 Lux presents Hollywood. Lever Brothers Company, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, bring you the Lux Radio Theater, starring Paul Douglas and Marina O'Hara in Father Was a Fullback with Betty Lynn. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. If in the spring a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love, so in the fall his heart goes out to the poor football coach whose team can't win games. But even as you and your neighbor, the coach has other problems that go on all year long. For instance, the adventure of raising a family. And when the family includes a daughter who has a certain amount of difficulty attracting a boyfriend, well, it's apt to be a hit-motion picture. We hear this side of the coach's life tonight in the 20th Century Fox comedy success Father Was a Fullback. In her original role, we have a lovely lady whose vivid beauty always brightens this stage, Miss Marina O'Hara. Co-starring with her as the coach who is without fame in his own house, is a comedian whose rapid rise to stardom is unique even in this fabulous city, Mr. Paul Douglas. And as the daughter, we present Miss Betty Lynn, the same talented young actress you saw on the screen. You know, I'm sure none of the young ladies of our audience need to be coached on the advantage of Luxe toilet soap. After seeing close-ups of their favorite stars on the screen, they know that Luxe soap complexion care is the right beauty care for them. Now, here's the first act of Father Was a Fullback, starring Paul Douglas as George and Marina O'Hara as Liz, with Betty Lynn as Connie. It's Saturday, late afternoon, and Good Old State University has lost another football game. The third disastrous loss in a row. Coach George Cooper, weary and dejected, has gone home. Hello, darling. Oh, you must be dead. I don't know if I am Liz or just wish I were. Well, we can always go back and coach the team at Elm Tree High. I wouldn't bet on it. Any phone calls? The usual, dear. They all know exactly what's wrong with the team and how to correct it. Oh, don't worry, George. We can always prove we're good losers. Good. We're darn near perfect. If you'll excuse me, I intend to lie here in a dead faint until dinner time. You could use some rest and quiet. I could use a new backfield and a 250-pound line to say nothing of a big fat aspirin. Doorbells. Sit still, Geraldine will get it. Take it easy, take it easy. Good evening, Mr. Cooper, home yet? He's all pooped out in the parlor, Mr. Jessup. Thank you. George. Oh, hello, George. Oh, good evening, Mrs. Cooper. Hello, Mr. Jessup. Oh, I'll get it, Geraldine. Probably another member of the alumni. Oh, no offense, Mr. Jessup. Now, George, you understand I don't want to criticize. I know, Jess, but as president of the Alumni Association... Exactly. They don't understand the problem. They won't let me alone, George. Three games, three losses. That's not good. I can't win games without material and getting my material is your job. The alumni does its best. What about this kid I've heard so much about, Hercules Smith? Well, we... Here you've got a local boy at Valley High School, the greatest potential quarterback in years. Did you nail him for state you? No. We tried, George. We certainly tried. But it seems that Hercules Smith is definitely set on no today. Anyway, we've got to win a football game in soon. Now, Nebraska's having a bad year. You've got a good chance of taking that. We play Santa Clara before Nebraska. Oh, Santa Clara's a much smaller school. With a much bigger line. All right, then. Play it open and watch it close. Yeah. Well, we'll talk about it some more on Monday. So long, Coop. Good night, Mrs. Cooper. Oh, good night, Mr. Jessup. Can I come in now, Coach? I just told you, Ellen. Daddy's tired out. Oh, I'll just be in a minute. Do you have to skate in? Look, Pop, I just got home. And where'd you get that black eye? Oh, a few and a fuzzin'. You should be proud of me, Pop. I was defending your honor. You were what? Well, Corky Nielsen said that not-head couldn't coach a grade school team, meaning you, Pop. Yes, I assumed as much. And I said, dig a home, all that not-head could, too. Also meaning you, dear. Thank you, Ellen. Oh, any time, Pop. Now get cleaned up for dinner, dear, and no roller skates at the table. Roger. Please have my dinner set up to my room on a train. Connie, don't you feel well? I simply intend to stay in my room alone for the entire weekend when I have to go back to school. But until then, please, may I have all my meals on a train? Now, look, the score was only 33 to nothing. There are more important things in life than football, Father. Oh, if any mail should come for me from confession stories, please have it sent up to me, unopened. There's very rarely any mail on Saturday night or Sunday, dear. Well, maybe they'll send it special delivery. Has she been writing those stories again? No, dear, the same one she wrote last spring. She's just tired of being rejected, that's all. Rejected? By the magazines? By the boys. Connie, you get ready and come right down to dinner. Geraldine has enough to do without carrying trays. I have got to have privacy. You can have all the privacy you want after dinner. With the people in this house, how can you expect understanding? What the devil's wrong with that girl? Her PQ is in a nosedive. Her what? Personality quotient. That means she's got a low-hooper rating with the wolves of this town. Oh, it's just adolescence, George. Connie lived through it. Yes, the question is, will we? I only know that if I ever have another child, it'll be a government project. Huh? Oh, the Department of Public Health or something. I'll get every pamphlet they print and raise the next one scientifically. Mr. Guilfoyle Coach, class of 22. He's got some bright thoughts for you on how to beat Nebraska. Helen, they just rode me out of town on a rail. Okay, on a rail. I'll talk to him, Geraldine. Oh, I should enter the diplomatic corps. Why don't you write the coach a letter, Mr. Guilfoyle? The coach just loves to get suggestions. Hiya, Mr. Cooper. Hello, Geraldine. You got home safe again, huh? Nobody took a shot at me if that's what you mean. That's what I mean. Soup spot on, Coach. Thanks, I'll go upstairs and get Connie. Connie! Come in, Father, if you must. Constance, now you listen to me. You're my father, Father. You knew I didn't wish to be disturbed, but if you have something to say to me, I shall listen. What on earth is the matter with you? What's wrong? I'm in the lowest classification a girl could fall to, Father. I'm... I'm chintzy. Chintzy? Is that bad? Bad! Oh, Father, it's the end. Connie, it's time you and I talk some plain, unadulterated common sense. The only classification I'm interested in is your relationship with this family. You're one of four of us. Therefore, you're entitled to only one fourth of the tantrums around here. Do you understand? Tantrums? Is that what you think of me? What else do you want me to think? I come home for a little peace and quiet. And do I get a little peace and quiet? No. All I get are problems and problems about girls at that. You always wanted a boy, didn't you, Father? You were sorry I turned out to be a girl, weren't you? No, Connie, you know that isn't true. Oh, I'm sorry I let you down, Father. I'm sorry I wasn't a potential tackle. Oh, Connie, for heaven's sake, darling, listen to me. I'm not sorry. You're a girl. You're a wonderful girl. You're young and attractive. Well, you've got everything except maybe a passing grade in Latin. I'm a complete and utter mess. That's what I am. Well, you know such things. I'm just gruesome. In high school, when the boys look at me, they practically get sick of their stomachs. Connie, darling, that's ridiculous. Why, before you know it, you'll have dozens of men at your feet, groveling, pleading for a kind word. Don't, Father. Don't do this to yourself. The only thing I want to do to myself is feed my face. Now get up off that bed and come down to dinner at once. Connie, please come down to dinner. I can't. I just can't. I guess Connie isn't coming down after all. Did you come and sense her, Pop? Just concentrate on your soup, Ellen, and don't suck it. Drink it. Liz, we, uh, we gotta be especially nice to Connie. Something is wrong with her. Connie's a pill. You sign off. Ain't a failure coming down? She's, uh, not feeling well, Geraldine. She needs a lot of rest and privacy. She needs a quick belt on the chops. Geraldine. Okay, I'll bring her a tray. Exercise will do me good. Nothing heavy, Geraldine. Just a poached egg. Eggs, eggs, humanist, corny jokes. What? Not you, dear. The grocer, Pop. Shilts. Shilts? He sent us goose eggs instead of hen's eggs. Says goose eggs is more fit than for the coach's diet. Ha, ha. I don't want to get you down, Mr. Cooper. He's just burned on account of I won two bucks off him on today's game. Well, good for you, Geraldine. Pop, put Geraldine's bed on the other team. Finish your soup. Pop, is Connie going to church tomorrow or just sitting in a room? Let's wait till tomorrow and find out, shall we? I know, I'm sure going to church and I'm going to pray for Pop. That's very sweet of you, dear. You bet. For a whole new backfield and an end who can catch passes. And we were very happy to have you come to church with us, Connie. But would you mind telling me something? What is it, Father? What made you run away from us just now? Far be it from me to humiliate you, Father. What? Oh, it was quite obvious you were all ashamed of me. Oh, Connie. Not that I blame you, Father. Blame me for what? For not introducing me to those men you were talking to. What men? The remnants of your football team, darling. But I was just saying hello to the boys. Am I supposed to introduce her to half the state you team, a church? Of course not, Father. Pardon me if I walk on ahead. She's a creep. Ellen, is that a nice thing to say? Don't you like your sister? Well, sure I like her blessed pointed little head, but she's still a creep. You be nice to her, you hear me? Okay. Hey, Connie. Isn't it obvious that I prefer to walk through life alone? Oh, I got news for you. Somebody asked for you back there in church. Who? You mean you didn't see him? He was Devoon. Simply Devoon. Oh, you're making it up. I am not. He even asked me your name. Well, who was he? What's his name? His name? Of course you're making it up. Oh, yeah? Well, his name happens to be Joe. Joe Birch, and he asked for our phone number. He's going to give you a buzz, so there. Father, how can you let her do this to me? Ridicule me and lie to me. All right, she's lying. You come back here and walk with us, Ellen. Very well, Father. What's wrong with that girl? Nothing, dear. She's just going through a phase. Next time, Liz, couldn't we just have a nice, quiet, cocker spaniel? They shed. How are you going, dear? I want to know something first. Are you sure a young man in church was asking about Connie? For heaven's sake, Liz, Connie doesn't exactly have two heads, you know. Of course he was asking about her, right, Ellen? It was a big, fat lie. Why did you do that? Well, you said I should be nice to Connie. Anyway, it probably gave her a thrift. I give up. Poor Connie. She certainly is getting an inferiority complex. Say, Coach, some Mr. Feneke called class of 07. He's got a shovel play for next week's game. Tell Mr. Feneke to take his shovel play and... I told him. Thanks. I'll be out in the porch, Liz. Oh, hello, Sully. You feel like raking leaves? I've got an extra rake. Thanks. Just you wait, Sully. Just you wait. Wait for what? Till your daughter Daphne gets as old as my daughter Connie. Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about Connie. Is she sick or something? Well, not according to Liz. Oh, just at that age, huh? Well, it's probably very simple, Coupe. Connie's got her mind on boys, that's all. She thinks like Madame Pompadour, feels like Lana Turner, and looks like Connie Cooper. Right. But what do I do about it? Oh, be sympathetic. Encourage her to go out with the boys. She doesn't need encouragement. The boys do, like this, uh, Joe Birch character. Uh, Joe Birch? Well, there isn't any Joe Birch. Ellen made him up to make Connie feel better. Oh, hey, hey, that's a great idea. Oh, sure, except Connie didn't believe it. Well, Coupe, this may sound silly, but if I were you, I'd go down to the drugstore, phone Connie, and say that you're Joe Birch. Yeah. Why, it'd tickle her pain. Oh, but she'd recognize my voice. Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what about you? Hey, why don't you call her? Me? Oh, now, wait a second. She's not my daughter. She's your daughter. Yeah, she sure is. Oh, well, maybe I'll think of something. See you later, Sully. Yeah, while you're thinking, dream up a play that'll score you a touchdown. George would be so happy to see you. He's there in the living room taking a nap. Oh, George, dear. George, wake up. Mr. Jessup. Oh, thanks already. Mr. Jessup, dear. Oh, how are you, Jessup? Great. Simply great. I hope I'm not disturbing you, Coupe, but this couldn't wait till tomorrow. Mr. Jessup has a new play for the Santa Clara game. Mrs. Cooper, how did you know? Woman's intuition. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Now, just look at this, George. It's a razzle-dazzle play, and I put it all down on paper for you. Oh, it's a sweetheart. Simply great. Well? Well, the only thing is... Now, George, you've got to use this play next Saturday. Santa Clara won't know what's happening to him. Isn't that nice, George? The coast just loves getting suggestions, Mr. Jessup. Now, listen carefully, George. As you can see, it's not too easy to execute. It starts with a modified T-formation. The ends cheated out like this, you see. Oh, I'll get it, Liz. Hello? Pitchin' what? Why, you... Hey, just hang on, I'll call her. Who's it for, dear? Oh, for Kearney, naturally. Our older daughter's very popular, Jess. Oh, whoever wants her. Well, it sounds like somebody at the corner drugstore. Huh? Kearney! And just how does somebody at the corner drugstore sound? Yes, father. Another phone call for you, dear. What? Look, George, I can only stay a moment. Oh, sure, Jess. Now, the ball is snapped back to the quarterback who pulls a spinner. It's probably Betty. Let me know if two parts per oxide in one part or more and you really make a gray streak or not. I think gray streaks are terribly distinguished, don't you, Mother? Oh, terribly, especially on a child your age. Yes. Now, the fullback crosses and takes it on the right. Hello? Hello. The fullback lodged it across the field with both halfbacks behind him. Who? Mother, it's a boy. Who? The fullback. No, then he shoves it back to the left halfback. I think he said his name was Joe Birch. The fullback? Joe, but... Then Ellen was telling the truth. George, we've got to do something about that child. She's even lying now about her lying. Honestly? Well, that's awfully nice of you, Mr. Birch. What? You're a freshman? But you sound so terribly mature and everything. Mother, he's a college man. Well, isn't that... Well, it so happens I haven't a thing to do this afternoon. I did have a tentative date, but I broke it. Can I ask him, Mother? Oh, certainly, darling. Elizabeth, no, no, Connie, I forbid it. But now, really, George. It's 689 Miller Road, Mr. Birch, right off the campus. And I'm going to hang up right now so you can't say no. Goodbye. Oh, Mother. Easy does it, darling. Well, Coop, what do you think of the play? Some razzle-dazzle, huh? Elizabeth, this Joe Birch might be a juvenile delinquent or something. Oh, don't be silly, George. The only trouble with the play is it requires seven passes. They're only little passes, but there are seven of them. Will you help me, Mother? I've simply got to change my dress. Maybe you'd like to study this. I'm just trying to help, George. It might win for a Saturday. Something's got to. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait a second, Jess. I'll walk out with you, Liz. Yes, dear. I'll be right back. I just want to see Sully for a minute. Now, look, Sully, I appreciate your calling, Connie, but are you nuts? Did you have to make a date with her? A date? I didn't make any dates. Yes, you did. No, but Coop, I hung up. I heard Daphne come in, so I hung up. Maybe you hung up, but Connie didn't. Joe Birch has a date with her this afternoon. She told him so. Oh, that's awful. Is there something I can do? No, no, of course not. That was a crazy idea calling her in the first place. I'll think of something, my hope. Soon, Alan, so don't go away. Oh, hello, Coop. Hi. Pop, is Mr. Sullivan going to college? Don't bother your father with silly questions, dear. You know Mr. Sullivan is a professor. Well, Daphne just told me that she just heard her father gurgling on the phone like a worn-out wolf, telling somebody that he's a freshman in college. Oh, but Alan, that's the most ridiculous... George Cooper. Daphne thinks she ought to tell her mother. George, you didn't. Father's little helper, aren't you, Alan? Oh, no, no, you couldn't... But Liz, you said yourself it's what Connie needed. My intentions were... Oh, my poor darling up there full of goosebumps about some boy who isn't even going to happen. Well, she's my poor darling too. You said yourself ego and adolescence. Which is difficult enough for Connie without having her father completely foul her up. Gee! That's enough out of you. Go to your room. Well, the only thing to do is tell her. And the sooner the better. No, no, no, Liz, don't do it. And why should we continue this disgraceful deception? Well, because she's happy with her goosebumps. Let her keep me. Connie's happy over something that isn't going to last. Are you afraid to tell her the truth? George, you're a coward. Yes, I am. The longer we put off telling her the truth, the longer she'll be happy. All right, I did it. I'll tell her. I'll tell her just as soon as... just as soon as I get up the courage. Very well. At least I can try and prepare. Here you are, Mr. Cooper. What's that? Two fingers of straight courage. Thanks. Before we return with Act Two, Father was a fullback. Here's Libby Collins, our Hollywood reporter. Libby, have you seen Betty Hutton in the hit musical Andy Get Your Gun? Well, Mr. Keely, I went out to met with Golden Maier while they were filming it. But I'm dying to see the finished production. It's in technicolor, you know. Yes, indeed. You know, the story of Annie Oakley has real drama as well as adventure. And Betty Hutton gives it all the zest and vitality it deserves. And there's a brand new star, Howard Keel. In the part of Frank Butler, he brings romance and a wonderful voice to this sparkling musical. Louis Calhoun as Buffalo Bill and Edward Arnold as Pawnee Bill certainly prove that there's no business like show business. Why, Mr. Keely, that's the title of my favorite song in the picture. Well, it's rather hard to choose from all the famous Irving Berlin tunes in the picture. And Betty Hutton really knows how to put over a song. She's never had a better background for her talents than in Annie Get Your Gun. A Wild West show, trick riders, Indian raids. This MGM picture is one excitement after another. And that includes Betty, the human dynamite. Well, she's continuously exciting, John. She's so enthusiastic about everything she does. And always so radiantly good-looking. A beauty age she depends on is Lux Toilet Soap. She's keen about that new bath size cake. The bath size Lux Toilet Soap is made to please lovely stars like Betty. It's as luxurious as a soap can be. Betty tells me there's nothing more refreshing than a Lux Soap beauty bath, especially after one of those dance routines. Gives her skin all over Lux Loveliness. So quickly. That creamy, abundant lather does the trick. Yes, it leaves skin feeling soft and smooth, beautifully fresh. And screen stars love the delicate perfume Lux Soap has. A flower-like fragrance that lasts. Yes, for lovely arms and shoulders, for all over complexion beauty, this satin smooth bath cake is the choice of women everywhere. Your store is featuring Lux Toilet Soap now. Be sure to put both the bath and the complexion size on your shopping list. Try the Beauty Soap 9 out of 10 screen stars use. Fragrant white Lux Toilet Soap. Now, our producer, Mr. William Keely. Act 2 of Father was a fullback starring Marino Jara as Liz, Paul Douglas as George, with Betty Lynn as Connie. Connie Cooper still doesn't know that Joe Birch, the young man she thinks she has a date with, simply doesn't exist. Now, in her prettiest dress, her face look glow. Connie comes downstairs to await his arrival. I just can't believe it, mother, to think you'll be here any minute. Now, Connie, calm down, dear. The chances already won't even show up. Won't even show up. Say, just look at you. You certainly are something to make your old dad proud. Oh, you're not so old daddy. He will be by tomorrow. Mother. When Mr. Birch comes, do you think I ought to be sort of leaning languishly over a chair sort of? I think your father ought to be leaning languishly over the piano bench for a good, swift kick. Now, Liz, I told you it wasn't my fault. My intentions were the best. I'd hate to see them at their worst. I don't understand this conversation at all. Darling, the time has come for your father to make a confession. Liz, for heaven's sake, have a heart. High time, George. All right, then. Connie. Yes, dad? Connie, I... I think maybe you better start calling me father again. Something's wrong. It was just one of those accidents of fate. Mother. No, darling. Well, maybe I can explain it this way. You see, Connie, in your case, straight line play wasn't working. So your poor old father thought he'd get into the game with a deception play. Father, what are you talking about? Well, I... I'll get it. Oh, no, no. I'll get it. Mother, I'm petrified. Now, dear, it's just Professor Sullivan. Professor Sullivan? Yes? Well, I got here. I'm Joe Birch. Joe Birch? I'm... I mean... Joe Birch? Well, don't you know about it? Professor Sullivan said... Take it easy. I mean, where'd you come from? Well, all Sundays I work in a service station. See where he gets his gas. Professor Sullivan, he says for five bucks while I come over here and say I'm Joe Birch and visit with some dame. Well... Joe Birch, come in. Come in. Connie's waiting for you. This is your father's idea of a Joe... Yes, sir. Joe, we've been expecting you. How are things, Joe? Well, Connie, I want you to meet one of your admirers, Joe. This is my daughter, Connie. How do you do? Hi. George, what on earth are you up to? Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Joe, this is Connie's mother. Hello? How do you do, Mr. Birch? You, uh... Are Mr. Birch? Of course he's Mr. Birch, dear. But, George... Sit down, Joe. You'll excuse me, won't you? I have to run the pictures of yesterday's game. Boy, you sure took a shellac in it. Yes. Well, uh, nice to see you, Joe. Glad to have met you, Mr. Birch. Yeah, likewise. And just where did you dig him up? What do you mean, dig him up? Looks like a very nice fella. I said where, George? Well, Sully got him. But isn't it wonderful? Connie's first date. I don't like it, and I'm warning you. If anything goes wrong, I... Oh, Liz, stop it. Well, you're nothing's gonna go wrong. Come on, now, read the Sunday paper. Relax. Well, Mr. Birch, I, uh... Oh, I'm sorry. Are you about to say something? No. Oh. You know what? You know what? Oh, I'm sorry. You tell me. Well, um... I, uh... I was only gonna say that you're not as bad as I... I mean you're much prettier than I expected, considering the deal. I, uh... I mean even prettier. You know? No. Well, I mean, um... you sure got it, girl. Honestly? Well... that's an awfully nice thing to say. Yeah. I, um... I thought you'd have a moustache. No, I haven't. Well, I only thought... You're tough to grow. Believe me. Oh, I believe you, Mr. Birch. Yes? Nothing. Shall, um... shall we just sit here and chat? Yeah. It's okay by me. It's better than wiping windshields. I'm just saying. I've never thought of it that way before. You know, Mr. Birch, it's always been one of my very... You see, Liz, they're getting along fine. Just fine. Well, I'm not budging till he comes out. Oh, for heaven's sake. Coach, coach, I got one. Where's Connie? In the living room and get away from that door. But I got a surprise for her. This way, Porky. Well, come on, Porky. Get in here. My name's Joe Birch. I saw you in church. I'm a freshman. Are you Connie Cooper? Ellen, no, no. We got one already. Get this kid out of here. Oh, my poor darling. I said just what you told me to, Ellen. But how'd that other fella get in here? Liz, I didn't know Ellen was going to get in. I certainly wish you'd tell me these things, Pa. Blackmail. Oh, Mother, how could you let them do this to me? Now, don't get upset, darling. That there's just been a mistake. That's all. I'll say. When Professor Sullivan hired me, he didn't say there was going to be more than one. Blackmail and Bark. Yes. I'm Joe Birch, the college man. Hey, look, you. Hiya, Sailor. I come like he said, Geraldine. Oh, no. Not another one. I was just trying to help, coach. Thanks very much. I guess you're too late, Pete. The position's been filled. How about tonight, you and me, huh? Ah, go away. George Cooper. I hold you entirely responsible. I hope you realize you've given Connie a complex. Her psyche will be scarred from this as long as she lives. Have you seen mine lately? State University team leaves for Santa Clara game. Coach Cooper confident of victory against Santa Clara. Santa Clara blank state U-13 to nothing. Birch predicts state U to beat Nebraska. Cooper confident of victory against Nebraska. Nebraska whip state U-7 to 6. You must be tired out, darling. Well, we'll be home in a few minutes. Just sit back and relax. Oh, um, how's the trip? Don't ask. Kids all right, honey? Oh, fine. Connie? I think she's about recovered from that Joe Birch disaster. Well, she's got a little surprise for you. I let her redecorate her room all by herself. How much did that cost? Only $76. George, dear, you've got to realize that Connie is entering a very delicate period. Yeah, so am I. If I don't win a football game, that 76 fish is gonna come in mighty handy when we're slowly starving to death. After all, George, it was your fault the whole thing happened. But what has Joe Birch got to do with Connie's room? Well, having been snobbed by society, Connie's decided to express her personality in a career. What kind of a career? She hasn't told me yet. Uh, George, I'm sorry about the Nebraska game. Yeah. Virginia next week, huh? At home. Oh, I do hope you win, George. Oh, by the way, isn't that an alumni dinner the same night? Please don't remind me. Super welcome home. Hello, Geraldine. How are you? I'm beat to the socks. Oh, boy, that game on Saturday. Did I sweat out the last quarter of that clam bake? I had two bucks riding. Sorry you lost, Geraldine. She didn't lose, dear. Now look, Geraldine. I'm about as broad-minded as they come. But do you think it's loyal to take the money I pay you and bet against me? What's so wrong, you, when I should bet on you and lose the shirt off my back? Well, Geraldine, the money is hers. Gives a man a feeling he's nursing a serpent in his bosom or something. Look, Mr. Cooper, a buck is a buck. Father. Hi, honey, how are you? Oh, I'm quite well, Father, thank you. Hi, Coach. Hello, Alan. Just look at Connie's room. Well, quite a change. But for $76, isn't this a little stark? I spent most of the money for the tools of my trade. Oh, what are you going to be, a monk? Well, the fact is, Father, I'm dedicating myself to literature. Oh. I hope you'll excuse me now. I was just about to start my story. Go right ahead, honey. I'll drop in on you later. Can I watch you, Connie? Can I? Well, for a minute. What are you going to write about this time? More true confessions? No, because I never did hear from my dancing story. This time I'm going to write real-life stories. There's just one difficulty. There is? Yes. In order to write about real life, you have to draw on something secret and sinful in your past. It says so in the writer's handbook. And, of course, the title has to immediately get the reader's interest. How do you like, I was a bigamist? It doesn't get my interest. Well, how about, I was a mother at 15. But you don't know the first thing about it. I could find out, couldn't I? I mean by writing and asking questions. Who would tell you anything like that? By the government, of course. Hey, maybe you're right. I heard mom say if she ever had another one, it'd be strictly between her and the United States government. Oh, of course. That's a wonderful idea. Now run along, dearer. I'll be very busy for quite a while. Gentlemen, during this really great football game, scores still nothing to nothing with only three minutes remaining. It states 12, second down on about six yards to go. Please listen to me. Not now, Jess. I'm trying to watch the game. But now's the time. Now, here's where you've got to use the razzle dazzle. If you don't use that play, now you're crazy. Jess, for the love of Mike, go and get lost. What? You heard me get out of here before they carry out. Well, well, I must say... Hello, Sully. Oh, that was a good game, Coupe. The best all year, but where are you going? I thought I'd try and sneak out the south gate before Jessup and the vigilantes get a posse together. Well, why? What's wrong? Apart from losing. She tugged at my sleeve and I blew my top. Yeah, that wasn't smart. I know. Well, phone him later and apologize. No, I said too much and too loud. Yeah, it's better than beach combing. Besides, Jessup probably feels silly about it. That was a great game, Coupe. Tell that to the alumni tonight. Yeah, I'll be glad to. Those boys of yours played as good footballers. They're capable of playing. They played better than they're capable of playing, but it wasn't enough. That's not your fault. Your job is to teach and tell you. You can't play for them. Thanks, Sully. Well, I mean, after all, Virginia won on a fluke. Anybody who kicks a field going the last 10 seconds of play from the 45-yard line, I mean... Well, I mean, after all... I bet you're kind animals, too, aren't you? Well, come on, Sully, right home with me and I'll buy you a drink. You just twisted my arm, coach. Let's go. It looks like we're the only ones home, Sully, and it also looks as if the mailman's been here. Holy smoke, look. Well... Mrs. George Cooper, Mrs. George Cooper, Mrs. George... Look at this, Sully, all for Liz from Washington. What's your wife doing, running for Congress? It's a steadier job than coaching. Hey, hey, you're not going to read Elizabeth's mail, are you? Why not? It's better than reading my own. Huh? What in the world? Hey, Sully, look. Facts about the care of infants. And this, another pamphlet, what every new mother should know. New mother. It can't be Elizabeth. Oh, look at the envelope it says, Mrs. George Cooper, doesn't it? Well, what do you know? Your newborn baby. My newborn baby. Well, maybe you and Elizabeth have secrets from each other. Oh, I just can't... Like, why wouldn't Liz tell me? Well, maybe she just wants a surprise. A thing like fatherhood is nothing to surprise a man with. Well, don't get sore, Cool. Sore, I'm delighted. It's wonderful. Well, I'm going home and tell my wife it might stir some ambition in her. Yeah, tell her. Yeah, I'll take a rain check. I know, Jess. I was too nervous, upset. You see, I'm going to have a baby. I mean... I mean, Liz is going to have a baby. Well... Yeah, I know. Yeah, you haven't forgotten about making a speech tonight. Oh, no, no, I haven't forgotten. See you in a couple of hours, Jess. Liz! Oh, sorry, I'm late, darling. I just stopped off at the market. You wonderful, wonderful woman. Why, Mr. Cooper... Oh, darling, come on in here and sit right down. What a day. What a day, sweetheart. From these tired eyes, it looked as if Virginia won that game. The heck with Virginia? It's you I'm talking about. You and us and everything. George, do you feel all right? Liz, why didn't you tell me? Tell you why. Oh, you're going to be cute, huh? Well, the least you could have done was warn me and needed a booty or something. Oh, George, are you under the impression that I... that I'm on the nest? Liz, you're the most wonderful woman I ever married. Oh, true, darling. But I'm not going to have a baby. I couldn't be happier whilst... you're not? Uh-uh. But Liz, you gotta. I mean, I told Jess if Sully knows and I... Okay, okay, I'll talk to my husband about it. No, I mean the pamphlets. What pamphlets? Those pamphlets you ordered from the government of the United States. Here, look at them, all addressed to you. Liz, this is no time to play games. But I didn't send for those pamphlets. Well, who did? Oh, probably one of the children. When I was a sprout, I was always sending for things like what every young girl should know. Did you ever find out? Now, look, George. Ella, is that you, dear? In a minute, Mom. What's that you've got? Oh, it's for Connie. She's all doubled up like a bullfrog. She feels just awful. Who? Connie, Pop. Connie? Oh, give it to me, Ellen. I'll take it right up to her. Liz, it couldn't be. Those things were addressed to you, not her. Oh, they came, huh? Connie sent away for them. These pamphlets? Oh, no. She used Mom's name because she didn't think it would look right for that kind of stuff to be sent to a Miss Cooper. Oh, George. Oh, my gosh, my little Connie. Oh, my poor little girl. Before we bring you act three, Father was a fullback. Here's our very young guest of the evening, Miss Leslie Gay. Leslie, though only 15, is being tested at 20th Century Fox Studios. But, meanwhile, you're not neglecting your schoolwork, Leslie? No, Mr. Keely. My sister Debra and I have been going to the schoolhouse in the studio lot for a year. I'm used to combining stage and school. You see, my whole family's in the theater. I've been on the stage since I was nine. Your main interest is singing and dancing, isn't it? Oh, yes. And I dream of doing a musical comedy part someday. I could be half as wonderful as Betty Gravel. Mm-hmm. Then you must have enjoyed seeing Warbash Avenue, Betty's latest Technicolor musical. You know, in a way, the plot tells Betty's own story and might predict a similar one for you, Leslie. A young and unknown actress rises to the top in the entertainment field. Warbash Avenue is a delightful picture, Mr. Keely. The romance between Victor Mature and Betty Gravel and Phil Harris playing his rival and how adorable Betty is with that shining blonde hair and a simply heavenly complexion. Well, Leslie, that Luxe complexion of Betty Gravel's is famous. Every time I see Betty Gravel, I tell myself, it's Luxe soap care for me. That's a smart beauty result for any girl to make. Luxe soap facials are quick and easy, but they really work. Of course. That's why so many famous stars say they'd never be without Luxe toilet soap. Recent tests by skin specialists prove how effective daily facials with Luxe soap's active lather can be. In actually three out of four cases, complexions became softer, smoother, in a short time. Thank you, Leslie Gay, for coming tonight. Now, here's a suggestion to every woman who wants lovely her skin. Try gentle white Luxe toilet soap. See for yourself why nine out of ten screen stars use Luxe toilet soap. We pause now for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. You're listening to Same Time, Same Station, the best of old-time radio. And I'm your host, Jerry Hendigas. The curtain rises on Act 3 of Father Was a Fold Bag, starring Paul Douglas as George, Marina Harrah as Liz, with Betty Lynn as Connie. At the George Cooper residence, things are still in a state of imminent disaster. But poor old George has had to rush away. An alumni dinner's in progress, and George is expected to make a very important speech. And now, gentlemen, it affords me great pleasure to call upon the head coach of state's great football... of state's football team. Our own coop. George, what's the matter with you? I've just introduced you. Snap out of it, man. Oh, introduce me. Gentlemen, I'd like to... Excuse me, Mr. Cooper, but you weren't on the phone. Your wife's, sir, important. Thanks. Pardon me, gentlemen. I'll be right back. Oh, yeah. But I can't hear you. I thought you said hospital. That's just what I'd be cued into, Jess, June. She's got a cute what? Oh, well, well, he's back again. All right, Coop, the floor is yours. Jess, isn't it wonderful? They're pumping her stomach now. What are you talking about? Coop, what's the matter? Your speech. Speech? Oh, yeah, speech. I'm sorry to have run out on you, gentlemen. Little crisis at home, but it's all straightened out now. Well, we've had a rough year, all right. I don't have any alibis. The boys played their hearts out, and I tried too. But we've got to have better material next year. We've got to get kids like this local boy, Hercules Smith, the highest-scoring high school quarterback in the country. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking maybe next year you ought to have someone else coaching. Oh, gentlemen, I'll be frank. I like it here. What about next Saturday, Coop? What about Tulane? Yes, that's our big game. And I know that any year we beat Tulane is a good year no matter what's gone before. I'll make you a promise, gentlemen. We're going to take Tulane. And just how are you going to do it, Coop? I can't tell you that, Mr. Higgins. You might be scouting for Tulane. But I've got a surprise up my sleeve. A surprise when I've been saving. And when we hit Tulane's 30-yard line, we're going all the way. We're going to fight and we're going to win. Good, good, good. That's telling him, Coop. You keep that promise and I'll keep everything else under control if you know what I mean. Thanks, Jess. Thanks. Where's the mail, Ellen? Anything for me? I had to hide it under my sweater. Here. Daddy didn't see it. Well, almost. Hasn't he left for the football game? Not yet he hasn't. I'm getting awful tired having to smuggle you ejection slips up to your room, Connie. But I told you, mother and father might not approve of the type of literature I've been writing. Neither do the magazines. All I ask for is to be left alone. Holy smoke, Ellen. Look. Look, a check for $180. For my dancing story we never heard from. Oh, it's a gag. Oh, it is. Listen to this. Dear Miss Cooper, we enclose our check for $180 in payment for your story which is appearing in the current issue of our magazine. Gee, Connie, your own true confession. Oh, Ellen, quick. Run down to the drug store and get a coffee. Take a quarter from behind Gregory Peck's picture. Oh, my own name and print. Oh, and don't you dare say a word to mother or father. You're not telling we're living with an author? Father absolutely forbade me to do anything again without consulting him. Of course, I wrote this before I promised, but, well, he's not very understanding sometimes. Roger Dodger, Connie, I won't say a word. No, but I heard her. She tore out of this house like a tornado. We've got to do something about that child. She's full of adrenaline. How's her other one? I must say, darling, the change in Connie is simply amazing since you laid down the law to her. Well, you have to be strong, that's all. All set for the Tulane gain this afternoon, dear? Yep. We can always go back to Elm Tree High. Oh, no, I'm going to win today, Liz. I've got a secret plan. I'm not even going to tell... I'll get it, dear. Uh-uh, it looks like Jessup doesn't. I'll go. Another razzle-dazzle play. Probably. Don't worry, honey. I'll be very patient with him. Well, good morning, Jess. For heaven's sakes, George, what are you trying to do? Huh? Is something wrong? Wrong. Here I'm trying my best to keep you at state U and the president of the college calls to tell me about... about this. I don't get you, Jess. This magazine. Well, look at it. I was a child bubble dancer. By... by Constance Cooper... George! This is the end, Liz. This is positively the end. No, no, no, George. Don't lose your temper, George. After all, it may be just some kind of a mistake. I'll say it's a mistake. Constance, what is the meaning of this? Did you or did you not write this? Oh, the man. I don't get you, Jess. Did you or did you not write this? Oh, the magazine. Now, don't be mean to me, Daddy. I'll get a relapse. I'll give you a relapse right on your southern hemisphere. How could you, Connie? Just listen to this. Every night when my parents think I'm asleep in bed, I am downtown at the Gearty Theatre dancing my heart out behind a bubble. Well, I certainly don't know why you're so cross. I fully intend to share my check for $180 with the entire family. Don't try to talk your way out of this, you... you bubble dancer. I tell you, Liz, if you think her psyche was scarred by that Joe Birch business, where did you get a load of it after this? She'll be the laughing stock of every kid in high school. They'll read this trash and bust their buttons. Now, darling, the game. Hadn't you better be on your way? Yes. Yeah, I better leave. I'll see you there later, dear. And before you go, kindly tie a ball and chain to this poor man's Sally Rand and nail it in concrete. I don't know why he has to pick on me all the time. Now, that'll be enough, Connie. Now, look, your father's had a pretty tough time this season. You may not like football, Connie, but did you ever stop to think that it gives you your food and your clothing and the roof over your head? We ought to be very proud that he's the coach. It took years of effort and skill to get there. Mother, I know, and... and I love him, but... but he just doesn't try to understand. Understanding works two ways, Connie. We're a family and we must work together. We're all each other has. We must be very gentle with him when he's nervous and love him very much when he's discouraged. And we should try to understand him. I'm sorry, Mother. If you are, then you do understand. And remember, darling, when he gets home tonight, wear his team, too. And no matter what happens... The traditional football game between Stateview and Tulane is about to get underway. Coming out on the field now, the State University Football's won. Well, I better get out there, Liz. Keep your fingers crossed, honey. I know you're going to win, George. And just to make things easier, well, I had a long talk with Connie and straightened her out. Nothing like I'll straighten her out when I get home. She's not home, dear. Not home. She's here at the game with a date, George. You mean she got a date all by herself? Well, naturally. Well, the funniest thing happened, George. Ever since that article appeared, her true confession, the phone's been ringing like crazy, and every Lotharia from high school's climbed on the wool wagon. The wool what? Well, the fact is, George, that article has made her the most popular girl in town. Yes, it looks like Connie can take that band-aid off her psyche now. Well, what do you know? And guess who's taking her to the game? Who? Joe Birch. Good luck, darling. Ladies and gentlemen, about six minutes into the fourth and final quarter of this terrific football game. Still no score, Tulane is going to punt. Yes, there it is. A nice end-over and kick going down to stage 20 yard line. Well, Jess, we got out of that one all right. What about me, coach? You ready for me, huh? Not yet. We'll go back in the dugout and sit down. Who is he? You'll find out, Jess. But I'm going crazy. There's not much time left. When are you going to pull it off? What's the gimmick? You can tell me. Just keep your shirt on, Jess. Pretty soon, now. But what are you going to do? Game leaders and gentlemen, what a game. With two minutes remaining in this hard-fought contest, coach George Cooper of State has so far failed to unleash his so-called secret weapon. But even without it, State has fought Tulane to a standstill. It states ball until Lanes 34 yard line and they're going... Hold it. State's calling for time-out. Now? Oh, please, George, now. Okay, Jess, now. What is it? Well, what's the play? It's not a play. It's a player, there on the bench. Willie Davis, my secret weapon. That kid doesn't even look like a football player. He merely happens to be the greatest find our track team has had in 15 years. Track team? That boy has unofficially broken the world's record for the 50-yard dash. Even in a football uniform, he's like Grease Lightning. Yes, I know, but track... For three weeks, we've built plays around this boy. And when he takes off, he'll go through that Tulane team like a tiger shark. Jess, I told you we were going to win this game, and right now is when we're going to do it. All right, Davis. You mean I get up now? Go in for Murdock. Get in there, Willie, and get me a touchdown. Yes, sir, I sure... Oh, Willie! Oh, Willie! Coop! What happened to it? He hit his head on the roof of the tag. Oh, Willie. Willie. Oh, speak to me. Oh, no. He's unconscious. Willie. Please, Willie. Oh, no. Believe it, George. I still can't believe it. Just 30 seconds left in the game, and Tulane had to throw a 60-yard forward pass. Forget it, Liz. It's all over now. Besides, if Virginia could kick a field goal, Tulane can score in a pass. Oh, I'm so sorry, darling. Well, anyway, we had a few pretty good years here. A few wonderful years. And they never had an undefeated season before you came. Yeah. It wasn't so bad at Elm Tree High either. No, but I hate to think I'm making a change again. It's not fair to the kids. A new town, new faces, you know? They're in the parliament, Mr. Jessup. Oh, oh, yes. Well, Coop, I don't know what to say. You saw what happened, Jessup. Why did you wait so long? Why didn't you send Willie Davis in while he was conscious? Now, look here, Mr. Jessup. Oh, what's the use of talking about it? Coop, my hands are tied. Personally, I feel sure if it hadn't been for that accident, we'd have won. But you know how it is. Any year we lose to Tulane, well, that's a bad year. I know. You don't have to explain, Jess. You mean George is out. Well, not officially, but if you want a suggestion, don't renew the lease on this house. I see. May I say how sorry I am? Oh, sure, Jess, sure. Thanks for everything. Mom, Daddy? We're in here, Connie. Oh, I thought it was a delightful game. Daddy, and you coached so nicely. Oh, hello, Mr. Jessup. You liked the game? Oh, I just love football. So does Joe. Come on in, Joe. Hi. Sharp game, Mr. Cooper. You should have won it. Thanks. Hercules. What? This young man. This is Hercules Smith. Oh, yeah, you're Mr. Jessup. You mean Joe Birch is Hercules Smith? Or Pete St. Joe White, and you tell me. You never asked me my right name, coach. Hercules, boy, listen to me for the last time. Yes, sir? Hercules, boy, you can't do this to stay. You can't desert your own home down for no today and we need you here. But I'm not going to Notre Dame. We can... You're not? No, sir. I changed my mind. I'm going to state you after all. You are? Yeah, I made up my mind. I want to be where Connie's going to be. I don't want to be too far away from Connie. Oh, Hercules. Right. That's great. That's simply fine. Congratulations, my boy. You'll never regret this decision. Yes, sir. I guess Connie's about the first girl I ever liked even better than Notre Dame. George! Yes, sir? George, all is not lost. Now, if I tell the alumna, I can get Hercules Smith to stay here. I know I can sell him on the idea that you... Oh, what a day, Liz. What a day. It's funny, dear. The way things can straighten themselves out. We renew the lease on the house. I get another contract and no more problems with Connie. Good evening, mother. Father? Ellen, what's the matter with you? I am going to remain in my room alone for the entire weekend until Monday when I have to go back to school. Ellen? But until then, mother, may I kindly have all my meals on a tray? Thank you. Oh, no. Oh, no, not again. The curtain falls on Father with a full back and that well-deserved applause calls back our stars. Marina Hara, Paul Douglas, and Betty Lynn. Paul, as a former football player, you were right in character tonight. I didn't know you played football, Paul. What team? I played a little pro ball with a fighting yellow jacket. Fighting yellow jacket? I don't believe I've heard of them. Well, one reason might be it was before you were born, Betty. Who'd you play? Well, we, uh... we played the wasps and the hornets. I bet you got stung there. How shown. Betty, be careful. Your personality quotient is slipping again. But after tonight's play, you can see what happens to old, tired football players. They end up as coaches? No, actors. Playing Betty's father. Paul, you seem to have had a varied career. You were also a radio announcer. Go ahead, Paul. Let's hear you sell something. Well, what? What else? Oh, of course. Pardon me. Let's see now. Ladies, uh, Lux's toilet soap is... Oh, what's the use? All they have to do is look at Marina Harrah. Why, Paul, you know, Lux's soap always has been my favorite complexion care. Mine, too. I love it. Yes, it will do wonders for the personality quotient, Betty. Oh, well, what have you planned for next week, Bill? One of the outstanding plays of our time, Marina. The comedy hit by Kaufman and Hart, the man who came to dinner. And in the title role, we have the perfect star for the part, Hollywood's delightful Mr. Belvedere, Clifton Welle. And co-starring with Clifton will be Lucia Ball. The play is noted for its sharp wit and gay humor, and you'll meet some of the theater's most fascinating characters on this stage next Monday night. It sounds great, Bill. Good night. Good night. Good night and many thanks. Here's a fashion flash from Hollywood. Vivid floral prints on washable silk make enchanting petticoats to wear with the new spring suits. Marina Hurrah has one with brilliant red roses on a dark background. Of course, it gets Lux Flake's care, just as all her lovely lingerie does. If you hesitate to wash a printed petticoat, test a corner in plain water first. If it's safe in water, it's safe in Lux Flake's. Play safe with all your pretty lingerie. Don't risk wrong-washing methods at soon-fade colors. Actual tests prove Lux Flake's care keeps slips in 90s color-fresh three times as long. Get Lux Flake's tomorrow. Give all your nice washables that lovely Lux Look. Lever Brothers Company, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theater presents The Man Who Came to Dinner, starring Clifton Webb and Lucille Ball. This is William Keely saying good night to you from Hollywood. Marina Hurrah appeared to the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, producers of Under My Skin, starring John Garfield. Paul Douglas will soon be seen starring in the 20th Century Fox picture The Big Lift. Betty Lynn also appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, producers of the Technicolor picture, cheaper by the dozen, starring Clifton Webb and Jean Crane. Heritage Our Cast tonight were Norma Jean Nielsen as Ellen, Jim Bacchus as Sully, Willard Waterman as Jessup, and Ruth Parrott, Eddie Firestone Jr., Gil Stratton Jr., Charles Wolfe, Bill Johnstone, and Eddie Marr. Our play was adapted by SH Barnett, and our music was directed by Lois Silvers. This is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to join us again next Monday night to hear The Man Who Came to Dinner, starring Clifton Webb and Lucille Ball. Stay tuned for my friend Irma, which follows over these same stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.