 J-E-L-L-O! The Jello Program, coming to you from Hollywood, California, stopping Jack Benny, with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Denton Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with I See the Moon at Noon. You know, ladies and gentlemen, along about this time each year, folks seem to appreciate a lovely Jello dessert, even more than usual. More Jello, with its vivid shimmering colors, seems almost like a preview of spring. Its glowing beauty makes you forget that winter is still with us. It adds a special note of gaiety and good cheer to any March meal, and the refreshing extra-rich flavor of Jello gives you a welcome foretaste of next summer's fruits, with all their tantalizing, juicy, ripe goodness. So brighten up tomorrow night's dinner with a brilliant Jello dessert. Order several packages from your grosser the first thing in the morning. Choosing any or all of Jello's six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, or lime, and be especially sure to include strawberry, raspberry, and cherry Jello, for each has a new improved flavor, obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And the result is something mighty swell, a unique and delightful flavor that you'll find better than ever. Enjoy attempting Jello dessert tomorrow. As I See the Moon at Noon played by the orchestra, and now, ladies and gentlemen, after a month's vacation in Palm Springs, we bring you a man who looks a month younger, as if that made any difference, Jack Benny! Thank you. Jello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and, Don, I may only look a month younger, but believe me, I feel like a kid. If there was anything I needed, it was those four weeks on the desert. Roughing it really did me a world of good. Roughing it? Well, I wouldn't exactly say that you were leading such a rough life there, Jack. Oh, you wouldn't, eh? No, I saw you out many a night in Palm Springs, and you were wearing a tuxedo. Yes, but it wasn't pressed. And if you had to look close, you'd have noticed that carnation in my buttonhole was a cactus blossom. And full of stickers. Don't tell me I didn't rough it while I'm as hard as nails. Well, you feel pretty rugged now, huh, Jack? No, I don't. You remember how soft and flabby my arms used to be? Uh-huh. Well, wait till I roll up my sleeve. I'll make a muscle for you. Wait. Oh, Jack, you don't have to bother. I'll take your word for it. Oh, Don, you know what a liar I am. No, no, I want to show you. Now what? I'll raise my arm. There. How's that, Don? How's that muscle? Where? I don't see it. Right there on that tattoo. See how fat the eagle is now? See? Eagle? I thought that was a sparrow. With E. fluribus unum on it? What are you talking about? I tell you, Don, I feel so good I like to get in a scrap with someone. Wait till Dennis Day comes in. I'll straighten him out fast. He'll ever know what hit him. Jack, Jack, wait a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy, nothing. I've got a muscle and I'm going to use it. That kid has got to learn how to behave himself. But, Jack, you're being unfair. Ever since Dennis has been on this program, he's been a perfect little gentleman. Well-behaved and well-mannered. Well-mannered? Let me tell you something, Don. Last Monday, when I gave Dennis his salary check, he looked me straight in the eye and said thank you very much. Well, what's wrong with that? Don, with the check he gets, that very much is pure sarcasm. It takes that kid to thank me. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. What are you doing with your fist up in the air? I made a muscle for Don. I can't get my arm down. See? See the muscle? Where? Right there. Some muscle. Looks like a marshmallow with a hangover. The hardest marshmallow you ever saw. Boy, there's a real muscle. What are you going to do? Stand there like a baking soda ad? No, help me get my arm down. Here, pull. Oh, well, the eagle's a sparrow again. But just the same way that Dennis gets here. I'll fix that kid. What about Dennis? I'm going to beat him up, that's all. He's been acting too fresh around here lately, and it's time I straighten him out. Straighten him out? Why don't you do something about Phil Harris? He's the wise guy. Mary, Phil is nothing but a big playful kid. But Dennis is a real troublemaker. And he's smaller than you are. That's merely a coincidence. Let me ask something, Mary. How about when we were driving back from Palm Springs in the Maxwell? All that kid did was complain, complain all the way in. Well, who wouldn't complain? It's a three-hour trip, and it took us four days to make it. Well... Four days from Palm Springs to Los Angeles? Well, it's only 120 miles. 129. We came by way of San Bernardino. Besides, we stopped to enjoy the scenery. It was lovely down with those snow-capped mountains and beautiful orange groves. Oh, you and your orange groves. That's all we had for four days, orange juice. Never mind. The sign got him. All you can drink for ten cents. Now, wait a minute, Mary. Wait a minute. Don't give Don any false impressions. There was food, too. What about that delicious pressed chicken we had? It had to be pressed. You ran over it. All right. I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. An accident? Yes. Then why did Rochester yell tally-ho and chase it clear through a cornfield? That never happened, and you know it. It would have been a very pleasant trip if you and Dennis hadn't been beefing all the time. I'll fix that, kid. By the way, Don, how did you come back to town? Well, the little woman and I took the train. It was a very nice, restful trip. Oh, the train is swell, Don, but I prefer motoring myself. I don't know, you see more of the country that way. But, Jack, even allowing for sightseeing, I can't understand why it took you four days to come from Palm Springs to Los Angeles. Oh, four days isn't so bad. That's progress. It used to take the covered wagon six. And they didn't come by way of San Bernardino like I did. Anyway, Mary, you had a swell time in Palm Springs. You're back in Hollywood safe and sound, so forget it. Hello, everybody. Oh, here he is. All right, kid. Put him up. Put him up. You've been aching for trouble, and you're going to get it. What's going on here? It's a long story. Jack found a muscle. It's not it at all. Come on, kid, up with your dues. I'll teach you to be careful. Well, gee, I didn't mean to run over that tin can with the lawnmower. That's not what I'm talking about. A small fine covers that. I just don't want you to go around complaining about your trip home from Palm Springs. I was nice enough to invite you. Gosh, I drank so much orange juice, I feel like a sunset. Now, let me tell you something, Dennis. Orange juice is not only nourishing, but it's very good for you. It'll keep you from catching a cold. I won't sneeze till 1980. Well, that doesn't. All right, Dennis. Put up your dues. Oh, Jack, will you stop being so childish? You're just picking on Dennis because he's the smallest one in our gang. Mary's right. It's not like you, Jack, to be a bully. Why, in your physical condition, you could mangle a kid. I could. Certainly, you're a gorilla. You don't realize your own strength. I don't? Well... No. The least you can do is apologize to Dennis. Well, all right. You don't have to, Mr. Benny. I'm a rat, and that's all there is to it. No. No, you're not a rat, kid. Well, one of us is. Look, Dennis, you better sing your song before I lose my temper again. I don't know my own strength, like Don says. Now, what's it gonna be? I'm gonna sing in Dublin's Fair City. Good, good. Oh, Mary. What do you want? Help me get my arm down. Okay. Thanks, Mary. Sing, kid. Dublin's Fair City, where girls are so pretty I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone As she wheeled her wheelbarrow Through streets fraught and narrow Crying cockles and mussels alive, alive, oh Alive, alive, oh, alive, alive, oh Cockles and mussels alive, alive, oh They wheelbarrow through streets fraught and narrow Cockles and mussels alive, alive, oh Alive, alive, oh, alive, oh Cockles and mussels alive, alive, oh And that was the end. Dublin's Fair City sung by Dennis A. And very apropos, Dennis. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, isn't it? Sure it is. Yes, sir. You tell me to put up my duke tomorrow and I'll knock your block off. I'm not going to bother putting my arm up again. So control yourself. Oh, Jack. What is it, Don? Tomorrow being St. Patrick's Day, I have a great treat for our audience tonight. A treat? Yes, I've prepared my commercial this evening with a Gaelic slant. I'm going to deliver it with an Irish brogue. I do it very well. No kidding. Well, that really is a treat, Don. Any novelties always welcome on this program. You say you do it with an Irish brogue, eh? Yes. Well, well, now go ahead, let's hear it. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you go to your neighborhood grocer, why not ask him for a package of tempting and appetizing jello? Hmm. It is not only economical and easy to make. Where's the brogue? But comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Don, where's the brogue? So always insist on genuine jello and look for the big red letters on the box. Be gone! Ah! You did that beautifully, Don. Oh, that's a marvelous brogue. How did you ever acquire it? Oh, I do several dialects, Jack. Would you like to hear me read the same commercial as the Swede would do it? Don, if you think I'm going to listen to that whole thing again, just to hear you say yump and yemeny at the end of it, you'll pay for that. Now go away. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. You back in town already? Yeah, I got in last night. But you know, I don't know, I wish we could have stayed in Palm Springs a couple of more weeks. It is wonderful there. Well, personally, I'm glad to be back in the city. What's the matter, Phil, don't you like the desert? No, that fresh air gets under my eyes and puffs them up. And I can't stand that hot sun beaten down on my head. Well, why don't you wear a hat? Look, Jackson, I got gorgeous hair and it would be sheer madness to hide it. Well, that's the most conceited thing I ever heard. You know, Phil, I could have gorgeous hair, too, if I got it marcelled every week like you do. Well, why don't you? Well, maybe I will. You can get a marcelle soaked in a coconut. What? What did you say? Did I put my dukes up, Mr. Benny? Not this time, kid. This is strictly between Miss Livingston and me. You want to step out in the alley? Oh, quiet. We're talking to Phil about Palm Springs. Now, how long did it... Mary, put your dukes down. Phil, how long did it take you to drive back? Well, with all the traffic and everything, about an hour and 45 minutes. Only an hour and 45 minutes? Yes, and I stopped for a rumble lesson in Pomona. Well, I'll be darned an hour and 45 minutes. That's what I can't understand, Jack. Why in the world it should take you four days to drive that distance? Well, we had a lot of tough breaks, Don, and hard luck all the way. I'll say, just as we were pulling into Beaumont, all the tires blew out. Yeah. All four of them? All four in the spare. They've got a union. Wait a minute, you're wrong, Mary. We had that tire trouble in Banning. Beaumont is where we ran out of gas. We ran out of gas in Azusa. No, Mary, I think it was Arcadia. Yeah, yeah, we ran out of gas in Arcadia. Arcadia's where the top blew off. The top didn't blow off. It shook off. Besides, it didn't happen in Arcadia. It was Pasadena. It was not. It was too. Pasadena's where we hit a bump and the headlights changed places. Oh, yes. We had motor trouble there, too. Motor trouble? Were you held up very long? Yeah, we had to stay overnight, so Jack and Rochester made a personal appearance at the theater. That's right, Don. I figured as long as we had to stay there, we might as well do our act. How was the business, Jackson? Did you pack them in? Well, it was on such short notice, Phil, and then it was raining, and besides that, we were bucking a terrific picture that was playing right across the street. Yeah, what was the name of it? A puppets of passion starring Ronald Glick and Heather Noodleman. Adults only. But we did pretty well at that. Anyway, enough of our adventure of getting back home. What do you say, Phil? How about a band number? Okay, Jackson, what do you want us to play? Something popular or something classified? Classical. Classified? Oh, brother, what a dodo. Well, it ain't my fault. You dragged me down to Palm Springs, and I missed four weeks of night school. Oh, that's right. You did miss night school. Did it set you back any? Yeah, the teacher's going around with another guy now. Oh, she is. Say, your teacher must be good-looking. Jackson, she's pretty enough to be a cigarette girl. Nice day. Well, Phil, let me know when you graduate from school. Well, yeah, I want to send your diploma to Ripley. Now, let's have a number. I don't care whether it's classified or classical. Just play it. Wait a minute. Come in. Wait a minute. Wait, who are these three guys? Those are the boys that sang on the program last week. Oh, the Guadalajara trio from Palm Springs. Well, I paid them their money. What do they want? More. More. I gave them plenty. I gave you mucho pesos, boys. Remember? Pero queremos más dinero, por eso estamos aquí. Look, fellas, if you want more money, I'll straighten it out with you tomorrow. Manana. Manana. Why don't you pay them tonight? I don't know the word. Manana, boys. All right, go ahead and play, Phil. Hey, fellas. Adios. Will ya? Adios. I wish I knew a good Spanish lawyer. Classified meaning. I'm going to put an ad in the paper. Hey, go yuck, Benny. Por qué no la reglamos ahora? I'll pay you pronto. Pronto. Pronto means right now. Oh. Manana, fellas. Manadios. Will ya? Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that next Sunday night for our feature attraction, the Benny. We know our business, but we're in the wrong one, players. We'll present their version of 20th Century Fox's version of Jack Kirkland's version of Erskine Caldwell's famous book, that sensational and daring saga of the Georgia Hill Country tobacco roll. Thank you, cupcake. I should have hit that thing. I've got a muscle. Now, this great American classic will be the outstanding effort of our next Sunday's broadcast. I haven't seen the picture yet, Jack. What's it like? Well, it follows the play pretty closely, Mary, and just think, the legitimate show is still playing at the Forest Theatre in New York. Remember the time I took you to see Tobacco Road when it first opened? Oh, yes. Gee, that was a long time ago. Uh-huh. I'll never forget that night. You wore a derby hat, white facts, and a checkered suit. And a bamboo cane. You know, in those days, when I'd walk down the street, I wanted people to know I was an actor. You never could tell in the theater. Oh, yes, they could. Say, Jackson, I remember Tobacco Road in them days. Oh, did you see it, Phil? Now, I lived there. Oh, that's right. Well, Phil, you can be our technical advisor and tell us when to take our shoes off. Anyway, folks, tonight, as a trailer to this outstanding dramatic vehicle, we are going to present a few of the highlights. That will... Pardon me. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennet. Guess who this is? Hmm. Well, really, I haven't the slightest idea. I'll give you a hint. Who works harder than anybody in the world? Not you, Rochester. I bet $12 you're laying down while you're talking to me. You got the phone in one hand and a chicken sandwich in the other. Wait me to dart me. Never mind. I'm very busy now, Rochester. What do you want? Well, I'm over here in Pasadena to pick up the Maxwell, but you didn't give me enough money. Rochester, I gave you $20 to have that motor fixed. And that's plenty. I know, but complications have set in. What do you mean? Do you remember how the motor used to backfire just before it blow up? Yes. Well, now it whistles eight bars and there I go and boom. Well, that's only because it's overheated. Is the fan turning over? What's that, boss? I said, is the fan turning over? How can it you been wearing the belt for two weeks? Well, that's your fault you gave me a buckle for Christmas. Now tell the man to put on a new fan belt and haven't fixed that little leak in the radiator. Little leak? Yes. Boss, that thing drips like a California sky. Oh, it's not that bad. I haven't fixed and paid the garage man. And Rochester, if I didn't give you enough money, paid the difference and I will reimburse you. I beg your pardon? I said I'll reimburse you. That means I'll pay you back. I know what it means. I just want to hear you say it. Don't worry. I'll see you at home. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say bye. Now what? I read in the paper where you signed a contract and make another picture pretty soon. Is that correct? Yes, why? I wish you'd speak to me about those things. That's none of your business. Just speak to him about it. Now where were we? Oh, yes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I start to announce, we will now have a preview of Tobacco Rose. Take it, Mr. Wilson. Tobacco Rose, a few of the highlights from this sensational production. First, romance. I love you, Ellie May. What do you say we get hit? You mean get married? No, get hit. I want to plow the field. Drama! Hey, Jeter, ain't the clown. Jeter, ain't the clown. It's fleecy tonight. That's the mattress. You're under the bed. Intrigued. Yes. Come in, tree. Comedy. Why does the hen cross the road? The jack can have pressed chicken. Now cut that out. I told you, fellas. Manana! Manana! These are only a few of the highlights of dramatic thrills that are in store for you next Sunday night. Don't forget to tune in, folks. Tobacco Rose. Bigger than puppets of passion. You said it. Play, Phil. Many folks find that Sunday evening is a swell time for writing those letters they've intended to write all week, but just haven't got around to. So if you haven't yet written for your copy of General Food's new dessert recipe book, as I know you've meant to, why not do it tonight? Just address an envelope to me, Don Wilson, care of General Food's Battle Creek, Michigan. Then place a dime in coin or stamps in the envelope, together with your name and address, and mail it right away. In return, we'll send you a copy of our new dessert recipe book, a big 48 page recipe book, so beautiful that you'll never tired of looking at it, and so convenient that you'll use it not just once or twice, but all the time. It's a new idea in recipe books altogether, because it's designed to give you a different idea for dessert every single day of the year. There are tempting suggestions and recipes for 365 luscious desserts, pastries, puddings, cakes, cookies, and every other kind of treat you can think of, including lots of desserts made with rich, shimmering jello. And this grand book is simply full of colorful, fascinating pictures, lovely photographs, and clever, attractive paintings, page after page of them. So don't wait another day to send for this useful and beautiful book. Tonight, take a few minutes to write for your copy. Just send 10 cents in coin or stamps to Don Wilson, care of General Food's Battle Creek, Michigan. Be sure you remember the address. Don Wilson, care of General Food's Battle Creek, Michigan. Past number of the 24th program in the current jello series, and we will review again next Sunday night at the same time. So be sure to tune in and hear our version of Tobacco Road. Say, Mary, I'm going to be a hillbilly next week. I better dig up some old clothes. Why don't you wear that checkered suit? You still got it. Oh, yes. But the coat is so tight on me now. I'll never be able to get my muscle in it. You're the best. That hollow chest of yours will fit anything. Not when I inhale. Good night, folks. Whenever you reach for a cup of coffee, ladies and gentlemen, is there a still small voice inside that says, Careful now. You know you didn't sleep a wink last time you had coffee. Then see that your coffee in the future is Sanker Coffee, because it's the caffeine in ordinary coffees that keep so many people awake. And Sanker Coffee has had 97% caffeine taken out. Sanker is a real coffee, a delicious coffee, and it won't interfere with anybody's sleep. Sanker Coffee presents we the people over another network every Tuesday night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.