring it on myself my god So as you hear about I have a show that I'd like you to be and I'm pitching. Yeah Yeah, and I know what's gonna sell. It's called aging jews And it's all about when life Gives you lemons Commits suicide. It's that whole field. Everyone's depressed But it's very slow. It's very slow going Very slow going and then every episode things get worse And their outlook becomes more cloudy Didn't you used to hang out at jerry's in the valley and frag army's army Well, I have sat this is how sad my life is I sat at the seinfeld table at the jerry's On cold water canyon And I said to myself pretty sweet The black belt able to press it isn't it? I mean, you know what? Why do I look at it that way? He's got a career. I have a career We're both doing well, right? There's room for everybody there's room for everybody there's room for everybody as long as one person makes 12 trillion dollars And I'm uh, and I just download my new residuals tracker app I actually have a residual tracker app Do you know that I got some residuals right before the the strike authorization I got a thick Green envelope from the riders guild And I thought oh, yeah, I swear to god. They were all for two cents. They were like 50 checks for two cents Oh Yeah Now I wanted to start I'm sure someone started this charity But I want like a start charity with like every check that's under like a couple dollars you could send into this place And then they would cast But I'm telling you the overhead is going to be huge because I'm not flying coach anywhere, Dave Can you imagine a guy starts this charity like pennies a pennies a every penny counts And it's all about him using these and then but he insists on flying himself You see that pie chart 50 operating expenses Andy you have the highest rating on charity navigator. I mean the highest it's cost. So there's a But Abbott it turns you get what you pay for yeah, but Abbott was jewish But Abbott was jewish and he was investigated by the fbi and he had a very large porno collection Did you know that really you'd say it was large well, do you have every ass Wednesday that I have? That's the best I could do always say he had a large does he have I can't think of one On golden blonde Do they have that one? Where I'm going in a different direction but Abbott but Abbott was uh, Investigated by the house on american activities committee and they asked them to name names And and they said, you know, uh, there's a lot of weird names of these communists Mr. Abbott I don't I don't know on third base Who was a chinese communist? I don't care. What's the name of the fellow was see a communist Or was he not a communist? No was was the head of the chinese poet bureau Don't you know, it's a funnier bit when the actual information is boring Do you know my joke about the blacklist? I say I'm the last actor who is still a victim of the blacklist Not only was I a communist I never quit. I love I loved it with style and I was like making excuses. They look Look how roomy it is over there now This style take it over with the ukraine no more cool yaks. Am I right about the cool yaks? What you can eat up the floor i'll tell you I don't normally like a rigged system, but they make it work over there So I said that uh, I was also willing to name names. I was going to say gallagher's gallagher's a communist I was just gonna name comics. I didn't like their act. I was accused of being communist carrot top Huh, he was talking about red What would you have done because elia kazan's granddaughter is getting trolled because her father she shouldn't get trolled Why is she getting why is she saying weird things? Well, she's defending her grandfather Not for the communism for raping maryland monroe. Oh, well, that's different. Yeah Did he rape maryland monroe? I think he did This is a horrible field that we've attached ourselves to but you can't quite remember. Let me think I do believe he did Did he rape maryland monroe or was he was he found in a fountain on the street fountain? With 10 dead people in this trunk, which one this one was him Was it you who said if you're moving To los angeles you said always book peep fountain. Oh, no, no, it was uh, uh, that's bob saggett told me that his Manager good advice that his first manager gave him was always take fountain Right, but I was going for a peep fountain joke Who's peep fountain peep fountain? Wasn't he like a musician? And we'll be back with elderly jews who either have dementia or just a really matter if they don't after these messages So david you you started you you started in philadelphia. No, I told you This is our version of the sunshine boys. No and uh I just want to say one thing your stall tactic of talking slower to the material comes to you I see right through it Oh How cold was it? Now, you know what here's my new bit my favorite bit to do You know what david I tried to give foul on the chance. I just don't think he's funny I don't know why you keep sending me these emails to watch him tonight Because he's gonna do a great voice The other thing I love to do is go to cities like portland and berate them for trump That's a nice going portland great Nice job. Don't you think people are overreacting to him? You know what I was ready, you know me I was ready not to like him But I have to admit I have to admit not as bad as I I thought we would be all dead and radiated by now Not too bad. Not too bad You love I thought my mother would be growing a third eye So, you know what it's not bad push. You know what he keeps him guessing he keeps him guessing They've tried it for years with the old the president. He knows things and where did it get us trump? I think he's the worst Not only do I hate his guts. I hate his face I hate watching him. I can't believe one person would vote for that He's like everybody you hated how many bullies in high school were voting in this last election I love this country and you do I wish him well, I mean if he succeeded That's my favorite voice that you do now. Don't you this is outrageous You gotta wish him well. I mean he's our president if he succeeds we all succeed. We're all If he comes to me with a infrastructure bill How could you say no to that? Yeah, I mean the thing is it's time for me maybe to look at some of the things I've done in the past Like been nice and cared about people You I remember you complimenting Female comedians without permission Yeah, you would just walk up to them and say great set great I would say and this I'm not proud of this, but I have to say And I used to couch it as a comedian thing. I said I need to feel the temperature of your pussy It was different. It wasn't grabbing them. It was insert. I used to insert things woman Private parts for comedic You know you did inside jokes and you would just right inside. That's right I need to feel how moist it was in the woman comics. Oh, I'm the bad guy. Oh, I'm the bad guy Because I say to the crowd. Are you ready for a badge comedian? Oh, I'm wrong. I'm wrong Hey, you're lucky. Uh, uh, it's not the the the day of the month that she's ovulating people You remember my material it was edgy, but it had an edge Do you watch Saturday Night Live you must really love the way they're taking on Donald Trump Well, I hate Lorne Michaels. I'll hate him forever I think he's he the fish stinks from the top down and uh any other analogy So I can't stand him. I think I think he's like it's like, uh, the biggest wizard of awe is fake Oh, what kind of popcorn was Lorne eating when he rejected that sketch by hand. He's in the room with me Let me finish the type of sketch comedy that that man brought to America is exactly what we needed Call me someone who changes his mind call me mind-changeable But I see a different view that you said that That he's there in the room with you. I feel differently Let me finish No, I actually think the woman on the show are so goddamn funny and the man on the show I think they've done some good stuff. I love the Kate McKinnon doing, uh Amica because I I can't I hate morning Joe called me I remember you called me at four in the morning Right. I live in New York. You live in LA and you were weeping The week after Hilary lost and Kate McKinnon saying Leonard Cohn's hallelujah to start the show I actually did cry. I actually did cry. Did you really? Yeah Is this a bit No, no, I like Kate McKinnon. I well, I love her and I was probably crying just because she was singing a song You know what the great thing about being Leonard Cohn is He's dead and he no longer has to hear the song hallelujah when somebody dies I never really I love him. I never knew that much about him now I start to see things what where was I maybe I was a child he once took acid and went on stage and Tells a story about that He was pretty nice. Yeah. He was a Montreal Jew You know what they call Jews from Montreal What's that Jews? Oh interesting interesting Are you just working because you told me you might call me in the next couple days just to work on the rhythm of your Joe That you didn't necessarily have material But you want to run just like running the same old lines you've been doing that your grandfather did His his jokes from my grandfather. You ready a Jewish fellow He jumps into the water and he's drowning and uh, he can't swim. He starts to talk. He got out He got out Growing up I have some questions. I wrote down that I wanted to ask you. Oh, I thought you were there I thought that was a purpose to your call First of all, we can download your state of the industry addresses By going to iTunes Give me instructions on how to download them because your state of the union address state of the union your state of the industry addresses are The most dangerous thing you can possibly do because you're you're biting the hand that used to feed you Why do you say used to I don't know I know I was and then why did I respond to your funny line by just calling it out You said used to Well, here's the thing. They're not all available though They're only the first ones available and the more recent ones are available on soundcloud. So there's a whole lot of years There's a lot to look forward to David I know I'm it's it's incredible. You grew up. Were you The kind of kid you grew up in new york, right in long island, uh queen I didn't want to know who you hung out with growing I'm I'm asking you grew up in queen talking about a female impersonator. I would say that was my mom trying to make dinner You grew up in queens really I grew up from normal parents no I like some queens Ask me what part of queens I am from what part of queens are are you flushing? Flushing I'm embarrassed to tell you so I'm flushing Now wait a second white stone where I grew up is very close to flushing. I was 10 minutes from shea stadium Growing up did you sit in front of the tv 12 hours a day? Yes, I watched every single uh, by the way, I came with one other joke You know talk about a female, you know talk about female impersonators You know, if you wanted a good female impersonator, you should have talked to my wife in our wedding night Yes, I grew up. I'm older than you So I grew up older than you But I watched all these shows I watched every sick how I get ahead I watched the show that was our favorite show in our family was the superman tv show And it was an awful show, but we couldn't stop watching George Reeves. I used to watch that Oh all day. I had yeah lowest lane. No, well, no, well, noelle neal Right. I had a crush on noelle neal I had a crush on the armchair in the porch. That's how horny I was I kept saying to my mother I get that we're related. What's the problem? Why do you bring this out of me? This is like the kind of material they try and bury did you did your family sit around and watch tv together Yeah, we did. We definitely did and we watched and you know, like My favorite memories are we watched all in the family together. We watched rota together We watched all those shows. Mary Tyler Moore Didn't you find yourself rooting for valerie harper and by the way Valerie harper and i'm not making a joke. She's still alive as is jimmy carter That's unbelievable. Now. How's she doing though? I don't want to make a bad taste joke. I'm just holding back But I noticed that jimmy carter met with bernie sanders yesterday Right and he looked great And and valerie harper god bless the two of them Yeah, you know, there's no reason for it. You could have a real human moment Instead of you joke. I'm not having a I have like a really bad taste joke that i'm gonna hold back Oh, okay. Let's do it. But no, i'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it So you would sit around didn't you find yourself rooting for rota back then like Oh, I loved I was had a crush on rota What happened when you found out she wasn't jewish Very i'm still upset about it You know, there's certain things I accept and the certain things I don't accept Like I accept that in our one Musical that we wrote the jews that we still have a song that says well, we love the money Give me money money money money money money. Yeah, I accept that. I accept that was a poor choice No, you're wrong. He was saying if I were a rich man, right? But why would he want to be rich? That's just reinforcing the uh, the jewish stereotype of wanting money You might write about that and star ski and hutch star ski or hutch is in the original movie Of fiddler and the roof Yeah, I just saw it recently and topol. Why would they have a teeth whitening? Yeah, that's the thing The topol the smokers tooth polish if he came back to life if topol came back to life the great yiddish theater actor Would he be happy if there was a smokers tooth polish named after him? What do you think? By the way rembrandt came back and rembrandt came back. So the teeth whitening system Why would they name a teeth whitening system after rembrandt? All his paintings were dark I know if anything have you checked out some of the teeth on his subjects? Yes, believe me. The last thing you think about is a teeth whitening system But the the rembrandt's airs Even though they don't make any money because I think it's public demand like I could name I could name something then Vincent van Gogh vodka I have uh, uh condoms I remember this was your thing and it was you slept through art history class But I remember you got me to invest in Vincent van Gogh monocles Right. I thought it was going to be big Figured, but it was the ear. I had an idea. I thought he lost an eye I was told he had lost an eye But why no one am I supposed to research every corner? Did you know that I sold Vincent van Gogh earplug An earplug I used to work at the crazy eddies. I sold Vincent van Gogh an earplug Your mother as I remember was a spy for the OSS My mother if you said ethyl Rosenberg Too fast near her you spit she spit her lunch up Is live with what was limber? What was the big crime with limberg? He just wanted them, you know come to america first. What was the big deal? Why was everyone mad at him? Lindbergh he wanted to save lives. He said that's all he wanted to do not jewish life not jewish He didn't think we could win that was all he was just saying That he didn't think you want to know what I think? I do know why okay, you know the the Lindbergh baby his baby was kidnapped, right? So that maybe sent him off the rails by whom who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby I don't know bruno hopman a german Oh a german a german family. I don't know the story at all. Oh, yeah a bruno hopman a german No, you're mixing up. Are you sure you're not mixing up the frank sinatra jr? Getting kidnapped story Wait a second, you're not talking about compulsion. Are you compulsion? Yeah, we lovin leopold leopold and no frontal lobe those are the trump brothers, but you know what they Hey with the trump brothers. I had this I was the I think I was the first person with this joke Which one's who's saying which one's cool? Which one's cool late Who day I think his name was who's saying who day? They wait a second. Is there a big story behind Lindbergh's baby? I had no idea who who did kidnapped Lindbergh's baby bruno hopman And he was a german he was a german and this was I think during the 30s before we got into world war two So why would that have made Lindbergh more pro-german because the of the edipal conflict If the son secretly wants to kill the father and sleep with the mother, right? So Lindbergh knew that his baby Wanted to kill him and sleep with and moral Lindbergh. So Lindbergh identified with bruno hopman Because bruno hopman killed his baby and ended up saving Lindbergh's own life So he identified with hitler and the germans during world war two Wait a second. How did he how did he say Lindbergh's life by killing his son? How'd that save his life because the son secretly wants to kill the father and sleep with the mother? Oh, I see. I do it prevented the fordian Thing from happening, but I was hoping you'd give me some actual information in there. Do they really know? I mean The baby was killed right the baby. Yeah, but seriously why serious Because why did they get ransom money or something? It was a you know in my day when we kidnapped people. We you know, we gave a reasonable chance It wasn't that everybody returned home safely We would sometimes maim Sure, we would maim our kidnapping victims I mean Be reasonable. Yeah, sure kidnap maim torture, but be reasonable You know what an enhanced interrogation technique it's trump giving a steady Better waterboard. Yeah, you better tell me even if you don't know. Yeah, you just give me Tell me anything tell me anything because uh I told uh What's the guy's name with a horrible show everybody watched and justified torture 30 30 24 I guess it was a good show except for the torture. Oh joe joe cerno Yeah, yeah the half hour comedy hour guy. I went to the taping of that I walked out on it. I walked out on joe cerno tried to do you know a conservative version of the daily show I called joe up. I said take a look at john stewart's views towards unions. It's already Hey, maybe maybe we could make a deal here You don't have to remake anything Just change the way you look at the one guy How about when john stewart said the thing about you people aren't the problem like the viewers it's them Oh, what a man, huh? You people aren't the problem viewers and voters Washington oh when he went to washington dc and told everybody to calm down Calm down and he also called that all the networks and basically said they're the problem You're not the problem people who paid to go to washington and is already looking surly like they don't know why we're here Mm-hmm. Where do you get your news from? I get my news from anything any service that has max in the name News max I get the news the same way, uh I get my news. But first of all every week. I tell myself I'm gonna watch the uh news hour Right, but I never do mcneil is gone I didn't realize that the mcneil news hour Well, thank god they have david brooks at the On the show every friday. Yeah, so he had format so that he got a chance We're gonna wrap it up because once we get into politics Oh, I'm the bad guy because after an uh 45 minutes of being on the phone with you. I ran out of anything funny Why don't you deny me water lock me into a room And when I'm when I'm having heat prostrations, then I see if I have a couple more one liners in me Looked at the clock and I realized oh my god Is the same woman from last time there? Yes, take your hat off But she really wasn't mad though, right? I don't even remember who the woman was You had a woman comic in the studio. You said I'm sorry. I didn't get to talk to you much By the way, I stopped tape so uh, oh, thank god. Thank god because I was about to say something funny I stopped tape wait. Can you tell me a favor when you have definitely stopped tape? Please give me a heads up. Okay. Okay, but we have stopped tape. We're gonna wrap up the thing that I need you to do Yeah, you want me to kidnap the pope, right? Yeah Have we stopped tape we've stopped tape you keep calling me. Let's kidnap the pope. We'll never have to work again And I'm saying how we it's a it's a prank. It's a prank I love it. You have you keep calling me. Let's kidnap the pope. The Vatican bank has all this money and I'm saying Andy I This is dangerous stuff to kidnap a pope. Hey, why don't you live a little all right? We've stopped how poorly This is how poorly I do the character who doesn't know that the machine is still We've stopped tape Have you stopped tape? I've stopped tape. Yes. Okay, because here's the thing I wanted to say I'm recently getting sexually attracted to neo nazis and I'm a little worried about it I can't masturbate without a swastika shoved up my puppet Have you stopped tape? Oh, of course, I've stopped tape. Okay. I found something in my colon I know what you're gonna say. What was I doing in my own code? Andy kindler, thank you so much. I love you. David. I love you so much. Okay, buddy. Okay, catch me on the rebound, right? Yes, can we plug your new thing your new venture? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna be on berb griffin tonight And then I'm hosting Mike Douglas all week I thank you. I love you. I love you too. This is great. Thank you. Bye. Bye