 All right, everyone, welcome back. It's day four of the 21 Convention in London, the men's conference of the century. Now, I'm glad you guys are here because our next speaker, you may recognize him from VH1, The New York Times, Dr. Phil. And he's even graced the 21 Convention stage twice before in the past. He's here to speak about identifying and fixing fear failures. He's a great guy, very fun. You'll notice him any room he walks into. Please welcome DJ Fuji. Good afternoon, London. That's the part where you say good afternoon. Let's try that one more time. Good afternoon, London. Outstanding. All right, so check this out, guys. For the next 75 minutes, I'm not going to speak to or at you. I'm going to speak with you. It's not enough to just pay attention to the guy on stage. It's not enough to just listen and hope that you absorb enough information to change things. Learning and absorption is done through action. It's done through participation. That's what I want from you guys. Here's how we're going to start that out. I'm going to say good to go. And you guys are going to say good to go. But you're going to say like you got a pair. And if you don't have a pair, well, then you just act as if. Good to go? Awesome, outstanding. All right, let's get started. Now, before I begin, I want everyone to get on their feet. And I want everyone to join me in a round of applause for your host, Peter Murphy, for your architect, Anthony Johnson, for your staff, and for all of you guys that have made the sacrifice to be here to improve your lives. Give it up. Thank you. Take your seat. My name is DJ Fuji. And I am not here today, gentlemen, to be your friend. I am here to be your best friend, the guy who won't necessarily tell you the things that you want to hear, but he will tell you the things that you need to hear. That's what I'm here today for. My goal over this next hour and about 15 minutes is to share with you three things, three things that are going to revolutionize. Your game, your mindset, and your journey. Let's get started. The first thing is why we are genetically wired to fail in our journey. Now, those of you guys that know me, know that I'm not a big fan of excuses, of reasons why we can't do things. But over the last year, I've been obsessed with figuring out why things aren't working for people. And this is a big, big key factor. I'm going to explain today what you're really up against. When you set those goals and you say, I want to do this, I want to get better, I want to change things. What you're really facing when you set those goals. Number two are the hacks that you guys can use to overcome these genetic limitations. And number three are the things that you can do right now to start and vastly improving your lives overall. Some of you guys know my background. Some of you guys have heard me speak before. Some of you guys know what I'm about. What most people don't realize, what most people see is the guy on stage. And most people don't realize that a very, very few short years ago, I was just like you. I was sitting in those chairs. I was at the conventions. I was looking on stage and I was saying, look at that guru. Look at that speaker. Look at that guy who's got everything. What I would give to be that guy. What I would give to be in that guy's shoes. One day, I would just like to know what it feels like to be good at this. I'd like to know what it feels like to not feel helpless. I look out of that crowd and I see a lot of guys of varying skill levels, but I see a lot of talent too. Hopefully some of this resonates with you guys. This is where I came from. Let me take you guys back about seven years ago. At that time, before the community, I had ever found the community. My friends looked at me and they said, Fuji, you have it all, man. You're so fortunate. You're so lucky. You have so much going for you. I'd gotten out of the Marine Corps. I'd bought my first house at 23. I had a sports car. I had a six-figure job. I was a United States Marine. My friends said, man, you've got everything we want. You've got it made. You're so lucky. And I looked at them and I said, yeah, man, I'm very fortunate. But deep down inside, I wasn't thinking that. Because inside, I was feeling one thing and it wasn't fortunate. I was feeling lonely. And it's really hard to admit that to yourself, to your friends, to your family, to anybody, very hard to admit that. I felt lonely. I felt desperate. Needy. Supplicating. Pathetic. But most of all, lonely. That's an emotion I never want to feel again. That's an emotion that drove me and continues to drive me. It continues to drive why I teach that. To drive why I go about and I make sacrifices to make things happen for my own development and for you guys. All the Marine ribbons, all the accolades, the sports car, the fancy house, none of that stuff mattered. Because deep down, I knew there was something wrong. I knew there was something that I had to fix. And I had tried everything. I had changed everything. And yet, I had changed nothing. I used to dread, I can tell you guys a quick story. I used to dread going to work on Fridays. Not going to work, but I used to dread Friday coming around. All my coworkers were like, man, TGIF, right? TGIF, thank god it's Friday. I'm so happy that Friday's around. The weekend is here. And I would join them and I would say, yeah, Friday's awesome. I can't wait for the weekend. But deep down inside, just below the surface, I dreaded Friday. I didn't like Friday. Because Monday through Friday, I could pretend that I was doing the grind, the nine to five. That's why I don't have time for a girlfriend. I don't have time to go on dates or anything else like that. I'm in the grind. It's Monday through Friday. I show up and I go to work. And I go to the gym and then I go home and I go to sleep. I can fool myself. The illusion is still there. But come Friday, come Friday night, come Saturday night when you have no excuses. And I'm sitting there at home by myself. That's when it hits you. Things have to change. And so when I found this community of guys, I found this industry. To me, that was huge. To me, I appreciate that. That's why I'm here. Because to me, this community wasn't a bunch of loose knit guys running around throwing pickup lines at girls. To me, this community represented hope. It represented that glimmer of hope on the horizon at the end of that tunnel. Finally, there were people out there that knew me. There were people out there that knew what I was feeling, that felt what I felt, that struggled where I struggled. And that's a lot of the reason why I continue to coach today, why I've made the sacrifices to be where I am and why continue to coach. And over the next few years, after that period, when I found that community, I dedicated my life to this. And I'm not going to lie to you guys. It was not easy, not by a long shot. And anyone, anybody who tells you that this is easy is bullshitting you straight up. They're bullshitting you or they're telling you it's easy for them. But if you were like me, I'm five foot four in Asian. If you were like me, if you're anything like me, if you grew up shy, introverted, you don't know how to carry a conversation. You don't have a developed sense of humor. Guess what? This isn't easy. It's immensely rewarding, but it is not easy. But you know what? I remember that pain period. That period where you go through, where everything seems to be going wrong all the time. I remember that like it was yesterday. I remember each phase, approach anxiety. Who has ever had approach anxiety? Raise them high. I want to see the armpits. Approach anxiety. Still have it, but it's manageable. And I remember what that felt like when it wasn't manageable. When I see you guys in the clubs, training or otherwise, and I see you guys look at that set, and I see you guys look at her and want to approach, and then you start fidgeting. And you don't know what to do. And you look back at your friends, and I'm across the room, and I know what you're saying to them, oh, she's not my type. Oh, she's not hot enough. Oh, you know, she's talking to her friend. She's busy to give herself all these excuses. Don't get me wrong, I gave those exact same excuses. That's why I know what you guys are saying. And I remember what that's like. There were times, for all of you guys that feel bad, every time you don't approach a set, there were times when months at a time, I would be out three to four nights a week. Three to four nights a week. Four hours every night. What is that, like 16 hours, cumulatively? 16 hours a week. And not one set, I open. Cause I couldn't get over that fear. I looked at the set, I psyched myself out, and I could not get over that fear. So I remember what that's like. I remember stalling. Who has ever stalled before. Ran out of things to say. I remember that. I remember how long that took. How painful that was. When you walk up to a set, you say, whatever your grand opener is, and then she says, hi, and you say, ah, what's your name? Where are you from? And you bombard her with questions. Best scenario, worst scenario, you just stared her. And then you turn with your tail between your legs, and you walk back, hopefully, to your friends. I remember what that was like. I remember being in that friend zone. I remember being in that area where I could finally talk to a girl. I could finally make conversation. But she only thought of me as a friend. Every single set only thought of me as that friend, cause I didn't know how to get sexual. I didn't know how to flirt with girls. I didn't know the difference between having a regular conversation and having a flirty conversation. Every phase that you guys will go through, I've been in those phases, and more importantly, I remember what it's like, and I remember how I got through it, how I fixed it. And you know what, I even remember the times when I lost faith. And some of you guys, hopefully not in this room, but some of you guys have or will lose faith in the process. You'll go through it, and you'll go through a plateau period, where you're not getting better. And you'll say to yourself, maybe this isn't real. Maybe we're just fooling ourselves. Maybe no one can actually get better. And all these guys on this stage have already been good. Or have all this talent that they just hadn't brought out. Maybe that's what it is, and I have no shot. I remember that, I remember losing faith multiple times. Remember, this is back before there even was a 21 convention. This was back before there was the game. There weren't a whole lot of role models out there, and there certainly weren't any Asian role models. And we all thought in the back of our head, the thing that everyone thought, but no one wanted to say, was what if? What if this is all a sham? What if the community was all a bunch of scam artists? Just trying to take my money, you can't actually get good. I remember what that felt like. I remember going through those things. I remember those thoughts running through my head. I remember dreaming about pickup. Has anyone ever dreamt about pickup? A few of you guys, I dreamt about pickup. But the bad thing is I didn't dream about epic pickups. I didn't dream about grabbing girls. I dreamt about going into any social environment and just being able to get a kiss. Not every day, once, once, because it had been years since that ever happened. I wondered if it happened if I didn't even remember how to do it. That's how bad that got. Every step along the way I remembered. I remembered thinking, I don't know if I will ever be able to choose who I want to date. If I will simply have to get out there enough times, and maybe this is how the gurus did it, they just get out there enough times until a girl that likes you, you just escalate on her. Maybe that's how the, and there's been plenty of books on exactly how to do that. Maybe that's game, which is great if you're six foot tall and a good looking white guy. Not so great, five foot four in Asia. I remember all of those things, but I kept at it. Every time I lost faith, I looked back six months ago, and I said, where was I six months ago? If I've improved in the last six months, then I'm going somewhere. And that might be slow, but it's steady. And I kept at it. And I had that faith, and you know what? I'm not a religious guy, and I don't have faith in a lot of things, but I put my faith in this, and I kept at it. And someone once said something that really resonated with me. They said, anything worth being good at is worth being bad at until you get good. Write that down. Anything worth being good at is worth being bad at until you get good. I eventually found mentors, and I found coaches, many of whom have spoken at this event. Many of whom have guided me along the way, some of whom are in this room. And I found those guys and they changed everything for me. Now, yes, it took a lot of work on my part. It wasn't an instant, give me, but they changed things. They showed me what was possible. They expanded that reality. And the first thing I did is I kicked myself. I kicked myself because in every area of my life I have invested in myself. And all of a sudden I came to pick up, and I said, oh, society says we should just be ourselves. Therefore, I'm not going to invest in myself. I'm just gonna be myself, and I hope that that works with maybe some tactics sprinkled on top. And I kicked myself for not doing it early. One of my earliest coaches, a guy who has spoken at this event, at this convention. I remember training with him, and I remember him telling me, what took you so long to get help? You're not getting the results you want. You're getting some results, and that's awesome. But what took so long? It took 18 months. 18 months of grinding through the trenches. And I said, I wanted to get over my approach anxiety first. I wanted to do, I wanted to get over certain things first before I went into training. He said, that's admirable. Because you did do that to some extent, and you got some results to some extent. He said, the problem is you now have 18 months of bad habits. You now have 18 months of unlearning before you can actually learn more. Today my students get better way faster than I did. Every successive generation of students gets better faster than the previous ones. That's because of these advancements, and because guys like you are here. Guys like you are investing in yourself, and I applaud you guys for that. A lot of guys think that once you become a coach, it's all over. Now honestly, if I could go to pickup seminars today, I would, but nobody will let me. Okay, all the legal, nobody will let me, but what I do go to are public speaking seminars, marketing boot camps, sales boot camps, boot camps on how to connect with people, boot camps on how to coach, boot camps on how to connect with your students so that you can make a difference. So when I tell you guys to invest in yourself, I'm not saying do what I say and not what I do. I'm walking the walk and I'm telling you guys this is how I got here, and this is how you guys can get here. John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach, said it's what you learn after you think you know it all, that counts. Write that down. It's what you learn after you think you know it all, that counts. I read that quote every day because it is printed out and it is taped to my mirror in the bathroom. So that despite being a coach, despite being a speaker, I continue to learn. Today I still consider myself a student. I am still on that journey. I'm just a little bit further ahead. I still break through those waypoints. I still push through those sticking points. Gentlemen, goals are not finish lines. Goals are waypoints. Remember that. You achieve a goal and then you move on to the next goal. And if there's one thing that separates me, pretty much any coach out there, it's that I remember all of these things. I remember every piece of this journey, what it took to get here, and more importantly, what it will take for you all to get here. And that's precisely why I'm standing in front of you today, because I'm here to talk about your journey. In an area where almost everybody fails. Everyone who even tries this statistically will fail. I wanna give you guys the tools to avoid becoming that statistic. In the past, you guys may have heard me speak on these date fundamentals. Discipline, aggressiveness, training, execution. If that's new to you guys, go back through the 21 Convention website and watch those previous videos. All of my successive presentations build upon the previous ones. So make sure you go home and you watch that. But I've spent this past year looking through those presentations myself and wondering, I gave really good advice. Why are so many people still failing? Why are so many people not putting it together? Because if you follow that advice, you get results. It's not all of you guys. It's us. So I've spent this last year obsessed with implementation. Obsessed with finding out why that's so hard. Why implementation is so difficult? Why so many students fail at this? If you're not satisfied with your progress, in this, in life, in anything, if you have set goals and you are not satisfied with where you are in achieving those goals, then I want you to sit up and I want you to pay attention because we're gonna go deep into this rabbit hole. The community has a 90 to 95% failure rate. Think about that. Out of a room of 100 people, 90 to 95 of them will not ever achieve their goals. 5% might achieve their goals. You know what? It's not even relegated to pick up. British psychologist Richard Wiseman did a study and it showed that in the general population, 88% of people don't achieve their goals. That sounds pretty accurate. That sounds pretty in line with what we're seeing. It's not even you guys in pickup. It's everybody. People in general are not achieving their goals. Statistically, if we just look at this room, at this room right here, maybe half of one of you will get good. You sit right there in the blue, half of you will get good. The rest of you guys, no shot. Nothing. It's a very harrowing statistic, right? All of us are thinking the same thing. No, no, not me. I'm the exception. Not me. I'm that one guy that's the exception. Now what I'm gonna ask you is if you look around it, everyone else around you, are you doing exponentially more than what they're doing? If you're not, guess what? You're in that 95%. You're in that vast majority that doesn't get good. Now I realize this is not a normal room. This is not a general cross-section of the general population. I realize that. So our percentages may be higher in a room like this. Let's just take a quick, very unscientific poll, okay? Very honestly, I want you guys to tell me, by show of hands, who here is approaching more than about 20 to 25 sets per week? Coach is not withstanding. Coach, just put your hands down, please. One guy? Added an entire room. Two maybe? What does that tell you? 20 is not, by any means, the top. 20 is not A. 20 is not like Asian guy at the front row of the math class. 20 is that guy in the back smoking weed. Who like a might pass? Maybe, if he's lucky and he cheats off the said Asian guy at the front. That's what 20 is. 20 means you might have a fighting chance. Maybe, if you get lucky. That's what 20 is. That's why I was out six nights a week. Because I said I got a lot of things stacked up against me. And I better make those things work and I better make those things happen. Because otherwise, I got nothing else. Understand that the odds are stacked against you. From the get-go. 20% or 20 sets. Anything less than that means you are doomed to failure. You know what? The average guy at this and in anything will fail. Understand that. And I know that sounds really crappy. But understand that the average guy fails. Here's why. The average guy has average results and average work. Average intelligence. Average work ethic. Average willpower. The problem is that the average guy has exceptional goals. Who here has goals where they just want to maybe marry an unattractive girl that likes them and just kind of settle down with her? Anyone have those goals out here? Anyone have just really low-hanging fruit? You know, maybe STD girl, can't find anyone else? I'll take her. Because really, after you got it, you got it, right? It's not like you can get it again. Anyone have those goals? No, you all have exceptional goals. All of you guys have goals up here. The vast majority of you guys are putting into it down here. That's why I'm up here. That's why I'm talking about what we're talking about today. Here's the interesting part. The really, really interesting part. You are genetically predisposed to fail at this. Like I said, I don't like giving guys excuses. I hate that, but you are genetically predisposed to failure. Your mind and body are designed to survive first and get good at pickup, second, third, and fourth. There's a part of your brain that actually prevents you from being exceptional because it's worried about getting eaten by a lion. That's why when it comes down to it and you feel that fear and you say, should I approach or I'm really scared because there's a lion out there. You say, I'm not gonna approach that and you exit. Genetically, you guys are set up not to be successful. And when I racked my brain over the last year, trying to figure out why certain guys get good and so few of them and everybody else fails, I came across these principles. Your mind and body are actually dragging you into mediocrity. That's what's happening. Now, what do you guys really wanna know? What's on everyone's mind right now? What is the questions going through where everyone's head right now? It's how do I hack the system? How do I cheat that? How do I beat the odds? How do I not become that statistic? That's what you guys wanna know. Here's the answer. Identifying failure factors, write that down. Identifying failure factors. These are factors that majorly contribute to the failure of the vast majority of people. There's two main ones. The first one, again, write this down. It's called blind spots. Those of you guys that drive, you know what I'm talking about, blind spots. You look, you're like, oh, there's no car there. Then you pull over, and then, holy shit, there's a car there. It's a blind spot, okay? Those of you guys that are Americans, know that Asian people have a lot of blind spots. Okay? Your blind spots in game, though, are interesting. Because the blind spots in game mean not having the right information at the right time with the right implementation for the right students. That's a really specific combination of things. And it's a little bit abstract, too. If you told me that, I'd be like, what does that mean? So let's actually show. Okay? We'll do a quick experiment. What I want you guys to do is shout out the answer when you guys know. I'm gonna say sentence, and I want you guys to finish the sentence. Okay? Bats use sonar because they can't. Good. Christopher Columbus, now hopefully this works in Europe, but Christopher Columbus, he faced resistance from the Europeans because they believe the shape of the world was good. Einstein said the definition of insanity is, anyone know this? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result, okay? Sushi is Japanese for, okay? What do you think all of these things have in common? Anyone want to say a guess? What do all of these little factoids have in common? They're all what? They are? Absolutely are. You know what else they have in common? They're all wrong. They are all 100% wrong. And if you guys have blind spots on bats and on fucking Christopher Columbus, what do you think's gonna happen when you have those same blind spots to women and dating? You'll have no idea. You will go through life thinking, oh yeah, that's just how it works. That's how this stuff works. That's just how it is. Until someone says you have a blind spot. That's not how it is. That's not how you're supposed to do that. That might be how I can do it, but you might be different. Having the right information at the right time, absolutely critical. Imagine you guys had these same beliefs about women and about dating. That's probably gonna cause some problems. Let's do another quick experiment. Guru one, say imaginary Guru run, says guys, you should really stack. You should stack routines. You should throw a bunch of canned material and I'm not intentionally making fun of them, but you should throw a bunch of canned material and you should just script out everything you're gonna say and stack everything out and then you wanna run out of things to say. And Guru two says, no, that's bullshit. You should be yourself. You should be authentic. You shouldn't have to worry about these stupid, fuck these stupid routines. You need to be you at your core. You need to be natural. I've got two different gurus. Anyone tell me which one's right? Hazard to guess, anyone? Who's right? It's a trick question because both and none. You're like, well that makes no sense for you. I'm glad we cleared that up. It's because advice, remember this, advice is only as useful as its context. Guru A, Guru one, his advice works for a specific context and Guru two, his advice works also for a specific context. If you were not that context, guess what? It doesn't apply to you. I can't count the number of times that I've seen coaches and they give advice for what would work for them. They say, oh yeah, yeah, that's all you gotta do is just say something funny and then just grab and dominate and then just push her away and then have abundance. That's great advice from my perspective. I'm like, oh yeah, absolutely. Right there, right there, I feel you. Now me seven years ago, what does he think? He thinks that guy is out of his goddamn mind because I can't even walk up to her. Advice is only as useful as its context, as its appropriateness that applies across the board. You guys have seen a lot of great speakers up here and you guys have a lot of varying skill levels. Remember that very few things being said on the stage are wrong but a lot of things may be right or wrong for you. Some of the things that I'm saying might be wrong for you but you gotta take everything that you're learning and you gotta say, is this right for me? Does this address my sticking points, my problems, what I'm focusing on or is this for random other guy that doesn't apply to me? That's why this is so important. Now the first factor we talked about, right? First factor is those blind spots. Now the second factor is this idea of willpower and discipline. I talk a lot, a whole lot about discipline. Coming from the Marines, that's exactly how that works. Discipline is an absolute requirement when you are a Marine but what I didn't realize is that discipline and willpower, they're strange finicky things. I used to think you just man up, you have discipline, you get it done, you have the willpower and you get the job done and for some people, for Marines, that really works because you don't have much of other of a choice but when you're not a Marine, what happens? When you tell the guy to man up, that doesn't work so much. All of a sudden, that doesn't necessarily work and when I did the research on this, what I found was that willpower is not this imaginary mystical force like we thought attraction was. This mystical force that just makes you do things. You can just get the job done and if you don't have willpower, well then you're just lazy. You better get some and you better go. That's not how willpower works. Willpower is a direct product of a part of the brain that functions in a variety of different uses and the thing is that willpower is finite. A lot of luck the self-improvement gurus tell you when you want to lose weight, when you want to achieve your goals, when you want to get rich, when you want to do these things, you visualize, you think positively, you think about it and you think positively and it comes to you, you attract it into your life. That's probably an element of truth to that. It's probably some part that's true to that but science says that's complete and utter horseshit. Science says that willpower is not this mystical force that you just bring into your life because you think you attract it. Willpower comes from a place. It's called the prefrontal cortex. It's part of the brain that creates that sense of willpower. It also creates all of your problem solving, all of your memory and all of your focus. And unfortunately that part of the brain doesn't multitask very well. It also means if you're doing any one of those things like trying to remember something or you're focusing on something else or you're doing something else, your willpower just went down the tubes. The problem with relying on willpower is that it is finite and it is oftentimes unavailable, especially when we're focusing, especially when we're trying to remember things, when we're problem solving abstractly. Now what does this all mean to you? The good news is that like a muscle, the prefrontal cortex can be exercised and it can get stronger. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. It's like the heart, it's like the mind, it's like the muscles. The bad news is it fails like a muscle. We have this idea of willpower being infinite. You could just manufacture more willpower. But if someone said you could bench press 100 pounds, you know what, I'm gonna throw 1000 pounds on there and just think you can do it. It's positive thinking, come on, think about it. Just get more strength. We all know you're just gonna drop a goddamn bar on yourself. It's not going to work because your muscles have limitations. Well, so does willpower. It is finite. Now what this means for you guys is that you guys have to push hard right now while your willpower is in effect because once it runs up, time is up. And once it's gone, that's it. Once it's gone, you guys drop out. I couldn't figure out why guys dropped out at certain points. It's because guys will go until their willpower runs out. And if they don't find a source to replenish this willpower, then when it runs out, you quit. And when I figured that out, I was like, holy crap. That's why, that's why guys are quitting at very specific and predictable points because they're not replenishing. Now how do you replenish? We're gonna get into that. The number one way though is through success. It's through reference experience, which means if you're going out and you're approaching five sets a week, you're not gonna get the experience to ever have that reference experience, to ever have those successes. So in 12 months time, when your willpower runs out and you're at the end of the rope and you say, I'm out of willpower, what do I have to show for it? When that answer is nothing, all of a sudden it's extremely depressing and all of a sudden you turn tail and you quit. That's how that works. And that is why that's so important. And what this also means is that as coaches, we have to understand how the mind works and we have to account for these limitations as human beings. Here's my solution. I created a solution by doing a lot of research and by testing this all a lot on my long-term guys. And for those of you long-term guys in this room and watching this, I'm sorry you had to be the guinea pigs, but this is why this works. It's called a custom recipe. It is a systematic game plan that addresses both your blind spots and your inherent willpower limitations. That sounds all grandiose, so let's take a look at how this works. There's three parts to this. The first part is eliminating your major factors. The major factors are the things holding you back regardless of everything else. For example, you have everything working for you, but you are extremely risk-averse. In other words, you don't open. You don't push things. You're afraid to blow the set. You do not want to take risks. Why don't care how much money you have. I don't care how successful you are. I don't care how famous you are. You will not likely get to the goals that you've set because you have a major factor holding you back. Appearance is another one. You're 400 pounds, disgusting, hairy, smells. I don't care how good your game is. That's an uphill battle. You'll be lucky. If you think it's a 90, 95% failure rate, being normal, that's a 99.99% failure rate. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's damn well close to it. Making sure you're eliminating these major factors. Okay, there's four major factors. First one being that risk aversion. In practical terms for you guys, and I don't care if you guys don't actually even want to get good in the club. I don't care if you guys hate clubs. You guys have to be out there hitting 20 to 30 sets minimum per week if you want to develop the requisite social and sexual skills to be comfortable with women. When it really comes down to it, once you've naturalized a skill set, what works is a composite of all of these little things that we've done. I see some naturals out there and they're doing everything wrong, like everything wrong. And they're still successful. You're like, how does that work? Because they have a few key composite things that work. They're confident, they have a strong frame, they're unreactive. You can make all kinds of DOVs and mistakes if you've got some things like that. But if you guys want to develop them, that road is paved through hitting 20 to 30 sets. There's just no shortcut. Unless you are extremely naturally talented, there's no shortcut. You've got to do those things. Overroaching principle, risk aversion. If you guys look inside and you say, I am afraid of risk, then get over that. I don't care if it's through a coach or through a gun to your head, get over it. Get over that risk aversion because in pickup, the risk is almost always mitigated. Think about the risk that you guys are afraid of when you're out there. Is it a real risk? Or is it all up here? Are there actual consequences to when this happens? To when things screw up? What are you really afraid of? That's what you've got to ask yourself. And what you'll find is that it's all in your head. There are no real consequences. Even things that seem real like, oh, the guy's gonna fight me. That doesn't happen. Seven years of cold approaching, you'd think I would be getting into fights all the time. Especially because guys look at me and they're like, I could fight him. I don't have to be afraid. Never happened. It's really hard to get into fights. You have to do something really bad to get into fights. You have to try. If you don't try to do it, it's really hard. Trust me, I've even tried and even then it's half the time it's hard. It's hard to get into fights. All of these fears you guys have are illusions. You've got to recognize those for what they are. Risk aversion is huge. Make sure you guys are fixing that. If you don't, then you do everything else in this recipe. You make those cookies perfect, but you leave the sugar out. What happens? You don't have cookies. You have this jab of the hut looking piece of dough. Okay? You have really bad cookies. That's what happens. You've got to follow the recipe. Number two is your appearance. Clean up your appearance. You don't have to be good looking, but you do have to take showers. El Topo not withstanding. Sometimes. You do have to be well groomed. You do have to work on your fashion. Can you get away with it? Absolutely, but it's a lot harder. Why would you put roadblocks in front of yourself? Stack the deck in your favor. I look at this room, and this is actually pretty surprising because the general fashion in this room is a whole lot better than what I'm used to. But even among this room, there are a lot of things that we can work on to maximize that. There are a lot of things that can make your journey a lot easier. Why would you go 10 years at this if you could not get out in five years by tweaking fashion? It's the easiest thing to do, right? That's why you got to work on that appearance. And it's not just appearance for the girls. It's appearance for you. So when you walk out of the house, you say, I look good. You say, I look good for me. Not for these random girls out there. I have a girlfriend, and when I leave the house, I don't leave the house looking like crap. I don't leave the house in a white beater in shorts. I don't leave the house dressed poorly. I don't leave the house embarrassed by the way I look. And I can't pick up. Even if I do see the girl, I can't even do that without cheating. But it's for me. This is what it means to be attractive, to be men. Fix that appearance, absolutely critical. The next thing, what is your lifestyle like? What's your job, your friends, your housing, your hobbies, the people that you spend the most time with. There's a really weird statistic out there that's so accurate, it's eerie. It's the five or six people that you hang out with the most. Take their income and average it out. The average of their income has got like a 90% chance that that's your income. Which also means if you hang out with broke guys, guess what you are. If you hang out with unattractive guys, guess what you are. Birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with people that are successful. Hang out with winners. Hang out with people that have the skills that you want. That are doing the things that you want to do. And that's across the board. In money, in pickup, in lifestyle, everything. Analyze, what are your hobbies? If your hobbies are relegated to playing video games and jacking off, well guess what? You better change that. Because neither of those are gonna help you. Find actual hobbies, find a passion. Find things that you do. Outside of just picking up girls. Outside of all the pickup stuff. Find things that you are passionate about. Find things that you genuinely like to do. And not just because girls think that's impressive. And I don't care if it's something geeky either. I don't care if it's something that you are absolutely, I'm passionate about photography. And we all know Asian guy, camera photographer, not that sexy. It's not like Kung Fu guy, which I was and now I like photography. But you know what? I'm passionate about it. It is an art form to it. You guys have been in this room. You've seen me take pictures. I've learned from Steve Veltopo. He's one of the best photographers that I know. I've learned so much by hanging out with that guy. By learning from him. That is my passion. I talk about it. I always bug it. I always come up to him. Hey, what's up, man? Hey, hey, can you show me this new thing? Can you show me how to do this? That's something I'm passionate about. You guys gotta find those passions. You gotta work on that area of your life. You gotta develop that lifestyle. Hey, and the last thing are your basic skills. Your basic social and conversation skills. And this includes sexuality as well. Your basic tactical skills. If you don't have those, then life gets really difficult. If you don't know how to frame control, if you don't know how to handle shit tests, if you don't know how to get sexual, if you don't know how to Kino, how to escalate, how to flirt with her, how to do push-pull, life gets really tough. So that's the fourth piece of the puzzle. Knock that out. Those are the four major factors. Those are the prerequisites before we get in to the more detailed stuff. Make sure you guys knock that out. If you have, you're in a really good place. Okay, part two, systematic sticking point elimination. Most guys that I found have no idea what their sticking points are. Nine, zero. They think, I just have a hard time getting sexual. How many sets are you approaching? Well, I don't really approach, but sometimes I'll talk to a girl at the supermarket and I want to pull her in the bathroom, but I don't know how to do that. Most guys have no idea what their sticking points are. And you know what, I don't even blame you, because very few people teach how to figure that out. No one's like, this is your step-by-step directions on how to figure out where your sticking points are. Everyone just expects you to know it. Those of you guys that have been around a while, remember 2005, when everyone just expected you to be funny? Everyone's like, yeah, yeah, just be funny. Okay, so next step. All right, so now we're gonna get into disqualification. Everyone just expected you to have humor. You're just like, oh, same thing with confidence and dominance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just be dominant. Yeah, so okay, we're gonna get into push-pull now. That's exactly what this is now. Make sure that you guys are figuring out what you're sticking, even if you're bad at it, even if you have no idea what you're doing on sticking points. How many people have a list at home on their wall of their sticking points and they just cross them off as they go through them? How many have that list anywhere? How many have ever even created that list? One guy? This is what I'm talking about. That was me. I'm not up here telling you guys I'm a holier than thou art. That was me. And someone had to shake me out of my reality and said, hey, if you wanna get good, if you want these results, then you better be willing to do what's necessary. This is how we do sticking points. The first is we focus on problems, not symptoms. The second is that we identify the problems through the symptoms, exactly like a doctor would. Here's the easiest way to tell. Step one, ask yourself how many sets you're opening. If it's anything less than 20 and you're not at a pretty advanced level where you're hooking a lot of your sets, then that's your first sticking point, risk aversion. You gotta make sure that that happens. Once you get past that, ask yourself, where do my sets end? Where are the vast ones? Just go out with a notepad. Every time a set blows up, write down exactly where it blew up. Where was I in this set when things went wrong and what was the symptom that I experienced? Then count all of them up. Figure out where your sets end the most. Then take that point in the interaction. Take one to two steps back. That's where your problem is. Here's a live example, okay? You're out, you open, you talk to a girl after a few minutes, she has to go to the bathroom. You even sometimes make her laugh a little bit, but she has to go to the bathroom. That's right here. She has to go to the bathroom consistently. This is where my sets are ending. Why? Take two steps back. The first step, some more quasi-attraction. Next step back, opening. Your opening, the mistakes you're making in your opening is why that's happening. Somewhere between opening and attraction, that's why you're getting that particular thing. Don't even look at what you did right before she had to go to the bathroom because it's probably too late. It's probably inconsequential, but your opening, are you looking over and staring at her and then shuffling and fidgeting and then walking over and looking down? That will cause that to happen. Because from her perspective, she says, oh god, this guy, all right, I'll talk to him for like a minute and then I'll find a reason to leave. And she talks to you for a minute. You might even make her laugh. And then she's like, oh yeah, yeah, sorry, a bathroom, I gotta go and she leaves. And you think, oh man, I can't make girls laugh. Oh, that's bad, they walk away. Don't look at what happened directly before that. Look at the problem, the core of the problem. Even though you guys aren't gonna be perfect at this, the first time you do this, the first few times, the first few dozen times you do this, doing it is going to make you better at it and doing it is going to give you some broad idea of where you're at. But the problem is that nobody does this. Nobody does this. Everyone just at the best goes out and hopes that they will automatically fix their sticking points. Their sticking points will just fix themselves. It doesn't work like that unless you get really lucky that's not how that happens. So what I want you guys to do is I want you guys, when you get home, is to write down and prioritize your top three sticking points. And for each one of those, I want you to brainstorm, how do I eliminate them? How do I fix them? What do I do to solve that problem? Cause what a lot of you guys don't realize is that when you ask a coach, how do you solve the problem? If he's a good coach, a lot of times he asks how do you think you should solve the problem? And you say, oh, I think I should do this, this and this and guess what the answer is? This, this and this. A lot of the answers you guys have already. You just have to do them. You have to do that brainstorming process. When there's something that comes up, say financially and say I can't afford it. There's a coaching program that I want to take for wealth building for finances. And it's a coaching program and it costs $80,000. That's a lot of money for anybody. $80,000, it'd be real easy for me to say, oh, that's too expensive. I can't do it. But that would also be a poverty mentality. That would be a loser mentality. I don't say I can't afford it. I say, what do I, I take a sheet of paper out and I say, what do I have to do to make this happen? $80,000 broken up over 12 months, all of a sudden not that expensive. Now we're talking what, 8,000 maybe? Maybe probably less than that. About 6,000 to 7,000 a month. Still a lot of money. What can I do to make an extra 6,000 or 7,000? Again, a lot, that's not a small amount of money, but it can be done. What do I have to do over a week's timeframe to make 1,500, 1,500 this week, 1,500 next week? Even if you guys are in corporate jobs, even if you guys don't have your own thing, there are things that you can do to make that happen. All of my friends are in the eight figure range and they look at me like the poor kid. Like, what are you doing? Why are you making such little money? And you know what, that motivates me because I don't think in a poverty mentality. I think in abundance. Even if I can't afford something, I don't say I can't afford it. I say how can I afford it? What do I have to do to make this happen? That's how I've made things happen. Some of you guys have even asked, how did you start your business? You don't advertise at all. You are a moron. You have no advertising. You don't even have an email list and I'm sorry for those of you guys that work with me, but I still don't have one. Why? What's wrong with you? And I will fully admit that that is something I need to work on. Yes. But how did you even create a business that works? How did that even function? And it's because when I ran into a roadblock, I said what do I need to do to make this happen? I didn't say, oh, this is too hard. I'm gonna give up. This is systematic sticking points applied not to pick up, but to your lies. And everything that you do, you have sticking points. You have blind spots. You fix them and things will change. Take your top three sticking points, develop that plan to eliminate them. All right, step three. This is the critical, this is the key point. This is why things don't happen. Step three is called hacking motivation. Because as we said, motivation is finite and it sucks because a lot of people don't want to admit that. And motivation, your willpower is finite. So what I'm gonna do is give you guys a series of tactics that I use to hack motivation. Because mine, just like yours, is finite. But there are certain things you can do to change that around. The first one is blood sugar. Research has shown that when your blood sugar drops, your sense of motivation goes out the goddamn window. Which is also why when you're really hungry and you're on a diet, what do you eat? Crap. Really easy to eat celery sticks when you're not hungry, right? When you're just like, I just had my healthy meal. I'll snack on some celery sticks. When you haven't eaten for 12 hours, what do you do? Oh, I'll just stop by McDonald's on the way home. That'll be cool. Your sense of motivation, your sense of willpower and discipline goes out the window. Keep your blood sugar up. When your blood sugar is up or is at least at normal levels, your sense of motivation becomes a lot easier to control, to implement. Another way, that goal setting process. Make sure you take your goals, which are very abstract, very broad goals, and we condense them. Take your goals and condense them into individual steps that you can do. Your goal should not be make a lot of money. Your goal should be make 10,000 a month, make 20,000 a month, make a certain amount, and then it should be broken down even more. How do I do that? What are five steps I should take to actually make that happen? And set deadlines on that. If you guys haven't watched the 2010, the 21 convention from 2010 in Orlando, that is exactly what I went into. Breaking down your goals and accomplishing them. That's how you get things done. You set a deadline. You knew it's something arbitrary. Like, ah, you know, I want to make half a million dollars. That seems like, oh, it's so far in the future. I'm still in college. Set a deadline. Say, you know what? In five years after I graduate, I want to make a half a million dollars a year. Set a deadline. Because if you don't set a deadline, that date will creep up on you. And pretty soon, it'll be five years and you'll still make 40,000. You'll say, what happened to all of the years they crept up on you? Set a deadline and do those goals. Break them down and accomplish them. That's how you, a lot of motivation, a lot of the New Year's resolutions don't happen because we have these broad goals and we think willpower alone is gonna fix them. And they don't. You gotta break these down. You gotta schedule them. Another thing that works really well for me, make your goals public. Anything that you want to do, make it public. Put it out there so that there's a lot of pressure on you when you don't get them done. You want to do something by a certain date, make it public. Tell everyone, put it on your Facebook. Put it out there so there's a lot of pressure on you to make sure that that happens. Another thing that works for me is external pain or a fear of loss motivators. A lot of you guys are also motivated by that. So use that to your advantage. Let's say, for example, that you're going out and you're approaching and you're not doing the approaches that you need to. You're not doing the quantity or any number of things that you need to do. You go out with a wingman and you give him $200 or 200 pounds. And you say, these are the steps that I have to do. If I don't do those, that's yours. Don't be nice either. Keep it. That night, you will do those things, I guarantee. You will make those things happen because all of a sudden, it's a fear of loss. Doesn't even really have to be 200 but that's a very effective number for most of us. If you have a lot of money, give them 2,000. Give them 20,000. I'll be a very, in fact, I'll be your friend. I'll hit all of you like, I'll just give it to me and don't do your stuff, just don't do it. Do whatever it's gonna take to make that happen for you. Figure out what motivates you, okay? For some of you guys, it isn't money. For some of you guys, it is embarrassment. For some of you guys, it's a fear of someone finding out or someone thinking poorly of you. Do the same thing. For me, a lot of times, when I was out by myself, I would think, oh man, I can't approach, I can't approach. But I was more afraid, at that point, of other people thinking I was a pussy than approaching. So I'd go up to random guys and I'd be like, man, that girl's really hot, huh? And he'd say, yeah, and I would say, I wanna talk to her, but I'm such a pussy. And he'd be like, no man, no you're not. And I'm like, yeah, I am. Tell me I am, please. And he'd be like, you're a pussy. I'd be like, fuck you, I'd walk up, okay? That was motivation for me. I knew exactly what motivated me. So I used that to my advantage. Figure out what motivates you. I'll tell you an area for me where I lack massive amounts of discipline and motivation. And that is waking up when I don't need to. If I don't have something specific to wake up for, remember I don't have a nine to five. I can do my job at five o'clock in the morning. If I don't have something that I have to wake up for and those of you guys that ever get into entrepreneurship, you will find this is a really common problem. You have nothing to wake up for. You can work anytime. So you get up at like three o'clock in the afternoon. Like, why do I wake up? Especially if you're not a morning person. If I don't have anything to wake up for, I don't wake up. I'll sleep 14 hours a day. I'll just sleep because I like sleeping. It's an enjoyable process for me. I will just sleep endlessly. But I also don't get anything done sleeping 14 hours a day. So I know that in the moment when my alarm clock goes off, when I say, do I have anything to get up for? Should I wake up? Nah, I'm always gonna say no. I'm always gonna say I'll sleep another three hours. It's always going to happen that way. However, if I can schedule a flight, in the morning, I will wake up for that. I never miss flights. If I can schedule a coaching, meeting with a client, with a student, I will never miss that. I will wake up for that. At doctor's appointment, I will wake up for that. So guess what's in my mornings? All my appointments. Because I know that my productivity will plummet if I sleep in. If I sleep till four o'clock in the afternoon, I won't get anything done. Psychologically, it just won't happen. So I schedule everything for the mornings. I set that up because I know what I respond to. And you may or may not respond to that. Figure out what you respond to and make that happen. Okay, our last thing is this idea of distraction or trickery. Distraction is something they use in psychology a lot to get over this, especially when you're dealing with willpower. What that means is you make little bets with yourself, little deals with yourself to distract what's really happening. Let's take this previous example of you gotta wake up. What I've started to do is when my alarm clock goes off and I wanna say, I'll just go to sleep. What I actually say is I'll just stay up for 15 minutes. I'll check my email and if I'm still tired, I'll go to bed. I'll go back to sleep. Now that sounds like a very fair deal. SleepyMe says, okay, I just kinda see that. You know, like, it's fair. You know, like, all right, I'll get up for that. And when I have to wake up 15 minutes, you never go back to sleep. But SleepyYou doesn't know that. All it knows, that sounds like kind of a fair deal. Whereas if that guy was like, you just stay up for the next 12 hours and work your ass off. SleepyMe would be like, you can go suck an A because I'm going back to sleep. I know what motivates me. I know what works. That works for you, use that. In field, this is how this translates. If you're like, man, I don't wanna go out. I don't want to approach. This is the worst thing in the world. Then make a deal with yourself. If I go in the venue and I open the first set and I open five sets back to back and it takes me a half an hour, I leap after half an hour. That's it. You go in 30 minutes, you turn around and you leave. That's doable. Pretty much any of us can do that even with approaching anxiety. That's the deal you make with yourself. 30 minutes, all it takes is just go in, open five sets and bail. You don't even have to sacrifice any time. You can go on a date after that if you need to. 30 minutes, all of a sudden, that huge thing of like, man, I gotta go out four hours. It's gonna be draining, it's gonna suck. All that stuff kind of goes out the window. And more often than not, when you're in that environment, you don't leave. You're like, oh man, I'm having fun now. These girls all over me, it's cool, I'm learning. Now you stay in that environment but in order to get you there, you distract yourself. You make these little deal, I call it trickery because you're really just tricking your head. You make these little deals with yourself to make sure that that happens. That's how I hack motivation. And the reason I bring that up is because I've talked in the past about the date model. I've talked about what you guys need to do tactically to make things happen and yet nobody seems to do it. There's so many guys that still continue to drop out. Some of the guys that have dropped out have even told me, I've watched your stuff and I've watched everyone's stuff and I've seen all these products and I just can't bring myself. This is the missing component here. If you guys out there are thinking, you know, I haven't done what's necessary and it's because I just don't seem to have that willpower. I'm lazy or I'm lethargic or any of these things. This is how you hack that. You set up artificial constraints to make sure that you achieve your goals. That's how you succeed in this. That's how you succeed in your finances, in your career and in your life. Does that make sense to you guys? Yeah. Good. All right, now I've got some great giveaways that I want to give to you guys for being here. So thank you guys for being here. I've got some really, really killer stuff for you guys. All right, so the first thing is I want to show you guys these congruence test cards. Okay, shit tests. Who here doesn't know what shit tests are, congruence test? Anyone not familiar with the term? Okay, so when you walk up and girls want to know if you're actually confident or you're just a really good actor for that first five seconds. So you walk up, right? You walk up and you're like, hey, what's up? And she's like, hmm, sounds kind of confident but might be creepy weirdo guy. Like might just be an act. So instead of her saying, oh, hey, what's going on? She's gonna say, oh, is that your pickup line? And confident guy is gonna be like, ah, that's really cute. But guy that's faking, it's gonna be like, yes, no. Very, very simple test to know which guy you are. The problem with that is if you don't know how to handle those shit tests come in really one or two forms. They always come in the form of something where yes is a bad answer and no is a bad answer. Remember when we were on the playground, fourth grade, and we were like, hey, John, hey, were your parents found out you were gay? Did they accept you or did they shun you? It's called a double bind, right? You're screwed either way. There's no right answer to that. That's the form shit tests come into. So as a result, they're really hard to figure out what the right answer is because both of the forced choices that they give you are wrong, okay? So after failing shit tests for like two years straight and going, I am tired of failing so over and I just don't know what to say. My wingman and I said, all right, we're gonna write down our best responses. We're gonna write down the shit test on one card and the best response on the other one, on the other side and we're gonna drill those until we got them. And that's what I used to get over it. And as I got better, I revised those responses to get better and better and better. And what I did is I created 50 cards that has all of the common shit tests you guys are gonna get in field. All those difficult questions, when you hold my drink, you think that girl is hot. How old are you? We're busy. I like your body. You wish. You say that to all the girls. Sound kind of familiar? We've all gotten something like this. If you guys have been failing that repeatedly over and over again, that's what these are here for, okay? And on the back, you've got the answers. So if a girl says, you're not funny, you can say, your face is not funny, okay? If a girl says, are you gay? You say, no, but my boyfriend is, okay? They have answers to all the common shit tests, okay? So I've got a bunch of them here and I'm gonna give away two of them, okay? So I'm gonna have Anthony coordinate a raffle and we're gonna give away two of these. Anthony, do you wanna do those afterward? Great, great. So we'll give away two of these, okay? The other thing is for all of you guys, this is called the infield checklist, okay? And these are cards I've had made that I actually started out with a three by five index card. When I was infield, I never knew what the next step was. I never knew what to do next, I was always lost. Like, what do I do after this? What do I do next? What's the next piece of that puzzle? And so I had an index card that I used to carry around infield and have little notes on them. Sometimes I would even take them out infield, right? Like if you're sitting down with a girl, I'm like, what's next? Okay, yeah, yeah, so, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, you can actually do that because even if she reads this, she's gonna say, what does isolate and qualify mean? It doesn't mean anything to her, okay? You can even show her, okay, this is what I'm gonna do next. I'm gonna time bridge here and then I'm gonna show vulnerability, whatever, okay? But this right here, you put in your wallets. Right here, it's showing your infield checklist and these are gonna be at the back during the break. Your infield checklist right here and it's gonna be a step-by-step structure of exactly what you need to do in field so that you don't skip steps. Like, oh, shoot, it likes me. I don't need to qualify five hours later in the bedroom. Why am I getting so much LMR? Because you skip that step. You can't skip a lot of these steps. This is gonna prevent that. For those of you guys running out of things to say, on the right side, there's a list of things to memorize for when you run out of things to say. Little things that'll buy you some time. On the back, you've got a quote that I used to use, that I wrote down, that I used to use to help myself get over the approaching anxiety. Whenever I had that anxiety and I was in my head and I was like, I don't, I can't do this, I can't do this. I would read that quote. This is what it says. Are you here to get the girl or are you here to get the skill? Skill, right? Then does a rejection really matter? Will it impact your life tomorrow? Are you afraid of something tangible and likely to occur or is it all in your head? And are you going to let this come between you and your goals? Whenever I read that, I would say, no, absolutely not. This is a stupid thing to come between me and my goals and I would put this back in my pocket and I would go. These are going to be at the back free charge for you guys. For those that want it. Okay, we're also going to give away one free, for those of you guys, by the way, the congruence test flashcards right here. I want to make these available for 20 pounds. These are normally about $70. And for someone's already purchased them already. So if you're in this room, let me know and I'll hook you up. These are going to be available for 20 pounds. These are normally $70. Obviously, today only. These will be at the back. When you purchase these though, you're going to be entered into a raffle. The guys, anyone who picks up a copy of these, who invest in themselves, will be entered into a raffle. We're going to pick one guy out of that raffle and he's going to get a free admission into the workshop, the seminar portion of our boot camp next weekend. All right, and in the spirit of showing my support for the 21 convention, Anthony's been a great fan of mine, I mean a great friend of mine, and fan, and fan. In the spirit of showing my support, especially for those of you guys that are here and those of you guys that are at home watching this, you guys already know that you guys have missed out. Hopefully I will see you next year. But for those of you guys in the room, I want to thank you guys for your support to the convention, to me, to Anthony and to all of you. All of you guys continuing to improve your lives. My name's DJ Fuji. Thank you guys.