 I'm from Monmouth, Maine, or Young, however you'd like to look at it. And I love doing comedy, and I've met some of the best people out there. I like long walks on the beach, trashy romance novels, and feel free to buy me a margarita. I know what you're thinking. Who is this lady? Why is she here? Shouldn't she be performing menopause in the musicals sometimes? Because I know, when you look at me, you think, she's dry. Again, again, don't worry about it, it's okay. I tried before I came here tonight. We have a weekly standing call, Saturday, at 3.30, right before their dinner. They live in Florida year-round. Now, up until last year, they used to snowbird, but I've been getting a little older. They've decided to live in Florida full-time. And I am here to tell you that it is much easier to be a bitter disappointment from 1,500 miles away. My mother is 80 years old. She's a retired schoolteacher. She's a great grandmother. She's bat-shit crazy. When they were home last year, she fell and broke her wrist while walking off. Thank you. While walking her beloved Shih Tzu Bella. Or she makes me call her my sister. So I get a call. Your mother's been taken to the hospital. So I rush over to the hospital. I get off the elevator and I can hear my mother. Oh, the pain! Oh, it hurts! So I fly into her room and I'm like, What is going on, mom? The doctor says your mother has refused pain medication until someone from her family arrived. I'm like, Mom, why would you do that? The doctor said, I believe her exact words were, she was concerned that if she fell asleep, the staff would steal from her. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Mom, take pain medication. Finally, she took her pain medication and fell asleep. And that's when I stole her wallet. $2 and a worthers original is what she held out for. She's crazy. My mom is super, super old school. You do not call people at work. You never bother someone at work. Well, first of all, she's just surprised I managed to hold down a job. So she never calls me at work unless, of course, somebody is dead in the family. So I see her call a few days ago at work. And I'm like, here we go. Please let it be Uncle Ralph. Please let it be Uncle Ralph. I am so tired of being kissed on the mouth by that man. And last Christmas, there might have been tongue. Oh, I answered the phone. Hi, Mom. And she's like, don't call the house at four o'clock. So I'm totally taken aback. I'm like, Mom, what's going on? Do not call me at four o'clock today. I'm like, OK, Mom, I won't call you. Why can't I call? The psychic is calling. I'm like, the psychic? She's like, my friend Shirley has this psychic. She's fantastic. She's going to tell me my future. And I don't want the phone beeping in. I'm like, fine, I won't call you at four o'clock. I get off the phone and I think, well, this psychic's got quite the racket going. Let's call 80-year-old women and tell them their future. Hi, Ms. Brenda. Oh, I see in your future, death. When my mother turned 75 years old, I said, Mom, what do you want to do for your birthday? I'll do whatever you want. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. And she said, you know, I always wanted to go to P-town. Now, for those of you who don't know, P-town is Provincetown. And it is a delightful coastal community in Massachusetts known for its vibrant gay culture. I love it. And I love, love, love it. If I didn't like penis so much, I'd be gay. That's how much I love it. So we go to P-town. We see a show. We see the parade. We have a great time. We decide to do a little shopping. And my mom calls me over, Julie, Julie, come here. Look at this bracelet. It's so cute. I'm going to buy it. It'll go with everything. So I look down and she has a beaded rainbow bracelet on it. And I'm like, yeah, let me get it. She goes, oh, I'm just going to wear it out of here. And I'm like, uh, no, no, you're going to get a bag. You're not, you're not going to wear it out of here. Oh, Julie, I don't want to have to carry a bag around. I'm like, mom, you can buy the bracelet. But you're not wearing it out of here. And we'll talk about it outside. So we get outside. And my mother says, why wouldn't you let me wear the bracelet? And I'm like, mom, it's rainbow. It's gay pride. She's like, well, you don't care if people think you're gay. I'm like, no, I care if they think I'm with you. I'm going to share a secret with you. This is a big one. This is a big secret. So this is the secret on how to become invisible. OK, this is good. No cloak necessary. No magic wands needed. No incantations. The only thing that you need to become invisible is to become a woman in your 50s. You are invisible. It happens. You're beautiful though, so no worries for you. No man under the age of 65 can see you. No women under the age of 35 can hear you. And no clerk at American Eagle is ever going to ask if they can help you. It's what I refer to as entering the ma'am zone. Do you like help out to your car, ma'am? Anything else? Ma'am. Excuse me. Ma'am, could you move? You're blocking the hot chicks. It's OK. It's not all bad in the ma'am zone. They make products specifically for those of us in the ma'am zone. That's right. There's Spanx underwear. The name alone lets you know how it's going to feel when you put it on and take it off. There's poise pads. Because I never feel more poise than when I'm peeing my pants. How many of you can say you registered your car and peed your pants at the same time? This gal can. That's it. Oh, and then there's Vagestat. I don't actually have a problem with Vagestat. It's been a long time since something wanted to get there immediately. It's the ma'am zone. It's being invisible. I'm so invisible. Five years ago, I decided to enter a triathlon. It was just for women. It was all about empowering women. I spent months training for this thing. I ran. I bite. I swam. The day finally arrives. I take the four hours necessary to get this into a white suit. I am on the shoreline, and I am just so pumped up about this. And the announcer starts calling us in. All women, 35 to 40, may now enter the water. Off they go, and the crowd goes crazy. All women, 40 to 45, may now enter the water. Off they go, and the crowd is just screaming. 50, may now. Off they go, and the crowd is in a frenzy at this point. And I'm on the shoreline. Oh my God, my group's next. I can't believe it's finally here. I've worked so hard for this day. Everyone else. Are you kidding me? And then I realized right there that I am the human equivalent of meatloaf. I am the leftover. Oh, you'd still eat it just as long as no one was looking. Speaking of vaginas. What's with ladies night? I'm sorry, drives me crazy. I go to a restaurant with a friend of mine. The perky little waitress runs right up. Oh, hi ladies. It's a good night to be here. It's ladies night. Oh, thank God I strapped on my vagina before I left the house. Every day is ladies night in my world. So pandemic was like it's winding down, life's getting back to normal. So I decided to take a little Julie time. Went to a spa, going to get a facial, pedicure the whole thing. Sitting in the waiting room with my nice white puffy robe. Waiting for my turn and I see on the table a pamphlet. And it says, are you a woman in your fifties? Does your vagina look tired? And there's a little cartoon drawing of a yawning vagina. Then perhaps vaginal rejuvenation is for you. And I'm like, well, I mean, if it's, you know, just dipping it in some orange juice and it's going to perk it up, sign me up. I opened the pamphlet. It is not. It is not. Some dude came up with this idea seriously. And you know what I started thinking? If you're a woman in your fifties and your vagina looks tired, good for you. I hope my bail is not in this. I can only be shot from the half of the neck up, please. There you go. Just from here to here. That'd be nice. Thank you very much. I'd appreciate that. I'm Leonard Kimball. I live in Auburn, Maine. I'm originally from Chicago. So I learned how to watch comedy in Chicago. And then I moved out here. And then I learned how to do comedy. So for four years I've been doing comedy. It's been great. I love what we've been producing with the River Comics here at Crapper Underground. It's been so, so far. I love it. Thank you guys so very much for coming out this evening. We have a fun time in the store for you guys. I'm so happy to see you all. But before I get too far into my set, I just want to pause and ask you guys to look up here to maybe not jump into any conclusions or pre-judge me in our social environment that we have nowadays. I really want everyone to understand that the microphone adds 10 pounds. And I've been doing a lot of comedy lately. I've also been doing a lot of cheeseburgers. Yeah, a lot of cheeseburgers. So let's just acknowledge the brown elephant in the room. I'm out of shape. I get winded now and then. And now... I don't want to alarm you, but it's been over an hour since I... I'm working on things though. I got myself this calorie counting app and my losing app says for breakfast tomorrow I can have 30 sit-ups. I check my Fitbit and it says, Ask again later. I got myself this stationary bike. It's very stationary. I went to Burger King the other evening and the young lady's behind the counter and I say, Hi, can I have a wobbly with cheese meal, please? She looks hand-me-down. She has this disgusting look on her face and she goes, Oh, don't you mean too wobbly with cheese meals? And I said, yes. Yes, she knows me. Thank you guys. Please laugh at my jokes. I have high cholesterol. So during the pandemic, it gave me an opportunity to work on other parts of my act and I've been working on a couple of impressions. So if you guys will indulge me this evening, I'd like to try them out for you if you don't mind. See if you guys can guess this first impression. That's Jesus of Nazareth. I know there aren't many recordings of his voice, but I think I got it. All right, I got one more. This is a little bit hard. Does this bus take tokens? That's Rosa Parks. You guys know who Rosa Parks is, right? All right, civil rights leader, presidential medal of freedom. Don't worry, I'm not going to get into else. Might have recently won a presidential medal of freedom. Mother Teresa. I'm going to pack. You guys are cool with the religious stuff. I saw a bumper sticker on a car the other evening and it said, Jesus is my co-pilot. And I'm like, is Jesus not going to be a pilot? I mean, he's Jesus for Christ's sake. I discovered recently, actually, that I think I might be an atheist. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm an atheist. I don't believe in Jesus, but I know he believes in me. Oh, we got some Sunday school goers in the back. Excellent. Yeah, I actually grew up going to Sunday school every week. My grandmother brought me up in the church and we were taught to be kind to one another, the golden rule, treat each other the way you want to be treated, or else this invisible man in the sky who watches you while you masturbate will throw you into a fiery pit for all eternity. And little 13-year-old Leonard was like, I was cool with it just being kind part. Fiery pit. Like, watching me while I masturbate? Who was it? Uncle Carl? I'm sorry, man. Now, I saw in the news the other day that Maine's math scores have dropped by 2% every year for the last four years. But actually, how can anyone know for sure? Great, that's not much. We're on the reset for that one. Thank you guys, I appreciate that. So I live here in Auburn and I have a couple of close personal friends on the Auburn police force. Back in my hometown of Chicago, I have a couple of uncles who are firefighters. You know, brain guys. I just have a tremendous amount of respect for first responders. Can we just quickly give it up for first responders? No one ever talks about the second responders. The CSI guys. I think we need to give them a little bit of love too, occasionally. Like, someone can just throw out a, a nice sheet. Okay, I'll wait for people to get it, okay? All right, all right, all right. Hey, you zip that bag up like a real pro. You didn't catch any flesh at all in the zipper. Oh, hey, cool pressure washer, man. It's like nothing ever happened. I pictured a second responder showing me that a bank robbery. Bullets are flying and he's like, Holy shit, I'm here way too early. You guys don't even have the little cones out yet? Oh my goodness. I'm a second responder. I don't, I don't go into the scene in a second to go on and eat the tape. You guys might know Russell Wilson. He's a famous black NFL quarterback. I, I saw that he, he left his white wife for a black woman and he's a millionaire. But I, I couldn't possibly leave my white wife. But it's not for the reason you might think, you know, she makes more money than I do. And that's not for the reason you might think. It's actually, it's actually because she's white. I'm actually not very good at being black. You guys are looking up here like, Hey, um, what's up with his skin? Yeah, I'm an African American. But I married a white woman though. Like I said, any other white people out there? Yeah, represent. Well, you guys are everywhere. Deaf Leopard, yay. That's special for you, right? Poor, so children. You know, I love my wife. I do. But my next wife will love Wu-Tang Clan. They're an African American rap super group. So like I said, my wife's white, so my kids are only half Africans. That means they know how to swim. Also, their credit is only half bad. It's okay, it is first. They have excellent rhythm, but can only dance to niggle back. And my son, he's the best black kid on the chess team and the best white kid on the basketball team. Yeah, I'm not very good at being black, as you guys might be able to tell. But my cousin though, he has a PhD in African American studies. He got me a t-shirt. It says, dream like Martin, lead like Harriet, think like Malcolm. And I'm just praying that none of my white friends ask me who any of these people are. Yeah, I'm so bad at being black, I once drank an IPA on a marina. I'm so bad at being black, I don't know if it's Whitney Houston or Mary who died. Like you guys know, okay? I'm so bad at being black, I thought Juneteenth was a typo. I'm sorry, it just doesn't look right. It's not a real word. I discovered recently that a lot of my white friends count me as their one black friend. But jokes on them, all of my black friends count me as their one white friend. Yeah, I like Alan's coffee brandy instead of cabacier. I listen to Taylor Swift instead of Rihanna. And I'm a boring, regular sized ninety and a half inch penis like the rest of you. I'm going to stare at my crotch and I'll get out of here. Thank you guys very much. I'm counting for quite some time, it feels like. I grew up in Portland and that's a pretty funny town. You know, and that's just the way it is when you're a kid and you're a little short and you look like this. So you got to be funny to get through each day. Fun as an adult isn't the same as fun as a kid, is it? No, fun as a kid. Remember like riding your bike down a road, like really fast, just pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, pedaling and seeing that curve at someone's driveway and hitting that and thinking like, wow, I'm getting some air here and it's like an inch really. That was fun as a kid, right? Yeah, that was fun. Now if you run up on the curve as an adult, you're arrested for drunk driving. It's not so much fun. Not me personally. As a kid, fun was like just playing video games. All day long, just video game, video game, yeah, Saturday. I've never played Nintendo. Mario Brothers, I'm going to get to level 8-4. Yeah, Mario Brothers was fun, right? I can't do this. I can't think of that song now. Thank you. Now you're all, you're all fucked the rest of the evening. Fun, damn it. But that was fun as a kid, just playing video games constantly. Now it's like zoom meetings. Yeah, you're just staring at the screen, right? You're just like, why aren't these women kissing? That's a lot of pandemic. Now one guy did get coffered drinking on, that was bad before that. It wasn't the same as the cat guy in court. How do you, you know, like, yeah, that was messed up, wasn't it? Oh my goodness gracious. It's hot up here, isn't it? I've got this jacket on, I don't know why. At this point it's very hot. I'll unbutton them. Okay, I'll just unbutton the button. Yeah, all right. I lost my train of thought. No, this is great. This is fun. Thanks so much for having me here. It is my room, but, I'm just kidding. We're having fun. This is good fun. I think I had more fun stuff, but I don't know. Fun as an adult is literally sitting in a dark room where no one's talking. Am I right? It's just everyone quiet. You know, just kind of, just sitting, eyes closed. This is fun. That is though, as an adult. As a kid, like you can't sit quiet. Like my son, he's 10, he wakes up at 6 a.m. and he's gone. Like it's just, you know, right out of the door, right out of the gate. It doesn't even change his underwear or anything. It's disgusting. Disgusting little master. I hate, I hate that kid. He's, he's cute and shit, but, like he's not a good athlete. Like he's always on the team without the mothers with good yoga pants. That's how you can engage your little league team. Like do the mothers have good yoga pants? If they don't, then the team is going to suck. It's going to be a long season battle. I'm sorry. You're going to strike out a lot. Me too, so. That was fun. Yes, my name is Nick Gordon. I am the vice president of the River Commons. Vice, just basically, meaning president of vices. So if anyone's got a cigarette, we can bomb or, you know, spot, you know, heavy, heavy stuff. They only sell beer here. There's no, like whiskey or whatever. So, that was funnier in my head. That's all right. Nick Gordon is the name I use. I go by, my real name is Nicholas Richard Gordon. That's a pretty powerful name. Right? Nicholas Richard Gordon. They come on. Who comes up with that shit? That's what the maternity nurse has said to my mother when I was born. They're like, you know, what are we going to put on the verses? Nicholas Richard Gordon. And they're like, wow, what a name. What a powerful name. What a regal name. What an amazing name for a teenage mother to come up with. So aggressive. She's a good mom. She, she wrote me a letter when I was born. She sealed it up in an envelope and wrote on it to be opened upon my death. That was 42 years ago. Thank you, mom. 42 years later, here I stand for you, two degrees from college, one of them being an English degree, and the mother who did not go to college. So now I have this letter from my mother that I have to open upon her death and read upon her death and edit upon her death. I really like being a mother. I was like, I'm a little older. I had a cousin who close in age to me. He's a little bit older. She's smarter than me because you know girls are smarter than guys, right? Yes. I was, you know, she started calling me Nicholas Pickles Ridiculous, my cousin, and she called me Nicholas Pickles Ridiculous. I'm like, that's pretty funny. Of course, we grew up and learned cousins. Don't stay friends. Unless I get married, of course. I mean, we are in Maine. That's terrible. That's terrible. I got to middle school. People started calling me Gordo. Gordo was my first nickname, Gordo. I was like, that's pretty cool. I got to Spanish 3 and then the Gordo means fat. And my lunch ladies are assholes. I'll have another taco boat if I want. Got to high school. People started calling me Flash. Flash Gordon. I was like, that's pretty sweet. That's cool. Flash Gordon. Of course, it's after my first sexual experience. I was pushing it. Now these kids actually have two kids. I've got the little boy. He's a tan. I've got a girl who's 13. They call me Papa. I'm like, that's, you know, I just like, I don't know, something different. Plus, my father's name is Dad, so. These jokes are hard to write, so. I'm going to bear with me here. Now I haven't called me Papa. I think I just relate better to old people. I don't know. Right? So how old are you? 12. Yeah, 12. 12 times. Have you had soup today? Let's ask you that. Twice? Yeah, I had soup twice. Okay, so there we go. I love, I love soup. The only problem like death is the fact that you haven't tried all the soups yet. There's just so many good soups. It's late. It's like, what time is it? Let me just, it's 7.30 a.m. Like we should be home. We should be in bed. This is ridiculous. We cannot be out and having fun at this age like this. I just, I'm not like Jeopardy, you know, I'm like Matlock, you know, same old cool things. Anything soft. I like my candy heart because my penis is soft. I got it slow too. Those aren't lambs, are they? Laugh or get out of my nose. This is fun. This is good. This is good. I, have you guys ever rolled your own piece of bologna with mustard in it for dinner? It's good. It's where I'm at. Bologna roll. Yeah, bologna roll. That was another nickname. I just received one. Is my fly not zipped? Is that what the problem is? I'm sorry for that. I thought it looked more important with this jacket on bologna roll. That's going to be the name of my first album. Yeah, bologna roll. Good thing we're getting this on video. Bologna roll. I actually, I'm actually pretty good, pretty good sex. I don't know. Yeah, I, well, where do I start? During the pandemic, I had some booty calls. In honor of the pandemic, I think I, I think I, I think we should rename the booty call. So what, what I came up with is in honor of the pandemic, the booty calls should, I have three options. Let me just take a poll. Am I going too slow? First one is grub hubba hubba. That's pretty good, right? Second one is uber ebby. My third option was whore dash. Nice. I know it should be sex worker dash, but it doesn't. Yeah, right. I am a feminist. I understand. Thank you. The one sex worker in the front. You know, consequently, all those apps, I decided the promo code is going to be hello fresh. That's pretty good, right? No, I, you know, I had a girl ask me to tap into my primal urges. Right? I don't know if it was a guy who has primal urges necessarily, but that's what she said. I was like, well, I look, I think I look more like an out of work build-a-bearer. You want a primal urges? I think I look like every member of the band, Bear Naked Ladies, rolled into one. What I look like. She's like, no, tap into your primal urges. Fuck me like an animal. Spank me and pulled my hair. I said, at the same time, I tried it. I did it. You guys seen Castaway, right? Wilson of volleyball. Thanks. Nobody's a Tom Hanks man. You're an elite of your own. God damn it, that was terrible. I am divorced, in case you couldn't tell. Who's not divorced? You guys are married? How long? Almost 10 years. Almost 10 years. You guys must have known the secret to marriage. No, he's shaking his head. Just fucking on this ride, man. Is that a spinal tap shirt overwearing that? Johnny Cash. There you go, sweet. Johnny Cash. I don't remember who that is. No. Do I look like a guy who knows who Johnny Cash is, honestly? Okay. I probably did. It was a movie, right? Walk the line. Thank you. All right, fucking A. Right. It's hard. The light is hot. It's hard. No, I cannot. I will not. I cannot. That's not what anyone wants to see here. They just want to laugh. They just want to laugh. What was I fucking talking about? The secret to marriage. So listen, when she comes home someday and says to you, hey, we're going gluten free, your response cannot be, well, I'm fucking a neighbor for mac and cheese. All right. So there's that. That's the secret. We got divorced on Halloween a few years ago. Best day to get guys up, kids? Yeah. We have kids, too. We have kids. I mean, there's still a little bit around. We just split them up. I have no idea where they are at this moment. It's just fine. So we didn't tell the kids so they were getting divorced and we ended up finalizing on Halloween. That's a big problem because then you get to take them trick-or-treating one last time and you get a chance to dress up like a family. And then I heard my ex-wife say, hey, check that candy for razors and poison and alimony. That's it. That's fine. So that's me in a nutshell. And then this is me. I mean, are you 42 yet? No? Yeah. He's not 40. This is what you're going to look like. Young youth in the future. This is what I'm sweating and it's like long hair and a weird beard and like just stupid clothes that aren't all washed. I don't know what the hell's going on. I grew my hair. I've had short hair like you and I grew it during the pandemic. And I was like, I got to get a cut a little. I just got to get a trim. So I went to the barber. I told her, hey, can you, can you make me look a little more like a midlife crisis and a little less actual crisis? She's like, yes. Yes, I can. She's like, you know what we're going to do is we're going to go for like like a Bradley Cooper and a Star is born. In the end, that's what it's going to look like. I said in the end, he killed himself. And she goes, I know. I thought about killing myself during the pandemic. I don't know about you guys. I also thought about making sourdough. You can kill yourself faster than you can make sourdough, but I'm not going to do either one of those things. No, this is 42. 42 is interesting. I don't know if you guys remember turning 42 or not. Let you get into your 40s. You're like, I got to get in better shape because, you know, right now, like from the front, I look okay, but you can see me from the side. It's like, oh God, where is it going? So I'm like, I got to get better shape. What's the easiest exercise you can think of? Oh, head, shoulders, knees and toes. And then you get into your 40s and you're like, well, let's start with head, shoulders. Like that's, I should be head, shoulders, knees, knees, knees, knees, knees, knees, belt buckle penis. And then you can't go to Planet Fitness ever again. That's the trouble there. Do you exercise? You look like you exercise. No, I don't. You just ruin that. That's true. That's true. When you used to, did you wear the short shorts with the underwear built in? No, I didn't. I do that. It's fun. Actually, surprisingly comfortable. I would put them on and I'm like, all right, actually, this works. This is wicked comfortable. For me, not so much for the people behind me, but how can they both move separately from now? They work great. They were great when you got here, right? Now they're just black from sweat. That's brutal. Then you got to do that like a swimsuit roll down thing and kick them off against the back of the bathroom door and hang them with your mother's bras. So gross. That's terrible. Don't exercise. Just not good for you. When you get in your 40s, like you start I've worn glasses for a long time, but the prescription gets a little bit stronger and you really I'm pretty blind without these glasses on. I wouldn't be able to see any of you here without these glasses on. I need these glasses to find these glasses. I use these glasses to be sitting down. It's pretty bad. I can't use them as a prop. Some people, they kind of like to put on top of their head and go, oh, here's my glasses. Did you? Is there another I mean, is there another show going on? But I like I can't put them down the end of my nose and say to kids like, hey, get off my lawn. Where'd you go? I can't put them in my mouth all sexily. Like, mmm, I love them. Oh, sex worker. Oh, yes. Where'd you go? I can't whip them off my face at work and throw them on a stack of papers and be like, these numbers don't add up. Glasses. This side is very good. Number eight at the bar. Greg and Mike out there tip them well. Give it up for Greg and Mike at the bar. It's a good comedy show when you get Greg and Mike at the bar. It's also a good comedy show when I talk about my glasses. I like wearing glasses. I don't like maybe going blind some day. But I kind of get thinking about it, like, if I go fully blind, like, name five famous blind people. Stevie Wonder. Ray Charles. Ray Charles, for the purpose of this joke, stop right there. That's three blind people. That's two piano players and some woman. There's room at the top of the list. I'll go fully blind. There is that guy. His name is Eric. I can't think of his last name, but he went fully blind as a teenager and he became an extreme athlete just for fun. He hiked Mount Everest blind. Check it out. Look it up. It's nutty. Fully blind, hiked Mount Everest. We're not doing that. We're all pretty able-bodied here on some of the... I'm sorry. I don't even... I'm just... It's just not nice. And I got to walk that way, too. You guys are full six inches taller than I am. I can tell. Just sit in there. I'm just going to strangle me to death. None of you are going to stop it because you're like, yeah, he wasn't that funny. It's funny. But this kid, Eric, he hikes Mount Everest blind. I commend him. I think it's amazing. However, I think his friends fucked up. Like, there's still snow on top of Mount Washington, you guys. They couldn't have taken the long way. They could have, like, said, oh, here we go. We're hiking up Mount Everest. Here we go, Eric. Ooh, watch that step. I said, you're going to be great. Yeah, the Sherpas are everywhere. You're leading the pack. That's why I can't hear them talking. It's funny. And then they get up into where it's snowing and whatnot. They're like, oh, my God, Eric, you made it. You did great. And then they turn on those really big fans on. They're just really windy. Throw some snowballs at him. Sorry, the camera batteries ran out. We'll have to do it again later. That's fun. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Where do we go from here? Where do we go from here? Any hockey players in here? Nobody plays hockey? We're in fucking Lewiston, Auburn, and no one plays hockey? That's outrageous. I played hockey. I did, at least, and then I got into a fight. Anybody ever been in a fight? Fights happen fast. Think of the last time you were in a fight. If anyone's been in a fight, you know it happens quick. And in a hockey game, it's really fast. This guy, we went into the corner together. For those who don't play hockey, it's like, I feel stupid now. You go into your hockey bit, and no one's going to... I don't know what you're talking about, man, because they don't... No, I was just kidding. Anyway, you guys all seen hockey. You know hockey is, right? Yeah. I feel like I'm taming lions over here. So, anyway, he hits me with a butt and a stick in my chin. And so I grab the stick, and I throw it down the end, and I say, like, you ask, and he comes at me. He's like, I'm just swearing at me, and I slash him, like, I should take care of it. I should take care of it. And I'm like, I'm just going to go to Pelion Box. No big deal. I know the guys reffing the hockey game, and they're just standing there looking at me. I'm like, what are you going to do, Gordo? I'm like, I don't know. I'm pretty fat, so... And then this guy just drops his gloves, and he's coming at me. And I'm like, oh, shit, here we go. And then I grab his cage, and I pull it down over his eyes, and I just hit him in the side of the head, and then we fall down on top of each other. And it was a good date. Um... It was it. It was over like that. It was amazing. It was like a real fight. And the fucking shit, like my referee friends that were standing there, just watching it, like, oh, let's see what he's got. You know, you know, I'm like, you guys, you've got to help me out here. Because I looked up the guy afterwards on Facebook. That's what everyone does after they go out with someone, right? He's a goddamn Marine. Like, I couldn't do that when my fucking face caved in. By a Marine that skates like a pussy, like, I'd say. Great equalizer, my friend. Put the skates on. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that was fun. I had a good time. God, what else do you guys want to talk about? I wanted to talk about it. This is crazy. You guys having fun? Back to your hosts, for the Evangelion pool, guys. Thank you so much for coming up. And thank you for this. Shocker ladies, Nick is single and available. So pandemic. Nick talked a lot about the pandemic and I don't know about you guys, but I got to work from home, which I loved. I have been married for 37 years. Thank you. Thank you. He also got to work from home. So we had two years of being together every single day. And I learned so much about my husband and my marriage. I mean, I just learned, I hate the way he eats, breathes, sleeps, walks, talks, changes the channel on TV, opens the refrigerator, gets the mail talks to our dog, talks to our children, chews his food, flushes the toilet, floats his laundry. Sorry. Oh, that felt good. That felt good. Actually, I'm really sad that we're both back to work. He works second shift, so I don't see him very often. And I hate to admit this, since he's been gone, I had to go buy one of those toys for my evenings. But I put half-dead batteries in it, so it's just like he's there.