 In a moment, we are going to talk about what a man does to demonstrate he is loyal to you in a romantic relationship. Now, here's the thing. Why is loyalty so important? I think it's really important to establish that when two people choose to explore a relationship, we have the dating process and explore a relationship, there's this kind of sense that we are in this process to not just to get to know one another, but to build something together, which is usually centered around building trust with one another. And trust is really the element, one of the most important elements of loyalty. And this just isn't about fidelity when I talk about loyalty. This is fully committing to another person, fully saying, I'm all in, I want to explore something deeper with you, and I want to go the distance with you. Now, here's the thing. A lot of my contemporary YouTubers will hyper focus on attraction and masculine energy as the entryway into a relationship. There's a hyper focus on attraction and this masculine energy, and you just need to sit in your feminine energy. But let's think about this for a moment. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. We are swimming in a sea of broken human beings, and I don't mean this in a disparaging way broken. I'm talking about emotionally stifled human beings from an emotional perspective. And so I want you to think about this for a second. God, I might be repeating myself. You know, can a broken person, can an emotionally stunted person, can a person riddled with fears and insecurities fully commit to a relationship? Can they actually be loyal to another human being? And I think it's truly important to focus on someone's character in the early stage of dating and throughout the process of getting to know someone, and certainly in that space of being committed to another person, at least committed to the idea of exploring a relationship. And so what character plays a significant role in a person's loyalty? So I want to just share with you, these are my notes that I wrote beforehand. Some of the factors I believe is important to determine a person's character and then we'll lean into the sign that he is loyal to. Number one, their actions consistently match their words. If they say they're going to call you at a certain time, they're going to do it. If they make a commitment to see you at a certain time, they're going to commit to that. Now while there are exceptions to the rule, that's why I said consistently, there are going to be times where you have to cancel at the last minute. Something has come up. But I will say this, when a person cancels, pay attention if it's a BS excuse or it seems legitimate. Your spider sense is no when someone is BSing you. And if it happens consistently that their actions don't match their words, then how loyal can this person be to you in a significant relationship? Now another factor to consider in a man or woman's character is their capacity to be both generous and to be kind to you, other people, and certainly themselves. Excuse my slurping. By the way, my coffee mug says, I make the world go around. What do you do? This was a gift. It feels a little narcissistic, but it was a gift to me. Maybe they were trying to tell me something. Who knows? Well, I'm leaning into this generosity and kindness. Certainly in the very early stages of dating, a man can seem very generous and seem very kind because he has an ulterior motive. What's his ulterior motive most of the time? If a person is pushing the physical aspects of a relationship, then they could be generous and kind with a motive. I'm talking beyond the period of time when two people decide to explore a relationship. Is he consistently generous? Is he consistently kind? Generosity doesn't have to mean about paying for things. Generosity could be being a helper to you. Acts of service is one of the ways men demonstrate their generosity, their kindness. If you're not familiar with the work of Gary Chapman, I highly recommend checking out the book, The Five Love Languages. One of the love languages that I just mentioned is acts of service. Acts of service is the way humans demonstrate their generosity, their kindness. What's an act of service? It could be simply opening a car door for you. It could be an act of service. Let's say two people are in a more seasoned relationship. You need a ride to the airport because you're going on a trip. That's an act of service. It might be, hey, can you pick something up for me? Picking up pharmacy type of stuff, whatever it is. That's an act of service. And certainly when someone is generous and kind and they operate, again, it's not just paying for dates. It's do they demonstrate a level of generosity and kindness? Number three, he communicates clearly without having to be right. I will tell you that most couples aren't perfectly aligned with one another. The way they think, it's very rare two people think identically. Identity, did I say that properly? And because of that, there are going to be moments when there's friction in communication. And so it's incumbent upon both people to clearly state their needs, clearly state their wants, clearly state their desires, and not from a place of righteousness, not from a place on, especially when there's that friction I just talked about, when there's friction, it's not about being right. It's about finding spaces of mutual agreement. Versus I'm right and you're wrong. Another thing a person of character has is they don't use people. See, sadly, coming back to those broken people I mentioned earlier, they unintentionally use people because these human beings who are broken, they're stifled, they're emotionally constipated. They have some basic needs they want met. They want the need of companionship. They want the need of connection with another human being. They want the need of physical intimacy. See, a person of character, it isn't just seeking those things. They are actually seeking, well, when I say a person of character, I'm talking about this in the context of romantic relationships. And I'm of the opinion that it's only this process of dating, mating, or relating should be to find a life mate. You have a long-term mating strategy as opposed to a short-term mating strategy. People of character are very clear that commitment above all else is critically important to them. Because when somebody values commitment, they have a greater chance of acting loyal in the relationship. Sit with that for a moment. So when you're in the dating process, someone says, I just want to take it slow. I just need a casual. I don't want anything serious. Maybe I'll get married if I meet the right person. They don't have commitment as their purpose of being a relationship. They have the need for companionship. They have the need for connection. They have the need for sex, but not commitment. A person of character in my book, and this is purely my perspective on this, they have commitment on the forefront. And they're very clear about this very early on. I think another aspect of character that relates to loyalty is they have their act together. They have their act together, both emotionally and in their physical world. So they don't need to chase sex. They don't need to chase drugs. They don't need to chase partying as a way to fulfill their needs. They have their act together, both in their physical world. They keep a nice home for themselves. They can pay their bills. They don't have overly contentious issues in their life that requires them to seek drugs, alcohol, partying as a way to fulfill their emotional state of being. See, sadly, in the over 40 category, as I said earlier, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. The reason why people are broken is because they've had multiple relationships that didn't work out. I've given a lot of thought to this. How many of you have had more than three significant relationships? I'm talking about relationships that lasted over six months. And let me be clear about relationships. These are couples that saw each other on a regular basis. They were physically intimate with each other on a regular basis. And the original intent was to explore something beyond the surface. Now, the reason why I pre-qualify this is I can't tell you how many women come to me. They say, oh, I've been in a relationship with somebody for three years. I go, how often do you see each other? Oh, I've never met the person. What? Oh, yeah, it's a long distance relationship. We communicate via text messaging. I'm like, okay, that's a cyber relationship. Okay, I'm not talking about cyber relationships. I'm talking about physical relationships. And we're, oh God, I went off on a tangent. Oh, I was coming back to the idea we've had multiple relationships that haven't worked out. And that can have a deep emotional effect on someone that causes them to seek drugs, alcohol, other means of suppressing the emotional chaos that might have occurred from the trauma of unraveling a relationship that doesn't work out. I'm going to share with you. I think there's a significant percentage of women in the dating marketplace as well as men who are rather bitter, jaded, disillusioned, frustrated, well, frustrations are kind of, you know, kind of okay, but they're in a state of victimhood in the dating process and they carry this energy over. And that's not having your act together. Having your act together has victor consciousness, not victim consciousness. And sadly, at least here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness, but that's another conversation as well. They've healed their past relationships. They've just talked about past relationships. Having your act together means you've healed from your past relationships. You're an introspective person. You are looking inward. You know, how does my negative patterns and limiting beliefs affect my life? And you look inward and you do some introspective work on a regular basis. This demonstrates character. This demonstrates individuals that have the capacity to be loyal to another human being in relationship. One thing about people of character that truly demonstrates their loyalty is that they're protective of the people in their lives. They're protective, not in a controlling manner, in an empathetic way. They care about their other person's feelings from a place of empathy, from protective. And we're honestly protecting them from our individual self. If a man, a man of character who is exploring a relationship with someone and recognizes that this person probably isn't the one, he might need a little time to process that. He will end the relationship out of protecting her, not his own needs. Her needs. He is coming from a place of empathy. These are people of strong character. They have strong values. They demonstrate loyalty in relationship. And one thing about character, and this is so critically important about loyalty, I said this earlier, loyalty and they demonstrate trust in a relationship. Trust is paramount in their life. Trust isn't just about fidelity, as I said earlier. Trust is this other person's best interest is in my best interest. What's good for them is good for me. Their feelings matter. Their feelings are on par with my own feelings. See, the problem today is we're so myopic as individuals. And I say we, I'm part of this. I am not here to profess that I'm, you know, completely evolved. This is a work in progress for my, for me personally and for, I'm assuming you as well. But really genuinely, I said myopic is that we oftentimes are self-centric in an unintentional way because that need for companionship, that need for connection, that need for physical intimacy, oftentimes clouds our judgment. And a person of character wants to, wants to be clear of their own energy and they demonstrate trust early on. Now, one of the things about loyalty and building trust is establishing commitment very early on. They're very crystal clear about commitment. What it means to be in commitment, committed relationship with someone. By the way, if you're not familiar with the book, I talk about this all the time, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. Listen, chapter one, I want to just point this out for you. Chapter, I mean, if nothing else buy this book and read chapter one right there, lean on me, trust in commitment. Do you see that right there? Date one, lean on me, trust in commitment. If you do nothing in your life, by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend. By the way, I'm going to plug my own book really quickly. What the heck is self-love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, the links below to get a copy of my book. Folks, if you've purchased my book, do me a favor and write a review if you liked it. Okay, coming back to eight dates. When you understand trust and commitment, when you clearly embody and understand the complexities of how this relates to relationships for yourself, you are fully, you are in the path of being loyal to another human being. And when you understand this, you can recognize those men who have the, because they're doing this work, they have the capacity to be loyal to you. I think if a man does the following, this truly demonstrates his capacity to be loyal to you. And that is, he has the capacity to be vulnerable. He has the capacity to be authentic. And he has the capacity to be transparent with you if it's material to the relationship. See, if something is material to the relationship, he brings it up. He brings it up. It might be that, let me give you an example of transparency. I still have a friendship with, beside my ex-spouse, I don't really have a friendship with my ex-spouse, but I have a relationship with my ex-spouse and I still have a friendly relationship with two significant women in my life. I'm very upfront with somebody about that. That's transparency. Why is that important? Because I know many people have fears around that there might be still some longing for the other person, that there might be some desire from the other person that longs for them. And they have a fear around trust. They have maybe some trust issues. And I'm very transparent. I have a relationship with some women who I've been intimate with in my life. And I think that's material to the relationship. That's just one simple example. Men and women who express vulnerability, authenticity and transparency have a greater capacity to be loyal to another human being. And the one factor that I think demonstrates loyalty among all else is when somebody begins to integrate you into their lives. They introduce you to family. They introduce you to friends. They talk about their professional life. They bring up... They make plans for the future. They are integrating you into their lives. That is a great sign that he wants to build a level of loyalty with you when they integrate you into their lives. I think the last thing, and this is the sad piece of all, the use of words, the misuse of words in relationship. I know when I'm physically intimate with someone, I feel love for this person. I could literally say the words, I love you, when I'm physically intimate with someone. I don't do that anymore. I'm just aware that I've said that in the past. What I've recognized now when it comes to the words, I love you, it's almost as if it's a promise to another human being that you are loyal to them, that there is commitment, there's trust built. But I think it's important to recognize what does I love you mean to another person? Or what it should mean. This is just my... This is my perspective. This is what I think it should mean. When you say I love you to a person, I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere, and I only want you. I'm here means I'm present to this experience between the two of us. You matter. Well, coming back to what we talked about, your trust, your feelings matter to me. We are important. That means this relationship is a separate entity. You are a sovereign being. I'm a sovereign being. And our relationship is a sovereign unit as well. I value this relationship. I've got your back. That means when something's going wrong in your life, I'm jumping in. I'm going to help out. I'm a teammate in this relationship. I'm a team in this relationship. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. Listen, this establishes that I'm... That we have, you know, commitment as the forefront in our relationship is commitment. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all in. And lastly, I only want you. What does that mean? Physically speaking, I don't want to have sex with other women. Yeah, I might. A pretty woman might walk down the street. I might look at her for a nanosecond. I might have sex in my head for a nanosecond. But I don't want to be with that person. I want to be with you. I love you. I'm here. When someone says, I love you, I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. And I only want you. When you're experiencing that, if a man does those things in relationship, he is going to be loyal to you. It's hard not to be when a person is all in. And it starts coming back to the differentiating between the men with character and women with character and those people who are broken and doing nothing to heal. Because when someone is broken and doing nothing to heal, it's very difficult for them to fully lean into a loyal relationship with another human being. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please post a comment below. If you found value in this, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Also, there's links below to check out all the content that I have out in the world. Well, listen, since you're part of my group called Midlife Love Mastery, do me a favor. Send your friends to my website, JonathanAsley.com. Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm going to sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.