 So I want to be candid with you all and let you know that I actually borrowed this title from a friend of mine Matt Boggs And he's got great content. I didn't watch the video. He shared But I thought this would be a great topic to talk about how men Demonstrate their love how they show it and it's going to relate to a little bit to our relationship. So what do you think of that? Okay, I really everything in our coaching to our relationship. So Before I begin though, I do want to share something that we did this weekend or once a month We have a day devoted to our relationship where we unpack things within our relationship And we spend a day together in a little bit of romantic way but mostly in a way to connect with one another and Something came up this weekend that I thought I'd like to share with the group centered around our Ancestral connections to who we are and we're both parents of immigrants Actually, you come from another character children of the children We're parents of immigrants, correct. We're children of immigrants. Well, technically you're an immigrant Well, I am but you know, I came when I was four so so it doesn't count. So I'm American Yeah, but but yeah So we talked about our ancestors and why I'm bringing this up because when we think of relationships throughout history You know, it's a lot different today than what it was say our grandparents generation and the generation before that because love Wasn't the predominant reason for two people to mate together Okay Well, I mean do you agree with that? I Yeah, well, I do a lot of things were done in the past People were arranged or you were you just married someone that was compatible to your family And they could yeah your tribe. Yeah, you're trying but more importantly from a woman's perspective when she met a man It was also his job to protect her because she's leaving one family for another family And ideally if you could commingle families together the stronger the family unit the more they could survive the elements And so relationships I'm gonna say not your grandparents day But their parents before them a lot of it was based on survival. It wasn't based on love Well, think of the show we were watching and we were watching what was it called ancient civilizations And we're watching things like that So I'm just sharing all this with you because I think it's important to recognize that love if for the most part has really been a new phenomena in the course of Human mating versus throughout in caveman days up until you know, say three or four hundred years ago So when we talk about love oftentimes it's grandiose from the movies like the notebook or even one of my favorites Harry Met Sally We grand eyes love and yet today for midlife folks It's a lot harder to determine if somebody you're spending time with you is really actually Cares about you has your best interest truly loves you and You've experienced previous relationships where you weren't feeling that am I right? Yes, okay, and so now okay, and I was just bringing this up earlier Being in our relationship could you even go back to who you were to before? Like in other words, could you do what you did before knowing what you know now with our relationship? No, it would be completely different. I mean we all evolve as people yeah in Relationships as well. That's what you you hope to to become better versions of yourself within a relationship Yeah, but what well what I'm really going getting at is would you have accepted the men that you dated previously knowing what you know now Especially what you know about love, excuse me. Well, no because I know myself more Mmm. Talk about that. You know yourself more. I know myself more. I know what I I know what I What I want and I accepted some things that I just that just weren't right for me One of the things I talk about frequently in my private coaching is women say they know what they want You hear my calls so you hear me say they all seem to know what they want But then they go through this proprietary coaching program I created and every single time they say the same thing. I didn't know what I wanted My point is now that you've experienced this Isn't it kind of different going if you had to if our relationship ended how you would view love going forward? I yeah, it would be different. Yeah, of course, but but I don't I don't think that You know because I've evolved as a person. That's why I think it would be different, okay You know, I I just I don't put up with nonsense And I didn't I I did for a long time. Okay, so yeah, okay So we're talking about seven undeniable signs. A guy is in love with you You have not been privy to what I've shared. I do this all the time I I come up with content and then I kind of spring it on you So we're gonna go I do want people to know that that because that's why sometimes I stumble because I don't I don't know What he's gonna ask me You feel like a deer in the head like some types of my pride. Okay, so I Want to share this because what I've outlined is not it's to some degree universal Because as I'm experiencing our relationship and how I show up as a man in relationship I'm recognizing that as I look through other Relationships that I admire they all seem to have these same Qualities these same experiences. So for you ladies out there I'm really trying to give you insight is if you're currently in a relationship with someone and You don't feel like you're being loved. You don't feel like you're a priority You don't feel like there's a real foundation being built One of the fundamental principles for a relationship is for two people to build a foundation and more importantly Commit to that foundation that they built together absolutely, okay, so Yes, and a lot of people are in casual relationships because of Kind of what I'm about to share today So I want to put on my glasses my trusty glasses as someone commented earlier And I know some of you go I should wear my glasses all the time, but I'm still trying to get used to it So number one when a man a man who actually Decides he wants commitment and partnership before he ever begins dating that's the first thing he does before he ever meets you is he knows he has a vision of Commitment and partnership and how the how you know He's in love with you is he talks about his vision and partnership and he's looking to see if you share that same vision So let's talk about our relationship when when we began exploring a relationship together I said well first off because we had distance involved I said first and foremost if this relationship is going to work we have to be in the same city for it to work Correct, and then I began sharing my vision of what a relationship would look like And you agreed with me I well I agreed and I had no problem moving here as I said before I have two grown children that live here and and I have two grown children that live in Chicago And so I was done with Chicago winters So I was looking to move someplace warm anyway, and was that why you It made more sense coming in here when we met because I You know I have two children here, but it's not just where we live our shared vision also is Part of it is living environment part of our shared vision is how we view partnership and relationship how we view teamwork in relationship We really unpacked our lifestyles to really determine is this a relationship that has legs Versus you know how many people say what they say I need to take it slow You know and they need to take it slow after they've said I'm looking for a relationship Well, you know at this point in my life. I didn't want to take things really slow I wanted to get down to you know what what the substance of the relationship would be like and And and that's when I knew those were the right people for me so building a foundation a vision of the future and and I want to add this is That strong desire for Kipman and in partnership. I believe when a man is genuinely in love He already has that in the back of his mind, and he's looking for someone who shares that correct, okay number two He's intentional during the dating process and what that means is he he's making time for you He he plans opportunities for you to get together with one another. I mean in our relationship I was pretty intelligent about After I left Chicago. I'm like I want to see you right away, and we made plans. We shared airfare I mean we saw well I was already coming. Oh, you were coming here for the first time the next time I said I'll pick up the airfare I was intentional about wanting to see you and I think a lot of men When they're not actually feeling, you know, I Think most guys know very quickly if they're in beyond the I know I'm doing a squirrel Beyond the love bombers and those guys are looking to get laid when a guy genuinely knows he wants you He's gonna pursue you. I mean you felt pursued by me, right? Yeah, and you you could tell I was intentional and I was continually making time For us to meet and spend time together bottom line. There was no game playing. There was no games It was this is you know, let's see. I'm gonna be out there I'll come see you and let's see how things go so we both made time for each other We were both intentional so it wasn't just a one-way street. It was a two-way street here. Okay three Once you've committed to exploring a relationship together He progresses the relationship forward and what I mean to say and this is piggybacks a little bit about the dating It was interesting. I was watching we were both watching a Jay Shetty video or Yeah, Jay Shetty is someone we both admire and I was watching a video He did on the women of impact and he talked about it takes 40 hours To get to know someone 40 hours of face-to-face time Okay, roughly about 40 just to get to know someone at a base level now my videos I always say it takes about a hundred hours to build the first layer of trust and Jay Shetty says that it takes about two out 200 hours of face-to-face time to truly develop a good friendship with someone. Okay, so With that in mind there's two types There's three types of men out there actively dating I call them the users the spenders and the growers the users the spend users You probably are not familiar this part of my content. Okay, here. I even have a I even have a I have a chart I'll show everyone here User spenders and growers sorry for the lighting and the glare users They seek short-term gain love bombers players gold diggers entitled selfish people only caring about their own needs Spenders they seek companionship connection and sex no direction Uncertain fearful usually have a dysfunctional life and the growers and builders they seek long-term commitment They're emotional grown-ups and good with good relationship skills, and they have their act together. So a Grower Wants to progress the relationship forward in other words a person who wants partnership He wants to grow with someone he progresses the relationship for it a Spender and what I mean by spender is they're spending time with you Spenders they just want companionship connection and sex without any real commitment orientation You've experienced spenders before I have well I was thinking of to some degree the last guy He was a spender. He wasn't he wasn't progressing the relationship forward He wanted your companionship your connection, but he wasn't progressing the relationship forward, okay? Yeah, so a guy who genuinely cares about who genuinely wants to make an investment when you he's progressing the relationship forward He's not saying let's take it slow. He's not in the dating process saying let's take it slow He wants to forge a committed relationship with you you know commitment these days For most people dating is rather casual if they agree to monogamy and exclusivity and what that means is No sex with others. We won't be on the dating apps, but that's about as far as the commitment goes Like there's more to commitment than just those two things Well, but even some are still in the dating apps. Oh, you mean while they're in relationship with you. Well, if Is it a relationship? I mean there I I know men that Have been dating women and are still on the dating apps because there might be something else So so swipe away so some people use the word relationship But it's very vague as to what it means and a lot of times relationship these days are casual. They're not committed Okay, let's keep going here. Number four He's vulnerable with you emotionally He's vulnerable with you emotionally now To me the real juice of a relationship is connecting at an emotional level Okay, so he's vulnerable with you at an emotional level because You know the number one complaint with actually the most common reason for divorce centers around sex and Emotional intimacy a lack of that and the lack of emotional connection when a man genuinely loves you He opens up to you emotionally Does that feel true? Yes, I'm talking about our relationship. No. Yes, that that feels true because you know what when Amanda doesn't open up to you Emotionally for me. It just made me feel It just it I didn't you feel right I didn't feel safe I didn't feel And you know like a lot of us that stay in relationships You say you won't stay for the children, but you say because yeah It it would really disrupt a lot of people's lives. Yeah, but now in midlife now at this point. Yeah It's a different game when you raise your children. They're out of the house or Yeah, you want something more than just somebody who pays the bills You want someone to genuinely connect with you on an emotional level to play with you I want to spend time with you. Oh, you feel like I want to spend time with you. Oh my god I can't get rid of you. Oh Thanks a lot for that All right number five He invites you into his life Family friends hobbies and interests. He invites you in those life I think that's a great sign that someone genuinely cares about you That's into you when they actually invite you into your life But that's not always a guarantee in and of itself, but certainly men that do that Are demonstrating an interest more so than someone that's like hey, I'll see you at my back and call Yeah, if you're getting invited to a barbecue at a friend's house said that that is really With you get to meet his friends That's important those things are important because you want to know the people that he hangs out with You know, you know, you want to get to know family. Maybe not meet the parents right away But at least, you know, feel like you're being included. Well, like for most of us in midlife Most of us have parents who are gone So in our particular case one of the things we did was I I think I met your daughter first And then you met or actually you met my son first. I then met your daughter with my son Right. Okay. I remember we met with Anna and then I know but we were meeting my cousin Oh, we're meeting your cousin that was in from Amsterdam. So you invited me in your life I'm inviting my son into our lives because one of the strong roots in a relationship is Is melding your families together now that can be really challenging for people who have difficult children difficult siblings difficult aunts, you know, we've talked about the difficult people on either one of our side and yet ultimately It's our family connection that helps create a strong root to our the foundation of a relationship And when someone loves you they want to have that in your life It does help that he has a great son. Oh, thank you. We see him regularly. All right, number six He asks for your help in his professional life and he does the same for you Here I am Here's Marie helping me out my professional life I think when but we were talking about a previous relationship you had where you know He was throwing a dinner party and he asked you to really get the place fixed up for him I mean, he's asking you to really be a participant right in his professional life and so When a man and he's also doing the same for you whatever and it's not just your professional life It's also other areas of your life like whether it was helping with health insurance or putting up the tv They're an active participant in helping you with their life But you're also an active participant and helping in their life and particularly if it's professional That's a great sign. He has a great deal respect for you like I I didn't do this cavalier Lee asking you to be on this on the channel I did it because I know you'd bring value to everybody And how many times did I say no you said no for about five months straight before you said yes so and for those of you wondering No, I will not have my own channel And everyone's asking if you'd have a channel where you do makeup tips and such Okay, number seven now we're gonna wrap up and take questions in a moment He says I love you Now I'm gonna put a caveat with that because I have a little phrase I say with what I love you means because when a man genuinely Is undeniable signs. He's in love with you. Not only does he say I love you, but what I love you represents So so you can see what my notes are It says here I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you and what that means is I'm here means when he loves you. He's present to the relationship You feel like I'm present to our relationship Do you feel like you're present? I know you are but even when the wires are going off in your head. You're present Okay, I'm here you matter and a man genuinely loves you. He's saying you matter to him You're you're a part of his life. I your interests your best interests are my best interests Number three we are important. Let's do the little heart sign. We are important What that means is is that I don't do it that well We are important what that means is a relationship is a separate entity There's a you there's a me but there's a we and treating the we sacred Honoring the we honoring the commitment in the relationship number four. I've got your back It's actually one of the I I was thinking about the movie blind side And there's a scene where he says I've got your back. I think that was the movie um I love that idea that's saying I'm got your back Your best interests are my best interests. I'm there for you when you need me I mean does that feel true with us with us? It feels true. Okay, but have you felt that before in in I had a long marriage that It it was good in many ways, but you know, I was young when I married So I didn't know what was expected of me as a wife or what to expect it from him as a husband But he he didn't know either and no, I I felt that That it was him first And then the kids even though he said I loved you you didn't feel like he had your back No, okay. No. All right next um I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back and I only want you What that means is I only want to have sex with you. I don't want to be out thinking about others. I'm not You know, I don't mean an art. Well, I do mean in our relationship, but I want you meant means I passionately want you in my life Does that feel true? It feels okay. So when a man says I love you, that's how it should feel I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. Oh, I'm not going anywhere I'm not going anywhere and I only want you I'm not going anywhere means I'm fully committed to this relationship And that's how the words I love you should feel So when you hear the words from me, is it is that what it feels like? Yeah, for us it absolutely You know, it's funny because the way I my mind works is as you're talking My wires start You know going into the file cabinet to my life and it's like oh, yeah, and this situation that wasn't it Didn't work that way By the way, we talked frequently about the wires in her brain, which are all scattered, right? No disrespect to you But it happens to be one of the fun things we have in our relationship We talk about her wires and believe me. I've got plenty of foibles that I have in our relationship I have my I don't want to say flaws but foibles So we both accept each other in that capacity, which I think I'm truly grateful That we have a relationship. We built the foundation It's built on commitment and love is demonstrated in the ways. I just shared with y'all. So those What are you gonna say? We laugh a lot I should put that in the category as well. We laugh a lot our little kids come out frequently All right, those are the seven undeniable signs. He's in love with you I think this would be a great place to take questions right now So for those that know the format here if you have a question write the word question in the chat box Then post your question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley Right there. He's my son who passed away almost five years ago now. Fuck. I can't believe it's been that long And his honor we've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the hoffman process and insight institute Just to name a few so I saw that we had a question earlier I want to see if I can find it Bump bump bump. There's a conversation going on with someone named. Okay robin wrote question What advice do you have for a single mothers with young children in the dating world? I feel like anyone I talked to on dating app just wants a friends with benefits Hmm Do you want to tackle that one or? You know, I I didn't date until my kids were We're out of my house. So I don't have a whole lot to say there. Yeah No, I just So I don't believe that being a single mother should preclude you from putting yourself out there I know when I was first dating I actually Thought I should date single mothers because they're battle scarred just like me In other words gone through the divorce and we had something in common What I didn't realize was I wasn't in a good place to be in relationship And so if a man isn't in a good place to be in a relationship. It's very difficult for him to take on um And I say the word take on that take on the emotional and physical Responsibility of a relationship with someone who's raising children. Now. What's interesting is you have a son I was just gonna say I know your brain and how it works So talk about that you have a son who my I have a son that married someone that had a child She was previously married and when he came to me initially He he said because I I had met her and I'm like, oh my god, she's great and and he's like, yeah, but there's a problem She has kids or she has a son and I'm like Okay, so what's the problem? The problem the problem as I saw it was You can't get involved with this this child unless this is a relationship that is going to be a serious relationship So you're the one that needs to think about it because breaking up with another woman is no big deal But you know being in a child's life and then yeah then leaving that would be difficult And they're happily married and expecting now their third child Yeah, their second child together because they're her daughter her son is basically But he's the dad because the dad chose not to be a part of his life So so coming back to single mothers. I I want to say this Um, there's obviously more you have to be aware of as in the case of your daughter-in-law She was very protective of her son and she only said look I'm not going forward in this relationship if you're not fully committed Because my son will get attached to you So that's some of the things you have to consider also as I said before I think In in my case I was in my 40s. I had small children The ground underneath me wasn't solid So there's no way I could take on the emotional and physical responsibility of a relationship Yeah So be very mindful is the guy in a good place in his life because if he's not you don't want to involve him in your life Because your life comes with children and most likely his will too So it's really important to vet the person. By the way, right there There's a link right there to schedule a discovery call with me My whole job as a coach is teach you how to vet for his the compatibility in your relationship So, you know what and I I do think that there are plenty of men out there because most people that are divorced Um, we'll have children and then that it's only going to add another dynamic to the dating Well, you were in a significant relationship after your divorce with someone who had younger being Younger children years were still you had still like one or two teenagers So it's not impossible. It just means you have to be more mindful and that's the way I look at it So thank you so much for that question All right, brook writes question Do you have any recommendations for keeping connections in a long distance relationship? Do you want to answer that one? No, you're very good at that Well, I'm very opinionated with long distance relationship here folks. I'm going to be candid with you Unless there is a serious plan to shorten the distance long distance dating Is oftentimes long distance booty calls I'm sorry. That's my blunt way of saying. I'm not saying it's all cases, but in most cases Okay, unless You've already met you've already established a relationship and then there's distance I think there It takes a lot of work, but it can it can work Yeah, but there has to be a real plan of shortening the distance and that has to be discussed Very early on because Investing months. I I know some people have invested six months In a long it never met the person years You never met the person thinking they're in a long distance relationship First off, it's not real until you meet and it's not really real until you have a plan to shorten the distance Otherwise, it's it's a cyber relationship most often. What was that term we just saw what Textation Text text text station ship. Yeah, it's a text station ship a lot of long distance relationships are that so Anyway, let's take on the next one let's see Ah How does a man avoid conflict like you or just want to keep you around Now what does a man who avoids conflict like you? Or just wants to keep you around Like you or I'm like, I'm not really understanding that one. So there's a man who avoids conflict like you Or just wants to keep you around. Oh You want to tackle that one Well, somebody that's avoiding conflict is is bottling it up at some somehow and that's not a healthy Way to start a relationship one of the fundamental principles that john gotman talks about and I've talked about this book frequently Excuse me everyone while I grab it In the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman Chapter two is it I believe chapter two Is all centered around the importance of learning Agree to disagree addressing conflicts that's chapter two everyone you can see that right there right there Okay Listen one the point of this book is to talk about the things That are going to trip up your relationship That typically trips up most relationships and addressing conflict is one of the key fundamentals. You know We've been fortunate. I was bringing this up earlier. We haven't had a big fight since we've been together No, because I'm always right And that's true Every once in a while I do get something right or we said what was it accurate? What did we say on the cruise ship? It's accurate. Oh That oh, you know, it's no it's not being right as the man says oh, she's accurate She said I said I said what you're saying is that she's right So um, but I think the reason being is we address the little things right up front I mean every little thing that's popped up We had we bring it out if it's something that triggers us that's something that Makes us feel uneasy. We bring that up. We don't bottle it up. So we don't have any big things that come up We haven't had anything major because we address the minor things right when they happen So that's at least the way we handled and we learned to put the toilet seat down Oh my god Did you fall in like a couple months ago? No, I'm just kidding. Thank you for that question happy and I appreciate Kathy writes question Do you think that the way women are sexualized and objectified in society spills over To the mentality of men on dating apps or are they just seeing are they just seeing us as a purchase? You want to address that No, I have some thoughts go ahead. I want to move that that Orange thing though for in a second. So I do believe there's a significant amount of objectification for women both um In advertising and in social media in particular That causes men to devalue women More so than ever before and I think what's contributed to that is pornography You know when I was growing up it was like oh, I had a playboy, you know underneath the sink at home You know now with the amount of pornography out there. I think there's a desensitization To men towards women and there is certainly an objectification of women Through our advertising mediums more so in the past than I've noticed lately like the super bowl commercials. I didn't see anything um I think dating apps trigger a Kind of a disposable way of looking at people like in other words You swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe and you you don't look at a person Other than is there an immediate connection? And if not you swipe I think the dating apps the swipe apps have bastardized the dating process Okay, I you know, I don't look at women's profiles, but some of my guy friends have shown me I think a lot of what happens in in dating apps is that there are a lot of women that are objectifying themselves Good point. Good point Some of the Good friend of mine. He oh my god. Look at this girl. She's so hot and I'm like, well, what club does she work at? Looks like a stripper Well, and I would see women's profiles and this is not a reflection of all women But I've seen women's profiles where I saw their profile and I thought to myself They're what I call low hanging fruit what I mean is they weren't the top of the tree They weren't demonstrating a level of elegance or class they were demonstrating My body is my worth and so and but yet in their profile They're saying I seek a serious relationship, but their boobs are hanging out in their profile Now I'm really and I don't want to pick on those women per se Because what I really want to address is I believe the dating apps have bastardized it for both men and women there's an objectification of women Physically speaking and to some degree there's next the objectification from men from a financial or socialization So throughout history men have been valued by their wealth and their status women based on their looks and I think the internet has just amplified what's already been out there throughout time Anyway, that's my thoughts on that one. All right. Thank you Kathy for that question. I really appreciate it The dating apps Well, we're off it now Question is it possible for a guy to rise up? He was emotionally vulnerable, but his his the ground underneath him wasn't stable Professor financial professor. I'm assuming professor professional financial took care of his mom. I met him at home hoping But let him go on match now You know There's the difference between somebody who is Situationally struggling versus a it's a habitual part Struggling, you know, I after my divorce. I was in a state of habitual struggle. It wasn't situational I was a train wreck You know the ground underneath me wasn't solid now fast forward to um My business grew I began when I started this business it grew I was very successful and then the year my son passed away. I didn't feel like working For about a year. Okay, that was situational It wasn't the it wasn't the ground underneath me didn't feel solid I just didn't feel like working for a period of time, but there's an understandable reason So my point is you have to look at it. Is he in a state? Of trauma and crisis. Is it habitual or is it situational? That's my way to look at that I know I'm the guy that talks about this all day long. So you're probably used to hearing me say things like this. Anyway, uh Meaning you didn't have a lot to contribute on that one and I didn't mean to disrespect you if I did um Nicole writes Do you think that a younger man and older women marriage could work with a 20-year age difference? You want to tackle that one? Well, I look I don't know but I do know of someone that did marry a guy that was much younger than her um, and he helped her raise her kids and It was unfortunate that um, and initially she dismissed him because he was so much younger and Unfortunately, he passed away young Cancer. Oh, and but she he helped her raise her kids and they were insanely happy So I have a couple thoughts on this all I know I have several friends who are in relationship with women that are somewhere between 17 and 22 years old of them them So I know it's possible I will say on a different note Younger men are habitually going after older women Why? Because older women are less of a pain in the ass than women their own age That's the way male out of men look at a 20 a 29 year old man will look look at women his own age going That's a pain in the ass. I'd rather date a 40 year old woman a because she's more confident. She's more secure She's more sexual She's less likely to have children And I have an easy exit clause when I want to end the relationship and that is I decide I want kids So be careful of the men who chase who habitually chase young older women Because in many cases they have a built-in exit clause I want to start a family so That from that perspective now if you're talking about a 45 year old man with a 65 year old woman That's a little different story, but certainly someone in his 20s and 30s I would be very mindful that that his could be as escape clause Well, when I was on the dating apps, I got hit on a lot Oh, I bet you did my younger younger guys and they're mature and they're all this and and I I just didn't go there and a lot of older women I don't mean that you're an older woman, but I'm saying older than these men They're like, oh, I just want a young fling for a while. So they'll accept that. Yeah No, but I was really seeking a relationship. So I just wasn't gonna go there So you really have to evaluate the person is again, this is part of what I teach in my private coaching Is he really compatible with you? But more importantly Is he an emotional grown-up to be in relationship? Not just that if he's 20 years younger. Come on when when he's 30 40 and the person is 60 70. I mean, that's not Well, but how's that different when a man is 60 and he's dating a 30 year old? But but I don't think that is it a double standard is a double standard. Well, so so you think it's okay I'm not I know. I'm not saying either one is okay Yeah, I mean to each his own but I wouldn't want to go there because You know somebody that's that much younger. Are they still going to be attracted to me when I'm In my 70s, you know Whereas a lot of time those younger women are going after those older men for status and wealth Not necessarily from a physical perspective. I mean, I'm not I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying generally speaking. So all right. We know your take on that one Uh, let's see Trista writes question At what stage in time would you recommend one person move move to the other in a long distance relationship? But we did ours rather quickly um You know, it's interesting we Marie has got me hooked on some reality tv shows one in particular It was actually I found married at first sight, but we watched love is blind Why I'm bringing this up is this is a dynamic where two people who barely know each other Connect get engaged or get married and married at first sight and then they live together To see if they're compatible with one another I'm not so certain that that isn't the way things should be in other words cut to the chase sooner rather than later Now is that realistic? No, could that be a catastrophe? Absolutely? Yes, because most everybody is a stranger we meet and yet The best way to get to know someone is to spend a lot of time together face to face And I don't mean the bubble like when you get together on a long distance relationship Where you spend a weekend together and don't see or spend a week together and don't see each other for a month I know I'm talking about for a long period of time spending a lot of time together So if your lifestyles aren't conducive to that You got to ask yourself Somebody's got to move for this to relationship to work and you better have that conversation Very early on before the penis ever goes inside the vagina I know you don't like hearing me say that Well, I'm making a point, you know before you get physically involved with someone have these tough conversations Just we had tough conversations before we explored this relationship together Yes, we did but Not everybody has Has the I understand that everybody has the resources to be able to do the back and forth For a while, but you if you don't spend a lot of time together how you're gonna know exactly someone that you want to Be with And by the way, he always makes reference to all these reality shows that he says that I got him into It makes it sound like all we do is watch That day and night and that's not the case We only watch stuff like right before going to bed. We watch these things So I just want to and we watched Gaia last night. We got into ancient civilizations Spirituality and that sort of thing. So I'm not a total loser. I'm not totally in All reality tv show, but I do get addicted to him from my professional life. It's research for me. Yeah, yeah, okay All right, let's keep going Brooke writes question I told him that I'm willing to compromise and met him halfway not going anywhere Not sure how to handle it. I live in Maryland. He lives in new york. He's not sure about relocating Again, what's the point? What's you know it? What's the point of dating? If it's not going to go the distance Like what's the point other than well, I just want to have a good time You know like, okay, everybody can have a good time with one another But how many people are you going to have a good time with until you say I want a serious relationship? And I won't settle for anything but that and I this is a rant for me But not but and in this particular case if if he's not willing to relocate And if you're not willing to make a shift and what's the point of doing this together Any thoughts Well, I relocated for a relationship and me Well a previous one as well because it was easier for me to relocate But because of his job there was no way he he could You know, I don't know the situation but if it's his job that he needs to stay where he's at then you have to You have to think about that too so if if it's already a power struggle before you guys are even together then And that's going to be a problem. Yeah, because there's going to be more of those power struggles So then have those serious conversations sooner rather than later And again, it takes face-to-face time to build a relationship. You can't do it over the phone You can't it isn't real until you're doing it face-to-face. So All right. Thanks for your question brook. Melissa writes question I've been in a committed relationship for over a year. He shows me he loves me but Hasn't said it. I asked him if he loves me and he said yes, but doesn't say it Oh, what do you think about that when I when when a woman says do you love me and he says yes versus Saying I love you. I You know, I wouldn't ask that So I don't I wouldn't ask somebody. Okay. So if you love someone and you're with them for a year Wouldn't you want to hear the words? I would The actions are just as important, but I it would be nice to hear it Some people weren't raised saying I love you and they have a hard time I don't like that. But when a man loves you, he should express it Yeah, I mean, it's not that hard, you know, look at I I'm not I don't want to give people a pass here You know people joke, you know about I always say Might when people say I can't call you right my phone pocket dials three times a day So when people say I can't call you then that's bullshit because we all can make time for someone When you've spent a year with them The thing is folks if you're not exploring a relationship that leads to living together Moving in together or getting married if there isn't real dialogue Then what are you doing? You're just spending remember I talked about spenders earlier It's companionship. It's connection and sex without commitment and without commitment Which includes saying the words I love you if you want a romantic relationship Then what's the fucking point and I know I'm getting agitated So what's wrong with say her saying, you know, I really need you to express that to me That's one of something that I'd really like to hear because I I don't like having to ask you if you love me and I know you show it in many ways But I would really love to hear it Well said I want to give you your props on that one exactly So there's nothing wrong with asking for what you want. Here's my point of going on my rant You've been together a year if you're not progressing it forward then really ask yourself Why are we doing this relationship? And if it doesn't incorporate love and that's what this title of this video was all about Then ask yourself. Is this really the person you want to commit to so again take marie suggestion How did you say it again? Ask him Say you need that's something that you would like to hear. Yeah, and then see what happens Let us know melissa how it goes Um Let's see Bump bump bump bump bump. Do we have a if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after We got a lot of conversation going our warren says question I've been seeing a guy whom is extra who is extremely nice and checks a lot of boxes He talks about long-term plans. It seems seems so soon. Should I should I be concerned? We've met three times well So I have a thought here men do what I call trying it on for size We we want to see how you fit in our lives. So we talk about we futurize Because we're trying you on for size. I don't think that's anything wrong For a guy to do it now if he's love bombing you if it's excessive as if it's pushing for sex If it's if it's pushy If a guy was being pushy you'd know it, right? Yes, okay. How how would it feel if someone is pushy? It it feels like he's not respecting my boundaries. Okay in our relationship after you came to visit me I was very serious and demonstrative about pushing moving this relationship forward. Did it feel pushy? No, okay. It was my decision to come So but my point is it didn't if it feels pushy that if it feels off it usually is Does that feel true? Yes. Okay All right. I hope that helped our warren. Thank you so much. We're going to take one more question Then we're going to wrap up for the evening. Let's keep swimming here What would you even Trying to find a question a lot of comments Okay Let's see All right Here's one from one of our group members at midlife love mastery by the way There's a link below to learn about my private group. So question Why do women why do men 15 to 20 years younger than me flirt with me in person? They They are they looking for sex or a committed relationship? I always politely avoid them because I don't know what they want from me Well, traditionally speaking when a much younger man is flirting with an older woman most of the time It's probably sexually or I mean it's there's probably a sexual desire from that man When younger guys hit on you was that the vibe you got maybe that mommy issues That's sometimes the case women who have daddy issues go for much older men women of mommy mommy issues Do the same? I do believe most of the time not always This is generalized here Men who seek the attention of older women are doing it for the short run from a sexual perspective But that's not always the case. This is why you have to be radically honest and ask serious questions Early stage of dating before you give your heart to someone again. That's what I teach in my coaching. So It wasn't like for me it was an eagle boost Okay, you get you know 34 year old doctor hitting on me It's like wow. Yeah, but you look 34 No, but it but it I you know would If they sent really nice messages, I would politely write back. Thank you I'm not interested in someone that's younger because I'm looking for a relationship Didn't you say you got hit on by a guy who lied about his age? He went a lot older Tell me I talk about that. There was a guy that he said he was 51 And then when we met he told me he was 38 And you were in your 50s at the time. I was I was in my mid 50s and Yeah, that was weird too because I always thought people lied down Well for younger guys wanting older women, that's one thing to be careful about that You know what? I a lot of times I think they're also targeting women that they think are wealthy Then that might they want to be What's the opposite of a sugar baby? Uh a cap man What's it called? There's a name for it. I can't think of it. Uh, but anyway So they want a sugar momma sugar momma. Yeah, it's a sugar momma. Yeah, exactly All right. Uh, I hope we answer your question folks I think this would be a great place to wrap up today We talked about the seven undeniable signs a man is truly in love with you I hope you found value in that hope you found value in our q and a with both marie and I I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you if you have something if you like this video Please hit the like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel And share this with your friends as well Um, I want to thank you sweetheart for being part of my team and helping out I think everybody appreciates you so I want to thank you for that And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first giving you a big gigantic jot than bear hug Uh, and you're giving me back. Oh, thank you everyone. Thank you so much wishing you a fabulous evening. Bye now. Bye. Bye now