 All right, we are rocking a rollin' today. Question from Katina. How to tell he wants a second date? First date was great, but not sure how interested he is. Okay, that one's interest, that's easy. He plans the date. That's how you know he's interested. Now, if you got on a first date with someone, usually a guy who wants to see you will either lock you up for the next date at that moment before the date ends, or he's contacting you very quickly, usually within one or two days. At the very most, you'll have to wait one or two days. That's how you know. There's really no other way to know. He either says it right afterwards, and he makes a plan, or he does it a few days later. That's the sign he wants to see you a second time. The problem here with dating is we, folks, we have to understand that the getting to know you phase is challenging because a lot of times we're dating with a lot of doubt. In other words, unless there's amazing chemistry between two people, there's always gonna be tons of doubt. Ladies, you're feeling doubt whether or not you're attracted to him, whether or not he's a good person. He's feeling doubt about you, so there can be reservations about a second date. By the way, this is one of the reasons why I encourage women to call the guy up and say, hey, I had such a great time with you. I'd like to show you my appreciation that you treat on the date. I'd like to show my appreciation by taking you out for drinks Thursday night or Friday night, which works better for you. Now, if he's not interested, he's gonna say thank you or he's gonna go, or he's not gonna respond, okay? But if he is interested, now you've established the second date. So, folks, stop playing the rules-based way of expecting men to chase. You can make effort too. You can. It's okay. A man's penis will not fall off. It will not make his penis shrink up because he's intimidated because I'm not Jonathan. I'll be in my masculine energy if I ask a guy out and that's gonna intimidate him. Look it, unless you've got a shotgun pointed to his face, unless you're physically bigger than him, you can't intimidate him. Only a weak guy gets intimidated, but do you wanna be with a weak guy anyway? So, you can make effort as well. That's my invitation for you. All right, thanks so much. I appreciate that question. All right, I wanna thank Kim Turner for giving me a few good questions in order to vet a new date. My favorite first question to ask someone, what does commitment look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? So, folks, commitment, you guys know my standard. Commitment looks like this. We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and kids, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal or professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, all in an exclusive relationship where we either live together at some point or get married. That's what commitment looks like to me. Here's what most guys are gonna say. Huh? That's a deer in the headlight. What does commitment look like? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But the problem is, ladies, you don't know what commitment looks like for you. I'm gonna tell you something. I had a coaching call a couple of years ago. A woman calls me up telling me about the relationship she in. She says, Jonathan, I want more commitment from the guy I'm with. We've been dating nine months. I'm like, great. What does commitment look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great. What does it look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. Great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, like she thought screaming was actually describing. Screaming doesn't describe anything. So saying it louder didn't change. You did not know what you wanted in this particular case. So coming back to Kim, ask the question, what does commitment look like for you? And listen to how he responds. Because then you can determine if maybe you're not on the same page or you are on the same page. That's a good question. Another good question to ask someone is, how fucked up are you? And I'm just joking. But actually asking somebody about their emotional well-being, surprisingly, you can catch people off guard by saying, you know what, I've noticed a lot of guys seem really fucked up in the dating process. How fucked up are you? You say it with humor. You say it with a tongue in cheek. But you'll be surprised. Men will divulge their dysfunctionality if they are relatively fucked up. I mean, a smart, intuitive man won't, but most men are unconscious. So if you do it in a fun way, just saying, hey, I've noticed a lot of guys seem really fucked up in the dating process. Is this normal? How fucked up are you? You say it with a smiling face. He might divulge his dysfunctionality and you might be able to go bye-bye much sooner. So those are two quick questions. You might wanna try, Kim. Hope that helps. Thanks so much. All right, let's go swimming. Liz Taylor says, let's be real then. I agree. Nicole says, I know I'm fucked up as I haven't even dated since my, by the way, I ran into my high school prom date recently. My girl, I dated in high school and her husband passed away a year ago as well. So I'm sending you a big hug of love right now. I'm sending Kim Turner. Sounds like Scooby-Doo. I don't know. Thanks so much. I appreciate that. All right. Kelly says, projections of the past can get to you if you let it speak life into new love, less doubt and more questions. Exactly. Robin says, Jonathan, you sound like Scooby-Doo. I didn't think about that, but thank you. Hey, Doug is in the house. Doug, I find that things that might have actually worked can easily fall apart between the first and second date due to doubts by each or the other things happen. Yes, Doug brings up a good point. So folks, I've had great first dates. And as a matter of fact, this happened within the last four or five months. I had a really nice date with a woman. Then the next morning I woke up going, I don't wanna see her again. I was feeling resistance. And I didn't know why. I was just feeling some resistance. And as I explored it, I came up with a lot of rationalizations in my head, but I was just feeling resistance. Sometimes we feel resistance because our intuition is saying, no, no, no, no, no. And not because she was a bad person. In fact, she was an amazing person. When you reached a highly attuned level in your intuition, your intuition speaks to you in a very silent voice because that resistance wasn't fear or anxiety. It was just like, wow, I'm just feeling resistance. So it is common from the first to second date, from after the first date to maybe hit a wall. And like in my case, I'm pretty highly attuned to my intuition, but that's very common. Look, listen folks, it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time, a hundred hours of face-to-face time to develop the first stage of trust in a relationship. Let me repeat that. It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to develop the first layer of trust. And trust is built through layers. So just understand this. This is why, listen, some women have learned to date like men. Men don't get attached to the future outcome. We might futurize with you. Listen, when men are excited and we're horny and we're feeling lust or limerence, we might plan your entire future with them on the first, second, or third day. Usually it's the first or second day, okay? We have a habit of what's called futurizing, meaning we try it on for size. But here's the thing. We are never attached to that outcome. Ladies, the minute you like a guy, you are attached to the future. You are so hyper-focused on the future instead of appreciating the experience. And when you're focused on the future, you've created an expectation. And as my friend Guy Blue says, expectation is the mother of disaster and desperation is her twin sister. If you create an expectation of a future with a guy, you are setting yourself up for failure until you've actually established a deep, rich, committed relationship together, committed relationship, and you are co-creating the relationship together. This is why I continually recommend reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, purchase two copies, read it together before the penis goes inside the vagina. And if you wanna learn how to actually develop a deeper relationship, I highly recommend reading a couple books. You might wanna read the book, Mating and Captivity by Esther Perrell, and you might wanna read the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. So Esther Perrell, Mating and Captivity, Gary Zukov. Let me tell you why you wanna read these books. Folks, you are all dating, most of you are dating under the premise that men are the leaders of the relationship. And you're hyper-focused on chemistry. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, here it is, above the water line is attraction. And as you can see in the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. Below the water line is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And as you start checking the boxes, you become more and more attracted to one another. Most of you folks are winging it when dating and you lack any intentionality. But Jonathan, I don't wanna put pressure on the guy by asking good questions. Folks, stop being afraid to talk to men. If you listen, read my book, chapter one, speak your truth, deal with kindness. And then later in the book, chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So folks, stop being afraid to leaning in, leaning in. Leaning back doesn't work, leaned into co-creating a relationship. Write these words down, co-creating a relationship. It's the two lane street and it happens from the very first date. I shared this story before, I'm gonna share it again. I'm going off on a tangent here for a second. I'll never forget, I had a first date with a woman and we went to a dive bar as per our first date. I mean, she was really excited about it. She was, I mean, she told me she was totally up for it. And I bought the first round of drinks and when it came to the second round of drinks, she pulls out her credit card and I go, no, I got it. And she goes, no, I got it. And I go, no, I got it. She goes, no, I got it. Now, all the other female dating coaches will tell you, she's in her masculine energy and it's gonna turn me off. What she did next blew me away. She put her hand on my arm. She said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated the last round. Would you allow, will you allow me to show my appreciation by treating the next round? Can you receive my love? I mean, she didn't use the word love but that's what in essence she was doing. Can you receive? Folks, in that moment I was floored. In that moment, I knew this woman could be a partner in life because you know what she did? She said, Jonathan, you mattered and I'm willing to invest in you. Folks, the dating process should be a mutual investing process, a mutual investment process. And if you're investing more than him, then it's misaligned. And if he's been investing more than you, it's misaligned. When it's done in a two lane street, that is your greatest chance for success. And while it didn't work out with this woman, she had major trust issues. And by the way, I'm the worst person to date if you have trust issues because I talk to women on the phone all day. But she had trust issues and I couldn't be with someone who has trust issues. But you know what? She showed up like a potential partner right from the get go and that's what I invite. And that's what I mean by co-creating. It's a two lane street, it's mutual effort to get to this because when you create a bond with one another that's strong, you can't break it apart. And that's what I invite everybody to do is co-create instead of the passive fucking way most people are dating based on this stupid book, The Rules. All right, I think you get the gist. By the way, Doug, thanks for jumping in on that one. I really appreciate it. I hope you found value in what I shared. Thanks so much. All right. Giselle says, 50-50 very important. No, it's 100-100, 100-100, not 50-50, 100-100. I know it's semantics, but I just wanna make sure that everybody gets that distinction. So thank you so much, Giselle. All right.